Support group - Miscarriages

Hi Trynn,
sorry to hear abt that...It already so painful to loss 1 and u actually loss 2. Your 1st loss is at which stage? Any reason for that? U currently have a child? Cos u mention mother of 3?
 


Hi everyone..I've been silently reading this thread since last month when I had my D&C..and just feeling sad that the road to motherhood is so rocky for us here.

I am struggling to get through each day...feeling very envious (& sad for myself) of news of friends/relatives' pregnancy or new birth..

Tarynn,
I am also asking myself that same question as you...losing 2 children within a year...I lost my baby boy at 22 weeks last June and then just last month in early Jan, I lost my little baby at 10 weeks. Yes, the hurt and emptiness...no one can truly understand unless they have lost a baby too.
We have no choice but to just face the days ahead bravely and to take heart that one day we will also be able to experience the joy of holding our precious baby.
 
Hi Jappooh...feel free to 'talk' to us here...i have a 4 yrs old daughter now...she is my strength!!! My 1st lost was last yr aug..i chosed to abort the baby because he is down syndrome.i aborted him when i was in my 20 weeks...heart broken but i don't want him to suffer and looked down upon. Some may said i am cruel but this is the fact of life...


Cynn, seems like we r in the same boat..haiz. pardon me, but what happened to yr baby at 22 weeks? For me, i am currently looking for a full time job...just want to draw my attention to work...
 
Hi Yarynn,
i can understand your feeling cos when i having my boy. Gynae suspect he have DS when i am 13wks preg due to the thickness in his neck.. That time i also dunno wat to do cos i so much wanted him but worry he been look down next time. Luckily after the blood test the result look more positive.

I was still worried throughout my preg and few mth after my boy birth to observe him.

It not cruel some ppl say that cos they are not in our shoe. For us we have to think far for the baby if he has DS. That time i am so worried cos my hubby have a DS cousin. I see how she is been look down by others so i was cant think further..have been crying everyday that time till the blood test report are back.
 
Hi Jappooh..the gynae only discovered after i went for the OSCAR test , then i underwent amnio test and it was confirmed baby was Down's. Husband and i are shock cos we both do not have relatives / family who are down's.
 
Tarynn, routine check-up found no heartbeat. Histopathology of the placenta found an infarct..meaning blood flow of the placenta was disrupted..thus leading to death of the baby but what caused it to happen at the first place my gynae has no answer.
 
Hi Tarynn,
i understand your feeling cos though that time mine was not cofirmed but me and hubby have discuss abt it. and we cant make any decision cos i knw i will be heart broken but i do not wan my bb to suffer as well.

Dun worry u will be blessed with a healthy baby soon.
 
hi jappooh, ur immed could not fully understand ur hurt...but life still have to go on and u have a cute boy boy right ? did u go to do a scan since u still feel ur tummy bloated ? after my D&C today, i feel my tummy a bit flat liao not like yesterday still feel like bloated cos my bb still inside....

hi tarynn, thanks for ur advise. am doing a mini confinement now. meanwhile, pls allow urself to rest for a few more months before TTC, it might be better for u & bb. i also feel deeply hurt when i saw mommies carrying their newborns home while i carry an empty stomache home...and yes, is best to find some jobs to do cos u can re-direct ur attention to ur work. i hope to get back to work once i recover. my boss & col are waiting for me since CNY...
 
Hi cynn, i see. My gynae also told me sometimes miscarriage has no reason...maybe what is yrs is yrs...
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Porky, now even if i see a pregnant lady i am also filled with envy, not to mention one that is carried by her mum. I felt so useless and insignificant..i know i have to cheer up, be strong, think on the bright side, but easier said than done. Time will heal...
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hey porky...glad to hear from u...i onli rem feeling the needle poking the back of my hand and within 2s...knocked out....

i took the antibiotics wif red date tea cos we are not supposed to drink plain water....for the rice wine shd b alrite ba cos usualli wine used in cooking is evaporated thou u still taste it...=)

taryann....so sad to hear of it...u take good care of ur health okie...=D

jappooh....so sweet of ur boy....u mus stay strong for the sake of ur boy ya....remember we are here to support each other...we truly understand wat one feel.....
 
hi piyobaby, yes i am alright now. i was still weeping before the needle poke the back of my hand. and i also cant rem when did i knock out...only when i was pushed back to the resting room then the nurse told me is over already. glad that there is no pain at all. but after few hours, i feel some crampy on my lower tummy. and the bleeding seems like getting lesser now. but i feel like urine flow out a bit slow leh..dunno why like that...
 
