Young Mummy

young jes,
like tt, then u better think properly.. 10 yrs down the road, do u foresee having a divorce bcause yr bf blame u for 'pushing' him into marriage? now tt u r in doubts if he is 'the one', then dun throw away yr future blindly.. dun do all these just to keep the baby.. the friend i told u who got married has a hubby whose 100% willing and ready to marry her and they still quarrel over small matters.. I hope yr 'bf' won't take this as an excuse and blame u for getting him into this state in the future..

anyway, fm how things goes.. HE CAN'T MAKE IT!!! He is FINANCIALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PSYCHCOLOGICALLY a LITTLE BOY!!.. Marriage is for the Better and Worse.. He can't make a decision on wat he has created, he is not PREPARED to walk side by side wif u.. Y do u have to sacrifice yr future for him then? Y u work to take care of baby, wat is his job then? If he has achieved his qualifications in the future and 'decided' he dun want u to share his fortune and divorce u, wif yr current qualification background, will u b able to raise up the kid on yr own? Or worse, if he wants the kid, how r u gg to fight wif him in the lawsuit since he's more financially sound than u ...mayb all these things won't happen.. but I still think U dun have to b the one bearing all the responsibilities... pardon me..
 


young jes,

I think I have to agree with CubbieBB. By reading all the past posting. I feel angry with ur BF. Seems tat all these while u r the only one fighting for bb. I felt tat ur BF din have the intention to keep the bb but juz becos he is too pai sey to ask u to abort it cos he is the one responsible for it he said the decision is on u. Sorry for being mean. But tats how I feel.

Ask urself wat can u provide ur bb? Can u give ur bb a happy family? I think this is really impt to a kid. If u cant provide, pls dun make him/her suffer. The child is innocent. Though I know abortion is cruel too. But at least it ends there.
 
Dear young jes,

I noe wat dilemma u r in rite now having to face all these alone. I've gone thru something similar. Pardon me for being so frank, I dun think ur bf is ready to b a husband let alone a father to a kid. I hope u will think carefulli before making any decisions.

The Girls here r rite... Abortion might b cruel but bring up a kid without the love of both parents can b as cruel.

Good luck n Take care..
 
I understand what u girls mean. I dun think he is ready to be a husband/father too, but i dun wish to abort the baby. It might not be a bad choice to abort the baby, but i dun bear to kill the life i've created. Abortion will leave a deep scar in my life. I know i can never forgive myself if i abort the baby.
 
Your bf is a JOKE. There is no way he is able to be a good husband, let alone a father. If you insist on keeping the child, I'd say you're better off keeping the child alone. Your family will give you the support you need. If they won't, either you abort and regret for the rest of your life, or keep the child and bear the responsibility yourself. Your child do not need a father like your bf.
 
young jes,

Abortion is a cruel thing indeed. Its a matter of fact. But not able to provide the child a complete family is worse. It would be a deep scar in his/her life. U rather choose to be her/his scar than ur own scar?

Being a mother to be, I think I am willing to go thru all the pain so long my child can get the best.
 
I know when the topic of abortion is brought up, there are bound to be conflicting views.

I hope I will not stir up any argument but I just wanna encourage <font color="ff0000">Young Jes</font> that you are very brave and right to think that you should not kill the life that you have created, and indeed you may never forgive yourself for aborting your baby.

Saying at this moment that you can't provide a good and loving home, be good parents is already making excuses to kill the innocent life. It is already admitting defeat and paving the way to be irresponsible parents and to regret the decision later.

Of course these are things you have to make effort to work at. Nothing is impossible, unless you are unwilling to try. You have to work it out yourself. Even for us, marriage is only a beginning we have to continuously work at it with our partners to make it work.

You have already made one mistake by getting preg b4 marriage, dun make another mistake by killing the child. What you can do is to make amends and give the baby a chance to be born and give him/her a life to live. Take up the duty of a parent.

I agree with those who encouraged you to seek your parents for help. Talk to them nicely, I am sure they will help you. I am so happy to hear that your future FIL is a more compassionate and sensible person to ask you to keep the baby. He should make his son bear the responsibility to you. Dun let your bf get away so easily by just asking u to abort. This is just a quick way out and the emotional scar and trauma is for you to suffer.

I am sure parents and grandparents will change and their hearts will melt when they see the cute little baby being born. They will be willing to help when the time comes.

Dun worry.... take each thing as it comes. Be brave. Dun commit a further mistake... take up the responsibility and be a good mother. Tell yourself you can do it. Give yourself a chance and your baby a chance please.
 
