Support Group - Mid Term Termination Of Pregnancy

[mkchewy]

Ser,

Yes, I was thinking of you yesterday as well. I remember you from the Sept 09 Thread. Same as you , I have been going in to read the arrivals. Both my ex colleagues due in Sept, one had given birth earlier in August and the other one , awaiting for her bb's arrival too. A bit sore and jealous when I receive their sms

Mon,
TMC helps a bit but it's too slow. Dr felt I should shrink it back ASAP since it's been 4 months since the m/c. Hence, no choice I had to take the jabs (Lucerin / GnRH). It's so harsh on the body. I having headaches/ hot flashes and insomnia kick in already on 2nd day. Will temporary go into Menopause mode to let the uterus rest and shrink. 1 more jab in Oct. And will monitor the size, if all is good, will go for SO IUI in late oct or nov.

You been through a tough journey as well. Hang in there, hope you are healing well and the IUD will be remove in 2 wks time. Sending Baby Dusts to you again.

 

[sane]

Mon Mon,
Things are getting better now especially at work. Finally the people there stopped treating me like a alien prompting those silly qns. I think there's nothing to stop us from the heartache may it be 1 or 2yrs as We gave birth to the bb and seen them.
The wound will always be there. Till now, there's not 1 day that I have not think of my boy especially now my bestie is pregnant and
she's pretty excited about it and relating her monthly scans to me. Of coz, I am thrilled for her too
but it does trigger painful memories. Though she does keep encourage me to try for another soon but
this is not the right time for me yet. My hb will be posted to overseas next year. I intended to try
for one there juz like tat time I conceived my ger.
I do not intended to let anyone know including my mum, felt that the more ppl know, the more they jinxed my plan. It had been proven twice.
Nobody can understand the pain in our heart. I did not tell anyone too except you gals.
My hb's cousin will be due soon too but I don't think I will attend her bb shower too.
Glad to know that you are healing well and hope to hear more good news from you.

Chewy, until now I do not have the courage to click into the Sep thread. It sure pain my heart to
see the pics of the lovely babies knowing that my boy could have been 1 of them. My neighbour's daughter
and another distant colleague will be due in another week's time.
I sure will feel sore too if I hear news about them. However I conceal my feelings well, never show any emotions. Later become their target of gossip again.

 

[pegsfur]

Hi ladies,

Have been reading this thread on & off. I was here sometime ago to share my pain as well. For those that did not know, my waterbag ruptured at the early stage of 2nd trimester and i had to induce (or rather, abort my bb) at week 22 cos the waterbag just wasn't healing and it kept leaking. My boy wld not have a chance to survive as he is simply too small. I 'delivered' him after 12hrs of labour pain, and finally he's out..... such a small baby and he looked like his father. We took a pic of him and he will live in our hearts forever. I even tattooed his name on my wrist to remember him by.

That happened in Nov 2007 and was my 2nd loss. I had a D&C prior to that as bb had no heartbeat at week 7.

After the 2 losses, the road to ttc was filled with fear as we constantly wonder if the same thing will happen again. We tried for almost 12 mths and finally i was preggy again last Dec. In fact, i have just given birth to my son in Aug, full-term

I'm not here to show off ... cos i understand perfectly how u all felt abt hearing pple's pregnancies, deliveries and bb's birthdays. I've been thru that as well ... sometimes with bitterness and jealousy, at times if in better mood, just shrug it off. Ser said it right that nobody can understand the pain of losing our little ones if they have not been thru it themselves.

So here i am, just want to share & encourage everyone here that your day will come.

 

[swm]

SeR,

When I went back to work, I got the fear of how to face my colleagues. How they will see me or pity me or gossip behind me.

So the day came. Some just smile and act nothing. But some really give a warmth welcome back look and a pat on the shoulder.

I guess some really don't know how to react to us. They may talked behind us but may not be gossip. They may be concerned but just don't know what to say in our face. I guess it depends on the person's character. I remember we had a pantry lady, super gossiper, glad that she had left the company or else I'll definitely be very miserable.

