Support group - Miscarriages

hi volf20,

mine was oso due to infection from water bag..the docs had to rupture 1 of my baby's at 20 weeks in order to deliver him to try and sew my cervix to save the other 2.. like u , i stayed in hospital for 17 days and was on antibiotics..but my infection level jus kept going up n up till docs gave up on me..i delivered the other 2 at 23 weeks naturally as well. my husband said 1 of them tried to breathe but couldnt so aft 2 breaths, he just stopped..my second baby came out in his water bag still intact..the nurse cut the water bag open but my baby didnt breathe or move..so i guess stillborn jus like the 1st baby at 20 weeks.

i still cry alot and my heart very pain but im looking forward..my husband doesnt grieve anymore cause he said they are safe in heaven and looking after us..i wanted to die so many times but my husband has been very supportive and now jus looking forward to having another child..take care of urself, we will get through it!
 


hello bestwishes,
oh ya..haf not been seeing u recently...wat r u bz wif huh? do take care n dun over work....

jasmine,
glad to hear tat itz normal...hopefully my AF will clear by todae n will be waitin for the nx AF n hope tat it will nt go haywire...

volf20,
really sori to hear ur lost....i guess time will heal....as wat elmo says, everything happens for a reason....so dun think too much....if u feel tat u nid to talk to someone do talk it out n dun keep it inside u.....now u eat well n rest more....take care..we'll be here for u..
 
oh yes,

i bled for 2 mths continuosly..it was very frustrating for me cause i had 3 periods inbetwween but the discharge jus couldnt stop..my doc had even warned me that as long i continued to bleed/spotting i couldnt do my 2nd ivf..so luckily it stopped eventually..now tis fri starting 2nd phase of ivf..
 
Thanks dearies.. it must hv been tough for you to go through all these. You are right that unless you go through a m/c you wouldnt know the pain the mother goes through.....

Are you ladies already starting to think or try for ano bb ? Am very scared now. Even scared to hv sex cos it denotes possibility of a bb now....and any possible consequences....
 
hi woofy,
My sinseh also said my womb not totally clean, and that I should have gone to see him earlier, right after the miscarriage, so he could give me some herbs containing hong hua (safflower) to clear the blood in my womb. As usual, I was kaypo and went to check out this hong hua thing, and it's true that it helps to get rid of blood (http://www.herbasin.com/database/honghua.htm). That's why he said I cannot TTC for the next 2 mths, cos I think he's probably gonna prescribe me herbs to expel the old blood.
 
hi volf20,

i conceived thru ivf..my m/c was 30 nov..so now 4 mths..i wanted to do it much earlier but my bleeding was still very persistent..not sure for u, but i want to get pregnant as fast as possible..my gyne knows its a way of coping with my loss..though im very scared to lose another baby, but im confident that i can get through it..so dun be scared..most important is to let ur womb heal and eat well..better follow the confinement tips otherwise regret like me..now im waitin to see if i get pregnant tis round of ivf..if not, then maybe it means i never bu properly and have to go back sinseh before trying again. now too late for me to do anything coz cannot mix chinese n western meds.
 
hi volf20,
Sorry to hear about what you've been through. Like the gals say, it'll take time heal, and it'll take time to overcome the fear of trying again, and the fear of having sex. Take good care of yourself now with a confinement and rest well.

puipui80,
Good luck for your IVF this Friday!
 
Hi puipui - hope u will hv a safe pregnancy this time round & soon!
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You know ladies, whilst I was in the hospital, I witnessed a couple of young gals warded in for day abortions. They were all nonchalant & I felt like it was super ironic. Those who want bb hv to try so hard or fight so hard for the survival of bb. And then there are those who dun want children, go hv fun and then kill their children according to what they want.
 
volf20,

oh so ur waterbag leak n cos the infection,
did you ask your gynae why the water bag leak?
for me even was an cord accident, I ask alot of questions to 'fan2' my gynae :p
ya that moment when you hold ur baby was heartpain hor?
they are like sleeping soundly in our arms....

well, my lochia last 2 to 3 weeks which is normal.....
confinment food can cealr all the wind n dirty blood, please follow our Elmo fren's posting, it is very useful
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6 weeks after your delivery will go to ur gynae for chkup,
scan uterus will shrink back to norm postition, pap smear etc...
some of us here 1st menses come 6 to 8 weeks after the day of ur delivery
so means after lochia stops, you will see your 1st Af again in 2 or 3 weeks time

puipui,
yalor mine was cord accident
but as my gynae affirm me, each pregnancy is different,
diff placenta, waterbag n cord n of cos a newlife
 
Hi volf, im really sori to hear ur loss....u must strive on and be strong oke. time will heal....but u also must remind urself not to tik of the past anymore. only then , then u can moveo n and TTC again. this is all wat we are looking forward to. as wat elmo says, everything happens for a reason....so dun brood too much..and dun tik tat its ur fault. its nobody's fault oke..
Must eat well n rest more...follow wat elmo suggestions..Pls take care..

