(2007/07) July 2007 MTBs
- Thread starter babysage
- Start date
Irene - thank you so much for generously giving of your time and materials for our little craft session today! You have an amazing talent gal! The letters turned out great.
Can I come over some day and do another set? After seeing Jovan's gorgeous set, I think Ems should get a primary colour version too - haha.
Can I come over some day and do another set? After seeing Jovan's gorgeous set, I think Ems should get a primary colour version too - haha.
hey hey.. the letters look AMAZING!! so sad i cldnt come to do the letters today! argh..
yolksac, i like the white daisy and purple flower u used!! where did u get them? hey if u are gonna do another set for ems, wanna do together?
irene, u are such a great SHI FU!! both sets of names came out fab! wonder how amber's set looks!! post pics pls amber!!!
yolksac, i like the white daisy and purple flower u used!! where did u get them? hey if u are gonna do another set for ems, wanna do together?
irene, u are such a great SHI FU!! both sets of names came out fab! wonder how amber's set looks!! post pics pls amber!!!
irene: hmmm, hard to describe, near the craft section, quite close to where the gift-wrapping materials (eg empty gift boxes) are displayed
jules: yes! let's do them together! the white daisy is from Martha Stewart Crafts (can google them for their online shop) and the purple flower was kindly provided by irene. I have spare white daisies, can bring for you.
jules: yes! let's do them together! the white daisy is from Martha Stewart Crafts (can google them for their online shop) and the purple flower was kindly provided by irene. I have spare white daisies, can bring for you.
hehe i was only there to help... they are the ones that did most of the job hehe... yeah can arrange yolk n jules to do together.. hehe..
amber's really pastel theme.. very sweet.. hehe
i love jovan's one... never knew primary colours turn out that great
hehehe
emily's is fantastic.. Hope she will love it
amber's really pastel theme.. very sweet.. hehe
i love jovan's one... never knew primary colours turn out that great
hehehe
emily's is fantastic.. Hope she will love it
argh.. xy just puked AGAIN!! this is in addition to her not taking much milk and food in the 1st place!! my boobs are actually empty (cos i keep latching her) without me having had to pump for the last 2 days. either ss going down.. or its really just going in and out of xy without being absorbed. and all my medicines i syringed in jsut now also came out!! helppp....
sorry sorry... so frustrated. just wanna rant. sigh..
sorry sorry... so frustrated. just wanna rant. sigh..
irene: the letterings are really nice! Beautiful! Where did u get the letters? Sorry to ask as I think I missed some of the posts about the discussions to make the letters. I always enjoy craft sessions. it's very therepeutic. It just take all the stress away from you as u concentrate on making something nice.
Bcube: I think it might be a good idea. At least, the bigger sis can be orientate the younger one and u can rest assure that they can get along. Nevertheless, still have to be vigilant just in case they conspire to do something bad(the worst case scenario)
susu ibu
ray that you will have a good night and for LM to be well too.
Jillian: Great to hear the operation is good. Hang in there and have a good rest.
Jules: Is Xy puking cos' she taking ventolin? My friend told me that bb tends to vomit after taking ventolin to as the airway is opened to let out the phelgm. Hang in there too. Don't get frustrated. She's probably not well to eat and I'm sure she'll make it up in her food intake once she's well again.
yolksac: Think PDs usually do not prescribe antibiotic to bb unless the condition is quite bad. Ems' condition is probably ok and do not need that.
BTw, what's echinacea?
Bcube: I think it might be a good idea. At least, the bigger sis can be orientate the younger one and u can rest assure that they can get along. Nevertheless, still have to be vigilant just in case they conspire to do something bad(the worst case scenario)
susu ibu
ray that you will have a good night and for LM to be well too. Jillian: Great to hear the operation is good. Hang in there and have a good rest.
Jules: Is Xy puking cos' she taking ventolin? My friend told me that bb tends to vomit after taking ventolin to as the airway is opened to let out the phelgm. Hang in there too. Don't get frustrated. She's probably not well to eat and I'm sure she'll make it up in her food intake once she's well again.
yolksac: Think PDs usually do not prescribe antibiotic to bb unless the condition is quite bad. Ems' condition is probably ok and do not need that.
BTw, what's echinacea?
<font color="0000ff">JILLIAN</font>
What fantastic news! Great job to everyone - the doctor, nurse, YOU and your HUBS and family! Take care, and try to get some rest if you can!
<font color="0000ff">JULES</font>
Oh no! Sorry to hear about your situation with XY.
LM and I are in the same boat too.. he just brought up his dinner (which we took great pains to get him to eat, but only a few spoonfuls) and some of his meds. Sigh. I know how you feel, truly!
And my boobie medicine is going through the same thing too.. either it's because I'm nursing him more often on purpose, or the supply is going down.
I hope XY gets better soon, and able to at least keep her meds down.
<font color="119911">CELEB</font>
LM's on 3 meds, one for his nose to dry up his passage, another herbal one (Sinupret) for his phlegm and paracetomol for his fever.
He doesn't mind the herbal one cause it's sweet, but he puts up a fair fight with his paracetomol! I don't like the taste either, yuck! He fought with me and it spilt on his rompers! Aii!!
He's used to nose drops, as I flush his nose from time to time if he sounds stuffy.
Glad to hear Ems has the clear to go out and "rejoin the world"! Hope there's peace in your home!
