ryan_mummy
Active Member
May: my MIL will be doing the caring.. as much as I dun want, i have no choice.. unless my co allow me to bring baby to work.. haha
(2012/06) Jun 2012
- Thread starter bluesapphire
- Start date
squirrel12: thanks for the info. Will faster go book liao... if not drag later and later.. hahahaha
May: At first intend to let my MIL look after de, but my hubby say his mum quite old liao, scare no strength and energy to carry baby. So most probably will employ a maid bah since my MIL will be at home to see the maid
May: At first intend to let my MIL look after de, but my hubby say his mum quite old liao, scare no strength and energy to carry baby. So most probably will employ a maid bah since my MIL will be at home to see the maid
ryan_mummy
Active Member
Felicia, can't get ur in laws to take care?
felicia_cao
New Member
petrina
my mil is working during morning, afternoon usually she got her own activities de.. and got to work 2 nights a week also.. my fil is the type simply do nothing at home de, he will say this cannot handle that cannot handle.. so last time when were we staying at our old HDB flat, they come visit my maid once or twice a week, in a way to spot check on her lor since #1 is with maid alone.. now they help me fetch #1 back from childcare and prepare dinner for him.. to me they are already helping a lot liao..
for #2 sure no way to ask them for help.. plus my mil said if she helps me hor, next time if my dasao has kids, ask her to help, she getting older liao dunno how to reject then..
my mil is working during morning, afternoon usually she got her own activities de.. and got to work 2 nights a week also.. my fil is the type simply do nothing at home de, he will say this cannot handle that cannot handle.. so last time when were we staying at our old HDB flat, they come visit my maid once or twice a week, in a way to spot check on her lor since #1 is with maid alone.. now they help me fetch #1 back from childcare and prepare dinner for him.. to me they are already helping a lot liao..
for #2 sure no way to ask them for help.. plus my mil said if she helps me hor, next time if my dasao has kids, ask her to help, she getting older liao dunno how to reject then..
squirrel12
Member
Anna, when are you due and where are you going to deliver? As much as I feel hungry and want to eat, but always feel bloated. Really hate the feeling!
Felicia, hope I will get over the bloated-ness soon!
May, I will be taking care of my newborn myself as I am not working.
Felicia, hope I will get over the bloated-ness soon!
May, I will be taking care of my newborn myself as I am not working.
Hi mummies!
I have been sliently reading here after one post a few weeks back...
I can't chat here much at I tend to read the post from email on my phone, so dun get to reply much.
BUT today I managed to log in using my office's com! So here I am!
Thank you for all the advises, it totally help me... we can't be calling up our gynae all the time right?
Anyway, I came across this yahoo news just now and would like to share coz I notice alot of mummies are talking about travelling...
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/travel-tips-for-pregnant-women.html
I have been sliently reading here after one post a few weeks back...
I can't chat here much at I tend to read the post from email on my phone, so dun get to reply much.
Thank you for all the advises, it totally help me... we can't be calling up our gynae all the time right?
Anyway, I came across this yahoo news just now and would like to share coz I notice alot of mummies are talking about travelling...
http://sg.news.yahoo.com/travel-tips-for-pregnant-women.html
ryan_mummy
Active Member
felicia: haiz.. then bobian le.. dasao is new? if TTC then might have kids. cause some married many yrs. no kids means no kids de. chances very slim.
but MIL say also true. hard to reject cause both her sons.
i m also sharing flat with In laws. so i noe how hard it is. i wish i can get a maid. but MIL refuse to have a stranger in the house. she mentioned that if she can't handle, then she'll return both kids to me. so i have to prepare myself to resign if need to.
but MIL say also true. hard to reject cause both her sons.
i m also sharing flat with In laws. so i noe how hard it is. i wish i can get a maid. but MIL refuse to have a stranger in the house. she mentioned that if she can't handle, then she'll return both kids to me. so i have to prepare myself to resign if need to.
felicia_cao
New Member
petrina
i can understand your feeling.. well my dasao married in 2008 so tried for quite some time liao but no luck yet..
for me hor i rather settle things on my own, don't trouble both sides of the parents.. but if they are willing to help, i am more than happy to let them handle.. like my in laws now help us fetch #1 back and cook his dinner hor, i never ask what he had for dinner, to me if MIL is handling, then i leave it all up to her, just trust her that she knows what's good for her grandson.. same goes for maid, i dun bother much as long as my boy is safe..
personally i also thought about being a SAHM, but my father is strongly against that.. he told me that i should continue working and let my kids understand that mummy is working hard for their good future, and mummy will not have all the time just for them.. i agree with him lor, i must have my own career and my own life.. so if really your mil were to return the kids to you hor, why not consider childcare, i think the best choice i made was when my mil insists to send the maid away, i put my boy at childcare.. he is not good at socializing because he only see my maid at home everyday.. but now he is improving a lot and become more and more independent..
that's why for #2, i rather just send to nanny..i wanted infant care but they do fall sick easily, and since we don't have a maid, once they fall sick, or school close, we have to take leave which is going to affect our career, so we decided to look for nanny instead.
but my mil is very understanding and told me to get another maid if i really can't cope since she see me tired now everyday.. i said no need, wait till i deliver #2, if can't get nanny i will then hire a maid, since our condo will be ready by Q2 2013, she just need to tahan the stranger in the house for 1 year, hehee..
will you be getting your own flat any time soon?
i can understand your feeling.. well my dasao married in 2008 so tried for quite some time liao but no luck yet..
for me hor i rather settle things on my own, don't trouble both sides of the parents.. but if they are willing to help, i am more than happy to let them handle.. like my in laws now help us fetch #1 back and cook his dinner hor, i never ask what he had for dinner, to me if MIL is handling, then i leave it all up to her, just trust her that she knows what's good for her grandson.. same goes for maid, i dun bother much as long as my boy is safe..
