(2008/08) Aug 2008
- Thread starter alexia
- Start date
yumeumi
Active Member
aurora,
hugz!!! I know u r stress and sad with MIL issue.
maybe as some said to take aa breather and let urself calm down.
if u think u need help, maybe look for counsellor? I think they can help relay ur message to ur hb and gets going with both of u?
No matter what ur MIL does, ur bb will know that u r HIS MUM.
hugz!!! I know u r stress and sad with MIL issue.
maybe as some said to take aa breather and let urself calm down.
if u think u need help, maybe look for counsellor? I think they can help relay ur message to ur hb and gets going with both of u?
No matter what ur MIL does, ur bb will know that u r HIS MUM.
hfgaga
Member
hallloo all mommies
tks for all concern
emre is much2 better today..
ling ling
i prefer orbit lei..but ive yet to see the real thing maybe like what sam says orbit might be dull..hehehe
yup forum very addictive sia..hahhaha
coolsnow
my hair also lei..wanted to dye...been bz..postpone and postpone till today..aahahhaha
aurora
dont be stress k..marriage life is full of ups and downs..sometimes i also feels shitty..heheh
mil..i also cant really connect with my mil..hmm diff frequency....
tks for all concern
emre is much2 better today..
ling ling
i prefer orbit lei..but ive yet to see the real thing maybe like what sam says orbit might be dull..hehehe
yup forum very addictive sia..hahhaha
coolsnow
my hair also lei..wanted to dye...been bz..postpone and postpone till today..aahahhaha
aurora
dont be stress k..marriage life is full of ups and downs..sometimes i also feels shitty..heheh
mil..i also cant really connect with my mil..hmm diff frequency....
h.fgaga
Maybe we can find 1 day go together?? hahha..got kaki to chit chat when sitting down and do hair mah...I intend to take 0.5 day leave to go do hair..maybe oso pedi & mani...hehe..i much needed this break...
Nini, thanks for the recommendation..he's gd in creating new hairstyle??
Maybe we can find 1 day go together?? hahha..got kaki to chit chat when sitting down and do hair mah...I intend to take 0.5 day leave to go do hair..maybe oso pedi & mani...hehe..i much needed this break...
Nini, thanks for the recommendation..he's gd in creating new hairstyle??
quite a number of posts, so if i left anyone out, pls remind me.
ling2,
yap, i think its the weather and the aircon. no chioce, giving her barley water, hopefully will help a little.
fitbaby,
thanks! throat still scratchy but better, at least i got some voice back.
hashisan,
jia you on the new job!
hfgaga,
the carrier queen! ehehe, next time i know who to call on when i've got qns on carrier!
Cat,
how's you and hubby?
sylvia,
just the two elder ones. kept bb jerod at home... heheheeee
ling2,
yap, i think its the weather and the aircon. no chioce, giving her barley water, hopefully will help a little.
fitbaby,
thanks! throat still scratchy but better, at least i got some voice back.
hashisan,
jia you on the new job!
hfgaga,
the carrier queen! ehehe, next time i know who to call on when i've got qns on carrier!
Cat,
how's you and hubby?
sylvia,
just the two elder ones. kept bb jerod at home... heheheeee
hfgaga
Member
coolsnow
my hair my mum colour for me larr..cheap
skate..hahahha
im taking my 2nd last maternity leave..11may for 1 week but then i got stuff to do..haiz...
sam
carriers..ergo is definetly warm.
beco,babyhawk,and my hip carriers not that bad...
hehehe.. my son loves being carried..so ok lah..country like singapore surely warm..
treenymph
hahahahh..
haiz..monday again..nah..very boring..
my hair my mum colour for me larr..cheap
skate..hahahha
im taking my 2nd last maternity leave..11may for 1 week but then i got stuff to do..haiz...
sam
carriers..ergo is definetly warm.
beco,babyhawk,and my hip carriers not that bad...
hehehe.. my son loves being carried..so ok lah..country like singapore surely warm..
treenymph
hahahahh..
haiz..monday again..nah..very boring..
celyn,
I also uses the tollyjoy bottle cleaning detergent diluted with water or the pigeon hand and mouth wipe to wipe the toy, if it it small plastic toys, will wash with tollyjoy bottle detergent in running water.
re: table corner protector,
I also bought the one from ikea, quite good.
aurora,
is not easy to live under one roof with MIL. Sure alot of problem cos their thinking and way of taking care children are different. Just like today we are out for lunch with my MIL. She asked me to give peanut to my #1, I straight away told her cannot, she can only eat it when she turn 4 years old.I am just luckily that i am not staying with her, butshe also dont really dare to said me cos she know i super 'ti kee' esp the way I taking care of my kids. Usually I will bring my kid to one side to discipline so no one can interfer.
And yes, you got to start discpline ur kid since young. No mean no and make sure the rest of the family dont interfer when you discipline, everyone must be consistent so the kid will learn what they can do or cannot do. This is what i learnt from a paed behaviour educator.My #1 went for that due to behaviour problems and it is also because we alway give in to the kid when they are small esp when the parent are not in the same frequency when come to discipline the kid. ThAt's our problem cos my husband is alway the one who give in and side her whereas i am the super strict one. So she know whenever she throw tantrum surely there is someone there to help her. So i am alway the bad mommy. Now my #1 got big behaviour problem that my hubby surrender and agree to seek psychologist and behaviour educator help. And she did improve cos she know her daddy wont be alway siding her. So I am just trying to tell you, you really got to hve a talk with ur hubby and ask him talk to ur MIL too. Make sure the correct way of discipline the kid is used.
btw i think better not to beat or smack her when she biting her finger, Cause it may send wrong message to them instead. Just keep removing her hand away from mouth and told her in a firm tone why cannot do that.Have to keep trying before they understand moreover, that could most likely due to her gum is itchy so you smack her finger also no use. I use to beat my #1 when she naughty but now not at all. I used word and tone instead and be firm on them
anyway take a deep breath
I also uses the tollyjoy bottle cleaning detergent diluted with water or the pigeon hand and mouth wipe to wipe the toy, if it it small plastic toys, will wash with tollyjoy bottle detergent in running water.
re: table corner protector,
I also bought the one from ikea, quite good.
aurora,
is not easy to live under one roof with MIL. Sure alot of problem cos their thinking and way of taking care children are different. Just like today we are out for lunch with my MIL. She asked me to give peanut to my #1, I straight away told her cannot, she can only eat it when she turn 4 years old.I am just luckily that i am not staying with her, butshe also dont really dare to said me cos she know i super 'ti kee' esp the way I taking care of my kids. Usually I will bring my kid to one side to discipline so no one can interfer.
