Single mummies support group

Dear 23 years old mummy,

I have similar problem like yours. I am 21 years old and did not rom with bf too. I also got retrenched by my company during my 6th mth pregnancy. My bf have his own financial problem and I am the one who is paying for the babies stuff. The reason he dont wan to rom is simply we r still unstable finanically. But I dun wish to force him since there wont be happiness if i push him for it. Anyway I am giving birth in 1 and half month time. Rom dont matter to me now, as my priorty is on my baby.

The more sad thing that happen to me is that he is a divorcee with 2 kids. He actually hide the truth from me for these 4 years. By the time i know, its too late as i already carry this baby. If not i tink i would abort that time. I felt worst cause now i thinking to rom or not to. Coz my bf mention rom after baby is born. But friend's advise to me is to remain single as i am still very young. Y must i carry this heavy burden when i can choose not to. I will have to make his children accept me and also to take care of mine own. His eldest daughter is already 14 years old and I am 21.

After baby is born, i still have to look for a job in order to survive. Well look on the bright side as things will turn better.

Take care!
 


Hi 23yrold_mummy

Hmmm maybe to u n your partner, Rom is not so impt and yes it is only a piece of paper, but still u must spare a thought for your child..
Think of the child future. what if the child's future school wants to verfity the child's parentage n the parents' marriage certificate before enrolling. You will never know what the future wil hold for the child, not for yourself.

I also was heavily pregnant with my son while not married to my partner then. I worried abt the child future so i kept on asking my child's father to ROM, although he carried a debt of few tens of thousands from his credit card bills with his ex gf. And i also scared of losing the baby bonus. So with these thoughts, we went ahead with our ROM. So upon discovering my hubby's infidety, of cos i was very devasted n angry. So much abuse on me, blah blah, in the end, i forgave him but not forget his unfaithfulness. Now the idea of divorce is still in the back of my mind.... so waht if we get divorced in future, I can still fight for the child maintance, not wife alimony as i m still working. The advantage of Rom is to protect yourself n the child. then can feel secure mah...

Haha i really can understand your feeling cos i am also constantly watching over him n watch his behaviour n attitude at home n he even remarked that what i m doing make him feel like a prisoner in our marriage.. not able to do things freely. we women shd guard ourselves in marriage.
 
Hi Joanne,

**Hugs**

Do not feel depressed. Be happy for your baby is on its way.

try to persuade your bf to ROm for the child sake.

as for the financial unstable, this can work itself out in time to come. Be positive as this is not the end of world yet.
 
Hi ocean.. yea.. i know... thats what everyone told me to do too.. just ROM... but it just dun feel right to "just do it".... but as u were saying, is it true that u gotta show ur parents marriage cert in order to enrol for a school in SG?????

Hi Joanne, hmmm... i really dunno wat to say about ur condition... cos, i feel if a woman dun have a emotion security, it would be a financial security..... but now i guess the main aim for u is to be HAPPY =) n keep a HAPPY HEART.. so as to have a good healthy BABY!!! =) its 1.5 mths away only.. than u get to see ur little precious one... n when u see her... u will become stronger n i guess by than u will have a more prefect vision of wat u wanna do... =) but if u need help in anyway.. u can just email me okie... hehe =) cos i guess since our age gap is rather little, perhaps i can feel wat u re feeling... *hhhmmmm*....
 
oh yea.. one more ting OCEAN.... why dun u fight back for ur daughter??? as in since u tink that guy isnt taking care of her well?... n if ur present husb dun mind, (which i doubt he will since he is so loving.. *awww... sweet!*) - or if i read wrongly in a later msg that u wanna divource ur present hubby? .... but in any case, i feel that if u tink that ur daughter isnt doing well with ur ex-husb, why dun u fight for her back???.... *is it possible?*
cos my own partner says whenever someone fights over e child.. e mummy will usually have more chances than e daddy.... so i really dunno!!!
 
