Support group - Miscarriages

Hi charis,

i find that u r a very spiritual n a great believer in life n god..to tell the truth, i was very angry with god after my m/c coz i prayed so hard not to have an infection and to leave me at least 2 of my babies behind..so after my m/c, i became very bitter n even said to my husband tat i hated god or didnt even believe tat there was 1. now i feel tat everyting was a test and it showed how weak my faith was. hopefully, i have learnt not to blame god for things tat didnt go my way or to pray onli when things go wrong.

coral/val - really glad tat u have a supportive family..for my case, i actually am avoiding them more now..coz i find tat a few of my family members very unsupportive..when i was pregnant, my sis-in-law would always say things like how my babies may not survive, etc..throughout my 5 mths of pregnancy, i was upset n depressed very often cause of the criticisms of having triplets and going thru ivf.

so now my ivf is a secret, only my sis n closest friends know..coz i know i wun get any support from my family..i not sure if im doing the right thing but if i do get pregnant, my husband and i intend not to let anyone know till i at least 6 mths, main reason is my husband scared my family would become very kaypo and say things again to make me depresssed.
 


puipui, I have supportive parents, but not my MIL, she is always saying that I'm weak. Something that I didn't share earlier, as I wanted to forgive her, she was the one who urge us not to hang on to my previous pregnancy. So this time round, I have not told her my preg and no matter how unwell I feel, i'll put on a brave front in her presence so she can't detect my MS. I don't want to hear her criticise my health and say negative things about my marriage. My mum keep telling me to tell her as I did not tell my mum abt my MIL. Luckily, hb understand, so he keeps quiet abt my preg when we're at my inlaws place. Although I would love to share with my FIL, I can't say it cos my MIL will know and say negative things again. So, we'll just have to be strong. And if we know anyone who's negative, then just keep it from them till no way to hide.
 
hi thewife,
:p sorry... I mean when I opted for the natural medicine and I took a medicine to help speed up the expulsion... it was a horrible experience for me.... cos I had very bad cramps... the feeling is like very bad cramps plus very bad food poisioning... keeping going to toilet.. cos the medicine also results in diarrhoea.... maybe becos I have very weak stomach...
I could not even seat or walk properly ...leg was very wobbly and weak..and I have to rush down to the hospital and get an injection to feel better.....
I'm not scaring you... maybe my case a bit drastic... :p

My case was a bit complicated......cos after I went for the medication option, my aunt scolded me and took me to see a chinese sinseh.... the sinseh prescribed a chinese herbs for me to expel the blood cos he say not the womb is not clean yet.....and he told me that it's not good for the blood to stay in there for too long... cos will have "Hou Yi Zheng"..... but after a while the bleeding continues.... then I start to feel pain... one day cannot tahan anymore, went to see gynae... then knew that the bb was actually stuck in the tube... so had to undergo an emergency surgery to remove the bb as the bleeding that I have been having was actually the tube bleeding....by then I was actually in my 12 weeks of pregnancy liao.... when I thot bb was already gone at week 7. To think that I was actually regretting not undergoing D&C then cos it was a very taxing experience for me....as I keep seeing the blood... and it took me a while to finally get over it.....
Never would I imagine that I was moving closer to death as each day passes..... cos the tube could have burst......
So, from that perspective, it was a good thing for me..... but I think it's your personal preference that matters.....
All I can say that, whatever it is, pray for God guidance and ask him to give you strength....
I believe without him, I would not be where I am now.
happy.gif
So take good care and be positive.
happy.gif
 
hi coral,

thks for sharing..its jus tat my mum and mil had hurt me alot when i needed them most..my mum once said very hurting things like god took my babies away cause god felt tat they were no good..at the hospital, my husband and her went into the other room where my babies were laid, i was still weak in bed, she came back and first thing she said was, mummy tried to open their mouth, they have tongues! i just couldnt believe my ears..till now i jus harbour this anger n sadness..i dun wan to tell her how much she hurt me coz i knw it will just make everything more upsetting and anyway wats done is done..i know she dun mean it so in a way i forgive her and in my heart, she still my mother, but i jus wish tat she didnt say those things in the first place.

as for my mil, she didnt even wan to attend the babies cremation..onli my fil attended with 1 of my sis-in-law..the rest didnt bother to turn up..1 of them, worse still, onli sms my husband not ask abt us but wan to kaypo and kep asking wat happen..aft that no sound at all. my mil reason was tat she was busy cleaning the house..she blamed me for doing ivf and kept saying i waste money etc..and i lost the babies coz of ivf..i jus feel tat i dun have any support at all..so only thing i can do is to avoid my family and pray i can get pregnant soon and move on with my life..and as u mentioned, keep from them till cannot hide anymore..
 
puipui,
I know that it is not easy to overcome the grief..... I for one, did question why God wanted me to go thru this and why give me false hope and then take it away as I have been praying for bb...
After I calm down, I started praying and realised that God is testing our faith... and my hubby keep reminding me that everything happens for a reason... when bad things happen God is testing us, he is waiting to see how respond and where we place our faith......so no matter what happen.... seek solitute in God and he will give us strength to go through anything.....
it's normal for us human to fall, but most impt is to pick ourselves up time and again and by placing our faith in him, he will grant us our wish.... it's only a matter of time....