And yes, you got to start discpline ur kid since young. No mean no and make sure the rest of the family dont interfer when you discipline, everyone must be consistent so the kid will learn what they can do or cannot do. This is what i learnt from a paed behaviour educator.My #1 went for that due to behaviour problems and it is also because we alway give in to the kid when they are small esp when the parent are not in the same frequency when come to discipline the kid. ThAt's our problem cos my husband is alway the one who give in and side her whereas i am the super strict one. So she know whenever she throw tantrum surely there is someone there to help her. So i am alway the bad mommy. Now my #1 got big behaviour problem that my hubby surrender and agree to seek psychologist and behaviour educator help. And she did improve cos she know her daddy wont be alway siding her. So I am just trying to tell you, you really got to hve a talk with ur hubby and ask him talk to ur MIL too. Make sure the correct way of discipline the kid is used.
btw i think better not to beat or smack her when she biting her finger, Cause it may send wrong message to them instead. Just keep removing her hand away from mouth and told her in a firm tone why cannot do that.Have to keep trying before they understand moreover, that could most likely due to her gum is itchy so you smack her finger also no use. I use to beat my #1 when she naughty but now not at all. I used word and tone instead and be firm on them
anyway take a deep breath
hfgaga
Member
blessedmom_of_2 As
thank q for your advice on kids.
last time when i hit my nbr 1,Raiyn..my mum will always help him..so nowadays if shes around..i will lock the door and discipline the kid.
my hubby never interfere..its always the mil or my mum..spoiling the kids..they claimed that ive yet to become a grandma so i dont understand how they felt..
come on man..im the one who suffer during the labour part..so its just not true if they say i dont love my kids.I just dont want them to be spoilt...
im sure every mother wants the best for their kid.
RIGHT MOMMIES???
thank q for your advice on kids.
last time when i hit my nbr 1,Raiyn..my mum will always help him..so nowadays if shes around..i will lock the door and discipline the kid.
my hubby never interfere..its always the mil or my mum..spoiling the kids..they claimed that ive yet to become a grandma so i dont understand how they felt..
come on man..im the one who suffer during the labour part..so its just not true if they say i dont love my kids.I just dont want them to be spoilt...
im sure every mother wants the best for their kid.
RIGHT MOMMIES???
hfgaga
RITE !!!!!!! hehehhe.... my mum oso.. I have to feed medicine regularly to my gal to netralize her acidity.. Med just some buffer solution, not bitter but I guess bit salty n sour kinda thing lor... Have 2 feed her 2x/day.. Everytime she'll scream n kick me trying 2 break thru cos I'll hold her hand tight.. Then my mum will say I'm torturing the bb C'mon man.... I'm very heartpain seeing my bb screams like that especially I have 2 b the 1 who face this, see this n yet feed her with my own hands cos nobody wanna do this.. bit cruel they say n they cant hear the bb cry..
Then I mean I'm the mother.. We gone thru all the 9 months pregnancy then now trying to give all the best yet elder ppl will just comment
So usually I'll told my mum off lor.. Told her this is for bb's own good.. If we didnt give this to her n she got worse problem ? Wont it b more pain ?
Carrier :
yup, I agree with Sam, think orbit mite b bit dull unless the real thing is the other way ard, nice solid colour then mayb nice oso...
Rona
Ahhh.. ok barley water uh.. careful oso cos today start 2 rain.. Phew... weather .....
Krex
the gymboree for bb ? think some of mommies here attend the class..
Sam
So have u try on the Pikkolo ? how warm is it ?
April
u'r not the only 1.. Me oso still absolutely have no idea
n time is approaching.....
RITE !!!!!!! hehehhe.... my mum oso.. I have to feed medicine regularly to my gal to netralize her acidity.. Med just some buffer solution, not bitter but I guess bit salty n sour kinda thing lor... Have 2 feed her 2x/day.. Everytime she'll scream n kick me trying 2 break thru cos I'll hold her hand tight.. Then my mum will say I'm torturing the bb
C'mon man.... I'm very heartpain seeing my bb screams like that especially I have 2 b the 1 who face this, see this n yet feed her with my own hands cos nobody wanna do this.. bit cruel they say n they cant hear the bb cry.. Then I mean I'm the mother.. We gone thru all the 9 months pregnancy then now trying to give all the best yet elder ppl will just comment
So usually I'll told my mum off lor.. Told her this is for bb's own good.. If we didnt give this to her n she got worse problem ? Wont it b more pain ?
Carrier :
yup, I agree with Sam, think orbit mite b bit dull unless the real thing is the other way ard, nice solid colour then mayb nice oso...
Rona
Ahhh.. ok barley water uh.. careful oso cos today start 2 rain.. Phew... weather .....
Krex
the gymboree for bb ? think some of mommies here attend the class..
Sam
So have u try on the Pikkolo ? how warm is it ?
April
u'r not the only 1.. Me oso still absolutely have no idea
<font color="#CD3278">celyn</font>
Think ur hb is going to give u another surprise, just like vday.. He always pretend to be gong-gong, but can still deliver suprise..
My hb ah.. He will teh gong all the way.. Esp when he's not gong!!
<font color="#CD3278">hashisan</font>
In case i miss you tmrw.. Enjoy your 1st day at work!
<font color="#CD3278">aurora</font>
*hugs* Hope you can have a gd talk with ur hb abt this whole issue.. Esp before it becomes a very long drawn affair which builds up bad blood between anyone
Think you gotta send the msg to ur hb.. I doubt he wld like it if someone wld to interfere when he does discipline Reagan yah? And if daddy & mommy dun stand on the same side, then bb Reagan in future wld be able to find tt kao shan
Stay strong for bb Reagan.. Breathe first before you react when ur MIL zuo luan. Tell her in a very firm tone of ur displeasures.. And give tt meaningful look to ur hb!! So tt he knows he must stand on ur side
Think ur hb is going to give u another surprise, just like vday.. He always pretend to be gong-gong, but can still deliver suprise..
