I had the same problem and struggled for years, not being able to have sex with my hubby. So I went to buy the kit on vaginismus.com and I must say with constant practice I really succeeded in overcoming this problem. The main trick I've learnt is to give myself clitoris arousal to the point of climax and I notice that when I'm aroused, it's much easier to insert my finger or the dilator - partly due to the natural lubricant produced by my vaginal walls and the relaxation of my vaginal walls on the way to climax. I think partly is the psychological fear I had of insertion - somehow, arousal helps lessen this fear greatly. This was the main trick that helped me to use the dilators and eventually now have sex with my hubby. Hope this can help someone out there! I still have the VCD from this vaginismus.com website. If anyone is keen, I can just mail out, PM me
Vaginismus
- Thread starter Ital
- Start date
Thevowelsgirl
New Member
Hi,
Is anybody on tis thread still?
Im married for almost a year now and I've yet to be able to have penetrative sex. My only progress so far is 1/3 of my husband's pinky finger before it starts to hurt very badly. Burning sensation occurs at times.
Ive yet to buy the dilator but im also thinking of going to see the gynae. Would it be better that i visit a GP first? (Im rather uncomfortable to do so. Rather embarrassed to tell a GP about my condition as compared to telling a specialist about it) If i were to go gynae first, which gynae would be good? And affordable? Is it possible to get referral from a private gynae to say, KKH sexual health clinic? So id be able to get a subsidised consultation and checkups?
Hope someone would reply to my post.
Thanks.
Is anybody on tis thread still?
Im married for almost a year now and I've yet to be able to have penetrative sex. My only progress so far is 1/3 of my husband's pinky finger before it starts to hurt very badly. Burning sensation occurs at times.
Ive yet to buy the dilator but im also thinking of going to see the gynae. Would it be better that i visit a GP first? (Im rather uncomfortable to do so. Rather embarrassed to tell a GP about my condition as compared to telling a specialist about it) If i were to go gynae first, which gynae would be good? And affordable? Is it possible to get referral from a private gynae to say, KKH sexual health clinic? So id be able to get a subsidised consultation and checkups?
Hope someone would reply to my post.
Thanks.
Hello, i was like you previously where i was unable to have sex after marriage. Just want to let you know that vaginismus can be overcome so dun lose hope! I did not go to a GP but to a gynae directly as i wanted to know if internally im ok. Gynae inserted one/two fingers during my first visit and I broke down from fear, but i also realise it is doable when she asked me to relax. After gynae visit, i got myself a set of dilators to practice. U have to be very diligent with the practice, daily if possible and apply lots of lubricant. Overtime when u are used to the sensation, it will give you confidence to do the real deed. U can overcome this!
Thevowelsgirl
New Member
Thank you for the encouraging words. I'll keep whatever you said in mind
but may i know which gynae did you go to? And how often did you have to go down to see the gynae? And may i know how long did you take to recover from it?
I only went to the gynae once as i figured there’s nothing much she can do for me n that i have to overcome this challenge myself. She advised me to practice by inserting one finger then slowly progress to two, then three fingers. Personally I thought it is easier to practice w dilators than fingers though.. i took less than 6 months to go through the whole set of dilator sizesThank you for the encouraging words. I'll keep whatever you said in mind
And may i know how long did you take to recover from it?
the time taken will differ among individuals, and most importantly is you go at your own pace and comfort. Lemme know if u are still keen to know the gynae and i can dm you (thou honestly i think it didn’t help much in my journey)
I have the same problem as u previously but I did not dare to go and see gynae plus consultation is expensive too. Instead i purchase the dilator practise kit plus the book from vaginismus.com and practice at my own pace and comfort.
It does take a while to get use to the dilator sizes but since you start from the smallest just practise until you are comfortable before you move on to the next size. Consistent practise with dilators is the key to overcome penetration fear and the step by step book guide does help a lot too.
vaginismus is my history too that’s what prompted me to reply. First, I must explain I was little traumatized seeking doc esp when doc placed the fingers in. It really affected my self esteem.
I value my sexual relationship with my husband so much & was very desperate in satisfying him. Though he was patient but I often cried as I was frustrated because I knew he had to secretly masturb himself. I was so afraid that would affect our marriage and cause him to stray. I did lotsa research online decided that I’ll see doc again if my ways didn’t work. I also bought several dilator kits. I must say I became a little obsessed (maybe not so healthy) practising it day & night , while reading websites that teach bout sexual positions. One night he caught me practising & maybe that aroused him & he made love to me immediately. That was how we realised it’s less painful to have penetrative sex each time after I used the device to get my muscles accustomed to the stretch. I think psychologically we also have to tell ourselves we are beautiful, it’s impt to dress sexy & feel sexy.
