Yes we can talk to you
Support group for wives with unfaithful husbands
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For the past two mths, he has been coming back in wee hours n most of the time he is reek with alcohol.. he always claim he is out with his guy frenz.. I know he is troubled but he couldn’t tell me what is it.. he is those type when he don’t tell means he will forever keep his mouth shut.. our rs really took a downturn n I keep crying as he just won’t talk to me n always come back very late.. ask him not to go but he won’t be bother by you.. even if u tear he has no reaction.. u can text him but he don’t reply
I found some receipt and is always at those pubs which I believe is those sleazy type.. when I asked him he always said he just out drinking with frenz and confirmed there is no other ladies.. well while he was sleeping I checked his wallet and found a hotel card key.. before i showed him I questioned him again and asked if he ever went to some hotels and I even said the hotel name but he can blatantly said no.. in the end I just show him the hotel card so that he can’t deny anymore.. he didn’t explained anything and just asked me do I want to D.. this is not the first time to be frank..
I believe anyone will ask me to D for sure.. he used to be a nice guy and I have no ideas y have he become like this.. his current frenz is shit and only knows how to borrow money.. all this daily drink meals etc I believe is all paid by my HB.. anyway I don’t know how to trust him for now cos is very difficult to build back the trust again
I submitted online enquiry for D and now waiting for them to call me back.. when I told him I agreed to D, he asked me is it decided? What else can I do.. told me he be back early but in the end still did not keep his promise.. when I told him abt the D and the reason I be filing, this is the first time I saw him crying n breakdown and asked me if I m really going to D? he asked me can we don’t D first n wait till I find a better man who loves me then we D.. he told me if we sell the house after deducting everything n if there is balance I can keep it..
in my heart I know I don’t really want to D but my mind tells me I have to let it go
I found some receipt and is always at those pubs which I believe is those sleazy type.. when I asked him he always said he just out drinking with frenz and confirmed there is no other ladies.. well while he was sleeping I checked his wallet and found a hotel card key.. before i showed him I questioned him again and asked if he ever went to some hotels and I even said the hotel name but he can blatantly said no.. in the end I just show him the hotel card so that he can’t deny anymore.. he didn’t explained anything and just asked me do I want to D.. this is not the first time to be frank..
I believe anyone will ask me to D for sure.. he used to be a nice guy and I have no ideas y have he become like this.. his current frenz is shit and only knows how to borrow money.. all this daily drink meals etc I believe is all paid by my HB.. anyway I don’t know how to trust him for now cos is very difficult to build back the trust again
I submitted online enquiry for D and now waiting for them to call me back.. when I told him I agreed to D, he asked me is it decided? What else can I do.. told me he be back early but in the end still did not keep his promise.. when I told him abt the D and the reason I be filing, this is the first time I saw him crying n breakdown and asked me if I m really going to D? he asked me can we don’t D first n wait till I find a better man who loves me then we D.. he told me if we sell the house after deducting everything n if there is balance I can keep it..
in my heart I know I don’t really want to D but my mind tells me I have to let it go
ZiYan...sorry to hear your plight. Sigh...the damaged done to your gal is forever casted into her innocent mind & memory just like
what happen to mine girl also. Just a word of advise, don't get con by lawyers & PI. They are on the prowl for victims like us. Be aware by reading up and do your own findings.
Gladijo. Actually I didn't wan to highlight.
U are actually the PI that is helping your boyfriend calvin to promote his service here in the forum.
Both of you work in a motor car workshop and the company listed both of your contact number.
Here u tell people not to look for PI, behind u recommend your own boyfriend.
Pls pls don't be unscrupulous. If u wan prove. I can put here online
U are actually the PI that is helping your boyfriend calvin to promote his service here in the forum.
Both of you work in a motor car workshop and the company listed both of your contact number.
Here u tell people not to look for PI, behind u recommend your own boyfriend.
