ryan_mummy
Active Member
sleek/chobee: ur welcome.
so looking forward to the concert.. keke
so looking forward to the concert.. keke
Mummies staying at Clementi / Dover / Commonwealth
- Thread starter shirley8084
- Start date
isobellies
Active Member
ondine/sleek : must be same age group babies in the same class right?
Mummies....
I feel so sian now. This morning, my maid just told my hb, that she's been thinking abt it for a long time. She feels our standard is too high and she cannot meet the standards. She wants to go back. But I still haven't found a suitable replacement (she didn't know we already had plans to send her back to agent lah). Today she did more things. My baby was still sleeping, but she didn't mop floor or prepare stuff in case my baby wakes up hungry. She just sits there (at my parent's place) waiting for my father's maid to mop the floor. But father's maid was busy with other housework first. So tried to reason with her, that if other maid is busy, u can help mop up the floor. At least the floor area where baby will crawl and play at. So that when baby is awake, the floor is already cleaned. She showed black face and attitude and walked off without replying my hb. She just walked off when he was talking to her. (rude right?)
So now I really dunno how. No replacement and she has voiced out her wanting to go. haiz.
Angel,
sorry gal. I've been so busy lately, I didn't have the time to drop off the Dentinox at ur place...how's Dana?
Pet,
pai seh, I still haven't go to ur place to collect the t-shirts.
Re playdays,
hmmm...my gal is 9 mths old next week...so can only go for baby bubbles. Hehs...Thanks Ondine for sharing the link. I'll go check it out...
I feel so sian now. This morning, my maid just told my hb, that she's been thinking abt it for a long time. She feels our standard is too high and she cannot meet the standards. She wants to go back. But I still haven't found a suitable replacement (she didn't know we already had plans to send her back to agent lah). Today she did more things. My baby was still sleeping, but she didn't mop floor or prepare stuff in case my baby wakes up hungry. She just sits there (at my parent's place) waiting for my father's maid to mop the floor. But father's maid was busy with other housework first. So tried to reason with her, that if other maid is busy, u can help mop up the floor. At least the floor area where baby will crawl and play at. So that when baby is awake, the floor is already cleaned. She showed black face and attitude and walked off without replying my hb. She just walked off when he was talking to her. (rude right?)
So now I really dunno how. No replacement and she has voiced out her wanting to go. haiz.
Angel,
sorry gal. I've been so busy lately, I didn't have the time to drop off the Dentinox at ur place...how's Dana?
Pet,
pai seh, I still haven't go to ur place to collect the t-shirts.
Re playdays,
hmmm...my gal is 9 mths old next week...so can only go for baby bubbles. Hehs...Thanks Ondine for sharing the link. I'll go check it out...
ryan_mummy
Active Member
aiyo... CSI, then how now? do u rely on the maid to care for bb L? if not then change bah.. if yes, then pls be careful..
sleek: the seats r for cat 1. 12.15pm sat show.
i think i haven't gotten the actual tickets. so i can't tell u the actual seating yet. i'm collecting the tickets tmr noon time @ cityhall.
sleek: the seats r for cat 1. 12.15pm sat show.
i think i haven't gotten the actual tickets. so i can't tell u the actual seating yet. i'm collecting the tickets tmr noon time @ cityhall.
CSI, oh dear....that sounds bad. Has your maid been with you long? Maybe she already can sense that you are going to send her back so she decided to make things difficult. I think from now on just be careful of your things at home. Don't leave temptation lying around.
You can get replacements quickly if you go to your agent and get a transfer maid. But also bear in mind that transfer maids may come with their problems, cos you dunno why they transferred from their previous employer. If you want I can go dig out my agent's contacts. He did a good match and got me a really good and responsible doemstic helper. Now she is taking care of Chobee in the day and I can "fang xin' and concentrate on my work.
Pet: Haha...I so sotong yesterday. I thought you already have the tickets. Was in the lift already then I went down again. I'll say hello to you another day.
You can get replacements quickly if you go to your agent and get a transfer maid. But also bear in mind that transfer maids may come with their problems, cos you dunno why they transferred from their previous employer. If you want I can go dig out my agent's contacts. He did a good match and got me a really good and responsible doemstic helper. Now she is taking care of Chobee in the day and I can "fang xin' and concentrate on my work.
Pet: Haha...I so sotong yesterday. I thought you already have the tickets. Was in the lift already then I went down again. I'll say hello to you another day.
CSI: So worrying! One of my contacts also got maid problems all along and finally decided to send back this week. Seems the maid every beat the eldest girl a few times and even hid fact of owning handphone. Plus was seen with some guy passing her a new phone (when employer confiscated one). I told her the moment maid beat your kid you should send back already but because they have 3 and both husband and wife must work to support all the mouths, they don't dare to do without maid. Alamak and now problems get worst.
This said, I have one friend who's maid is sister of her relative's maid. So the maid's very reliable since through personal contact. They just went to a maid agency to pay for paperwork to be done. Maybe someone you know has a trusted relative back home who wants to come and work?
Or have you considered infant care? The subsidy is now $600. I still find it a better option since there are more pairs of eyes looking after the babies. Downside is when child's sick I must take leave and keep her home. But still worthwhile being able to spend time with her. She's learning lots in school too.
This said, I have one friend who's maid is sister of her relative's maid. So the maid's very reliable since through personal contact. They just went to a maid agency to pay for paperwork to be done. Maybe someone you know has a trusted relative back home who wants to come and work?
Or have you considered infant care? The subsidy is now $600. I still find it a better option since there are more pairs of eyes looking after the babies. Downside is when child's sick I must take leave and keep her home. But still worthwhile being able to spend time with her. She's learning lots in school too.
