Yes we can talk to youI’m new in this forum but have been reading few posts on unfaithful spouse.. is the support group still available? I feeling so depressed and I dunno where to vent my frustration
Yes we can talk to youI’m new in this forum but have been reading few posts on unfaithful spouse.. is the support group still available? I feeling so depressed and I dunno where to vent my frustration
Excuses and more excuses from these men.
Gladijo. Actually I didn't wan to highlight.
U are actually the PI that is helping your boyfriend calvin to promote his service here in the forum.
Both of you work in a motor car workshop and the company listed both of your contact number.
Here u tell people not to look for PI, behind u recommend your own boyfriend.
Pls pls don't be unscrupulous. If u wan prove. I can put here online
For the past two mths, he has been coming back in wee hours n most of the time he is reek with alcohol.. he always claim he is out with his guy frenz.. I know he is troubled but he couldn’t tell me what is it.. he is those type when he don’t tell means he will forever keep his mouth shut.. our rs really took a downturn n I keep crying as he just won’t talk to me n always come back very late.. ask him not to go but he won’t be bother by you.. even if u tear he has no reaction.. u can text him but he don’t reply
I found some receipt and is always at those pubs which I believe is those sleazy type.. when I asked him he always said he just out drinking with frenz and confirmed there is no other ladies.. well while he was sleeping I checked his wallet and found a hotel card key.. before i showed him I questioned him again and asked if he ever went to some hotels and I even said the hotel name but he can blatantly said no.. in the end I just show him the hotel card so that he can’t deny anymore.. he didn’t explained anything and just asked me do I want to D.. this is not the first time to be frank..
I believe anyone will ask me to D for sure.. he used to be a nice guy and I have no ideas y have he become like this.. his current frenz is shit and only knows how to borrow money.. all this daily drink meals etc I believe is all paid by my HB.. anyway I don’t know how to trust him for now cos is very difficult to build back the trust again
I submitted online enquiry for D and now waiting for them to call me back.. when I told him I agreed to D, he asked me is it decided? What else can I do.. told me he be back early but in the end still did not keep his promise.. when I told him abt the D and the reason I be filing, this is the first time I saw him crying n breakdown and asked me if I m really going to D? he asked me can we don’t D first n wait till I find a better man who loves me then we D.. he told me if we sell the house after deducting everything n if there is balance I can keep it..
in my heart I know I don’t really want to D but my mind tells me I have to let it go
What you are experiencing is the same as what most women here gone thru. If you cannot accept I suggest you don’t go and dig but then women being women we will still want to know. So the choice is yoursNeed some advice. I suspect HB of texting maybe even affair with someone in the last 3 months. Previously I can see his use of phone is watching vid. Horizontal holding. Never turn phone away from me. Now mostly I see him holding phone is texting someone. Everytime I come near I can see him subtly tilting the phone away from me. Or off screen.
Twice I bio the phone sideways and saw him texting someone with a wallpaper pic of a makeup pretty face. Is it I so lucky both times I saw same person or there's something else? Twice I also found he closed the room door to make vid calls? to a woman at like 1am. I slp 1 room with baby and he slps another room. I can't really hear the convo but I can hear it's a woman he's talking to cos it's on speaker.
He is home every night but sometimes work late till 10pm. So now I also dunno it's real work or not. At home he is always holding onto the phone and sleep with phone next to him.
I feel like checking his phone while he's asleep but scared I will breakdown if it's confirmed.
For the past two mths, he has been coming back in wee hours n most of the time he is reek with alcohol.. he always claim he is out with his guy frenz.. I know he is troubled but he couldn’t tell me what is it.. he is those type when he don’t tell means he will forever keep his mouth shut.. our rs really took a downturn n I keep crying as he just won’t talk to me n always come back very late.. ask him not to go but he won’t be bother by you.. even if u tear he has no reaction.. u can text him but he don’t reply
I found some receipt and is always at those pubs which I believe is those sleazy type.. when I asked him he always said he just out drinking with frenz and confirmed there is no other ladies.. well while he was sleeping I checked his wallet and found a hotel card key.. before i showed him I questioned him again and asked if he ever went to some hotels and I even said the hotel name but he can blatantly said no.. in the end I just show him the hotel card so that he can’t deny anymore.. he didn’t explained anything and just asked me do I want to D.. this is not the first time to be frank..
