Heartbroken

Both parties must come to agreement that both are equally at fault. Not point in playing the blame game or victim here. what you should do is sit down and talk things out with him. ask him how can you guys move forward from this and how can you guy work together to improve on this so that it will never happy again.
I disagree. The sitting down to talk part will only happen if one party is truly remorseful and not take the wife as a fool. We are all victims of husbands lying to us after we chose to give the marriage another chance or worse still many chances.

I gave mine a chance. Supported him in his work after the horrible discovery, only to realise he was not truthful to me. He could be with another woman overseas while I am in Singapore juggling work and home.
 


Drain

Member
Cool down.. Nothing to get furious/angry of what others trying to stir. I believe we all have the 'eyes' to judge if it's relevant at all.

But I do have to admit that when there's some issue that happened, both are at fault. Both really need to sit down and think what when wrong. And try to solve, and prevent it...

Sadly to say, not many are able to do it... And usually during a heated argument, both won't think that they are at fault. Moreover, sometimes when chance are given and given, and the other party still don't feel remorseful, what's the point of 'sitting down and talk' when it doesn't solve the issue?
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
The whole problem is once u show hands they will use it against you.
The problem is talk for men is useless, they don’t use their head to think when they have affair, they use their dick to decide!
 

Stansy

Member
I think Caramel_gal is either gigolo/public toilet coz he/she is totally perfect with the partner who cheats. Otherwise, he/she will be out of biz... :D
 
Aiya... am asshole is always an asshole. Just cannot keep their dick inside the pants. They think tt they hv truly found their true love... good luck to them lor. Not till when they are old, sick & kenna sucks dried dried left w nothing
Just watch... the dog men & bitches will have their karma soon
from what i see from my case... they are living a good life...
 

Caramel_gal

New Member
I think Caramel_gal is either gigolo/public toilet coz he/she is totally perfect with the partner who cheats. Otherwise, he/she will be out of biz... :D
Wow just because i have a different opinion? so that makes me a public toilet? I believe its the emotional baggage that wears a woman down. yes i agree it can be difficult for you to trust but hell you chose wrong in your man then deal with it. i mean i make mistakes in my choice of men too but that doesn't mean i should blanket the entire race of man just for your shitty husband's mistake?

If your natural reaction is to start calling people names, i can't imagine what you even say to your partner when you are angry. Probably why they cheated on you in the first time place, that any other girl would be better.
 

margret

Active Member
I strongly believe he is a man who had cheated on his wife and coming here to justify and dreaming that his wife should forgive him.
 
Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is doing fine. Im recovering slowly. There are still bad days but I chose to focus my energy and attention on my work and kids. :)

Wishing all of you a happy CNY!
 

Stansy

Member
Hi everyone,

Hope everyone is doing fine. Im recovering slowly. There are still bad days but I chose to focus my energy and attention on my work and kids. :)

Wishing all of you a happy CNY!
Hi Chelsea 1980, glad to know tt u r recovering well. Perfectly empathy with you, Do stays strong, positive and have faith... there’s always a silver lining in the cloud.

jia you and wishing you A meaningful, happy 2020!
 

Cloud998

New Member
Hi, glad to see that things are getting better as you work hard towards keeping your family togather... I’ve been reading around and noticed a lot of sadness, anger and thoughts of D stems from straying hubs. While I don’t have a straying hub, I’m tormented with his anger and verbal abuses. Anyone considers D due to these reasons or am I too weak minded?

Background. I have a toddler and is a normal working class mom earning a keep not so different from the hubs. Except that his family is more well off which is the source of many belittling. His curses test my morale values (eg cursing a young family member get raped and wants me to agree and laugh togather with him). If he loses at gambling (small bets less than 100) he will often blame me for being bad luck ever since we got married. Calling me dog... bitch... Lost temper when I used the wrong mode on the washing machine which ran half an hr longer. Told me he will throw my baby down the flat if I don’t come home from work soon. Will punch the pillow in the middle of the night when we have a quarrel in the day. I got so scared I hug my child every night.

