Your View on One Night Stand...

M

mommy1009

Member
I have friends both male and female whom I know indulge in One-Nite-Stands. I thought I am open enough to accept the doings as their personal choice. But most of them are based overseas.

Recently, one of my local friends admitted to be a regular of One-Nite-Stand. I promised that is his choice and as a friend I won't treat him differently. His takes in those issues has nothing to do with our friendship.

But now, I find myself feeling really disgusted when I meet this friend face to face. I know I am in no position to judge him or to despise him. At least he has been truthful about it and trusted me enough to share his personal secret with me right?

I know this things take 2 to tango. Both parties are grown ups and known well what they are getting into. At the end of it no one owe anyone anything. Someone actually makes an analogy of an itch. You have an itch, u scratch it to ease it. Doesn't matter which hand is scratching it.

I really dun know if it is me.... Am I too old fashioned or there are ppl out there who would feel the same about this thing....

I really feel like an alien when everyone I talked to seems to ok with the idea and commented that I should not even feel disgusted at all!!!
 


hi mommy1009
u are normal. ^^
although it is the choice of our friends, i still have my own moral codes. I usually tell them i dont agreed with what they do, so kindly ask them dont talk about those matters with me unless something which needed my help or attention.

world has changed, doesnt mean our moral value must change. That's what i think. Very much want to be accepting, but i tried to avoid topics which are uncomfortable to me.
 
mommy1009,
if you are an alien,
I'm a dinosaur liao...
I cannot accept this too.
happy.gif


Told my hubby if he ever does it,
it'll be end of our marriage.
 
it is their choice, their belief. Sometimes these people, I dun even bother talking sense into them. Just ignore them lor. Sometimes i will say things like... "yah, happening hor? AIDS also very happening."

But I feel that sometimes these thinking got to do with age... when i was much younger, I won't be so against it. But now, cannot leh.
 
Hi all,

Good at least 3/4 who responded share my sentiments.

I can't agree more with Joannelim. Time has changed but must our moral values be degraded in exchange to modernization? By not voicing out our objections to these things, are we not playing a role in silently consenting it? I believe many if not all of us are moms... I am really afraid of what the society norms will mould my son to be...

I fully understand he will have his own mindset and tolerance level which I can only try to influence but definitely I won't be in place to control..

I am feeling sad for my friends. If they will never have a family... I guess I'll feel better. STDs could affect the next generation. Will I go and visit them one day shld they lie on the hospital beds for contacting AIDS? I dun want to be the one to say - I've told you so...
 
Hi
i guess we all have our stand and opinions about ONS and are entitled to them. Being disagreeable certainly does not mean that one is ancient or jurassic.

Do people engage in ONS because they are not able to commit to a relationship? Because it is a quick way to get their physical satisfaction that possibly comes with a affirmation that they are still attractive to the opposite sex or a sense of achievement? Probably some or all of the above,

On the other hand, the are probably aware of the dangers of casual sex, but feel that it is worth the risk or they are "invincible" and will not contract STDs etc,

In which case, rather than despising them, i feel sad for them because while they are "enjoying" their freedom, they are also saying a lot more about their emotional wellbeing... essentially, ONS says that you are empty and unfulfilled emotionally.

I would despise the married people who engage in ONS because while they have committed to a marriage, they have betrayed the faith of their partners and exposed them to danger by being irresponsible.

I hope that my son will grow up with the sense of responsibility and emotional wellbeing to never resort to ONS for superficial satisfaction.
 
Yup. Ozzie, you managed to summarized my feeling in simple words and sentences. As a fren, I wish my frenz can enjoy the bliss of married and family life. But most of them due to bad exp from broken family, lost faith in marriage - something which leads them towards ONS.

As they enter middle age, they start to notice the change in their physical appearence. Youth is no longer their asset. Sense of insecurity starts to sink in. ONS is their way of gaining self confidence of their attraction towards opp sex.