 

[sane]

pegsfur, congrats and thanks for sharing your experience with us. It is heartwarming to know that there are successful cases. As long as we never give up trying, tnere will always be chances of success!

mango, the first month was the most torturing especially in a big co. Some tot I jus came back
fr maternity leave and wanted to see bb's pic. Some kept prompting about what happened.
Those I wasn't even close heard about the incident from gossiper xxx and kept asking me what happened.
I was really furious when a office b*tch commented that I became so fat. With these kind of colleagues, I need to think twice oabout ttc.

 

[mkchewy]

Wow.. Pegsfur, thanks for sharing & congrats on your BB BOY

I'm so glad you came back to this thread to share some hopes and encourage us. I hoping all of us here will be there some how soon in the future with a new bundle of joy.

My miscarriage was at 22 wks too. Just curious, was this pregnancy smooth throughout? I just wanted to know. Since the next pregnancy if successful is my forth time.

 

[pegsfur]

Ser,
U r welcomed.

Like i said previously, i've been reading this thread on & off and i was so tempted to encourage you ladies earlier during my pregnancy but as we all know, anything can happen and I won't consider myself reaching the end of the race until i have my bb in my arms. So i stayed off till i delivered.

chewy,
Thanks. I sure hope you ladies are encouraged by my post

Ya, this pregnancy is pretty smooth ... i'm not sure if it's becos of the various restrictions my gynae imposed on me that ensure this pregnancy went smoothly. She ordered a twice a mth check-up till i was in my 20th wk instead of the normal once a mth, and advised me to stay off all exercises and intercourse. She said this time round, she'd rather be kiasu.

 

[swm]

SeR,

Sorry to hear that such unpleasant incident happened to you. For people who's really so insistence to know what happened ? I would said they are damn outright insensitive or kay-po or just plain gossip.

Once, I met a nextdoor colleague in the office lift and she also thought I've delivered. I just told her calmly that my boy is in heaven. She quickly apologised. I do not blame her as I believed not everybody will receive the bad news. The fact that she apologised and move on to other topic is well appreciated.

I think the least that people could do is not to probe further. This is something so painful and so personal. If people want to share, they will talk. If people don't want to talk about it, just leave them alone.

 

[monster]

Hi hi hi ladies,

I'm feeling happy today coz i juz bought a web book fr COMEX last night.Damn crowded.

anyway,Chewy,y u still go into the Sep thread? i never joined those thread coz i think i was so caught up with the preg,work,everything else,i had no time to participate.it may have been a good thing.aiyah! stop torturing urself and don't go read those posts lah! btw,i'm supposed to organise lunch.i shall get back to u on that.a bit bz recently with my post grad studies.maybe some time next wk.i always say that,don't i? oh dear,shame on me.

And u,SeR,y are u also reading the Sep thread? pls delete it fr memory.it will only bring u more pain.i think the impt thing now is to protect urself fr heartache.until today,i'm still doing that.my hubby says it's denial,but at least i can live 1 day happily,and that is all i ask for.it's not easy to be dealing with life in general,aching for ur lost baby,trying to conceive again,and also sparing a tot for our hubbies.so we really don't need the extra heartache.oh dear,it must be really difficult for u now that ur bestie is preg.i know exactly how u feel,esp if ur bestie has a smooth preg.u can't blame her for being happy (we were once like that too),but it certainly aches.i wonder how u can tolerate all these.my good friend went thru' a lot to have her baby boy too,so she knows exactly wat i'm going thru' and i feel happy for her now she gave birth successfully.but i think deep down inside,i feel we are on par,coz she also had a few m/c.maybe that's y i can feel happy for her.u know,SeR,if i get preg,like u,i will keep my mouth shut.but it's so difficult.preg is a happy news and i want to share it.but the fuss that has gone on when i was preg the 2nd time was madness.so i have decided i won't even tell my hubby.yes,my closest person.he was so ridiculously restrictive that i was so unhappy.preg is a natural stage in life,and one should bask in the joy of being preg.it shouldn't be an unhappy time.but for us,it's already going to be a worrying time,so i really don't need that extra stress.if it's reasonable stuff,i accept that i cannot do this,cannot do that.i wasn't even allowed to eat pizza coz gynae said no soft cheese.but she specifically said any cooked cheese like pizza is okie.guess hubby only heard no cheese.yes,so i couldn't enjoy a lot of my fav food,which poses no harm to me at all.he will always say,"y u wanna take the chance?" take wat chance? nothing is going to go wrong eating cooked cheese.so maybe next preg,i won't tell him.but that also means i can't tell anyone else coz i always feel it's only appropriate if ur hubby is the 1st one to know abt the good news.it's so sad,isn't it? i want to share my happiness,but can't.anyway,after 2 losses,i think there's going to be a lot of apprehension in the 3rd preg.