I went for counselling and the counsellor told me it wasn’t normal to be treated with those words. It’s like walking on eggshells everyday. When I told him I was so emotionally stressed that I went counselling, he laughed at me and questioned how much I spent on the session cause it’s a waste of money. I don’t feel that he loves me at all :(
 

Drain

Member
Hi, glad to see that things are getting better as you work hard towards keeping your family togather... I’ve been reading around and noticed a lot of sadness, anger and thoughts of D stems from straying hubs. While I don’t have a straying hub, I’m tormented with his anger and verbal abuses. Anyone considers D due to these reasons or am I too weak minded?

Background. I have a toddler and is a normal working class mom earning a keep not so different from the hubs. Except that his family is more well off which is the source of many belittling. His curses test my morale values (eg cursing a young family member get raped and wants me to agree and laugh togather with him). If he loses at gambling (small bets less than 100) he will often blame me for being bad luck ever since we got married. Calling me dog... bitch... Lost temper when I used the wrong mode on the washing machine which ran half an hr longer. Told me he will throw my baby down the flat if I don’t come home from work soon. Will punch the pillow in the middle of the night when we have a quarrel in the day. I got so scared I hug my child every night.

I went for counselling and the counsellor told me it wasn’t normal to be treated with those words. It’s like walking on eggshells everyday. When I told him I was so emotionally stressed that I went counselling, he laughed at me and questioned how much I spent on the session cause it’s a waste of money. I don’t feel that he loves me at all :(
Did you try to talk to him? Was he this way before that? If doesn't, it might be that some issue/stress at work or outside, which result in his behaviour.

Of course it isn't normal to be treated like that. You have to think if you are able to accept this kind of 'torture' for the next few years or even till old. Abusive can become a serious case, which also may result in ending of marriage or what. Do think for yourself, and also your child.
 

Cloud998

New Member
Did you try to talk to him? Was he this way before that? If doesn't, it might be that some issue/stress at work or outside, which result in his behaviour.

Of course it isn't normal to be treated like that. You have to think if you are able to accept this kind of 'torture' for the next few years or even till old. Abusive can become a serious case, which also may result in ending of marriage or what. Do think for yourself, and also your child.
Thanks for reverting. I think there is a triggering point while it does not fully explain his behaviour, as the small explosions appeared shortly after we got married. The triggering point involved a family member of mine who does not appear to be pleased with my hub’s behaviours sometimes. It was personal and he took it personally. Both were at fault and all of us did not handled it well. I did not speak up for my hubs enough but he did not help calm the situation. Eg he started to curse at me every other morning. Hubs explained that it’s cause he feels very angry and is looking for a fight, I look like that member of my family and he does not like it. He humiliated me to feel better. When I defended myself for the well being of the marriage we can sometimes get into huge quarrel. He has held me by the neck before and pushed me in front of our child. While I have a part to play, I don’t think I deserve any of those treatment. Every marriage has issue but there should also be basic respect. We have stopped meeting that relative altogether with me servering ties. A year has passed and he still humiliates me multiple times a week and sometimes bringing that issue up to look for a fight.

I have asked what can be done but he told me nothing. He will want my relative to crawl under him and apologies and he probably still won’t forgive etc. On a positive note, he does the laundry at home and ferry my kid and I daily. He will also call for delivery so we don’t have to cook. It’s emotionally draining. I scared my kid will pick up the anger mismanagement from him. And, he wants another kid omg... when I say not so soon, he will complain I’m out to make him angry. Sigh.
 