Pls pls don't be unscrupulous. If u wan prove. I can put here online
Need some advice. I suspect HB of texting maybe even affair with someone in the last 3 months. Previously I can see his use of phone is watching vid. Horizontal holding. Never turn phone away from me. Now mostly I see him holding phone is texting someone. Everytime I come near I can see him subtly tilting the phone away from me. Or off screen.
Twice I bio the phone sideways and saw him texting someone with a wallpaper pic of a makeup pretty face. Is it I so lucky both times I saw same person or there's something else? Twice I also found he closed the room door to make vid calls? to a woman at like 1am. I slp 1 room with baby and he slps another room. I can't really hear the convo but I can hear it's a woman he's talking to cos it's on speaker.
He is home every night but sometimes work late till 10pm. So now I also dunno it's real work or not. At home he is always holding onto the phone and sleep with phone next to him.
I feel like checking his phone while he's asleep but scared I will breakdown if it's confirmed.
Twice I bio the phone sideways and saw him texting someone with a wallpaper pic of a makeup pretty face. Is it I so lucky both times I saw same person or there's something else? Twice I also found he closed the room door to make vid calls? to a woman at like 1am. I slp 1 room with baby and he slps another room. I can't really hear the convo but I can hear it's a woman he's talking to cos it's on speaker.
He is home every night but sometimes work late till 10pm. So now I also dunno it's real work or not. At home he is always holding onto the phone and sleep with phone next to him.
I feel like checking his phone while he's asleep but scared I will breakdown if it's confirmed.
Fated...it's sad you are making personal attack because
you couldn't get what you want. You have concluded a very vital point here and
I'm truly glad you had shown me. You see , Fate, IF i had intention I would have
make it and as my mentor always say, nobody is appreciative so don't bother to
have a heart, cut them or you will regret.
People like you just want to get what they want, listen to what they
wish to hear, get support and get everything Free without paying a cent for any
service. I discourage those who come to me for PI and try counselling them. Calvin
always tell people the truth and not what they want to hear. I guess the truth
cut you. We don't need this money...we don't need this bothersome odd hours jobs
earning pennies from sad mummies. We have our bread & butter business why
bother. I bother because I have a heart but you have proven my mentor words
true.
Thank you for your enlightenment and hope I don't see you in court on my
volunteer days.
If u really good hearted then by all means.
But obviously u are working with the PI.
Come on la, which PI don't work to earn money, do PI for free?
If u are not involved how u know what your partner CALVIN say n do in his PI work.
U proclaim he is good and other not real. Hahaha.
Anyway both of u are closely, it's not right to do this.
Tell me where u volunteering in court I will complain to them of your motive.
It's conflict of interest
But obviously u are working with the PI.
Come on la, which PI don't work to earn money, do PI for free?
If u are not involved how u know what your partner CALVIN say n do in his PI work.
U proclaim he is good and other not real. Hahaha.
Anyway both of u are closely, it's not right to do this.
Tell me where u volunteering in court I will complain to them of your motive.
It's conflict of interest
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It’s up to you cuz after six months you cannot use this reason to divorce anymore. The court will deem that you accepted his behavior. you need to be very clear why you want n don’t want to divorce.
If you cannot accept the betrayal, I suggest you divorce cuz it’s your problem that you cannot accept. From how you written above, it seems that he quite open and even offer you a divorce.
What you are experiencing is the same as what most women here gone thru. If you cannot accept I suggest you don’t go and dig but then women being women we will still want to know. So the choice is yours
I think it's quite clear what he wan now. He can't keep his promise to be back. If he think u are important and the marriage is important then he would stop.
Y need u to find a man then divorce? Before u really be with another man, it's better u settle with him on divorce if not he or other will accuse u have a 3rd party then divorce your husband
From what u describe I think very likely he have an affair. U yourself know but doesn't wan to admit it. Hence u wan to find out more in case it's a misunderstanding.
Very important now is how you wan your life to be in the future to decide the next step u take
Raspberry38
Member
Hmmm, how about sleeping together in the same room ? Why separate ? If he objects violently, then ask what is wrong with him ? Need not have to keep guessing. That is not healthy. Is there a consistent lack of communication between the two of you ?