May be, just may be, I wld hv been desperate enuf if I were in their shoes. I dun know....all I know is it is very very judgemental of me to pass remarks on them while being showered with happy family live.

As a fren, all I'd hope for is they will come to term with age and steer towards healthier lifestyles. Deep down inside, they are good pple at heart who toy with fire - I dun wish anyone to be burnt!
 
Hi mommy1009,

I wonder what you as a fren can actually do (besides trying to be non-judgemental)...if it has to do with how a person views him/herself, then i think it takes a lot for them to change and to believe they are worth more than what they think they are worth...
 
Even if one is essentially a 'good' person, i think ONS will erod on ones' integrity to oneself and basically destroy that person's self integrity and image. The conscience is destroyed. Even if spouse doesn't find out, that kinds of insidious self-destruction by sin is irreparable.
 
It has been more than a month since my friend confessed to me that he is into ONS. The first feeling was disgust then slowly I sort of accepted the fact that everyone has his or her morale acceptance level.

As a friend, indeed, there's nothing much i can do besides try not to be judgemental and hope one day, they'll come to realize their are playing with fire.

Despite myself, I can't bring myself to treat this fren the way I used to. I used to treat him like my own brother. Someone I respect and look up to. Like wat cocoon says, the intergrity of this person is tarnished and there's is no way I can respect him the way i used to.

This is not a good experience. The feeling is like having a close fren's passing. Deep down inside I felt as if I lost a confidante the moment he confessed his activities...... *sigh*
 
I know it is not rite, but sometimes there is an urge to be notti and yet not want to be responsible for it, or dun wanna have any kinda commitments after dat. Maybe that's y ONS exist...
 
it's not as bad as what this woman did. i am quite shock at this article. man, how is she coping with the guilt?
http://sg.******************/articles/share_a_secret_my_secret_baby
 
Wow....that is a shocking article. But really ONS depends on the person. Is he/she married, is he/she single...is he/she is comfortable to do that, etc.

It is a personal choice but that person has to be responsible.
 
yes indeed! a shocking article! pardon me for being harsh, but i hope the bitch will be true to her word and carry the secret with her till she die. her husband (whom she definitely does not deserve) and family shouldn't be subjected to the knowledge of such cruelty she inflicted upon them.
 
wow.... Its an eye opener to read that such things are truly happening in people's lifes. Its their personal choices.
 
Hi, I am also very "traditional type" and not into ONS, I worse, I dun agree on "pre-marital sex" too, becos I feel that gals will lose out, sex should be after marriage...am I an alien here??
 
While ONS may seem fun, the underlying cause is boredom with own marriage, if so, that should be addressed. Sweeping it under the carpet would not help but eventually destroy the marriage vows. If it is before marriage, I guess it is a matter of keeping yourself pure and protecting yourself, although it might not mean much to young people nowadays.
 
Now still ONS? I thought "upgraded" to MNS (Multiply Nite Stands) decade ago... Or now is FB (Fxxx Buddy)

I have a girl now and then I already start telling myself now how to educate her on sex related topics.

I would tell her everything and then let her know that virginity is very important to a woman cuz it's her integrity. I of cuz not say only after marriage then can have sex. But the guy must be a steady one not those puppy love or just "trying it out".


Sally, u not alien lar! I think most the moms here tink like u for their children too!

I am thinking, i am already married, no longer virgin and then my needs are not satisfied by ah lao... And if i am desparate, I think I will fall into this ONS thing liao...
 
I think sex lessons are necessary of course, but be careful, give your child only that much what it can digest. Don't over feed it, so that it can fall sick.

We are adult and we know what is right and what not. We should teach our children to differentiate good from the bad, harmless things from other harmful things.
 
Katie's mom, ur comments are so funny.
I think ONS is very common now.
Some ppl say and some ppl dun.

I havent got my own kids but i am really worried about this. I really dunno how to educate the kids.
But trends move and generations changed, maybe by their time, it is abnormal to not have ONS. Then how to teach?
 