Cindy Tay

Member
Thanks for reverting. I think there is a triggering point while it does not fully explain his behaviour, as the small explosions appeared shortly after we got married. The triggering point involved a family member of mine who does not appear to be pleased with my hub’s behaviours sometimes. It was personal and he took it personally. Both were at fault and all of us did not handled it well. I did not speak up for my hubs enough but he did not help calm the situation. Eg he started to curse at me every other morning. Hubs explained that it’s cause he feels very angry and is looking for a fight, I look like that member of my family and he does not like it. He humiliated me to feel better. When I defended myself for the well being of the marriage we can sometimes get into huge quarrel. He has held me by the neck before and pushed me in front of our child. While I have a part to play, I don’t think I deserve any of those treatment. Every marriage has issue but there should also be basic respect. We have stopped meeting that relative altogether with me servering ties. A year has passed and he still humiliates me multiple times a week and sometimes bringing that issue up to look for a fight.

I have asked what can be done but he told me nothing. He will want my relative to crawl under him and apologies and he probably still won’t forgive etc. On a positive note, he does the laundry at home and ferry my kid and I daily. He will also call for delivery so we don’t have to cook. It’s emotionally draining. I scared my kid will pick up the anger mismanagement from him. And, he wants another kid omg... when I say not so soon, he will complain I’m out to make him angry. Sigh.
Sorry for your cases. Emotional abusive can be worst than physically...

I suggested to have a good talk with him. Try to tell him to calm down and the case is already past. Tell him that you want to salvage this marriage, and willing to have more kids with him, provided he will change... Or even go for counselling together, or to see a psychologist if needed.

If it doesn't goes well, you need to think what's the next step already. Ending a marriage is the last choice...
 

Cloud998

New Member
Sorry for your cases. Emotional abusive can be worst than physically...

I suggested to have a good talk with him. Try to tell him to calm down and the case is already past. Tell him that you want to salvage this marriage, and willing to have more kids with him, provided he will change... Or even go for counselling together, or to see a psychologist if needed.

If it doesn't goes well, you need to think what's the next step already. Ending a marriage is the last choice...
Sometimes I see his effort but it still happens. What if I have another kid with him but it’s not improving... I feel that I’m responsible for the impact on the kids. He said counselling is a waste of money. It’s very sad that he does not see the gravity of our issue even though he said that he’s sick of quarrelling. I feel he wants to keep this family togather as it is the most financially stable option, reputation, and for the kid.

I don’t know what’s the next step that can shield me from all this negativity...
 

Mongkok

Active Member
Thanks for reverting. I think there is a triggering point while it does not fully explain his behaviour, as the small explosions appeared shortly after we got married. The triggering point involved a family member of mine who does not appear to be pleased with my hub’s behaviours sometimes. It was personal and he took it personally. Both were at fault and all of us did not handled it well. I did not speak up for my hubs enough but he did not help calm the situation. Eg he started to curse at me every other morning. Hubs explained that it’s cause he feels very angry and is looking for a fight, I look like that member of my family and he does not like it. He humiliated me to feel better. When I defended myself for the well being of the marriage we can sometimes get into huge quarrel. He has held me by the neck before and pushed me in front of our child. While I have a part to play, I don’t think I deserve any of those treatment. Every marriage has issue but there should also be basic respect. We have stopped meeting that relative altogether with me servering ties. A year has passed and he still humiliates me multiple times a week and sometimes bringing that issue up to look for a fight.

I have asked what can be done but he told me nothing. He will want my relative to crawl under him and apologies and he probably still won’t forgive etc. On a positive note, he does the laundry at home and ferry my kid and I daily. He will also call for delivery so we don’t have to cook. It’s emotionally draining. I scared my kid will pick up the anger mismanagement from him. And, he wants another kid omg... when I say not so soon, he will complain I’m out to make him angry. Sigh.

U actually hv the answer and knws the way out. What's holding u bk?

He is vulgar, belittling and worst threaten. Except he didnt slp w another woman.

You are a floor mat. That's why it's natural he steps and rubs in you.

W regard to throwing the kid down... he is an immature person. You should call the police evry time he threatens that..

if he really wans to act out, u think u r in time to save your kid? U think by rushing hm early is saving your kid? Or by leaving him then its truly saving your kid?