Pet, Chobeemama, Kidz,
yah...haiz. headache ah...
my maid's been with us for 3 mths+ only. And she has been taking stuff from us (and my siblings). Well, we do know that she took our notepads, facial masks, pore packs, tissue paper, files, envelopes, etc. We dunno if she had ever taken any money. That's why we want to send her back. Since then, we have kept our things (valuables)locked up and we've forbade her to bring a bag out with her (even if it's to put her panty liners or water bottle).
Yup, I do rely on the maid to care for bb L when hb and I are at work. Best part, today is the last day of HB's sch hols. He starts classes tmrw. Want to send her back immediately, but got nobody to look after baby.
I did consider infant care, but dunno how bb L will react to it. She gets separation anxiety now at this age...will it be too sudden if we just put her in infant care like that? I was hoping to be able to "tong" till she's 1 yr old then put her in infant care...ok, by then probably known as child care...
yah...haiz. headache ah...
my maid's been with us for 3 mths+ only. And she has been taking stuff from us (and my siblings). Well, we do know that she took our notepads, facial masks, pore packs, tissue paper, files, envelopes, etc. We dunno if she had ever taken any money. That's why we want to send her back. Since then, we have kept our things (valuables)locked up and we've forbade her to bring a bag out with her (even if it's to put her panty liners or water bottle).
Yup, I do rely on the maid to care for bb L when hb and I are at work. Best part, today is the last day of HB's sch hols. He starts classes tmrw. Want to send her back immediately, but got nobody to look after baby.
I did consider infant care, but dunno how bb L will react to it. She gets separation anxiety now at this age...will it be too sudden if we just put her in infant care like that? I was hoping to be able to "tong" till she's 1 yr old then put her in infant care...ok, by then probably known as child care...
Mylollipopdays
Active Member
CSI_Fan, we're facing the same dilemma. Maid's unreliable and Dana has extreme stranger anxiety. Hence have been quite troubled lately and can't rest well at night.
Thanks Kidz for your encouraging email. Really helps to have a listening ear and a new perspective to things. I agree totally a SAHM is the most noble of all professions but financially not everyone can make that sacrifice
Thanks Kidz for your encouraging email. Really helps to have a listening ear and a new perspective to things. I agree totally a SAHM is the most noble of all professions but financially not everyone can make that sacrifice
CSI: I think separation anxiety will happen whenever a child has to start a new phase in school. I also kena at kindergarten (those days no child care) and at P1. Sec 1 also I a bit "chua-chua" to go to a school where non of my friends going... My opinion is that it's a sooner or later thing. My girl's eyes welled up with tears on her 1st day at infant care - she was 3.5MO then. Her daddy held her while I pass her things and instructions to the teacher. Then I turned to "bao bao" her and she looked at me sadly then bury her face in her daddy's chest. I was so heartbroken! Now she weeekend also carry a bag-bag and say want to go "A-bei" (partial name of her sch). At sch she's always glad to arrive, in PM always delighted to see us pick her up. She's grown attached to the teachers too and now don't want to go on to Play Group (she's 18M already) coz new teachers there.
Be warned though that whatever age we put our kids into group care/school setting, that's when they get exposed to germs. This also is a sooner or later thing. My girl's immunity is now much better.
So tough being parents right?
Be warned though that whatever age we put our kids into group care/school setting, that's when they get exposed to germs. This also is a sooner or later thing. My girl's immunity is now much better.
So tough being parents right?
Sleek,
Ideally, I wanted the 3 pm Friday class because it's my day off on Friday but they told me the class is full. Does your baby like the class?
When we tried the class yesterday, there was an 11 month trying it too... so they're not THAT particular.
Maid situation- I totally get it. Sigh. Tough situation. I had no choice but to get a maid. She's godsend with the kids. Loves them and takes initiative but still irritates the heck out of me sometimes. But it's got to do with me being concerned that she is cutting corners and being complacent, being a little bit 'over' gan cheong at times and like when I'm home and baby falls down, I want to be the one who comforts baby but she'd have grabbed whoever and is cradling them and I can't extricate the baby. So I think there's jealousy involved on my part too.
I was actually thinking that if I did this Playdays thing, I'll ask my MIL to come with me instead of her.
It's irrational but oh well.. Mommy's prerogative.
Ideally, I wanted the 3 pm Friday class because it's my day off on Friday but they told me the class is full. Does your baby like the class?
When we tried the class yesterday, there was an 11 month trying it too... so they're not THAT particular.
Maid situation- I totally get it. Sigh. Tough situation. I had no choice but to get a maid. She's godsend with the kids. Loves them and takes initiative but still irritates the heck out of me sometimes. But it's got to do with me being concerned that she is cutting corners and being complacent, being a little bit 'over' gan cheong at times and like when I'm home and baby falls down, I want to be the one who comforts baby but she'd have grabbed whoever and is cradling them and I can't extricate the baby. So I think there's jealousy involved on my part too.
It's irrational but oh well.. Mommy's prerogative.
angel,
oh dear, you too? I've been "napping" most of my nights - 4 hrs sleep kinda thing.
kidz,
true...it will happen each time there's a major change in the child's life. I remember my own childhood. Being left at some nanny's home, crying my lungs out for my parents to turn back...till they decided to get a maid when my sister was born (I was 6 yrs old then).
Ondine,
ur MIL is a nice lady. It'll be nice to bring the twins to Playdays with her...good time for u 2 to bond even more...
Chobeeemama,
dun mind, can PM me ur agent's contact please? I may want to enquire from him too, if there's really no suitable ones from my agent.