My hb ah.. He will teh gong all the way.. Esp when he's not gong!!
<font color="#CD3278">hashisan</font>
In case i miss you tmrw.. Enjoy your 1st day at work!
<font color="#CD3278">aurora</font>
*hugs* Hope you can have a gd talk with ur hb abt this whole issue.. Esp before it becomes a very long drawn affair which builds up bad blood between anyone
Think you gotta send the msg to ur hb.. I doubt he wld like it if someone wld to interfere when he does discipline Reagan yah? And if daddy & mommy dun stand on the same side, then bb Reagan in future wld be able to find tt kao shan
Stay strong for bb Reagan.. Breathe first before you react when ur MIL zuo luan. Tell her in a very firm tone of ur displeasures.. And give tt meaningful look to ur hb!! So tt he knows he must stand on ur side
hashisan
all the best on the new PT job! Can sense your excitment!
aurora
*hugz* u and baby need some qlty time away from your MIL on the weekends?
April
when got time just think think abit lah
r u gonna have a party? If got party, choose a theme first, easier to work on.
Fill in the blanks for your easy planning:
Budget = ?
Theme = ?
Cake = ?
Food = ?
Venue = ?
Deco = ? (balloons, banners, hats, etc)
If got little kids coming then buy some party favours. You can even get those pre-filled goodie bags from gift/party supplies shop.
msapple
thanks for sharing your exp... think it takes a lot of effort to be the strict mummy!! its hard work...
h.fgaga
you are most definitely rite
all the best on the new PT job! Can sense your excitment!
aurora
*hugz* u and baby need some qlty time away from your MIL on the weekends?
April
when got time just think think abit lah
r u gonna have a party? If got party, choose a theme first, easier to work on.
Fill in the blanks for your easy planning:
Budget = ?
Theme = ?
Cake = ?
Food = ?
Venue = ?
Deco = ? (balloons, banners, hats, etc)
If got little kids coming then buy some party favours. You can even get those pre-filled goodie bags from gift/party supplies shop.
msapple
thanks for sharing your exp... think it takes a lot of effort to be the strict mummy!! its hard work...
h.fgaga
you are most definitely rite
Mommies
Been very busy these few days, din have much time to catch up the post..
Rona
The gals having fever since they were got their Pneumococcal Jab on last friday.. had sleepless nites n they were rather cranky during the day too! Very stressed out when both are having fever.. Seemed that they are doing pretty okay with their weight gain.. about 500g in a month, I'm very happy with the weight gain, especially when they are so hyperactive... pheww.. at least the efforts in making the porridge did not go to a waste.. Cheril has an appointment with the Gastroenterologist tomolo but we decided to cancel n push it to another day. And den there'll be another review for both gals with the Neonatalogist on this wednesday.. see what she says lor..
Been very busy these few days, din have much time to catch up the post..
Rona
The gals having fever since they were got their Pneumococcal Jab on last friday.. had sleepless nites n they were rather cranky during the day too! Very stressed out when both are having fever.. Seemed that they are doing pretty okay with their weight gain.. about 500g in a month, I'm very happy with the weight gain, especially when they are so hyperactive... pheww.. at least the efforts in making the porridge did not go to a waste.. Cheril has an appointment with the Gastroenterologist tomolo but we decided to cancel n push it to another day. And den there'll be another review for both gals with the Neonatalogist on this wednesday.. see what she says lor..
gathering at serangoon north ave 4
date: 1 may (too rush or not? its fri leh)
time: 2pm onwards
food: light snacks (any suggestions, i will prepare so that mummy don't have to bring along)
interested:
1. celynlee + yu ze + hubby (not sure)
hisstory,
i hope so leh. today i got a mini surprise celebration from my colleagues. we are having steamboat at her place and they got me a cake.
msapple,
thanks for the info. i think i will most likely to use the liquid detergent to clean too but don't know when i will really work on it. hahahha.....
date: 1 may (too rush or not? its fri leh)
time: 2pm onwards
food: light snacks (any suggestions, i will prepare so that mummy don't have to bring along)
interested:
1. celynlee + yu ze + hubby (not sure)
hisstory,
i hope so leh. today i got a mini surprise celebration from my colleagues. we are having steamboat at her place and they got me a cake.
msapple,
thanks for the info. i think i will most likely to use the liquid detergent to clean too but don't know when i will really work on it. hahahha.....
April
you saw my post abt elmo in FB?
"Oh for Elmo/Sesame St - I am getting the singatune balloon from partypro.com if can get more then cheaper
see the link here: http://www.partypro.com/Itemdesc.asp?ic=026635126489
The tune that it plays is here http://www.singatune.com/details.php?id=40%20title="
Celyn
1 May I cannot sorry... got housewarming to attend *sobz
you saw my post abt elmo in FB?
"Oh for Elmo/Sesame St - I am getting the singatune balloon from partypro.com if can get more then cheaper
see the link here: http://www.partypro.com/Itemdesc.asp?ic=026635126489
The tune that it plays is here http://www.singatune.com/details.php?id=40%20title="
Celyn
1 May I cannot sorry...
got housewarming to attend *sobzmum_on_the_go
New Member
gathering at serangoon north ave 4
date: 1 may (too rush or not? its fri leh)
time: 2pm onwards
food: light snacks (any suggestions, i will prepare so that mummy don't have to bring along)
interested:
1. celynlee + yu ze + hubby (not sure)
2. Adel + Kat + HB
date: 1 may (too rush or not? its fri leh)
time: 2pm onwards
food: light snacks (any suggestions, i will prepare so that mummy don't have to bring along)
interested:
1. celynlee + yu ze + hubby (not sure)
2. Adel + Kat + HB
krex78
Active Member
msapple,
can i check who u go for child behavioural counselling? both my hb and son getting out of hand these days. my son has been cranky (prob due to teething) and hasn't been in his best behaviour, esp today. my hb is always scolding and yelling at him and i dun feel comfortable with this method of discipline. shld he even start disciplining at 8 mths to begin with???
i'm thinking of getting hb to see child counsellor since he's so BIG on disciplining the kid. if he's keen to do so, then he must do it the right way, not keep on yelling and smacking the kid. i think this will lead to more serious behavioural problems next time.
can i check who u go for child behavioural counselling? both my hb and son getting out of hand these days. my son has been cranky (prob due to teething) and hasn't been in his best behaviour, esp today. my hb is always scolding and yelling at him and i dun feel comfortable with this method of discipline. shld he even start disciplining at 8 mths to begin with???
i'm thinking of getting hb to see child counsellor since he's so BIG on disciplining the kid. if he's keen to do so, then he must do it the right way, not keep on yelling and smacking the kid. i think this will lead to more serious behavioural problems next time.