U hv ample time to stay a safe distance from him and protect your kid, u didn't.

Another pov, u are what he says u as long as u are w him. Understands? The squares says 'b*t*h'. U stand on it leh.

Move on lah.. now what era already.. moreover u hv earning power.

Ya.. he will chg after your second kid only when he isn't the father.

If u can't b a great wife then b a great mum.
 

Cindy Tay

Member
Sometimes I see his effort but it still happens. What if I have another kid with him but it’s not improving... I feel that I’m responsible for the impact on the kids. He said counselling is a waste of money. It’s very sad that he does not see the gravity of our issue even though he said that he’s sick of quarrelling. I feel he wants to keep this family togather as it is the most financially stable option, reputation, and for the kid.

I don’t know what’s the next step that can shield me from all this negativity...
Well, you already have the answer. Don't you?

Saying this "What if I have another kid with him but it’s not improving" also means that you have already lost faith/trust in him. A marriage without both won't last long.

Sadly to say, I agree with Mongkok also. You need to move on...
 

Cindy Tay

Member
Got it both cindy and Mongkok. Thanks for the clarity! I always hold back as I’m scared of losing my kid...
Just remember, no matter what, you will never lost your kid :)
A broken marriage is only lost of husband and wife, and not lost of father and mother for the child
 

Cloud998

New Member
Just remember, no matter what, you will never lost your kid :)
A broken marriage is only lost of husband and wife, and not lost of father and mother for the child
Thanks :) I need to work on what you said because of the possible impact on my kid. I have had friends who just lose a parent due to ugly divorce and grow up broken...
 

twinsmommy

New Member
Hi, glad to see that things are getting better as you work hard towards keeping your family togather... I’ve been reading around and noticed a lot of sadness, anger and thoughts of D stems from straying hubs. While I don’t have a straying hub, I’m tormented with his anger and verbal abuses. Anyone considers D due to these reasons or am I too weak minded?

Background. I have a toddler and is a normal working class mom earning a keep not so different from the hubs. Except that his family is more well off which is the source of many belittling. His curses test my morale values (eg cursing a young family member get raped and wants me to agree and laugh togather with him). If he loses at gambling (small bets less than 100) he will often blame me for being bad luck ever since we got married. Calling me dog... bitch... Lost temper when I used the wrong mode on the washing machine which ran half an hr longer. Told me he will throw my baby down the flat if I don’t come home from work soon. Will punch the pillow in the middle of the night when we have a quarrel in the day. I got so scared I hug my child every night.

I went for counselling and the counsellor told me it wasn’t normal to be treated with those words. It’s like walking on eggshells everyday. When I told him I was so emotionally stressed that I went counselling, he laughed at me and questioned how much I spent on the session cause it’s a waste of money. I don’t feel that he loves me at all :(
I agree with Mongkok. I don't know how you cope in this situation. No one has the right to call you these words or treat you this way.
He is very abusive!
 

Cloud998

New Member
I agree with Mongkok. I don't know how you cope in this situation. No one has the right to call you these words or treat you this way.
He is very abusive!
Thanks for reading twinsmommy. I'm really grateful that I have gotten responses because it really pushes me to think what I really want. The biggest challenge for me is getting the custody of my toddler AND making sure that I can give him a better environment than now. I think that is why people turn to this forum to get support. I welcome any comments.
 

VoodoGirl

New Member
I realised that my hubby set up a Tinder account when he was on an overseas Tinder work trip. We had a fight when he left for his work trip (we had some argument over whatsapp) When he came back to Singapore, we thrashed things out and things were better than before.

On Sat night (2 days after he came back), my hubby thought that I fell asleep in my room while he was watching movies in the living room. However, I went to the living room to take something. He had his earphones on and as such, did not hear me. I stood behind him for 10 min and realise that he was texting a girl on wechat. I confronted him and the look of panic and horror was so obvious. I told him that I wanted to see his phone. He tried to cover up and showed me a whataspp group of his soccer mates. I told him I wanted to see the messages with the girl and not the messages he had with his buddies. I had the phone with me then, he quickly snatched the phone away from me and deleted the messages. He kept saying there was nothing.