I still can't get over it...maid says our standard is too high...hahaha...
oh dear, you too? I've been "napping" most of my nights - 4 hrs sleep kinda thing.
kidz,
true...it will happen each time there's a major change in the child's life. I remember my own childhood. Being left at some nanny's home, crying my lungs out for my parents to turn back...till they decided to get a maid when my sister was born (I was 6 yrs old then).
Ondine,
ur MIL is a nice lady. It'll be nice to bring the twins to Playdays with her...good time for u 2 to bond even more...
Chobeeemama,
dun mind, can PM me ur agent's contact please? I may want to enquire from him too, if there's really no suitable ones from my agent.
I still can't get over it...maid says our standard is too high...hahaha...
CSI: I'm now at work. I will look for my file then PM you when I reach home.
I'm surprised that your maid was only 3 months with you. The impression I had was that she has fulfilled her 2 year contract and seeing you are not renewing, she changed her character. Only 3 months into her job and her attitude is so bad. If standard high or low you can talk it over and reach a middle ground.
I am rather lax with my helper (Sleek can attest to that), cos she is mature and knows she is working for her kids. She is free to go out in the day and chat with other maids, bringing my duaghter down for a walk. cos I trust her. That said, it took me some months of observation, and we never leave valuables around the house, not because I don't trust her, but more like I don't want to tempt her. Well, if you have been missing things around the house, then it may be a blessing in disguise that your maid wants to go. Her bad attitude will surely speed up the process. What I cannot tolerate is dishonesty.
You might want to get a non-transfer maid? That might take 2 weeks for the paperwork. Would you mind if I check with helper if she has a cousin or trusted neighbour that might want to come to work here? At least I know her family is all right and no hankypanky business. One of my colleagues is also employing her sister cos she thought my helper is doing a good job.
I'm surprised that your maid was only 3 months with you. The impression I had was that she has fulfilled her 2 year contract and seeing you are not renewing, she changed her character. Only 3 months into her job and her attitude is so bad. If standard high or low you can talk it over and reach a middle ground.
I am rather lax with my helper (Sleek can attest to that), cos she is mature and knows she is working for her kids. She is free to go out in the day and chat with other maids, bringing my duaghter down for a walk. cos I trust her. That said, it took me some months of observation, and we never leave valuables around the house, not because I don't trust her, but more like I don't want to tempt her. Well, if you have been missing things around the house, then it may be a blessing in disguise that your maid wants to go. Her bad attitude will surely speed up the process. What I cannot tolerate is dishonesty.
You might want to get a non-transfer maid? That might take 2 weeks for the paperwork. Would you mind if I check with helper if she has a cousin or trusted neighbour that might want to come to work here? At least I know her family is all right and no hankypanky business. One of my colleagues is also employing her sister cos she thought my helper is doing a good job.
CSI: My personal take is: we should not pay $ to engage someone we cannot stand. It does not matter how much we pay you, we just need not subject ourselves to your nonsense. That's our stand with our maids. As such, I tell each of the maids that come to us. You come at your free will. We have our expectations. You've got to meet them. If you are sincere and serious about working with us, you work to meet our min expectations. If however, you are not interested, don't waste my time and yours. Or if you feel that you've tried very hard, yet cannot meet our expectations, ask yourself if you are serious about working. If you are, and put your heart to it, there's nothing you cannot meet. And if you tried so hard, still feel that we are 'finding fault', then ask to transfer. I don't need someone who is unhappy being here and I don't want to employ someone I'm unhappy about.
From my experiences, I've learnt that sometimes it's not about being mean... but what my agent says is true lor... they do not come from same culture/ environment/ experience as such, what is min EQ and expected behaviour, they may not be aware, so at times, we need to be very specific, even if it feels like we are putting them down. Of course our intention is not to put them down, but often we need to tell them specifically what is expected and what is not, cannot assume, they understand our min code of conduct.
I've dealt with maids who err & err repeatedly... stole $, food, made illegal phone calls, etc... at first we thought to be kind, give chance... talk to her... but at the end of the day, a leopard will not change its spots. Finally, we decided enough was enough... agent claimed she did well at her 2nd employer... however, a recent check shows that she was with her 2nd employer for less than 2 months & 3rd for less than a month and work permit cancelled... some simple calculation suggest that she should not have finished her loan yet... but of course reason for terminated work permit is unknown... maybe she's taken to court for some theft case... if so, then it's probably our fault for not sending her back straight away but giving her the many chances to cause harm to other families... ;-p
Try to look around for a good replacement.
As for relatives of good maids... I think it may not always be so... I've had a very good part time maid previously. She's efficient & hardworking... then her daughter wanted to come to Singapore. Daughter came on visitor pass & was trying to find an employer... OMG, she's slow & lazy, nothing like the mother! Young but incapable! I told mum I cannot accept her daughter even for part time work, not to mention employing her as my stay-in maid! I've also had experience when maids recommend their neighbours, praise them sky high, but when the neighbour arrives, nothing like the resume... hahaha...
After going through 5 maids, we prefer to get transfer maids who are available in Singapore for us to meet & interview. We try to find out the reason for their transfer & speak to their previous employer if possible... then we also observe how the maid carry herself and how she interacts with the kids... so far, our transfer maids have turned out to be better than the fresh maids we got...
I'm thinking to change my current one... she's Indo, can cook & clean very well, obedient.... but my Malay is not good... though her English is not bad, I feel that still not as good as my previous Filo maids... then annoying that she does not understand sometimes... end up me losing my temper and shouting at her. We had never raised our voices at our previous 4 Filo maids... no matter how angry... but this one tips the limit...