Hi hi Ocean, I wont be depressed but looking forward to this little life. I fully agree with you that rom is to protect woman. With rom, we can get baby bonus cause single mum cant get it. And next time enrolling into school will be more difficult. If we can avoid such situation, we should do so. And i read from your post & know u had gone through a lot. I felt that u r a very strong lady. Can you still go & visit your daughter? Is it once a week & if ur ex hus really dont care abt her, is it possible to re-fight the custody case? I have a frd who work in a law firm, if you have enquiries, i can help u to ask her. Stay happy & take good care!
happy.gif


Hi to 23 ys old mummy, we sure know how each other feel since our age is so so near. U can feel free to email me too. My email add is [email protected]
U also try to talk ur bf into rom cause i felt its more fairer to u and baby. Meanwhile stay positive & if u need to talk feel free to approach me. Take care!!! :p
 
hi mummies ,

I'm also one of ur group ..... Anyone want to meet up ? Maybe we can meet up next sat/sun....

1) LIM
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
 
Hi Shiny star

Thanks for your encouragements... hmmm it had been two years....I missed my daughter a lot....The ex is certainly heartless n for the fighting for my daughter, actually impossible cos my ex hubby had his mum n sisters n the rest to support him finanically n his mum is also selfish not to let me see my daughter.. My hubby said never mind as i got a son by my side aliao so why shd i care abt wanting my daughter back n he knew my ex hubby is not sporean,

I constantly think a lot abt the past n the past brought tears to me cos too many things hurted me...
 
HI 23yrold_mummy

fighting for my daughter, how .. u tell me.... when the ex hubby n his family can also make up stories to reduce my chances to fight for her custody... u r right in saying that the mummies usually hv higher chances to win the children's custody but again they spread rumours abt me.. many friends said i m so stupid not to fight for it... hmm... sigh....
DO u know that my ex hubby is actually spite on me by getting my female friend to go bed with him. How i felt???? got a friend of mine pregnant n accusing me of passing the STD to him when we had separated for more than one n half year before divorce. He clamined i passed STD to him and it got me very frightened so i went for blood tests n then was negative for all STD. Thank goodness. later he passed STD to three gal friends of mine. They r very disappointed with him. Dun understand why he is such a bastard to crush me down. but now all is over already so i dun want to hv anything to do with him. I want my daughter back,... is it wrong to want her back? I am sooooo tired of being depressed n constantly thinking of suicide that i decided to wash my hand off the whole thing.

I want to concentrate on raising my son up well n be happy with my hubby(he is much better than ex hubby)
 
Dear Ocean

Life is always up and down! But God had being being kind to you, at least you have another partner who is much better than your ex. Did you try consulting a lawyer for opinion on the custody of the child? Because usually government is on woman's side. Who can understand e pain of being seperate from our child when we carry them in our womb for 9 months.The bond is definitely stronger than anything else. I find its not wrong to want your daughter back. Ur ex hubby is too much to even flirt with your ger friends & even accuse you of passing the disease to him. Can this be used in court as an advantage to you of having your daughter's custody? You can provide a better environment for her and this is important to a child growing stage.

Are you financially stable compared to your ex-hubby? I thought now you have at least once a week to visit your daughter? Is it so? And do your ex-hubby need to give you monthly allowance? If thats the case, you can also bring up the case of your ex-MIL do not allow you to see your daughter. At least there are more advantage for you to fight the case. But if you want to fight the custody case, it might take some time and it might be tough for you to go through all these. You have to consider carefully. Dont think so much, take one step at a time. If u need, i can help by consulting my ex-coll working in a law firm. She would be able to offer some advise since she is more familiar with the law stuffs.

Take care!!
happy.gif
 
Dear Shiny star

thanks for taking some time to understand my so-called difficult situation but the whole matter was over by then. yes u r right in saying that God blessed me with this new family.

How i often wished my ex hubby could be understanding but is not cos he n his family belong to malaysia. now that they(the whole family) became citizens here, they still refuse to follow spore style. In their heart, they always belong to Malaysia, esp the ex-mil.. she is very stubborn n wont let me take my daughter-her grandchild away, no matter what actions i take. I could remember those several times i visited my daughter at her place, she always lock up the gate n not let me in to see my daughter, i could only see her thru the gate(main door) n talked to her.. she too wanted to come to my arms but could not. All we could do is hold hand thru the gate(if u knew what i meant)... this is really heart-breaking for me.. that time she was only 2 yr old...

this ex mil, dun care a damn abt the bonding that i had with my daughter when she was in my womb for 9 1/2 mths. she just WANTS my daughter. that is it. what can i do but give her up.

last year, when my ex hubby heard i gave birth to my son, he got furious n wanted a son to carry on but could not so he cursed me n hoped that my family will get bad luck.. i was so shocked.. how could he be so rude to curse me....
 
shiny star

me consulting the lawyer, then fight for custody... i dun think so... it had been less than 2 yr(I was offically divorced last Jan 2005) and i am really physically n mentally tired of all this stupid fights with the ex hubby's family. there is no stopping to it. I will never get peace if i start another fight again n then more new false accusations again.... I dun want another breakdown again.