I broke down that night and cried myself to sleep. The next day, he told me that he wanted a stranger to talk about his marriage problems. He didnt want to share them with colleagues who were on the worktrip. So when he was overseas and alone in the hotel, he set up a Tinder account and spoke to another married woman. I was devastated. I asked him that why did he message the woman on Sat night even when things were fine between us. I mentioned that while he was overseas, I was juggling a bad time at work and having to coach the kids for their term tests and I didnt even have time to sleep. He said he was bored. He kept telling me that he did not meet up with the woman at all.

There are so many wrongs he did.
1. Set up a Tinder account
2. Spoke to a married woman
3. Got her number and proceeded to chat with her via Wechat.
4. Message her again when he was bored.

I dont know what to believe anymore. I told him I wanted a divorce but he refused. We have been married more than 10 yrs and this is not the first time I caught him messaging other women. The first time was when we are newly weds. :(

My younger son heard us fighting over the weekend. He wrote on a slip of paper the words 'My life is ruined. My life is divided into half now'. It breaks my heart. For the sake of the kids, my hubby told me to give him a chance to change. He didnt want the kids to suffer. Even my mum told me not to divorce because of my kids. But I know that things will never be the same again.

I am sorry for ranting. I just need to get this off my chest. I am at work now and cannot concentrated - kept tearing.
If I were you, I would divorce anyway. Because betrayal isn't something you can forgive. If he stabbed you in the back once - he will do it one more time. On the other hand - your son. Well, it's really heartbreaking. But someday he will understand, I guess.
 
Hi,

Its me again. After a few months of peace, I found out that my hubby (soon to be ex) has okcupid installed in his phone. He was sitting beside me when I found out that the dating app was inside his phone. I was more composed than the tinder episode. I went to my bedroom to gather my thoughts and texted him (yes, I didnt even tell him face to face because seeing him makes me sick) that I want a divorce.

He saw my message after some time and went into my room and told me that that app was installed a long time ago, which infuriated me even more. He tried explaining but I just didnt respond. I just ignored him - no screaming or wailing.

I teared because of my stupidity, thinking that he will and has changed after he was caught. I teared because I realised the kids and I were never enough for him and that he would rather risk his family to seek thrills. I teared because I tried to keep everything to myself so that my kids will have an intact family. I teared because I really wanted the marriage to work but he wanted attention from other women besides his family.

Some men just never change and I dont want to punish myself for his mistakes. I took so long to recover from the Tinder episode, so not sure how long I will take to recover from this okcupid thingy.

So here I am looking for divorce lawyers now. Anyone has any recommendations? Googled a few but some seems too good to be true (e.g $599 for the divorce process)
 
Last edited:

BETTER TOMORROW

New Member
Hi,

Its me again. After a few months of peace, I found out that my hubby (soon to be ex) has okcupid installed in his phone. He was sitting beside me when I found out that the dating app was inside his phone. I was more composed than the tinder episode. I went to my bedroom to gather my thoughts and texted him (yes, I didnt even tell him face to face because seeing him makes me sick) that I want a divorce.

He saw my message after some time and went into my room and told me that that app was installed a long time ago, which infuriated me even more. He tried explaining but I just didnt respond. I just ignored him - no screaming or wailing.

I teared because of my stupidity, thinking that he will and has changed after he was caught. I teared because I realised the kids and I were never enough for him and that he would rather risk his family to seek thrills. I teared because I tried to keep everything to myself so that my kids will have an intact family. I teared because I really wanted the marriage to work but he wanted attention from other women besides his family.

Some men just never change and I dont want to punish myself for his mistakes. I took so long to recover from the Tinder episode, so not sure how long I will take to recover from this okcupid thingy.