pegsfur,

Congrats on ur baby boy.u have been rewarded for all ur 'hard work'.it really spurs me on,u know? thanks for sharing.

 

[monster]

Ladies,

I juz need to share.Wow...I don't know wat to say abt this.it's always my hubby's friend.this wife of my hubby's best friend posted on faceook that she's hoping to have her baby (2nd child) on 20.09.2009 coz she reckons it's a good date.And another announced her preg on facebook.I think this facebook thingy is really destroying me coz i hear all the news on it.maybe i should take myself off facebook.

it shook me a bit,it made me envy she's having her 2nd child,it made me sick with vomit that she's choosing a date to have her child.but again,there's nothing wrong coz if i was a mum-to-be,i would have done the same.

once again,the much dreaded 'baby topic' came up during conversation with my hubby yesterday.he reckons once we have kids,we will reintegrate with his social circle.i said no,coz his friends are so insensitive towards us,i don't see a need for my child to interact with them.i would like to,initially,coz my child will have friends.but i figured out i can always make friends with other mums in child care,play group etc and find friends for my child.and hubby said i am selfish.maybe i am.but fr that statement,i can sense how he feels the loss of not being able to hang ard his friends.would any of u gals hang ard such friends? nothing in common now that we are moving on to another stage in life.for them,it's all abt baby,milk bottles,diapers,play group etc.i think it will make me feel so jealous and so shitty that i wanna stab myself in the heart for a quick death.thank god i am blessed with good friends who still ask how i am 1 yr on,who still console me when i need a listening ear,who still protect me.

wat can i do,i would really like my hubby to be able to reintegrate with his friends,but the only way he can do that w/o being hurt /feel jealous /have ill feelings is i can give him a child.and if we only reintergrate with his social circle after we have a child,does it make us feel like a sore loser?

 

[mkchewy]

Wow.. Pegsfur, thanks for sharing & congrats on your BB BOY

I'm so glad you came back to this thread to share some hopes and encourage us. I hoping all of us here will be there some how soon in the future with a new bundle of joy.

My miscarriage was at 22 wks too. Just curious, was this pregnancy smooth throughout? I just wanted to know. Since the next pregnancy if successful is my forth time.

 

[monster]

Hi Pegsfur,

Like chewy,I too would really like to know how u went thru' ur 9 mths of preg.was there any 'craziness' surrounding u? like how my hubby reacted towards me? how did u make it thru' mentally,and how did u feel when u finally had a 'take home' baby? pls share if u feel comfortable.

Ladies,

juz to share.I finally have my IUD taken out after 6 wks post op.it's definitely a relief.once i fin my contraceptive pills tom,i'm on my way to ttc again.i don't know whether heaven is indicating something to me or not.hubby picked up a flyer at the gynae yesterday abt a talk on IVF given by NUH.he is so keen to go,but i have lessons on that sat.anyway,seeing him being so proactive abt ttc,i registered and i guess i'm going to skip lessons to accompany him.y not? if he's so proactive (he didn't use to be like that),i shan't dampen his spirits.

today,when i came back fr work,i saw a mag and it was opened to the page "clues to IVF puzzle".i checked with hubby if he deliberately flipped to the page as he wanted me to read it,but he said he didn't even read the mag.well,is heaven trying to tell me to try IVF? i dont' know.

well,on to happier stuff.i hope u gals can feel like me one day.juz a simple thing like feeling happy today coz i had din and caught up with my cousin made me feel happy.i never tot i can have happy days again after so much crying.but still,i cried coz i feel so liberated that i'm able to feel happy.strange,huh? and i'm so thankful i have a good support group ard me.my cousin cried when she heard of wat i have gone thru' recently.she had to made me stop my story coz her stomach was queasy.Wow! i was suprised by her outpour of emotions.and i'm thankful for her reaction.juz having someone say she knows how much i have gone thru' makes me feel so so consoled.