Our analysis is that this one 286 compared to previous 486/ Pentiums... this one, not properly programmed to our way of doing things... the previous ones somehow picks up faster... then lang barrier... adds up to frustrating experience...
Then reluctant to let go cos she really cook & clean well... people say win some, lose some... but I cannot stand the fact that I've become an employer to shouts at her maid... when I used to find people doing that very silly lor... I mean, why pay for someone that I need to shout at...
sigh...
Then again, I believe, if we keep searching, we will find a good maid one day.... keep trying... good luck...
From my experiences, I've learnt that sometimes it's not about being mean... but what my agent says is true lor... they do not come from same culture/ environment/ experience as such, what is min EQ and expected behaviour, they may not be aware, so at times, we need to be very specific, even if it feels like we are putting them down. Of course our intention is not to put them down, but often we need to tell them specifically what is expected and what is not, cannot assume, they understand our min code of conduct.
I've dealt with maids who err & err repeatedly... stole $, food, made illegal phone calls, etc... at first we thought to be kind, give chance... talk to her... but at the end of the day, a leopard will not change its spots. Finally, we decided enough was enough... agent claimed she did well at her 2nd employer... however, a recent check shows that she was with her 2nd employer for less than 2 months & 3rd for less than a month and work permit cancelled... some simple calculation suggest that she should not have finished her loan yet... but of course reason for terminated work permit is unknown... maybe she's taken to court for some theft case... if so, then it's probably our fault for not sending her back straight away but giving her the many chances to cause harm to other families... ;-p
Try to look around for a good replacement.
As for relatives of good maids... I think it may not always be so... I've had a very good part time maid previously. She's efficient & hardworking... then her daughter wanted to come to Singapore. Daughter came on visitor pass & was trying to find an employer... OMG, she's slow & lazy, nothing like the mother! Young but incapable! I told mum I cannot accept her daughter even for part time work, not to mention employing her as my stay-in maid! I've also had experience when maids recommend their neighbours, praise them sky high, but when the neighbour arrives, nothing like the resume... hahaha...
After going through 5 maids, we prefer to get transfer maids who are available in Singapore for us to meet & interview. We try to find out the reason for their transfer & speak to their previous employer if possible... then we also observe how the maid carry herself and how she interacts with the kids... so far, our transfer maids have turned out to be better than the fresh maids we got...
I'm thinking to change my current one... she's Indo, can cook & clean very well, obedient.... but my Malay is not good... though her English is not bad, I feel that still not as good as my previous Filo maids... then annoying that she does not understand sometimes... end up me losing my temper and shouting at her. We had never raised our voices at our previous 4 Filo maids... no matter how angry... but this one tips the limit...
Our analysis is that this one 286 compared to previous 486/ Pentiums... this one, not properly programmed to our way of doing things... the previous ones somehow picks up faster... then lang barrier... adds up to frustrating experience...
Then reluctant to let go cos she really cook & clean well... people say win some, lose some... but I cannot stand the fact that I've become an employer to shouts at her maid... when I used to find people doing that very silly lor... I mean, why pay for someone that I need to shout at...
sigh...
Then again, I believe, if we keep searching, we will find a good maid one day.... keep trying... good luck...
EmQ: Understand your situation - sometimes gotta give and take. Agree too that need to reassess situation if you find yourself shouting at your maid. Never know when the maid will snap --- goes either way. That's why I can't understand why the lady never sent back maid when maid 1st beat her eldest daughter. Moreover no window grills in her flat... Now they finally sending maid off coz the maid blew up at the girl (threw something at her) and restraint her when she tried to call the parents
A maid is an employee and should never be cause for employers to quarrel i.e. husband and wife unhappy over maid's work, attitude, etc. Nor should the maid ever be a surrogate parent i.e. take care of children because parents have no time.
Being in social service sector (am not social worker tho), I've come across many cases where of parents (in particular mothers) who regret fostering out the raising of their children to the maid. I remember specific cases where the children bully the maids because they are angry the parents are not around more often
. Recently I spoke to a counsellor friend with two adult kids. She told me even with a maid, she made sure she sent her kidz down to wait for school bus or is there to pick them up when the school bus drops them off. This way, she gets to chat with them and gain insights into their world. Her MIL used to berate her for being silly
and not leaving such tasks to the maid. I believe this friend has gotten the right picture and I want to learn from her.
Even before we got married and started hearing "horror stories" about maids from our peers/colleagues, my hubby and I were clear that we won't get a maid to help with children or housework. We didn't want to loose privacy. Our compromise was close one eye to untidiness. We've survived well on using part-time help now and then - like before a family gathering at home
For meals, we usually buy back, have tried tingkat too (more convenient can change supplier as and when i.e. when tired of the style of cooking). I do cook for our girl though. This said, if ever we decide to have a maid, it would be when I become a SAHM so that I raise our children (more than 1 then) and our maid can take care of housework. But we're coping well now so again not likely to take up the maid option. Not to mention, probably can't afford one one income. So I'm preparing myself for the day when I have to jump into a phone booth and emerge as Super Mom
A maid is an employee and should never be cause for employers to quarrel i.e. husband and wife unhappy over maid's work, attitude, etc. Nor should the maid ever be a surrogate parent i.e. take care of children because parents have no time.
Being in social service sector (am not social worker tho), I've come across many cases where of parents (in particular mothers) who regret fostering out the raising of their children to the maid. I remember specific cases where the children bully the maids because they are angry the parents are not around more often
Even before we got married and started hearing "horror stories" about maids from our peers/colleagues, my hubby and I were clear that we won't get a maid to help with children or housework. We didn't want to loose privacy. Our compromise was close one eye to untidiness. We've survived well on using part-time help now and then - like before a family gathering at home
Thanks mummies, for your encouragement and insights...
