(2008/02) Feb 2008 MTBs

XY
poor you....sound like u need a break....cannot be super mommy without help..how abt getting a PT cleaner, few hrs a week, at least can ease your load a bit.

I found the melon strips btw. Hope K accept the barley drink this week.

#2
hmmm....i oso think about how I will be pian xin towards K if I have #2. Somehow #1 will always have special place in our hearts wan.....
 


Tute: my son is like that too, but he does sit still sometimes like when eating/ going outside ( meaning in the stroller). But overall he is also like C, climbing up and down, knocking his head many times already and now got blue black on his forehead and legs, as well as baluku

Esther: wah, active child can be autistic also meh? I always tot they tend to be quiet and live within their own world. Sigh, dunno what causes autism?
 
#2 - easier not to be partial if of different gender =)

i think, if we have #2 genuinely and not SIMPLY becos #2 is to keep #1 company, then i am sure the love will be there.

if the reason #2 exists is solely bcos of #1, then i would rather not have.
 
XY,
poor you...pat pat....if i were in your shoes, would have BOXED up your hb liao =)

i think the suggestion by a few mummies of PT cleaner is a good one. at least the ironing, washing of toilets, mopping of floor can be done by her. so you only need to worry about the lighter chores.

you can also "train" your hb. assign him one task (eg. fold clothes) and make him responsible for that. if he doesn't do it, don't do it for him. until he learns that he needs to contribute to helping in the house as well. you can pile all the clothes on HIS side of the bed into a mountain if he doesn't wake up his idea *muahahah*
 
xiaoyun..
sounds quite jialat leh...i realize i cannot live in harmony if my hubby dun help. i think it started with small steps.

1. left him alone with Ruth for a few hours while i went for a haircut or what. i think that left him abit amazed at the amount of energy required to look after her.

so i told him - imagine you young, healthy and strong already tired, my mum who is almost twice our age will be DAMN tired right?

2. I have chronic backache...so i had to make him bath her on weekends cuz i cannot strain my back in the mornings (or else i'm like incapacitated for the rest of the day). SO he gradually enjoyed looking after her - a lot of fun.

3. Ruth pees and poos on command -something he is subconsciously very happy to facilitated somehow.

4. Ruth is 11+kg liao....very very tiring for the rest of us to carry so he has to be the one carrying.

Of course, i had a lot of fears leaving Ruth with him for the first few times - but after awhile, I told myself if I want to "train" hubby, I have to let go - cannot everything i want to control and do it my way.

So now, he can survive looking after her. just that have to keep feeding her jar food if on his own entirely (without my parents cooking for her).

Or else, Ruth will basically eat anything we eat (mostly) if we really want to feed her 'outside food'.

My friend in Norway has no maid or in-laws or parents to help. She has to work as well as look after 3 boys when she returns from work. She says if hubby is not "well-trained", it will be living hell.
 
Just weighed shaun recently, and I think he slimmed down a lot, only 11kg. He used to be quite a big baby . Maybe too active, though he ate quite a lot.

Xy, I know that you hired pt cleaner before, now no more?
 
Gar
I think you are so right. If #2 exists for #1's sake, it is very very sad. I say that because I had a GF who had #2 because #1 + hb asked her. In the end, she herself is very unhappy becuz she feels caged up by the 2 kids, no freedom, cannot travel, no sppt from hb.

Lezy
my friend in switzerland says the women in his office leave office at 11am, go home to cook lunch for the kids, come back at 2pm, work and leave at 4.30 to cook dinner. kids go to school in bus, come home themselves, or hubbies help to pick up/send off. Very family friendly environment; the bosses dun bat an eyelid; it's like their RIGHT. women in europe have alot more govt support to make it work.

No maids, no ILs, no PT cleaners - everything they do with hb's help and when kids old enuff, kids MUST help to do chores like clean their own rooms, garden, take out rubbish.
 
re : hyperactive kids

i tink most kids r active which is quite normal/common but not to the extent of becoming autistic ba... my nephew (turning 3 next mth) is one of the active boys ard. he can simply run so fast that my SIL has 2 chase after him, if not, dunno where he will go 2...

tong,

frm wat i heard frm my gf, her gf's son if anyting triggers him abit, he literally will go "mad" and go round screaming! the doc mention tat the son dun like 2 mk eye contact. so if parents/outsiders dunno tat he has a pro, they might tink he is being rude.