 

[monster]

Hi ladies,

I juz need to vent my frustration.my hubby's best friend's wife is giving birth to no.2 soon and she's announcing on facebook.so irritating,right?and these are the ppl who keep popping babies.this is also the couple who offered me a HPT kit.sometimes i feel life is so unfair.but i also believe if u work hard for something,u'll be rewarded.maybe the reason for making me wait for a baby is for my hubby to appreciate the baby more,or maybe it is for us to improve our couple relationship 1st.i don't know.

yesterday,hubby made me so mad by saying something really silly.he said 1 of his collegue is going on maternity leave soon.i know this lady too and i didn't think she was due so soon.so i asked y she's going on maternity leave so early.he said,"2 mths b4 birth,2 mths after birth,to prevent a m/c." i blew my top.is my hubby saying i didn't stop work,that's y i had a stillbirth? NONSENSE,right? anyone of us here will know it's all unrelated.i feel so unfair that suddenly hubby is blaming me! it's ridiculous.sometimes i feel once i get preg,i want to go back to australia and hide fr everyone.coz i know how much pressure will be placed on me.if the birth is successful,still nevermind,if the preg is unsuccessful,i will get blamed coz i'm not following everyone else's nonsensical advise.i feel preg is a stage of life,a very beautiful stage of life,and it should be enjoyed.unfortunately,juz thinking of the emmense pressure placed on me,i can feel myself breaking down already.

and after i posted my last post abt the coicidence,i tuned into Okto,which i haven't done for a long time,and guess wat was on TV? Surrogacy in India,and how this medicine lady in China can help couples have children of their desired gender.am i more sensitive nowadays,to the extent of being too sensitive? or is god trying to tell me something?

 

[monster]

Hi ladies,

today is the 2nd annivesary of chloe's supposed EDD.i shocked myself when i totally forgot abt the significance of the date.and today passed like every other day.but today is extra special coz today passed w/o shedding a tear.

 

[shiseru]

Hello, how is everyone?

I posted once here about termination of my pregnancy becoz baby was diagnosed with spina bifida during the 20 weeks scan on 6 Aug. We seek a 2nd opinion with Ann Tan @Paragon and confirmed the defect was severe where the quality of life may be compromised. We then made a tough decision to end the pregnancy.

I was induced 5 times and took 18 hours before I delivered. The labour process was painful and without any rewards, knowing the baby was going to die within seconds. I felt my heart tore into pieces. I have no baby to carry home...

My hubby and I took a last look at our baby. Small but bigger than my palm, with nails and other parts nicely formed. She is our beautiful daughter and we will always love and remember her.

It has been 2 months after the incident. I missed my daughter, I wonder if she have felt our love during her brief moment cradled under my womb. I am still sad though the feeling is less chokey now. I have returned to work, and resume my normal life.

2 menses have passed. I am 35 so there is really not much time to waste. The fear is there but our desire to have a child is greater than fear of losing another so we are ready to try again. I hope God gives us strength and bless us with a safe pregnancy and a healthy child soon.

I hope everyone is doing well and not lose hope too. Baby dust to all!

 

[monster]

Hi Shiseru,

I saw ur post in the 2WW.I wanted to reply ur post on the day i read it,but I was so tired,i didn't have time to reply.

*hugs* how are u and ur hubby coping? my heart goes out to u and ur hubby.Pardon me,but can i find out if the doc managed to find a reason y the spinal bifida occurred? coz these days,gynae starts u on folic acid very early.and folic acid prevents spinal bifida.

Did u do confinement? I didn't use to think it's essential to do confinement after my stillbirth.onsidering it took 9 mths for me to conceive again,i now think it's very impt for ur body to heal properly and confinrment helps u with that.Was this baby conceived naturally? if yes,then i guess there's no need to go for fertility treatment.I was in a real hurry to conceive again cocz i have a 'life plan'.I wanted to get married by a certain age,have kids by a certain age,have a house,car,do my post grad by a certain age.so far,everything that involves another party didn't work out according to y time line.I only 'furfiled' the post grad and the house and car.and alas! i didn't conceive until 9 mths later,and in the process,i was worried i couldn't conceive naturally again.So i tried IUI and both tries failed.