Aurora
*hugs hugs* so long never heard from u, thot u ok wif mil le..haiz..
Instead of living under 1 roof, issit possible to get ur own place but near ur ILs?
Another way is to ren till bb is 18mths and send him to full day child care, so dat ur mil won't get to brainwash ur bb.
actually i'm oso in the same situation as u..quarrelled wif hb a few times during preggie and even confinement becos of mil..i'm still quite bitter abt it cos to me, guys shldn't make women cry during the toughest periods of their lives!
Every now and then we oso haf cold war or argue becos of mil.
She hasn't been saying or doing anyting terribly wrong of late, but i jus can't stand the sight and sound of her! Every now and then, all the unhappy tings dat happened during confinement will keep flooding back in my head..like the overnight char shiew dat she used to cook my lunch, the rotten broccoli dat she wanted to cook for me (but which i stopped her in time), and the times when she told my hb off for siding me. damn her. sowing discord.
She said in front of hb dat she treats me like her own dotter..Pui! i know how badly she treats and bad-mouth her elder dotter, so datz why i dun respect her as a mother in law at all.
Everytime she goes near my bb, my pulse rate will increase and palms sweaty..as if any moment i'm ready to scream at her!
Everytime we go her place, she will play and talk to baby non-stop..damn irritating! even during dinner! i dun understand why she jus can't focus on her damn food!
Last weekend, she kept clapping her hands and wanted to carry baby from me. Usually i will pass to her relunctantly. This time, i remained motionless, watching bb's reaction. And u know wat? bb actually turned away and hugged me instead! hohoho..Joy to The World!!!!!
but haiya, i know tis thick-skinned woman will not give up, and will keep trying her luck every week, damn irritating..every week go her place like preparing to put up a fight...v stress and sian..i sooooo vvvvvv wish she will get outta my life!!!
There were times when i oso felt like getting outta tis marriage..if wifout baby, i will..i know hb will too..cos i did ask him 'if we dun haf baby, i tink we wld not be together now..' and he smiled.
Haiz..so we are both ren-ing....for the sake of bb....
Hope u will too!
Hey, mayb we shld haf a Mil Hate Club Support Group gathering! haha..one of the games shall be throwing darts! hahaaa..
*hugs hugs* so long never heard from u, thot u ok wif mil le..haiz..
Instead of living under 1 roof, issit possible to get ur own place but near ur ILs?
Another way is to ren till bb is 18mths and send him to full day child care, so dat ur mil won't get to brainwash ur bb.
actually i'm oso in the same situation as u..quarrelled wif hb a few times during preggie and even confinement becos of mil..i'm still quite bitter abt it cos to me, guys shldn't make women cry during the toughest periods of their lives!
Every now and then we oso haf cold war or argue becos of mil.
She hasn't been saying or doing anyting terribly wrong of late, but i jus can't stand the sight and sound of her! Every now and then, all the unhappy tings dat happened during confinement will keep flooding back in my head..like the overnight char shiew dat she used to cook my lunch, the rotten broccoli dat she wanted to cook for me (but which i stopped her in time), and the times when she told my hb off for siding me. damn her. sowing discord.
She said in front of hb dat she treats me like her own dotter..Pui! i know how badly she treats and bad-mouth her elder dotter, so datz why i dun respect her as a mother in law at all.
Everytime she goes near my bb, my pulse rate will increase and palms sweaty..as if any moment i'm ready to scream at her!
Everytime we go her place, she will play and talk to baby non-stop..damn irritating! even during dinner! i dun understand why she jus can't focus on her damn food!
Last weekend, she kept clapping her hands and wanted to carry baby from me. Usually i will pass to her relunctantly. This time, i remained motionless, watching bb's reaction. And u know wat? bb actually turned away and hugged me instead! hohoho..Joy to The World!!!!!
but haiya, i know tis thick-skinned woman will not give up, and will keep trying her luck every week, damn irritating..every week go her place like preparing to put up a fight...v stress and sian..i sooooo vvvvvv wish she will get outta my life!!!
There were times when i oso felt like getting outta tis marriage..if wifout baby, i will..i know hb will too..cos i did ask him 'if we dun haf baby, i tink we wld not be together now..' and he smiled.
Haiz..so we are both ren-ing....for the sake of bb....
Hey, mayb we shld haf a Mil Hate Club Support Group gathering! haha..one of the games shall be throwing darts! hahaaa..
blue_aurora
Member
Thank you all mummies for your kind words and support... really... im glad to have this forum to turn to when i need a "listening ear". Really thank you.
I feel much better le... and also had a good talk with hubby. I told him that as a mum, my heart hurts the most to see my child hurt, so i was very angry and offended when MIL say such things to baby... as tho' im ill-treating HER son... pls lor... im the mum not her. He agreed that his mum shdn't say those things in front of Reagan. He said his mum not good with words, but she shd tok to me and not through the baby mah. Haiz... actually my MIL is not that bad.. just dunno why when it comes to issues with baby, the 2 of us cannot see eye to eye.
The matter has blown over "for now".. but
i seriously dunno when will be the next episode. As some of u know, there's just this communication prob between us... cannot connect. Yet hubby wans this idealistic family in which we can be a happy family, DIL and MIL close like mother and daughter... but it's diferent lor... no matter how he thinks that his mum dotes on me... it's different... she will get offended if i raise any issue... like that call treat me like own daughter meh?