As for the wife alimony, no use asking for it cos after the offical divorce nissi, my exhubby was supposed to pay me but he did not, he dun care a **** to the decree nissi. he turned the decree nissi word against himself n went on telling ppl ard me that i demand 1k for wife alimony... For goodness, i merely asked for $1 in wife alimony and yet he went on saying i wanted $1k for wife alimony. How can i trust him not to shoot his mouth off? He is not mature enough to think of what his actions can do to me mentally. Even though he did not pay me quietly, i tolerated n told myself to forget abt the wife alimony since i m still working n can survive on my job. i just want a simple life n look forward to a better future.
 
Dear Ocean,

How r u? Everything's ok? I just went to KK hosp today to visit my uncle's wife who had just delivered a baby ger. So happy to c a new life coming to our family. But my poor auntie undergo Ceaserian & unable to see the baby. The poor baby is in e special care nursery as the doc need to monitor her heart beat.

I read fr your post and really wish u all e best in everything u do. Dont tink too much & concentrate on your children. If need someone to talk to, can add me in msn [email protected] to chat.

Take care!

Regards
 
Ocean,
While I am sympathetic of your situation, may I appeal that you be more careful with your words?

You mentioned that you went to church for counselling so it may be deduced that you are a Christian / Catholic. Therefore, do not post words like "Rom is not so impt and yes it is only a piece of paper", "bastard" and "damn", and then juxtapose it with "The Lord's mercy".

As Christians, we must be good testaments, in actions as well as in words. Saying that ROM is not important, thereby dismissing the sacredness of marriage or advocating the merits of pre-marital sex is against the teachings of the Church.

In case I've offended you and you are steaming, I do apologise but I feel I should bring it to your attention, lest non-Christians have a wrong impression of Christianity.
 
Hi Reminder

Thanks for your reminder.
Above the upabovementioned, in fact i dunno if i shd say i went to church for counselling but u see, i did go to MHI(to those who probably read this term, MHI, might know what MHI stands for at one particular church along Fort canning road) for counselling based on a old friend's recommendation, i do know it is a methodist church but i m not attending this methodist church in fact.

Anyway I am not steaming or whatever... i do understand your viewpoint but I guess u have yet to meet with a setback that could crush u down, then u probably think.. maybe to u, it is easy to talk when u have not experienced such a setback that see u at the lowest point of your life. As i am still struggling to pick up all my thousands broken pieces, n get on with my life.

Lastly do remember that not all christians r so good but in fact they could have another dark side that u cannot see thru.
 
Hi Reminder,

I am a Buddhism, not a Christian. Dont worry i am not offended by your remarks. Each of us has our opinion and this is how I felt towards marriage. I neevr went to any marriage counselling before so unsure whats it about.

Anyway thx for adding me in msn. Take care!
 
Hi Shiny star

This guest, Reminder was referring to me, not u. sorry if u got confused by Reminder.

Agree with u that each of us have our opinion n not all of us share the same views.

I dunno if i count myself lucky or not. I honestly felt weird to go into marriage with my tummy so big after coming out of a bad r/s.. Still i admire your bravery for hvg a child while staying with your partner. I dont know if i could turn the clock back, I should choose to be a single mum instead n does not matter whether my son's daddy wants to stay with me or leave us for another better n fresh pax. I know no matter whatever i say or wish for, it is no use cos what shd not be done is done.

Hope u will do better in your life.
 
Hi reminder,

so can i ask u a question? so the meaning of marriage means going thru an ROM? I thought God's words of marriage means 2 souls becoming 1.. ROM is just being a legal marrige. Just a pt of view to take note..

n i thought the Church teaching is to be forgive those who have sinned n not judge those who have pre-martial sex n stuff...

addition: there are a lot of things that single mothers go thru that noone can experience e pain.
 
TILL DIVORCE DO US PART!