I'm very glad u went for a 2nd opinion b4 u decided to terminate the preg.and i'm glad didn't brng the baby into this world,coz it would have been suffering for the baby.Even if we r willingly to take are of our 'special needs' babies,we wonder if we r doing a disfavour to the baby by bringing it into this world.

kudos to u for enduring the labour.i think u r in a worse situation than me,having delivered ur baby alive,only to know he/she won't make it.my baby was delivered still.i had to be induced twice and my entire labour took 26 hrs.i wasn't dilated fast enough and i rem at antenatal class that walking (gravity) helps the baby's head go down faster,so i tolerated the labour pain and went for a walk out.it was really a painful labour,and also a fruitful labour.i agree with u abt the pain of having no baby to take home.

like u,when i looked at my baby,i tot she is the most beautiful baby in the world.I think this every other's instinct

Juz something to note.this coming thurs (15 Oct) is remembrance day for lost infants,stillbirhs etc.at 7pm,u can light a candle to rem ur baby.i juz re-decked my planter and i'm using this thurs to 'officially open' my planter.I'm going to light a large candle for Chloe (stillbirth at 29 wks,july 2008) and a tealight candle for baby XXX (m/c at 9 wks,july 2009).

take care,darling,and post here if u need some support.we'll be here for u

 

[shiseru]

Thank you, Monster. Both hubby and me agreed to sent the baby for post mortem, it still need some time as KK said the brain is a little complicated, we think the severity of the spina bifida is the cause, or maybe my body wasn't strong enough, I guess I don't have the answer.

The spine is developed during the first 4 weeks, often before a woman knows she is pregnant. By the time i took it i was almost 6 weeks pregnant, the defect was either there or it's not, and I guessed I have rotten luck, spina bifida occured 1 out of 1000 pregnancies, and we happened to be the 1. I have questioned many times "why" but i guess I don't have the answer as well.

This is my 1st pregnany after 12 years of marriage, baby was conceived naturally so I would like to believe our fertility is fine. Yes my mum insisted I do a 1 month confinment, body's great, just my heart ache needs some time to heal. I have never lost a loved one, probably that's why I took the downfall very hard.

To all the mummies who have lost the battle to fate, God has put us through very tough ordeal but let's be strong and find the love and courage to carry on, our little angels are at a different plane, watching over us.

 

[swm]

15 Oct, still pondering if I want to light up a candle. He is always in my heart.

There is a write-up on razor tv on undertaker doing a burial for a malay still born. watch half way only, don't want to tear uncontrollable.

 

[mkchewy]

Hi Mango,

Monster and myself are keeping the date on 15 Oct to light candles for our Angels in Heaven.

Ladies (FYI only)
Oct 15 has been proclaimed in the US & Canada as a day of Remembrance for Pregnancy & Infant Loss.

Therefore, On October 15 of every year, at 7 p.m. your time, light a candle for one hour in memory of our babies who were lost far too soon. As each time zone extinguishes their candles and the next one light...

http://www.october15th.com/

 

[monster]

Morn Shiseru!