Hi Elmo, thanks so much for putting all the useful info tog. yep, i learnt some of these and know more abt the tonics during my confinement.
happy.gif

are u still cooking bu for ur body?
 
Hi Valerie - Yes I asked my gynae but they couldnt say why the waterbag leaked. Said its very common and sometimes the bag seals itself. Guess I wasnt that lucky and God had his plans. I was sobbing when I held Zach in my arms. He looked so much like hubby, and had my mouth and nose. But he looked at peace.

In fact, Zach came to me in a vision after all the cleaning up, when I was half asleep. I saw him playing and laughing happily in a background of rainbow. THen he played for a long while happily till it was sunset. ANd he walked hand in hand with JEsus into the sunset. He turned and waved at me saying gdbye. To me, that was sufficient to tell me that he is with Jesus and is happy. I cry whenever I think of that .. cry because I cant carry him, but glad he is safe.

Am sorry abt your case too. Must be heartwrenching. Can understand how you feel.....
 
Hi volf, I expereinced something similar when I was 24wks. But mine has got more complications. My bb was sick and everyone just told us to terminate the preg., but hb and I can't do it so we escaped from hosp on the day of the procedure. Two days later, I think bb just wanted to relieve us of teh agony, he kicked vigorously and a few hours later my water bag broke, everything flow out ingush. I delivered him naturally a few hours later and liek you held him in my arms as I promised him. Taht was in July'05. But until today my heart aches at teh tot of loosing him. I still miss him, but I take comfort in the fact that he's no longer suffering. I know there's not much I can say to make you feel better now. But I just hope you'll take good care of yourself, for bb who'll be watching you inheaven, for your hb and those who love you. Heed the advise of the ladies here and bu your body. Grieve and let out your emotions, give yourself time to heal. You'll probably be going up and down the emotion roller-coaster, but there's no easy way out when you just lost someone so precious. Do come in here and chat with us if you need a listening ear or some understanding souls.
 
puipui, two of my gynaes told me never to eat EPO. I used to eat that as if relieve my menstration cramp, but according to them any woman who are thinking of ttc, should not take EPO as it form a layer of oil(can't remember the exact thing) that prevent implantation. So I just heed their advise and stopped EPO a few years back and gave all my stock to my Mum. Not sure how true, but since they said so I just listen and anyway I no longer get severe pain from AF...
 
wow Volf20,
so nice you see a vision for ur boy n Jesus!
hee...I also wish to hv a nice vision
hey...Gos is faithful and HE showes you His abundance love, care and comfort and to Zach as well
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Ya indeed is heartwrenching but our Heavenly father is faithful and we must hv strong faith on Him to see us through all trials
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Hi ladies, I've been have trouble finding this thread in the matter of the heats. Since yday I had to search for it under topic. DO you have this problem? How do you access this thread now?
 
hi coral,

thanks for reminder, i used to take epo as well but stopped..now jus taking folic acid and vits c/b..they used to tell me epo can help regulate hormones, etc but like no effect on me leh..my periods still came every 2 to 3 mths
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i jus told my sis that im doing ivf and how im planning to change clinics if i fail tis time..she said i was being very obsessed with the whole thing and should have a hobby, etc..quite hurt lor, but she never experience the pain before so i dun blame her..like me she went thru ivf a couple of times, now going thru another round..i told her im not obsessed but actually planning for i have a goal to fulfill..sigh, should have kept my mouth shut.
 
coral,

i oso have same problem..i need to open this thread under topics discussed last 12 hours..i tot i was only 1 having trouble
happy.gif
i noticed, a few of the other support groups, the threads oso disappeared.
 
Hi puipui, the process has been tougher for some of us but we know we come out stronger and we also learn to cherish what we have better than many. So jia you. Don't be affected. Success usually come to people who never give up. I know, my gf also think I'm silly to want to try for bb so soon. My boss als asked why didn't I wait longer. But I told them, hb and I are ready to have children, and I'm not afraid to try so I'll live my life at my own pace. It's alright if people don't understand us for they have not gone thru what we went thru. When I think of that, I don't blame them for some insensitive remarks. So long as I'm at peace with what I do, I'm happy. Jia you! You'll reap what you sow.
 
hey all,
how to cook red date drinks?
Im feeling a bit down, going for D&C tomorrow, and yet hubby has a meeting at the time I should be leaving the hospital. And, I dun know how to prepare those confinement food...must go and buy ingredients...i dun even know whether my MIL will help.
 