<font color="ff6000">CHEOK</font>
My turn to have painful boobies! The night I had to pump, I think I didn't clear completely, so I had a hard lump this evening. It was freaking painful! Stood in the shower a long while, massaging my breasts.
Doesn't help that LM isn't latching on well. It's almost as if he's relearning to latch! His cough and his phlegm gets in the way of his sucking, he has to stop and cough every few minutes. By then, he's too tired to nurse and loses his interest.
I just hope he's not dehydrated, as he seems to be off solids and water as well. sigh.
<font color="aa00aa">POPPY POP</font>
Hope your appetite returns soon, that'll be a good recovery sign to look forward to.
Thanks for the tip about fever in the nights.. have to be more vigilant tonight with LM.
Good to hear that your BF isn't affected!
<font color="ff0000">LOBANG QUEEN</font>
Wah... there you have it, a new business venture for you! You can organize these classes at home, charge X amount of $$, provide material and space, and participants get to take home their handy craft. You can ask Peck, Yolk and Amber to write glowing reviews for you in your ads!
Very nice leh.... I'm tempted too! haha! But ours is a rented home, so landlord doesn't want us to be hanging stuff up on walls. Cheh.
Eh.. now, when you go shopping, you can tell your HB you're surveying material to buy for your classes! Wahhaha!!
What fantastic news! Great job to everyone - the doctor, nurse, YOU and your HUBS and family! Take care, and try to get some rest if you can!
<font color="0000ff">JULES</font>
Oh no! Sorry to hear about your situation with XY.
LM and I are in the same boat too.. he just brought up his dinner (which we took great pains to get him to eat, but only a few spoonfuls) and some of his meds. Sigh. I know how you feel, truly!
And my boobie medicine is going through the same thing too.. either it's because I'm nursing him more often on purpose, or the supply is going down.
I hope XY gets better soon, and able to at least keep her meds down.
<font color="119911">CELEB</font>
LM's on 3 meds, one for his nose to dry up his passage, another herbal one (Sinupret) for his phlegm and paracetomol for his fever.
He doesn't mind the herbal one cause it's sweet, but he puts up a fair fight with his paracetomol! I don't like the taste either, yuck! He fought with me and it spilt on his rompers! Aii!!
He's used to nose drops, as I flush his nose from time to time if he sounds stuffy.
Glad to hear Ems has the clear to go out and "rejoin the world"! Hope there's peace in your home!
<font color="ff6000">CHEOK</font>
My turn to have painful boobies! The night I had to pump, I think I didn't clear completely, so I had a hard lump this evening. It was freaking painful! Stood in the shower a long while, massaging my breasts.
Doesn't help that LM isn't latching on well. It's almost as if he's relearning to latch! His cough and his phlegm gets in the way of his sucking, he has to stop and cough every few minutes. By then, he's too tired to nurse and loses his interest.
I just hope he's not dehydrated, as he seems to be off solids and water as well. sigh.
<font color="aa00aa">POPPY POP</font>
Hope your appetite returns soon, that'll be a good recovery sign to look forward to.
Thanks for the tip about fever in the nights.. have to be more vigilant tonight with LM.
Good to hear that your BF isn't affected!
<font color="ff0000">LOBANG QUEEN</font>
Wah... there you have it, a new business venture for you! You can organize these classes at home, charge X amount of $$, provide material and space, and participants get to take home their handy craft. You can ask Peck, Yolk and Amber to write glowing reviews for you in your ads!
Very nice leh.... I'm tempted too! haha! But ours is a rented home, so landlord doesn't want us to be hanging stuff up on walls. Cheh.
Eh.. now, when you go shopping, you can tell your HB you're surveying material to buy for your classes! Wahhaha!!
<font size="+2">Jillian & Ally</font>
hope you have plenty of rest! am so happy that Ally's doing well, now lets pray for speedy recovery
LETTERING
oh wow! you gals did a great job! so pretty!
<font color="0000ff">susu</font>
i hope LM is getting better by now and you & BM can get some rest *hugs*
<font color="119911">poppy</font>
try to rest more; you tend to tire yourself if you think a lot.
<font color="ff0000">jules</font>
oh dear, i understand how irrate you can get when a child keep throwing up and you are lost for what else you can do. you're doing great mommy; hope xy will get well soon.
<font color="ff6000">yolk sac</font>
hope you're doing better than the last couple of day yah.
to the rest of you, take care, take in vit C and drink more - bad bugs are everywhere.
hope you have plenty of rest! am so happy that Ally's doing well, now lets pray for speedy recovery
LETTERING
oh wow! you gals did a great job! so pretty!
<font color="0000ff">susu</font>
i hope LM is getting better by now and you & BM can get some rest *hugs*
<font color="119911">poppy</font>
try to rest more; you tend to tire yourself if you think a lot.
<font color="ff0000">jules</font>
oh dear, i understand how irrate you can get when a child keep throwing up and you are lost for what else you can do. you're doing great mommy; hope xy will get well soon.
<font color="ff6000">yolk sac</font>
hope you're doing better than the last couple of day yah.
to the rest of you, take care, take in vit C and drink more - bad bugs are everywhere.
susu: can't tell yet. His voice is still coarse and he's still coughing. But at least, he was sleeping better. Hope today will be the same.