I think you have the right to choose the path. don't bother about what others say.....
happy.gif
 
puipui, you do have support. You have a loving hb who is protective of you. You have us here, we'll support you all the way. Let's just forgive them for the nasty things they say. Hating them will only make us ugly too. We want to be in nice mood and nurture beautiful bbs.
 
Puipui,
of cos I too ask God why He did not protect my little Janelle well,
But we christians and I realise this miscarriage happened for a reason,
is actually showing my parents how God's show me wif his love and care
cos one of my cousin is a christian, and she actually heard from my mum that
'church people are so good, come to hospital and home to visit me etc...'
so my cousin is telling her is God's love taking good care of me
and thru this incident, I am glad that my family seeing God's comfort to my life when trials happen
seeds are sow into their hearts and hee.... I prayed for salvation is stepping closer soon =)

I thk God for their love, cos when I m/c, initially I was worry they will blame me etc...but turn out I gots lots of TLC frm my family. My ILs are overseas but my MIL do advise me rest well n drink more wine,haa..western cultutre maybe
I hope your family members will stop say negative things abt your future pregnancy....
I dun understand why they not happy for u gng for IVF, it's ur last resort right?
However, most impt thing u hv support from your husband.

Coral,

think your MIL will be supportive for ur 2nd pregnancy this time round n review to her when u feel comfortable later.
aiya still got so many mths to go, wait till she see ur tummy bigger, just tell her u put on weight la,hehe :p
 
Hi Coral,
sad to say I didnt not managed to lose weight... think got to postphone it liao..... :p cos I've been really busy with work... maybe wait till after preggy :p Long wait... kekekek...
 
Hi thewife,

I just went through a D&C 2 weeks ago. In fact, today's my first day back at work.

When I went for my first scan at the gynae's, based on my last menstrual period, the baby was supposed to be about 8 wks and we were supposed to see a heartbeat. However, we didn't see it. Based on the baby's size, gynae said that the baby was likely to be only about 5 weeks old. So I was told to return back 1 week later for a follow-up scan. If still no heartbeat detected, it is likely that the baby was gone already.

During the follow-up, I saw the baby's heartbeat. So it was confirmed that the baby was only 6 weeks old and not 9 weeks as initially estimated. My next appointment was scheduled for 3 weeks later, ie, week 9.

However during the scan on third appointment (Sat, 18 Feb) the sad news came - my baby had died about 10 days after the scan at week 6. My case is also a missed miscarriage because between wk 6 & 9, I didn't experience any signs/symptoms that indicated something was wrong. Perhaps this sounds cold, but on reflection, I was pretty calm upon hearing the news and we made arrangements during that appointment itself to go in for a D&C on Monday. Maybe it's coz I could see for myself the state of the baby in my womb and I felt in my heart that what the gynae told me was true. So, we just proceeded to arrange for a D&C without any research and second opinion.

The actual D&C procedure itself is very fast. I checked in at abt 8am and checked out at noon. According to my mum, surgery time itself was less than an hour. Physically, I was feeling my normal self by Tuesday. I spent most of Monday afternoon sleeping away the after-effects of the anesthestic. The most painful part physically was the night before the surgery. I was prescribed 2 pills that help to loosen the womb lining to make the surgery easier; the pills took effect very quickly. The cramps and blood flow were much worse than my normal periods. But coping with the pain and blood flow (I woke up in the middle of the night to change pads) distracted me from my grief. The hardest part emotionally for me was to take those 2 pills. So I was very thankful that hubby was there with me to give me emotional support when it was time to take them.

I went for my follow-up check last Mon after the surgery. Gynae says that my womb has shrunk back to normal, no signs of infection (Thank God!) and I am free to resume all normal activities - eg, exercise, sex etc. After the surgery, I spotted very mildly for most of the 2 weeks that I was at home on medical leave. During this time, I went on a mini confinement, ie, eat confinement food, bathe only with herbal water etc. I will still try to cook confinement food for my dinners at home until I reach 40 days or I see myself getting too heaty.

