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Vaginismus

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by Ital, Oct 24, 2009.

  1. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi,

    Would like to know if there is anyone who suffer from viginismus?
    Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse.

    My hubby said i m one of them.But so far have never heard of any one saying this before.
    Am i normal?


    pls advise.
     


  2. mist

    mist New Member

    ital23,

    yap, there's such a condition... some ladies suffer from it......

    If u are really concer, go see a gynae and speak to them. They can give u medical advice.
     
  3. mrs_n

    mrs_n New Member

    Hi ital

    You're completely normal even if you had vaginismus. However it is a condition that is possible to overcome. I did. [​IMG]

    http://www.vaginismus.com/ The website is good for info and the forum helped a lot too.
     
  4. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Mrs N,

    Feel happy for you.[​IMG]
    I have done many research online and found this link as well.
    My hubby even purchased the self help treatment kit for me .The set is equip with a set of dilators ( vary for different sizes),a book and also a video to watch.I have just started to read the book.
    But when i saw the set of dilators,i was in fear.How can i possible insert this thing into my hole?? How do you overcome such problem?I m very worried that i cannot overcome my fear and cannot have babies.

    Can you advise me?
     
  5. mrs_n

    mrs_n New Member

    Hi ital

    I suggest that you go through the book step by step. Take your time to learn the relaxtaion techniques, breathing and practise the kegels. Do this first before you even think of the dilators. How quickly one overcomes depends on the individual, some people overcome within a few weeks some take a few months, there is no set time for it. The thing is to take it at your own pace. Do join in the vag forum. I found the encouragement and support on there very helpful.
     
  6. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Mrs N,

    i don't mind to just learn the relaxtaion techniques, breathing and practise the kegels.But do you think it is necessary to use the dilators to solve this problem?

    I really want to know how those who has suffered from this illness get treated well by just doing the simple steps.is that possible?
     
  7. witch

    witch Active Member

    Hi Mrs N, I'm so happy for you that you are able to overcome Vaginismus [​IMG]

    ital23, how is your "treatment" coming along?

    To be honest, I have Vag and believe it or not I have just given birth to my baby 3 months ago. Nope, I still have not overcome Vag but i am trying to. Hopefully it is easier now that I have given birth.
     
  8. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Ashley,

    Wow...great for u.[​IMG]

    I m trying my best to use the stupid dilator to slowly open up the hole although i really have the fear whenever i insert it.i worried it will hurt my hole or cause bleeding.My hb is helping me with the process too.I have little confidence to sucess to be frank.Can you tell me what method you have use to conceive?i m already 31 years old.hope to hear from you.
     
  9. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Ashley,

    u may email me if ur not comfortable to post here.thanks
     
  10. mrs_n

    mrs_n New Member

    Hi Ital

    Haven't come across this thread in a long while.

    Try to relax when using the dilator. Are you still on the smallest one? I used to have that fear too but once I started trying it became less fearful. I used to be very afraid of the largest one and thought I will never get it in. Best thing to do is not to think of the next step but concentrated on the first one until you become comfortable with it. The truth is Vag is possible to overcome but it won't be an overnight process.

    It is worth going through the steps of relaxtion and kegels not only to overcome vag but as I've discovered later during labour. I think it was the relaxtion techniques and the use of kegels which I learned in the process that helped me to achieve a natural drug free labour with my son and I hoping to do the same for my second in May. [​IMG] So while the 10 Step process of overcoming Vag where you'll have to work thru' the kits step by step may seem like a huge pain in the neck at the present moment, all the hard work you put in now will eventually benefit you in the long run.

    Sorry for rambling on but if you like and want to talk about your vag feel free to pm as I don't always have the time to come on here.
     
  11. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Mrs N,

    yes.I m still on the smallest one and my hb said the dilator can go in half for the 2nd time i have tried and also using the relaxation techniques concurrent .But can i ask you if the largest one go it,will it bleed?That is my biggest fear.[​IMG] how to pm you by the way?
     
  12. mrs_n

    mrs_n New Member

    ital no it won't bleed. Are you using lubricant?