Hi all,
I've talked to him last nite. Asking him to think carefully, whether he really wans the baby or not. I told him that i dun wish to force him into commitment and hope that he can tell me whether he wish to keep the baby or not. I've also told him both the pros and cons of abortion. I wan him to think about it and give me a answer. In the end, he says that he wants to keep the baby.

Still not convinced, i asked him to think about it again. Telling him tat there is no need to feel pai sey or wat if he wans me to abort the baby. I would rather abort the baby now, den to let it suffer. In the end, he still say that he wish to keep this baby.

I really hope that he means what he say. Otherwise, i will only live to regret it.
 
Hi Jess,
hOpe he mean what he says or you will suffer later. You have to consider many factors now. Don't wan you to regret after marriage and being a single mother won't do you good either. Bad marriage will let you and your child end up suffering. Abortion will harm you physically and mentally and is unfair for the little life. You really have to think carefully before you make any desicion that is best for you. I am sure your friends, families and ppl in here will support your final decisions. It is a hard time for you now but regardless of wat decisions you make do rem to eat well cos there's a life inside you. Good luck!
 
I can't help but to say something.. this decision is really yours to make. Not his parents, not yours, not even your bf in this case since I assume he is not quite interested. I am a parent myself. I don't think not being able to provide your child with a complete family is the worst thing. The most important thing to a child is that she/he knows that you have done your best. When my parents were alive when I was younger, I used to blame them for not giving me a better family than my friends'. I have come to realise that they are the best parents I can have just because they have tried their best at bringing me up with what little they have.

And pls to go a gynae and check if baby is healthy in the first place. I just have a single friend who just aborted simply because her baby has a high chance of abnormality due to the medications she was used to taking. She was very very depressed and most unwilling, but she knew she had to do it.

Talk to your parents to see how supportive they are, and even if they are, ask yourself if you are willing to take up this life-long responsibility. Weigh it with your conscious if you decide to abort. If you can't be determined enough to take up the responsibility, you will just have to live with your guilt.

Taking up the responsibility is a mental prepartion. It's a positive attitude towards conquering whatever unknown obstacles that may come. If you think that at this stage you are just not ready, I suppose there is always another chance in future when you are better prepared. Don't blame yourself.
 
You don't have to regret. The baby is still yours. I just read an article about Amy Cheng's single parenthood in Today's Parent. I think single parents are very brave. I don't think her boy is more disadvantaged compared to other complete families. It's the attitude of the parent/s that matters.
 
Hi Jes,

Have been catching up on the thread since I was away for the past few days. My thots:

The decision is yours to take as to keep or abort the baby. Abortion is a very cruel thing to do, trust me. The emotional scars will be with you forever. But if you do give birth to the child but is unable to provide him with a happy family, then you will leave an emotional scar on him instead.

To bring up a child, the most important thing is love. Love within the family, between the parents and the love for the BB. Everything else is material. Money can always be earned &amp; problems can always be solved if the right foundation is there. If there isn't enough love between you &amp; your BF, then what makes you think you can give the best to your kid?

Think it through.... never go into a marriage out of convenience or even responsibility. Your responsibility towards the child doesn't just end when you get married &amp; give birth to the BB. But then again, if you choose to abort it, it really does end there.... for the BB.

Take care &amp; good luck. Make a decision fast, the BB in your womb don't have forever to wait for you to make a decision.
 
Hi Jess
I truly sympatise with you for what is happening but at the same time, I would like to knock some sense into you. You had been very irresponsible by having unprotected pre-marriage sex with a KID! And now, you are actually considering keeping the BB. Do u know what u are thinking!!! Let me analyse what u have now:

1. FAMILY - The BB is not going to have a happy family even if u make a more foolish mistake to marry that KID. You alone cannot provide a happy family. You also do not have wholehearted parental support from the KID side and u haven't even spoken to ur own family yet. Even if u get your family support, u are still taking a chance that the KID and his family would fullfill their responsibilities. Only u know best the likelyhood of that happening.

2. FINANCIAL STRENGTH - You two can't even feed yourself now, how are u going to feed ur BB? If u quit school now, u can only find temp work and u have to stop when u deliver. When u recover, u don't have the educational qualification nor experience to earn any meaningful income to provide for your BB. With your BB needing your attention, u will also never be able to afford the time required to have a reasonable shot at building a career. Given the financial and family stress that KID would be under, it is highly likely he would either bail out in a few years or take it out on u and the BB all the time.