personally i also thought about being a SAHM, but my father is strongly against that.. he told me that i should continue working and let my kids understand that mummy is working hard for their good future, and mummy will not have all the time just for them.. i agree with him lor, i must have my own career and my own life.. so if really your mil were to return the kids to you hor, why not consider childcare, i think the best choice i made was when my mil insists to send the maid away, i put my boy at childcare.. he is not good at socializing because he only see my maid at home everyday.. but now he is improving a lot and become more and more independent..
that's why for #2, i rather just send to nanny..i wanted infant care but they do fall sick easily, and since we don't have a maid, once they fall sick, or school close, we have to take leave which is going to affect our career, so we decided to look for nanny instead.
but my mil is very understanding and told me to get another maid if i really can't cope since she see me tired now everyday.. i said no need, wait till i deliver #2, if can't get nanny i will then hire a maid, since our condo will be ready by Q2 2013, she just need to tahan the stranger in the house for 1 year, hehee..
will you be getting your own flat any time soon?
ryan_mummy
Active Member
felicia: at least ur MIL ask u get maid... mine say all woman also like that.. y u special meh..
come home from work i still need to handle #1 and do chores. when i sit n rest, she say i nvr help ard the house. she say she tired. old liao. cannot handle #1 all day. so when i come home i muz take over.
my hb n MIL co-owners. can't get own flat. it's a fixed situation for life
only difference, i no FIL but got single BIL
lagi worse cause he take 1 room, MIL n #1 take 1 room. my hb n i take 1 room. so when #2 comes out, #2 will share room with me n hb. cause no place to zzz liao.
i lament to hb all the time. but mil refuse to sell flat. she ask us give her this flat n go buy our own. then everyone move over to new flat while this old flat rent out n take rental income.
i feel it's a very selfish decision cause she purposely wanna keep this flat for her younger son though when they first bought this flat, MIL say this is hb's flat.. how to give her the flat and find another $500k to buy another HDB?
come home from work i still need to handle #1 and do chores. when i sit n rest, she say i nvr help ard the house. she say she tired. old liao. cannot handle #1 all day. so when i come home i muz take over.
my hb n MIL co-owners. can't get own flat. it's a fixed situation for life
only difference, i no FIL but got single BIL
i lament to hb all the time. but mil refuse to sell flat. she ask us give her this flat n go buy our own. then everyone move over to new flat while this old flat rent out n take rental income.
i feel it's a very selfish decision cause she purposely wanna keep this flat for her younger son though when they first bought this flat, MIL say this is hb's flat.. how to give her the flat and find another $500k to buy another HDB?
My MIL passed away this yr, my own mum's health is poor, so I'll have no one but hubby to help look after delivery. He doesn't like to have a live-in maid so at most hire a part time one to come and do housework. Maybe when the baby is slightly older we'll put him/her in childcare.
Chris: your mil is a superwoman! Now my mil is asking us how we are going to look after second one, and whether we are going to get a maid. Guess might go this route. My hubby treated me like a queen then, but it is because he was part time hubby. We didn't live together then, so we didn't have to worry about household chores. So i guess he has to get used to it.
Nattan: thanks for your reassurance on the cyst. I don't have to worry about this unless my gynae thinks otherwise.
Jul: i haven't exactly told my son about #2 but tried to hint. He didn't seem to understand the concept when i said there's a baby in my tummy. I think he even tried to step on my tummy that time or step over as i was lying down in his room and he wanted to take something. My husband's aunt asked him whether he wants a didi or meimei, and he was stunned, just stared at her and said nothing.
Petrina: your mil just want to have easy money izzit? Give her the flat to collect rental, and everyone move to new place, which will still have same number of rooms, and won't solve current problem.
Felicia: we are born in the same year!
Nattan: thanks for your reassurance on the cyst. I don't have to worry about this unless my gynae thinks otherwise.
Jul: i haven't exactly told my son about #2 but tried to hint. He didn't seem to understand the concept when i said there's a baby in my tummy. I think he even tried to step on my tummy that time or step over as i was lying down in his room and he wanted to take something. My husband's aunt asked him whether he wants a didi or meimei, and he was stunned, just stared at her and said nothing.
Petrina: your mil just want to have easy money izzit? Give her the flat to collect rental, and everyone move to new place, which will still have same number of rooms, and won't solve current problem.
Felicia: we are born in the same year!
Nattan, when do you intend to put your bb to childcare?
I was stunned when my MIL asked whether we only want her to take care a few mths then send the kid to childcare liao. Cos then liddat she dun quit her job, she just take a few mths no pay leave.
No idea when is the appropriate time to send the kid to childcare to interact with other kids and learn something
I was stunned when my MIL asked whether we only want her to take care a few mths then send the kid to childcare liao. Cos then liddat she dun quit her job, she just take a few mths no pay leave.
No idea when is the appropriate time to send the kid to childcare to interact with other kids and learn something
angtay
Active Member
merydith,
i'm in the same situation as you. i failed the bloodtest. did you failed the blood test too?
my scheduled for amnio on 28th dec. stay positive else ur bb mood will be affected too.
if anyone looking for CL, i have one still available for june. can pm me for contact. i initially intend to get a CL. but then since my mom will be living nearby and i hv a maid. i drop the idea. the CL is still in sin until thursday. so if u wan meetup is possible, jus arrange with her.
i'm in the same situation as you. i failed the bloodtest. did you failed the blood test too?
my scheduled for amnio on 28th dec. stay positive else ur bb mood will be affected too.
if anyone looking for CL, i have one still available for june. can pm me for contact. i initially intend to get a CL. but then since my mom will be living nearby and i hv a maid. i drop the idea. the CL is still in sin until thursday. so if u wan meetup is possible, jus arrange with her.
ryan_mummy
Active Member
glass: exactly!! so i totally rejected that idea. i told her i dun mind we buy new house, return u this flat. but BIL muz stay put. cannot follow. she can choose to follow up to her. cause HB very 1 kind.. die die muz be filial to MIL.. so he wanna stay with her.