It's really a struggle to get him to take the medicine. I have to bribe him with biscuits. It makes the medicine session more manageable for him. I'm not sure if this is a good way but at least he's not puking and crying. Didn't want him to lose his voice completely from more crying.
Have a good night,
It's really a struggle to get him to take the medicine. I have to bribe him with biscuits. It makes the medicine session more manageable for him. I'm not sure if this is a good way but at least he's not puking and crying. Didn't want him to lose his voice completely from more crying.
Have a good night,
irene, thanks gal
felt better after ranting hehe...
claire, she's not on ventolin but on another kinda medicine - berodual and pulmicort. these meds act rather similarly to ventolin in opening up the airways, so i guess she is bringing up some of her phlegm with the puke. however she's got diarrhea as well.. so i guess the viral infection has probably affected her gut as well. sick of dealing with her bodily excretions!! grrr....
yolksac, do u take echinacea regularly? do u know.. i was taking it for abt a mth until i got pregnant!! stopped it immediately.. so didnt know if it was working in preventing flus which i get rather often.
susu, argh.. we are in the same boat woman!! hugs!!! may LM keep his BM/meds/vomitus down too!! keeping fingers crossed that our night ahead will be peaceful. have just dosed xy with her runny nose med (which will make her drowsy).. hope it knocks her out for the night. hehehe.. oh no now i sound like a bad mummy!!
btw, is sinupret useful in clearing the phlegm? xy is on bromhexine and hates it more than paracetamol! she has also thrown up big time 2 out of 3 times i feed her bromhexine. thinking of swopping to sinupret if its useful.
claire, she's not on ventolin but on another kinda medicine - berodual and pulmicort. these meds act rather similarly to ventolin in opening up the airways, so i guess she is bringing up some of her phlegm with the puke. however she's got diarrhea as well.. so i guess the viral infection has probably affected her gut as well. sick of dealing with her bodily excretions!! grrr....
yolksac, do u take echinacea regularly? do u know.. i was taking it for abt a mth until i got pregnant!! stopped it immediately.. so didnt know if it was working in preventing flus which i get rather often.
susu, argh.. we are in the same boat woman!! hugs!!! may LM keep his BM/meds/vomitus down too!! keeping fingers crossed that our night ahead will be peaceful. have just dosed xy with her runny nose med (which will make her drowsy).. hope it knocks her out for the night. hehehe.. oh no now i sound like a bad mummy!!
btw, is sinupret useful in clearing the phlegm? xy is on bromhexine and hates it more than paracetamol! she has also thrown up big time 2 out of 3 times i feed her bromhexine. thinking of swopping to sinupret if its useful.
<font color="0000ff">JULES</font>
Yes, same boat indeed. I want to jump ship with LM though! What a nightmare cruise!
Sinupret: in the leaflet, it says it's a herbal relief for sinusitis, regulation of secretion and mucus trasnport in the bronchial tree.
Check with your PD though about using Sinupret. I'm not sure if it helps, too soon to tell, we only started it yesterday, I'm guessing it'll take at least a couple of days to see any improvements, if any.
No harm checking with you PD about the possibility. The good thing about Sinupret is it's sweet, hence more palatable to the child. And being a herbal alternative, I'm much happier to give it to LM.
Hope you'll have a good night.. don't for a second think you're a bad mummy for wishing for a good night's rest. Hey.. if our babies sleep well, that's good for them more importantly! Our sleep is an added bonus then!
Yes, same boat indeed. I want to jump ship with LM though! What a nightmare cruise!
Sinupret: in the leaflet, it says it's a herbal relief for sinusitis, regulation of secretion and mucus trasnport in the bronchial tree.
Check with your PD though about using Sinupret. I'm not sure if it helps, too soon to tell, we only started it yesterday, I'm guessing it'll take at least a couple of days to see any improvements, if any.
No harm checking with you PD about the possibility. The good thing about Sinupret is it's sweet, hence more palatable to the child. And being a herbal alternative, I'm much happier to give it to LM.
Hope you'll have a good night.. don't for a second think you're a bad mummy for wishing for a good night's rest. Hey.. if our babies sleep well, that's good for them more importantly! Our sleep is an added bonus then!
hi everyone its been a helluva day!
Got home frm Irene's n was just in time to feed Ash last few mouthfuls! Thn bathed her n put her to bed. Had 10mins to change shirts n go for my FIL bday dinner.
I just got home n settled in bed! Using my phonenow
Irene thank you so much for having us. My hb was so shocked u let us use ur materials! You're very kind n very talented!!
sorry I left in sucha hurry. Was just crazy for me all day
Jillian praise the Lord! I heard frm yolk whn she got to irenes
you've got an amazing child!
she's so brave! You must b so relieved n tired
I wanna write more but I can't keepmy eyes open
bcube, Susu,Jules bighug
Will put pic of my letters tmr
night all
Got home frm Irene's n was just in time to feed Ash last few mouthfuls! Thn bathed her n put her to bed. Had 10mins to change shirts n go for my FIL bday dinner.
I just got home n settled in bed! Using my phonenow
Irene thank you so much for having us. My hb was so shocked u let us use ur materials! You're very kind n very talented!!
sorry I left in sucha hurry. Was just crazy for me all day
Jillian praise the Lord! I heard frm yolk whn she got to irenes
you've got an amazing child!
she's so brave! You must b so relieved n tired
I wanna write more but I can't keepmy eyes open
bcube, Susu,Jules bighug
Will put pic of my letters tmr
night all
Lilac,...sigh, thought I could meet u.. do u know how I can get in touch with the Singaporeans here? Any (informal) group at all? Thinking of going to the embassy for a look-see, but going out with DS is a challenge given his nap & meal times
How long have u been in Qinghai?