3. SINGLE PARENTHOOD - You have to be prepared for this now, whether u are going to chose this now or in all likelyhood, that KID would leave u few years later. Then what would happen to the BB? What kind of family can u provide the BB then? Do u honestly think Singapore is a very forgiving and easy place to bring up a BB as a single parent? For every sucessful single parenthood example, I can provide u at least 20 failed 2-parent families, especially given the young age u are now.

It is a foregone conclusion now that u are going to suffer for the consequences of your action. Given all the factors that are against u, no doubt u still have that slim chance of having everything going right for u and making it so that your BB can have a happy family. However, by deciding to keep the BB, u are also implying that u are willing to take a gamble on the future happiness of your own flesh and blood just so that now u can feel less guilty for your irresponsible actions and also just so that u can avoid the emotional pain. PLEASE for once, stop being selfish, stop finding excuses to lessen the weight of your mistake. PLEASE start to learn to be responsible and be prepared to shoulder the full consequences of your actions ALONE instead of making your child share the pain and sufferring with u.

Yes, my words are harsh and cruel, but so is the realities of life. If u really want to make up for your mistakes, then PLEASE take good care of yourself. Be emotionally and mentally strong. Dump that irresponsible KID and focus on your studies thereafter. Make sure u understand what responsiblities, commitment and love is when u look for your FH and starting your family. You are still young, though u can never make up for the loss of your first child, but that doesn't mean u should be denied the chance to provide happiness to your other childrens to come.

Finally, it is your personal decision if u wish to go for an abortion. But if u think that the BB should not be aborted, then please consider giving up the BB for adoption. You are certainly not in a position to keep this BB now.

I hope u take good care of urself and u have my very best wishes...
 
Hi BigApple,

Though what you've said is all true, but not all such situations will end up as a tragedy.....

I was also still studying at that time when I got pregnant. My husband (then BF) didn't have a stable job either. But we decided to go ahead with the marriage because I didn't bear the thought of killing another one of our child &amp; we felt that as long as we worked hard enough, there's nothing that we cannot solve.

Yes, I aree being a young mummy is definitely not easy. I can recall all the fights me &amp; my HB had, the penniless times as well as lonely days without the support from family &amp; friends. But we managed to plough through all that &amp; ave the best to our child.

I dare say my daughter is a much happier kid as compared to the other children my older peers have. Just because we both spend quality time with her everyday, unlike others whom only see their child once a week. Just because I always try to give her the best in everything by reducing the number of times I visit the spa.

I am working hard at creating a career for myself. Though I may not be where I want myself to be at yet, but I dare say that I am already earning more than what my peers with a higher education is getting. Sometimes, it's not entirely on the amount of time spent on your job that gets you places. It's about working smart as well as getting your talents &amp; hard work noticed.

That's why I keep telling Jes that she needs to make sure that the marriage will work before considering giving birth to the BB. Really no point giving birth just to ease your own guilt. Alot of people end up resenting their own BB when their marriage fails......

If Jes really ops for an abortion, I think this should be a lesson for her to learn. Think about the poor BB that was killed in your stomach the next time you are about to have unprotected sex.
 
Big apple brought up a an excellent suggestion, if you do not want to abort because you think its cruel, then the kindest thing to do is to give birth to him/her and put the bb up for adoption. Its painful yes, but its definitely alot kinder and more responsible than bring the child in a dysfunctional environment. Children need more than food, air and school to grow. They need a complete, happy, balanced family. Happy balanced parents bring up happy balanced children. Give the innocent child a chance.
 
hi jes,

i think besides wat kelly said. i also haf frens who got themselves into the same situation as you. they gave birth to the child. the husband is a good for nothing ah beng went to sign on with the army for the kid and the ah lian wife continue to work in a factory...their kid is like 6 now..they are together..driving a new car and have everything a norm family shoulds haf...as long as you have supportive parents and both of you are willing..i believe things can be worked out.
 
I think Kelly's case is a good encouragement.

At least they were willing to be responsible for their actions and work towards a better future now that things have turned out this way.

I dun quite agree with Big Apple.

As I have already written above, as opposed to what Big Apple, I feel that choosing the quick and "easy" way out is all the more being selfish and irresponsible. Choosing to kill the unborn child and saying that you can't give it a good home... blah blah blah.... IS making a further mistake than the one already made and just making excuses for yourself so that you can just end the life and end everything here.

Big Apple said aborting the child so that you bear the consequence alone and dun drag the child into it. My opinion is different. On the contrary, to kill the unborn child is making him/her bear the consequences of your actions... that he/she has to lose her life becoz of reckless behaviour of a couple. The child is innocent and you have no right to end the life of another person. You created it and now you are going to end it.