Then hubby will start to be demanding, wanting me to communicate more, complain less... so nowadays i have learnt to close 2 eyes and ears and zip my mouth... dun raise any issue liao... but hubby insist that i shd voice it out and not keep everything inside and shd try to tok to his mum more. So at times i tried to crack conversation like ask her how to remove the fats from the minced pork, etc... then MIL cannot answer me.. so i say i will ask my mum. After that i told her what my mum said then next day, she teach me how to do it (as tho' she knows all along and i know nuts). When i told hubby that, he say the way i tok to MIL is like teacher asking student a question that's why his mum scared to answer me... what the??? I really dunno how to live up to his expectations.. comment wrong, keep quiet wrong, crack conversation tone oso wrong... i'll go mad i think... think sometimes men think we shd just adapt to his family and way of living in a blink of an eye. My hubby can still say i shd be very adaptable and even said i have changed.. last time im not like that.. i told him "visiting and living together are different matters". But men dun get it...
Catherine,
Thanks. Yah, u r right that she's very possessive... sometimes i will try to come home earlier then bring baby out for a stroll... but sometimes i think MIL will get more possessive and began to question where im going, why leh.. etc... she knows i dun liek to answer this types of questions. Usually i just say bring him out to walk or go my mum's place. I was shocked when she began to question "why im bringing baby out". I just looked at her and say go out lor.
coolsnow,
Thanks for the advice. I shd just think more abt baby and not think too much on what she might do. Im planning to send baby to playgroup when he's 18 mths.. hubby not keen on the idea.. but i will try to convince him.. i dun wan baby to be with MIL whole day lor...
Celyn,
Thanks.
Yuuri,
Thanks for the encouragement.
Yah lor.. what to do? Grandparents really spoil their grandchildren. I wun interfere if they wanna dote on him.. but i wun accept them interfering in my disciplining of my child.
happy_mummy,
Thanks... u r right.. every time i quarrel with hubby i really felt very lousy... actually i tried to 'ren', close eyes, ears and mouth liao... but this time i exploded cos i was really too pissed with the way and the things she said to baby. Sigh.. but u r right... in the end it's machiam my fault lor cos she's the elder and i shdn't be rude to her. bleah...
krex,
thanks! Yah, cooled down liao...
I try to get hubby to go out with just baby and me.. but sometimes he'll wan to have dinner with his parents during weekends, reason being during weekdays they dun eat dinner at the same time and only on weekends they will go out and sit together to have meals. Sigh... :S
Yume,
Thanks for the encouragement!
I sure hope my son will not prefer his grandma over me.. i'll be devastated if that happens. Haiz... i think i have to accept the fact that i married a family.. not just a man.
hfgaga,
hahaa yah lor... different frequency... she dun understand what im saying... i dun understand what she's saying too. U r right! I really dun wan my kid to become spoiled brat..
msapple,
Thanks for the advice and sharing tips on parenting. As first time mum, im really still trial and error a suitable way to discipline my child. I agree with u that smacking his hands and face no use cos he still does it... actually at first i will just remove his hands and say no to him... it's eventually the parent-in-law and hubby who kept telling baby "cannot put hand in ur mouth, mummy beat, very good." And hubby was the one who started smacking and say it's a good method as baby seems to understand pain and will not do it. So i followed suit... in the end, i get blamed. I've also been reading up on books to understand more abt parenting. But sometimes really confused... is being firm in saying no enuff? When to use carrot and when to use rod? I believe most of us were brought up with the rod tactic by our parents. Im really scared that i can't discipline my child properly and he becomes a spoiled brat. The responsibility of parenthood is so huge... i told hubby.. i think 1 child is enuff...
hisstory,
Thanks for the advice. I really envy u for having such a supportive hubby. But i know mine has a difficult time trying to balance between wife and mum too... just that i dun understand why he can become quite irrationale when it comes to issues between MIL and me. I did tok to him again today and tell him why i was so upset.. he understood but told me not to hold it against his mum cos he knows his mum loves to tok yet dunno what she's toking at times. There was akward moments today, MIL and I ignored each other but during dinner i tried to pass food to her and just let it be... just hope she wun be like last time.. at first okay.. then suddenly next day show me black face.
Vern,
Thanks... yes, im trying to go out for evening walks with baby whenever i can... but MIL is starting to question me where and why.. which i hate!
hashisan,
Thanks for the encouragement! Heheee... i dun think i'll want another talk with MIL. I tried it before.... and it led to black faces.... no matter how nicely i tried to say it... MIL will never be as forgiving and understanding as our own mum. I've learnt this lesson the hard way... so i learned to close eyes, ears and mouth.
Sorry for the long post. Really thanks for all ur kind words and encouragement.
I feel much better le... and also had a good talk with hubby. I told him that as a mum, my heart hurts the most to see my child hurt, so i was very angry and offended when MIL say such things to baby... as tho' im ill-treating HER son... pls lor... im the mum not her. He agreed that his mum shdn't say those things in front of Reagan. He said his mum not good with words, but she shd tok to me and not through the baby mah. Haiz... actually my MIL is not that bad.. just dunno why when it comes to issues with baby, the 2 of us cannot see eye to eye.
The matter has blown over "for now".. but
i seriously dunno when will be the next episode. As some of u know, there's just this communication prob between us... cannot connect. Yet hubby wans this idealistic family in which we can be a happy family, DIL and MIL close like mother and daughter... but it's diferent lor... no matter how he thinks that his mum dotes on me... it's different... she will get offended if i raise any issue... like that call treat me like own daughter meh?
Then hubby will start to be demanding, wanting me to communicate more, complain less... so nowadays i have learnt to close 2 eyes and ears and zip my mouth... dun raise any issue liao... but hubby insist that i shd voice it out and not keep everything inside and shd try to tok to his mum more. So at times i tried to crack conversation like ask her how to remove the fats from the minced pork, etc... then MIL cannot answer me.. so i say i will ask my mum. After that i told her what my mum said then next day, she teach me how to do it (as tho' she knows all along and i know nuts). When i told hubby that, he say the way i tok to MIL is like teacher asking student a question that's why his mum scared to answer me... what the??? I really dunno how to live up to his expectations.. comment wrong, keep quiet wrong, crack conversation tone oso wrong... i'll go mad i think... think sometimes men think we shd just adapt to his family and way of living in a blink of an eye. My hubby can still say i shd be very adaptable and even said i have changed.. last time im not like that.. i told him "visiting and living together are different matters". But men dun get it...