    It it good that you can get the 2nd dialator half way through. Just keep working slowly on it. Maybe try to get a little bit more in each day. You'll get there eventually. I had trouble with the 3rd one had to work on that for a few months before I managed to get it all in. Take it slowly and steadily you're doing fine.You managed to get the first one in and that is success in itself. Don't think so far ahead just concentrate on getting thru' the 2nd dilator now. [​IMG]

    For PM just click on my nick.
     
  13. quinn27

    quinn27 New Member

    Hi All, I am married for 7 months and plagued by the problem of having "no hole" and pain. I've seen doctors, tried ways of relaxation thru drugs and alcohol..nothing seems to work.

    While I am depressed, I am also desperate to find a solution... I've just purchased the Vaginismus Kit after months of deliberation..

    Thank you all for posting online. It helps tremendously to know that I am not alone.
     
  14. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Quinn,

    you have mentioned that you have seen doctors and what did the doctor said? are you seeing gynae also?
    I also went to see a gynae and had quite a bad experience that leads me really helpless and dunno what to do at that moment.

    I can fully relate how you are feeling right now.
    This "illness" really makes me suffer a bit of depression i guess and whenever i think of this problem ,my tears would drop automatically.

    BUT PLS DO NOT BE DISCOURAGE!!!

    When my hb first purchased the vaginisum kit for me and i saw those different sizes of dilators,i really get very scared.I do not even have the courage to try to insert it at all .
    But i told myself that i must still attempt to try it even though i m really scared of pain ... But i Must bite the bullet for the sake of my hb.[​IMG]

    I m now into the 2nd dilator and it can go in half.
    I feel quite encouraging when the dilator can go in so this shows that i m Normal.
    I hope i can overcome this and be sucessful in TTC.So pls do not feel discourage and depressed.
    Start by reading the books and doing the relaxation techquines and slowly do the insertion.You can do it ! I have done many research online to see whether is there any other methods that can cure vaginisums,but no other methods can cure except the dilators insertion.

    Update me your progress .good luck!

    Mrs N > i begin to feel that there is hope for me.Thanks for your encouragement.[​IMG]
     
  15. quinn27

    quinn27 New Member

    Hi ital,
    Thank you for your encouragement.

    I've received the kit and reading the book now. I'll update you all about my progress. But right now, nothing as yet.

    I am not seeing a gynae already. The last was my family doctor who is very experienced in women's health. I've also gone for scans, no problems.

    But one thing however, since my undergrad days, I already experienced "burning" sensation when the doctors tried to take a swipe of sample for yeast test using a cotton bud.

    The doctor has tried giving me relaxants, lubricants, and even painkillers to sooth the pain. However, nothing seems to work.
    I've tried getting myself drunk, thinking it would make things easier, but it still doesn't work. Finally, the doctor suggested that she could send me to a gynae to make a small cut on my hymen if it's found to be too thick. However, I don't think that's the case la. It's really my PC muscles tensing up.

    I would say my problem is mainly psychological due to strict beliefs that I've imposed on myself since young, and also probably the fear of pain.

    I still feel sad and depressed, and even envious of the youngsters who seemed to be able to do it so easily. I would sometimes wonder if things would have been different if I had "given in to impulse" when i was younger. And I also feel insecure that my husband may turn to other sources for his sexual needs. Although I trust him, i can't help but feel that my condition will drive him to seek other women some day. And i fear I will never bear children.


    Ital, how long has it been since you started with the "treatment"? Have you ever given up hope during the course of the treatment?
     
  16. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Quinn,

    I m quoting from your thoughts below:

    i still feel sad and depressed, and even envious of the youngsters who seemed to be able to do it so easily. I would sometimes wonder if things would have been different if I had "given in to impulse" when i was younger. And I also feel insecure that my husband may turn to other sources for his sexual needs. Although I trust him, i can't help but feel that my condition will drive him to seek other women some day. And i fear I will never bear children.

    YES....I HAVE EXACTLY THE SAME THOUGHTS AS YOU WHEN I DID NOT started to use the kit.
    I even suffered from depression i guess.I can cried out suddenly when i thought of it.So i tried to do everything i can to fulfil my duties as a wife to make me feel better.