we already paying her abt $800 just taking care of my #1. but she keep harping on her friend getting $1k w/o taking care of kids.. then say CC very exp. nanny also exp.. she say we lucky already. got MIL to help us.. i was like DUH???
if i dun have this house issue, i'd have hire a maid 4yrs ago when #1 was born lor! *last time i am self employed. so i work from home. till #1 entered terrible twos then i cannot work in peace, i resigned and work full time after he turned 3.*
my dream house
1 master bedroom, 1 kids room + maid room, 1 entertainment/study room.. shiok lor!!
i already feel so short changed she still nag n nag..
we already paying her abt $800 just taking care of my #1. but she keep harping on her friend getting $1k w/o taking care of kids.. then say CC very exp. nanny also exp.. she say we lucky already. got MIL to help us.. i was like DUH???
if i dun have this house issue, i'd have hire a maid 4yrs ago when #1 was born lor! *last time i am self employed. so i work from home. till #1 entered terrible twos then i cannot work in peace, i resigned and work full time after he turned 3.*
my dream house
1 master bedroom, 1 kids room + maid room, 1 entertainment/study room.. shiok lor!!
i already feel so short changed she still nag n nag..
felicia_cao
New Member
petrina
sorry for the long post..
wah so poor thing you.. can't your mil own that flat on her own, or let your hubby transfer the name to the bil, then you both can break free from all these nonsense and have your own life!
if i were you i rather hor leave the flat to mil and bil, but make sure next time bil will look after her and don't come and give you both trouble.. or sell this flat and upgrade to a 5 room or exec one from resale market.. then let them move in is fine.. but dun let her move in with you and rent her flat out and she go and collect rental, where got such thing de, damn ridiculous lor!! and really, send your kids to childcare, at least no need to rely on your mil..
me hor actually no need to do much housework, only change bedsheet for our own room, last time i cook on weekends, now preggy liao mil say no need to cook, hubby or mil will mop the floor, and mil hand wash all clothes then put into washing machine and spin dry.. when i told her i feel bad that i am not helping out, she said she work half day only very free de, afternoon can sleep then at night can slowly do housework.. the only thing is she will not help us look after #1, but indeed she's kind enough to help out when i have to go for my gynae checkup on Sat, i said put #1 at childcare for half a day on Sat, she said very poor thing she rather help with it..
So overall i think i am really lucky lah.. at first we planned to rent a house while waiting for our condo de but she told us no point wasting $$, just that we have to squeeze in one room with #1 and #2 lor, and mil keep saying my boy poor thing no big house for him to stay, but i feel very grateful already that we don't have to spend 2k on rental every month..
i think one thing is she knows i have to work hard to take care of the family ba, we are in the situation that we can live on my income, but can't live just on hubby's income.. so when hubby quit his job and went jobless for 5 months this year hor, i still give my in laws 1k a month despite that we have only one income, since then hor mil is even nicer to me and trying to offer as much help as possible lor..
sorry for the long post..
wah so poor thing you.. can't your mil own that flat on her own, or let your hubby transfer the name to the bil, then you both can break free from all these nonsense and have your own life!
if i were you i rather hor leave the flat to mil and bil, but make sure next time bil will look after her and don't come and give you both trouble.. or sell this flat and upgrade to a 5 room or exec one from resale market.. then let them move in is fine.. but dun let her move in with you and rent her flat out and she go and collect rental, where got such thing de, damn ridiculous lor!! and really, send your kids to childcare, at least no need to rely on your mil..
me hor actually no need to do much housework, only change bedsheet for our own room, last time i cook on weekends, now preggy liao mil say no need to cook, hubby or mil will mop the floor, and mil hand wash all clothes then put into washing machine and spin dry.. when i told her i feel bad that i am not helping out, she said she work half day only very free de, afternoon can sleep then at night can slowly do housework.. the only thing is she will not help us look after #1, but indeed she's kind enough to help out when i have to go for my gynae checkup on Sat, i said put #1 at childcare for half a day on Sat, she said very poor thing she rather help with it..
So overall i think i am really lucky lah.. at first we planned to rent a house while waiting for our condo de but she told us no point wasting $$, just that we have to squeeze in one room with #1 and #2 lor, and mil keep saying my boy poor thing no big house for him to stay, but i feel very grateful already that we don't have to spend 2k on rental every month..
i think one thing is she knows i have to work hard to take care of the family ba, we are in the situation that we can live on my income, but can't live just on hubby's income.. so when hubby quit his job and went jobless for 5 months this year hor, i still give my in laws 1k a month despite that we have only one income, since then hor mil is even nicer to me and trying to offer as much help as possible lor..
felicia_cao
New Member
petrina
yah lor i feel the same as AsRias, we give mil 1k hor, but that includes allowance to her and fil both leh.. and including electricity bill.. also including dinner by right, just that since i am preggy i don't go home for dinner and hence she stopped cooking.. of course she doesn't need to look after #1 for us..
but the main diff here is your flat is co-owned by her and your hubby wor, for us it's really their own flat they fully paid off, if i go outside rent a house also not this cheap liao.. but 1k is all we could afford and they feel contented enough so we are okay with that.. last time when we were not staying with them, we gave 400 just allowance to them, then dropped to 300 after i had #1..
and we are lucky because i don't have to give a single cent to my parents as they are having a better life than us anyway.. if i have to give to my parents, i sure have to let hubby know that we can't afford to give this much, although indeed not a lot..
yah lor i feel the same as AsRias, we give mil 1k hor, but that includes allowance to her and fil both leh.. and including electricity bill.. also including dinner by right, just that since i am preggy i don't go home for dinner and hence she stopped cooking.. of course she doesn't need to look after #1 for us..
but the main diff here is your flat is co-owned by her and your hubby wor, for us it's really their own flat they fully paid off, if i go outside rent a house also not this cheap liao.. but 1k is all we could afford and they feel contented enough so we are okay with that.. last time when we were not staying with them, we gave 400 just allowance to them, then dropped to 300 after i had #1..
and we are lucky because i don't have to give a single cent to my parents as they are having a better life than us anyway.. if i have to give to my parents, i sure have to let hubby know that we can't afford to give this much, although indeed not a lot..