Its been 10 yrs now ...I got thru the pain & I can say we stay v blissful in our sexual relationship. Vaginismus can be cured & it needs to be something that women can talk openly about without it being judged.
Agree. It’s impt to get something with several sizes and with lock handles that are easy to use.
twinkle123
New Member
I have been married for 1 year 3 months too, unable to do the real deal... Initially his middle finger only can go in 1/3, and after that I would have spotting and itchy a few days. We did not see a doc then as my hub only wants me to visit a female doc. Marriage was also up and down due to the lack of intimacy, disappointments and frustrations. I am a V, but hub had prior experience before. We dragged a bit till we went to see a gynae at NUH in Aug last year, got to understand more about Vaginismus... I think hub trying to be understanding, no longer pushy and accepts that I am just different from the others. I also bought a set of 5 dilators around $200, but still stuck at number 3. Sometimes he just by the way mention that he should just force in. I think he is getting quite bored to see me working on them and doesn’t understand why my tolerance level for pain is so low. ( he thinks that gals are supposed to enjoy it but I look so miserable and in pain putting those plastic in) Sometimes I cry and feel so useless, but I guess just have to keep trying as in-laws are asking me if I have any good news for them. Even my mil bought me chinese tonic to eat and talked to me to ask me go for a body check or try IVF. They are quite traditional and didn’t have such problem last time (since they could give birth to my husband) so I think if they were to got to know of my condition, it would be hard for them to accept it...
Just want to share my experience here. Have been suffering from this for 2 years +. Finally took the step to seek treatment. I went to a clinic call Insync medical near east coast area. Dr Jess is very patient and understands my concern. I begin treatment with her and I managed to overcome it 2 months after I seek treatment from her. I will encourage those who are suffering to seek treatment as this can be overcome. Jia you!!
Feel free to PM me if you want more info on the treatment process, etc
Feel free to PM me if you want more info on the treatment process, etc
Snowiestarz
New Member
Hi, i am new to this forum and will like to understand more abt the treatment process you share. Can u PM me? I am not sure how the PM works here
thanksHi, I would like to share my story and how I overcame vaginismus- hopefully it can benefit others too. I was initially not aware that I had vaginismus until my first health screen where I could not do a pep smear test. The doctor also could not use the transvaginal probe and said that I should get this condition fixed. All along I thought that it is normal to have painful intercourse until I realized that it was actually a condition. I then tried various methods: going to psychiatrist, using dilators etc. The condition was getting better but it still wasn’t 100%. When my husband and I started trying for a baby, we realized that we needed to solve this condition and at the same time, get my body ready for a baby. I then went for a TCM consult, not to cure my vaginismus condition, but to help ‘tiao’ my body. The TCM recommended acupuncture to help with stress and blood flow. After 3-4 sessions, to my disbelief, I could actually visit my gynae and successfully did the transvaginal scan! After that I realized that my body was not as tensed anymore and I was able to have intercourse without pain. Chancing upon acupuncture that solved my condition was a pure coincidence but I am so thankful that acupuncture was the answer I needed. For anyone out there struggling with vaginismus, please try acupuncture- I hope it works for you as it did with me.
Hi, wondering if anyone is still in this thread?
I have just been diagnosed with vaginismus. It took my husband and I 1 year before we manage to have intercourse (Consulting Dr Martha Lee helped us a lot!), but I am still unable to go for PAP smear and transvaginal ultrasounds. I was told that if I am unable to go for transvaginal ultrasounds, I will not be able to go for IUI/IVF. Wondering if any of you have any recommendations for specialist that I can consult? I just bought a set of dilators, hope that it will help. Thank you!
I have just been diagnosed with vaginismus. It took my husband and I 1 year before we manage to have intercourse (Consulting Dr Martha Lee helped us a lot!), but I am still unable to go for PAP smear and transvaginal ultrasounds. I was told that if I am unable to go for transvaginal ultrasounds, I will not be able to go for IUI/IVF. Wondering if any of you have any recommendations for specialist that I can consult? I just bought a set of dilators, hope that it will help. Thank you!
Hi, I had gone through the same experience. I only discovered that I had vaginismus when I went for check up and could not do pep smear / transvaginal ultrasound scan.
I overcame vaginismus by these 2 methods:
1) using dilators- you can google to find these online. They come in different sizes. The idea is to let the muscles get used to the idea of penetration without pain.