I believe anyone will ask me to D for sure.. he used to be a nice guy and I have no ideas y have he become like this.. his current frenz is shit and only knows how to borrow money.. all this daily drink meals etc I believe is all paid by my HB.. anyway I don’t know how to trust him for now cos is very difficult to build back the trust again
I submitted online enquiry for D and now waiting for them to call me back.. when I told him I agreed to D, he asked me is it decided? What else can I do.. told me he be back early but in the end still did not keep his promise.. when I told him abt the D and the reason I be filing, this is the first time I saw him crying n breakdown and asked me if I m really going to D? he asked me can we don’t D first n wait till I find a better man who loves me then we D.. he told me if we sell the house after deducting everything n if there is balance I can keep it..
in my heart I know I don’t really want to D but my mind tells me I have to let it go
Need some advice. I suspect HB of texting maybe even affair with someone in the last 3 months. Previously I can see his use of phone is watching vid. Horizontal holding. Never turn phone away from me. Now mostly I see him holding phone is texting someone. Everytime I come near I can see him subtly tilting the phone away from me. Or off screen.
Twice I bio the phone sideways and saw him texting someone with a wallpaper pic of a makeup pretty face. Is it I so lucky both times I saw same person or there's something else? Twice I also found he closed the room door to make vid calls? to a woman at like 1am. I slp 1 room with baby and he slps another room. I can't really hear the convo but I can hear it's a woman he's talking to cos it's on speaker.
He is home every night but sometimes work late till 10pm. So now I also dunno it's real work or not. At home he is always holding onto the phone and sleep with phone next to him.
I feel like checking his phone while he's asleep but scared I will breakdown if it's confirmed.
Need some advice. I suspect HB of texting maybe even affair with someone in the last 3 months. Previously I can see his use of phone is watching vid. Horizontal holding. Never turn phone away from me. Now mostly I see him holding phone is texting someone. Everytime I come near I can see him subtly tilting the phone away from me. Or off screen.
Twice I bio the phone sideways and saw him texting someone with a wallpaper pic of a makeup pretty face. Is it I so lucky both times I saw same person or there's something else? Twice I also found he closed the room door to make vid calls? to a woman at like 1am. I slp 1 room with baby and he slps another room. I can't really hear the convo but I can hear it's a woman he's talking to cos it's on speaker.
He is home every night but sometimes work late till 10pm. So now I also dunno it's real work or not. At home he is always holding onto the phone and sleep with phone next to him.
I feel like checking his phone while he's asleep but scared I will breakdown if it's confirmed.
HiIs your husband committing adultery? Need help/support? I do.
Hi JaneShould bring forward to settle. The longer it drag the worse it's going to affect u mentally
Hi JaneShould bring forward to settle. The longer it drag the worse it's going to affect u mentally
Hi Jane
He still deny. But he seldom play with his tablet recently but afew days ago, he looked worried and his tablet kept ringing but he just press it off.
I suspect the gay homewreckers are calling him.
I’m a PR and my husband is a Singaporean. Today, i randomly checked his phone and found out that he’s engaging in a ‘massage parlor’. I’m not so sure if he went there already or just booked an appt. I have all the evidence of the time he contact the number and also i found out that the number belongs to a PRC that do those sexual services that can search from the internet. It’s not his first time to do this last time with Thai, Viet etc. We’re having a 2nd child and we’re getting a house next year. I don’t know if i just accept it or separatehim. He knows that i know but still acting blur and trying to change the topic to make me the one who’s at fault. What to do? We’re young couple so i feel that it’s better to divorce that stay in this kind of relationship.