    I have actually started this year Jan.But not very consistent till my hubby makes me to do it very in a very disclipinary manner.2 - 3 times per week,depending on yourself,if you are too tired for the day,then don't do it.Exercise it when you are comfortable.[​IMG]

    It is very strange,when you can insert in,you will regain your confident and from there you will have the confident to overcome the fear.

    Keep it up!!! i m also trying to do it now.We must be perservance to overcome it for the sake of our hubby.[​IMG]

    I m glad that i have a very encouraging and patience hubby who is there to go thru with me this process.
     
  17. quinn27

    quinn27 New Member

    Hi Ital,
    Thanks for your encouragement. I dun feel so alone now. Keep up the good work!

    Today (3 May)in the New Paper, there is an article about someone suffering our condition.

    And i keep seeing this name Dr Martha Lee. I think I'll try with the kit first, if it doesn't work, my last resort is to seek help from her.
     
  18. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Quinn,

    I saw this article too[​IMG]so we are not the weird ones who has this illness!

    let update each other on progress.
     
  19. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Quinn,

    how is your progress coming along?

    Have u started to use the dilators?
     
  20. snowpony

    snowpony New Member

    Hi ladies,
    There is this doctor named Peter Chew from gleneagles who specialises in vaginismus. Not sure of his services but he is very well known. I am still considering whether to see him or not. I did not have sex with my hubby before n we are both virgins. After getting married for 2 months, we had a miracle baby since there wasn't intercourse. Now our girl is 6 yrs old n we want to give her a sibling. Also, we are not young anymore. I am already 34.
     
  21. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    Hi,
    I just got married nearly a month ago and I discovered that I had this problem. At first I thought that the painful penetration and hard to get in is because of my first time, but after repeated tries and failed, i become depressed.. Of course, naturally after marriage, you wanted to make love with your hubby and also you do not want him to be dissapointed... I have purchase the vaginismus kit.. but it wld take a few wks to arrive... waiting is so hard and i've read all the facts abt these... n also tried other ways to overcome it like hypnosis.. Nowadays, i do not feel so scared anymore compared to the early time, and i wanted to try again.. i felt kind of confident.. but i'm scared that my muscle wld betray me again...
    I just wanted to have a peaceful mind... so if i cld overcome it before the kit comes, it wld be better for me... any advise from those who have suffered?
     
  22. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    since i've known so much facts due to my research abt sex and vaginismus.. i've already known that i shld not be scared.. most of what I heard is myths... but will the muscle be triggered again even if i'm not scared and in a relax mode?
     
  23. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Snowpony,

    How do u have this miracle baby since u did not have any sex with ur hubby?i m still struggling hard to explore how to get preg with this illness.
     
  24. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi natashawan,

    i think it is up to individual.I have tried in a relax mode and tell myself not to scare. But my muscles still cannot operate automatically.I feel kind of frustrated and depressed at times .Even though i m using the kit now,i still struggling with the 2nd dilator.Really duno what to do at times when i thought of it.
     
  25. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    Hi ital23,

    my kit have not arrive yet... but, i felt that when i read the testimonials in the website, they cld be cured in 2 wks - 6 months time? r u taking longer than that? any particular reasons?
    i just got married a mth ago.. n i'm trying ALL ways to be cured.. coz I do not want this to destroy my life.. my moods r not okay nowadays...
    kind of depressing... seeing all kind of therapist wld cost me lot of money... kind of make me sad since the money cld be use for my hse reno or for baby and pregnancy check ups.. but instead, i hav to waste it in this kind of illness, which is not even a physical illness...
     
  26. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    i believe that this condition cld be a test of true love for couples.. and there are no illness that can't be cured except for Aids. when we experience this early and able to cure, maybe we wld treasure making love and our partner even more..
     
  27. siowzhabor

    siowzhabor New Member

    Hello,

    Nice to know y'all. I'm sorry. I know this sounds stupid. Can one of you help me buy the kit? I don't have a credit card. >_< Or do y'all know if the kit can be bought in Sg?