Hi Felicia,
Thanks for your encouragement. I also hope everything to be false alarm.
Hi Redtea,
Yes I failed my blood test too. What is your risk ratio? I am doing the amnio on the 5 Jan. Still abit undecided about the amnio since it is also another risk. Btw your nick I'd familiar.. Do u have a baby born in 2008 too??
Thanks for your encouragement. I also hope everything to be false alarm.
Hi Redtea,
Yes I failed my blood test too. What is your risk ratio? I am doing the amnio on the 5 Jan. Still abit undecided about the amnio since it is also another risk. Btw your nick I'd familiar.. Do u have a baby born in 2008 too??
ryan_mummy
Active Member
ladies, tats y i quite angry lah.. when she talk abt $$. everything in the house is paid by HB. including hdb pymt. she paid cash upfront then borrowed from hdb the rest paid by hb. i dunno how she derive from this sorta thinking but we talked abt buying jumbo or EC. she dun want. cause she wanna stay in the same area. same area flats r horrendously expensive. anyway no matter what i say, she won't sell this flat.
Felicia: yes, she wants hb to transfer out. but all move together. when i said no, she got angry n say i selfish, can't suffer abit. then gave long story abt last time ppl stay 1room flat also like tat.
for me, if i buy house, i want my children to have conductive study environment. not sit in kitchen to study like my hb did when he was younger. my family ain't rich, but my parents made sure my bro n i have our own rooms after we both enter Primary school. no need to fight for tables or lights.
technically the $800 includes dinner for all, hb, me, #1, MIL, BIL and lunch for MIL n #1. the rest is for her to keep if have excess.
she say not enough. cause food expenses going up. i wonder, if i resign, just cook for hb, me, #1. $300 already enough.. how can $800 not enough for 5 ppl?
anyway, i prep hb that after ML, mil might wanna return to work. so i will resign.
Felicia: yes, she wants hb to transfer out. but all move together. when i said no, she got angry n say i selfish, can't suffer abit. then gave long story abt last time ppl stay 1room flat also like tat.
for me, if i buy house, i want my children to have conductive study environment. not sit in kitchen to study like my hb did when he was younger. my family ain't rich, but my parents made sure my bro n i have our own rooms after we both enter Primary school. no need to fight for tables or lights.
technically the $800 includes dinner for all, hb, me, #1, MIL, BIL and lunch for MIL n #1. the rest is for her to keep if have excess.
she say not enough. cause food expenses going up. i wonder, if i resign, just cook for hb, me, #1. $300 already enough.. how can $800 not enough for 5 ppl?
anyway, i prep hb that after ML, mil might wanna return to work. so i will resign.
ryan_mummy
Active Member
oh ya, Felicia, my parents also nvr ask $ from me. sometimes my dad offer to chauffeur us around and pay for stuffs like #1's milk powder.. i'm glad my parents r nice. my dad dote on #1 alot. he also offer to pay his school fees. but i reject lah. cause i dun wanna paiseh my hb. not as if we can't afford. i guess as dads, they fear their daughters dun marry well.
but my mom is siding towards mil. she keep reminding me my mil nice.. help me take care of #1. otherwise she can just go to work n dun care abt him. though i told mom lots of time tat it's her who offer her help.. not i ask.. but ok lah.
i guess #1 is better off with MIL than in CC.
i'm just worried abt #2. i scared MIL go berserk with naughty #1 and crying #2.. hehe
but my mom is siding towards mil. she keep reminding me my mil nice.. help me take care of #1. otherwise she can just go to work n dun care abt him. though i told mom lots of time tat it's her who offer her help.. not i ask.. but ok lah.
i guess #1 is better off with MIL than in CC.
i'm just worried abt #2. i scared MIL go berserk with naughty #1 and crying #2.. hehe
angtay
Active Member
merydith,
hee.. yup. mar 2008. my#1. i oso failed my oscar for my #1, took the amnio oso. turn out fine. he's a healthy boy. so i'm quite reluntant to take oscar for this pregnancy too. but my gynae advise me to take since the statistic is more acturate and i'm 35 this yr.
so i think this oscar test is really not for me.
hee.. yup. mar 2008. my#1. i oso failed my oscar for my #1, took the amnio oso. turn out fine. he's a healthy boy. so i'm quite reluntant to take oscar for this pregnancy too. but my gynae advise me to take since the statistic is more acturate and i'm 35 this yr.
so i think this oscar test is really not for me.
felicia_cao
New Member
petrina
of course 800 is enough.. in fact food is cheaper when there are more people sharing..
just my personal opinion here, like my case i know if i quit for the kids hor, in laws also won't appreciate de, indeed they will feel that i am relying on hubby.. cuz my bil is working in UAE and my dasao followed him there, first 2 years not working, my mil will nag a bit lor, like dasao very good life and my bil is the sole bread winner blah blah blah, so i rather make sure i have my own earning and spending power.. even i buy branded stuff she also got nothing to say.. sometimes i work till a bit late hor, she did say things like wah why so late, i told her my $$ where got so easy to earn de.. so i feel the respect from her when i am still working, but know it's a diff story if i were to quit.. but then as long as you feel that's the best choice for your case, and your hubby is supportive and capable to let you quit, then it's definitely alright.. really wish things can get better for you!
and you really have great great great parents! true that your mother is siding your mil but she's also right, it's impt that you have good relationship with mil so they both don't have to worry about you..
well if your mil can cope with 2 just let her lor, maybe give her a bit more next time with #2 and i feel that most of them are okay as long as they are not doing things for free, haha..
of course 800 is enough.. in fact food is cheaper when there are more people sharing..
just my personal opinion here, like my case i know if i quit for the kids hor, in laws also won't appreciate de, indeed they will feel that i am relying on hubby.. cuz my bil is working in UAE and my dasao followed him there, first 2 years not working, my mil will nag a bit lor, like dasao very good life and my bil is the sole bread winner blah blah blah, so i rather make sure i have my own earning and spending power.. even i buy branded stuff she also got nothing to say.. sometimes i work till a bit late hor, she did say things like wah why so late, i told her my $$ where got so easy to earn de.. so i feel the respect from her when i am still working, but know it's a diff story if i were to quit.. but then as long as you feel that's the best choice for your case, and your hubby is supportive and capable to let you quit, then it's definitely alright.. really wish things can get better for you!
and you really have great great great parents! true that your mother is siding your mil but she's also right, it's impt that you have good relationship with mil so they both don't have to worry about you..
well if your mil can cope with 2 just let her lor, maybe give her a bit more next time with #2 and i feel that most of them are okay as long as they are not doing things for free, haha..