Cayenne aso very active. now likes 2 run ard and very "chu lu". can sit legs open wide or one leg up. machiam like gangster. haha.
 
Gar,
agree.

I cannot have #2 just because "#1 will be lonely".

I see some siblings really hate each other to core, even until grown=up age etc. SO it's not just immature sibling rivalry as kids. In that manner, dun think i can agree that second child will be 'good company' for first child or vice versa.

If wanna have #2, i feel for me, it has to be cuz we really want another terror in the house.
happy.gif
 
hyperactivity
E is also a handful, always running all over the place.

autism
i think one of the easiest to tell signs for it is that they have a lot of difficulty in making eye contact. not sure why but it's one of the symptoms.

#2
i would love to have #2, 3, and maybe even 4! but like you gals mentioned, i am already so super tired from looking after 1! but i love having a sister and hb has 1 sis 1 bro, so we want a bigger family also.

lezy
i'm like you, last time if colleagues bring babies to office i would pretend to be busy cos i'm not that interested :p now i adore all kids! or rather, most kids (some really naughty lah..)
heh.
 
i agree with u all abt #2... although i would love to have another 1.. i oso feel i might not love no.2 as much as no.1

tat y i have been thinking abt it... and plus hb not enthu with no.2

tongtong
i duno wat vernon weight now. can feel he is heavier leh... tryng to find a weighing machine lol... vernon eats alot leh.. haiz.. he is like forever hungry
 
Channet went for her 15month jabs. She cried until the ground floor also can hear. Nurse also said Channet is among the top 3% tallest. Her height is 82.4cm. Weight still ok at 11kg.
 
last time i was like all of u. Keep thinking for #1 and has the same feeling esp when i knw he is a boy. But now tat he is 15 mth old liao somehw i feel i am more attached to him than my #1. I think it is the boy thing tat boy tend to be more attached to mummy. Plus i am bfing him thus the special bond for me and him is there. For my ger i am glad she is very understanding and yes i love her too.. esp when she is really acting like a jie jie, helping me to take care of him etc.. but frankly if u wan me say i think i am more attached to #2 than my #1... hmm am i biased? I think now that u all hv this feeling of no feeling for #2 cos they r still bb and harder to play and communicate with while our 15 mth old toddler are surprising us with new things everyday. Thus the surprises r there and thus we feel more for them. Perhaps itis also becos #1 has outgrow the stage of surprise that y not so "excited" liao? i duno... but i must say my hb is more attached to her. so i guess that makes it fair. hahaha... but still i must say they r both my darlings. Each has its own uniqueness and fun to play with...now that i think over i do not regret my decision to hv #2. But to have #3, i'll recover. $$$$ and time spend with each of them is still a put off factor for me...
 
Bkkgal, wahhhhh switzerland is so pro family. Really envy. Here in sg? Sigh. Work work work.

Esther, the way you described about C like gangster really make me laugh lor!

Cheryl: I walked pass by a weighing scale so tot of weighing shaun lor. A bit surprised cuz many months back he was 10kg liao. Many months later only 1 kg increase? Anyway, the scale might be out? Keke. I think Vernon on growth spurt
 
Tong,

agree wif u tat in SG oni work, say pro family. but seriously hw many employers r reali pro family?

Cayenne had her last weight and height measurement when she went 4 her MMR jab 2 wks ago. Weighs 9.8kg and stands @ 85cm. PD commented tat Cayenne is on abit of lighter weight side but very tall.
 
bkk,
wow i wanna be a FTWM in switzerland man =)

i think our SG govt hor, really clueless. expect women to have more babies, continue to work, and outsource childcare to 3rd parties. the only way they know how to incentivize is through $$$$

really missing the crux of the issue by a gazillion miles!!!
 
bkkgal
i think tats true for some european countries.
if im not wrong their maternity leave is like more than 6mths!! but over here....before even start maternity, ppl will ask when we coming back..hehe...