Jillian, so glad to hear that Ally's op went smoothly
Stay healthy, happy & strong because she needs u!
How long have u been in Qinghai?
Jillian, so glad to hear that Ally's op went smoothly
oh i need some help..
anyone know of a super duper baby moisturizer?
turns out Ash has sensitive skin.. dry skin..etc
and has eczema on her toe.. which looks all dry and crackly.. PD said buy aa GOOT moisturizer
suggestions?
oh easiyo.. mango flavour is better thn strawberry
anyone know of a super duper baby moisturizer?
turns out Ash has sensitive skin.. dry skin..etc
and has eczema on her toe.. which looks all dry and crackly.. PD said buy aa GOOT moisturizer
suggestions?
oh easiyo.. mango flavour is better thn strawberry
We've all seen them: the out-of-control toddler hurling handfuls of sand at the park; the whiny-voiced 3-year-old begging for candy in the grocery line; the sassy 7-year-old yelling "you can't make me!" at the restaurant. And we've privately dissed their parents, reassuring ourselves that we'd never be such a wimp if our child was terrorizing the playground or disrupting everyone's dinner. But then it happens: the massive meltdown that takes you completely by surprise. And suddenly you are that parent — the one flailing to figure out what to do. The truth is, every child presents discipline challenges at every age, and it's up to us to figure out how to handle them.
Why is discipline such a big dilemma? Because it feels like a tightrope act. On one side there's the peril of permissiveness — no one wants to raise a brat. On the other side there's the fear of over-control — who wants to be the hardliner raising cowed, sullen kids? What we need is a comfortable middle ground to ensure that our little ones grow up to be respectful, caring, and well behaved.
First, the ground rules
To set the stage for discipline success, here are the bottom-line rules many experts agree on:
1. We're all in this together. Right from the start, teach your kids that your family is a mutual support system, meaning that everyone pitches in. Even a baby can learn to "help" you lift her by reaching out her arms, says Madelyn Swift, founder and director of Childright and author of Discipline for Life, Getting It Right With Children.
2. Respect is mutual. One of the most common complaints parents and kids have about each other is "You're not listening." Set a good example early on: When your child tries to tell you something, stop what you're doing, focus your attention, and listen. Later you can require the same courtesy from her.
3. Consistency is king. One good way to raise a child with emotional strength? Be consistent and unwavering about rules and chores, says Harvard professor Dan Kindlon, author of Too Much of a Good Thing. Even if you pick just one chore to insist on, your child will be better off, Kindlon says. "Being firm and consistent teaches your child that you care enough about him to expect responsible behavior."
4. Life's not always fair. We're so afraid of disappointing or upsetting our kids — too afraid, say some discipline pros. "If a child never experiences the pain of frustration — of having to share a toy or wait their turn in line — or if they're never sad or disappointed, they won't develop psychological skills that are crucial for their future happiness," says Kindlon. So if your child's upset because a younger sibling got a different punishment, for example, it's okay to say "I understand that this seems unfair to you, and I'm sorry you're upset, but life isn't always fair."
The tools: Babies, toddlers, and up
A disclaimer: These tools aren't guaranteed to work every time, and none of them will be right for every parent and child. But they will give you options — and what parent doesn't need more to choose from in his or her personal bag of tricks?
Tool: Lavish love
Age: Birth to 12 months (and beyond!)
How it works: It's easy to wonder whether you're giving in when you pick your baby up for the umpteenth time. Is it time to start setting limits? Not yet, say the pros. Responding to your baby's needs won't make her overly demanding or "spoiled." "It's impossible to spoil or overindulge a baby," says Kathryn Kvols, an expert who teaches parenting workshops on discipline and development.
In fact, the opposite is true: By giving your child as much love and attention as possible now, you're helping her become a well-adjusted and well-behaved person. "Your baby is developing trust in her parents, and she does that by knowing that you'll be there to meet her needs," Kvols says.
That trust means that in the long run your child will feel more secure and less anxious, knowing that you take her wants and needs seriously. She'll have confidence in you later, when it's time to set boundaries and lay down rules, and understand that you love her even when you correct her.
Real-life application: Your 4-month-old is crying even though you nursed her a half-hour ago. Your mother-in-law says to let her cry it out. Wrong, say experts: By crying she's telling you she needs something, even if you don't know what it is. Try walking with her, nursing her again, or singing to her. She needs to know you'll be there for her, even if all that's wrong is that she wants to be held.
Tool: Remove and substitute
Age: 6 to 18 months
How it works: Like the rest of us, young children learn by doing — so when your baby throws his bowl of peas off the highchair tray, it's because he's curious to see what will happen, not because he wants to upset you or mess up your clean kitchen floor.
That said, you don't have to stand by while your child does something you don't like. And you definitely don't want to stand by if your little one's grabbing for something dangerous. Take the object away or physically move your baby away from it. Then give him a safe, less-messy or less-destructive alternative. "Substituting something else will prevent a meltdown," Kvols says.