Petrina - I feel for you, perhaps you can look into employing a maid. It costs way lesser then $800 or 1k. I think everyone in the house has to compromise and help out wherever possible and NOT stress you! You should be the last one being stressed!
Perhaps you and your hubby should discuss on how you would wanna approach this matter and should sit everyone down and talk things out and come to a compromise decision. Dont harvest bad feelings for each other as it will not help the matter and there will always be a strain in the families relationship. A home should be filled with love and harmony.
Just my thoughts,i wish you well and dont want to see you feeling down and stressed. You should be having baby bliss.
Perhaps you and your hubby should discuss on how you would wanna approach this matter and should sit everyone down and talk things out and come to a compromise decision. Dont harvest bad feelings for each other as it will not help the matter and there will always be a strain in the families relationship. A home should be filled with love and harmony.
Just my thoughts,i wish you well and dont want to see you feeling down and stressed. You should be having baby bliss.
Nattan: i typed very long posts twice, but they disappeared when my browser hang. Anyway, my friend thought she coukd look after baby by herself and hubby, but she gave up halfway as hubby fell sick. Maybe you can visit threads of nov 11 and dec11 mummies just gave birth and see what they are going through. Just don't want you to have problems when baby comes.
Petrina: guess we will have our own mil woes to tell. Be careful that this issue doesn't drive a wedge between you and hubby.
I think adeline has a good point. See whether you can employ a maid, get her to share your mil's room, and she can look after your #2.
Of course i know hiring a maid is not easy. I wouldn't be thinking so hard about this otherwise.
Never let your hubby lose the ownership of the house. If not half of it would go to your bil when your mil is gone. How old is your bil? Does he look like he will get married?
I think adeline has a good point. See whether you can employ a maid, get her to share your mil's room, and she can look after your #2.
Of course i know hiring a maid is not easy. I wouldn't be thinking so hard about this otherwise.
Never let your hubby lose the ownership of the house. If not half of it would go to your bil when your mil is gone. How old is your bil? Does he look like he will get married?
felicia_cao
New Member
nattan
oh yah i think i have the same feeling as glass.. don't rely on your hubby, guys hor really don't have the instinct about babies..
my hubby took 1 week leave to help me out after delivery, but in the end, he spent most of the time playing game or sleeping, not really his fault, just that thing he could do is pretty limited, more like doing housework, but the toughest part is handling baby which even me as first time mummy also can't cope well..
i am those super women kind and can do everything on my own without complaint de.. but i really suffered through my confinement and feel depressed most of the time.. i never believed that i will break down and cry but i really did that for a few times.. when #1 is 2 months, i hired a maid, since then i start to have a way better life.. really it makes such a big diff although we have other problems with maid, hubby also never want a stranger in the house but now if i ask him again, no regret at all and surely we want another one when our new house is ready.
oh yah i think i have the same feeling as glass.. don't rely on your hubby, guys hor really don't have the instinct about babies..
my hubby took 1 week leave to help me out after delivery, but in the end, he spent most of the time playing game or sleeping, not really his fault, just that thing he could do is pretty limited, more like doing housework, but the toughest part is handling baby which even me as first time mummy also can't cope well..
i am those super women kind and can do everything on my own without complaint de.. but i really suffered through my confinement and feel depressed most of the time.. i never believed that i will break down and cry but i really did that for a few times.. when #1 is 2 months, i hired a maid, since then i start to have a way better life.. really it makes such a big diff although we have other problems with maid, hubby also never want a stranger in the house but now if i ask him again, no regret at all and surely we want another one when our new house is ready.
Glass, thanks.. I will try to find out what other mummies who took care of baby themselves experienced. It would be helpful
Ideally, I'd like to be a SAHM and help my hubby with his biz. If not, maybe find part-time work with flexi hour. I know not having ILs or parents to help is quite challenging, but then, I'm also against having ILs helping out (my MIL used to tell me she don't mind looking after la, but she was living in JB.. so how to do that unless I become a weekend mum?! Of coz now that she is no longer around, that is out of the question) cos I don't want my baby to become more attached to my ILs than me and my hubby. I don't mind being a bit more tired and suffer some inconvenience for the opportunity to bond more closely with my baby.
Felicia, did you attend those parenting classes with your hubby? I thought it would help first-time fathers cope better. Anyway, I'll let my hubby try and see how. He is actually more comfortable with babies than I am
I don't usually dare to carry babies (friends' or relatives'), but he does and he is good with them. If really cannot cope, then we'll get a part-time maid to help with the chores. Anyway, we live in a small flat, not that hard to maintain..
Felicia, did you attend those parenting classes with your hubby? I thought it would help first-time fathers cope better. Anyway, I'll let my hubby try and see how. He is actually more comfortable with babies than I am
I don't usually dare to carry babies (friends' or relatives'), but he does and he is good with them. If really cannot cope, then we'll get a part-time maid to help with the chores. Anyway, we live in a small flat, not that hard to maintain..Adeline, Petrina,
employing a maid is about $800 to $1k nowadays, nanny is about $700 and childcare is about $600 to $1k.