Every woman's experience with a m/c is different and I'm just sharing my story here. I don't expect you to after reading my story, be so "chop chop" about the D&C decision. It's a major decision and hubby & you should take time to discuss it over if you feel any unease about the D&C procedure. Likewise, you may also wish to explore more about the natural miscarriage process and decide which of the 2 you prefer. But also know that the age of the baby calculated according to last menstrual period may not be accurate and your baby may actually be younger than you think! It could still turn out to be a healthy baby! If you're Christian, perhaps you may wish to pray together with your hubby over your baby nightly? We did that and also read from the bible during the time I was preggie. It's an amazing bonding experience. Maybe I can accept this turn of events so calmly is coz I know my baby is now there with Him.
 
elmo, so long as you're healthy lah. Are you going to ttc soon? If yes, then maybe you get preg and we can encourage each other to lose weight after child birth.
 
Hi all,

I'm new and like to share my experience here and hopefully will get back to my own self asap. I've a D&C last Monday, 27th Feb, spotting and then it's gone. I was devastated but after resting and breaking in tears for a week, I felt much better. Today, I returned to my gynae for review. And things seem brighter now.

Hope everything gets back to normal and will ttc after that... Anyone out there gynae is Dr HK Ho from MTA...

Just wonder how long do u bleed after D&C and will you bleed again after the post-op checkup... I spotted some bleeding after this afternoon checkup... Need some advice here... Thanks!
 
Coral,
:p kekekek... at least I don't fall sick lately.... it was a nightmare after my miscarriage... I keep getting sick until about couple of months back... finally got resistance liao... Hopefully I bu enuff...cos I really very KS... drink so much bu. :p hahhahah.... dunno got over bu or not.
I think I drank too much high calories stuff during my confinement...taht's why put on weight. :p
Yup.... but will leave it in the hand of God for now.. guess I have done everything I could already....so will not think about it too much.
happy.gif

Maybe I also don't dare to think about it...
 
hi puppy, think it depends... most likely around 1-2 weeks thou there are some that takes longer than that.....
if it's just slight bleeding, could be becos of the abrasion caused by the scan....if not, then it could be becos the bleeding has not totally clear in the first place... judging from wat you have said, I think your bleeding should stop quite soon... then you can take those bu xue stuffs liao.
Take good care ya?
 
hi ladies,
just came back. despite feeling more nauseous and puking, still cannot see the embryo. My gynae is very sure that its not viable as my waterbag kept growing - 25mm. We immediately schedule for D&C on Thur.
But my hubby was very upset because he could not get an answer from gynae why this happen (we know its either the egg or sperm)and what exactly should be done to prevent this again. Even IVF has only 30% of success and charged at a high rate.
 
hi thewife..

Glad u r back..was really concerned..thought abt u after I left the forum this evening. Like cookie's gal said..u may have be inaccurte in yr last menstral period date..so actual age of baby mayb wrong. Do go for 2nd opinion b4 u decide for D & C. Anyway, its ok to cancel..nobody shld rush u into it, even a gynae. I have a few church ladies, who also had this problem..cant see the baby or no heartbeat, but another gynae scan & found their baby. I recommend, my 3rd gynae, he found my baby, & my fren's other twin..he's Dr. Fong CW Gleneagles. He's a really skilled gynae. Do consider my advice..I feel really strong tat u shld go for 2nd opinion & wait..I'll pray for u & hubby. Remember I said, it wasnt easy for me, BUT i jus be strong, for the baby..for our baby...U may be giving him/her a chance. If u r in a dangerous or complicated position, yr body will show signs, like fever, really super painful cramps..I had powerful contractions, but i knew i was having the m/c, so i tahan, n i came out of it..no fever, so its not serious. GYnaes always say go D & C, its a std procedure, BUT its not a must, at least not immediately, unless u have ectopic, or developing an infection. In fact, yr symptoms are like morning sickness.

Do go for 2nd opinion..for yr baby's sake. 1 gynae can be wrong, its worth a try.
 
Hi puipui..

Ya..its not really my faith i shld so called 'boast' about, its the LORD that HE is good, & HE gave me hope in my pregnancy so that I can go on being strong til im sure my baby's gone, BUT when it ended HE gave me hope in my grief..that I'll heal from it emotionally & physically.
 
Evening Ladies,

Hi thewife, since u are still feeling nauseated, I agree with Charis that u should go for a second opinion.

Hi Qwer, no time no "see", thanks for your well wishes!

Hi puppy2006, sorry to hear about your loss, have u gone thro a miniconfinement? Do rest m eat well. You will go back to your usual self. It takes alot of willpower move forward but I m sure u can make it.

Haiz...ladies, this thread has given me alot of support. We are suppose to come in to console and to feel consoled right? Let's just put aside all strong words and negative feelings, ok?
happy.gif
 
Thewife,

I extract Bestwishes previous posting of the reasons behind m/c:

hi d woof
like u, im curious at the cause of miscarriage too but i dun hv a definite answer too and the doc could not give me any answer too.

