Single mummies support group

S

strawberry78

New Member
Remember the show 'About A Boy' with the single parents club scene in the UK -

I don't think there is one in Singapore...yet, or at least I haven't heard of and would like to start one. So, single parents - pls share your experiences, ie. story, how you became one:

- divorce
- by choice
- widowed
- separated

so on...believed we can help each other by sharing experiences esp:

- child rearing experience
- how to explain what happened
- seeing complete families out there
- how the child is coping
- how you relate to your parent post-divorce
- how to cope generally
- dating as single parents

This is Singapore, not so open-minded, yet not so traditional...single parents are out there but not so totally accepted so to speak - or at least they are not acknowledged. I mean, so what - it is not as if everyone became one by choice but I do know of those who became single parents by adoption - after not being able to find mr/ms right. no problem, its cool, its a personal choice in everyone's life and we respect that.

my story:

i am currently separated from my husband - he has gone back to his home country Indo for good. we are getting a divorce next April, as we have to wait for 3 yrs to pass before it can go through. Main reason is incompatibility and all his other fluffy reasons. I would say, out of no malice - he is SUPER HIGH MAINTENANCE MAN. Ironically... I can go on but the main focus here is single parenting, so don't want to start ranting about relationship woes here.

Main thing is - since this is possibly our 'last goodbye' i need to move on.

My first and biggest concern - is as a single parent. My baby is 10 months old, he'll be 11 months old in a week's time - he's handsome, smart, hyperactive, curious and cute. So I don't want him to feel handicapped seeing complete families around - and need to find a way to address it when he is older.

I need to feel confident and in one piece - in order to pass the same message to him.

What I am worried is the constant 'humming' or irritating but necessary appearance of soon-to-be ex-husband. It'll probably hinder the moving on process - I don't want to be left picking up the broken hearts pieces each time he appears and re-appears...

While this divorce is brought up by him, I am probably more of the broken hearts sufferer...but enough is enough, I have enough of his whining, demands and stress for the past 8 years and its time, its time we put an end to it. For the sake of our mental health and for the sanity and promise for the rest of our lives ahead - separately.

1. Figure out the single parenting role
2. Sort out the (grrh...***) paperwork - find lawyer, sell house, settle proceeds, etc...etc.
3. Sell the house and plan finances

This will take me till next April when the formal divorce papers are served.

Will get going for now -

BTW: saw the forums on babycentre and realized that women around the world have same concerns - those moms separating / divorcing have the same issues. husbands say the same thing around the world.

So like the saying goes - before you marry, open both eyes, after that - close one.

Or life worst fear is to have married the wrong person...

HOW TRUE...I should have opened my eyes big big before I married - sign, this failed marriage is like a bad record in my life or what -

Sorry for the ranting mixed intro - I needed to get my feelings / thoughts off. thanks readers.
 


No one else post messages here :p

Looks like its going to be a mono-thread, talking to myself!

I found a single moms network group, its really been supportive and helpful, haven't met up yet.

In case, any souls wander to this thread, I got my DOS signed on Monday, 20 September 2004,

we ROM on 20 April, 2002....whew

2 years later, 1 BB later (its not shotgun okay), DOS already - probably file for divorce in less than 3 yrs from now.

Can't believe how 2 ppl who were once soulmates become like strangers....

whew....anyone want to chat about single parenting, divorce, etc. feel free to email me, I haven't got sick of talking about it yet!

Surprising ;)

I wish I can delete my earlier entry, embarassing to be the only one talking....

Going off, will talk into other threads, abit boring here now!
 
Stumbled upon this thread .You are not alone.I very much share how you feel.Just wonderin if you are still surfing this thread. If so, pls respond and we can share.
 