#2 came when #1 was 18 months, was staying with my inlaws then and i had depression. #1 kept falling sick, high fever at least once a month, inlaws kept giving him junk food without water, i couldn't discipline him as inlaws doted on him. #1 rejected me. The house was always dirty due to the construction nearby, tried to clean up the house and made me even more tired and depressed. New house came when #2 was 1yo but hb was too comfortable at his parents' place, didn't want to move, so i move to the new house with #2 only. #1 and hb stayed at inlaws' house. My depression got worse plus #2 was also sick at least once a month and vomitted almost every night and no help. So i hired a maid. Then, hb and #1 moved to new house so as to "protect" us at night. Maid also has problems and i didnt know how to deal, so after 4 months, i sent her back and have been maidless since. #1 was in CC #2 was at nanny's place. Since #1 spent less time at inlaws place, i could discipline him the way i wanted to and refuse junk food from inlaws.
Also, i didn't have to live under their roof, i am much happier now. In order to discipline the kids, parents should have a common stand and inlaws should not interfere. If they do, it's very hard to stay together. Just my 2 cents.
employing a maid is about $800 to $1k nowadays, nanny is about $700 and childcare is about $600 to $1k.
#2 came when #1 was 18 months, was staying with my inlaws then and i had depression. #1 kept falling sick, high fever at least once a month, inlaws kept giving him junk food without water, i couldn't discipline him as inlaws doted on him. #1 rejected me. The house was always dirty due to the construction nearby, tried to clean up the house and made me even more tired and depressed. New house came when #2 was 1yo but hb was too comfortable at his parents' place, didn't want to move, so i move to the new house with #2 only. #1 and hb stayed at inlaws' house. My depression got worse plus #2 was also sick at least once a month and vomitted almost every night and no help. So i hired a maid. Then, hb and #1 moved to new house so as to "protect" us at night. Maid also has problems and i didnt know how to deal, so after 4 months, i sent her back and have been maidless since. #1 was in CC #2 was at nanny's place. Since #1 spent less time at inlaws place, i could discipline him the way i wanted to and refuse junk food from inlaws.
Also, i didn't have to live under their roof, i am much happier now. In order to discipline the kids, parents should have a common stand and inlaws should not interfere. If they do, it's very hard to stay together. Just my 2 cents.
Nattan - If you really cant find any help and is not comfortable with maids, perhaps take a year off work until your child is at least a year old i guess then place him/her in a childcare if you have to work on a full time basis. I am not an experienced mum but if i had no other choice i would opt for that. Do calculate your expenditures and see if it is sensible for you to take a year off. You could always start your own online business from the comforts of your home.How long is your ML?
felicia_cao
New Member
nattan
yup i also don't like the idea of getting help from in laws.. and nope we didn't attend any class last time.. i am sure it will help though but last time we thought we could cope with no problem, cuz my sis was living with us when my niece was born 5 years ago and i helped her a bit here and there, thought i must be very good with babies.. haha..
but then i think depends on luck.. my boy was harder to handle, and he will merlion milk even from his nose so even my own mother dare not to feed him after a few tries.. my hubby is a super sweet guy and he will do anything i ask him to do but when comes to baby, really there are too many things for first time parents to experience and learn.. house work is really not much and we can afford to do it just once a week or even once every 2 weeks.. but to me the biggest challenge is i do not have enough rest.. so when the maid is here, at least when she's looking after #1 during day time, i can have a nap since i have to handle him myself at night.. got a period of 1-2 months my boy can wake up 8-10 times every night. and during the day he can sleep a total of 1-1.5 hours, wake up every 20 mins.. so it's really really tiring but if you are lucky to have a baby who eats well and sleep well, of course you and your hubby sure can manage on your own.. well in general girls are easier to look after at young age, boys are tougher.. somehow..
yup i also don't like the idea of getting help from in laws.. and nope we didn't attend any class last time.. i am sure it will help though but last time we thought we could cope with no problem, cuz my sis was living with us when my niece was born 5 years ago and i helped her a bit here and there, thought i must be very good with babies.. haha..
but then i think depends on luck.. my boy was harder to handle, and he will merlion milk even from his nose so even my own mother dare not to feed him after a few tries.. my hubby is a super sweet guy and he will do anything i ask him to do but when comes to baby, really there are too many things for first time parents to experience and learn.. house work is really not much and we can afford to do it just once a week or even once every 2 weeks.. but to me the biggest challenge is i do not have enough rest.. so when the maid is here, at least when she's looking after #1 during day time, i can have a nap since i have to handle him myself at night.. got a period of 1-2 months my boy can wake up 8-10 times every night. and during the day he can sleep a total of 1-1.5 hours, wake up every 20 mins.. so it's really really tiring but if you are lucky to have a baby who eats well and sleep well, of course you and your hubby sure can manage on your own.. well in general girls are easier to look after at young age, boys are tougher.. somehow..
Nattan: not that your hubby cannot look after, it's more of tge little things that you have to keep repeating, like changing diapers, washing breast pump parts and bottles and sterikising them, keep changing and washing clothes, burping, getting baby to sleep that can drive you crazy.
There were times when you just changed a soiled diaper, but baby didn't poo finish, so fifteen min later, must change again. A few times baby peed until the entire cot while changing, then need to change the sheets.
Plus you need time to recover. Your hubby will need to work as well even though he is at home. What about food?
There were times when you just changed a soiled diaper, but baby didn't poo finish, so fifteen min later, must change again. A few times baby peed until the entire cot while changing, then need to change the sheets.
Plus you need time to recover. Your hubby will need to work as well even though he is at home. What about food?
annatequila
New Member
Squirrel, my EDD is on the 28th June.
Just went for the Oscar test today. The NT result is not positive. Neck foil too thick as per what gynae said. Just gonna wait till my blood test result then....finger crossed....hope everything is okay.
Just went for the Oscar test today. The NT result is not positive. Neck foil too thick as per what gynae said. Just gonna wait till my blood test result then....finger crossed....hope everything is okay.
ryan_mummy
Active Member
thanks ladies.. i really hope hb gets pay rise soon.
so we will hire maid, slp in living room.. ask mil go back to work. or i resign. at least #2 won't start school too early since i can home school.