It might be:

1) Chromosomal problems of the unborn child - These usually happen by chance. There is an increased risk associated with the woman's age and where one or both of the parents are carriers of a chromosomal disorder.
undiagnosed condition - If the pregnancy is planned the woman should make sure that any existing condition is under control before she conceives.

Doctors often blame "random chromosomal abnormalities" for the large majority of miscarriages. Depending on whom you ask, specific doctors may chalk up anywhere from 40-75% of miscarriages to random errors in the chromosomes of a zygote or embryo. The baby may have missing sections of vital chromosomes or extra copies of specific chromosomes that either make the baby incompatible with life or cause a woman's body to reject the baby. Since so many miscarriages occur due to chromosomal abnormalities, most doctors don't run tests on women who have just one miscarriage. It makes sense if you think about it. Error happen in cell division, especially when cells are dividing into gametes, and if an egg and sperm combine with the wrong number of chromosomes, it can sometimes just be impossible to build a human being with missing or extra genetic instructions.

When miscarriages happen due to random chromosomal abnormalities, a woman usually has perfectly good odds of having a normal baby in her next pregnancy. To put it shortly, it's just bad luck. The pregnancy happened to occur with the wrong egg and or sperm.

After a first miscarriage, doctors commonly assume the cause was chromosomal anomalies. It's rare that any doctor will offer diagnostic testing after just one miscarriage, and it's most common that they will just tell patients to go home and try again. In many cases, this may be perfectly good advice, since statistics suggest that most women who have one miscarriage face almost no increased risk of having a second one. If chromosomal anomalies were indeed the cause of your loss, then there isn't anything you can do to prevent the miscarriage anyway.

2) Women who are deficient in vitamin B12 may be at risk for infertility or repeat miscarriages, but in many cases they can change their situation with vitamin therapy.

Vitamin B12 plays a key role in the nervous system and the development of new tissue, and is also crucial in ovulation.

Women who are deficient may not ovulate, for instance, or a fertilized egg may not develop, resulting in miscarriage.

But according to the study, 10 of the women conceived after beginning vitamin therapy; six of these women conceived almost immediately. Seven of the women were found to have mutations in a gene involved in metabolism of folate. That, combined with the B12 deficiency, increased their risk of thrombophilia, a condition in which they were at increased risk of clot formation. Six other women were found to have other causes of thrombophilia.

One woman had suffered seven miscarriages before doctors discovered that she was deficient in vitamin B12. The woman went on to have three children once the problem was corrected.

3)Hormone imbalance - Progesterone is a hormone which prepares the lining of the womb for a pregnancy. If the egg is not fertilised the lining is shed in menstruation.
If a pregnancy occurs, progesterone, together with other hormones, continues to maintain the lining and keep the pregnancy secure.
If there are low levels of progesterone in early pregnancy a miscarriage can occur.

4) Illness in the mother - Certain illnesses or disorders have been linked to a greater risk of miscarriage including: endometriosis or infection in the womb; autoimmune conditions such as Systemic Lupus Erythematosis; heart disease or severe kidney disease; uncontrolled diabetes or thyroid disease.

5) Immune disorders - Our immune system forms antibodies to destroy foreign substances such as disease in our bodies. Occasionally in women with a history of recurrent miscarriages her body sees the baby as a foreign substance and attacks it.

6) Abnormalities of the uterus - Uterine abnormalities include: defects present from birth, eg where the uterus is divided into two sections; fibroids, which are non-cancerous growths of uterine muscle tissue; an incompetent cervix, which opens too early in the pregnancy without any signs of labour.

7) Environmental and lifestyle factors - These include: smoking or heavy use of alcohol or chemical substances; exposure to radiation or toxic substances.

Sometimes our womb might be "cold" or "weak", we need to avoid cooling food or drinks.
It will help if we approach a TCM to "tiao" our body before TTC again.

Thewife, hope above helps
happy.gif

Bestwishes soli ag. copyright :p
keke.....
 
HI Charis and Valerie,
that is very sweet of you. I've explained to my hubby that it could be due to a no: of reasons, but he was frustrated that there is no definite answer on what can prevent this again. Anyway he's ok now, very surprised that he took it worse than me, it's 1 of the biggest blows to him, as he'd always overcome things that he's determine to do.
I have PCOS, so Im sure the quality of egg and hormone must have played a part. TO be frank, this pregnancy came as a surprise, just 2 weeks after i took chinese med.
My gynae will be giving me clomid plus metformin to improve my ovulation. she suggested me to TCC after 2nd cycle, but since my mense is very irregular (2-6mths), she suggest that i start early again.
I'm taking you girls as good examples, it could be a blessing to find out earlier.
 