So here I am looking for divorce lawyers now. Anyone has any recommendations? Googled a few but some seems too good to be true (e.g $599 for the divorce process)
I saw in another thread, there are many hidden cost and they charge you even if send by email.

Anyway looking at it, if you don’t have a valid reason to file for a divorce, he might contest it.
So before you file make sure you have enough evidnece
 

margret

Active Member
Also, do try nego with him on t&c n try goes for uncongested. Otherwise it may really drain your money.
try to monitor awhile and see. dont tell and anything yet and try to gather evidence before you go and talk to him.
I bet he wouldn't want a divorce. he wan the best of both worlds
 

DonLee

Member
Agreed with the rest. First try gather more proof first. He may contested later... So you will want to find out more solid proof. Just those apps in handphone alone isn't sufficient enough (I think).
Overall, still have to have a talk with him. If you have really made the final decision to proceed with divorced, perhaps try to talk him out, to let you go in peace. Try on negotiate with the T&C as well, and hope he will agree to it, and have it uncontested.

Yes. There are hidden costs for some law firms too. Which is why a contested can cost more than 20k while uncontested can solve less than 3k. Which is why very important to talk out first before filing for divorced (Unless you really can't take it any longer, can't even 'talk' with him, and have lots of cash to fight out...)

Last but not least, sadly to say, there are many out there whom have similar situation as you. Will need all kind of support everywhere. So if have any issue, or need any support, am sure most people in here are more willing to help you. Feel free to ask
 

yufuin

New Member
Take control and be his financial controller. Make yourself feel balance at least if he can’t give you love and trust, use his salary. In addition, In a way, he can’t have outside enjoyment without $$$.
Stay positive and take care of your well being so that you can fight better.
 

margret

Active Member
Take control and be his financial controller. Make yourself feel balance at least if he can’t give you love and trust, use his salary. In addition, In a way, he can’t have outside enjoyment without $$$.
Stay positive and take care of your well being so that you can fight better.
this is not a TV drama.
its doesn't usually happen this way
 

Mongkok

Active Member
Hi,

Its me again. After a few months of peace, I found out that my hubby (soon to be ex) has okcupid installed in his phone. He was sitting beside me when I found out that the dating app was inside his phone. I was more composed than the tinder episode. I went to my bedroom to gather my thoughts and texted him (yes, I didnt even tell him face to face because seeing him makes me sick) that I want a divorce.

He saw my message after some time and went into my room and told me that that app was installed a long time ago, which infuriated me even more. He tried explaining but I just didnt respond. I just ignored him - no screaming or wailing.

I teared because of my stupidity, thinking that he will and has changed after he was caught. I teared because I realised the kids and I were never enough for him and that he would rather risk his family to seek thrills. I teared because I tried to keep everything to myself so that my kids will have an intact family. I teared because I really wanted the marriage to work but he wanted attention from other women besides his family.

Some men just never change and I dont want to punish myself for his mistakes. I took so long to recover from the Tinder episode, so not sure how long I will take to recover from this okcupid thingy.

So here I am looking for divorce lawyers now. Anyone has any recommendations? Googled a few but some seems too good to be true (e.g $599 for the divorce process)

basically your hub has this fetish thgy that he only wakes up upon your every flare.

but seriously, he is always hunting. his fetish will end up EMA when he meets a willing one down the road. hence, draining to hv this kinda partner.

as for lawyer: good ones aren't cheap and cheap ones aren't good.

unless that lawyer is charitable, if not, he won't engage in complex work to keep his cost cheap. you may ask around for one with reasonable pricing and agree at a complete package deal w no addn/'surprise' charges.
 

sadgirl85

New Member
hi Chelsa 1980, it seems that he is not repenting based on his actions. it will be great if you can move on from this. the first step is always hard, but i promise you, time will heal. i had a very tough time one year ago when my ex wanted out. now, 1 year later, i am much better and i feel so much happier without this burden. Jia you babe. :)
 

Lostsoul&rain

New Member
I had posted in this thread before. And yet again, my husband( going to be ex- husband) cheated on me again. And this time round, i had text evidence of it. It was really hard to believe it cause i had forgive him for it Putting in effort in this marriage, but yet he still prefers outside fun.