The Rights and Responsibilities of a Husband and Wife

What you will learn:


Maintenance
Can maintenance be ordered before divorce?
Factors considered when awarding maintenance

Custody of Children
What is custody, care and control?
Factors considered when awag rdincustody.
How to negotiate access rights.

Division of Matrimonial Assets
What assets are distributable?
Factors considered when distributing assets.

Divorce
Facts that can be relied on in a divorce
Timelines in divorce proceedings

Date : 4 November 2006 (Saturday)
Time : 2.00 3.30 pm
Venue : Telok Ayer Hong Lim Green Community Centre
20 Upper Pickering Street
Multi-Purpose Room
(at Hong Lim Park)
Cost : Free


Please email me for registration.

For those who have registered, please note that the time has changed from the initial 11am to now 2pm.
If you cannot make it, please call me to cancel.
ADMISSION by REGISTRATION ONLY!!!
 
Hi all,
My friend just found out that she's pregnant and ask me for my advise.. Basically, she has 3 options:
1. Get married with her bf who is a good for nothing (he's not working or doing anything)
2. Be a single parent
3. Abort the baby

She doesnt want to get married with her current bf as she knew that he's really a uselses bum who will be more of a burden to her den to help..
She wants to keep her baby, not becuz of any maternal instinct or bond, she says it's becuz she doesnt wanna go thru abortion thats why she wants to keep the baby..
So now, she's left with option 2: Be a single parent..
But being a single parent is so tough and it made it even tougher for her since she cant get help (financially or physically) from her family.. I really dunno what to advise her.. I mean, if i encourage her to be a single mum, and if anything goes wrong or if she regrets, surely she'll blame me right?? My hb wanted to encourage her to abort as he felt that she would have a better future or may meet someone better..This is a lifelong decision which I hope she can choose the right path..I decide not to 'advise' her but to list down pros & cons of each option..Thus I need more advises or someone with similar past experience to share eg: what difficulties do you face etc..
Thanks in advance!
 
hi Bliss

I see abt your friend's situation. In that case, may I suggest your friend may choose to keep the baby to the full term, then give birth n give the baby up for adoption. There is a few agoption agencies whom will do the paper work for the adoption to be done.

I am glad that your friend dun even think of aborting this innocent baby after making the first mistake. Do tell your friend to take care of herself well till the baby is born n try not to be attached to the baby after it is born in the due time.

I wish the mother and baby all the best.
 
I have a friend who has been childless after 11 years of marriage.
She desperately want to adopt a child.
Pls contact me if you friend wishes to give her child up for adoption.
MTIA
 
I am a single mother to a 16 month old girl.
I was jobless when I chose to keep my child.
I was homeless too.

But 2 years down the road, baby and me still surviving
happy.gif

If you friend needs help or someone to lean on, ask her to contact me.
If she wants to keep the child, I got quite a few things to pass on to her
happy.gif
 
I am single mum to 1yr old baby gal
happy.gif

life is always up & down. last year this time i was crying like no future ,
i was signed for DOS wif my husband on my 8mnth preggie. still remember my sad memory in the delivery room alone wif full of tears , pain and lonely. but now i survive with my family supports ( physically , emotionally ) , my friends helping hands) now my little princess is already 11month and 3 weeks old. i am starting my degree course as partime uni. and life is wonderful wif a little look-alike with me. To all mummi here , dunt ever give up. life is short and enjoy all the moment tht u can.
if u need some1 to share your happiness , pain i am here to help you. my msn
[email protected]

wif love
mandy
little richie
 
Hello,
New to this forum. I am a soon-to-be divorced single mom to a beautiful 32mths old girl.
happy.gif


Things have been rough for me for the 1st 6-9mths intially, but hey, I survived thru after 2yrs and now I am happily living with my daughter & parents.

Now, I am looking fwd to finalising my divorce in 2007 (hopefully ;)) without much contest from the other side...

Anyhow, you may like to PM me if u need someone to talk to...or just to hang out with ya
happy.gif
 
Hi all, glad to get to know thse forum. I'm 37 with a 3 yrs old son. separated for 2 yrs. would like to know more abt single parenting. Anyone would like to share your experiences? thks
God bless all the single mum and dad
 
hey all, just to inform u, i have gotten ROM recently cos scare of e kiddo future! hehe =)

but to me, its just a piece of paper.. haa.. =)

ok, guys, take care!! seeya around...
 