    Hope y'all are succeeding! :D
    Please help me! >_<
     
  28. cosybabylove

    cosybabylove New Member

    hi ladies
    initially i tot i have this or mabbe i really have. Frankly it hurts most times to have sex. But I wanna do it for my hubby.

    Besides to keep one mind relaxed, it's to keep telling myself I can do this, and of cos on the other hand, i ask my hubby to go slow, with the help with lubricant. It still hurts but at least we did it. Somehow i wonder am I the only gal who feels that sex is not all pleasurable? I enjoy the foreplay more. Probably ladies, shd have prolonged foreplay to arouse urself.
    Hope it really helps.
     
  29. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    Hi Cosybabylove... Maybe you did not suffer from Vaginismus, but Dyspareunia. They are related though.. People with Vaginismus could really want to make love, like me, really tried to relax but their muscle is still betraying them.
     
  30. cosybabylove

    cosybabylove New Member

    oh i see. I have not heard of it before. Anyway, I am ok with that. Pain is still bearable.
     
  31. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Debbie,

    Yes,the kit can be purchase from SG.
    Dr Yvonne Chan from Thomson Medical centre.
    But you need to call up to check whether is she able to sell you the kit only since you did not consult her.
     
  32. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Cosybabylove,

    Looking at your situation,think u probably did not suffer from vaginismus.I do agreed with natashawan.So you need not worried so much unlike us!
     
  33. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi natashawan,

    The time frame posted in the website is actually depends on individual.
    I m taking longer than that.Especially when the dilator can go in ,u will feel motivated,BUT when i m able to feel the pain,i will feel tense and will not dare to try again.worrying it might cause damage around.

    But have you seen a gyn on this?
     
  34. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    Hi ital23,

    I did not see a gynae yet coz I'm scared that I wld go to the wrong ones which do not know abt this condition... Waste my money yet they wld keep asking me to relax or more foreplay or sumthg like dat... Therefore, I self diagnosed it myself. Since the symptoms r the same. But I'm gonna try see a sex therapist too. She's an expert in this area.
    The problem is.. I think, r we such a scaredy cats compared to our mothers or grandmothers?
    Btw, y there is still pain? Hmm... did you do it properly? Did you watch the DVD?
     
  35. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    If the sex therapist works for me, I wld recommend her to you. Although it wld be a bit expensive. Btw, hope you wld continue visiting this site for updates. Thanks.
     
  36. Ital

    Ital Member

    hi natashawan,thanks for your concern.but i will not want to see a sex therapist as i have bad experience seeing one previously at raffles medical hospital.i feel uncomfortable seeing the doctor.in fact i have seen a gyn and she had actually give me a check up and said i m fine.it is pycho problem and i must overcome it myself. so i can only solve it by trying to use the dilators.i did not watch the dvd .i find it not very nice to watch.perhaps u can watch and advice me how to insert it without pain.
     
  37. babypaige

    babypaige New Member

    Hi ladies,
    My friend told me that there is a discussion on this topic and I'm very glad to share my experience here.
    I first realise my problem after I got married 2yrs ago. Nobody will understand what we had gone through besides whose who also experience this prob. I went to my gynae a few times and she told me that I'm totally fine physically. It's mental and I need a sex therpist instead. I'm very glad that my gynae manage to find one and she is a female. This sex therpist had a few successful cases. I also did went to http://www.vaginismus.com/ when my gynae told me on this prob. And I nearly wanted to buy the dilator and my therpist told me that lucky I didn't buy. This is very individual. But after a few sessions with her, i realli see improvement.
    And yes. our muscle there is damn tight and will shut our legs tightly right? Men will say that we are too tense bla bla bla.. But now is that we realli wanted to have sex but juz that our body is saying NO! right?
     