Hi Coral,
Happy birthday
happy.gif
At least you found food to eat and will not throw out
happy.gif
Jia you!

Hi mum wannabe,
Okie... Thanks for pointing out my mistake.

Hi qwer,
Yes, I heard there's good vegetarian buffet at Quality Hotel at Balestier
happy.gif
Heard that it's good. I love their porridge buffet, but I dun eat the meat
happy.gif
Only vegetables, porridge and fruits
happy.gif
Remember to eat your fruits before meal...

Hi elmo,
Thanks for the note... Noted
happy.gif


Hi thewife,
Hugs...
hmm... Going through D&C has it's own plus and minus points. If the bleeding goes on for some time, it's some kind of a mental torture to some. A skilful doctor is needed to reduce the risk of complications. Like what elmo mentioned, do get some advice from your gynae and make an informed decision. Like what Charis mentioned, it's a standard procedure that gynae will recommend nowadays.

Hi Jasmine...
Thank you for the recommendation. That buffet is cheap
happy.gif
hee... maybe I will go and try one of these days. I am going to the one at Suntec tomolo lunch
happy.gif

Congratulations that you can TTC again
happy.gif
I guess your health is very good already, that's why your gynae gave you the green light so soon
happy.gif
So happy for you
happy.gif
Jia you! Baby dusts to you
happy.gif

I stopped the folic acid for about a month cos I wasn't trying and concentrating on building up my health... But had to take folic acid 3 times a day in the beginning for 3 months. So far so good
happy.gif

hmm... about excitement, sometimes yes, sometimes no... My hubby is more excited than me... trying my best to keep happy and positive
happy.gif


Hi puipui,
Try to avoid negative things if you are depressed
happy.gif
. There's no right or wrong. Go with your feeling
happy.gif
. I did not tell my family till it's 3 months... cos I had other stress from them previously and I chose not to tell
happy.gif


Hi droopy,
Okie...
happy.gif
I will stop here for a while
happy.gif
I need to "bi guan xiu nian" already... :p Perhaps it has been too overwhelming and disturbing lately. hahaha... the "what ifs" are coming back. My energy is draining... kekeke... I also read about the theory of positive and negative energy. Too much negative energy is no good for me and baby
happy.gif
Think baby has not been at ease... keep kicking and kicking whenever I comes here.
You take good care
happy.gif
Wish you a smooth delivery in advance
happy.gif
 
Hi valerie,
If you want to think that I went through the easy way going through two miscarriages consecutively, so be it. I see no point in arguing with you about that. May Christ be with you...
happy.gif

It's definitely not nice to get shoo-ed by someone who mentioned about not joining in anymore cos you felt too exposed in the forum, and haven't really understand others' feelings. Your words did hurt.
I may have hurt or offended you. I do apologise for that. I see no point in arguing on. May God bless you and may you be healed soon. All the best to you and your family... Do take good care of your health. Good luck for your TTC journey ahead.
 
Hi thewife,
There could be a reason and sometimes gynae also cannot explain why this happen. They can only say it's very common nowadays... I too feel that it doesnt go down well.... when it was initially announced to be that it's not going to be a viable pregnancy anymore I was in a state of shock... I guess I was not prepared for it... thou signs were starting to show... cos I started bleeding around week 4 on and off...maybe I was very positive then... then when the bad news strike....
sad.gif
there are so many reasons cos a pregnancy is a complicated process and everything must go well......so I believe when it really happen, it's truly a gift. So, don't blame yourself...just take good care of yourself... like take enuff bu and live healthily, nothing is definite, you can help to improve your egg quality... i've read that getting sufficient zinc, selenium, Vit C and Vit B will help improve the quality of the egg... so you might want to get some multi-vit to help.... but most important is to have a positive mindset... yes, we will never forget this, but we can overcome it... jia you gal!
happy.gif
 
hi gals, not sure if I should share this. Lately my hubby dreamt of bb again.... when I first got pregnant, he also dream of bb couple of times..... last week he dreamt of bb again.... I'm feeling a bit sad... I'm not too sure if it's becos hubby really want to be a father, that's why " Ri You Suo Si, Ye You suo meng" or whether it's becos of what.... but I felt sad cos so far, the problem has been with me... but even thou I try to be positive... somehow I felt that I've let hubby down.....hiaz! I know that's not being positive... but I felt a bit down.. maybe the hormones is affecting me.
kao_cry.gif

sometimes, I also wish I can dream of bb.......
sad.gif
Aiyah... sorry for sounding like I'm "Fa Lao Sao" - ing. :p I'm getting a bit self-contradicting. :p
 
