not to harp on the whole "praise" topic or repeat what Berry already said, but when i read the section on "praise" in the book, the points that stuck out to me that made me understand and accept the rationale behind NOT praising are:
1. With the concept of "good" comes the concept of "bad".
2. Kid will need to be praised to feel good about themselves.
The thing is, before reading that I really did praise excessively. Since then, I've caught myself when about to say "Oh, that's very good going up the stairs by yourself" or "Good boy for drinking all your water". I think Ethan must be thinking, I'm just doing something normal, what's so good about it? Even if I'm not thirsty, I have to drink all my water to be a good boy? (So Yuru, if you think u've been "lousy" then I've been absolute rubbish..) So now I'm trying to "cut down".
What the book recommends is to use "acknowledgement" instead of praise, which I suppose would be along the lines of "You went up the stairs by yourself didn't you?" or "You drank all your water! You must have been thirsty!"
Like I said, I won't cut out praise completely, simply because it's so widespread. I don't want Ethan to only ever get praised by others and wonder why Mommy doesn't ever think he's good or clever. And we hang out with other moms and kids, who obviously don't read the book and follow their principles, so they praise their own kids to high heavens; I won't want Ethan to think that Jennifer is so clever and good because her mommy thinks so, but I'm not because mommy never tells me so.
1. With the concept of "good" comes the concept of "bad".
2. Kid will need to be praised to feel good about themselves.
The thing is, before reading that I really did praise excessively. Since then, I've caught myself when about to say "Oh, that's very good going up the stairs by yourself" or "Good boy for drinking all your water". I think Ethan must be thinking, I'm just doing something normal, what's so good about it? Even if I'm not thirsty, I have to drink all my water to be a good boy? (So Yuru, if you think u've been "lousy" then I've been absolute rubbish..) So now I'm trying to "cut down".
What the book recommends is to use "acknowledgement" instead of praise, which I suppose would be along the lines of "You went up the stairs by yourself didn't you?" or "You drank all your water! You must have been thirsty!"
Like I said, I won't cut out praise completely, simply because it's so widespread. I don't want Ethan to only ever get praised by others and wonder why Mommy doesn't ever think he's good or clever. And we hang out with other moms and kids, who obviously don't read the book and follow their principles, so they praise their own kids to high heavens; I won't want Ethan to think that Jennifer is so clever and good because her mommy thinks so, but I'm not because mommy never tells me so.