Hi Jane
Thanks for the reply. I casually informed my husband that I read an article of bisexual and their double lives. He kept quiet and than I asked him I found some weird websites history in his tablet. He still deny and brush me off.
I have already gotten information on his affairs. I went to the extend to set up fake accounts to chat with those male home wreckers. They are simply disgusting. Please refer to the uploaded files.
1) The first guy is call Tom Heksen. He text my husband for sex and sent his nude pics to my hubby.
2) The second guy is call Clarence Lee. Malaysian turn SG citizen recently He text my husband for fun too.
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Hi Jane
I would love to have a heart to heart talk with my husband but I find it hard to confront him. I love him alot and we are married for 22 years. Out of this 22 years, I wonder how many affairs he had with other guys.
Recently, I discovered this new guy who is married and always texting my husband for blowjobs and cuddles. I also created an account to chat with him. He has met my husband for hotel fun and is addicted to my husband. They are constantly meeting for lunches and quick kisses and hugs at shopping mall toilets around Dhoby Ghaut, Sommerset, Suntec City, The Cathy Building, Sunshine Plaza at Bencoolen Street and areas around Bras Brasah.
Its very heart wrenching and sad to go through such exercise to dig my husband's dirt and affairs.
The reason why I posted pics of these Male Home Wreckers is that I dont want the rest of the sisters here to suffer the humiliation like me.
My parents love my husband alot and I cant tell my siblings or close friends. I am bottling all these is my heart. Yesterday, i just measured myself, I dropped another 3 kg.
Emotionally sad
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BETTER TOMORROW
New Member
I feel if he still denying means he still wan the family and still wan to have fun outside.
U should do more to stop him and make him admit to the affair outside.
And if really necessary get a PI to help u get the evidence
I’m a PR and my husband is a Singaporean. Today, i randomly checked his phone and found out that he’s engaging in a ‘massage parlor’. I’m not so sure if he went there already or just booked an appt. I have all the evidence of the time he contact the number and also i found out that the number belongs to a PRC that do those sexual services that can search from the internet. It’s not his first time to do this last time with Thai, Viet etc. We’re having a 2nd child and we’re getting a house next year. I don’t know if i just accept it or separatehim. He knows that i know but still acting blur and trying to change the topic to make me the one who’s at fault. What to do? We’re young couple so i feel that it’s better to divorce that stay in this kind of relationship.
My husband will not admit it whatever it takes he will revert the problem to me that i always started this kind of nonsense.
My husband will not admit it whatever it takes he will revert the problem to me that i always started this kind of nonsense.
Well all cheaters are the same. You just have to know what you want. You can accept or move on. perhaps you let us know your decision then we will tell you on next steps.
Mother of 2x
New Member
I’m being cheated too.. almost found out 2yrs, and their relationship been 3yrs, they was Colleagues, now that woman finally resigned cause most of their colleagues knew abt their affair, but he denied when confronted by HR.
It’s too many reason for me to stay on, mainly for kids, secondly I’m still love him and this family, I’m so grateful every good thing happened to me, I have 2 lovely kids, house, job, Friend, family.. even I’m still thinking of fate bring us tgt, my thoughts almost every marriage been thru a storm in order to get stronger marriage, Why would I give up easily?
To leave him, once in awhile it will come to my mind when he lied, trying to do thing at my back, his hurting word, and he easily get emotional over a small issue to me.. his easily get influenced by her who is experienced being other ppl Mistress for the past 10yrs, she knw exactly what marriage man who been in Long marriage without excitement, burden and stressful life.. can ur imagine how my life have a shadow of her in between my Husband..
Over his affair, he affected the most in term of mentally, work performance, and disrespect from ppl who knw his affair cause he use to be “good Husband” in front of many ppl. He can’t function well his work and personal life, yet he still want to whole both sides as he thought he can handle well, in fact he can’t..
Ever read those successful marriage who been an affair, they use to stay on and show support towards affair spouse, I hope I’m part of them..