So this thread is now defunct??? Awww...juz found this thread and looking at the date of the first posting it was aug'04...the eventful month where I finally realised that my soulmate for the past 9yrs+ had really changed (suspected since may'04)...it was also the month when I returned to workforce after a long break (took post grad studies, tiring pregnancy, full time mothering...)It was such a bad period bcoz I was like a walking zombie, cried myself to sleep only to wake up 2hrs later to go to work and constantly worrying abt my son's safety etc...After many months of heartaches, finally came to terms with the cruelty of life and decided to let go for the sake of my 2yr old son (no point hanging on for a man who is never coming home...) I'm only 27 and have to move on. Not looking forward to dating again yet but to start afresh with the only little man of my life. Have filed for divorce but have to wait for some mths to settle everything...nope, i have valid reason so likely to be able to divorce without separation unless of course my ex decides to sabotage which he's capable of...how not to be upset? He walked out on us and told me never have to wait anymore yet refused to divorce...in other words, he has already moved on (has gf somemore) yet don't allow us to do so. My only hope is that by the end of this yr can get the papers signed, sell my flat and move somewhere closer to my siblings who have been most supportive to their baby sister here. Yes, single moms really should meet up, not to bitch but to support one another to move on and share parenting tips, we love our kiddies more than anyone does and we want the best for them, without spoiling them of course! Just read abt this young single mom who started some workshops for other singles moms. I've emailed her and hope to hear from her soon. If the support gp stuff works out then i dun have to rely on my daily binge of choc and fatty food to stay sane...All the best to all the single moms out there! Remember, you are not alone.
 
Wendy Tan
Your story sounds really similar to mine - yup there is a single moms yahoo email thread, they do meet up but i have been so busy this year, did not get chance, yup, am also 27 this year - legally separated...hang in there, my son is now 19 mths and life is not too bad! can get better, i do hope to finalize my divorce in 2 years time and secure custody, then i can move on with my life!!
happy.gif
) hopefully finances improve as well - then all will be well. come a long way since last may ---- as you can see, i posted alot last year, it was the lamenting and then recovery period.

cheers to womanhood!
 
Thks...nice to get a reply so quickly. I saw your other thread <divorce...>and left posted a message there too under <fitti> in case you don't read my message here. I can sense that you are more stable now. Good. Think you are only 1yr younger than i and yes, we do have lots in common (feelings, frustrations, situations etc.) Anyway, we are both moving on and i know we can make it. We have to be strong for our kiddies and we will. Well, strawberry78, do u think u can email me if u have more info as I am quite an IT nerd, dunno anythg abt yahoo messenger alert, icq etc...tho' I am in the education line...Thks! N it will be great if we can encourage each other coz single motherhood is definitely not a bed of roses...not when my son asks for his daddy daily and i had to force a smile and told him he's working (will of coz explain to him when he understands) and have to call his father juz to let him hear his voice...anyway, hope to hear you again! Cheers!
 
Hi, I need help. How to get a divorce ? How to even get started ? I have 2 very small children, and have nowhere else to go. The idiot would not leave the house. He actually asked me to leave alone, and threatened me if I want to bring the children with me. Last night he broke down the door, snatched my baby from my arms, dragged me along the floor and tried to strangle me. I called the police, but later have to call them not to call, because he threatened to beat me some more.
 
<font color="0000ff">Hi saffron,</font>
Go to the police. Dun be afraid of him. He beat u up is already very very wrong. If u keep on staying on with him, you'll suffer even more.
 
u can apply for a PPO (Personal Protection Order) against him. Like what angry for u said, dont hesitiate to go to the police
 
What will happen if I go to the police ? He may get arrested and lose his job. I still have 2 small children to feed.

Now I just want him to leave the house peacefully. Both my children were terrified about the incident, and I don't want anything bad to happen again. Do I need to find a lawyer to advise me on the divorce ?
 
Hmmm....certainly can feel for u in this matter...exhubby also refused to leave the hm initially and once threathened to hit me. Last straw was when he indirectly caused sonny to be hospitalised then i had the courage (with my family's support) to tell him to leave...

Some men r just shitty....they dun want to be labelled as the one who "walked out" of the family so will go to the extremes to make the wife miserable...

u need to get help....if let ur children see the father beating u ...it is worse! If he is so cruel to u , u think he'll feed u and ur children??? Heck abt his job...

i felt sorry for ex hubby for far too long....yet all he did is to take advantage...i am supporting the hsehold myself n some of his old credit card debt (transf to my card b4 he left) as well...it is extremely tough but pls believe me, at least u dun have to live in fear again...

pls take care...
 