Can consider adoption too...
 
AppleG
I believe we all have her interests at heart. I have re-read my entire post again just to be sure that I have not been encouraging abortion. I have been trying to emphasize throughout the post that IMHO, jess is in no position to keep the BB ALONE. Just in case there are still any ambiguity, I would like to stress again my conclusion; I believe that no one other than jess herself is able to make that decision whether to keep the baby or not. I only hope that if she decides to keep the baby, she would consider giving it up for adoption.

I know I sound like a very big pessimist. But to assist jess in making that decision, we all could only help her by sharing facts, information and experiences from both sides of the fence. I would like to highlight that the facts of Kelly's case has a few distinct differences from jess:

1. Kelly has full hubby and parental support from both sides of the families.

2. Kelly's hubby is 7 yrs older than her and was more than ready to join the workforce at that time.

Given these (significant?) differences in facts, whether Kelly's case still remains as an encouragement is debatable.
 
Hi all,
I understand that all of u have my interests at heart. And i'm grateful for all the advice given.

However, i've decided to keep this baby. This baby is a life that me and my bf has created. I dun wish to end it right after i created it. You might say that i'm taking a gamble on the future happiness of your own flesh and blood just so that now u can feel less guilty for my irresponsible actions and also just so that i can avoid the emotional pain. But to me, its a different thing. I dun wish to kill this life, i dun wish to push her to face the consequence of my action.

Big Apple,
if i'm not wrong, you are a guy rite? i looked under ur status, den i realised that you put male under the sex selection. Hmm... maybe only ladies will understand the bond between the baby and mother. Everything you have said is true, they are indeed the realities of life. Your words brought some sense to me, reminding me that life isn't a bed of roses.

I've thought of giving up the baby for adoption too. But my parents are against the idea. They are afriad the the baby might fall into the wrong hands.

As for my bf, i'm glad to say that he finally made up his mind. He finally woke up. He is giving me his fullest support in keeping this baby. He promised to work hard with me to give this baby the best. We have agreed to give this baby a complete, happy family.

As for job-wise, for the past 9 mths i've been working part time while i'm schooling. Soon, i'm going to apply to work as a full timer. Think it should not be too much of a problem. The pay is quite good, enough to support me and my baby.
 
Hi Jes... glad to hear that you have come to a conclusion about what is the next step you want to take.

Nothing in life is easy. Every action has a consequence... but as long as you have determination to see it through that is a good start in itself already. Just deal with the problems as they come along. For now just stay positive and have a healthy baby.

Stay happy kay... all the best to you, your hubby and your baby =)
 
Hi Young Jes,

Gald tat U have made up ur mind. Pls be firm on your stand and also pls provide ur best to ur bb.

You will always have my blessing.
 
Hi Odie &amp; Valacia,
So happy that i can have the blessings from you gals. After so many oppositions , every single blessing is so precious to me.
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Yes Big Apple. We only have Young Jes's interest at heart.

Let's wish her the best now.

Young Jes, it's not easy being parents... but being young parents, you have more energy which is good! Must be mentally prepared to take on the tough but fulfilling task of raising a young life... Do come here frequently to chat as we can help one another out. You'll prob need advice on your pregnancy and child-caring later on. We are here to share tips and help one another.

Dun blame your child or regret your decision... be brave and positive!
 
young jes,
fm yr posting, i presume yr parents have come to know of this matter and have supported yr decision to keep the bb liao is it..

As for yr part time job's conversion to full time, will u b doing tt aft u give birth?
 
No, not yet. But i've talked to them regarding this matter before. So i know that they will be against adoption. We have talked about this issue before, so i know their point of view.

Anyway, i will still be working the same job after i gave birth. Coz this job is more flexible and offers quite a good pay. After working there for so long, i'm more comfortable working there.
 
Hi jes
Yes, I am a guy
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more than ten thousands miles away and 13 hrs behind singapore time.

I am glad that u have made up your mind and that there are some positive changes in your bf side. But I think u need to talk to your family ASAP to get their understanding and support. Believe me, they will form a very important pillar in your life. At this moment in time, there is no longer a right or wrong decision for u. You can only make the best decision out of the circumstances and situation and only u knows best what it is.