Hi thewife, I went to TCM YiShi last Saturday. She told me the main reason there is no heartbeat/no fetus is due to the sperm morphology. She adviced my hubby to forbid eat chicken and try to eat lesser meat. Eat more veg(make sure clean probably).
 
hi gals,

i went to see doc yest cause my tummy painful. turn out i have irritable bowel syndrome..very new to me as i never had any problems before.

tis friday is my 2nd stage of ivf..getting very anxious..elmo, i oso tend to feel same way as u..i tend to feel gulity tat i let my husband down. when his friends get married same time or lata than us, now their wives all have produced a child oredi but he only 1 in his circle of friends tat dun have a child yet..and they keep asking when having a child.

worse still,im the youngest among them..got married at 22..all much older than me..so dun blame yourself, u have already done so much and im sure ur husband appreciate u even more for trying so hard.

dear thewife - dun worry so much abt ur egg or sperm quality..most impt is ur health and tat u get enough exercise n eat healthily..i oso have pcos and andemeyosis..i took alot of fertility medicines before but just couldnt ovulate..my husband oso had very low sperm morphology rate, btw 6% to 9%.

when i went thru ivf at kkh, my gyne said my egg quality very poor..i originally had 23 eggs but onli manage to fertilise 3..cause of my andemeyosis, i oso had high chance of m/c..i worried day n night abt it but in the end, all 3 babies were so active n healthy..but turn out it was my cervix tat did me in..

as elmo mentioned, mus have positive mindset..u will overcome all tat u gone thru n come out stronger..take care
happy.gif
 
HI Avenie,
I will visit my chinese doc to ask for medicine to bu my body, perhaps find out more from him.
Hi elmo,
will continue to take folic acid and muti-vits, will not give up so easily
happy.gif

Hi pui pui,
my hubby's only 3%. i asked him to see my chinese doc but he prefer not to mix, will start taking his multi vits as well.
 
hi puipui,
want to ask you about IVF. Is it a very stressful process? How much did you pay for it?

I've also become the longest married without bb.
sad.gif
haiz! Somemore my hubby's fren wife very insensitive... keep asking me after she had her 1st bb and when she had a 2nd bb... asked me again.....when I had my bb I also didnt tell them....someone else even asked me got see doc or not....
after a while I got so fedup I dun bother about them anymore... now anyone ask me... I ask them to ask my tummy.. :p *naughty*
 
Hi thewife..

Going for 2nd opinion? Pls go..U were in my thoughts. Go today pls..

Hi ladies..

Would like to share that i dont believe that miscarriages happen cos baby had chromosomal defects. U see this kind of thinking came from the evolutionary theory of 'survival of the fittest' & 'natural selection'. THen what explains 1000s of deformed, autistic, down's syndrome babies being born every year. Those of u who r Christians may aggree with mme that this theory is flawed.

In fact, in the bible in Psalms 139, talks abt GOD creates a baby in the womb, HIS hands shape him/her. And we humans, including gynaes!dont know how a baby is formed & develops in the womb...science still wonders at this amazing process. So wat i realised & the gynaes actually admit is that especially the 1st 3 months is the most crucial & the most 'nobody can help' except GOD. Mothers have been pumped with hormones, but they still miscarried. For Christians, to say tht there is a defect in our miscarried babies is seem to be trying to say that there is defect in GOD's wonderful process of conception. So, as for me, i think no one can help BUT GOD. Cos HE knows how its done..u know wat i mean. I wont put outmost trust in gynaes..cos in fact they cant do much, they can help in some way or another..For Christians, i guess we shld pray, maybe HE will give u the answers.

I must acknowledge that my ideas actually came from a book by Bill Gothard called Understanding the causes of miscarriages research done by the Medical Institute of America. I jus internalised it & share them with u. Those of u who really want to know more, I can share with u the notes. BUT im not allowed to photocopy it, copyright.
 
elmo, please don't put the blame on yourself. You've been taking good care of yur health and you're a good wife in trying your best. You never know the real reasons, the process of forming a new life is so intricate, so most of the time we can hardly isolate the success or failure to one single reason. And take consolation in teh fact that your hb is till having teh hope of wanting a bb and think about having a bb. So you can still try. My gf's hb refuse to have a bb after her first miscarriage, she'x really hurt by that. So we're lucky to have supportive hbs who will jia you with us. Don't blame yourself, you're a good wife.