Aiyoh...I can only imagine ur intense joy upon conceiving after 12 yrs of marriage.I can also imagine ur disappointment.i think even if u have lost a loved one,an infant loss is really different.babies represent joy,hope,our future.losing a baby is very different fr losing a mum/dad/sibling.we have never even seen how our babies look like.while they were tumbling ard in our tummies,we can only imagine whether they have mummy's big eyes or daddy's long limbs.it's the anticipation.but unfortunately for all of ur here,the anticipation reached an anticlimax.it's good u did a post mortem.but at least for u,u knew a reaason y ur baby would not make it.for me,it's really sudden death.till today,i still do not know y my baby suddenly died.it's good to know a reason so docs can prevent the same thing fr happening.i feel so sad for u.yes,like u,i questioned y y y! y must it happen to my baby? i c cousin's babies being delivered alive,i c hubby's friend's baby being delivered alive though there was placenta detachment.and my baby was fit and healthy.but i do believe everything happens for a reason.we may never know the reason though.take some time to heal physically and emotionally.pls don't say it's ur body's fault.i believe if a mother can conceive,and c the preg thru' 1st trimester,then it's not the body's fault.a mother's body is very protective.Shiseru,u may want to get a 2nd opinion.another opinion is always good.juz as in my case.Dr.Shamini Nair fr KKH discovered a vaginal septum when i delivered.she sent me for an x ray of my kidneys to make sure they are okie coz all these organs originate fr the same cells.my kidneys are okie.i was not satisfied,coz she said she will put me on asprin for the next preg and hope for the best.that's not good enough for me.i want my gynae to do everything he/she can,and if things still happen,i say it's fate.so i went to A/Prof Mary Rauff at NUH.Mary rauff was also 1 of my choice of gynaes for the 1st preg.but in the end,i chose KKH coz it's closer to my workplace.Mary Rauff sent me for heaps of tests.progesterone level tests,3D scan of my uterus etc and she found a uterine septum.i subsequently got preg but had a m/c.i suggested to her we remove the septum to minimise future complications.and i had the septum ressected.had i stayed at KKH,the uterine septum would never have been discovered.

Hi mango,

*HUGS* do join us in the simple act of lighting a candle for remembrance.it's a nice way of remembering our lost babies.i was telling chewy that i hope my baby makes friends with hers in heaven.I find by having something to rem my baby by,it feels a lot better.i bought an alphabet train with the letters A( hubby's name),B(my name),C (Chloe).i also bought D & E to complete our family.i intend to name my next child beginning with C,the following,D,and hopefully no.3,E.I think it's very normal for u to tear when u watch stuff related to infact death/stillbirth.do u know that everytime i post in thie thread,i cry too? the tears juz flowed.never knew i had so much tears! but it's normal human emotions and i juz let the tears flow.i will clean it up,blow my nose,and move on with life

 

[shiseru]

Thanks Monster. I received a call from KKH today and informed about the post mortem. Baby was confirmed severe spina bifida, back of the brain has fluid which is the possiblitiy of having a baby with mental retardation. In addition, the baby was diagnosed horseshoe kidney where the two kidneys are fused (connected) into one arched kidney... My baby has so many problems.

I went for a full body check up few days ago, coz I kept complaining it must be me that's why baby turned out unhealthy. Today my health report came back said everything's okay! Guessed I am being a little negative about everyting after the incident.

Perhaps it's a good idea to consider going KK for a check up, to look at my eggs and my husband's sperm quality before we try again.

Did you and your husband has a check up too?

 

[monster]

Hi Shiseru,

i had a friend who also had a stillbirth at ard ur gestation period coz there was something wrong with baby.i juz want to tell u u're not alone.do u watch 'the human spirit' on okto every mon night at 10pm? everytime i watch the programme and i c children brought into this world with problems,i tell myself these kids really suffer and their future is so unpredictable.it's a worry everyday,as much as it is a blessing that these kids make it thru' 1 more day.if ur health reports turn out fine,believe it.

i don't know how docs can check for the quality of ur eggs,but i know docs can do a semen analysis for ur hubby.i suggest u don't do the semen analysis coz most of the time,ur hubby's sperm will turn out abnormal.i went to NUH coz i wanted artificial insemination.hubby was really unco-operative w.r.t ttc and i was fed up.i made it sound like we really cannot conceive.doc did a SA and hubby's sperm was terrible.that really upsetted and worried me.after 2 failed IUIs,i conceived naturally.so,even with hubby's porr SA result,there must have been 2 good sperms that impregnated me the 1st and 2nd time (2 preg).

 

[shiseru]

Wow that is really informative thanks a bunch Monster. I called up KK yesterday, the nurse told me for lady can only check for ovulation. And for men can check quality and sperm count but even after knowing, can't guarantee anything. I heard the healthy sperm are usually better swimmer though i dunno how true it is.

I was reading some articles about fertility and came across this, made me laugh ^^ http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/ate/menshealth/204932.html

 

[babythad]

Hi sheseru,

I was reading your posts, and sorry to hear about your loss.