HB and I are still thinking through our options. Maid still with us right now...she didn't mention anything last night (and neither did I). I guess I shd have sounded her out last night. But on the other hand, I wanted to have my chips (alternative arrangements) in place before talking to her...
kidz,
yah...I also dun want to make the "mistake" of fostering out the raising of my kids to the maid. So I tend to be more hands on with baby when I'm at home. Coz to me, it's my child. If I can't do certain things well for her, why shd I expect someone else to do it well? And like ur fren, my MIL would (and still does) berate me for not leaving it to the maid. Weekend, I want to scoop porridge for my gal and feed her, my MIL will scold and say let the maid do it. But to me, it's like, whole week I dun get a chance to feed my gal (except BF), now weekend I also cannot feed? I find that more silly. hahaha. When I feed her myself, I get to see her reaction, I know what she likes or dun like, and since she still can't talk, I would be able to know her expressions for "dun like, dun want, want more" etc...I'd be more in tune with her signs...Thankfully, hb feels the same way. But we just keep quiet when MIL makes noise at us. hehs...
my hb has a motto: there is no such thing as no time. U just have to make time for it. If u dun make it for anything, u'll never have time.
kidz,
yah...I also dun want to make the "mistake" of fostering out the raising of my kids to the maid. So I tend to be more hands on with baby when I'm at home. Coz to me, it's my child. If I can't do certain things well for her, why shd I expect someone else to do it well? And like ur fren, my MIL would (and still does) berate me for not leaving it to the maid. Weekend, I want to scoop porridge for my gal and feed her, my MIL will scold and say let the maid do it. But to me, it's like, whole week I dun get a chance to feed my gal (except BF), now weekend I also cannot feed? I find that more silly. hahaha. When I feed her myself, I get to see her reaction, I know what she likes or dun like, and since she still can't talk, I would be able to know her expressions for "dun like, dun want, want more" etc...I'd be more in tune with her signs...Thankfully, hb feels the same way. But we just keep quiet when MIL makes noise at us. hehs...
my hb has a motto: there is no such thing as no time. U just have to make time for it. If u dun make it for anything, u'll never have time.
kidz: I think you are quite right... never know when maid is going to snap with my constant snapping... either I stop or I change maid. Will call agent 1st thing tomorrow morning.
CSI: We are entitled to decide how we want to handle our kids. Don't let any 'outlaws' or 'inlaws' words affect us... hee hee... initially my inlaws also say want to look after #1 for us, just let child stay at their place, etc... but hubby & I feel that if we wanted an ez life, might as well not have kids... we'll be losing out the fun if we just leave kids at grands & visit them... of course once in a while, we envy the freedom that friends who leave kids at grands enjoy... they continue with their 'park tou' days even after having kids... not for us lor...
Well, in the end, MIL looked after #1 at our home for a year. In that one year, hubby & I quarreled every other day! Basically MIL can't manage. But we had to tong that 18mths (mum looked after #1 for 6 mths until her health acted up - had pre-existing health condition). The moment #1 went to cc, we re-gained our 'happiness'. We realised we had nothing to quarrel about... no more dirty house, no more toys strewn all over, unreasonable pampering, etc... of course things also became a little more tiring since we had to be there 24/7 for #1 in addition to the housework, etc...
We eventually got part time cleaners.. & life was great...
When #2 came along, we decided on having a maid. However, our 1st 3 maids gave us so much problems, MIL ended up staying over (cos we needed her help when we were in between maids since I had returned to work)... then MIL was worried abt maid ill-treating baby, etc.. our intial plan was to leave baby with maid... but many colleagues & friends advised against it... so MIL ended up with us...
As with some turn of events, now both MIL & FIL are staying with us... for good (?)... With MIL's dirty ways & incapability, there's no way I can keep my sanity without a maid to at least help clean up after her. MIL cannot cook, cannot clean & cannot handle baby on her own... even without baby, she still messes us the house! So how to come home to a dirty house after a hard days work... to a home where the kids can't play in clean environment? So no matter how 'evil' my maid option is... I may not be able to live with one for as long as MIL IS IN my house.... sigh... #2 going to cc next Feb, cos #3 arriving in Jan... maybe when #3 goes cc, it'll be time for me to consider going without maid... maybe by then #1 can be trained to help out...
God be merciful... =D
CSI: We are entitled to decide how we want to handle our kids. Don't let any 'outlaws' or 'inlaws' words affect us... hee hee... initially my inlaws also say want to look after #1 for us, just let child stay at their place, etc... but hubby & I feel that if we wanted an ez life, might as well not have kids... we'll be losing out the fun if we just leave kids at grands & visit them... of course once in a while, we envy the freedom that friends who leave kids at grands enjoy... they continue with their 'park tou' days even after having kids... not for us lor...
Well, in the end, MIL looked after #1 at our home for a year. In that one year, hubby & I quarreled every other day! Basically MIL can't manage. But we had to tong that 18mths (mum looked after #1 for 6 mths until her health acted up - had pre-existing health condition). The moment #1 went to cc, we re-gained our 'happiness'. We realised we had nothing to quarrel about... no more dirty house, no more toys strewn all over, unreasonable pampering, etc... of course things also became a little more tiring since we had to be there 24/7 for #1 in addition to the housework, etc...
We eventually got part time cleaners.. & life was great...
