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Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by Ital, Oct 24, 2009.

  1. Peaces

    Peaces New Member

    Anybody still in the forum ??

  2. Peaces

    Peaces New Member

    I just
    Join in
  3. coachy0203

    coachy0203 Member

    im still here but active in another thread haha, if you read all the post from this thread, you probably have pretty much most of the info needed, but if anyone still wanna talk to a post-vag person, you can PM me.
  4. lyn00

    lyn00 New Member

    Those having pain during your sex can try to use "Xylocaine 5% lidocaine" numbing cream, can buy at Watson for less than $20.
  5. fadzah

    fadzah New Member

    Hi yes. I just went to see Dr Jess from Dr Tan and partners at Katong and she's so wonderful and patience. I bought a kit from her and she showed me how to use it at home together with my hubby. It's only day 3 but with determination I'm willing to work hard to solve my problem. Any qns for me dear?
  6. fadzah

    fadzah New Member

    Hi do you mind share your experiences with me and how long it took for you to overcome this? :)
  7. earlgreylavender

    earlgreylavender New Member

    Hi all! New member here. I have been married a month but am still unable to have penetrative sex too. My dilators arrived last week, and after a lot of attempts i managed to get the first one almost altogether in. It only happened once however and I haven't succeeded since, and in my next attempt with a tampon, I could only get half in. Going to see a gynae two weeks from now to rule out other causes (and since we plan to try for a baby at the end of the year we might as well get checked).

    Oh well for the sake of our hubbies let's keep trying! i never imagined sex would be so difficult hahaha. And keep this thread alive so that the girls who come after us know that they are not alone. :)
    carouser likes this.
  8. fadzah

    fadzah New Member

    hI do you purchase the dilators and the self help book from vaginimus.com?
  9. carouser

    carouser New Member

    Just joined too! Jiayou everyone!
    Cheerjoy likes this.
  10. Bellaeunhye

    Bellaeunhye New Member


    I have been married for 3 years but me and husband havent managed to have sex after so long. We went to see dr yu su ling from sgh for advice. She was very nice and prescribes me a vaginal kit from kkh.it comes in a nice pink pouch and im just starting to give it a go. Hope it works! =)
    coachy0203 and Cheerjoy like this.
  11. Freezingbear

    Freezingbear New Member

    Hi all,

    I chanced upon this forum while seeking help from Google. My wife and I have been married for 2 years and we still have not consummated our marriage. We are both virgins and did not know how to do it on our first night.

    Tried doing it subsequently and I was unable to penetrate. I was able to finger her but only with one finger and when I inserted more than one finger, she would feel the pain. Consulted GP and was prescribed Viagra to aid my erection and I definitely feel that my erection was much better but still not good enough to penetrate. Went back to the same GP and was told that she could be having vaginismus and recommended us Dr Martha Lee.

    We are not sure what the problem is. Is it me or her? Or both of us? Does anyone know the appropriate channel to seek for help? Like what kind of doctors/specialists to look for? I read about Dr Yu Su Ling from SGH and Dr Tan and partners from the above posts. Appreciate if anyone with similar experience could share with us.

    Many thanks!
  12. blur_blur_gal

    blur_blur_gal Member

    I had this vaginismus before and both of us went to Dr Martha Lee. Followed her advise and we managed to have successful penetration within 2 months of seeing her. Would recommend seeking advise from her.
  13. mayitbe

    mayitbe New Member

    Is it normal to experience sharp burning pain during first time penetration? My hb stop each time I experience this pain. I’m still clueless if I have this condition :(
  14. mayitbe

    mayitbe New Member

    and has anyone been successful from buying only the dilator kit minus the book from vaginismus.com as the whole treatment kit comes up to USD 90 which is expensive. TIA!
  15. pinkymiumiu

    pinkymiumiu New Member

  16. Dumbo182

    Dumbo182 New Member

    Hi, may I know if anyone still suffer from vaginismus?