Catherine,
Thanks. Yah, u r right that she's very possessive... sometimes i will try to come home earlier then bring baby out for a stroll... but sometimes i think MIL will get more possessive and began to question where im going, why leh.. etc... she knows i dun liek to answer this types of questions. Usually i just say bring him out to walk or go my mum's place. I was shocked when she began to question "why im bringing baby out". I just looked at her and say go out lor.
coolsnow,
Thanks for the advice. I shd just think more abt baby and not think too much on what she might do. Im planning to send baby to playgroup when he's 18 mths.. hubby not keen on the idea.. but i will try to convince him.. i dun wan baby to be with MIL whole day lor...
Celyn,
Thanks.
Yuuri,
Thanks for the encouragement.
happy_mummy,
Thanks... u r right.. every time i quarrel with hubby i really felt very lousy... actually i tried to 'ren', close eyes, ears and mouth liao... but this time i exploded cos i was really too pissed with the way and the things she said to baby. Sigh.. but u r right... in the end it's machiam my fault lor cos she's the elder and i shdn't be rude to her. bleah...
krex,
thanks! Yah, cooled down liao...
Yume,
Thanks for the encouragement!
hfgaga,
hahaa yah lor... different frequency... she dun understand what im saying... i dun understand what she's saying too. U r right! I really dun wan my kid to become spoiled brat..
msapple,
Thanks for the advice and sharing tips on parenting. As first time mum, im really still trial and error a suitable way to discipline my child. I agree with u that smacking his hands and face no use cos he still does it... actually at first i will just remove his hands and say no to him... it's eventually the parent-in-law and hubby who kept telling baby "cannot put hand in ur mouth, mummy beat, very good." And hubby was the one who started smacking and say it's a good method as baby seems to understand pain and will not do it. So i followed suit... in the end, i get blamed. I've also been reading up on books to understand more abt parenting. But sometimes really confused... is being firm in saying no enuff? When to use carrot and when to use rod? I believe most of us were brought up with the rod tactic by our parents. Im really scared that i can't discipline my child properly and he becomes a spoiled brat. The responsibility of parenthood is so huge... i told hubby.. i think 1 child is enuff...
hisstory,
Thanks for the advice. I really envy u for having such a supportive hubby. But i know mine has a difficult time trying to balance between wife and mum too... just that i dun understand why he can become quite irrationale when it comes to issues between MIL and me. I did tok to him again today and tell him why i was so upset.. he understood but told me not to hold it against his mum cos he knows his mum loves to tok yet dunno what she's toking at times. There was akward moments today, MIL and I ignored each other but during dinner i tried to pass food to her and just let it be... just hope she wun be like last time.. at first okay.. then suddenly next day show me black face.
Vern,
Thanks... yes, im trying to go out for evening walks with baby whenever i can... but MIL is starting to question me where and why.. which i hate!
hashisan,
Thanks for the encouragement! Heheee... i dun think i'll want another talk with MIL. I tried it before.... and it led to black faces.... no matter how nicely i tried to say it... MIL will never be as forgiving and understanding as our own mum. I've learnt this lesson the hard way... so i learned to close eyes, ears and mouth.
Sorry for the long post. Really thanks for all ur kind words and encouragement.
blue_aurora
Member
Reirei,
hehee.. long time din hear me complain cos i close 2 eyes and ears and mouth mah.. but accumulate too much so volcano erupted liao. Must live together... she's been crying to hubby and say she wans us to live together... so im waiting for bb to be 18 months!!! Not full day child care.. but at least 3 hrs away from her.
My MIL os keeps saying she treats me like own daughter.. but pls lor.. we know it's never the same... she can be so forgiving towards my hubby's cousin whom she took care since she's a baby so she really treats her like her own. But i just say one comment... she treat as scolding and show me black face. Like tt own daughter meh? But hubby think im just being dificult and that i dun appreciate his mum. haiz...
Haiz.. i oso ren-ing for baby' sake.. dun wan him to grow up in an incomplete family... really hope things will be better as baby grows up. U jiayou too!
Heheee... MIL hate club gathering sounds good! hiak hiak hiak.
hehee.. long time din hear me complain cos i close 2 eyes and ears and mouth mah.. but accumulate too much so volcano erupted liao.
Must live together... she's been crying to hubby and say she wans us to live together... so im waiting for bb to be 18 months!!! Not full day child care.. but at least 3 hrs away from her. My MIL os keeps saying she treats me like own daughter.. but pls lor.. we know it's never the same... she can be so forgiving towards my hubby's cousin whom she took care since she's a baby so she really treats her like her own. But i just say one comment... she treat as scolding and show me black face. Like tt own daughter meh? But hubby think im just being dificult and that i dun appreciate his mum. haiz...
Haiz.. i oso ren-ing for baby' sake.. dun wan him to grow up in an incomplete family... really hope things will be better as baby grows up. U jiayou too!
Heheee... MIL hate club gathering sounds good! hiak hiak hiak.
aurora,
I also live with my PIL so i understand what you are going through. And i've lived with them for 9 long years already. things were ok when we were childless, cos i will come back home and just stay in the room, so not much interaction and therefore very little conflict. However, once we have kids, its a different story all together. First it was who to look after the kid - she wanted to have her carefree lifestyle and throw the baby to the lousy maid, my mum heard about it and offered to help. then she got jealous and tried to snatch the bb back. so we worked out a schedule - she looks after monday and tuesday and then my mum looks after wed to fri. we will bring the kids home on sat. then after that, its how she wanted to be address by the bb. at first she wanted to be called popo, asked me what the bb will call my mum. told her will follow how i call both my granny, ah mah. then she changed her mind, saying she also wants to be called ah mah cos my hb called his paternal granny ah mah so she said must follow. AND SHE OBJECTED TO MY KIDS CALLING MY MUM AH MAH! I told her to the face sorry cannot comply cos that is what i call my maternal granny and that is what hb's cousin called his granny too. aiyah, lots of conflict lor. a lot of problem and being a first time mum, i suffered a little depression. so one day, still during my confinement after a heated argument, i walked into her room and told her that since its the bb who is causing all the problem, i will get rid of the problem from the roots. told her i will bring the bb to the highest building and jump off the building so the argument will end. then after that, i have some peace for like a month. then bb started to fall sick very frequently cos he has very sensitive respiratory system and kept falling sick every week. on the ave, we see dr gong twice a month. and that trigger another round of finger pointing, so much so that my relationship with hb deterioted and we actually talked about getting the big D. But we had a good talk and hb is willing to listen and puts in efforts. so now he tries his best to shield me but he is still too much a mummy's boy... (which i secretly hope my 3 kids will learn from him, all mummy's boys and gal!!!)