Hi Ocean,

Sorry to hear of your situation. Yes, your little girl may be little and you heart ache to see your girl stuck in the middle while the adults fight over her. Worst when ur hb use her as a weapon against you. Pls pls, fight. Yes, it may be tiring and you have a son to look out for. Yes, you are gonna face more comments, slandering and more nonsense. Yes, you feel that you may not even able to pull thru this. BUT, rem just one thing, your daughter may grow up to resent and hate you. For 1) not trying hard enf to fight for her and love her 2) confused to love you or hate you. She may be even be brainwashed by your MIL
Let's just say i know one of my best friends who grew up without love of parents. After divorce her father brot her up. She grew up hating her mother for walking out on her, for not trying hard enf to keep her. Her dad keep on blaming her for the family split, saying that she is jinx - it is v hard to change the mindset that it is not her fault, tt her dad is a jerk. Imagine how your girl will grow up. Worst, her dad remarried and she grew up doing everything she can to please her stepmother else she will either go hungry or get spanking. Yes, situation is that your MIL is around to help. You will never know in years' time what will happen. Your girl is best with you - you are her mother and best person to bring her up. You still have chance to fight. Be strong and fight for her happiness.
 
hi. i just divorced.. got my final judgement already...few weeks ago.

Have a beautiful baby girl who is my split image... now 10.5mths old...

my email is [email protected] link up with me lah... i am sure we have a lot to share...
 
how do u girls cope as single mums? i'm thinking of divorcing my hb of 5 yrs. have a 21 months old girl. she's my strength and my life. think without her i may end my life now.
need advice. suspect hb having affair with female colleaque. not sure how to move on from here. shld get PI to check on hb or get lawyer? how???? feel so helpless and afraid if i get divorce can't cope with baby alone. scared baby need father.......help!!!!
 
Hi Confused... I have a 22 months old.

Yes, like you said, the girl is also the pillar of my strength
happy.gif


PM if you want to talk :=)
 
need advice urgently!

i went for mediation last wk and the judge said that my ex will be given a wk supervised visit of the child at those family centre, and he's also allowed to stay in our flat. and both of us will be going for counselling and shall go back to court 3mths later.

but on the day after court, he went home and throw out my things and changed the lock! he also followed, scolded me vulgarity and throw my hp on the floor. i make a police report and they cant do anything with him even though i have a ppo against him!

my neighbour also told me they suspect he bought prostitute home. if found he let illegal immigrants stay in the house, would the flat be confuscated by HDB? that will means i lost my share too even though i was not staying there?

he has been standing outside the childcare of my child for the past 2 days and my child did saw him. the teacher told me today that he has began to push/hit his classmate after he saw his dad.
the police told me they cant stop him even though the child has a ppo against the dad too! the teacher saw his dad thats how i know hes there.

he lie in court about his salary and i found out hes earning $800 more than what he said. maintenance amt that judge ordered is based on the salary he said, can it be changed? is it a crime for him doing so? he said will pay for childcare fee but in court he said'no $, no $'. when judge ask why he said willing to pay in the first place, he said'i want to pay but no $, no $!' btw hes earning $2K plus.

devasted now, what should i do?!
 
are there moments when u mummies feel sad for ur child, that you r unable to give ur child a complete family?/

sorry but this seems trivial but....just to vent my sadness...

My baby will be 1yr of end of this month. I ordered a birthday cake for her.
Last week, was discussing with my mum what type of cake...tot of ordering a durian cake..cos my mum loves durian. (anyway the cake is for adults, not babies to eat). THen my mum say my niece and nephew prefer chocolate cake...

OK, so i ordered chocolate cake... just a small 1.5kg which will eventually be shared by about 7 family members only...

I told her i wanted to order a number "1" cake but the cake shop says it comes in only 2kg.. so I decided not to get such a big cake, but instead ordered a 1.5kg round cake which they will write a big "1".

THen my mum say why not get the 2 kg and just divide by 5 person, each eat 500g. I say 'how can anyone eat half a kg cake?'

then she ask which day i collecting the cake. I told her the actual day of my baby's birthday... she said, 'aiyah weekday where got pple come and celebrate?'

I replied, 'nobody come I eat alone lah!' I was very very pissed at her remarks...

she even said, 'birthday buy cake so wasteful, if pple buy cake for me i will ask the person to take it home....'