Make sure you explain what you're doing to your child, even if he's too young to really understand. You're teaching a fundamental discipline lesson — that some behaviors aren't acceptable, and that you'll be redirecting him when necessary.
Real-life application: Your 8-month-old keeps grabbing your favorite necklace and chewing on the beads. Instead of letting him, or continuing to pull it out of his hands, unclasp the necklace and put it aside, explaining simply that your jewelry is not for chewing. Then hand your baby a teething ring or another chewable toy and say, "This is fine to chew on."
Tool: Right wrongs together
Age: 12 to 24 months
How it works: Going back to the peas example above — there's a difference between a baby who playfully throws her bowl to the floor and a young toddler who knows she's creating a mess for Mommy or Daddy to clean up.
That turning point happens when your child becomes capable of knowing when she's doing something she's not supposed to, often around her first birthday. "When she looks at you with that glint in her eye and then drops the peas, you know it's time to do something." says expert Madelyn Swift. What you do, says Swift, is start teaching the concept of taking responsibility for her actions.
Real-life application: Your toddler's made a mess under her highchair. Lift her up, set her on the floor, and ask her to hand you some peas so she's "helping" you take care of it. Talk to her about what you're doing: "Okay, we made a mess with the peas so we have to clean it up." Then put her back in her chair and give her something else to eat, or end the meal.
Tool: Emphasize the positive
Age: 12 months and up
How it works: This one's easy: Tell your child when you like how he's behaving, rather than speaking up only when he's doing something wrong. "It takes a bit of practice to get in the habit of rewarding good behavior rather than punishing bad, but it's more effective in the end," says Ruth Peters, a clinical psychologist in Clearwater, Florida, and author of Don't Be Afraid to Discipline and other books.
Real-life application: It's nap time, a potential battle zone with your sometimes resistant toddler. Head it off by praising even small steps: "It's so great that you stopped playing with your blocks when I asked you to. That means we have extra time and can read a story. If you lie down right away, we'll have even more time and can read two stories." Keep praising each improvement he makes in his nap time routine, and make it worth his while with rewards such as stories or songs.
Tool: Ask for your child's help
Age: 12 months to 8 years
How it works: Researchers know something parents may not: Kids come into the world programmed to be helpful and cooperative. All we have to do as parents is take advantage of this natural tendency. "Kids are innately wired to want to cooperate," says Kathryn Kvols. "A lot of times we parents just don't notice this because we don't expect children to be helpful."
A 2006 study backs up this idea: Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology discovered that toddlers as young as 18 months already have full-fledged qualities of altruism and cooperation. The way they demonstrated this was simple. A researcher would "struggle" to hang up a towel with a clothespin or stack up a pile of books. When he dropped the clothespin or tipped the books over, the toddlers would race to pick up the clothespin and hand it back, or restack the books. But when the researcher made the same mistakes without struggling — that is, without looking like he needed help — the toddlers didn't budge. They understood what it meant to be helpful.
Get your child involved in daily tasks around the house so she learns that everybody works together. "I recommend that parents find things their children can do, whether it's washing vegetables, feeding the dog, or sorting laundry," Kvols says. "You're teaching your child to be helpful, which is one of the most important life skills. We've found time and again that the people who are most mentally healthy are those who've learned to be of service to others."
While this may not sound like a discipline strategy, just wait: If you've taught your child to be cooperative, you can call on this quality when you need it. For example, giving your toddler a "job" to do can defuse some of the most common tantrum-provoking situations. Kathryn Kvols put this to use when her son, Tyler, refused to get into his car seat. She made him "boss of the seatbelts" — he had to make sure everyone in the car was buckled in before the driver could start the car. The battle over the car seat was over.
Real-life application: Let's take the grocery store aisle, site of infamous meltdowns. When your child wriggles to get out of the cart, you can hold up a box of raisins and say: "I need to get food for us to eat, and I need you to help me." Then hand him the box and let him drop it behind him into the cart. You can also ask him to be your "lookout" and help you spot certain favorite foods on the shelf.
Tool: Manage anger
Age: 12 to 24 months
How it works: Toddlers are tantrum-prone because they're not yet able to control their emotions, experts say. "Tantrums aren't really a discipline issue, they're about anger management," says Madelyn Swift. "Tantrums happen when kids don't get their way and they're mad."
Step one in this situation is to let your child calm down in whatever way works best for her. If she'll let you hold her, hug and rock her until she's quiet. If touching her only sets her off again, give her space to calm down by herself.
Don't try to talk to her about what happened until she's over the emotional storm, Swift says. But once it's over, don't let relief prevent you from addressing what happened. Instead, replay the tape and return to the scene of the crime. It's time to fix whatever mistakes were made.
Real-life application: Your toddler didn't want to get dressed and threw a fit, hurling toy cars around the room. Once she's stable, take her back to the toy cars and calmly but firmly tell her it's time to pick them up. If the task seems too daunting, split it up. Point to one pile of cars and say, "You pick up these cars and I'll pick up the ones over there." Stay there until your toddler has finished her portion of the job.
If she refuses and has another tantrum, the cycle repeats itself. But wait longer for her to settle down this time, and make sure she knows you mean business. Then back to the cars you go.