#2
i agree tat shd not have #2 for #1 coz it will never end...#3 for #2 la..etc....we need to accept and find joy in what we have. honestly, if i have #2, i want to be more confident handling him/her but tat kind of thinking also not fair la..hehe
but i guess if and when we plan to have more, its coz, we feel and wat to share this wonderful gift of unconditional love to another person./child.
happy.gif
happy.gif

Hopefully when #2 comes, my son will be able to see how much his parents look him and he in turn will appreciate and be loving towards others. Coz im sure right now, he thinks his world is the centre of our universe...hahaha...
 
gar/esther

agree!! a lot of employers all say-say only. i guess to be fair to govt, child care is pretty cheap here, about $200+ a month after subsidy for My First Skool.

but i think the govt needs to be more proactive in driving the cultural change.... on our thread alone we have enough stories on how non-pro family some companies are, imagine the rest of the other FTWMs out there!
 
garfield
i totally agree with u!! on off payments are not an answer to a lifetime to committment lehhh.
I don mind the $$ if flexible working arrangements are easy to get rather than praying every night tat ur employer will approve ur request.
 
i guess when it comes to family matters, the govn cant mandate such things...coz later no company wld want to invest and set up business.
however at other countries, its the law that requires the companies to offer mothers such benefits.

BUT we can still be thankful on wat we have la...im sure elsewhr there are some who are worse off than us.
 
to me, if the govt is serious about being pro-family, civil servants won't be facing such challenges in terms of flexi-work arrangements. they can't have their cake and eat it.
 
Pro-family work environment

Maybe the change starts with ourselves. If your hb or yourself is in supervisory role, you can set example by creating a profamily environment
happy.gif
My hb's subord on the day that she gonna be induced, sms him to ask permission! My hb was like "walao" need to ask permission one meh??? She's very respon in discussing maternity plans with hb. My hb set example and kept telling her it;s ok, just go, just go, dun even need to take 2 months, come back and take 2 months flexi. Just come back whenever she is ready. Bosses of the past need to change their old mindset. Women also can be much much better bosses, imho.
happy.gif
 
bkk,
true. that said, i believe MNCs are a bit more pro-family. i am quite thankful to be in a pro-family organization. they are quite considerate and understanding when i was preggie and had to work from home...now, i can leave at 6 sharp on most days (with the agreement that i can finish up what needs to be done from home at 9+pm onwards). i can take urgent leave very easily if there are unforeseen situations like caregiver not able to come.

asians, including singaporean bosses, tend to be the type that "i need to see you in the office at your desk in order to know that you are working". in some cultures, they actually frown upon employees who go home on time....the impression is that they are skiving.

ang mos generally manage by outcome. we have weekly one on one meetings and have to update what we have accomplished during the past week. so it's own time own target. just need to be accountable at the end of the week what i have done.
 
4 my case, my superior isnt pro family one i suppose. when i 1st asked him abt taking 4mths ML, and my reasons of doing so. all he say is "wa.. u got a maid sia" & "very hard 2 predict future" (as in our workload). so in my 1st attempt, no definite yes or no from him. told hb tat so if our workload suddenly increase in july which i'm suppose 2 due, i dun go 4 labour?

anyway, i email MOM asking abt the 4mths ML. I asked my superior again 4 the 2nd time. tis time he said he actually is fine wif me taking 4mths ML BUT on the other hand, still say tings like hard 2 predict workload etc.. then told me must discuss wif boss. I told him flatly tat there's nothing to discuss as based on MOM law, no mutual agreement between both parties, means employee has the right 2 tk 4 mths as a block. tat shuts my superior up.

wat my superior does in office is on personal calls, internet etc...
 
Pro-family work environment

I don't understand this idea that productivity must necessarily be linked to physical presence in the office. In fact, I see many pp on the internet, facebook, surfing, then they end up work late, go home late to impress the boss.

Try to set example by shutting down at 6.30 latest. Go home. If cannot finish, log on again after bb goes to bed. Weekends dun log on, or else bosses think they have you online 24/7. Unless absolutely necessary, do not call pp over weekends. To me, it shows no respect for private time, I resent it very much.