I can't stand it anymore... I brought my baby downstair for a walk and I cried.

I can't give my baby a complete home, and I can't even let her celebrate her 1st birthday happily? Why must my mum make such remarks? What can't i splurge on a cake for my baby's 1st birthday? She is already pitiful not having a father, why can;t she even have a cake?

(as i type this, I can't control my tears)

I feel so guilty. I feel so sad for her. Why must she suffer for my mistakes?
 
Your baby is not suffering for your mistakes. Your baby is very very lucky to have you. In this case, you are fighting for a celebration for her. She may not consciously remember this first celebration, but it is unconciously ingrained in her.

And you should change your mindset: your baby isn't "pitiful" for not having a father - She's really blessed to have a loving mother! A family traditionally comprises of a mother, a father and the children. So your baby does not have a father, but that does not make her a lesser person! I don't know your situation but for example, I don't think any baby would prefer not having a chance at life versus life with no father.

Regarding your mother and her hurtful words... the people closest to us hurt us the most because we care most about what they say. Think about what she said from her perspective... she most certainly did not think about YOUR perspective when she said those words!!!

*hugs*
 
Oh dear, there seem to be so many young mothers with young children joining the club
sad.gif


*hugs* to all of you ...

I'm on msn at singlemomofthree at gmail.com but mostly during office hours.
 
hi singlemommy (wolfgirl76),

I am 22 with 6 mth old bb girl. I broke up with my then bf before i found out i was pregnant. during pregnancy, i used to feel immense guilt about wanting to keep my baby as opposed to giving her up for adoption coz like you, i thought she deserves a 'complete' home with 2 parents.

however, this mentality has long disappear. i stay with both my parents and my 2 younger siblings, who all dote on my dd. my dad will carry her with him when he reads the paper in the morning, and my sister, who used to be always on the computer when she is at home, actually spends most of her free time playing with my dd and taking photos of her.

this made me realised that my dd does have a complete family, and it consists of me, my parents and my siblings. she might even be luckier than some children who has both parents as she has 5 people who dotes on her in the same household instead of 2!

i'm not worried about her not having a 'fatherly' figure as she can always look up to her grandpa or her uncle. and i also have good male friends who will make excellent godfathers.

now i divide my time between studying, working and taking care of my baby and i feel very fulfilled in life. when i have extra cash, i will splurge on my baby or myself
happy.gif
and i do not have to seek hubby's permission.

most importantly, you must not feel like a victim, or you will always remain one. and your child will pick it up very easily and will feel inferior.

about your mom, sometimes my mom will also make insensitive comments. ai used to get quite upset, but now i just take it as 'old people's' talk. haha. feel free to complain here! after that just forget about it.

so chin up. single parenting can be lovely as you have this superb bond with your child.
 
I will be signing the DOS on 17 sep.. But i really feel so bad for not able to give my son a complete family, worried that this will affect his childhood and being teased at in school for father has left him..
 
I wouldn't worry about the other children teasing him. Unfortunately, there are too many kids without their fathers, and others in worse situations. Just be the best mother you can for him and have suitable father figures for him eg his grandfather or uncles.
 
Lots of hugs to all mummies here ....

I'm 29 yr old this yr , daughter is abt 18mths old .. just done my interium judgement on 14/09 . The rest of the things still not settle .. Hopefully can settle fast ..
 
any single mom at mid thirties?

Sad to say that I have a boy from my previous marriage.

Currently 6 weeks pregnant and father of the baby is a married man.

I'm very confused now as the father of the baby doesnt really wanted to be responsible.

Very ashamed of myself that at the age of 36 and still could made such a mistake.

Feeling very miserable now.
 
hihi

can i join too?...i'm 29yrs old with a 11mths old baby boy... just separated from "hubby" as he had an affair and chose to leave this family...so i'm trying to get on with life now....everything in front is still so uncertain...sigh...sad for my son too... each time i look at him my tears start rolling....see other families together oso tears start rolling....sigh...
 
hi all divorced mum,

need your advice urgently! do u still give out ang pao? my mum said i divorce liao no need to give, my dad say must give, confused man
kao_dizzy.gif
 
hi all,

i m new here, hope this thread hasn't die off n really sorry that my msg is rather lengthy.

just like all of u, i've been holding on to this marriage for the sake of the 3 kids (youngest only few mths old). the thot of separation/divorce has been in my mind for some time n i even wanted to execute it last yr, but was hold back due to my 3rd preg (i dun want to remove an innocent life).

to be fair, my hub is a good father n e kids r very attached to him somehow. However, when it comes to me, whatever things he did or making any decisions, i'm always the last in his thot (way below his family, kids, friends n even his company event!).