The wife, I believe your hb must be feeling very frustrated. My hb and I were really at a lost that time when we could find no reason for what happened to our son. All tests could not point to a caues. We had been so desperate that we had wished that if any test show that we were sick, we could at least know the reason and know how to deal with it. But when faced with an unknown, we were so lost. We didn't know what to do or what to espect in future. But I remeber someone in teh forum told me the search to "The answer" may just leave me frsutrated and unable to move on. As time pass, we came to accept the fact that if we can't undertsand how the union of an egg and a sperm could reult i a heart beat then a life, we should also respect teh fact that it may be beyond our knowledge of why it has to end. It's not in our hands. We can only do the best within our control, the rest is not up to us. In that way, we can have more peace of mind. I hopey ou and hb will find peace and best of luck in the process.
Puppy 2006, please take good care of health and give yourself time to grieve and you'll be on the road to healing.
 
Jus to reinforce my point..All our gynaes cant explain why our babies didnt survive the 1st 3 months. Cos they simply dont know..anyway they didnt do the research. Their knowledge is based on general medical school knowledge. BUT after 1st 3 months is different ok..gynaes can pinpoint why, for eg, incompetent cervix,etc. nd somehow by GOD's grace, HE enabled us to help our babies after this stage..gynaes can fix certain problems, like stitch the cervix, give certain drugs to strenghten the placenta..BUT in the 1st tri, nothing can really be done..gynaes cant even really reach the baby, in fact if u try, for eg, with too much pelvic exams u cn miscarry..all we can do is watch him/her with ultrasound. I really felt so helpless..but i guess we r helpless except with GOD. I know some of u dont like this idea...U are entitled to yr own opinions. BUT remember, nobody not even yr gynae can force or rush u into yr decision..u r a mother..we all are..the decision is yours..& u make it for yr baby. So decide with peace in hearts. So for thewife, pls give it a try, go for yr 2nd opinion. My 3rd gynae found my baby..
 
Thanks Elmo, for the advice I guess I walked too much yesterday thats why was bleeding much than expected cos after some resting, the bleeding actually stopped.

Hi Droopy, thanks for the support I think after all, the greatest support that I needed and gained most was from my hubby Hes there every times I shed my tears and even cancelled his business trip to make me feel hes there to listen to my woes and cheer me up I know how badly he experienced cos I used to be very bubbly, cheerful and noisy after this miscarriage, I was a total new me Yea Im working towards my usual self now

Hi all, I agreed with most, Gynae would just tell you that miscarriage is common and the cause of it is unknown cos he also would not know the definite answer But Im glad my gynae patiently answers my queries and console me to return to my usual self soon

Im still on folic acid and had a supply for the next 4 months too May I know what other vitamins do you all take beside folic acid, those mini-confinement foods for 2 weeks etc??? Do you take DOM? I actually started to take DOM again 2 days ago I used to take DOM every night and stopped when I ttc

Just to check too after your D&C and post op review, how long does your gynae want to see you again? cos for mine, he would like to see me again in 6 weeks times for exam and pap smear And curious to check too, how long do you take for your af to come? cos when I read other forum, some said 2 weeks, some said 8 weeks etc just need an estimation J
 
Hi thewife..

Coral is right. The answer is beyond us..mayb is not for us to know..More knowledge may not give us the solutions, sometimes we jus cant help things. BUT u can do one thing is as long as u havent miscarry, yr baby has a chance. Im not saying hormones will help, cos look..it didnt help me & many others..BUT u can get another gynae, mayb u can find the baby, dont rush into a D & C..pls dont.
 
hi elmo,

ivf is stressful onli when waiting for the pregnancy test results..the injections r not really very painful but can be quite stinging depending on the meds. but it does give me n my hubby hope..personally, without it, i really dunno when i can conceive. all i can do is try n hope for the best. but im ready to accept disappointment if its a negative, i will jus try n try again.

ivf allow medisave withdrawals for 3 attempts. my 1st attempt was at kkivf and total costs was 5.2k..so i didnt need to fork out any cash..all deducted or borne by medisave. my this 2nd attempt is between 10k to 12k but i still have 5k from medisave to withdraw from. its more expenive this time coz its a pte clinic at gleneagles.. we r hoping tat we can get better response with the new doc n diff meds..

charis is rite..many doctors never seem able to help or know wat goes wrong when m/c happens in 1st trimester.. my gyne at kkivf also said its unexplainable so the 1st 3 mths are the most unstable. but i have talked to many women who managed to have a normal and healthy pregnancy after 1 or even a few m/c. so pls dun give up hope n believe in urselves!
happy.gif
 
puppy2006, try to rest and not exert yourself. I had confinement food for a month and I drank DOM and chicken essence daily during that time. My gynae saw me in 6wks time too and told me to take multivit adn folic. As for the first AF, it really depends. Mine started 30 days after. Some too longer. But coming out of this, you lost someone precious, but you know someone dear is always there for you and I'm sure the bond between you and hb grew stronger. I really appreciate my hb and realise how much he loves me after what happened. Liek you hb, putting us before work and making sure they're there to support us even when they are also feeling very sad themsleves. This is a blessing and the strength for us to move on and be well. I wish you'll be teh cherrful and bubbly partner for your hb very soon. I'm sure he'll be patient with you until then. Take your time to be your usual self again.
happy.gif
 