    I am married for 3 years, unable to sexual intercourse with my hubby. These 3 years bring me disappointment, depressed and loss.

    I went to visit a gynae recently, she felt my problem could see a psychiatrist for help and which she refer me to 1.

    May I know by seeing a psychiatrist does it help much?

    My problem I feel is I cannot relax during the whole process, my body will curve up once my hubby try to finger me. Even I use the dilator , the smallest one cannot get in. I feel uncomfortable and tried to push it away.

    I really need help if anyone has ever success being treated.

  17. be-brave

    be-brave Member

    no harm in trying. go see the psychiatrist and see what she says. don't worry too much.

  18. mayitbe

    mayitbe New Member

    Hi there! I have the same issue as u but I did not visit gynae or psychiatrist. I went to the vaginismus website and purchase their treatment program instead and currently practise dilating. I feel is quite useful for me so far though I just started practising.

    Here is the website you can have a read. Others in this forum has mentioned about it too and their success. Hope this can help you overcome ur fears.

  19. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    Hi Everyone, I a m having the same issue and can't intercourse for few months. We have lack confident to go on for trying, partly come from my side. I will visit Dr Jess tomorrow to perform the checkup if my body works in order.

    I just hope this thread is still active, it has turn me down and depression for everything in my life.
    We are newly couple who married last Mid Year and because of stress and exhausted lifestyle, we never tried it until been this few months. At first, we throught the problem is my Hubby so he went for circumcision and it still never works (slightly better). The penetration like a blocking wall and I didnt even know where is the direction to penetrate (we were both virgins) .I feel fear and finger was able to insert sometimes but my heart beats was super fast, anxious.

    Pls help me , i am sinking down. and I am glad i found this website
  20. zard

    zard Member

    Hi i experinced the same thing before. But i went to katong dr if you scroll up to previous thread by fadzah thats the post im referring too. She helped alot! Everynight my hubby will put a gel(purchased at the clinic) for 20 mins and insert the kit. Need hubby support ya. Now im pregnant. And i used preseed (get at guardian etc.) as a gel when intercourse.hope this helps. :)
  21. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    Hi Zard, I am glad at least you give me a reply and you won't realize it helps me to boost up my self-confident. I hope I will meet with the right Doctor . It takes courage to express this embarrassing and shame issue to someone and I hope next year I am able to pregnant as I am at the mid of thirty. Alarm clock is ticking me and i can't get through my life peacefully.
  22. zard

    zard Member

    Dont woery dear.As long as we try and seek help you will get over this phase. I was once like you cry every night but lucky got my husband to help with the procedure. If anything you can just pm me ya :)
  23. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    Zard Thank you for your encouragement. I pray every night for this coming weekend for the checkup. I am a worried character type person and since I am in the mid of 30' , I will be more anxious and due to busy daily life .

    I hope one day I have the chance to tell you the good news . Will message you in case i need more details about the dilator after purchase. Have a sweet and good day
    zard likes this.
  24. simplyn

    simplyn New Member

    Hi everyone! I’m new here and would like to ask for your opinion...
    I was married a few years ago but my Husband and I had a divorce because we couldn’t consummate our marriage. As we were quite young then I didnt know there’s such thing as vaginismus. Thus, we didn’t seek help from any doct or counsellor.
    Now, I’m worried about getting to know man or remarrying because of my vaginismus issue. Would any man ever want to marry someone who can’t consummate a marriage? I always in tears whenever I think about this.

    My question is... should I seek help about this issue although I’m single now? I would appreciate it too if you can recommend any doct that I can go to. Thank you :)
  25. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    Hi. simplyn . I would be glad if I can able to help out in this matter. I am sorry as right now i am facing the same issue as well and plan to go for doctor for this coming weekend. Would recommend you if the doctor is kind and patient enough to sort out the issue with me.