I also lost 2 pregnancies as a result of anencaphaly (a deficient in folic acid in the babies). The 1st one i thot was because i didn't take folic way before i conceived, but the 2nd time, i did take deligently and still the same outcome. My point is that, whatever it is, we still have to take folic for the sake of a healthy baby.

But with regards to your detailed checkup in the hospital, I did mine at NUH under a genetisist. I didnt hear my gynea's advise of "no point checking further as it is going to be expensive and nothing we could do".

OK, i went ahead to check and 1st consultation with detailed blood test to check whether i'm normal interms of folic cost me $1,500. The test results came out showed that I am at the normal range of all factors. The the doctor when on to explain that we should get the husband to check too. Well, I dint go ahead cos it might cost another bomb for a normal result.

Afterwhich, the next tests if found that hubby is normal would be genetic tests. The genetic tests would only be useful if we consider conceive thru IVF, as cell would be extracted to test on the defect of that particular gene. And, the genetic test cost US$2,000 per test and there are actually many types of genetic defects that could result in baby not absorbing folic acid.

Hope the above doesn't confuse u, but I gave up on the tests after the 1st since I'm normal, and hubby prob would be too. Then, for genetic tests, there's nothing we could do on genetic defects between hubby and me.

So, now we understand why my gynea kept telling us there's nothing to be done and that it's going to be costly when the checks. She even called her friend, another very experience gynea at KKH in the presence of us to confirm that the gynea also concurred with her.

I understand how u feel about the loss.. I've been thru 2 abnormal preg and 1 miscarriage in the span of 18 months.. so, the pain is really great and the fear to get pregnant and be notified of another abnormal one is just too much to bear.

I'll still consider to TTC when I'm mentally ready.

 

[monster]

Hi Shiseru,

Haha!! I read the article and it's hilarious!!! it's riiculous.everyone should read it and had a good laugh.I'm glad that something made u laugh.after the stillbirth,i was so down i hardly laughed.it took me a long long time for me to oome out of the tunnel.I think in every ejaculate,there will be good sperms and poor quality sperms.so u can't expect the entire lot of sperms to be strong swimmers.u only need 1 strong and good swimmer to have a 'take home' baby.

babythad,

My heart goes out to u.u & ur hubby have gone thru' so much.I asked my gynae if i should have a genetic counselling done.i've never knew how it was going to be done,but i've heard of genetic counselling b4.then i went to a IVF talk by NUH.it was quite informative.it showed the IVF laboratory.u r very accurate in describing the genetic tests.i didn't know it cost so much.but as far as i know,they will only tests for known genetic problems wtih familiar tendency,e.g. sickle cell anaemia,haemophilia.if u don't have a particular disease that u and ur hubby can potentially pass to ur baby,there is no way of testing for genetic problems.

i've oome to accept wat is urs will be urs.wat is not urs will never be urs.look at my situation.when we had the stillbirth,hubby will say it's not meant to be.immediately after the stillbirth (As soon as my period returned),i started trying like crazy.it came to a point that i wanted to try daily during my fertile period.no luck,so i decided to short cut it and go to IuI.i failed twice.then i got preg naturally.I think it comes to a point that we will be happier accepting fate than fighting against it.

 

[shiseru]

Oh I am so sorry to hear about your loss babythad, No one understand the pain unless one has experienced the same andit must be horrible for you having to go through this twice. My heart aches for you.

I am 35, married for 12 years and this is my first pregnancy. God gave us a surprise but took it away, it was short-lived. I am scare and worry too however the desire of wanting a child is greater than the fear of losing another, so we are ready to try again.

I have given up the idea of going for check up. However we will do our best, eat a healthy diet, take folic acid, exercise regulary so our body is in best condition TTC.

I hope you are coping well, it is hard but do not lose hope.

 

[shiseru]

Glad I make you laugh, Monster. I think his sperm need swimming lessons. ^^

I dun think we needed IVF or IUI, since we can conceive natually.

Trying to conceive, perhaps read this http://www.pregnancyloss.info/sperm_meets_egg_plan.htm

 

[stefie2104]

Hi Babythad,

Sorry about your loss, my hearts goes to you.