Some yrs back, his co holding D&D when it was my birthday, he has chosen to go instead of celebrating my birthday! Looking back, ever since we got married, other than my 1st after marriage birthday gift was a photo album (to put our wedding photos), there were no more gifts. Fine, I can still tolerate.

2yrs back, my granny was in critical condition which we planned to celebrate his mum's birthday in his hometown (he's a PR). I insisted to stay in case I didn't get the chance to see my granny b4 she left us. So, he just went back with e kids with e thot that I was finding excuses not to join the celebration.

last yr, I had spotting for e 3rd preg during cny. He insisted I should join the reunion dinner but I insisted to stay in case of further complication, though my gynae commented it's fine if taking own transport. And again, he just went back with e kids with e thot that I was finding excuses not to join. Lucky things is I stayed put in my mum’s pl but e thot of spending cny without kids really hurt.

This yr, I told him upfront that we will have reunion dinner with my family n to go back his hometown during 1st day of cny. We had an agreement few yrs back to rotate e reunion dinner pl. 2 days before reunion dinner, he insisted that we should go back to his hometown for reunion as his sister (who was married) will be joining n its rare opportunity for them to have dinner together. We’ve a heated argument n went into cold war.

On eve of cny morning, I sms him that he could bring the kids back to his hometown without me, n also sms my SIL that I won’t be joining as not feeling well (was having headache due to lack of sleep). My SIL replied me it’s alright n told another SIL won’t be joining. For that moment, I was considering to join his family reunion. Same day pm, in one of the bedroom at my mum’s pl, in front of the kids n my parents & sis are in the hall, he angrily asked if I were to join him. I kept quiet. After some time, he shouted at me, saying “is it so difficult to go back with me, then we go on our separate ways”. I tried to stop his nonsense, asking him not to create a scene. He shouted back “who cares”.

I’m now considering to sign DOS but e kids r in my thots. Should I continue to tolerate n fight with him every cny, or should I go ahead with the DOS plan ? If to go for DOS plan, how about e kids ? n how should we stay ? I was thinking to still stay in same house but different room, so that the kids will still have both parents to take care, is this healthy ? But will my elder girl (8yrs) start to question n how should I tell her ?
 
I think the situation is not so serious that it warrants divorce. Some communication problems and give and take lah.

Birthday:
Okay actually cold have celebrate both company even and birthday lah. could have celebrate before the day of during the day not at night. make it very clear lor.

Granny Case.
This one I agree. He should have understand.

Last Year CNY,
I agree baby comes first. But I think it is okay for him to bring the kids. But I suppose it could have been done with more understanding rather than assume you did not want to go.

But this Year hor, because you never last year and the year before so he got upset lah. It is terrible feeling going back for reunion or big family events without your spouse. My soon to be ex hb have been pulling that on me for the last 3 years including both my nephews 1st month. I think there are a lot of pent up bitterness. Probably will need lots of communication and seeing things from each other's perspective.
 
hi, i am a mum of 2, 1st boy is turning 4 this year, and 2nd baby is only 8 mth now. now going thru my dicorce proceedings, going to be seperated from hb soon. Now already staying in my mum place for 3 mths with my baby. We were being chased out of home. My hubby only wants my elder son, does not wan me and my baby. Has not been giving me mantainence for baby and me.....i feel very sad, down and lost...if any kinds souls out there can help, please add me to yr msn [email protected] thanks....
 


You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

B
New divorcee single mum of 2 has been constantly harrassed.
Replies
2
Views
718
Jay_mps
J
B
New Divorcee harassed by ex husband
Replies
5
Views
1K
Mikiyoki
M
Q
Husband makes me feel isolated from his family
2
Replies
64
Views
5K
Mongkok
M
A
Sudden Closure of Bubs and Tots Swim School (Indoor Heated Pool @ Punggol safra)
Replies
0
Views
311
arwadever
A
T
Divorce?
Replies
17
Views
1K
Tracer
T

Back
Top