Amy, you are making yourself worry over nothing!
hahaa.. about this ONS thing, i tink it's the environment that the kid grew up in, they do have their own personality and life, we can only guide them.

Being too restricted with them is not only killing them but ourselves too!

Most important is sex education to our gals especially! Like some guys are so jerk, they want you to proof that you love them by having sex, then shuold educate our gals that this perception is wrong!
 
Hi all. I'm also a traditional type who doesn't go for ONS or MNS or FB. It's disgusting for me to engage on those things. Of course, everyone of us has a right to our own opinions. What worries me most is how will my daughters cope with these modern ideas. I am worried when the time comes that they are teenagers and they will be pressured to do things that I tell them are against right moral values. It can really be difficult for us parents but I guess, we just have to educate our children as soon as they can understand.
 
haha, my husband got a friend who engages prostitute very often and who do short term dating for sex! His gf is in Msia while he worked in SG last time and now in China. To him it is very normal and he doesn't feel guilty at all, he had once brought my husband to Geylang and 'jio' him to the brothel after supper, my husband was so shocked that his friend turned out to be like this coz they actually grow up together.
My husband also feel a bit weird (not really disgusted but a kind of feeling hard to explain) whenever meeting him now and he doesn't dare to share drinks with him. So not only we women feel uneasy about it, guys also....
 
For me one night stand is not a normal thing. If I have friends like them i might think they are jerk and must stay away from them.

this is just my opinion.
 
moral values are best assets and dun throw them away. i think we are not aliens but those who degrade themselves r.

i can imagine why pp go for ons, but i know its not right to do it. fanstasy is enough lah. y take the risk and regret forever?

i will only impart the most conservative values to my kids, though we cannot expect them to be as conservative as we think. times have changed, but dun degrade to be a beast lah.
 
I cannot accept this too...but they are your friends, its better to give an advice.. remember real friends will tell what good or bad you are..
 
I don't agree with one-night stands too.
This is probably based on my religion and upbringing. I don't think it is old-fashioned to think this way.

But I do think that as a friend, if it disturbs you this much, you should let him know
happy.gif


Ai @ http://sakuraharuka.blogspot.com
 
My friends also engage regular ONS, they will check in hotel after a nite @ the pubs, disco and the next morning, either one of them will leave earlier without having to leave any contact or identity. They could simply erase this person who they slept with overnight. I personally can't accept, but this is juz another type of life people choose to lead.
 
I totally can't accept ONS. Aren't these people scared of getting the HIV? It's sad when human beings lose self-control and loosely bed anyone like stray cats and dogs.
 
Jeanbora, I agree with you too!

Can't imagine if you meet the person you have ONS during a meeting or .....

HIV .....

Scary
 
mommy1009 said:
I have friends both male and female whom I know indulge in One-Nite-Stands. I thought I am open enough to accept the doings as their personal choice. But most of them are based overseas.

Recently, one of my local friends admitted to be a regular of One-Nite-Stand. I promised that is his choice and as a friend I won't treat him differently. His takes in those issues has nothing to do with our friendship.

But now, I find myself feeling really disgusted when I meet this friend face to face. I know I am in no position to judge him or to despise him. At least he has been truthful about it and trusted me enough to share his personal secret with me right?

I know this things take 2 to tango. Both parties are grown ups and known well what they are getting into. At the end of it no one owe anyone anything. Someone actually makes an analogy of an itch. You have an itch, u scratch it to ease it. Doesn't matter which hand is scratching it.

I really dun know if it is me.... Am I too old fashioned or there are ppl out there who would feel the same about this thing....

I really feel like an alien when everyone I talked to seems to ok with the idea and commented that I should not even feel disgusted at all!!!
Click to expand...


You are not "old fashiones", but on the other side as you said "...Both parties are grown ups and known well what they are getting into...", always when come to things like this people should stay away, I understand that You can't accept, but on the other side, you can't judge...
 
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