Hi Wendy Tan and Strawberry78,
Im so happy to find this thread because finally I could meet other single moms to gather strength from. We have so many things in common. Im separated, going through divorce proceedings and my child is only six months. Btw, Im 28 this year. Sometimes I feel that everything that is happening is one big nightmare! I totally agree that there should be a single mom club for single moms to support, encourage and inspire one another especially when the going gets tough.
cheers!!
 
Hi Pink Linen...

ur bb is only 6mths old? hmm, i really hope things are gg well for you (and for us as well)...

U and I are the same age...mi turning 28 this nov and am in the midst of divorce as well...mine is uncontested so dun have to go thru separation (*fingers crossed tho'*)

There is also this Asian Single Moms gp that Strawberry is in. I joined as a member as well but has been too busy recently to meet them personally but i will...as soon as i can!

Pls take gd care...

God Bless!

*btw, fitti is Wendy tan &amp; Wendy Tan is fitti...hee*
 
hi wendy aka fitti!

yup.. my baby is only six months. he is my source of strength for me to continue with my life. everytime i see him smile, all my worries disappear! how do i join this Asian Single Moms group? has it been helpful?

U take care too..

cheers
 
Hi so glad to have found this thread. But too bad the last post is in June 16th. If any of you is around, can anyone tell me how to join this Asian Single Moms group? Thanx
 
i am mom to be ..

my hubby want to divorce me . my pregnant is now 6 month. i just made my rom last week.

i am hopeless and just simply lost
iam 21 years old .. and my hubby is 23 going to 24 coming this nov
 
ya i am working now.

I cant think why he is so curel to me.Actually we had cold war since we found that i am pregnant. But he never said like " i muat abort or smth"
He just said do whtever i want to be. End up we aggree to make ROM. Sigh!

He is party type.Never accopany me when i go for followup checkup.He said he cant pay anything thats why he dunt want to go out or he dunt want to follow me, since he is NS man .

I dunt mind whether he is rich or not. But u know ofcos i expect kindness from him as i am pregnant. But he doesnt show me love or hug me. He even masterbate in front me and watching porn movie. I asked him so many time wht does it mean , why he treat me like that, he nvr said anything to me. No reply !

All the way he said , " You have been done all the things that you want to be . wht more r u expectiong from me ? "" Well End of the day i just broke down. He should let me know if he cant take his responsible.

And he still going out for parties , clubbing and chatting with unknow women via MSN , Yahoo messenger.I asked him to stop from those follish, HE ignore me, and told me thats not my business. and he always hide his hand phone infront of me.
Whenever i checked his phone , he scold me ad said dunt bother him.
His NS work is 24hr working (1whole day) and 2 day off.HE is work for SCDF. my working hour is office hour,i have to work more and more for our baby, SO day time he free and alwasy chatting and hung out with his female fiends so called online friends.

last 2 night i cant take it anymore. i asked him to sleep since it is already 2am.he stil not sleeping and chatting he even show his web cam to his online friends, when i woke up and stand next to him he suddently stop to show the web cam,and minimize all the conversation window.

I was shock and damn angry, i cant control and cant forgive him anymore. So we start fight and end up i told him " how can we continue like this ?? " he kept quiet. But he said " If u not happy do wht ever u want " . that mean . if i not happy with him he is ready to divorce ?? and i asked him that question, he said "yeah , You should know it . "

Next morning , he went out as usual. come back home 2 am and nvr talk to me. all my parents support me and give me encourage, not to depress.

I am lost and feel so broken in my mind. Sigh!
 
Such a man is not worth ur luv. Take care of urself n ur bb. 4get abt him. Dun let urself get into depression cos it'll affect the bb. Talk to pple. Get ur feelings out. DO NOT SUPPRESS URSELF! I am now separated from my hb, due to violence, MIL, etc. Long story. Think carefully. If this marriage is no good for ur child, then leave him. Alwaz give the best for ur child. Doesn't mean that u leave him ur life will come to an end. There is a greener pasture elsewhere. My e-mail address is [email protected]. U can e-mail me anytime if you need someone to talk to.
 
Hi mum of 1 ,

thanks for ur reply . my father advice me, if he cant take his responsible both of my parents and my relatives can take care of it. And now my dad called his phone and talked to him , for the conclusion. My dad ask him to prepare for divorce and paid for al the lawyers fees and all those. Cos we wil not going to ask for any maintence from him . So at least he should paid money for lawyer.