hi puppy2006,
My AF came 5 weeks after the D&C. Like coral said, try not to exert yourself. I was walking around alot, and I spotted throughout the 5 weeks from D&C till my next AF. It was only later that I found out from gynae that even walking too much when we have not totally healed will cause the spotting to prolong. I saw my gynae for a review 2 weeks after my D&C as she wanted to make sure that my bleeding has stopped. But because my bleeding/spotting has not stopped (due to my walking!), she gave me antibiotics to make sure I won't get any infection. My pap smear was done only later when all the bleeding stopped completely.

I didn't take DOM cos my gynae said DOM contains danggui and not to take it while I am still bleeding. So I only took chicken essence and then took DOM after my bleeding stopped completely.

Here are links to some tonic soups/recipes that elmo posted previously (you need to scroll down to find elmo's posting). I found these postings useful as I still refer to it now and then.
Tonic soup: http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/cgi-bin/forumboard/discus.cgi?pg=next&topic=5&page=338701
Recipes: http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/cgi-bin/forumboard/discus.cgi?pg=next&topic=5&page=306524
 
hi charis, i tik we all know tat its perhaps god's will tat we have some misfortunates. but you need not emphasise so much on GOD. tik its a bit over done. the last thing to see on this site is a transfer of knowledge on god. we are all here to encourage, give support and share valuable experiences with one another.
 
Hi Lyn,
Did you enjoyed the buffet at suntec? its not too bad but the variety abit limited. not sure hows the std now as i have not been there for quite some time. however, the location quite convenient for most of us ya.
happy.gif
 
Lyn, tat time my gynae only asked me to take folic acid once a day. i have started taking it now. is once a day enoff?
i bet both of u are equally excited! all the best. thanks for ur baby dusts!!
happy.gif
 
Hi the wife,
how ru? gone to see another doc for 2nd opin?
have u went thro the dnc or opted for natural?
do rest well and have confinement food oke. i went throu 2 wks of confinement.
 
hi jas, i think once a day of folic acid is enough..
i too take it only once in the morning during TTC period... Mine was 5mg per tablet..
 
Hi jasmine..

That's what Im exactly doing..is to give encouragement based on my experience..which is pretty much a lot of my faith & religion..Im being transparent & honest in my sharing. Im really sorry, & pls forgive me if it has offended u..BUT like i said everyone is entitled to their own opinion..Anyway Im really concerned abt thewife, im adressing her mainly & others who wish to know. U know if ppl share abt things i dont like or aggree, i jus keep quiet, we dont have to reply to everything u know. Im not overdoing anything..Im only sharing wat ppl want to know.
 
Hi Elmo,
Long time no 'see'! As for those pple's mouth, u cannot stop them from saying. I also experience same thing like u. In office, almost everyday will bum into colleagues in lift, toilet, meeting, during lunch or anywhere. 100% sure they will ask me lots of questions...asked how old is my 1st child now, then probe further and ask why I wait so long still don't plan for 2nd one (as if they know I never try at all!!), ask if I see gynae for checkup or not. Tell me not to wait too long cos my 1st child and 2nd child age gap very big liao. Blah blah...never ending.

There was once, I kana questioned by 3 persons in 1 day. Very buay tahan. Once I went out for medical checkup (by my company doctor). 1 colleague met me at the lift, asked where I'm going. I told her medical appt. Straight away, she asked me "U pregnant liao ah?" *peng*!!!

I simply cannot understand why those pple keep asking me. I find them so irritating. Cos they don't know abt my m/c last time. So they thot I don't like to have more children etc. Sigh...but I don't feel the need to explain my history and story to them. I think they are more of kaypoh pple, than being concern about me!
 
BUT even that dont worry, i wont cross the line, i know this is not a forum abt religious beliefs, its abt miscarriages...& can u say that im not sharing abt miscarriages, & issues abt it?
 


You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

M
Post Adoption support group - for moms and children.
Replies
0
Views
205
Menashan
M
M
Adoption support group
Replies
0
Views
200
Menashan
M
I
Support Group for TTC
Replies
5
Views
6K
Tinkerbell91
T
V
Full List Of QuickBooks® Desktop Support® Numbers Across U.S.A – The Ultimate Step-by-Step Guide
Replies
0
Views
133
vixivo4236
V
G
Recommendation for Lactation Consultant IBCLC for first time mom
Replies
0
Views
360
Glitter_Wu
G

Back
Top