Can i ask my mother to move out?

[jeryl_bb]

my parents are divorce ever since i was in primary 3. After i got married i had 2 kids and when they are 3 and 5 years old, i ask my mother to quit her job and move in with me so that she can rent out her house and earn rental and help
Me to look after my kids. She thought getting rental $$ is higher then her job salary so she agreed. When she just move in, i told her she does not need to cook she only need to help me look after my children but she say its ok she will cook everyday. I gave her $200 and she say no need as she have enough but i still give her every month. I told her every weekends i will sweep and mop the floor but she say she is ok to do it. But after she had stayed with us for the 4th year, she started to ask me for more money. I refused to give her the extra as i still need to pay alot of things every month. She say the money that i gave her is not enough to buy grocery and she have to use her own money to buy. Actaully all she spend on is just food for the dinner. I do not know why $200 is not enough but even though its really not enough she could have just contribute abit right? I mean she is getting her rental $2000 every month and she is staying at my house she did not need to pay for the utilities etc. Basically she did not help me to pay anything for the house at all. She can afford to go holiday every year. And this time i think she really gets on my nerves. She message me that from today onwards ask me to go buy ingredients for the dinner and lunch and she say she need a rest. I told her since she is tired then she do not need to cook anymore. I will go and buy dinner everyday and she say ok. Then today she tell me she wan to go buy winter clothes for her holiday in december and ask me to ask my hubby to go pick my kids up from
School. Everytime she always tell my kids the bad things about my hubby which i tell her off many times. Alot of things i can tolerate i will just keep quiet but whenever she teach my kids the wrong thing i cannot tolerate. Im sorry that my post is so long but i really cannot stand it anymore. I need help desperately. I was thinking can i help my mum to pay off her remaining house loan then i ask her to rent out just one of her room and then ask her to move back to her house to stay. She is already 60 years old so i guess with the payout that government give every month plus her rental she will not need to go out and work. Another thing is i do not know whether i can help her pay her houseloan through cpf or not as i am not the co owner of her house.

 

[margret]

Are u the only child?

 

[jeryl_bb]

I have an elder sister and one younger brother. Younger brother also married and staying together with my dad and stepmum

 

[Cindy Tay]

Well, cause in the first place you asked her to quit her job. Probably her salary is higher than her rental + allowance you given her. At that point of time, even you gave her $200 per month, she used her savings to top up on the ingredients.
As the lifestyle now is higher, hence she's asking for more. Probably she felt like she's 'working' still and even working got increment, but didn't get 'increment' from you, hence she's asking for more.
If you are able to afford it, just give another $100 more or what.
You can ask her to move back to her own house. But I foresee more trouble will come also. Try talk to your siblings as well, and asked them to chip in also. Kids have the responsibility to take care of the elders

 

[Bunny33]

Age is catching up on her. She is tired le n probably more exhausted as compared to before. She need a break too. It’s not easy taking care of kids n cooking everyday. Maybe she feel under appreciated. 200 dlr is very little to cook for kids and whole household. You should give her abit more. The allowance from rental is her savings for her old age.

 

[janlim512]

Agreed with Bunny33.
$200 is really too low. She may have top up using her $ in the past for the last 4yrs. But not be able to continue on. So asking for more doesn't seem wrong.

 

[Mongkok]

First, U thought along the way she will auto chip in. Are you expecting something in return from the 'higher ' rental she benefited from your invitation? It's ok to hv this expectation. But not ok if u didnt discuss w her prior her moving in.

Second, $200 to cook for 5 persons x 1meal X 26days (Sunday no cook)= 130meals per month at $1.54/pax-meal... hmm...

Third, you mentioned u wan to pay off her housing loan and let her rent out. Is this out of guilt? why not increase the $200? If it's out of guilt, you got to b sure you r doing it unconditionally (not expecting any thing in future). If not, u r repeating the issue. Hence don't offer if u can't do it.

As for your mum, 2 options: leave or compromise.

Either do it tactfully or open book w her. Tell her honestly. Tell her u expect her to chip in. Give her a choice; either compromise or move out.

Upon her moving bk, it would b expected of u, as her child with an Asian upbringing, to giv her allowance.

Regard to cpf repayment to her house loan: no you can't. Coz u not co- owner.

Hence, whatever you do, give her due respect. Coz she is still your mum, factually.