Hi piyobaby, cynthia n roxy,
Thanks for the explanation betw evaucation of uterus and D & C.

Hi Tarynn,
Any idea when we can start taking Bai Fong Wan, after our D & C? where did you buy yr Bai Fong Wan from?

Hi all,
I also having slight diarraheo ever since I started taking red dates logan tea, those TONIC soup etc. But, no stomach pain, vomitting or anything. Would also like to check with you guys after my D & C, I have slight bleeding for abt a wk. Now, its already 2 weeks plus and I suddenly have slight bleeding/spotting today... no cramps or anything though. Is it normal?
 
porky....dat means u are oreadi awake so soon....for mi it take mi almost 3 hrs to get over the GA....the moment i noe is im lying on the bed in the ward le....still can hear my notti hubby taking photo of mi....kekeke

same for mi...1st nite bleeding oreadi veri little and i thot abit unusual but din bother abt it...not sure abt the urinating thou....remember to call dr woody for ur review cos he shd be going away soon...

sheryl...my bleeding lessen alot on the 1st nite...then spotting for abt 6 days....so all in all is abt 7 days...but i have read b4 dat for sum ladies....it can last as long as 2 weeks....have u gone back to ur gynae for review?
 
Hi Porky,

Glad to hear that everything is well.... Please take good care and eat well.......

I'm trying to move on and I think DH's support at this time is very important... It took my SIL to shoot a sms to DH before he woke up...

The day before my Evac of Uterus, my MIL and elder SIL wanted to come and visit me. But I was not in the mood to entertain them.DH was at work and if they were to come, I'll have to sit around and listen to them telling me, 'You are still young, can try again.', 'Maybe this baby is not meant to be yours.', etc, etc...
I don't think I'm in the mood to handle it.

Later in the evening my parents came (They have my house keys so could just pop by anytime). After they left, DH gave me a really BAD ATTITUDE. I asked him what was wrong and initially he say nothing. After much probing, he revealed that my parents can come over to visit me yet his mum n sis wanted to come I don't allow it. I explained to him that for my parents, if they are here, if I don't feel like talking, I can frankly tell them. But if his mum and sis came and he is not around, I have to sit with them and chit chat. Am I really to face them when I've spent the whole day crying?? He refused to listen to me and I had to call my younger SIL and cried my heart out. She understood as she had a miscarriage 2 weeks before me. She shoot my DH a sms and thereafter he changed to this day.

For him, he don't see why I should feel SO UPSET. The baby was not meant to be ours. We should just move on.

But for me, I went thru all the injections everyday for almost 2 months, bed rest from the day I was tested pregnant, hospitalize due to the bleeding, seeing bb's heartbeat and thought everything was fine and finally losing him.... I was traumatized....

Just saw this at another forum....

Miscarriage rates are often said to be about one in every five pregnancies. This means that we will all know someone who has experienced a miscarriage in our lives. In trying to be helpful and caring we often find ourselves saying things that we think would make the person feel better, but in fact, makes them feels worse.

Never say these phrases:


"You can always have another."
They don't want another baby, they want this baby.

"Now you have an angel looking after you."
They don't want an angel, they want their baby back.

"It's for the best."
Best for whom?

"At least you didn't know your baby."
Whether you held your baby in your arms or only in your mind, this baby is real.

"There must have been something wrong..." Wrong with me?

"Did you do something you weren't supposed to do?
Did I cause this? How could I have hurt my baby?

"I understand how you feel."
Even if you have had a miscarriage, every one feels their grief uniquely.

"Have you ever thought of not having children?"
Yes, I probably have.

I realize that I may never be a mother.

"Be grateful for the children you have..."
It isn't a question of being ungrateful or not appreciating what I have.