My confinement is also bad lah. In addition to being like Reirei's confinement, i still got to go wet market and supermarket to get all the groceries and household stuff, right from the 4th day onwards! Else i got nothing at home to cook and eat!!! The one small piece of fish MIL bot for me to eat have to last at least a week... how to eat? so through out my whole confinement, i got to buy buy and buy that's including 10kg packs of rice. i almost fainted during my 1st trip to the supermarket and i also sprained my back - so bad that i cannot walk and get up from laying to standing position without someone holding me up...
We still have heated arguments and quarrels. I really think she is mentally not fit. I certainty don't think its me cos since last year, her own only daughter does not want to come back often to visit as she doesn't want to be closed to her. The only time we meet up is having dinner out, now almost every sat.
Aurora, I think after your good talk with hb, try to get hb to always support you. afterall, you and him are responsible on HOW your kids turn out, not your mum or MIL. As granny, they can spoil their grandchild but your hb can point out to her that he is him today because she is a strict mother and now you are doing your job as a mother. And your MIL should let you do your job as a mother because its your turn now, her's over already! When I needs to cane or punish my kids, i always bring them to a room, close the door and punish, even though now my PILs and my parents do not interfare (i stormed back to my place once when my mum snatch my cane from me while i'm canning #1, but then she realized that canning helps and she stop holding me back...), its still better to do it in pte because 1) save face for the kid, 2) save the heartache for the grandparents and 3) you can take your time explaining to your child why you need to punish him/her, and there's no distraction for you to explain properly and for the child to understand you.
Hopefully this works for you. and for bb's sake, work the relationship with hb lah. remember why you marry him in the first place...
I also live with my PIL so i understand what you are going through. And i've lived with them for 9 long years already. things were ok when we were childless, cos i will come back home and just stay in the room, so not much interaction and therefore very little conflict. However, once we have kids, its a different story all together. First it was who to look after the kid - she wanted to have her carefree lifestyle and throw the baby to the lousy maid, my mum heard about it and offered to help. then she got jealous and tried to snatch the bb back. so we worked out a schedule - she looks after monday and tuesday and then my mum looks after wed to fri. we will bring the kids home on sat. then after that, its how she wanted to be address by the bb. at first she wanted to be called popo, asked me what the bb will call my mum. told her will follow how i call both my granny, ah mah. then she changed her mind, saying she also wants to be called ah mah cos my hb called his paternal granny ah mah so she said must follow. AND SHE OBJECTED TO MY KIDS CALLING MY MUM AH MAH! I told her to the face sorry cannot comply cos that is what i call my maternal granny and that is what hb's cousin called his granny too. aiyah, lots of conflict lor. a lot of problem and being a first time mum, i suffered a little depression. so one day, still during my confinement after a heated argument, i walked into her room and told her that since its the bb who is causing all the problem, i will get rid of the problem from the roots. told her i will bring the bb to the highest building and jump off the building so the argument will end. then after that, i have some peace for like a month. then bb started to fall sick very frequently cos he has very sensitive respiratory system and kept falling sick every week. on the ave, we see dr gong twice a month. and that trigger another round of finger pointing, so much so that my relationship with hb deterioted and we actually talked about getting the big D. But we had a good talk and hb is willing to listen and puts in efforts. so now he tries his best to shield me but he is still too much a mummy's boy... (which i secretly hope my 3 kids will learn from him, all mummy's boys and gal!!!)
My confinement is also bad lah. In addition to being like Reirei's confinement, i still got to go wet market and supermarket to get all the groceries and household stuff, right from the 4th day onwards! Else i got nothing at home to cook and eat!!! The one small piece of fish MIL bot for me to eat have to last at least a week... how to eat? so through out my whole confinement, i got to buy buy and buy that's including 10kg packs of rice. i almost fainted during my 1st trip to the supermarket and i also sprained my back - so bad that i cannot walk and get up from laying to standing position without someone holding me up...
We still have heated arguments and quarrels. I really think she is mentally not fit. I certainty don't think its me cos since last year, her own only daughter does not want to come back often to visit as she doesn't want to be closed to her. The only time we meet up is having dinner out, now almost every sat.
Aurora, I think after your good talk with hb, try to get hb to always support you. afterall, you and him are responsible on HOW your kids turn out, not your mum or MIL. As granny, they can spoil their grandchild but your hb can point out to her that he is him today because she is a strict mother and now you are doing your job as a mother. And your MIL should let you do your job as a mother because its your turn now, her's over already! When I needs to cane or punish my kids, i always bring them to a room, close the door and punish, even though now my PILs and my parents do not interfare (i stormed back to my place once when my mum snatch my cane from me while i'm canning #1, but then she realized that canning helps and she stop holding me back...), its still better to do it in pte because 1) save face for the kid, 2) save the heartache for the grandparents and 3) you can take your time explaining to your child why you need to punish him/her, and there's no distraction for you to explain properly and for the child to understand you.