Thank god , my family, relatives and friends are from my side to support. Since i am still 21 not yet 22 , i am sure i can take care of this baby. and my parents are on my side too.

My dad will ask him to leave from the house which i rent and paid by my self .
 
Mandy,
Why don't you want to him to pay maintenance ? He is the one who got you pregnant, he is responsible for supporting the child ! Is it a face thing ? Don't worry about it, the whole world will be on your side.

Did you manage to arrange for a meeting with the lawyer with AWARE ? If so, ask your husband to go with you to see the lawyer. Let him understand the procedures, and how much he need to pay. I bet he doesn't have much in his bank account, this is sure to make him feel terrible.

Of course the first thing he should do is to leave your house.
 
We stay together with my parents. The house rent under he and my name. And i pay the rental fees.

Since i just got my PR here last 2 year. So i still cant afford to buy Flat. Not enough money in my CPF too .

I already ask him to arrange by himself for divorce . You know he treat me like anyhow. Sometime talk to me , sometime no talking dunt even face me.

So ya if he dunt arrange for the lawyer , i will go to Legal aid as u all advice . And gonna asked him to pay for it.
 
Sorry, been bzy lately so nvr come to tis thread.

Ya, Mandy, shld ask him to pay for maintenance. Dun worry, judge sure on your side. Its his responsibility to pay for you and your child's maintenance. My hb used to refuse to pay me the maintenance also, so I went to the family court and apply for it myself. So long as the amt tat u asking for is reasonable and u have receipts as proof that you really need that kind of money, the court will grant to you. Also, u must give grounds as to why he is able to fork out the amount of money that you are asking for. Cos in Singapore, its not easy to raise up a child. My son is only 3 yrs old, and yet i am spending more on his basic necessities than on myself. If you dun get maintenance from him now, in future, it will be very difficult and may even be almost impossible to do so. Cos my lawyer did tell me before that if i dun get maintenance from him once separated, it will be difficult to get it after divorce cos hb can argue that I can survive the 3 yrs, I have no reason to ask from him anymore. I am able to support myself and son. Even if I get maintenance now, after divorce, I may get a lower amount of maintenance compared to the amount I get during separation.
 
Hi mum of 1
u and ur hubby also separated ? how long have u guys been separated ? right now i am going to make this deed of separation with him on coming wednessday, last night he already moved all his things from my house. but still left some , he said he ll b back and take those . he took the wedding rigns too. well i felt like once we were soul mate and being together for almost 1 and a half year. but now things changed and ofcos he too changed. i see his face last night and i was able to control my mind not to cry. but this morning when i see him tho online , cant make it anymore. i am so tired of being pretending in front of my family members and in front of him .
i kept on tell myself that "he is a lier". and he even told me that " he ll gonna kick my tummy and go inside to jail!! " thats bad.
wel end up i am just feel sorry for my unborn baby girl thats all.
I am sure time can solve all my hurt feelings.
 
Hi tamarind , Yes i asked him to pay all the charges that need to pay for Deed of separation. Atfirst he refuse, but i called his father and i told him everything . that old man , kept on tell me that , i should let him know earlier than this so he can ask him to stop from doing all those nonsence blur blur. finally i realise that he is blaming me not to balme his son. so i told him , i was a good a wife to urson . but he was not. i am sure u ll know about ur son very well. so he dunt say anything to me. i continue the date and time , vanue of the lawyer office etc.

actually he is telling me to rethink, but his son is the one asking me for divorce. so thats not my fault at all right. he should think correctly and fair since he is an educated man , lecture from Temasek Poly.

i am glad myself that i know about his habit earlier if not i cant think wht will be going to happen.