I really dont understand guys now.i keep ask him but thou he still deny it that he do it until i text the 小三,that she confessed to me.

I am now going thru the pain of like losing a guy that i loved before, and i believe the thread has similar cases as me. Jiayou women!
 

Stansy

Member
I had posted in this thread before. And yet again, my husband( going to be ex- husband) cheated on me again. And this time round, i had text evidence of it. It was really hard to believe it cause i had forgive him for it Putting in effort in this marriage, but yet he still prefers outside fun.

I really dont understand guys now.i keep ask him but thou he still deny it that he do it until i text the 小三,that she confessed to me.

I am now going thru the pain of like losing a guy that i loved before, and i believe the thread has similar cases as me. Jiayou women!
Hi lostsoul&rain, am sorry to hear that. Dun give up on oneself. It’s not worth over such a scumbag... do feel feee to share with us at this platform, we are here to support you and give you our listening ears to you. Do stay strong and safe, Jia You!
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
A sad story

SINGAPORE: Believing that his wife was having an affair, a man stabbed her multiple times in the shower and strangled her, before leaving her naked body on the bed, where his daughter later found her.

Krishnan Raju, a 53-year-old man who was suffering from delusional disorder, pleaded guilty on Tuesday (Jul 28) to one charge of culpable homicide not amounting to murder.


Sentencing will take place after a Newton hearing to determine how intoxicated he was at the time and whether this affected his actions.

The court heard that Krishnan, a self-employed bus driver ferrying factory workers and tourists, married his wife Raithena Vaithena Samy when she was 17.

He was "very possessive of her" throughout their relationship and marriage of 28 years, with their children noticing that he would keep tabs on where she went and who she was with.

Sometime in December 2016, the couple's relationship began deteriorating. Krishnan felt that his wife's attitude towards him had changed, thinking that she often came back drunk and late.

He also felt that she avoided him and made excuses not to have sex.

In January 2017, while his 44-year-old wife, an operations executive, went to Malacca for a company event, Krishnan showed up suddenly at her hotel and accused her of having an affair.

He had made this allegation often and in front of other family members, embarrassing Ms Raithena, so she said she wanted a divorce.

The pair had an argument later that year in October, with Krishnan taking a knife and threatening to commit suicide.

After this, Ms Raithena moved out of the master bedroom and slept in her daughter's bedroom. However, Krishnan was suspicious of her intentions and planted an audio recording device in the bedroom to listen to his wife's conversations.

THE DAY OF THE KILLING

On the night of Oct 26, 2017, Krishnan returned home after work and drank gin while listening to audio recordings he retrieved from the device.

He heard his wife mention a man's name, Saravanan, and heard her laughing. He believed that she was laughing at him and suspected that she was having an affair with Saravanan.

Unbeknownst to any of the family members, Ms Raithena had been having an affair with a male colleague since November 2016.

She returned home after work that night and went to the toilet in the master bedroom to take a shower.

By this time, Krishnan had drunk a full bottle of gin and was intoxicated. He took a knife from the kitchen sink and a hammer, and entered the toilet, where he stabbed his wife with the knife.

He then dragged her from the toilet to the bedroom, leaving a trail of blood, as he wanted her to listen to the audio recording.

Ms Raithena struggled and begged her husband to stop, but he stabbed her repeatedly with the knife, inflicting five stab wounds in her chest.

She fell on the bed and screamed, but her husband continued to stab and strangle her until she stopped moving.

Krishnan knew that his daughter was having dinner at her aunt's house and that her cousin would drive her home that night.

HE DELAYED HIS DAUGHTER'S RETURN, FLED TO MALAYSIA

Not wanting his daughter to discover her mother's body so soon, Krishnan sent a string of messages to his relative asking him to delay taking her home.