2) going for acupuncture
After a month or so I could successfully do a transvaginal u/s and then did IUI.
happy to provide more information if you have further qns. Good luck!!
Keep practising with the dilators cos they are really useful. I did not go for any other treatment other than using dilators. In time to come you can overcome Vag. Once u r trained to the feeling ur muscles will relax and very soon can overcome the fear and able to do smear and scans. Jia you!!!
medicalstudentresearcher
New Member
Hi Ital!
I am a medical student at the Penn State College of Medicine looking to conduct a research project analyzing the contents of online pelvic pain support groups and forums.
I am reaching out to ask for your permission to use this data in my study because I know how stigmatized this topic can be. I, myself, experience pelvic pain and tend to frequent websites like this one in lieu of seeking medical help for several reasons. As a medical student researcher, I am interested in conducting this study to learn what folks talk about on these online forums that they aren’t necessarily bringing to their doctors. This study will look for qualitative themes that arise from the data (comments/posts) and this information will inform medical professionals about concerns and thoughts that people with pelvic pain have that aren’t currently being addressed by the medical community. All data will be deidentified and screen names will not be used in our study at all to respect poster privacy.
I am happy to give you more details about the study via private message or to meet with you virtually about this. My goal is ultimately to bridge the gap between people with pelvic pain and the medical community through this study. Thank you very much for your time and work in managing this website.
Take care!
I am a medical student at the Penn State College of Medicine looking to conduct a research project analyzing the contents of online pelvic pain support groups and forums.
I am reaching out to ask for your permission to use this data in my study because I know how stigmatized this topic can be. I, myself, experience pelvic pain and tend to frequent websites like this one in lieu of seeking medical help for several reasons. As a medical student researcher, I am interested in conducting this study to learn what folks talk about on these online forums that they aren’t necessarily bringing to their doctors. This study will look for qualitative themes that arise from the data (comments/posts) and this information will inform medical professionals about concerns and thoughts that people with pelvic pain have that aren’t currently being addressed by the medical community. All data will be deidentified and screen names will not be used in our study at all to respect poster privacy.
I am happy to give you more details about the study via private message or to meet with you virtually about this. My goal is ultimately to bridge the gap between people with pelvic pain and the medical community through this study. Thank you very much for your time and work in managing this website.
Take care!
jlingmummy
New Member
Sharing my experience here to help those who are in the same situation. Suffered vaginismus for many years, cant do normal transvaginal scans, pap smear etc, and if i forced myself to go ahead with it, i will usually have half a day of burning sensation to deal with later. Sex life is bad and despite the pain, i forced myself to endure sex during ovulation period so that I can have a baby. I’ll usually end up sore for a few days during BD days. I finally got pregnant but had big trouble going through scans and dilation checks. Fortunately, my Gynae is pro-natural in delivery and she encouraged me not to go for C-sect becos initiallly i wanted to avoid all the pain. I gave birth naturally with epi and after recovery, its seems that the ‘inside’ has been stretched and I no longer feel any pain at all. Even sex felt no pain and I do not fear it any longer. I’m on my 2nd pregnancy and even went for an early transvaginal scan, and I felt zero pain. So ladies, pls just endure, try to relax as much as possible, get hubby to massage until your body relaxes and if manage to get pregnant, go for natural delivery.
Colourfulgiraffe
New Member
Just discovered this forum and read all 32 pages of it. What a relief!
I am in my late 30s. Never dared to insert anything in. There was a lot of fear about pain, about bleeding when the hymen breaks, etc.
Fast forward to 3 days ago. I visited a gynae because we want to try IVF, and for the first time, talked about my fears and asked for help. “Can you please check that my hole is not too small and I’m normal?” I asked.
Her fingers were small and she was confident. Even when I squealed a little, she kept her finger inside. She calmed me down patiently and got me to think about “pain” vs “discomfort”. That really helped. She managed to insert her whole finger in, and told me that she can feel part of my hymen is torn.
She told me I “have potential” and “not the worst case definitely!” and suggested I that practise daily with the Amielle Comfort set. Cost $177. It’s been 2 weeks and now I can insert the 2nd one in. I try to practice almost daily, about 5x a week.
Keep practising, there’s hope!
I am in my late 30s. Never dared to insert anything in. There was a lot of fear about pain, about bleeding when the hymen breaks, etc.
Fast forward to 3 days ago. I visited a gynae because we want to try IVF, and for the first time, talked about my fears and asked for help. “Can you please check that my hole is not too small and I’m normal?” I asked.