Adeline: hard not to be stressed. MIL n hb dun bother. mil say dun pek cek.. but when i see my boy doing stunts at home then she bo chap, of course i have to discipline him.. so when i discipline, surely my voice will go loud and i'll be agitated..
so we will hire maid, slp in living room.. ask mil go back to work. or i resign. at least #2 won't start school too early since i can home school.
Adeline: hard not to be stressed. MIL n hb dun bother. mil say dun pek cek.. but when i see my boy doing stunts at home then she bo chap, of course i have to discipline him.. so when i discipline, surely my voice will go loud and i'll be agitated..
Adeline: i used my time during my leave to run online biz, but it consumed so much of my time and not profitable. So unless you have good biz acumen and plan, it's hard to run.
Joeey: i don't have much problem with how my in laws look after #1 except they don't have strict bed time. My son can watch soccer until one plus in the morning then sleep. Other times he can play until 3am. Then because they are so tired, tgey let him sleep until 10 or 11 in the morning. His sleep pattern is screwed up. So when he comes to my place, i cannot take it, and fall asleep by 10 plus.
Go childcare they didn't want to let him. Said the chikdren at my first skool near our place looked so sad. But they don't want to look after my #2. I took one year off then, but my hubby say i must work coz of housing loan. But maid can be troublesome too. That's why i think so long.
Joeey: i don't have much problem with how my in laws look after #1 except they don't have strict bed time. My son can watch soccer until one plus in the morning then sleep. Other times he can play until 3am. Then because they are so tired, tgey let him sleep until 10 or 11 in the morning. His sleep pattern is screwed up. So when he comes to my place, i cannot take it, and fall asleep by 10 plus.
Go childcare they didn't want to let him. Said the chikdren at my first skool near our place looked so sad. But they don't want to look after my #2. I took one year off then, but my hubby say i must work coz of housing loan. But maid can be troublesome too. That's why i think so long.
Adeline, I would love to take a yr off... but i just started this job not long ... Either I decide to be a SAHM or I keep my job. I thought about starting an online biz.. maybe will try to do that during my maternity leave
(which is 16 weeks long as per MOM law).
Felicia, appreciate your sharing
I guess the ease of looking after a baby also depends on the baby huh.
Glass, those repetitive chores will take turns with hubby to do. Make sure got enough bottles and clothes so that don't have to keep washing, but collect a bigger load to wash all at once.. hehe.. Re peeing and cleaning, I think my hubby got a lot of "training"..haha... cos one of my cats is very fussy about sharing the toilet with the other one. She will poo and pee outside if the litter box is not cleaned immediately after the other cat goes My hubby cleans and changes it at least 3x a day. As for food, I will likely cater tingkat for lunch and dinner until I have energy to cook.
BTW, now HFMD is so prevalent... are you all worried about leaving your kids/babies at infant/child care? I am...although one of my colleagues was like "it's normal.. let them go through it and they will toughen up!"
Felicia, appreciate your sharing
Glass, those repetitive chores will take turns with hubby to do. Make sure got enough bottles and clothes so that don't have to keep washing, but collect a bigger load to wash all at once.. hehe.. Re peeing and cleaning, I think my hubby got a lot of "training"..haha... cos one of my cats is very fussy about sharing the toilet with the other one. She will poo and pee outside if the litter box is not cleaned immediately after the other cat goes
My hubby cleans and changes it at least 3x a day. As for food, I will likely cater tingkat for lunch and dinner until I have energy to cook. BTW, now HFMD is so prevalent... are you all worried about leaving your kids/babies at infant/child care? I am...although one of my colleagues was like "it's normal.. let them go through it and they will toughen up!"
felicia_cao
New Member
nattan
yup get catering food is good, you wont have time to prepare for meals.. well i think if you talk about whether can cope and manage with just 2 of you, i am sure the answer is yes, me and hubby also tide through the first 2 and half months, plus when baby get older they are easier to look after when they form a pattern.. just that you have to be prepared that it's very very tough.. me and hubby have been together for 10 years and we've never raised voice at each other, but during my confinement month i think i did feel that he's not helping much and was a bit upset with him, now i think back it's really because i was too exhausted.. and that's why i am very supportive of having a maid, not because we can't handle, it's because we just need a normal life, LOL..
btw me and hubby also have our online business before, really time consuming and not profitable so i insisted not to continue although back then i have time for it cuz i took full 4 months maternity leave and another 4 months working from home..
yup get catering food is good, you wont have time to prepare for meals.. well i think if you talk about whether can cope and manage with just 2 of you, i am sure the answer is yes, me and hubby also tide through the first 2 and half months, plus when baby get older they are easier to look after when they form a pattern.. just that you have to be prepared that it's very very tough.. me and hubby have been together for 10 years and we've never raised voice at each other, but during my confinement month i think i did feel that he's not helping much and was a bit upset with him, now i think back it's really because i was too exhausted.. and that's why i am very supportive of having a maid, not because we can't handle, it's because we just need a normal life, LOL..
btw me and hubby also have our online business before, really time consuming and not profitable so i insisted not to continue although back then i have time for it cuz i took full 4 months maternity leave and another 4 months working from home..
ryan_mummy
Active Member
nattan: i can't lor.. i've seen ppl putting their kids in IFC from 4mths. i won't do it.. either i'll work something out with company or i'll hire a nanny or maid or find a relative to do the job..
my ideal is at least till 24mths where they are vocal. you'll never know what happens in IFC or CC...
plus i dun think CC or IFC kids r more sociable or smarter anyway.. *this is the usual reason given when ppl talk abt perks of CC & IFC*
all the same. up to individual growth.
my ideal is at least till 24mths where they are vocal. you'll never know what happens in IFC or CC...
plus i dun think CC or IFC kids r more sociable or smarter anyway.. *this is the usual reason given when ppl talk abt perks of CC & IFC*
all the same. up to individual growth.