My husband will not admit it whatever it takes he will revert the problem to me that i always started this kind of nonsense.
I’m being cheated too.. almost found out 2yrs, and their relationship been 3yrs, they was Colleagues, now that woman finally resigned cause most of their colleagues knew abt their affair, but he denied when confronted by HR.Well all cheaters are the same. You just have to know what you want. You can accept or move on. perhaps you let us know your decision then we will tell you on next steps.
Thanks Eppy for ur reply...If you want to stay then just stay. I seen wife and husband living separate lives but when it’s on Facebook, they are picture perfect family.
I have also seen marriage becoming stronger after an affair BUT the conditions must be met
- There must be a change in the way you guys behave - be it communication or habits. Obviously he is not happy with the current that’s why he go out n find right
- The unfaithful one must be repentant meaning truly repentant in words n in action
- The wife must truly forget n forgive.
- It takes years to restore marriage not months don’t expect immediate results.
Ultimately both parties must be willing otherwise you will always be sad thinking why he did this and he will continue to have both sides to satisfy him.
I won’t stay for sure that’s why i left.
Thanks Eppy for ur reply...
Both we can really live normal like nothing happen if I didn’t trigger him, he still cares, paying the expenses, come home every night.. he still show concern, care towards this family n me.. sometimes, during an argument, I can sense he is struggle too, he even told me, he like out of his control, he can’t just live without responsible..it affected his job where giving him lots of opportunity since he is junior till now to management level, not sure does the karma happened now to him, cause alot of bad thing happened, bosses start doubts on his performance, Colleagues complaints abt his cooperative, he didn’t earn respect from
ppl around him, even his family member too..
He characteristics always to thought ppl caused him for that situation, when come to decision, he fear to do so.
Had seen all the emails, messages between them, she act like hers is really a “true love” compared mine, she even drafted him a comparison between her and myself, cause he want to break off with her, she always tempted him as she knw his weakness.. Reason I don’t want to give up my marriage that easy to this kind of woman as she used to be other marriage man mistress for the past 10yrs still didn’t learnt a lesson, still continuing be a victim in this relationship..Speechless!
Lastly, looking at my 2 lovely kids, I can’t bear to see them suffer, being taken away what should belongs to them.. I can’t afforb to see them without Father as I use to lack with Father’s love since born, that’s become why am I can’t leave him which he used to gave me the security..
I’m being cheated too.. almost found out 2yrs, and their relationship been 3yrs, they was Colleagues, now that woman finally resigned cause most of their colleagues knew abt their affair, but he denied when confronted by HR.
It’s too many reason for me to stay on, mainly for kids, secondly I’m still love him and this family, I’m so grateful every good thing happened to me, I have 2 lovely kids, house, job, Friend, family.. even I’m still thinking of fate bring us tgt, my thoughts almost every marriage been thru a storm in order to get stronger marriage, Why would I give up easily?
To leave him, once in awhile it will come to my mind when he lied, trying to do thing at my back, his hurting word, and he easily get emotional over a small issue to me.. his easily get influenced by her who is experienced being other ppl Mistress for the past 10yrs, she knw exactly what marriage man who been in Long marriage without excitement, burden and stressful life.. can ur imagine how my life have a shadow of her in between my Husband..
Over his affair, he affected the most in term of mentally, work performance, and disrespect from ppl who knw his affair cause he use to be “good Husband” in front of many ppl. He can’t function well his work and personal life, yet he still want to whole both sides as he thought he can handle well, in fact he can’t..
Ever read those successful marriage who been an affair, they use to stay on and show support towards affair spouse, I hope I’m part of them..
I strongly believe in my patience and my sincere, my love and my effort could turn him back, as I can feel him he is so adopt to our kids and this family.. slowly I get to know all man are same, they will end up turn back to his family cause he knw wive always are different with the other.