When #2 came along, we decided on having a maid. However, our 1st 3 maids gave us so much problems, MIL ended up staying over (cos we needed her help when we were in between maids since I had returned to work)... then MIL was worried abt maid ill-treating baby, etc.. our intial plan was to leave baby with maid... but many colleagues & friends advised against it... so MIL ended up with us...
As with some turn of events, now both MIL & FIL are staying with us... for good (?)... With MIL's dirty ways & incapability, there's no way I can keep my sanity without a maid to at least help clean up after her. MIL cannot cook, cannot clean & cannot handle baby on her own... even without baby, she still messes us the house! So how to come home to a dirty house after a hard days work... to a home where the kids can't play in clean environment? So no matter how 'evil' my maid option is... I may not be able to live with one for as long as MIL IS IN my house.... sigh... #2 going to cc next Feb, cos #3 arriving in Jan... maybe when #3 goes cc, it'll be time for me to consider going without maid... maybe by then #1 can be trained to help out...
God be merciful... =D
EmQ: Haha, I see you have a "2yr plan" in place - training #1 to help out. Heehee. Yeah, that's how we all grew up also with older sibling helping out. Thing now our kidz all too good life so not motivated to lift a finger.
The other day I saw a Malay lady in her early 30s board the bus with her 5 kidz. The eldest is a girl of about 9 and she was very capable, straddling one toddler on her hip while moving all the way to the back to get a seat. The mom was herself carrying an infant. #2 & #3 happily "swung" from handle bar to handle bar to move to the seat. But can see the eldest was very attentive to all the siblings. Making sure they sit down, etc. This elderly couple next to me was so impress they kept praising the girl. I also was awed by her maturity and capability.
At the end of the day, everything boils down to upbringing which leads back to the question: who is really the one bringing up our kidz?
The other day I saw a Malay lady in her early 30s board the bus with her 5 kidz. The eldest is a girl of about 9 and she was very capable, straddling one toddler on her hip while moving all the way to the back to get a seat. The mom was herself carrying an infant. #2 & #3 happily "swung" from handle bar to handle bar to move to the seat. But can see the eldest was very attentive to all the siblings. Making sure they sit down, etc. This elderly couple next to me was so impress they kept praising the girl. I also was awed by her maturity and capability.
At the end of the day, everything boils down to upbringing which leads back to the question: who is really the one bringing up our kidz?
Kidz: Gotta what... I was very ambitious... wanted 6 kids... but with turn of events... maybe should just be contented with 3 princesses (1 short of my ideal 4 pricesses)...
Actually, I grew up that way, well not that we had to take over our parents' duties, but my elder sis & I had to help with minding the younger ones once in awhile... but we develop such close relationship... we are very close-knit till today. My sisters pop over each other's place very often, we BP together, buy our own bulk together too... & shopping trips usually involves 1 or 2 MPVs... to tuck everyone in.. hee hee.. dinners are difficult cos we always need such a big table... hahaha...
Actually, I grew up that way, well not that we had to take over our parents' duties, but my elder sis & I had to help with minding the younger ones once in awhile... but we develop such close relationship... we are very close-knit till today. My sisters pop over each other's place very often, we BP together, buy our own bulk together too... & shopping trips usually involves 1 or 2 MPVs... to tuck everyone in.. hee hee.. dinners are difficult cos we always need such a big table... hahaha...
Castle House
Active Member
Hi Mummies
I have just started my 4th BP on Cashew Nuts...my loyal fan is here kekeke....
Here's the link
http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/581296/1688356.html?1220511520
Thank you for the support.
I have just started my 4th BP on Cashew Nuts...my loyal fan is here kekeke....
Here's the link
http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/581296/1688356.html?1220511520
Thank you for the support.
kidz: Yes, agree... I love the big family feeling... even up till a few years ago, my extended family still travel together! Cousins, aunts, uncles & all! We basically form our own group... hahaha... but as we grew older & have our own families, it became more difficult to meet for the larger extension... so now mostly ourselves..
No la, we are all very independent women... we just lug the kids & maids along... husbands can kao bian zhan... hahaha... they usually join us after work lor... or they just come to pick us up if the cars are with them...
Excursions, husbands will come along most of the time... shopping trips, sometimes they just go to work lor... hahaha..
No la, we are all very independent women... we just lug the kids & maids along... husbands can kao bian zhan... hahaha... they usually join us after work lor... or they just come to pick us up if the cars are with them...
Excursions, husbands will come along most of the time... shopping trips, sometimes they just go to work lor... hahaha..
isobellies
Active Member
such interesting insights all around! and it's good to hear these stories because i want 3-4 little monsters but i often wonder how to cope logistically (if i can call it that!)
i would love to have a big family!
my hubby used to mention that we should just let our parents take care of our kids for us, but i always tell him, do you want them to be your parents' children, or ours? i feel it should be our responsibility.
i think it's quite common in malay families for the kids to look after each other, i wonder how they do it. would be interesting to have some tips
my hubby used to mention that we should just let our parents take care of our kids for us, but i always tell him, do you want them to be your parents' children, or ours? i feel it should be our responsibility.
i think it's quite common in malay families for the kids to look after each other, i wonder how they do it. would be interesting to have some tips
wow EmQ, you have your plans thought out already...train #1...but it's good also.
My BIL and SIL (hb's bro and wife), would put their 2 kids at PIL's place. Think they sort of regret it...coz to some extent, they dun have control over how the boys are brought up / cared for. If they are not happy with one style/mthd, they can't really make noise over it, coz they are not the ones handling! MIL spoils the older boy rotten. BIL dun like it and finds it tough to bring the boy back under control...but at the same time, he can't scold his mum. So, no matter how tough it is for me, I'll perservere in being the main caregiver (except when I'm at work lah).