As u can see, our hearts are with u, so just drop in anytime and we would be more than happy to chat with u. Stay strong and take good care of yourself n your BB. Best wishes
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I am glad that you have made up your mind, at least you won't be tormented by your dilema. A mother and a child have got a most special bonding. I hope regret will never find you, and that you will be strong enough to walk the path you have chosen. Put aside all negative thoughts, and focus on the positive things. Take good care of yourself, and all the best to you!!
 
hi young jes,

after reading the postings here, cant help but drop a note. I wish u all the best. u r indeed very brave to face this matter so openly!

i m a mummy of a 3mth old gal, trust me, when u see ur little one being borned, u'll b so overwhelmed with love for him/her. they r the most innocent creatures on earth!! the road ahead of u may b tough, but with a positive attitude, i m sure u can make it.

No matter wat happen nx time, dun blame this child, give him/her all ur love, i think its all a child need (not material stuff)!

God bless u and I m sure u'll be able to work things out n live happily
happy.gif
 
hi young jes.. i applaud you for ur courage and decisiveness, despite all the barriers that are clearly displayed before u. I am a victim of my own cowardness and will live to regret it, but i'm very very glad to see that u didn't follow my footsteps. So good luck to you and your baby. It's just so wonderful that you chose to believe in yourself. I'm sincerely happy for you!

Take care and all the best!!
 
Hi all!!
So happy to receive so many blessings from all of u.. Cant help but keep smiling away while reading all the postings. Heehee.. I'm glad that i've found this forum and made so many new found frens who gave me so many precious advices. Without u ppl, i might not be able to come out with a decision.

His mum talked to him again last nite. She kept asking him to ask me to abort this baby. She even suggest to him that he can say that he doesnt want to marry me, and use this excuse to ask me go abortion. But this time round, he fought hard for me and baby. He stand firm on his decision, and told her that he doesnt want me to go for abortion. I'm so glad that he has changed, for the better. Now i know that i'm no longer alone.
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Hi Jes,

I am glad that you both came to a decision. I know that it wasn't easy for you to decide, trust me, I truly understand because I had to make this decision twice.

I will not be an easy journey up ahead, but bear in mind that there are people worst off then you at any time. Be thankful that god gave you this little life within your womb &amp; do your best to bring the BB up to be a good person.

I got pregnant at 18 &amp; gave birth when I was 18, even younger than you. It really was VERY VERY hard back then. But I had managed to stand up strong &amp; fought for what I believed in. If you ever need any advice or just a listening year, I will be here for you. I will understand.

Cheer up!!
 
young jes,

I'm glad he has become supportive of u now.. Wish u a smooth pregnancy and a Healthy cubby bb in 9 mths time..
 
kelly, you had to make this decision twice? You mean u aborted twice before this child you have now?
 
just_curious, "had to make this decision twice". i.e. she was pregnant twice. There is nothing to suggest what was the outcome of those two decision. Stop making wild guesses.

Are u the same person going around in the other threads keep asking her for her personal history? Do u have a real question to ask or are u just interested in finding out about K.
 
Hi just_curious,

Yes, "had to make this decision twice" simply means that I got pregnant twice. Doesn't suggest anything else.
 
I see! Are both pregnancies by the same father or different?
 
just_curious,

What is the purpose of that question? How will the answer contribute to your knowledge bank?
 
cowie, big apple, I am just curious, cause I have not come accross any girl who is so sexually active/horny at such a young age and somemore never use protection (sorry if u did use and its an accident anyway), so thought I'll ask to find out more. Maybe because I 'sua ku' loh.
 
Oh, I see.... so, both you and I posted here because we have similar query. I was wondering why is it someone can be so curious that he/she doesn't know the boundary between asking a question for the purpose of clarifying a doubt and intruding into others' privacy.
 
For a minute, I am going to give u that little bit of benefit of doubt, but pls reconsider some issues of basic courtesy and respect for others' privacy before posting any further messages to satisfy your curiosity. Remember that curiosity killed the cat.
 
just_curious,

Please.... excercise some basic respect for us here when asking questions.

FYI, there are ALOT of such girls out there. Wake up, dun be sua ku lah.....
 
sorry lor, I oredi say I curious liao. anyway, maybe i sua ku, that y ask so much. young jes, you are also like kelly wat, only that she more courageous than you.

kelly, sure or not, got so many young girls out there so fertile and horny meh? no harm intended, just i'm just amazed lor.
 
just_curious,
none of your business wheather they horny or fertile. Since u so amazed and curious, you can go KK and do your survey there.
 
just_curious,
Of coz Kelly is more courageous den me, and i'm glad that she is here to share her experience with me. You are way too curious, u have stepped over the boundary. Please have some BASIC courtesy.
 
Dear all,

Perhaps the best way to curb this troll is to treat him/her as transparent and just carry on with your discussion as per normal. The more you entertain him/her, the more he/she will enjoy it.

Have a good weekend everyone
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