Tool: Talk toddler-ese
Age: 12 to 24 months
How it works: The secret to getting your toddler to do what's right — or to stop doing what he shouldn't — can be as simple as communicating in a way he can truly understand. Pediatrician Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block, tells parents to view their toddler as a "little Neanderthal" and talk to him as such. In other words, get down to his "primitive" level and keep it really, really simple.
Karp calls his communication strategy The Fast Food Rule because you're basically operating like a drive-through cashier: You repeat back the order, then name the price. Use short phrases with lots of repetition, gestures, and emotion to show your child that you get what's going on in his head.
Real-life application: Your toddler yanks a truck out of his friend's hands. Instead of plopping him down in a time-out or trying to explain why what he did was wrong — both strategies that assume your child's more sophisticated than he is — take a few minutes to echo what he seems to be thinking and feeling back to him: "You want the truck."
Validating your child's feelings will help him settle down, and once he's calm enough to listen, you can deliver your discipline message. But again, give him the stripped-down version: "No grab, no grab, it's Max's turn." Note: This may feel silly at first, but it will work.
Tool: Listen to "no"
Age: 12 to 36 months
How it works: "No" is one of the first words many kids learn to say, and it almost immediately becomes the one they say most often. As parents know, the constant negativity and refusals can get a little tiresome. Strange as it may sound, one way to prevent "the endless no's" is to try and take "no" seriously when your child says it. After all, we all have a tendency to repeat ourselves when we don't think people are listening, right?
Real-life application: Your toddler's running around in a dirty diaper, but she refuses to stop and let you change it. "Start by asking if she wants her diaper changed, and if she says no, say okay and let it go for a while," says Kvols. Wait 15 minutes and ask again, and if you get another no, wait again.
Usually by the third time you ask, discomfort will have set in and you'll get a yes. And knowing that saying no carries some weight will stop your child from saying it automatically. "The more you respect their no, the less often they use it," Kvols says.
Why is discipline such a big dilemma? Because it feels like a tightrope act. On one side there's the peril of permissiveness — no one wants to raise a brat. On the other side there's the fear of over-control — who wants to be the hardliner raising cowed, sullen kids? What we need is a comfortable middle ground to ensure that our little ones grow up to be respectful, caring, and well behaved.
First, the ground rules
To set the stage for discipline success, here are the bottom-line rules many experts agree on:
1. We're all in this together. Right from the start, teach your kids that your family is a mutual support system, meaning that everyone pitches in. Even a baby can learn to "help" you lift her by reaching out her arms, says Madelyn Swift, founder and director of Childright and author of Discipline for Life, Getting It Right With Children.
2. Respect is mutual. One of the most common complaints parents and kids have about each other is "You're not listening." Set a good example early on: When your child tries to tell you something, stop what you're doing, focus your attention, and listen. Later you can require the same courtesy from her.
3. Consistency is king. One good way to raise a child with emotional strength? Be consistent and unwavering about rules and chores, says Harvard professor Dan Kindlon, author of Too Much of a Good Thing. Even if you pick just one chore to insist on, your child will be better off, Kindlon says. "Being firm and consistent teaches your child that you care enough about him to expect responsible behavior."
4. Life's not always fair. We're so afraid of disappointing or upsetting our kids — too afraid, say some discipline pros. "If a child never experiences the pain of frustration — of having to share a toy or wait their turn in line — or if they're never sad or disappointed, they won't develop psychological skills that are crucial for their future happiness," says Kindlon. So if your child's upset because a younger sibling got a different punishment, for example, it's okay to say "I understand that this seems unfair to you, and I'm sorry you're upset, but life isn't always fair."
The tools: Babies, toddlers, and up
A disclaimer: These tools aren't guaranteed to work every time, and none of them will be right for every parent and child. But they will give you options — and what parent doesn't need more to choose from in his or her personal bag of tricks?
Tool: Lavish love
Age: Birth to 12 months (and beyond!)
How it works: It's easy to wonder whether you're giving in when you pick your baby up for the umpteenth time. Is it time to start setting limits? Not yet, say the pros. Responding to your baby's needs won't make her overly demanding or "spoiled." "It's impossible to spoil or overindulge a baby," says Kathryn Kvols, an expert who teaches parenting workshops on discipline and development.
In fact, the opposite is true: By giving your child as much love and attention as possible now, you're helping her become a well-adjusted and well-behaved person. "Your baby is developing trust in her parents, and she does that by knowing that you'll be there to meet her needs," Kvols says.
That trust means that in the long run your child will feel more secure and less anxious, knowing that you take her wants and needs seriously. She'll have confidence in you later, when it's time to set boundaries and lay down rules, and understand that you love her even when you correct her.
Real-life application: Your 4-month-old is crying even though you nursed her a half-hour ago. Your mother-in-law says to let her cry it out. Wrong, say experts: By crying she's telling you she needs something, even if you don't know what it is. Try walking with her, nursing her again, or singing to her. She needs to know you'll be there for her, even if all that's wrong is that she wants to be held.
Tool: Remove and substitute
Age: 6 to 18 months
How it works: Like the rest of us, young children learn by doing — so when your baby throws his bowl of peas off the highchair tray, it's because he's curious to see what will happen, not because he wants to upset you or mess up your clean kitchen floor.
That said, you don't have to stand by while your child does something you don't like. And you definitely don't want to stand by if your little one's grabbing for something dangerous. Take the object away or physically move your baby away from it. Then give him a safe, less-messy or less-destructive alternative. "Substituting something else will prevent a meltdown," Kvols says.