Puipui,
your sis also had IVF, so had a bb liao?
hey I hope your IVF succeed, eat lots of eggwhites and stay clear all soy food
happy.gif

God Bless you n we are all behind you, jiayou
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the wife,
do u hv slow cooker at hm?
cos I use slow cooker to cook my red dates
hmm...my confinement ingredients, my parents buy for me one...

refer to Elmo above message for confinement food
think tomr for ur D N C, ask close family member to accompany you, ur mum or MIL....
hugs gal, we keep you in prayer
happy.gif
 
Hi thewife,

Pls don't go for your D&C alone. You'll feel a bit groggy from the anesthetic so best if someone accompanies you. My hubby also didn't accompany me coz that was his first day of work in his new job. I got my mum to accompany me instead.

To prepare enuff red date drink for 1 day's worth, use about 8-10 cups of water (depend on how much water you drink), add in 1 fistful worth of red dates and longans, a few slices of ginger, dangshen (if cut to about 1" pieces, about 12 pieces will do). Gou Qi Zi maybe about 1 teaspoon. Not too sure how much bei qi coz I didn't use this.

If using normal gas stove, put everything into a pot and let water boil. Then reduce to low heat and simmer for about 30-40 min as per elmo's message. Turn off heat and it's ready for use. Store tea in thermos flask as this drink is best taken warm/hot.

If you can, drop by a chinese medical hall today to get the herbs. My mum got the herbs from Hock Hua for me. You can also buy the herbs for bathing and making soups from them.

You stay strong yah?
 
hi jasmine, no liao... cos I think I have more tham enuff... occasionally I drink some bird nest.

Hi thewife, you can chose to boil everything in a big pot. Just boil for about 30-40 mins can liao..... You can also chose to boil using a slow cooker.... but using slow cooker will normally be thicker.... it's up to you whichever is more convienient.

I used about 20 red dates, (can also use black dates), sometimes I mix about 5-8 black dates with 10 red dates, longan about 2 table spoon size, 4 slices of ginger, dangshen(use the normal thin ones, only use the good ones (thinker and sweeter) for soup) about 3 strips, beiqi about 3 slices (if big ones about 1" thick"). gou qi zhi about 1 heap tablespoon
If using danggui instead, can add about 6 slices (2" by 3" size). Water about 10-12 cups.....

Dun have to be exact... aggaration is fine...
sometimes I get very sick of the dangshen and beiqi taste, I half the amount..... doesnt matter....
one thing... dun eat the red dates... just drink the tea can liao.....



You can get your hubby to buy all the herbs. then for the fresh ingredients, just buy what you need....my MIL helped me to buy the fresh ingredients from the market every couple of days....so maybe you can ask your mum or MIL or even hubby....dun worry too much.....

can you ask hubby to postphone the meeting, just tell him that you need him to be there for you.....
before you go for the D&C, get the "Sheng1 Hua4 Tang1" ready. Then boil and drink it immediately after you return home...
 
Just sharing some pointers from my mini-confinement here (learnt from my mum)

1) If can, use black date instead of red date to make the tea. It's more heaty but also require longer boiling time (something like 1hr - 1hr 15 min). The date tea is best drank warm/hot, so you'll need thermos flasks to store them.

2) Drink a little DOM every few hours (1-2 tbspn), esp after you bathe.

3) For a delivery, best to avoid chicken for the first 12 days. Stick with pork first. Also, if eating chicken, buy hens.

4) For pork, the best cuts for confinement is the fillet (yao1 rou4) and loin ribs for soup. This is to bu your back/waist area which will be weak from the pregnancy. For the same reason, try to eat kidney if you can. But I have to point out that fillet and loin ribs are also one of the most expensive parts! Liver is good for replenishing the blood coz of its high iron content.

5) For herbal soups, can also consider the du4 zhong4 bu3 yao1.

6) If can, make the pig trotters with black vinegar dish. It's simple to make and very good for expelling wind.

Ingredients: 2 pig trotters (get front hock only), 300g-400g brown sugar (get those in slabs, pian4 tang2, commonly used for making desserts), 400ml black rice vinegar, 300g ginger (skinned and smashed) and 2L water.

Warm sesame oil in pot and add ginger to fry till fragrant. Then add in rest of the ingredients and bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer for about 2hr till pig trotters turn tender. Adjust seasoning to taste (eg add more sugar if too sour). Pls don't use stainless steel pots when making this dish coz it's highly acidic!