thanks for ur advice also, its help me alot.
happy.gif
 
Yes, at the beginning when we juz separated, i feel so lost and everyting ard me juz seem wrong. Juz duno why and duno wat i want. Cry suddenly, throw tantrum, alot of tings. Even till now, more than a yr, esp at nite, i still tink of the past (both happy and sad moments). Keep asking myself, y shld such a thing happen to me? But for my son, I must stand firm. Cos if he doesn't change for the better, we will still keep quarrelling and fighting everyday of our life together. The person who suffer in the end is my son.
Talk to someone whenever u r feeling down. If u feel like crying, cry and let go. Do not hold the tears, it is perfectly healthy and normal to cry for no reason. Just make sure that u don't harm ur health, esp ur baby. Always talk to your baby in your womb, she understands what mum is going thru'. She is the one closest to u as she is with u for 24hrs a day.
Btw, when r u due? If u wana talk to me, juz let me know. We can try to arrange. Go out with frenz and enjoy yourself. Just get ready to bcom a modern and pretty mummy. Dun give tat bum a chance to look down on u. Proof to him tat without him, u and ur baby can still survive and be even happier. Let him envy u and not the other way round. Take care.
 
hello , thanks for ur reply ..
My due is on DEC first week. i will be deliver at KKH. btw u working now ? how old is ur son ? and who is taking care of him right now? yeah , we can arrange to meet .. i am sure i will be so happy to meet u and ur son .
happy.gif


currently i am working . wil b going to take leave on dec 1st week .
 
I now working @ Bt. Batok. My son is 3 yrs old. My mum is helping me take care of him. He is now attending a playschool, so half a day not home.
U must remember to take care of yourself and your baby. Before u know it, she will be born. Anybody going to the hospital with u? Do not stress yourself. Just stay happy and do whatever u wana do. Enjoy! Let me know if u wana meet and we can always fix a date ya. C ya!
 
Hi mandy..hope everything is fine ..how's your baby now??
You're going to be due soon right?!
I feel really sad for you after reading your story...you are only 21 years old and you have to go through all these!..
but there is no turning back now..baby is God's gift to us..and as a mother..you must be responsible....forget about the unhappy past..forget that irresponsible man..i believe there are people around you who love you..
I'm not a single mother..but i have a 1 yr old son myself...being a mother is not easy..being a single mother is definitely tougher..i prayed that God will give you the strength &amp; courage to go on!..

yes..everyone do make some kind of mistakes in their life..but we have to learn from our own mistakes..and tell ourselves not to make that stupid mistake again!..&amp; make sure your kid don't repeat that mistake.

Please PM me if you need someone to talk to..i'm not a good speaker..but i'm a good listener..God Bless You
 
Dear Wendy and Strawberry

Thank you for starting this thread! I am a single mum with 2 kids for the nearly 1 year, and has been looking for someone or some area where I can talk or share. I have been bearing with this separation alone and yet at the same time assuring my kids that they still have a complete family like the rest of other family, but inwardly I know very well the father is drifting away from them.
 
Hi... I have a sis-in-law going to divorce. My brother was at fault, having a third party. So my sis has a PR now, but still needs to renew her permit in 2009. She in naive and scared to fight for her rights. SO now I want to help her. I have few questions...

1.Her name is just an occupier for their house. If they go thru divorce... wat are the chances of her getting some share of the house?

2.My bro is not really a responsible person. But for him, he claimed to give enough to the family. He's been thru a divorce b4, so I guess he must know his way to 'bullshit' his reasons in the court. If we fight for the house, Im afraid he will makes things difficult and fight for his kids. so wat are the chances for my sis-in-law, never work in SGP b4, housewife all the way, get custody for both children of hers?

I really want to help her coz I feel that she's been suffering all this while. Never got monthly allowance. Husband always out with friends at nite... coming back at 3am.... sometimes not at all. Having an affair which he say now no more.. but in actual facts still ongoing. I really hope u guys can help...

Thank u
 
mandy, your story brought back a lot of memories for me...Four mths into the marriage, I realised that my ex was a relapsed drug-addict! I was only 20 years old at that time and was pregnant. I was so lost and depressed. I almost jumped to my death with my baby still inside me....That's was 8 years ago. But I will never never forget the terrible times I had. It was horrible.
My son is now 7 years old. His dad has just released from prison. He is starting to ask questions abt his dad. I do feel guilty at times for preventing them to meet up. Afterall, I have moved and changed my contact number. But I can't help but feel that it was very selfish of me to do that.
All mum out there, remember you are not alone.
When financial strapped, I was eating instant mee everyday.
When I am sad, I cried to myself and I consoled myself.
But I also tell myself, THINGS WILL GET BETTER ONE DAY.
 