Make sure you explain what you're doing to your child, even if he's too young to really understand. You're teaching a fundamental discipline lesson — that some behaviors aren't acceptable, and that you'll be redirecting him when necessary.
Real-life application: Your 8-month-old keeps grabbing your favorite necklace and chewing on the beads. Instead of letting him, or continuing to pull it out of his hands, unclasp the necklace and put it aside, explaining simply that your jewelry is not for chewing. Then hand your baby a teething ring or another chewable toy and say, "This is fine to chew on."
Tool: Right wrongs together
Age: 12 to 24 months
How it works: Going back to the peas example above — there's a difference between a baby who playfully throws her bowl to the floor and a young toddler who knows she's creating a mess for Mommy or Daddy to clean up.
That turning point happens when your child becomes capable of knowing when she's doing something she's not supposed to, often around her first birthday. "When she looks at you with that glint in her eye and then drops the peas, you know it's time to do something." says expert Madelyn Swift. What you do, says Swift, is start teaching the concept of taking responsibility for her actions.
Real-life application: Your toddler's made a mess under her highchair. Lift her up, set her on the floor, and ask her to hand you some peas so she's "helping" you take care of it. Talk to her about what you're doing: "Okay, we made a mess with the peas so we have to clean it up." Then put her back in her chair and give her something else to eat, or end the meal.
Tool: Emphasize the positive
Age: 12 months and up
How it works: This one's easy: Tell your child when you like how he's behaving, rather than speaking up only when he's doing something wrong. "It takes a bit of practice to get in the habit of rewarding good behavior rather than punishing bad, but it's more effective in the end," says Ruth Peters, a clinical psychologist in Clearwater, Florida, and author of Don't Be Afraid to Discipline and other books.
Real-life application: It's nap time, a potential battle zone with your sometimes resistant toddler. Head it off by praising even small steps: "It's so great that you stopped playing with your blocks when I asked you to. That means we have extra time and can read a story. If you lie down right away, we'll have even more time and can read two stories." Keep praising each improvement he makes in his nap time routine, and make it worth his while with rewards such as stories or songs.
Tool: Ask for your child's help
Age: 12 months to 8 years
How it works: Researchers know something parents may not: Kids come into the world programmed to be helpful and cooperative. All we have to do as parents is take advantage of this natural tendency. "Kids are innately wired to want to cooperate," says Kathryn Kvols. "A lot of times we parents just don't notice this because we don't expect children to be helpful."
A 2006 study backs up this idea: Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology discovered that toddlers as young as 18 months already have full-fledged qualities of altruism and cooperation. The way they demonstrated this was simple. A researcher would "struggle" to hang up a towel with a clothespin or stack up a pile of books. When he dropped the clothespin or tipped the books over, the toddlers would race to pick up the clothespin and hand it back, or restack the books. But when the researcher made the same mistakes without struggling — that is, without looking like he needed help — the toddlers didn't budge. They understood what it meant to be helpful.
Get your child involved in daily tasks around the house so she learns that everybody works together. "I recommend that parents find things their children can do, whether it's washing vegetables, feeding the dog, or sorting laundry," Kvols says. "You're teaching your child to be helpful, which is one of the most important life skills. We've found time and again that the people who are most mentally healthy are those who've learned to be of service to others."
While this may not sound like a discipline strategy, just wait: If you've taught your child to be cooperative, you can call on this quality when you need it. For example, giving your toddler a "job" to do can defuse some of the most common tantrum-provoking situations. Kathryn Kvols put this to use when her son, Tyler, refused to get into his car seat. She made him "boss of the seatbelts" — he had to make sure everyone in the car was buckled in before the driver could start the car. The battle over the car seat was over.
Real-life application: Let's take the grocery store aisle, site of infamous meltdowns. When your child wriggles to get out of the cart, you can hold up a box of raisins and say: "I need to get food for us to eat, and I need you to help me." Then hand him the box and let him drop it behind him into the cart. You can also ask him to be your "lookout" and help you spot certain favorite foods on the shelf.
Tool: Manage anger
Age: 12 to 24 months
How it works: Toddlers are tantrum-prone because they're not yet able to control their emotions, experts say. "Tantrums aren't really a discipline issue, they're about anger management," says Madelyn Swift. "Tantrums happen when kids don't get their way and they're mad."
Step one in this situation is to let your child calm down in whatever way works best for her. If she'll let you hold her, hug and rock her until she's quiet. If touching her only sets her off again, give her space to calm down by herself.
Don't try to talk to her about what happened until she's over the emotional storm, Swift says. But once it's over, don't let relief prevent you from addressing what happened. Instead, replay the tape and return to the scene of the crime. It's time to fix whatever mistakes were made.
Real-life application: Your toddler didn't want to get dressed and threw a fit, hurling toy cars around the room. Once she's stable, take her back to the toy cars and calmly but firmly tell her it's time to pick them up. If the task seems too daunting, split it up. Point to one pile of cars and say, "You pick up these cars and I'll pick up the ones over there." Stay there until your toddler has finished her portion of the job.
If she refuses and has another tantrum, the cycle repeats itself. But wait longer for her to settle down this time, and make sure she knows you mean business. Then back to the cars you go.