For max benefits, drink the soup and eat the ginger. Leftover stock can be kept in fridge and used as a base for mee suah soup (if you can tahan sour soups) or throw in new meat and boil again.

7) For all your stir-fry dishes, use sesame oil instead of normal cooking oil. I actually used up more 1 bottle of oil during my 2 weeks confinement!

8) Do avoid using oyster sauce for cooking. It's considered toxic. Use salt, sugar, light & dark soya sauce for seasoning these few days. Anyway, if you use sesame oil for stir-fry and fry ginger till fragrant before adding in the rest of the ingredients, the food will still be tasty. So don't worry!

9) For a good confinement, try not to let yourself feel hungry. I know its hard but must do it for the sake of preparing your body for the next one. Also, we must take care when young so that when we are old, we'll still be strong.

10) If it's possible, don't go out unnecessarily to avoid catching chills. If you need to, bring along something warm to protect yourself. Also, for the next 30 days, don't get caught wet in rain.
 
I was being advised that no use eating the chicken essence. Is even better to take iron pills and was prescribed 3 month's supply of iron pills to take daily.

But I still went to buy the chicken essence to drink for 2 weeks. Now they have offer for the 12 bottles box.

I drink nestle milk daily and plain water leh. Only drank red dates with longan water only twice when hubby brew.

Was adviced for hubby to take Vitamin B(folic acid) and vitamin E if we want to start family.

The folic acid, i didnt know can get from guardian leh. we bought like $15 from the clinic, so ex, for perhaps 1 month plus supply.

BTW, we started ML this week and I had a little fear. LIke scare pain, scare duno what, and was abit tense up, is as if it's our first time and I was dry compared to last time. It was quite frustrating for us.

Any of you all the same feelings? How do you overcome it?
 
Cookie's Gal & Elmo - You gals are experts in confinement food!
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Am lucy cos my mom cooks for me. Am just too tired to cook or do anything now.

Also am doing the malay massage to expel the wind fr my tumm. Am back to my original shape and size, maybe left a bit of flab on tumm. Didnt put on too much during pregnancy ~ abt 3kg only.. and I didnt appear pregnant at all even tho I was 5.5 mths.... just looked bloated at tumm.
 
Hi all,
thank u so much for the info. I'll be going to chinese medical hall to get ingredients for the red date drinks later.
 
Volf,
I didint do malay message that time cos thinking no pt
nw kind of regret not doing it :p
gots lots of tummy fats, gt 3 kg to lose,sob sob....:p

Ryes,
is normal to feel tense and pain 1st time when u ML,
well, apply alot of lubricant to minimise the pain/friction
 
hi the wife, u must ask someone to accompany u to go for dnc oke. dun go alone. u will feel better if there is someone with u. must have confinement oke.
 
if u really have no one to cook for u, i suggest tat u employ a prof confinement maid for u. she can cook the meals for u, make bath water and red date drink for u.
u need to rest a lot these period. if u wan contact, i can give it to u.
 
Hi valerie,

we didnt want to purchase any lubricant. besides, never use before leh, sua-ku. duno where to apply also.
 
Volf20, i am so sorry to hear of what happened to u.. its indeed heart-pain to experience such a loss...

I am at loss of words.. Just feel so sorry for u...



take ur time to grive ad do take good care of urself... Have a mini-confinment too...
 
I didnt any treatmt ..just went for tests & gynae visits to monitor my ovulation etc... so in a way, am not as badly hit as those who may hv gone through so much more than me to even hv a child..my heart goes out to those...but then again ..the pain of losing yr child is there...
 
Volf,
same here I try naturally for 5/6 mths, in the sense I am bless to strike naturally without gng for any fertility treatment and I hv no fertility problem. So I hope my body is still fertile nw, all I can do is pray n eat hleathiy
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yup, definately we all will feel pain when we lost our babies, be it natural or seeking fertility treatment cos the bonding is there when our baby are growing insude in our womb, somemore their features already formed...

Gal, do pray n share alot with your husband, it helps
happy.gif
 
Valerie - Thanks for your kind words & advise. Me & hb started praying a lot more together since this ....it has also drawn us even closer to each other.....hb has been a wonderful pillar of strength....

Hv u started to try again?
 
Hi elmo,

don't mind if I asked what are the contents in "Sheng Hua Tang"? Can we get it from any of the chinese medical hall? Will it be too late to drink after and not immediate? How long do we need to drink that? By the way is the "Sheng Hua Tang" heaty too?