Hopefully this works for you. and for bb's sake, work the relationship with hb lah. remember why you marry him in the first place...
krex78
Active Member
aurora,
wah, your hb mommy's boy indeed. i will be so pissed if my hb were like you. so far, i have not had any standoff with MIL. last weekend, my MIL wanted to have sat lunch despite the family meeting up again for my SIL's bb's man yue on sun. i was like...no way! if i do that, i'll be seeing them everyday already! so i told my hb to skip sat lunch so we dun have to rush and bb won't be so cranky. end up on fri night when we went to collect bb, MIL asked what time we will be coming and i told my hb to reject lunch the next day. he agreed and told his mom and luckily, they didn't pursue. i tried my luck and asked if we cld have family dinner on one of the weekdays since my dumb SIL (who brings her bb to her mom's place everyday coz' she dunno how to bathe bb) is there everyday. then both MIL and FIL started to give excuses and end up sat lunch remains
oh well, try again next time! privately at home, told my hb i wanted to skip sat lunch with his family since we see one another so often already but his rationale is sat lunch is the only time all of us can gather together at the same time and when his mom is not "working for us" to take care of bb *faintz*
rona,
your MIL doesn't seem very kind. how come she let u go out alone to buy groceries? did she cook for u at least? or u have a maid to cook? i tot my situation was quite bad, coz' the first weekend after i came home from hospital, had to go out and find a maid with my hb. felt so weak and tired then! and then when maid was ready one week later, hb asked me to go drive to the agency and pick her up!?! he's the kind think that confinement is like a holiday at home where i get to enjoy good food and have CL around to help out! was quite upset he cldn't take leave even during this crucial period to help out
luckily i'm not so useless like my SIL and managed to do things more independently with hb around, like drive bb to the PD for vaccination. my SIL is handicapped w/o her husband even though she has a maid. till this day, she's quite amazed when i sometimes bring bb to and fro my MIL's place w/o my hb!?!
wah, your hb mommy's boy indeed. i will be so pissed if my hb were like you. so far, i have not had any standoff with MIL. last weekend, my MIL wanted to have sat lunch despite the family meeting up again for my SIL's bb's man yue on sun. i was like...no way! if i do that, i'll be seeing them everyday already! so i told my hb to skip sat lunch so we dun have to rush and bb won't be so cranky. end up on fri night when we went to collect bb, MIL asked what time we will be coming and i told my hb to reject lunch the next day. he agreed and told his mom and luckily, they didn't pursue. i tried my luck and asked if we cld have family dinner on one of the weekdays since my dumb SIL (who brings her bb to her mom's place everyday coz' she dunno how to bathe bb) is there everyday. then both MIL and FIL started to give excuses and end up sat lunch remains
rona,
your MIL doesn't seem very kind. how come she let u go out alone to buy groceries? did she cook for u at least? or u have a maid to cook? i tot my situation was quite bad, coz' the first weekend after i came home from hospital, had to go out and find a maid with my hb. felt so weak and tired then! and then when maid was ready one week later, hb asked me to go drive to the agency and pick her up!?! he's the kind think that confinement is like a holiday at home where i get to enjoy good food and have CL around to help out! was quite upset he cldn't take leave even during this crucial period to help out
doll_puppet
Active Member
hi mummies
aurora
good that you feel better now..sigh...we all have our fair share of MIL issues...i totally can feel for you ..and it is really damn depressing...ur MIL is really quite possessive hor..a bit like mine..heehee...but a good thing is my hubby is rather compromising..yes..my hb also quite listen to his mum..but he knows im not happy with MIL hogging MIL so he will keep thinking of ways to get kaer to spend more time with me and yet wont anger or hurt his mum..like many mummies said here...spend more time alone with bb..MIL usually just ask me where i going..i will usually say HOME WITH BB!..i keep doing that when i knock off early..so i get to spend more time with kaer..now she more or less know i want to spend time with kaer..n the recent issue with her...hubby also suggest i keep carrying kaer and say i no need her help....but it can still get quite irritating sometimes with her around...
i will also try to send kaer to CC when she turn 18 months.. spend as little time with her better...wont get onto my nerves!..i also know she sayang kaer, but i think old pple a bit slow and blur..and insensitive..wont get the message unless spoken out very clearly..so, now, im still learning to be more direct with her..yet dun hurt her..need to be very patient...i think getting into arguments over MIL is very common lor...sop dun think too much about it..its with these arguments that messages get across!..heehee...its like that for me..heehee..cheer up
aurora
good that you feel better now..sigh...we all have our fair share of MIL issues...i totally can feel for you ..and it is really damn depressing...ur MIL is really quite possessive hor..a bit like mine..heehee...but a good thing is my hubby is rather compromising..yes..my hb also quite listen to his mum..but he knows im not happy with MIL hogging MIL so he will keep thinking of ways to get kaer to spend more time with me and yet wont anger or hurt his mum..like many mummies said here...spend more time alone with bb..MIL usually just ask me where i going..i will usually say HOME WITH BB!..i keep doing that when i knock off early..so i get to spend more time with kaer..now she more or less know i want to spend time with kaer..n the recent issue with her...hubby also suggest i keep carrying kaer and say i no need her help....but it can still get quite irritating sometimes with her around...
i will also try to send kaer to CC when she turn 18 months.. spend as little time with her better...wont get onto my nerves!..i also know she sayang kaer, but i think old pple a bit slow and blur..and insensitive..wont get the message unless spoken out very clearly..so, now, im still learning to be more direct with her..yet dun hurt her..need to be very patient...i think getting into arguments over MIL is very common lor...sop dun think too much about it..its with these arguments that messages get across!..heehee...its like that for me..heehee..cheer up
<font color="#CD3278">ReiRei</font>
Eh, ur MIL wanted to give u 'bad' food during ur confinement? Gosh...
And i dun understand how she can talk bad abt her own daughter.. Or issit she just fa lao sao?
<font color="#CD3278">aurora</font>
I am very thankful hb is supportive! If not i think i wld go berserk!
U know one thing i can nvr understand is.. Arent all MILs once upon a time DILs too? How wld they like it to be treated the way they are behaving?
But i guess at the end of the day, ur MIL still loves Reagan, just expressed in ways tt disagree with u *hugs*
<font color="#CD3278">celyn</font>
<font size="+2"><blink><font color="aa00aa">Happy Birthday!!</font></blink></font>
Have loads of fun today!
Eh, ur MIL wanted to give u 'bad' food during ur confinement? Gosh...
And i dun understand how she can talk bad abt her own daughter.. Or issit she just fa lao sao?
<font color="#CD3278">aurora</font>
I am very thankful hb is supportive! If not i think i wld go berserk!
U know one thing i can nvr understand is.. Arent all MILs once upon a time DILs too? How wld they like it to be treated the way they are behaving?
But i guess at the end of the day, ur MIL still loves Reagan, just expressed in ways tt disagree with u *hugs*
<font color="#CD3278">celyn</font>
<font size="+2"><blink><font color="aa00aa">Happy Birthday!!</font></blink></font>
Have loads of fun today!
mavys_m2bagain
New Member
Celyn,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