Esty, bosses all lidat one. Must "future-proof", buy insurance for their manpower needs, must always have qualifier "BUT this" "But that". Tell him who knows maybe tomorrow no job???? hahaha.
 
i work for Govt...so cannot comment...sekali kana mark.

anyway, just for fun..if ur (private company) boss say 'but dunno how to guarantee workload" etc. You agree lor...say.."Ya, who knows man...we may just be like Lehmann Bros...tomorrow all goners" :p
 
for me...i bring part of my work home.

but a big bulk of my work can ONLY be done in office. that's why i've cut down time spent on the forum as well - cuz have to work on another pc not linked to civilisation :p

i think it's really up to boss lor. SO far my bosses are quite ok. even when i was onl maternity last year and the team was shrunken as one other member quit, my boss was new and my assistant was new, my boss still never give me any pressure to go back at all. At most he ask me to attend this particular course as it would be useful. And even then, not compulsory also.

Taking urgent leave also no problem. We have family time-off (2 days), non-certified MC (2 days), mc (30 days), child care/sick leave (about 5-6 days i think) and also have timeoff for medical/dental appointments (but dependent on boss/dept). NOrmal annual leave can be taken without questions also. It's entitlement.

I think i cannot go back into private compnies to work. TOo used to my current employer's benefits.
happy.gif
 
wa esther, nasty supervisor. it would be gd to get boss's understanding, but if he's like tt..then bo chap la..just take what's your right.
 
haha..

ya man. who will know and who can predict the future? tat y tat time when he 1st said it 2 me, i tot it was a lame excuse.

i alreadi plan 2 quit if cant talk things out. cos my stand is very clear and i hv my reasons & worries for doing so. but seems like my superior & boss dun understand. to them, oni they hv family, we employees dun hv. haha...
 
re: pro family companies,
i think can't generalise and it really depends up to the boss... i've seen ang moh slave drivers and asians whose result oriented... i'm one of those lucky ones with a boss who totally understands my needs to care for my son (eventho he is asian, has no kids of his own and a workaholic, but he's a people's manager)

my company i think puts their best to retain their employees, but all those has a clause like "As agreed with your line manager". so ultimately it depends on the line manager...

like lezy, I try to cut down my time browsing outside work as well (consciously) to put more time at work, thus can go home earlier. But as I work with people from countries with 8-12 hours difference with SGP so most of the time, have no choice but to do calls at night... I try to take calls from home but sometimes cannot then also if got problem, need to mentally support my team
sad.gif
There's still a sense of responsiblity I cannot abandoned, but then if really no point for me to be there I'll just ask them to email me if anything urgent. Anyway, the way I make it up for C is by spending more time in the morning with him, so i usually leave home at around 9am and most of the time reach home 8-8.30 pm. Just when I put this down, then i realise how long i spend in the office..
sad.gif
 
for me im lucky to say tat my job is purely administrative. come 6pm, all my tasks are complete, i can rush home and dun carry any work back. infact, come 6pm, there will be a few of us along at the lift lobby...hehhe
im sure when my son starts cc, i will more of a superwoman...specially when hb has to OT or stuck in a jam.

flexi work
i have spoken to my boss and presented options..hehe..the way i see it no point i have one option and thats the end of it. hopefull it will work out for everyone interest.
happy.gif
 
re: hubby
thanks gals for all your encouraging words. i am feeling better now.
my post yesterday is just after i quarrelled with him. :p

in fact, he is quite a hands on person compared to most of my guy friends.
being the only son at home, he does clean his own room, vacuum and mop the house.
i was quite impressed by him last time. and even after marriage, he does share the housework by mopping the floor and wash the toilet occasionally.
when i was pregnant, he help to hang the clothes after washing.