I strongly believe in my patience and my sincere, my love and my effort could turn him back, as I can feel him he is so adopt to our kids and this family.. slowly I get to know all man are same, they will end up turn back to his family cause he knw wive always are different with the other.
By saying above, I hope I’m not confuse u all, but I just want to know how u look at my situation? Do u think is worth to stay?
Mother of 2x
New Member
Thanks Eppy for ur reply...
Both we can really live normal like nothing happen if I didn’t trigger him, he still cares, paying the expenses, come home every night.. he still show concern, care towards this family n me.. sometimes, during an argument, I can sense he is struggle too, he even told me, he like out of his control, he can’t just live without responsible..it affected his job where giving him lots of opportunity since he is junior till now to management level, not sure does the karma happened now to him, cause alot of bad thing happened, bosses start doubts on his performance, Colleagues complaints abt his cooperative, he didn’t earn respect from
ppl around him, even his family member too..
He characteristics always to thought ppl caused him for that situation, when come to decision, he fear to do so.
Had seen all the emails, messages between them, she act like hers is really a “true love” compared mine, she even drafted him a comparison between her and myself, cause he want to break off with her, she always tempted him as she knw his weakness.. Reason I don’t want to give up my marriage that easy to this kind of woman as she used to be other marriage man mistress for the past 10yrs still didn’t learnt a lesson, still continuing be a victim in this relationship..Speechless!
Lastly, looking at my 2 lovely kids, I can’t bear to see them suffer, being taken away what should belongs to them.. I can’t afforb to see them without Father as I use to lack with Father’s love since born, that’s become why am I can’t leave him which he used to gave me the security..
Doesn’t mean once you are divorced, the kids are deprived of father’s love. He will still get to see the children and fulfilled his duties. Divorce doesn’t mean Kids will suffer forever. My kid initially couldn’t get used to it but after years. My kid actually told me this - Mummy you are happier n stronger.
I think ultimately it’s up to you.
There are options - it doesn’t mean it’s dead end.
Hi,
I m also facing this issue now. Checked my Hubbi phone and found out tat he is having a woman n communicate via WeChat last week.
My heart sunk to the bottom. I did not get angry with him, was very sad n heartbroken.
1st thing I ask him if he can break off with her, he say cannot. N then decide to leave me n 2 kids.
I begged him and ask him to stay and return to us.
Yes now he return to us, but not leaving tat woman. He say he is only returning back to us as role of father, but no feelings towards me. And told me tat the woman is very nice and know tat he had a family and did not ask him to divorce with me too.
He say tat he is unhappy with me, he felt unhappy with me.
I told him I will change for the better and prove to him. But he refuse to think tat I will change. Hence I m trying to change my temper n others bad points to show my sincere.
Now we are just like normal but he just got no feeling for me. Which make me very sad.
I am telling myself to give him more time hopefully he can return to me. After all we been together for 14 years.
But he keep telling me, dun pin any hope on him if he dun love me anymore.
I just keeping telling myself, so long he coming back home and Care for the kids can Le. Actually it deceiving myself but wat to do... I choose this path.
It still very painful for me as this only happen like last week.
Mother of 2x
New Member
Sad to hear that baby_yun..
Am like u too, begging him, because this reaction he knew I can’t leave without him, he said that to me like what he said to u too, we been marriage almost the same as u 10yrs marriage, we knw each other for 15yrs.
Leaving him, I have no support for the take care my kids, with him around, at least I can have outing once in awhile, company trip freely without worry, expenses from him, share house work, travel back to Malaysia, transport.. been use to have him around this family for 10yrs. Me to him, I help to taking care of both his parents who aged of 70plus, both health condition getting weak, he now very bad relationship with slibling, almost not communicate, I was the middle man of them..
After his affair, his characteristic totally changed, he become high ego, don’t think he in wrong, always got tons of reason of his right, other party wrong or cause him in that situation. I knw him since he is so sincere, hardworking and hamper, now totally opposite.