By saying above, I hope I’m not confuse u all, but I just want to know how u look at my situation? Do u think is worth to stay?
If you want to stay then just stay. I seen wife and husband living separate lives but when it’s on Facebook, they are picture perfect family.
I have also seen marriage becoming stronger after an affair BUT the conditions must be met
- There must be a change in the way you guys behave - be it communication or habits. Obviously he is not happy with the current that’s why he go out n find right
- The unfaithful one must be repentant meaning truly repentant in words n in action
- The wife must truly forget n forgive.
- It takes years to restore marriage not months don’t expect immediate results.
Ultimately both parties must be willing otherwise you will always be sad thinking why he did this and he will continue to have both sides to satisfy him.
I won’t stay for sure that’s why i left.
Sad to hear that baby_yun..Hi,
I m also facing this issue now. Checked my Hubbi phone and found out tat he is having a woman n communicate via WeChat last week.
My heart sunk to the bottom. I did not get angry with him, was very sad n heartbroken.
1st thing I ask him if he can break off with her, he say cannot. N then decide to leave me n 2 kids.
I begged him and ask him to stay and return to us.
Yes now he return to us, but not leaving tat woman. He say he is only returning back to us as role of father, but no feelings towards me. And told me tat the woman is very nice and know tat he had a family and did not ask him to divorce with me too.
He say tat he is unhappy with me, he felt unhappy with me.
I told him I will change for the better and prove to him. But he refuse to think tat I will change. Hence I m trying to change my temper n others bad points to show my sincere.
Now we are just like normal but he just got no feeling for me. Which make me very sad.
I am telling myself to give him more time hopefully he can return to me. After all we been together for 14 years.
But he keep telling me, dun pin any hope on him if he dun love me anymore.
I just keeping telling myself, so long he coming back home and Care for the kids can Le. Actually it deceiving myself but wat to do... I choose this path.
It still very painful for me as this only happen like last week.
It's too big a gamble.
The man is not even remorseful.
If after a few years he decided to divorce base on some unreasonable behaviour. All will be wasted.
Why wan a man who heart is no more with u. If really he love the family n children. He wouldn't risk the marriage.
If he likes that kind of feeling. Even this one end, another will come. Cos to him he knows u will never leave him. How many time u wan to be hurt. How is your kids reacting to this.
Is.this the right way to bring up your kids
Hi Eppy,
Yes I agree it gonna take years to restore but I hope he can leave the woman.
I think you understood this wrongly
- Years to restore the relationship between husband n wife meaning there are no third, fourth n fifth parties.
He must leave the woman first then restoration can start.
To truly have the ability to love. The first n foremost is to LOVE YOURSELF.
You can stay in the marriage for your children no problem, make sure your growth is not dependent on him, be financially stable and if possible better than him. Make sure you gain the respect you deserve.
Y let him choose. He's the one who betray u. U should be the one to decide, not him.Thanks Eppy,
I m trying to pull myself up. If he not leaving the woman, there is nothing I can do.
Yes , my bff told me to be strong too if he still choose to leave in the end.
Stand your ground. If he wan a fast divorce, ask him go on your term.My hubby chose to leave me for his JC classmate eventually.Things are getting quite complicated now with all the wrangling esp over my twin girls.
Hi,
I m also facing this issue now. Checked my Hubbi phone and found out tat he is having a woman n communicate via WeChat last week.
My heart sunk to the bottom. I did not get angry with him, was very sad n heartbroken.
1st thing I ask him if he can break off with her, he say cannot. N then decide to leave me n 2 kids.
I begged him and ask him to stay and return to us.
Yes now he return to us, but not leaving tat woman. He say he is only returning back to us as role of father, but no feelings towards me. And told me tat the woman is very nice and know tat he had a family and did not ask him to divorce with me too.
He say tat he is unhappy with me, he felt unhappy with me.