Things to say:

"I'm sorry."
"What can I do to help?"
"I'm here for you."
Remember to take your time and be kind and gentle with your friend or relative. Every one has their own grieving ways and time frame. Don't expect them to "get over it." Just be there and offer a shoulder and a comforting hug.

I find it very true... When my friends and colleagues knew about my mc, they said everything in the 'NEver say these phrases'.
 
Hi gals,
i keep having headache recently and this morning i feel nausea when i brush my teeth. Now get abit worry cos dunno that is there anything wrong with me. Worry that the sac didnt flush out totally.. I have make a appt with gynae next mon to do a scan. Hope everything is fine..

Hope i dun have to go through the D&C after the scan..
 
hi cynthia..i m sorry to hear ur encounter.. my boss called me on the 2nd say after my surgery, and ask if it's ok for them to pay me a visit. But i rejected them..coz i really dun feel like entertaining and face people at this time. I havent tell my colleagues abt the mc also...they only knew tat i hv mc for 5 days..then i also started to receive sms n call...i just told them i m fine. For me, i do not wish to talk more abt it..the moment i think abt it...or people starts to show concern and sympathy..i will feel very sad and tears again. I know it's very unhealthy for me to avoid it..but just cant help it. Crying will triggers my headache..so i really wan to avoid it.

Hi porky..yup..the urine flow will be slow initially...the nurse also told me abt it. For me, i couldnt urinate after 3hrs i wake up, making me very stress. Coz nurse said must urine 1st then can only go home..fyi..i took the medicine with water (minimum amt), then i drink hongzhao again.

jappoh..go for a check up 1st...dun worry too much ok? wait for the result and see how.
 
Hi Shirley,
though i didnt go through the D&C but when i receive sms from my boss or close fren asking abt me i will tears as well.

I find that i have frequent headache after the MC dunno wat happen to me.. And now i feel like vomiting for the whole day lei.. I think my body get haywire already..
 
hi jappoh..maybe ur headache is triggers by the crying and lack of sleep..me too have mild headaches for few days...but it seems better today. Though i still didnt sleep well last night..dun worry too much in the mean time...rest more, k?
 
Hi Shirley,

I guess just like you, I choose not to talk or think about it.... I don't even wanna meet people cos like what you say, they will start showing concern and sympathy.....

Let us heal on our own,,,,,,,,,,,
 
hi, i'm from sep08 thread.

my 2nd scan at 9 wks+, baby has no heartbeat and is the size of 6w4days baby.
i do not have any bleeding or any abdominal pain. my gynae said that baby is not growing the way it should but would not say it's a MC.

i did some reading and i think what i'm having is called a "missed miscarriage"...altho' my gynae said that it may or may not be a MC, but i've a feeling that my baby is no longer there. info on "missed miscarriage" here: http://www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/ref/missedmiscarriage/

anyone has a similar experience?? baby not growing, no heartbeat but no bleeding?

if i were to undergo a DNC, how many days of mc will i get? i have some important things to settle at work. cant afford to go on long MC.
 
Hi fsa,

Sorry to see you here....

When I did my scan on 16/02, I was told that my bb was not growing as well... The previous scan on 05/02 measured bb at 3mm, had a heartbeat and the 2nd one bb only measured 4mm with no heartbeat.... I did have bleeding before that for more than 2 weeks, and was also during bleeding that bb had a heartbeat, and bleeding stopped during CNY and I had no cramps but some on and off pain at the pelvic area..... My gynae just told me it's a MC which I don't think so as well.....

I was given 14days mc.....
 
hi fsa..sorry to hear abt that..

my case was also similar..my baby growth is too slow..so gyna suspect it's not a good pregnancy. She did mentioned maybe baby growth is too slow..so she suggested to do a blood test to check in the pregnancy, which i did as well. As long as ur hcg level is still increasing..then, it should be fine, maybe baby is just slow in growing. I did not have any miscarriage symtoms as well..no bleeding..no cramps..nothing! Still feeling "preggy" b4 my dnc. My gynae only gave me 5 days mc. today is the last day..next montday need to go back to work..sianz..