    I do understand your feeling and please do not give up and continue to seek help although you are single but who knows, you will meet with the right person at the right timing. I hope this message would cheer you up as I do not wish that someone like me always living in tears, worries , hopeless, depressed . At least, it is not too late or strange when there is a best word to describe as "vaginismus". If you are reading this message right now, you have my best prayer from me.

    With all my supports and we will walk through this path, you are not alone my dear :)
  26. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    Hi Anyone can recommend me where to buy dilator set aside from vaginismus.com ? Earlier post said that bought some Sgh with pink color. I just hope to get a fancy color which will make myself better in the color
  27. simplyn

    simplyn New Member

  28. simplyn

    simplyn New Member

    Hi dear! Thank you for your words of encouragement. I hope you’ll stay strong too and may you overcome this issue soon:)

    I was thinking will it be ok for a lady to get themselves checked for vagismus when they are single now? I’ve never went to a doct to get myself checked while I was married previously.
  29. coachy0203

    coachy0203 Member


    I think the first thing for you to do is to discuss with your ex hubby about vaginismus see if he is willing to go through this journey with you since now that you realise the main issue that caused the divorce is because of the unconsummated marriage. Also its not easy to go through this journey by yourself.

    At the moment, you might consider :

    1. buying the kit first, read others experience from the vag forum and this forum.

    2. practice kegel

    3. Practice the dilators.

    4. Eventually you will need a partner (who is your ex hubby in this case) to actually practice the most important "exercise" - intercourse.


  30. Dumbo182

    Dumbo182 New Member

    Hi, how ur visit with your doctor? Is she or he helpful? I do also need help. Thanks
  31. simplyn

    simplyn New Member

  32. simplyn

    simplyn New Member

    Hi dear. Thank you for your suggestions! I would love to Inform him about this issue unfortunately he’s remarried now.
    It hasn’t been an easy journey for me ever since the divorce because I kept blaming myself for it. Even now, I’m afraid to get into a relationship. How do I tell the guy my condition?:(
    Nonetheless, I pray to God for every lady facing this same issue to be able to overcome it:)
  33. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    Hi sorry for late revert. I can't make it earlier due to mences. I will visit the doctor by this week and will update you soon . Don't give up and you are not alone . hugs
  34. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    Hi Simplyn, I am sorry to hear that for your current situation and it must be struggling for you throughout the years.

    Sometimes, I tried to avoid this topic but the alarm clocking has rang me up so I guess I need to make a move to resolve my issue. I have just ordered the dilator from vaginismus.com.I know currently you do not have any new relationship yet but I think with the dilator, you may able for the self-insertion. I will help you ask the doctor for my coming visit to the gynae.

    I prayed most of the time and pray God will strengthen my heart and body for this obstacle in my life. As I said, you are not alone and welcome to message me personally for anytime you need an ear as a listener. Let's us walk through this path.

    Everybody will face some difficulties in the life in terms of stress, career, relationship and money . With this "vaginismus", it has even burden up the path and I have even think to quit the relationship as to release from this issue. Somehow, I know this will not be the final fantasy too. With hugs and lots of Love for you my Dear , be strong :) God will be with you
  35. Eva.L

    Eva.L New Member

    Hi all, just wanna share that I used to have vaginismus. I went to a gynae whom referred me to Dr Roy Ng from NUH, and he thought my how to do kegel exercise the correct way - pushing to open up the vagina (pushing is like when you want to pee really fast), contract to close it up (like when you want to stop peeing). Usually when we are tense, we will contract.

    He advised us to use fingering first before moving on to dilators. When inserting fingers / dilators, try to push to open up the vagina. He suggested that me and my hubby try foreplay longer so that I can relax. These advises both worked for me. I hope this will work for you ladies too.

    Also, I realise I had to "practise" more frequently because of muscle memory - it became more painful when we stop trying for more than 2 weeks after a surgery that I had.