I actually started to feel heaty liao... 'cos pimples popping frm the back and a few on my forehead liao... So I actually cut down on the "Hakka" confinement food my MIL prepared...Reverted back to my mom's cooking (cantonese) and eat plenty of ginger... And DOM + milk before bed and essence of chicken in the morning + folic acid + iron tablets (given by gynae)... Never been so "on" taking all these stuffs. The only "On" thing I did last time was drink DOM + milk before preggy.

hi volf20, sorry to hear ur m/c... I had mine that day too... Been strong and work towards your usual self soon n sure u can be mommy soon...and the rest of us too.. Bless u & *HUGZ*
 
Hi volf..
Truly sorry for yr loss.

Hi puipui..

Really sorry too..now i really hear more detailed story of yr m/c.

I still tear when i hear m/c stories from this forum...I understand all what u went thru..the pain & loss. We may have diff. expces, BUT with the same kind of grief..& we all hope for a successul pregnancy in future. GOD bless.
 
Hi ladies..

Need some advice..

How long is yr 'confinement' after m/c? All of u back to work in like 2 weeks? Anyone longer?

Cos im contemplating to go back to work..teaching & tutoring part time..BUT i feel quite afraid..Not sure my body can take it..Gynae said my womb is still shrinking back to size..not fully recovered..I dont have much cramps though. Also want to start back exercise regime..So with all these...do u think can take it or not? I want to be healthy for next baby. This is almost 4th week after my m/c.
 
Hi volf20
Sorry abt ur loss...do take more rest now..

Hi Coral
I oso had problems finding this thread...tot it had something to do with my authorisation level...
 
hi volf, *hugz* sorry to hear about your loss.. me too, lose my baby at 24weeks, like you also a boy, first baby.. but i didnt get to hold ansel in my arms..that's the regret..

my case is similar to Val, cord accident..gynae cannot explain why..he said this happens only one in a thousand deliveries..and i am the unlucky one..sigh..

anyway, remember, our sons are too handsome for Earth and God must have some other arrangements for us..

You have to do a proper confinement for a month.. must take care if want to conceive again.. no bathing, no plain water, can only drink nan zhao chai , eat lots of ginger for every meal, dun touch water, all the standard confinement rules..

I stopped bleebing after a month..first af came about 6 weeks after..ttcing now..

be strong..it's not easy but we are all here with you if you need us..
 
Volf,
ttc again ah?
hee..wait till I lost all my tummy fats lor
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Coral,
I email you abt wat schedule for 100 situps per day,
how to do ah? do reply me via email
happy.gif
 
Hi Charis,
I actually went back to work 1 week aft m/c... Staying home too long makes me "hu shi ran xiang"... is gd that I came back to work... make me shift my mind... though @ times also think abt the m/c... but not as bad as staying home...If not, take a break away... I guess that'll b gd!
 
Hi Charis,

The typical confinement period for a normal birth is 40 days. For those who went through a D&C, the gynae will issue a mc for 2 weeks. I find that physically (with proper food and rest), I recovered within the 1st week from the D&C. My gynae also confirmed that my physical recovery is complete. Now waiting for my 1st AF...

Anyway, I think going back to work is okay, just make sure you avoid lifting heavy stuff since your womb is still recovering. Also, don't squat/stand/walk around too much at work. As for exercise, think you should only resume them only after your womb has fully shrunk back. Just try not to get stressed up over work these first few weeks.

Juz checking, during these 4 weeks, have you been eating confinement food?
 


hi girls,

im going to side track here..i have been reading the papers and i jus find that there so many cases of children being sexually abused and now with the murder of noi noi..jus dunno wat the world is coming to..jus feel so sad lor, here we are, each of us coping with our grief and trying to have another child..yet all these children suffering out there..

charis, mus rest well..dun force urself if ur body not heal yet..i read that sometimes doing too much activities can slow down ur healing process and ur bleeding may be prolonged..if u feel tired, tat means ur body is signaling u to rest..so take it easy hor.

val, oh my sis tried 3 to 4 times ivf but no success..she going another round end of tis mth..i talked to her yest, ok lah.at least she never say me..otherwise i would have broke down. she had an etopic pregnancy before, quite a no of years back..so dun understand why she finding it difficult tis time.

thewife- pls heed the other gals advice..dun go for ur d&c alone..its always better to have someone there to give u moral n physical support.

jus like to mention tat i did my malay post natal massage quite late oso..ard 2 mths after, its still quite beneficial as it can help in blood circulation and get rid of excess wind..helps to detox ur body cause we have alot of toxins after pregnancy. so if u r all still interested, its still not too late to do. in fact, im still doing it..it really helps to relax and i find tat i dun have so much wind now..newspapers have alot, i paid ard $50 a session and they even come to ur house.
 
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