Her fingers were small and she was confident. Even when I squealed a little, she kept her finger inside. She calmed me down patiently and got me to think about “pain” vs “discomfort”. That really helped. She managed to insert her whole finger in, and told me that she can feel part of my hymen is torn.
She told me I “have potential” and “not the worst case definitely!” and suggested I that practise daily with the Amielle Comfort set. Cost $177. It’s been 2 weeks and now I can insert the 2nd one in. I try to practice almost daily, about 5x a week.
Keep practising, there’s hope!
Attachments
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Taken thanks .
Thevowelsgirl
New Member
Two months is amazing! Great job you!! And yes i went to dr jess too at insync medical last yar. Couldn't agree more that she is amazing and very understanding. But unlike you, i have yet to recover. I can accomodate dilator 1 with ease. Size 2 to 5 still need lidocaine else i can't get anything in. I have attempted PIV sex successfullu so far but still need to dilate prior and need lidocaine. Hoping i can fully recover soon.
Thevowelsgirl
New Member
Colourfulgiraffe
New Member
Hi, for those who used lignocaine gel with dilators, can you share how you use it? Do you apply at the opening, or on the dilators? Do u wait awhile before inserting? How quickly were you able to progress with the gel?
xiehui1128
Member
very informative thank you mummies
babyiguana
New Member
Hihi,
I have very serious vaginimus issue where penetration is not possible at all and I have gone through IUI and IVF. Just that everytime when you go for scan, you will need to have a full bladder in order to be scan through tummy and you will need to tell ur gynae that you have this issue as well. And during the retrieval of follies and insertion of embryo, can go through sedation. Your ivf dr will know what to do.
I did my IUI with a private gynae twice and IVF fresh cycle at KKH 3 times.
All the best..
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Thevowelsgirl
New Member
I applied it on the dilator as how the doctor taught me. Then let the dilator rest on the vaginal entrance. It'll have a burning sensation for a while so usually ill wait this out. Then once worn off, insert the dilator in. With the numbing gel, nuch faster to gradually move up sizes. Cos don't feel as much pain. Can still feel pain but more bearable for me
poppydaisy
New Member
So thankful to have found forum! :’)
I want to get dilators but it’s sold out at vaginismus.com. Anyone knows alternatives?
I also want to see Dr Jess from Insync medical since so many of you have recommended.
How much is her consultation charges and how often did you have to visit and how many sessions did you take?
Tysm! <3
edit: anyone has the eBook from vaginismus.com and willing to share?
I want to get dilators but it’s sold out at vaginismus.com. Anyone knows alternatives?
I also want to see Dr Jess from Insync medical since so many of you have recommended.
How much is her consultation charges and how often did you have to visit and how many sessions did you take?
Tysm! <3
edit: anyone has the eBook from vaginismus.com and willing to share?
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Colourfulgiraffe
New Member
HSG with vaginismus
I recently went for a HSG test, which requires a speculum to be inserted + a dye injected, in order to check that your Fallopian tubes are not blocked. Did it at Thomson Medical.
Mentally and physically prepared myself for the procedure by practising with dilators. Could only get Size 2 out of 5 in, very slowly and with lignocaine.
Just wanted to say that the Nurse was very patient when I called (and when I cancelled coz I was scared and then rescheduled a month later). She made sure to be present during the procedure and was very patient and understanding and held my hand while I cursed in pain.
The doctor, didn’t say much. I dont even know if he used the lignocaine I brought. He pushed the speculum in pretty quickly. The pain was quite bad and I was tearing and cursing but Nurse told me not to give up otherwise I have to do it again at another place. So I bore with it. The dye was painful too (menstrual cramps feeling), but I was not in pain by the time I was done. Pantyliner had blood thereafter (not unexpected)
Left the place a little traumatised, but glad I went through with it and did what was necessary. I haven’t dared to use my dilators since (it’s been 5 days), I’m hoping the excruciating experience helped force open me more.
I just wanted to share, and maybe get some support from others who have been through this. Really envious of people who don’t feel pain when penetrated, sigh.
I recently went for a HSG test, which requires a speculum to be inserted + a dye injected, in order to check that your Fallopian tubes are not blocked. Did it at Thomson Medical.
Mentally and physically prepared myself for the procedure by practising with dilators. Could only get Size 2 out of 5 in, very slowly and with lignocaine.
Just wanted to say that the Nurse was very patient when I called (and when I cancelled coz I was scared and then rescheduled a month later). She made sure to be present during the procedure and was very patient and understanding and held my hand while I cursed in pain.