I told him I will change for the better and prove to him. But he refuse to think tat I will change. Hence I m trying to change my temper n others bad points to show my sincere.
Now we are just like normal but he just got no feeling for me. Which make me very sad.
I am telling myself to give him more time hopefully he can return to me. After all we been together for 14 years.
But he keep telling me, dun pin any hope on him if he dun love me anymore.
I just keeping telling myself, so long he coming back home and Care for the kids can Le. Actually it deceiving myself but wat to do... I choose this path.
It still very painful for me as this only happen like last week.
Mine is more daring and uses Whatsapp to chat with the slut.And I thought he was chatting work stuff with his colleagues.Nowadays people use Wechat to cheat. I saw my husband phone and check his wechat and i saw few girls in his contacts that I know he’s flirting with. We’re young couple so i think my husband still want to explore and flirt around. I really cannot confront him that i saw it in his phone coz he always say that he needs privacy but believe me if our hubby said that to us then it means they are hiding something. Why the wives are the one who always experience betrayal with the husbands. Its like we’re the only one who really care in our family.
Mine is more daring and uses Whatsapp to chat with the slut.And I thought he was chatting work stuff with his colleagues.
Within a year,my family is in chaos and turned upside down.
He purposely let you see it?Actually i found an app that can connects my hubby whatsapps to my phone. He dont know that i can see his msgs so I can read his msgs before him. I know its too much but he made me do it.
Nope i download an app that connects his whatsapp to my phone without him knowing.He purposely let you see it?
Mine knows I never check his phone and that's why he and the slut is so brazen to chat openly on WhatsApp.
Xhar0205 can share with me the app?Nope i download an app that connects his whatsapp to my phone without him knowing.
XharActually i found an app that can connects my hubby whatsapps to my phone. He dont know that i can see his msgs so I can read his msgs before him. I know its too much but he made me do it.
Oh please !!!! Do not let your husband find out! Adultery n Flirting is immoral but not illegal but what you did is illegal. Under the Computer Misuse act - you logged into his account without his permission. He can report you to police or Singcert. I suggest you delete this post immediately.
Hi,
I m also facing this issue now. Checked my Hubbi phone and found out tat he is having a woman n communicate via WeChat last week.
My heart sunk to the bottom. I did not get angry with him, was very sad n heartbroken.
1st thing I ask him if he can break off with her, he say cannot. N then decide to leave me n 2 kids.
I begged him and ask him to stay and return to us.
Yes now he return to us, but not leaving tat woman. He say he is only returning back to us as role of father, but no feelings towards me. And told me tat the woman is very nice and know tat he had a family and did not ask him to divorce with me too.
He say tat he is unhappy with me, he felt unhappy with me.
I told him I will change for the better and prove to him. But he refuse to think tat I will change. Hence I m trying to change my temper n others bad points to show my sincere.
Now we are just like normal but he just got no feeling for me. Which make me very sad.
I am telling myself to give him more time hopefully he can return to me. After all we been together for 14 years.
But he keep telling me, dun pin any hope on him if he dun love me anymore.
I just keeping telling myself, so long he coming back home and Care for the kids can Le. Actually it deceiving myself but wat to do... I choose this path.
It still very painful for me as this only happen like last week.
Hi,
I would really like to help. I am a divorced single mom and have been bringing up my kids almost on my own financially and physically for the last 5 years. My eldest boy is 17, second girl is 12 (PSLE) and youngest is 11. Imagine 5 years ago had to bring them up on my own. But I choose it..... until u hear my story....
I cannot really help with an unfaithful partner, but I can advise on the worse scenario of bringing up kids own your own. I can advise on the best lawyer to fight for you if you hubby will be nasty. Women's charter is strong but u need a good lawyer to fight for u. Most lawyer won't fight for u. So if u really need to win to support kids, choose Harry Alias.