Hb and I set aside 1 day each month for pak tor. hahaha. no more late night movies etc...but well, given the direction that moive prices, food prices, carpark rates etc, are going these days, I dun think we miss much. Just simple makan for 2. cozy......
Isobellies,
yup...would be interesting to learn from malay families...
My BIL and SIL (hb's bro and wife), would put their 2 kids at PIL's place. Think they sort of regret it...coz to some extent, they dun have control over how the boys are brought up / cared for. If they are not happy with one style/mthd, they can't really make noise over it, coz they are not the ones handling! MIL spoils the older boy rotten. BIL dun like it and finds it tough to bring the boy back under control...but at the same time, he can't scold his mum. So, no matter how tough it is for me, I'll perservere in being the main caregiver (except when I'm at work lah).
Hb and I set aside 1 day each month for pak tor. hahaha. no more late night movies etc...but well, given the direction that moive prices, food prices, carpark rates etc, are going these days, I dun think we miss much. Just simple makan for 2. cozy......
Isobellies,
yup...would be interesting to learn from malay families...
there was an article in today's straits times about a BP for strollers that was a scam by the 'suppliers in Indo', I wonder if it was the same one that was in our BP section not too long ago for quinny, maclaren, stokke, bugaboo, etc!
Did a quick look around and it is the same spree that was here, more details at http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/2/1658583.html?1219949590
hope none of the mums here were affected by this! So scary to be dealing with these sight unseen/ unknown suppliers!
Did a quick look around and it is the same spree that was here, more details at http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/2/1658583.html?1219949590
hope none of the mums here were affected by this! So scary to be dealing with these sight unseen/ unknown suppliers!
ryan_mummy
Active Member
wah.. sleek.. i was so tempted lor.. the storkke.. hengz hb refuse to budge..
Hi, actually not only Malay families la... but then again, because of their 'Gotong Royong' mindset (dunno if I spelt that right), they are very community-centred... there are many good points we can learn from them in that sense.
Well, actually, traditionally, Chinese families were brought up that way too. Historically, Chinese families lived in large extensions under the same roof... much like the 'palace' concept... different wings for different extensions... just that the Chinese also modernise rapidly, losing all the extensions as we develop... hee hee... then we became nuclear families... actually in these BPs, we are forming some kind of 'artificial extensions', such that we band together to buy stuffs in bulk, give 'advice' to one another or simply lend a 'reading eye'... hee hee...
I mean, instead of gathering in the courtyard to 'gossip', we do it online... hee hee.. modernise version...
Have a great day, sisters... (& brothers?)... me better catch up on outstanding work... gotta go fetch #1 from cc soon.
Well, actually, traditionally, Chinese families were brought up that way too. Historically, Chinese families lived in large extensions under the same roof... much like the 'palace' concept... different wings for different extensions... just that the Chinese also modernise rapidly, losing all the extensions as we develop... hee hee... then we became nuclear families... actually in these BPs, we are forming some kind of 'artificial extensions', such that we band together to buy stuffs in bulk, give 'advice' to one another or simply lend a 'reading eye'... hee hee...
I mean, instead of gathering in the courtyard to 'gossip', we do it online... hee hee.. modernise version...
Have a great day, sisters... (& brothers?)... me better catch up on outstanding work... gotta go fetch #1 from cc soon.
isobellies
Active Member
CSI
same like my hb's bro and wife also, their son is here 5 days a week, sometimes weekend or if they are on leave they will come/bring him over! my BIL is super bo chap type and SIL v easy going, so they just leave PIL to it, but I am more anal and have my own ideas, so i'm sooooo lucky i can stay home for now and make sure mine is being brought up the way i want! heh.
same like my hb's bro and wife also, their son is here 5 days a week, sometimes weekend or if they are on leave they will come/bring him over! my BIL is super bo chap type and SIL v easy going, so they just leave PIL to it, but I am more anal and have my own ideas, so i'm sooooo lucky i can stay home for now and make sure mine is being brought up the way i want! heh.
Iso, wrt to your BIL & SIL's case, it's not really about being easy-going or anal, after all, the child is yours, so you should be the 1 taking care of the child whenever you can, if not why have a child in the first place right?
In a sense it's sad, especially when the child grows up, will the child respect and recognize the parents or will the child turn to the grandparents who have been there more.
I'm okay if the grandparents providing the care thinks along the same wavelength in terms of values, discipline. But I don't support leaving kidz with extended caregivers overnight. Even if the parents visit the children every weekday night, you still don't really get to know your children. Like every AM, what the child likes to do, eat, etc. When I bring my girl to CC, we like to sing song or she'd jibber jabber and point things out at me. Half the time the things she say are not there lah e.g. "dog-dog". Maybe she asking me if there's going to be a "dog-dog".
But point is we bond and have fun together.
I feel very sad for those children who are not living with their parents - whether they see the parents every evening or only on weekends, the parents are missing out on the child's growing up.
Think I shared before that some years back there was a Chinese current affairs show focusing on parenting. They showed a 5YO girl reading days of the week flashcards her nanny was showing her. When it came to the word 'Friday', the little girl shouted "Mommy and Daddy pick me up day!"
I feel very sad for those children who are not living with their parents - whether they see the parents every evening or only on weekends, the parents are missing out on the child's growing up.
Think I shared before that some years back there was a Chinese current affairs show focusing on parenting. They showed a 5YO girl reading days of the week flashcards her nanny was showing her. When it came to the word 'Friday', the little girl shouted "Mommy and Daddy pick me up day!"