  38. babypaige

    babypaige New Member

    Btw, juz to add. The sex therpist my gynae helped me to find is Dr Martha Lee. Whom I think i saw her name in previous post.
    Am not trying to promote her, but I would advise anyone to juz give urself one more chance juz by goin to see her juz once. You will feel the difference.. =) She realli helped me alot and gave me alot of support. Am very sure that i will definately succeed one day!! As I'm improving bit by bit everyday! =)
    So ladies, jia you ya? We ALL are able to solve this prob. =)
     
  39. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    Hi babypaige,
    i just went to her 2 days ago and yeah.. she's fantastic in doing her job i have to say.. N she even told me that my case was not that bad and maybe i would not even have follow up sessions with her and i could succeed after first session... [​IMG] That's why.. I wld try to do the exercises everyday and hope to have gd news soon... [​IMG]
    Dear ital23,
    Dr Martha is the therapist that I wanted to recommend to you previously.. I have book an appointment with her when I wrote in this forum coz I'm open to any treatment as long as I cld be cured of my fears... but, you seems negative coz of a bad experience.. but just to let u know that she won't check you up or show you gross things... you wld be able to take it.. trust me..
    And the gd news is that she told me that we cld succeed even without dilators..
    so since you are having problems with it, you cld give Dr Martha a try ok.
     
  40. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    regarding the dvd,, i also have not watch it...
    but as soon as i got the package, my husband open it and ask me to watch it with him.. but i'm not ready to watch yet coz i wanted to read the book first but he scold me and told me that why did i buy if i do nt want to watch... very upset with him.. n i explain to him i wld watch it when i'm relax and ready not when i'm tired furthermore i just got the package mah... but i did glance a bit... n i know that most of it is abt relaxing our pc muscle n our whole body so that our vagina is more open to accepting thgs... actually i thought that you r doing great already so pls dun give up. I am really hating this vaginismus coz I think its not by choice and its really unfair to women in general. N mostly husbands cld easily have a reason to stray especially since we have this condition. Coz even for women who r perfectly normal, the husbands cld still stray right.. N i hate that kind of feeling. I hate that we do not have a choice. Its beyond us. We deserve to be happy too. So, we really really must not give up to vaginismus.
     
  41. Ital

    Ital Member

    Hi Natashawan / babypaige,

    Thanks for both recommandations.Can i ask a few ques if seeing Dr Martha Lee?

    1) How should i book appt?

    2) Roughly how long is each session?

    3) How much per consultation?

    4) What she do during the treatment process?

    5) to go alone ? or with hubby better?

    After reading both statements,think i should give myself another chance to a sex therpist.

    Pls advise the ques above.[​IMG]

    Thank you for all the sharing and encouragment.
    I am glad that i have posted this topic.
    I really get to know many informations.
     
  42. Ital

    Ital Member

    Natashawan,

    Errrr...i find the dvd is disgusting to watch .
    I only watched about 15 min and i just switch off.
    The dvd is actually showing this women also has got this problem and show how she insert the dilator on her own ,using the help of the mirror.
    errr...i think must be metally prepared before you watch it else you will be frighten off .I m .and i would not advise the guy to watch it also.abit turn off
    Sometimes Guys are selfish.they just want us to solve this problem so that they can enjoy love making process.
    But read the book first before you watch then u can understand.
     
  43. babypaige

    babypaige New Member

    Hi ital23,

    Below are my ans..

    1) How should i book appt?
    - I book my 1st appt by email. Then she will get back to me.

    2) Roughly how long is each session?
    - Estimated about 1hr.

    3) How much per consultation?
    - Depends on your income. You can check with her when u make appt wif her.

    4) What she do during the treatment process?
    - Throughout the session, it is a no touch session. So, dun worry. Can't share much here. You will know when you meet her. ;) and it helps and u will really feel the change.. ;)
    Natashawan, agree?? :p

    5) to go alone ? or with hubby better?
    Go alone. =)

    Give yourself another chance with therpist.
    Before her, I had even gone to see psychiatrist and gynae. But sex therpist is still the best! =)She is a qualified clinical sexologist
    More information from : http://www.eroscoaching.com/
     
  44. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    hi ital23,

    i know what it is abt.. coz i got see some of them... a little bit image...
    i dun really feel disgusted its just that i'm not ready to see other ppl's when i haven't even seen mine yet.. hehe
     
  45. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    hi ital23,

    i know what it is abt.. coz i got see some of them... a little bit image...
    i dun really feel disgusted its just that i'm not ready to see other ppl's when i haven't even seen mine yet.. hehe
     
  46. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    Ok for Dr Martha Lee.. mine is a bit diff from babypaige.