Dreamer_cloud,
Dun think you are selfish to prevent them from meeting. Your ex might just be a bad role model.
 
hi! i'm an NUS student doing a thesis on housing for single parents. is it possible for you to help me complete a survey on housing??

i would be grateful!

please do email me at [email protected] if you can help..

thanks!!!
 
Hi again everyone,

i really hope to be able to garner some assistance from some of you out here. This study is basically on the housing problems which single parents face, in terms of affordability and choices of housing.

I'm looking for single parents between the ages of 21 to 34 to answer a simple survey.

Have been having a really hard time looking for contacts and i've been writing to various organizations like flying solo etc...but without much response...i really would appreciate any help which i can get!

It would be great if everyone could help me out. I can assure you that no "personal details" will be needed, just your opinions, and all responses are kept confidential.

I really hope to be able to hear from someone soon as my study (thesis) is due at the end of november.

Thank you very much in advance!

so pls pls do drop me an email sometime! the survey will take less than 10 mins of your time...
 
Hi everyone,

I am in a dilemma now. i am thinking of filing for a seperation. About 1 mth back i found out that i got STD pass by my husband and i was very hurt and angry. He has know that he gotten it but yet he didn't tell me and still have sex with me. The worst thing was he don't admit that he fool ard outside. Since then i have ask him to move back to his mum's place. We are staying seperately. All along we have been facing problem i always tell him but he just don't want to verify the issue. Since so many things has happen my feeling for him has been very cold. I feel annoyed when tooking to him.
 
SO long i was not use this forum ..
i see lotta mess that gave me courage and smile and everything.. am reli thanks for it .. seriously. now i am about to give birth and due date is in nov 15 (after doc check on me he changed my edd from dec first week to nov 15 ) well so far i was like ok. and i already sign for deed of separation with him , and then he got a new gf already . wheww ! think about him make me sick. so let me just stop here. i am still working but onward tomorrow i ll start take my maternity leave untill 6 jan. as i am onli PR so i can untitle to get 2 months leave.

i am sure things will be go ok . i promise to god that i will nvr let him carry my baby or touch my baby after i give birth.. cos he reli reli does made me hurt. untill few weeks back he still send me those mess like how he happy with his new gf and how he is enjoying his single life .. that guy is reli sux.

i bet i did the right thing.. to leave such a gigalo or so call cheap man.

i am here just waiting for my new born and exciting indeed .. my heart beating like bimp bump bimp bump .. hahhaa ..

cheers ..
 
Hi Unhappy marriage,
The worst about a partner is when he refused to admit it when he is wrong. Your hubby is clearly pushing his responsibility away.
A friend passed away few years ago. She died of AIDS. How she, a housewife got it? From her husband! Openess and trust between couple is really important. You will need to really think abt your relationship before you make any decision.
 
hi mandy,

read about ur story. realli felt sad for u. its realli a good thing to leave ur ex hubby.

i m not a single mum.. have a 9 mth old son n my 2nd one is on the way in my womb.. coming 3 mths old. my life isnt any better. problems with MIL/SIL.. make my life so miserable. do at times hv the tot of divorcing my hubby. for the sake of my kids, i hold on till today.

i truly admire the courage of all single mums out there. my salute to all of u!
 
jo(bliss),
forgive me for asking tis..if you are so unhappy with yr husband, then why have another child in tis world to witness yr unhappiness..

I dun want to judge but you shld tink of whether you are able to give a good life to your children in terms of financials and emotional stability...

if you and yr husband divorce, the persons suffering would be yr poor child..

hope you are okay.
 
Hi All,

I went thru my ex's infidelity last year. At that time, i thot the whole world was collasping on me. Furthermore, due to his affair, he was borrowing from the bank heavily to fund his affair.

After trying to salvage the marriage for 6 months - marriage counselling...etc, i told myself that for the benefit of my kids, i need to leave him. He made my life miserable with his "dont care attitude" while i was trying my best to 'win' his heart back.