now, with a kid around, his job scope doesn't change and he doesn't seem to notice that he need to widen his job scope. since i am no longer pregnant, i got to hang the clothes by myself.
sad.gif


for a typical sunday (i am working on Sat), the moment i wake up, i need to do the following:
(1) feed C milk
(2) load the clothes for washing
(3) prepare C breakfast and feed C
(4) breakfast for myself
(5) prepare C lunch (while doing this, C will be playing her plastic spoon and cups in the kitchen)
(6) hang the clothes out
from (1)-(6), hubby watch TV or make C sleep by lying on the bed to sleep together with her
(7) go market with hubby and buy lunch for ourselves
(8) have lunch, feed C lunch
while feeding C lunch, hubby still watching TV
(9) wash dishes
finally can have some breather, hubby came and ask me: "you ready to vacuum the floor? i can mop later" *faint*
...........


lucky that my sis do help out on the house cleaning part every alternate weeks. otherwise i will be even 'yellow face'.
i also quarelled with him on that and asked him to vacuum and mop altogether. good that he did that this weekend.
but found out that he skipped the vacuuming and mopping underneath the bed, sofa. and i can see all the dust is all over the place again..
sad.gif


i did think about the option of hiring a part time maid, but we have already hired 1 for my MIL. if going to hire another, then it will increase our expense again.
i am quite stubborn as i see that he's so zobo at home, why can't he help out such that we do not need to incur extra expenses?
if really going to hire, $ should come from his pocket as he's the one that does not help out.

garfield,
i also tried to throw his clothes after folding on his side of the bed for him to put into his own wardrobe. you know what he did?
he pushed them to my side and end up everything is on the floor!! he has higher tolerance than me, what can i do? :p

lezy,
he actually look after C on Sat while i am working.
there was once he took care of C alone (without MIL/my sis's help), C did not finish her portion of porridge as he say C doesn't like and he did not try hard to feed her.
he anyhow bathe C without washing her hair as he refused to learn to bathe C previously.
when my sis came back, he quickly ran out of the house for a few hours without telling us when was the last milk feed for C.
after i came back from work, found out that the house is in a mess. asked him to help out.
his response is: "i shouldn't come back so early (the tone is full of resentment)"
and he feel that MIL and my sis purposely want to tekan him by leaving him alone with C.
 
re: our toddler update
C is also very short. my genes, no choice :p
she's still 8.5 kg.
i've got some sample of the Pampers Newbaby, she can still wear.
sad.gif



re: hyperactive
while you all worring the hyperactivenss of your precious, i am worrying that she's too quite at times.
haha..


re: breadmachine
i've got mine too!!! a second hand brand new in box zojirushi one. good buy!! :D
made a loaf of white bread.
saw the recipe can do half loaf, and i did that with my 1.5 lb breadmachine.
it works!!
but seems that my yeast is not enough. the bread turns hard the next day.

bkkgal,
need to ask you. the zojirushi recipe calls 1 package of yeast. how many grams is 1 package?
my 1 package is 11 g.


re: pro-family company
my direct boss is quite ok with taking leave and going back home on time as long as i deliver.
the problem is on my director and the big boss.
sad.gif
 
Sigh, XY, I don't know what to say except it's really tough to change a guy. Actually before getting married, me and my younger bro both hate doing housechores but my mum will nag us to do it every weekend. We really rather hire part time maid to help her so that we can 'shiam' these duties but my mum insist not to so that can save $$$ even now when she is already so old. So, now that I'm married, I got to clean my own house. But my bro is still stuck with mopping the floor on weekends (if he's in so he always goes out on Sat/Sun) though he told my mum many times that he is willing to pay for part time helper. I can imagine my bro will probably be someone like your hubby if he gets married.

What I will do if I were you is to talk to hubby nicely (without resentment and accusation so that you don't get him defensive). Eg. I know doing housechores on your weekend and looking after C is not your idea of a relaxing weekend. Actually it's not mine either. I'm trying my best to look after C on Sundays since I work on Sat but and I really don't have the time and energy to clean the house as well. Would you prefer that we hire part time help to clean the house so that we don't have stress ourselves over this anymore or would you rather do more on Sundays?