However, if you want to keep the relationship , I found this lady Esther Perel and she has a very famous talk on infidelity on TED. And I have heard numerous podcasts on how she counselled couples on the road to recovery. Since my own divorce, many women friends has stepped forward to share with me about their situations. That prompted me to read up and listen. Cos I know how hard it is to bring up children on my own.
But I have done well in the last 5 years, and I found strength to teach my kids independence, teach them to grow on their own, and more with my most affected girl. I have walked the journey with her and she has recently broken through emotionally and now she is happy every day. In fact she had offered from DSA placing for 2 schools and she thank me for planning the path for her. My Son also thank me for the journey and he also saw how DSA has opened the door. I can help in these areas.
I do not encourage couples to end their relationship. I have seen my friends stayed married but unfortunately, I have seen some parted too. I think it's really case by case and every couple has different background so it's very hard for us to tell u what's right and wrong. But I am just saying that if you can't bare it further, don't be unhappy forever. There is a way out always.
It if you like to keep the relationship, it is so important to ask him if he wants to try. And if he does, try Counselling, or Esther Perel, listen to the podcast and evaluate together. And work on it. I have advise a couple to try and they are still working on it.
I have to say after listening to hundreds of podcasts and YouTube and counselling and books, someone whose seen psychiatrist and psychologist, I have learn to understand what's the difference between a man and a woman and why we fail. Why they fail. Some times it's not the lack of feelings. Sometimes it's the lack of intimacy. Sometimes it's the lack of communication. Sometimes it's the lack of time and understanding. And so many other factors.
I can help whatever I can. Would love to fill in the gaps if you or anyone reading the chat needs.
Best regards,
Debs
Not every one is so fortunate.Hi,
I would really like to help. I am a divorced single mom and have been bringing up my kids almost on my own financially and physically for the last 5 years. My eldest boy is 17, second girl is 12 (PSLE) and youngest is 11. Imagine 5 years ago had to bring them up on my own. But I choose it..... until u hear my story....
I cannot really help with an unfaithful partner, but I can advise on the worse scenario of bringing up kids own your own. I can advise on the best lawyer to fight for you if you hubby will be nasty. Women's charter is strong but u need a good lawyer to fight for u. Most lawyer won't fight for u. So if u really need to win to support kids, choose Harry Alias.
However, if you want to keep the relationship , I found this lady Esther Perel and she has a very famous talk on infidelity on TED. And I have heard numerous podcasts on how she counselled couples on the road to recovery. Since my own divorce, many women friends has stepped forward to share with me about their situations. That prompted me to read up and listen. Cos I know how hard it is to bring up children on my own.
But I have done well in the last 5 years, and I found strength to teach my kids independence, teach them to grow on their own, and more with my most affected girl. I have walked the journey with her and she has recently broken through emotionally and now she is happy every day. In fact she had offered from DSA placing for 2 schools and she thank me for planning the path for her. My Son also thank me for the journey and he also saw how DSA has opened the door. I can help in these areas.
I do not encourage couples to end their relationship. I have seen my friends stayed married but unfortunately, I have seen some parted too. I think it's really case by case and every couple has different background so it's very hard for us to tell u what's right and wrong. But I am just saying that if you can't bare it further, don't be unhappy forever. There is a way out always.
It if you like to keep the relationship, it is so important to ask him if he wants to try. And if he does, try Counselling, or Esther Perel, listen to the podcast and evaluate together. And work on it. I have advise a couple to try and they are still working on it.
I have to say after listening to hundreds of podcasts and YouTube and counselling and books, someone whose seen psychiatrist and psychologist, I have learn to understand what's the difference between a man and a woman and why we fail. Why they fail. Some times it's not the lack of feelings. Sometimes it's the lack of intimacy. Sometimes it's the lack of communication. Sometimes it's the lack of time and understanding. And so many other factors.
I can help whatever I can. Would love to fill in the gaps if you or anyone reading the chat needs.
Best regards,
Debs