WTA: Divorce

[3_baobeis]

Hi can anybody share their experience for similar case?

I'm divorcing my husband basing on his unreasonable behaviour. Long story. All about money, intimacy, children, in laws etc. I do not know if he has an affair. After all, we did not have sex for a long time and he is super desperate. He did say that he will go out and look for his happiness before.

His argument is that we did not have enough intimacy, that I keep saying that he is useless, idiot etc, that I do not respect him and his family.

So now, about our children custody, flat and alimony.

1. Our kids. We have 3 kids, girl age 5 and a pair of twin boys age 2 this year. Girl is in childcare and boys taken care of by my mother and our helper, who is leaving in June. Midnight and weekends, I'm the one to look after the kids all these years. My husband only helped out like occationally over these 5 years and mostly short durations. I am the one to educate and discipline them. He wants to try to fight for the kids, arguing that he is a responsible father as he has put all his income into the family and he did help out in them. He says his family background is better as his mum is rich and his sister and brother in law earns about $20k/month in total. As for me, my family is an average family, dad taxi driver, my siblings earn average income of $3k-$6k. As for ourselves, he holds a diploma in pastry while myself, a degree in banking and finance. Does he have any chance of getting their custody?

2. 5-room HDB flat. His mum paid for the downpayment and renovation of the flat, total to about $40-$50k. He used his CPF to pay for the flat over the years. As I don't contribute to CPF, I do not contribute to the flat in anyway directly. However, our agreement was that he will use his CPF $785 to pay for the flat and contribute $1,600 to joint account while I contribute $2,375 to joint account. Most likely, I'll be having the custody of the kids, and as much as possible, I do not wish to have any changes to the kids life, do not wish to pay more on housing loans, and knowing that he will not be able to pay for high alimony, or that I have to keep asking him to pay for alimony, hence I wish to keep the flat. Besides, it is near to my parents place. However, he and his family refuse to transfer the ownership of the flat to me. Any idea if there is any way or under what kind of circumstances can I keep the flat?

3. Alimony. The breakdown of our monthly expenses is as follows. House expenses including housing loan $1,600. Car $1,800. Children $3,500, including helper and enrichment courses. Total $7,000, including other misc. We got rental income of $1,250. He refuse to pay for car saying that cos I'm the one driving when I drove cos I need to fetch and send my girl to and fro school, cos I'm the one to take care of the kids, cos I need to send to the clinics and go out etc. He cut his car contribution from our joint account and refuse to pay for our girl's enrichment courses, when our agreement was that I teach her at home, he pay for the enrichment courses. He is suppose to pay $3,000/mth, including CPF. He says he is in debt of about $16,000 now, which includes his personal debt. His pay is basic $1,600 + OT. Fluctuates between gross $1,900 to $3,600 per month now. My pay is 100% commission base and average about $3,500. May I ask how much is the reasonable amount of maintenance for the kids? I will reserve my $1 from him. Also, can I get him to repay back all the shortfalls that he did not contribute to the joint account these months?

Thanks for reading and sharing!

 

[whitewindy]

Usually the custody of the child goes to the mother

If you can prove that you are the one looking after the children and providing them their needs, most likely you will gain their custody.

As for the flat issues keep hold of the joint bank account as a support to prove that you are also paying just that you bank in as savings as agreed by the other party.

I guess the flat is under both ur name & hubby's name right? If that's the case you all can split into half if you can proof that you are also paying for the flat issues.

Nonetheless, its best to consult a lawyer.

Hope it helps.

 

[3_baobeis]

Iv actually consulted a lawyer. She says tt since my husband is using his cpf to pay for the flat, he will most likely get the flat if he wana fight. However, she says tt my case is unusual as I dun contribute to cpf n I also contribute, juz tt i contribute to family expenses in cash. Anybody fought for the flat n win?

As for the children maintenance fees, how much will b e reasonable amount to get? Lawyer saying $2k den $2,300 when my boys go to enrichment classes. But now he refuse to pay for this n tt n oni contributed $750 this month to joint account! I wish to get him to pay back the money through my lawyer when we sign e papers. Isit doable? Oso, understand tt judge will most likely get us to share e cost of the children. So will it b half of $3500, which when my boys turn older, guess it will amount to $4000, or half of $7000 tt he has to pay?

Thanks!

 

[3_baobeis]

Also would like to know, if you are in my situation, and would want to avoid court case n get a reasonable amount of maintenance, what would u ask for from your husband? He n his family r refusing to give a reasonable sum. Initially we agreed on house split, maintenance $2000 den $2300. He will repay back his cpf n mum If he needs.

But e last he said now is to house split, we put back into his cpf n repay his mum, den split e profit. Maintenance $1200. V v unreasonable amount n I still need to c him every weekend durin his visiting! I wish to end it peacefully but he is giving me craps all e time! Now he cut his joint account contribution tt I need to top up e balance myself!

Wat will u all do? For e maintenance, he will get a sum of money after we sell flat n even after he repay everything himself. So I suppose $2k den $2300 is reasonable. However, he flipped his words n said otherwise. So my decision is to get him to transfer e house to me, so tt I wun hv trouble getting him to collect maintenance in future n maintenance at $1500 now. When he receive bonus $2k per year. Is this reasonable? Lawyer advise is him transfer flat to me, pay me $2k den $2300, den bonus $2k yearly, plus to share cost of assessment, school books, tertiary education, medical bills etc.

Thanks for advise!

 

[triple70]

Need to be very very clear the difference between custody and care and control.
Custody will almost always be Joint custody, as the judge wants to ensure the kids benefit from both parents in the long term. Care and control refers to the physical control of the kid, which usually goes to the mom.

honestly speaking, it does not appear that the both of u can afford a divorce.
Not for now at least. Just becuase u do not agree with his lifestyle means u shd throw caution to the wind.

 

[whitewindy]

Hi 3 Baobeis,

Do you all talk verbally or through sms or email?

It is better to have supportive documents like emails or through sms than talking verbally.

 

[3_baobeis]

SMS. Luckily all SMS. Cannot talk to him verbally. I dun wish to n he will always turn his words. Thanks Windy!

 

[pinkydy]

I think if both of ur income r able to take care of the children, and both of u r fighting for the child, it will likely be a joiint custody then a sole, unless u can prove his neglect towards the children. If not, it will be joint, but main caregiver to the children would be to u, coz u r the mother.

As wat 3 baobeis say, the flat will likely go to him coz he can prove from his cpf tat he has been contributing to the flat. Unless u can proves tat ur cash contributrition of the house in forms of receipts or payments made, then yes may have a chance to get part of the house. If u want the flat, then u most likely have to buy over his portion and pay him back his contributions over the yrs, which is usually to ur disadvantage coz he will get a huge sum of money when he releases the house to u. The other way would be to sell it off, then the money will be spilt accordingly. Tat means u need to look for a place to stay when the flat is finalised.
As for alimony, unfortunately base on his salary, u will prob be looking at quite little. If I m not wrong, they will base on his basic, not with the OT. So the judge may see like how much is sufficient for this for his own expenses and how much is required for ur children. Also, coz u technically earn more than he does, u will have a bigger share of contribution to ur children. Like 6:4 or 7:3 kind of ratio.
Anyway on the looks of it, this looks like its going to be a long battle. Get a gd lawyer to help u, and good luck.