Tool: Talk toddler-ese
Age: 12 to 24 months
How it works: The secret to getting your toddler to do what's right — or to stop doing what he shouldn't — can be as simple as communicating in a way he can truly understand. Pediatrician Harvey Karp, author of The Happiest Toddler on the Block, tells parents to view their toddler as a "little Neanderthal" and talk to him as such. In other words, get down to his "primitive" level and keep it really, really simple.
Karp calls his communication strategy The Fast Food Rule because you're basically operating like a drive-through cashier: You repeat back the order, then name the price. Use short phrases with lots of repetition, gestures, and emotion to show your child that you get what's going on in his head.
Real-life application: Your toddler yanks a truck out of his friend's hands. Instead of plopping him down in a time-out or trying to explain why what he did was wrong — both strategies that assume your child's more sophisticated than he is — take a few minutes to echo what he seems to be thinking and feeling back to him: "You want the truck."
Validating your child's feelings will help him settle down, and once he's calm enough to listen, you can deliver your discipline message. But again, give him the stripped-down version: "No grab, no grab, it's Max's turn." Note: This may feel silly at first, but it will work.
Tool: Listen to "no"
Age: 12 to 36 months
How it works: "No" is one of the first words many kids learn to say, and it almost immediately becomes the one they say most often. As parents know, the constant negativity and refusals can get a little tiresome. Strange as it may sound, one way to prevent "the endless no's" is to try and take "no" seriously when your child says it. After all, we all have a tendency to repeat ourselves when we don't think people are listening, right?
Real-life application: Your toddler's running around in a dirty diaper, but she refuses to stop and let you change it. "Start by asking if she wants her diaper changed, and if she says no, say okay and let it go for a while," says Kvols. Wait 15 minutes and ask again, and if you get another no, wait again.
Usually by the third time you ask, discomfort will have set in and you'll get a yes. And knowing that saying no carries some weight will stop your child from saying it automatically. "The more you respect their no, the less often they use it," Kvols says.
jules, susu im so sorry to hear what you gals went through last night. Poor babies!!
I really hope today will much better for them and you girls! Hang in there mummies!! HUUUGSS!!!
katgrrl aiyah that time i chanced upon this forum for singaporeans living in china..but i didnt keep the website address. tried to find it just now but cant lei. arrrgg..maybe you can try google search?
katgrrl aiyah that time i chanced upon this forum for singaporeans living in china..but i didnt keep the website address. tried to find it just now but cant lei. arrrgg..maybe you can try google search?
<font color="0000ff">hi all mummies & babies, long time no post here... have been quite busy with work and two kids at home. and this thread is moving real fast...
saw many baby pics here... all are so cute!!
<font color="ff0000">irene</font>
i like the letters designed by you... so nice... now i'm so tempted to sign up with foto u. may need your help/idea to create the beautiful letters for my girls... i'm not a very creative person
hmm... some babies are not feeling well huh... mummies don forget to take care of yourself when taking care of the little ones... we mummies gotta be tough...
ok now will try to read up</font>
saw many baby pics here... all are so cute!!
<font color="ff0000">irene</font>
i like the letters designed by you... so nice... now i'm so tempted to sign up with foto u. may need your help/idea to create the beautiful letters for my girls... i'm not a very creative person
hmm... some babies are not feeling well huh... mummies don forget to take care of yourself when taking care of the little ones... we mummies gotta be tough...
ok now will try to read up</font>
oooo I would like to give a shout out to a <font size="+2">lurker</font> out there! <font size="+2">HELLO!!!</font> You who are serving your notice at work and told my hubs that you'll join us once you become a SAHM. Eh, join now and later, got difference ah? COME COME DONT BE SHY!
hi guys, had a bad night. on top of her cough (which is getting worse), poor thing kept vomiting (from excessive coughing) and had diarrhea 3 times this morning already. cant retain much milk or medicines and doesnt want to drink water either. what goes in comes out (literally!!) seriously concerned abt dehydration now cos she's more lethargic. sigh.. if this continues am gonna have to admit her for a drip.
Oh jules
, poor xy she must be feeling horrid too. No no no, she wont be admitted, everything will be fine. I pray that XY will drink her fluids and retain them well! HUUGS
<font size="+2">hooray</font> for ALly and Jillian! We're so proud of you girls la!! AWESOME AWESOME JOB!!! Ally, you are a real inspiration to all of us!
<font size="+2">hooray</font> for ALly and Jillian! We're so proud of you girls la!! AWESOME AWESOME JOB!!! Ally, you are a real inspiration to all of us!
Jillian and Ally, happy for both of you!! take care ya...
amber, i like the bear one.. you change liao post again leh... hmm.. thanks for the article, i've been thinking how to discipline him when i see others behave in shopping mall..i was like.. will he behave in this way!!
irene, my hb like them too.. but he like 'u did that??' i tell him no la.. you are the one that help us along.. then he say oh i know you cant do without help!! hee
thanks again leh...so proud of myself *geez*
Jules, how is xy now... you takecare too!!
amber, i like the bear one.. you change liao post again leh... hmm.. thanks for the article, i've been thinking how to discipline him when i see others behave in shopping mall..i was like.. will he behave in this way!!
irene, my hb like them too.. but he like 'u did that??' i tell him no la.. you are the one that help us along.. then he say oh i know you cant do without help!! hee
thanks again leh...so proud of myself *geez*
Jules, how is xy now... you takecare too!!