am i selfish

[joeli]

hi i am a dad n my wife is a sahm.
my wife is like a boss at home, ordering me to do this n do that
as my kids want to go to legoland, she asked me to plan everything according to what she wants
day 1 go msia, stay at hotel
day 2 go legoland n stay at hotel
day 3 shopping n go back sg
i planned everything n spent sgd 400 on two nights hotel.
to me, there is no need to stay at hotel since we only going to legoland
on one of the days, we spent the whole day just shopping at a mall, bought a few pairs of shoes.
so i said, the sgd 200 can be better spent buying better shoes, rather than buying a few pairs of cheaper shoes
after we went home, she quarrel with me, saying i'm selfish to think this way. she said i only think of myself n my money n ask me to reflect on myself. she said i must keep it to myself n should not say it out as it causes stress to her
i have been thinking but i dont think i'm wrong n selfish.
please help n tell me what did i do wrong?

 

[Mir mir]

hi i am a dad n my wife is a sahm.
my wife is like a boss at home, ordering me to do this n do that
as my kids want to go to legoland, she asked me to plan everything according to what she wants
day 1 go msia, stay at hotel
day 2 go legoland n stay at hotel
day 3 shopping n go back sg
i planned everything n spent sgd 400 on two nights hotel.
to me, there is no need to stay at hotel since we only going to legoland
on one of the days, we spent the whole day just shopping at a mall, bought a few pairs of shoes.
so i said, the sgd 200 can be better spent buying better shoes, rather than buying a few pairs of cheaper shoes
after we went home, she quarrel with me, saying i'm selfish to think this way. she said i only think of myself n my money n ask me to reflect on myself. she said i must keep it to myself n should not say it out as it causes stress to her
i have been thinking but i dont think i'm wrong n selfish.
please help n tell me what did i do wrong?

Did you told her how ridiculous to keep your thoughts to yourself and not voice it out to her just because it causes stress to her?
Marriage is a two way communication partnership, she is not your boss, nor are you her boss.

Anyway, to her, 2 nights hotel is it because hotel has fun facilities for the kids? Schedule is more relaxing, kids can enjoy longer at legoland? Maybe it was contingency plan in case there is traffic jam at the causeway or 2nd link, hence starting a fresh day to go Legoland, and she wanted to go shopping in Malaysia (maybe to buy souvenirs?)...
I have no idea either... surely you can ask your wife why she had wanted to stay 2 nights at hotel?
I am not quite a SAHM... more like working from home, still working... plan holidays will discuss with husband, and if I wanted a particular hotel I will provide reason, if he felt unreasonable he will voice it out and suggest alternative. We will then discuss and compromise to one that both enjoy (taking into consideration of kid(s)' needs/wants.
Spent whole day just shopping at a mall... eh... maybe that was your wife's favourite pass time? Malaysian mall is so nice?

 

[Mongkok]

both also selfish. so on par for both of you.
your wife needs attention.

how many $200 you are ready to fork out? A better solution will be telling her to get a few pair of good shoes and you will pay for them. hence, please 'close your eyes' if you aren't ready.

in short, jus pay, don't question. Question only when she spends beyond the budget.

the stress she is talking about is the $200. it's not a big amount (for present living standard) and you talk like there are so many options she can choose from. very stressful.

 

[kdoris]

She may not question your decision but she questions your attitude when your decision is conveyed to her.

The fact that you are seeking validation online for your actions/opinions may spell that there are cracks starting to form in the communication channel betw u and your wife. There’s no end to an argument if your only purpose is to prove who’s right or wrong - the argument should be a reminder to both parties that both have different views on the same issue and it’s time to do some perspective taking exercise from the other person’s pov.

 

[MoeLanYong]

Guy here. There is no right or wrong answer. Just a matter of how a couple communicates. If she is stressed out over your question, ask her why. Discuss it. Avoid saying certain things in future.

She should also understand why you are vexed. Explain it. Discuss it. Learn from it.

Both should find a way to communicate, like adults without being emo. Both give in a little.

To me, quarrelling over money is the silliest thing to do. Insisting on to your way of doing things, is the next most silly thing to do.