He kept saying he know his wrong, main reason cause him today was because he too responsible..
Sometime the words from his mouth, can really drive to end this relation, cause I have temper too, I use to be so happy go lucky type, but now I’m not, ppl seeing me slim down a lot, always looks down, no more smiling face like previous, I really the type of can see my mood from face.. cause I don’t like to hide, now I learnt too, force to become calm and hold on the anger, do not action till he act, still sometime will lost control..
I even challenge/confronted him in very extreme way, that’s show how angry and how pain and how he is important to me..
I ever told myself, I will fight till the last breath, I strongly believe in Karma will work slowly on that for those ppl doing something bad..
All ladies, I hope I can give u and myself a strength to hold on if u choose the same path like me.. let’s fight till the end, let give each other the support, we will still doing a best as Wife to him and this family, one day, thing will change, he will sense, he might regret for doing such hurtful thing towards Wife who been through those tough days with him..
I hope I will by giving ur a positive energy at the same time to encourage myself too..
Thing will get better and better if we keep on putting effort, care, love to him and family.. it will work..
wendy_reborn
Active Member
It's too big a gamble.
The man is not even remorseful.
If after a few years he decided to divorce base on some unreasonable behaviour. All will be wasted.
Why wan a man who heart is no more with u. If really he love the family n children. He wouldn't risk the marriage.
The man is not even remorseful.
If after a few years he decided to divorce base on some unreasonable behaviour. All will be wasted.
Why wan a man who heart is no more with u. If really he love the family n children. He wouldn't risk the marriage.
Mother of 2x
New Member
Cause I found he potentially to keep this family and just a sick of the excitement that give from the other woman. From the record that I found from him, he seems addicted on those feeling that gave him proud like a man that sometime Wife could never gives.
He seems don’t really accept and understand life after marriage could burned off especially after having kids.. he only know he lacking of loves, attention, cares yet he is kind of don’t really know to communicate/express his inner feeling or what he exactly need from me..
After the incident happened, I got to understand he characteristics and his weakness than before, and been trying hard to change myself and always clarify with him .. but hard, still I never give up of trying.
Been study a lot of cases like him, he may not know now but he will learnt his lesson one day hopefully not too Long..
We could never find an answer whether right/wrong in the relationship, i could be wrong too, and I reflected and change, at least I try to salvage for no regret, I know clearly thing beyond control sometime.. but along the tougher way that I am, I wish I could have more positive energy to drive me thru, although I know the chance is slim..
Maybe one day it really come to end this relationship, I will know what to do if really no choice, by saying above, am also to prepare myself to the worst..
Guess most of the ladies like my situation now would really want a support and encouragement to fight for our family...
Mother of 2x
New Member
Thanks Margret, understand ur point, ever asked myself the same question too and concluded that life had taught me how to deal with the worst in order to get the best.. some may not agree and fully understand what will impact my kids and myself.. am still standing.. getting stronger..
I knw am taking risk, know exactly ur worries, impact, I know I can’t change him and I’m ready to take up the challenge and the consequences.. why?! Cause of the story of marriage life from the old couples touched me, an advise from them I’m agree and will not give up easily.. to some of u may thinking it may not apply to current century, if u are lucky, u won’t get a chance to login this forum.. if it happened, since he still pay his responsible, still yet till the extreme extend, I find he yet crossing my bottom line, still acceptable stage, i find no reason I should give up..
I appreciate every advise to me or everyone had same situation like me, don’t focus on pain, focus on what had bring u, grow u along the journey!
I think you understood this wrongly
- Years to restore the relationship between husband n wife meaning there are no third, fourth n fifth parties.
He must leave the woman first then restoration can start.
To truly have the ability to love. The first n foremost is to LOVE YOURSELF.
You can stay in the marriage for your children no problem, make sure your growth is not dependent on him, be financially stable and if possible better than him. Make sure you gain the respect you deserve.
Thanks Eppy,
I m trying to pull myself up. If he not leaving the woman, there is nothing I can do.