See what he says lor, if he wants to save $, then you chop chop 'assign duties' and hold him to his words. But if he really doesn't like to do housechores, then make him pay for the part time help. No point forcing the cow to drink water if it really doesn't want to. Find another way to solve the problem and make yourself happier. Good luck!
happy.gif
 
changing men
i already given up on that. hahaha.. of he help tat will be a bonus. if he doesnt so be it.

work vs pro-family
i think in our society it is hard for companies to get this kind of thinking. Anyway for me i chooses family over $. Took on 3/4 pay workload and hence i hv one off day now
 
re: changing man
luckily when i was about to give up, my hb realised that I got fed up with him, and started helping up again. but most of the time, i need to tell him what to do next... overall, he's still quite alright. like last week, when i brought my gal out for a children play, he brought my boy to sentosa for a gathering. :p

xiao yun
where did you get the 2nd hand bread machine?

re: pro family working environment
i think it's more depending on the direct supervisor you report to. my supervisor is quite pro family but still very results oriented. like the previously where there's a period of time, i have work-from-home arrangement with my boss, but the workload did not decrease and she expects the same amount of deliverables... oh well... i think i can't complain much 'cos not all other dpt in my company have this kind of work-from-home arrangement...
 
vernon is oso short. i think he got his parent's genes all short short 1..
yest i measure he is abt 79cm liao...
weight i think is 11kg. cos infantcare measure
 
re: pro family working environment
for sure, mine is not.

re:2nd hand bread machine
xy, got lobang

re:hyperactive
Gervaise is super super active...
he will climb in chair/table.

re:weight
i dun know his height but he is abt 13kg ++
 
Xy: pat pat, I think you need to ask ur hubby to do the task or else, pay $ to hire a pt cleaner. this is what I did too. Instead of constanting nagging hubby to do this and that, I rather fork out $ to hire one, cuz I cant stand dirty and messy place. My mum said I asked the cleaner to come too often, cuz I ask her to come 3 times a week. But for me, I will have more time since I cnat do anything when shaun is around. Your hubby really attitude leh, for me I sure exploded liao.

I exploded a few times and he realized he hasn’t been doing ENOUGH ( cuz he already helping out), as I need to nag and constantly reminding him to do this and that.

As for the bread, diy bread sure hard one, cuz we din put bread improver( which is bad)
ma. You just need to steam the bread and it will become soft soft again.

Dor, same as gervaise, S will climb up and down the chair, coffee table, everywhere he see which he can climb up he will. So I think all boys are active hor?
 
dorothy
vernon oso like tat ok... we go shopping centre
he saw small chair he go n climb the chair loh. duh. bring him away he cry
 
tong,
wah, u ask pt time cleaner to come 3x a week. i find it so hard to arrange for the pt time cleaner to come coz i am seldom at home or the timing clash with her other assignments. my gal also super active...
 
sunny
wah your hubby can bring bb out himself! that day my hubby was just wondering whether he can.. i think maybe can but for sure he won't know what to pack or when to feed milk, etc.

tongtong
i know what you mean, sometimes nag and nag until buay tahan right?? for us we don't need to do housework cos we stay with ILs, but my MIL is a supermum, so much so that the sons don't do anything at all. when E was young even want to ask ILs to look after while he watch tv or go online instead of spending time with bb. unfortunately i have to explode many times to "train" him, hehehe.
 
hmm...

seems like most mummies hv the same pro wif our DHs.. haha... am glad tat i'm nt the odd 1 out.

i still rem tat i breakdown terribly few times even my dad got a shock. at tat point of time, i tot i'm crazy, odd 1 out when my other gfs seem 2 hv NO pro wif their hbs... i asked myself am i asking 2 much of my hb etc.. my cousin & hb tot i got post-natal blues. haha... but i knw i dun hv, somehow or rather i jz knw.

i guess my gfs or other mummies arent ready 2 share their woes, maybe?

but then i tink it's better 2 talk/share wif similar plight mummies. so tat we can gain support mentally..
happy.gif
 

Bx, my pt cleaner comes at 7pm, when I reached home. So I got another pair of eye to help look out lor while she cleaning. She is flexible, we always change timing though.

Esther, yea I guess 9 out of 10 hubbies are not auto in terms of helping out? Or perhaps it’s just our female’s instinct to take care of the household all the time, but not the guys.
 
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