Hi ladies here who's doing mini confinement..does it means that we are not encourage to step out of the house during this period? How long isit suppose to last? 1 wk enuff...already a bit sick staying at home all time
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Shirley,
could the spotting mean ur 1st AF is coming?I've had abt 2wk bleeding after dnc.My 1st AF came abt 1mth after dnc.My 1st AF started with spotting,i was worried & called my gynae...wondering why there was bleeding started again...But the flow got heavier the next few days so confirmed it was 1st AF.Mayb u shld observe for few days....

I did a 2-week confinement after dnc.During this period,I still went out during wkend bcoz we r too used to bringing our son to go out during wkend.However, my mum asked me to wear a sweater or jacket.I'll definitely encourage u to go out but make sure tat u wear a sweater/jacket.I can't imagine myself staying at hme for even a week....

I feel it is ok to stay "alone" for some times for us to try to get over & accept the m/c.I can understand how u feel...

Cynthia,Porky
U r not the only one who cried in the ops theatre.I was crying when the nurses pushing me to the waiting area till the ops theatre.When I heard the operating "sound",my heart sinked.It was a terrible experience.
 
Hi ladies,

Hang in there and be strong ok?Tell yourself it will get better each day ok?It has been almost 7mths since we say goodbye to our little one & I must say it is less "painful emotionally" now altho tat does not mean tat we will forget the little one with less pain.

I went for my wisdom teeth extraction under GA 3 weeks ago,when i lie on the operating table,the lights suddenly reminded me of tat dnc day and i tear with no control.

Let's all be strong and look forward to the new year with renewed hope ok?

I thot i was crazy when i still feel a mixture of emotions til now abt pregnancy,babies,loss and sadness.But when i read this book "Pregnancy after a loss" by Lanham, Carol Circulli,it totally help me to understand all that i m feeling is normal and help me prepare mentally if I shd get pregnant again.

So I urge you to borrow it from the library,it is really helpful.
 
Hi hi.....

Thinking of going to Japan beginning of March but it's still rather cold there....

Any idea if it's okie?? cos confinement not suppose to be in the cold???

Thanls :)
 
hi pj..thanks for ur encouragement for all of us here..

hi cynthia..yeah..japan is a nice place! which area u wan to cover? b4 i know i m pregnant, i actually planned for a japan trip yr..wanna hv a 2nd honey moon b4 having baby...coz hv already planned for a baby this year..but never actually ttc..just let it be naturally..suddenly it just came..so me forgo the japan trip. there will be a natas fair coming up..not sure if u r aware of that..maybe u can check it out too.

hi avocado..after this weekend i will need to start work already..so life will goes back to normal. I guess it's almost impossible to do confinement once we started to work..but will take note of wat u mentioned, wear long pants and jackets...thanks..hehe
 
hi cynthia, u r right on saying this sentence "Let us heal on our own..." i also feel very pissed off when my fren sms me saying "how are u coping now, u r still young can always try again.." another fren sms me "my dear fren what happen to u ? my 2 pregnancy is ok leh, never experience this before..." i feel like switching off my hp and not received anymore of this type of sms...i also cant tahan if any frens, col or relatives say that they are coming to my house to pay me a visit, i just tell them is ok, no need to come. i will recover soon. i have to handle my MIL comments at home and is enough...i do not wish to entertain anyone else...pls let me have some peace ! the moment i woke up i only feel like surfing the forum and i feel so much better after doing that.
 
hi porky...can feel ur anger in ur msg...cool down,k? dun let those words hurt urself more...we all will cheer up here!

had a good sleep last night? I remember that i didnt have a good sleep for long long time already! felt that my best slept was during my surgery..strange..i dunno why they wake me up after the surgery. I was already out of the operating theatre..but still inside the waiting area. Then a guy voice...he said wake up, everything has finish already..but i just ignore him n cont to close my eyes..feel so sleepy..after that i was push back to the day surgery ward..i still close my eyes...but ppl surrounding me so noisy..so i couldnt sleep anymore..very fed up. But i had a good sleep that night. Thereafter..no more good sleep for me..now wondering if sleeping pills will help..as next week need to go back to work, so a bit worrying that cant wake up in the morning..!!
 