    1) yes, i also book mine by appointment.
    2) mine is ard 1 hr 45 mins. 15 mins more than the stipulated time she told me.
    3) I think maybe depends on the hours.
    4) mostly she review your case first to see what is the real problem, teaches you exercises, some explanations and yeah.. no touching our private parts at all!!
    5) she advise me to go with my husband.. but i think its gd to come as a couple coz she wld advise on what the husband can do too to help the wife overcome the fears... i also think she is gd.. [​IMG]

    basically, after going, i think most of our problems here are we fear what we dun know mah.. no basic knowledge.. N maybe most of us here comes from a strict/religious/sheltered background.. am i right? But, Dr Martha makes it sound so easy n not disgusting at all...

    btw, babypaige.. did u find all the exercises easy?
     
  47. babypaige

    babypaige New Member

    Hi natashawan,
    I try to do the exercise daily and exercise such as kegal, I do as and when.. Even when I'm sitting n standing... Kekeke...
    Juz in a few days, I realli feel there is something different in my body.. It may sound strange, but realli feel different. Try go to the classes conduct by Martha.. They are very useful.. Even if we can't have sex, but at least we can please our hubby in other ways.. =)

    Ital23,
    Go make an a ppt wif Martha, she really gave me the support. Up till nw, my muscle there is nt as tense and am able to I insert a small capsule vibrator.. Where last time I dun even dare to have anything near there.. And am very proud of myself and am confident that as long as we dun give up, we will succeed one day!
    Love,
    Babypaige
     
  48. natashawan

    natashawan Member

    Hi babypaige... i'm glad that you are making progress... [​IMG]
    Anyway, i did start the kegel immediately after my appointment (during the night), at first, i dun get it, but after that it was okay.. although i can't really do 100 in a day lah... but now, i'm gonna have my menses soon n my stomach is bloated and so on.. n now i feel like i'm havng difficulties doing it. I dunno why.. n esp sitting n also standing up is quite difficult to do it...
    Do you know why?

    Did you practise the kegel when inserting too?
     
  49. ribbonz

    ribbonz Member

    Hi, I'm also having this problem. It's been very trying and frustrating. I feel so useless as a woman. Cant have sex, cant get pregnant. [​IMG]

    Been to a gynaecologist who referred me to a psychiatrist. But the psychiatrist was not helpful at all and made my husband very mad at him. Then I went to another gynaecologist and he referred me to a counsellor who encourage me to use the dilator. But i feel the sessions were not very helpful in teaching me the steps. Now i'm relying on the virginismus book and trying the 1st dilator. I've managed to insert 2 Q-tips (cotton buds)though. After that, nothing else works. [​IMG]

    Does seeing the sexologist really help? I'm trying all sorts of ways to relax like having a bath, turing on music, doing kegals but i cant seem to get the 1st dilator in.
     
  50. babypaige

    babypaige New Member

    Hi ribbonz,
    Dun give up.. I totally understand what you had gone through.. becoz i also gone through tinking dat im useless, i cant have sex etc.. but dun give up! u have all our support here.. rite ladies? ;) it will juz a matter of time.. jia you k? =)
    As for me, i went to both counselling and sex theripst.. becoz i felt that i went to abit of depression that time.. the counsellor helped me with communicating and understanding hubby, and the theripst helped me with my prob.. Go drop Martha an email to make appt. =)

    Hi Natashawan,
    Take it slowly.. =) I think mayb your stomach is bloated? Or drop Martha an email and ask her? =) I believe she is more then willing to help you. =) To me, maybe becoz menses, dats why maybe the muscle there nt as flexi? That's what i tink oni lah.. ask the expert ba.. hee.. :p
    Well, When i try to insert, i do more breathing. =)

    Love, Babypaige
     

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