When he moved out, that was the day where i felt the burden lifted from my shoulders! Altho i feel sad for the kids, not knowing whether they will be affected adversely by our divorce, i feel that at least i can be a good mom for them. Being in the marriage meant i couldnt function well due to his actions.

Since then, many things had happened. 2 months ago, he even asked for reconciliation...and guess what, i told him NO. Not out of spite but out of practicality. Told him to solve his money problem 1st as well as laying the conditions for him inorder for him to come back. Cannot say want to come back then let him back. Then it'll be too easy and he'll do it again. Then arent i back to square one again?

TIME DOES HEAL WOUNDS.

While in limbo, family and friends were rallying around me. Without their support, i dont think i can recover that fast! For those who is interested to read self help books, there is one that i recommended. You can borrow it from the library. "Rebuilding when your relationship ends" by dr bruce fisher and Dr robert alberti

To all out there who were in similar situation, dont despair. there's always silver lining behind a thick black cloud.
 
Hi,

Read all your posts, so sad...

I am going thru divorce too, just went for court hearing last friday.

I have 2 children, eldest girl is 3years old and younger girl is only 9 months old.

My husband has already moved out, I stayed in my aunt's house during the weekday as she takes care of my two girls. I will only bring them home on friday night as my eldest girl need to attend playgroup during the weekend.

It has been a very hard journey for since last year November when i sensed that something is wrong with my husband and only got the true picture in January this year.

I have both sided family support, friends, colleagues, etc. But it just not the way I things to be... it is very hard for me to explain.

I know that i am not the only one who is going thru the same sufferring but i just dont understand "WHY ME"

I am learning to be a single mother, learning to be strong, learning to take care &amp; explain to the kids when they asked for their "Daddy".
 
Dear Shirine,
I totally understand what you are going through. I went through divorce too because my ex-hb was unfaithful to me 3 times.. Couldnt forgive him after the 3rd one. I have 3 kids with him and during that time, i thought the whole world was crashing down on me. i lost interest in everything including the kids. However through my family, I managed to stay strong. 3 years later, I am able to look back and tell myself that there is so much more to life than a failed marriage. God has blessed me with a wonderful man whom I met after my divorce. We now have a lovely 7 month daughter and whatever happens, I know I am strong enough to handle. To all of you out there who are feeling lost and unwanted, I assure you you are not! Life is so so much more than having a husband. Take care!
 
Dear Beth33 and all,

You might think that i am stupid but I still care for my husband. When i am alone, I start to think, "Where is he now?" "What is he doing?" "Did he takes his meals?" etc...
I can forgive him many many times but I cannot forget what he has done over and over again.
I filed for divorce because he told me he realised that we have "GAP" even before we are married...(it hurt so much) Why married me than? "We have been together so long already, I thought I can live with you." (didnt know i still have tears)

AM I A TESTER?
 
hi shirine,
I believe everyone of us will more or less still feel for our ex. My marriage broke down not because of third party, but due to my ex drug addiction.
It was a terrible period when he was borrowing money fr my friends behind my back (when i found out, i had to work hard to pay off the debts), he even stole from my own family, even from my 10years old bro!My mum lost some jewellery too.
He even stole from our son's first month hongbaos!
He was truly a bastard. It was been 3 years since the divorce, but I still think of him some times. It's weird that we tend to think of the happier times, but not the 'sufferings'. I do wonder how is he now, if he manage to kick off the habit...bah bah bah. So I guess it's normal for us to think about our ex.
For me, I just tell myself, don't pick up the phone and dial his number. Can think, but NO action. If not, it would be a cycle all over again..with the heartache and everything.
 
Btw, is there a support group for divorcees in Singapore
 
Hi Shirine,
The stupid excuse your ex gave sounded so familiar! My husband said the same to me too, about 4 yrs ago! We are physically separated for as long as that (he has moved out) but we havent gone thru any legal proceeding yet.. My in laws are stil staying with me and my children are under their care.. I can fully understand how you feel.. Up to today, 'WHY ME' is still a question I ask God on and off. Things just seem so not fair, more apparent when you see happy and loving couples or family.. Life ahead will be very challenging, but I am sure we are survivors.. time will heal..
 


HAPPY NEW YEAR all the above

I just got to know this thread. How are you all? any updates? or has this thread die off already?
 
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