Oh dear I think I am guilty of outsourcing my girl to my domestic helper a lot even when I am at home. 
So easy to get lazy when there is help around. I just console myself that I see her every evening, and she is still close to me. Must change and be more involved since I am already a FTWM and spend most of the day out.
Yeah I feel sad for kids who see their parents only in the weekends. Sometimes I wonder whether the grandparents feel tired also taking care of them 24/5. It's more than a full time job! So parents should relieve the grandparents' job by bringing back their kids!
So easy to get lazy when there is help around. I just console myself that I see her every evening, and she is still close to me. Must change and be more involved since I am already a FTWM and spend most of the day out. Yeah I feel sad for kids who see their parents only in the weekends. Sometimes I wonder whether the grandparents feel tired also taking care of them 24/5. It's more than a full time job! So parents should relieve the grandparents' job by bringing back their kids!
Chobeemama,
I always feel torn when it comes to my twins. When I'm out, I feel like I should be home but when I'm home, I'm sometimes itching to go out and will, like you say, 'outsource' my kids. But even then, I'm getting more possessive over them as in, I don't like it that they are closer to their other caregivers.
My husband, of course, thinks I'm crazy but I think I'm just a mom.
I always feel torn when it comes to my twins. When I'm out, I feel like I should be home but when I'm home, I'm sometimes itching to go out and will, like you say, 'outsource' my kids. But even then, I'm getting more possessive over them as in, I don't like it that they are closer to their other caregivers.
My husband, of course, thinks I'm crazy but I think I'm just a mom.
isobellies
Active Member
sleek: ok maybe anal is not the right word, but i definitely have different ideas about doing things, so if i wasn't around to do things my way i think i'd be most disappointed in myself
ondine: i think that's the universal mummy's dilemma sometimes when my son is awake i wish he was asleep, when he's asleep i think he's so cute and wish he would wake up and play with me...
ondine: i think that's the universal mummy's dilemma
sometimes when my son is awake i wish he was asleep, when he's asleep i think he's so cute and wish he would wake up and play with me... ryan_mummy
Active Member
dear mummies, i maybe using registered post for the baby's prom tickets.. cause it's abit hard to arrange a location that both me & the seller can get to. i'll keep u all updated.
dun worry. we'll get the tickets. i already paid her.
juz tat if registered post then we need to share cost.
dun worry. we'll get the tickets. i already paid her.
juz tat if registered post then we need to share cost.
ryan_mummy
Active Member
sleek: i've gotten the tickets.
managed to meet her at tanglin mall this afternoon.. yay! i'll pass chobee the tickets when i c her in hv tmr..
chobee, sms u ltr. u wan pass me cash or transfer?
sleek n jasmine, as usual.. during gathering i'll pass to u.
jasmine, i'll pass u cash instead. $20.15 *i think*
managed to meet her at tanglin mall this afternoon.. yay! i'll pass chobee the tickets when i c her in hv tmr..
chobee, sms u ltr. u wan pass me cash or transfer?
sleek n jasmine, as usual.. during gathering i'll pass to u.
jasmine, i'll pass u cash instead. $20.15 *i think*
ryan_mummy
Active Member
btw, i'm getting mooncakes frm GWP. anyone wants to join order can let me noe.
http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/451986/1693819.html?1220656861
http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/451986/1693819.html?1220656861
ryan_mummy
Active Member
sleek: i din expect so many ppl... actually i already have abt 10boxes. so i tot some get 5 each, only need 4/5mummies.. in the end my email kenna bombarded..
so i created a thread. i already prewarned beelee.
if they cancel my thread then i'll carry on via email lor. bobian
so i created a thread. i already prewarned beelee.
if they cancel my thread then i'll carry on via email lor. bobian
ryan_mummy
Active Member
morning ladies... i regret liao.. account suspended.. but nvm lah. i m not too urgent selling things yet...
ryan_mummy
Active Member
emq: nah.. they close e account totally.
nvm lah.. juz abit upset..
nvm lah.. juz abit upset..
Che... kind of silly, does not serve any purpose, does it? I mean we can register another user-id lor... except perhaps troublesome for mummies who are doing alot of BPs, etc... but guess to get round, they may have safe guarded & register a few user-ids in the 1st place... =D
Anyway, nvm la... you are still around. =D
Anyway, nvm la... you are still around. =D
isobellies
Active Member
wah
how come suspended leh? and you had 2421 posts!! now have to start all over again... hee.
how come suspended leh? and you had 2421 posts!! now have to start all over again... hee.
Pet: So sorry to hear that! Nevermind, lesson for all of us to learn. You just "jia you!"
Newer mommies: Last time Angel Maybe helped to arrange family foto shoot for us she also kena complained that it should actually be a BP and she should pay the $25/wk to organise. After that episode, we realised this forum is actually crawling with vltr "secret police" popping into threads to check. They'll report whenever they see something inappropriate or seeming like abuse of the forum. Or report scammers who make their way back under different IDs. Like Sandy Poh's post about her cashew nuts BP -- this type can kena complain for posting into non-related threads i.e. soliciting for business.
Newer mommies: Last time Angel Maybe helped to arrange family foto shoot for us she also kena complained that it should actually be a BP and she should pay the $25/wk to organise. After that episode, we realised this forum is actually crawling with vltr "secret police" popping into threads to check. They'll report whenever they see something inappropriate or seeming like abuse of the forum. Or report scammers who make their way back under different IDs. Like Sandy Poh's post about her cashew nuts BP -- this type can kena complain for posting into non-related threads i.e. soliciting for business.