After this, Krishnan used the hammer to knock against an electric socket in the master bedroom, causing a blackout in the unit.

Before leaving, he heard his wife gasping for breath, and did not close the front door in his haste. That night, he sent a text message to his family members saying "forgave me".

He fled to Johor Bahru, Malaysia, and stayed with his brother that night while asking his relative to delay taking his daughter home.

At around 11pm, the daughter insisted on returning home and her cousin drove her there.

When she got to the unit, she saw that the door was open and the house was in complete darkness. As the lights did not work, she turned on the torchlight on her phone and entered the home, spotting a blood stain on the door of the master bedroom.

She called her cousin, who went to meet her, and they entered the master bedroom together by the lights of their phones.

They discovered Ms Raithena's naked body in a seated position on the floor between the wall and the bed.

The daughter became hysterical, and her cousin called the police before complying with directions from emergency medical services and performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation on his aunt until the police and paramedics arrived.

Krishnan returned to Singapore the next day and surrendered himself at Woodlands Checkpoint.

21 STAB WOUNDS FOUND

An autopsy on his wife uncovered five stab wounds to her chest, which resulted in rib fractures, with punctures in her lungs. She sustained 21 stab wounds in total to her body and face.

Dr Cheow Enquan, a psychiatrist with the Institute of Mental Health, examined Krishnan and found that he suffered from delusional disorder of a jealous type.

While Krishnan's wife had been having an affair, Dr Cheow found that Krishnan did not have any concrete evidence to conclude that his wife was unfaithful.

Even though he had no concrete evidence, the intensity and degree of Krishnan's belief that his wife was having an affair was evident from his actions.

He had stalked her since 2016, constantly checked her phone, accused her of having an affair in front of his relatives and a friend, checked her underwear and hid the audio device in his daughter's room.

Dr Cheow found evidence of distress and impairment of functioning, as Krishnan was so preoccupied with his wife's unfaithfulness that he could not cope with his driving jobs and started drinking heavily in the weeks leading up to the offence.

Dr Cheow also found that Krishnan was in a state of acute alcohol intoxication at the time of the offence, an opinion that differs from the defence psychiatrist's.

He found that Krishnan may have been suffering from an adjustment disorder with depressed mood, although this did not amount to a major depressive disorder.

THE MAN'S MENTAL STATE

Dr Cheow found that Krishnan's delusional disorder substantially impaired his mental responsibility for his acts in causing the death of his wife.

It "greatly affected his ability to make rational decisions as his judgement was impaired by his delusional belief that his wife was unfaithful to him" and affected his ability to exercise self-control, as such a belief "infuriated him beyond the usual limits of self-control", the court heard.

However, Dr Cheow found that the disorder did not affect Krishnan's ability to understand the nature of his actions.

Deputy Public Prosecutors Han Ming Kuang and Li Yihong asked for 12 years' jail, noting that Krishnan does not have previous convictions and that he was suffering from a mental disorder.

However, Ms Li said that "such a mental disorder cannot be invoked as a blanket excuse", adding that Krishnan had acted "with full knowledge of what he was doing and of the gravity of his actions".

"He chose how he wished to respond to his belief," said Ms Li. "A spouse's infidelity can never be the justification for violence."

She pointed out that Krishnan's actions after the killing demonstrated his awareness of what he had done, including trying to delay his daughter from returning home.

Defence lawyer Kalidass Murugaiyan asked for not more than eight years' jail, pointing out that Krishnan's mental illness had a direct causal link to his offence.

He said the dominant sentencing principles should be rehabilitation and prevention, adding that Krishnan had agreed to go for treatment.

The court convened a Newton hearing to settle the issue of whether Krishnan had been in a state of acute intoxication at the time of the offence, and the extent that this contributed to it. A Newton hearing is conducted like a trial to settle disputes on issues that may affect the sentence.

For culpable homicide not amounting to murder, he can be jailed for life. He cannot be caned as he is above 50.
 

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