piyobaby, i was abit awake the moment the nurse put me on my resting bed. btw, mine is LA not GA..dunno what is the diff...i even ask the nurse is it over already, and she said yes. then i use my hand to feel my tummy, the bum is gone...only a pad stuck in between my legs...why ur hubby took photo of u ? my hubby was not allow to come into the resting room at all...so i slept for a while. i do not have anymore spotting today...so fast ?? i have already sms Dr Woody last night, he say 2 weeks time and ask me to take care. so nice of him.

shirley, u also feel slow flow of urine ? i do have the urge to pass urine, just that it will flow out very slow...a bit scard thot that anything goes wrong after the D&C...

hi jappooh, just go for the scan and see how. is best to know if everything is fine. at the meantime, dont think so much.

btw, did any of u being exposed to natural wind ?? this morning i woke up and walk to the kitchen, then suddenly a gust of strong wind blown at me (my kitchen is facing the sea view...) then just now i find that i fart a lot...is my imagination running wild ??
 
shirley, yes i got the best sleep last night. also din sleep well for weeks. the nurse there shouldn't have wake u up... i was awake on my own but fall asleep after that. i guess the nurse at TMC is quite nice. they even use the divider to closed up my resting area and ask me to sleep more. aiyo ur gynae only give u 1 week hospital leave huh...i got 2 weeks but i feel like gg back to work...staying at home is so boring and time pass so slowly...did u take the pain killer that ur gynae give u ? if no pain then no need to take right ?
 
hi porky..i also fart a lot the next day..it smells also..so i thinkit could be due to the GA..i choose to breath in my GA (gas type) instead of the injection...scared of needles liao.. the nurse got explain to me so flow of urine is normal..even some might find it a bit painful/tight the 1st time they pass out urine..but subsequently it should be ok.

i went to giant shopping for groceries 2nd day after my dnc..so also exposed to some wind..but i wear long pants and jackets..i guess the nest is try to minimise it. but i still switch on fan at home..just that i dun direct it at me...
 
hi fsa, sorry to hear that...is it confirm already ? who is ur gynae ? my gynae is Dr Adrian Woodworth, usually he will give 2 weeks hospital leave. but my experience is not same. at first got see bbb at week 5+, then suddenly cant detect bb after spotting at week 7+...then blood test confirm is a miscarriage at week 8...
 
shirley, oic. so mine is LA (injection type) and urs is GA (the breathing gas type) cos i only rem my gynae poke the small needle on my hand then i knock out liao. never breath any gas at all. ya i feel like a bit tight below there when pass out urine. last night i sleep with the aircon on...but i wear long pants & long sleeve. also wrapped a thick towel round my tummy area...
 
Hi Shirley,

Most probably Tokyo... My main purpose is to do shopping of cos... haha.... Any good suggestions? ;-) Just saw on the papers today, there's a 3D2N Free & Easy 1 for 1 at $1288.... Think it's a good deal and will probably extend another 2-3 days....


Hi Porky,

Don't be too affected by what others say... esp that friend of yours saying her own pregnancy is ok... None of us wants this to happen and no 2 pregnancies is the same.... Just found out that my friend has to have an induced labour in a few days time... She already about 6 months and found out that something is not right with bb's brain.... A lot of people keep telling her things like, 'since bb not normal, it's better not to bring it into this world', etc, etc... She knows all this and does not need to hear it over and over again... She know what she needs to do.... Just give her the space to greive and feel her little one kicking for a few more days.... It's not easy for any mother to accept giving up on her child... All I did was just say, 'I'm sorry...' and gave her a really tight hug.... Actions speak louder than words at times like this.....