Yes , my bff told me to be strong too if he still choose to leave in the end.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
Y let him choose. He's the one who betray u. U should be the one to decide, not him.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
Stand your ground. If he wan a fast divorce, ask him go on your term.
Last time u say your daughter saw them in the bed together? And your husband bring them to see that women? Actually, u can't use all these to fight for care n control
Nowadays people use Wechat to cheat. I saw my husband phone and check his wechat and i saw few girls in his contacts that I know he’s flirting with. We’re young couple so i think my husband still want to explore and flirt around. I really cannot confront him that i saw it in his phone coz he always say that he needs privacy but believe me if our hubby said that to us then it means they are hiding something. Why the wives are the one who always experience betrayal with the husbands. Its like we’re the only one who really care in our family.
HuayWen
Member
Mine is more daring and uses Whatsapp to chat with the slut.And I thought he was chatting work stuff with his colleagues.
Within a year,my family is in chaos and turned upside down.
Actually i found an app that can connects my hubby whatsapps to my phone. He dont know that i can see his msgs so I can read his msgs before him. I know its too much but he made me do it.
HuayWen
Member
He purposely let you see it?
Mine knows I never check his phone and that's why he and the slut is so brazen to chat openly on WhatsApp.
Nope i download an app that connects his whatsapp to my phone without him knowing.
BETTER TOMORROW
New Member
Xhar0205 can share with me the app?
Mother of 2x
New Member
Xhar
U sure abt it? Can it be detacted by spy detacted? Better be careful, else will be more complicated.
lol
DebraC
New Member
Hi,
I would really like to help. I am a divorced single mom and have been bringing up my kids almost on my own financially and physically for the last 5 years. My eldest boy is 17, second girl is 12 (PSLE) and youngest is 11. Imagine 5 years ago had to bring them up on my own. But I choose it..... until u hear my story....
I cannot really help with an unfaithful partner, but I can advise on the worse scenario of bringing up kids own your own. I can advise on the best lawyer to fight for you if you hubby will be nasty. Women's charter is strong but u need a good lawyer to fight for u. Most lawyer won't fight for u. So if u really need to win to support kids, choose Harry Alias.
However, if you want to keep the relationship , I found this lady Esther Perel and she has a very famous talk on infidelity on TED. And I have heard numerous podcasts on how she counselled couples on the road to recovery. Since my own divorce, many women friends has stepped forward to share with me about their situations. That prompted me to read up and listen. Cos I know how hard it is to bring up children on my own.
But I have done well in the last 5 years, and I found strength to teach my kids independence, teach them to grow on their own, and more with my most affected girl. I have walked the journey with her and she has recently broken through emotionally and now she is happy every day. In fact she had offered from DSA placing for 2 schools and she thank me for planning the path for her. My Son also thank me for the journey and he also saw how DSA has opened the door. I can help in these areas.
I do not encourage couples to end their relationship. I have seen my friends stayed married but unfortunately, I have seen some parted too. I think it's really case by case and every couple has different background so it's very hard for us to tell u what's right and wrong. But I am just saying that if you can't bare it further, don't be unhappy forever. There is a way out always.
It if you like to keep the relationship, it is so important to ask him if he wants to try. And if he does, try Counselling, or Esther Perel, listen to the podcast and evaluate together. And work on it. I have advise a couple to try and they are still working on it.
I have to say after listening to hundreds of podcasts and YouTube and counselling and books, someone whose seen psychiatrist and psychologist, I have learn to understand what's the difference between a man and a woman and why we fail. Why they fail. Some times it's not the lack of feelings. Sometimes it's the lack of intimacy. Sometimes it's the lack of communication. Sometimes it's the lack of time and understanding. And so many other factors.
I can help whatever I can. Would love to fill in the gaps if you or anyone reading the chat needs.
Best regards,
Debs
Yes totally agreed so glad that it work out fine for you.
wendy_reborn
Active Member
Not every one is so fortunate.
I know of many who thought can slowly salvage the marriage but in the become worse off after being play out by the husband using delay tactics.