The doctor, didn’t say much. I dont even know if he used the lignocaine I brought. He pushed the speculum in pretty quickly. The pain was quite bad and I was tearing and cursing but Nurse told me not to give up otherwise I have to do it again at another place. So I bore with it. The dye was painful too (menstrual cramps feeling), but I was not in pain by the time I was done. Pantyliner had blood thereafter (not unexpected)
Left the place a little traumatised, but glad I went through with it and did what was necessary. I haven’t dared to use my dilators since (it’s been 5 days), I’m hoping the excruciating experience helped force open me more.
I just wanted to share, and maybe get some support from others who have been through this. Really envious of people who don’t feel pain when penetrated, sigh.
Yiling_1987
New Member
Did u get pregnant successfully?
Colourfulgiraffe
New Member
Hi, I have managed to overcome my vaginismus so I can tolerate medical procedures. It has taken me 8 months as I went down many rabbit holes. I wish to share what worked and what didn’t work and hope this helps other ladies in this situation.
WHAT DIDN’T WORK
- The vaginismus.com books which recommended lots of kegels. All PTs I worked with later told me kegels are the wrong way to go. If your muscles are tight, they have tone. They don’t need to be strengthened. I will throw those books away rather than give away and misinform others.
- Forcing myself to practice for an hour (very slowly) on dilators almost everyday. Bad pacing and made me dread it all.
WHAT WORKED
- Mirror & touch therapy. Slowly explore your bits and get used to the pressure.
- Women’s pelvic floor physio. I highly recommend Embrace Physiotherapy (not getting any commission). Pricey. I had some pain education which completely changed my mindset on what is pain and what is just stretching.
- KKH Sexual Health Clinic. Very professional team & cheap if you go through Polyclinic referral.
- Pacing myself, only 5min practice every alternate day.
I wish all ladies good luck. It can be done. All the best!
WHAT DIDN’T WORK
- The vaginismus.com books which recommended lots of kegels. All PTs I worked with later told me kegels are the wrong way to go. If your muscles are tight, they have tone. They don’t need to be strengthened. I will throw those books away rather than give away and misinform others.
- Forcing myself to practice for an hour (very slowly) on dilators almost everyday. Bad pacing and made me dread it all.
WHAT WORKED
- Mirror & touch therapy. Slowly explore your bits and get used to the pressure.
- Women’s pelvic floor physio. I highly recommend Embrace Physiotherapy (not getting any commission). Pricey. I had some pain education which completely changed my mindset on what is pain and what is just stretching.
- KKH Sexual Health Clinic. Very professional team & cheap if you go through Polyclinic referral.
- Pacing myself, only 5min practice every alternate day.
I wish all ladies good luck. It can be done. All the best!
prayingforamiracle
New Member
Hello,
I would like to visit Dr Jess from Insync. Could someone let me know what her charges are like?
I have been practicing with dilators, managed to use all the way up till size 4 but always get stuck at size 5. Not sure if my practicing style is incorrect hence wanted a medical professionals opinion.
Hoping to finally overcome this issue and have penetrative sex so that we can start trying to conceive. Time is ticking and this has really taken a toll on us
I would like to visit Dr Jess from Insync. Could someone let me know what her charges are like?
I have been practicing with dilators, managed to use all the way up till size 4 but always get stuck at size 5. Not sure if my practicing style is incorrect hence wanted a medical professionals opinion.
Hoping to finally overcome this issue and have penetrative sex so that we can start trying to conceive. Time is ticking and this has really taken a toll on us
So glad to have found this forum. Both hubby & I are virgin. I didn't feel good since 1st time. Subsequently it got more uncomfortable to the point that i stopped intimacy. Subsequently i avoided this issue for few years until i went to seek treatment at KKH. But well at age 33 to 34, i kept thinking i was not that old. I did not take the therapy sessions seriously till two years passed. The team asked if i want to take a break cos there was literally no progress. It was a wake up call! It was Jan21 and i was close to age 36.
From then on, I did all my physio exercises diligently. I guess my fear of pain factor was too high. Progressing but considered slow as compared to others. After 1.5yrs, i finally did it with my hubby. Still with much difficulties. I experienced vagina dryness during non-ovulation and it increased my fears.
Now im 37, really want to try to conceive. I would prefer doing the deed than using a syringe. Do you ladies have any suggestion?
From then on, I did all my physio exercises diligently. I guess my fear of pain factor was too high. Progressing but considered slow as compared to others. After 1.5yrs, i finally did it with my hubby. Still with much difficulties. I experienced vagina dryness during non-ovulation and it increased my fears.
Now im 37, really want to try to conceive. I would prefer doing the deed than using a syringe. Do you ladies have any suggestion?