    After trying for more than a year, we were able to overcome it. I am very thankful that my hubby has been very patient with me.

    Do not give up! Seek medical help if need to! Available to chat via PM if need to, just wanna help more ladies who met the same issue with me
  36. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    Hi Simply and Dumbo, I just want to update you that I just visited Dr Jess from Dr Tan & Partner. FYI, she is no longer under Dr Tan & Partner and you may contact her at 8808 8027 for her personal contact for the appointment. She is a good doctor and discuss with an open arm , without prejudice and with encouragement. Strongly encourage both of you try to visit her. You won't felt embarrassing and no harsh feeling , trust me.

    However, please bring your own dilator as the dilator from her clinic is expensive which is $270+. I was ordered through vaginismus.com . My first visit was about an hour and success to insert 3 dilators with the numbing cream and lubricant. With the numbing cream, i believe it will distract your fearful .

    I tried to insert smallest and no 2 size dilators after went home without numbing cream and it was successful without pain or discomfort. I felt the physical is whereby the mindset which block you ahead and I tried to take a deep breath, prayed , sing while insert the dilators (try any method which comfort you). According to my hubby, the first move to spread your leg widely is the key point as the tense muscle will affect the hymen of your vagina. Foremost, you have to stay on relax mode.

    My consultation one hour is about $280 but we learnt something and some sex knowledge as well and she is a nice, open-minded lady and here you go, I hope this message does boost up both of your feeling and outside there, for anybody who experience this.

    At least, take a step to visit gynae to ensure our hymen is healthy and you are one step closer to the goal.
    I will continue practise and I hope soon and sooner, the rainbow will be seen after the storm. with lots of hugs
  37. simplyn

    simplyn New Member

  38. simplyn

    simplyn New Member

    Hi dear! I’m glad you managed to find help. I really hope everything will go well for u!:) And thank u so much for the info and the help! God bless you. Hugs!❤️
  39. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    Hi simply, I hope you can pay a visit to the Doctor too. No harm for trying and I hope you will gone through all this obstacle and stay happy my dear:)
  40. Miss_Mirac

    Miss_Mirac New Member

    hi anybody here ? how is everyone progress. send my warmest regards
  41. Weeling Low

    Weeling Low New Member

    Hi anyone still on this thread? I just wanna know if Vaginismus goes away itself. My husband is blaming me for this and our relationship is bad enough to go for a divorce. Will it go away if I keep attempting love making and ignore the pain?
  42. Eva.L

    Eva.L New Member

    To be honest, it is probably something psychological, and will not go away by itself if you do not try to overcome it.

    Your husband should be more understanding, forcing you to have sex when you're in pain is not.

    And to help yourself, I suggest you seek help from a gynae or Dr Martha Lee. We have sought help with Dr Roy Ng from NUH (his profile is here: http://www.nuhgynae.com.sg/cos/o.x?c=/wbn/pagetree&func=view&rid=1056143), he was very patient and explained the pelvic muscles to us. He then examined me while showing the different parts of my private part to my husband. He also taught me what to do during intercourse to reduce the pain.

    I hope this helps. But to solve the problem is not to be in self-denial.
  43. blur_blur_gal

    blur_blur_gal Member

    I don’t think your hubby really loves you since marriage is not all about sex, if just because of this condition he wants to divorce do you think he will be there for you to face further challenges in life in near future?
    Vaginismus will not go away without treatment. I was once suffering it for few months and went to see dr Martha lee and got over it after months of practicing and having kids in the end.
  44. Manora

    Manora New Member

    Only your gynae can really help with this.
  45. PinkSparkle

    PinkSparkle New Member

    I just got married nearly a month ago and I discovered that I had this problem. At first I thought that the painful penetration and hard to get in is because of my first time, but after repeated tries and failed, i become depressed.. Of course, naturally after marriage, you wanted to make love with your hubby and also you do not want him to be dissapointed...

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