Oh and my bleeding is back.... Pinkish in colour... Is this normal??
 
hi porky..u can also wear socks if u want..i wear only for 1st few days..now lazy to wear liao..

oh ya..cynthia..yesterday my spotting also pinkish in colour..seems like blood diluted w lots of water like tat...but today only hv brown spotting! hehe..tokyo ah? u been there b4? i went there once, but only for 2 days stay..personaly i feel that it's more for shopping and foods only. I would prefer somewhere i can relax..slow pace..and nice scenery..the price u mentions seems quite good. which airline is that?
 
ya i do wear socks when i go to sleep last night. seems like being wrapped up like a mummy...then this morning i woke up with lots of sweat...yucks !

wow, u & cynthia planning to go on holiday huh. my hb also say want to bring me to BKK for shopping trip...but still not yet confirm...
 
hehe..porky..tat's nice! a good break from everything..

i m not confirm too..but i would love to go for a short break. my hubby will be gg for a re-service in early march...sianz!

by the way..porky..u staying at sengkang? as u seeing dr woody. Me too stay in sengkang. i m very hungry liao..now waiting for hubby to reach...eat dinner! hehe
 
shirley, i stay in punggol drive, the new estate. less than a year. my 1st gynae was atg TPY. then i change to Dr Woody at Sengkang. yes is dinner time !
 
Cynthia..i liked the part which u mentioned the phrases...same as you...when i have my m/c...all those ard me said everything in the 'Never say these phrases'..i appreciate that they are concern abt me...but deep in my heart...the 2 scars will be there forever and ever.
 
hey fsa....sorry to hear abt dat...so wat is ur intention now? my case pretty similar to urs....baby stop growing compared to previous scan and heartbeat no longer detected....a 2nd scan the next day confirmed no heartbeat thus suggested D&C.....i was given 14 days of hospitalisation leave post surgery.....=)

porky....wat do u mean resting area?? when i kind of regain consciousness....i knew i was back on the ward where i had been wheeled from earlier....so hubby in oso in the ward beside mi....he took a photo cos he juz came back from collecting our digi cam from repair....guess he's trying out or mayb too bored.....anyway shut ur ears to all tos comments u feel uncomfy over....dun bother abt them ya....meanwhile juz concentrate on regaining ur health which is more impt.....=D
 
i went for my 2nd review post D&C....the blood clot discovered last scan was gone...phewz!

gynae advised to wait till the next completed cycle to TTC again....asked him if there's any implication if we TTC b4.....his advice is dat it is still ok cos he has patient who conceived after 2 weeks and yet carry the healthy baby to full term....the reason he advise to wait for the next cycle is to ensure dat the womb is back to norm and lining of uterus is fine.....im oso to see him again after my 1st AF (abt 6 weeks later) to ensure dat menses resume and all is fine.....
 
Hi piyobaby,
Happy for you that your blood clot is cleared. Btw, did your gynae advise u n yr DH to avoid sex at the moment? Coz, mine did and he also told us to start TTC 6 weeks later, after the first AF. Yr gynae is so detailed, mine did not ask mi to go back after my 1st AF for further check up. But, I am intending to. Coz, I want to do a pap smear before I start TTC.

Besides, after my procedure done abt 2 wks plus ago, I had slight spotting/bleeding for a week. After that, I dun noe why I have bleeding since Thursday, not sure if its AF. But, again AF shouldnt be so fast right? Called my gynae and he told me that its normal. Asked me not to worry, as he has patients who bleed on n off till their first AF... it will stop n come.
 
thanks sheryl....he did not mention abt avoiding sex but onli advise to TTC after 1st AF...again it does not means dat one cant conceive during tis period of time...it's juz extra precaution i guess.....=)

did u ask for patients similar to ur case...how does one differentiate 1st AF or spotting post surgery....wat if 1st AF comes wif veri little bleeding...would it be mistaken as spotting post surgery too?
 
Hi all,
Me just had a mc too. Can someone advice me if I can bathe? My mum does not allow me to wash hair. How long must I wait til I can shower?
 
Hi Jlow...
I am sorry to hear that... personally for me, I still shower as per normal. Actually I jusy carry on as per normal,except that I have been eating 'Bai Fong' Pills every morning. At night before I zzz, I drink a few sips of DOM.
 
hi Jlow, so sorry to see u here too...u got natural mc or done D&C ? my mum also dont allow me to bathe or wash my hair...i only use a towel to wipe my body with warm water. i did not wash hair...my mum say better dont bathe for 2 weeks..
 


huh Porky I only one week hospitalise leave. If no wash hair then the whole office can smell me from afar lor..how..
I had a natural mc.
 

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