Petrina- Think happy thoughts! Pray and listen to hymns if it helps, he always listens!You need support especially at this time. We are all here!
Glass - Mind sharing what online business did you venture to? Curious.
Nattan - I would like to do my own business too but perhaps on a small scale but i agree with what glass said,it is not easy and the initial phase is always the hardest.
Glass - Mind sharing what online business did you venture to? Curious.
Nattan - I would like to do my own business too but perhaps on a small scale but i agree with what glass said,it is not easy and the initial phase is always the hardest.
ryan_mummy
Active Member
felicia: wow! nvr raised voice? hb n i dated 10yrs, married 4yrs. every other day also argue.. both strong headed. i dunno how to tone down.. plus i m quite bad tempered to begin with..
felicia_cao
New Member
HFMD
yup nattan my #1's CC got one outbreak 2 months ago, i have to work from home and look after him, stop him from going to school for a few days, that's all we could afford, that time was really hoping that i have a maid, haha..
so yes it's something i feel very worried about cuz it's a torture to the little if they kena it..
yup nattan my #1's CC got one outbreak 2 months ago, i have to work from home and look after him, stop him from going to school for a few days, that's all we could afford, that time was really hoping that i have a maid, haha..
so yes it's something i feel very worried about cuz it's a torture to the little if they kena it..
felicia_cao
New Member
petrina
nope, haha never.. i am lucky cuz hubby is super patient type, no temper at all.. me got a bit of temper but after being together with him for so long, get influenced by him and become almost no temper also.. haha at one point we were thinking maybe it's not really healthy this way and try to find something to quarrel but just can't find any.. guess we both are just very nua and happy go lucky kind..
the best thing about this, is that i feel my #1 also inherit it and although he throws tantrums like most other kids, and it's his terrible two period, he's still very soft and timid cuz we don't talk loud at home maybe..
nope, haha never.. i am lucky cuz hubby is super patient type, no temper at all.. me got a bit of temper but after being together with him for so long, get influenced by him and become almost no temper also.. haha at one point we were thinking maybe it's not really healthy this way and try to find something to quarrel but just can't find any.. guess we both are just very nua and happy go lucky kind..
the best thing about this, is that i feel my #1 also inherit it and although he throws tantrums like most other kids, and it's his terrible two period, he's still very soft and timid cuz we don't talk loud at home maybe..
Felicia, yes, I think establishing a pattern and routine for children is very important. Once that's done, I think it'll be easier. My hubby is the sort who can survive on little sleep and is a light sleeper whereas I cannot do without at least 7hrs and I sleep like a log. So I've already warned him, next time he'll have to wake up more often to feed the baby He's ok with that
What kind of online biz did you do? I'm looking for ideas... I think your company is very kind to allow you to work from home for 4 mths... hopefully I can arrange something with my dept too.
Petrina, if you hire a maid or nanny you'll probably need a relative to help supervise also. I'm also not comfortable leaving the baby alone to a maid/nanny. Actually I do believe that kids in childcare would learn to be more sociable, esp if the kid is an only child. But not sure about infant care la, cos the baby is so small, how to socialise with other babies.. hahaha..
Funny why last time I went to 2 childcare/pre-school and never caught any illness except the occasional flu/fever. Last time not such thing as HFMD
He's ok with that What kind of online biz did you do? I'm looking for ideas... I think your company is very kind to allow you to work from home for 4 mths... hopefully I can arrange something with my dept too.
Petrina, if you hire a maid or nanny you'll probably need a relative to help supervise also. I'm also not comfortable leaving the baby alone to a maid/nanny. Actually I do believe that kids in childcare would learn to be more sociable, esp if the kid is an only child. But not sure about infant care la, cos the baby is so small, how to socialise with other babies.. hahaha..
Funny why last time I went to 2 childcare/pre-school and never caught any illness except the occasional flu/fever. Last time not such thing as HFMD
felicia_cao
New Member
nattan
we were selling accessories from korea at first, very good quality but too expensive so business wasn't good, and we import from china also, super easy to sell cuz very cheap, but i hate the quality and don't feel like selling at the end cuz i feel like i am cheating pple like that..
yup i was able to work from home for 4 months cuz i was retrenched by that company, but my Dutch boss is so kind that he informed me 1 year in advance, so i was fully prepared.. now with the current company, don't think i can do that, my direct report boss in US will allow but her boss in HK sure won't be happy..
i left my boy with maid alone when he was 8 months, really have to trust her fully since no one else can help, hope nanny will be better since they are supposed to be more experienced.. as for infant care babies, they are indeed very sociable in general, i've seen those 9 months old who can wave byebye nicely, at that time my boy was 14 months and he even knows how to say byebye but just refused to say in front of strangers.. his current CC teacher told me it's normal as he's the only child at home.. he can talk a lot at 2 years and can express himself very well, but just can't socialize well at school.. after being there for 8 months he's better now but still need time to warm up, and when there are a lot of kids together, he doesn't really like it still..
we were selling accessories from korea at first, very good quality but too expensive so business wasn't good, and we import from china also, super easy to sell cuz very cheap, but i hate the quality and don't feel like selling at the end cuz i feel like i am cheating pple like that..
yup i was able to work from home for 4 months cuz i was retrenched by that company, but my Dutch boss is so kind that he informed me 1 year in advance, so i was fully prepared.. now with the current company, don't think i can do that, my direct report boss in US will allow but her boss in HK sure won't be happy..
i left my boy with maid alone when he was 8 months, really have to trust her fully since no one else can help, hope nanny will be better since they are supposed to be more experienced.. as for infant care babies, they are indeed very sociable in general, i've seen those 9 months old who can wave byebye nicely, at that time my boy was 14 months and he even knows how to say byebye but just refused to say in front of strangers.. his current CC teacher told me it's normal as he's the only child at home.. he can talk a lot at 2 years and can express himself very well, but just can't socialize well at school.. after being there for 8 months he's better now but still need time to warm up, and when there are a lot of kids together, he doesn't really like it still..