I terminated my pregnancy due to anencaphaly too. We found out during 11 week OSCAR test. I did take folic acid 6 months before I conceived. I think really heng suay thing. The chances of this deformity is 1 in 1000 babies. This is my 2nd M/C. My 1st was due to baby has no heartbeat at week 12. My 2nd M/C is very hard to bear, cos I need to terminate the pregnancy. It is even harder for you since it is 2nd case. Don't give up, be strong. God will give us strength to move on. We will have healthy babies in our arms to bring home. Jia You

Be positive

Now I can only taking TCM and taking multi-vits and hope for the best for my next pregnancy. I am planning to TTC when my 2nd AF comes.

Don't give up, we will have our chances to have healthy babies in our arm

Be brave

Be positive

 

[babythad]

Hi monster, stefie and shiseru,

hubby and i dint want to go thru IVF cos we could conceive naturally.. and we have a healthy preg, and our child is already 3 years old. well, its just not meant to be ours, and we believe that in time to come, if God is willing, we would be blessed with more healthy children.

But, the fear of going back to my gynea clinic and getting the womb scanned is terrifying.. cos both abnormalities were detected at week 9 and 10.

Stefie, you are right, the chances of the deformity is so low, yet we are the ones who got it. For me, having another 1 actually increase my chance of having the same in future preg. Before my 2nd termination, i even considered giving birth to the child and just having to hold him/her for a few minutes. Crazy right? But thank God for the support of family and friends, I managed to move on.

ok ladies.. I've let the past be past.. and yes, I'll TTC again.. maybe next year lah..

Hope you gals have good news to share soon too.

 

[shiseru]

Turn to us for support lahz. I find strength and comfort in support forums. I also very worry, coz if one has been pregnant with a baby affected by a neural tube defect, she will have a 2 to 5 percent chance of having another pregnancy complicated by an NTD! Looks like the next pregnancy isn't gonna be joyful and is gonna be rather paranoid about everything.

Babythad, you can TTC after 2 menses, I suggest let nature takes its course...

 

[stefie2104]

Hi Babythad,

Just ignore the no. and try again. My gynae mentioned that chances of my next pregnancy with same deformities would be low, read on internet it is about 2-5%. God had made 2 cruel jokes with you, must have faith, there will not be 3rd time.

You are not crazy at all. It is mother's love, just that the baby and you will suffer more. Early termination would let you recover faster and get ready for next pregnancy.

Be positive okay. Have Faith, be brave

I am so ready to try again, cos I really need to feel pregnant again, being pregnant make me very happy

Have to keep praying for healthy babies in my arms to bring home.

 

[shiseru]

Wow Stefie, sprinkle some of your optimism to me please ^^

 

[stefie2104]

Hi Shiseru,

Jiayou

Be positive, Be brave, Be happy (essential for baby making

Don't be scare, there are things we can't prevent, we can only hope for the very best in our next pregnancy

Once pregnant your fear, your worries will be all gone. Take things day by day. The rest is up to God. Even with my short pregnancy, my baby really brought happiness, hope and positive to my life. Even my baby is abnormal, I have been very good mommy for that 11 weeks only. If not for the hormones injections and pills, my 2nd baby would be long gone. I should Thank my angel for bring joy to me even it was just 11 weeks.

Baby dust to you. These few nights must jiayou

(Saw your post in mummysg)

 

[lucky3]

Hi Everyone

I am sorry to read all the stories but these are what we have gone through or are going through. In short, I had a natural m/c at 7 weeks and the following pregnancy ending stillborn at 34 weeks. We do not know the reason and will never. I started taking folic acid once we got married that we are unsure what went wrong with the first pregnancy too.

I hope the upcoming news will be encouraging to all of you here....I had a c-section at 37 weeks for my 3rd pregnancy last week and I have a live baby finally!!!

It was not without any problems as he was in breech and breathed in water during the delivery process, staying in ICU for first 3 days of his life. It was a hard time for me recovering from the c-section and was restricted to bed that I could not see him till end of 2nd day. He had all needles attached to his hands and being tied so that the needles can stay intact or he will have to be poked again. I could not cuddle him becos he needed oxygen to help him breath. All is well now with him at home, asking for milk at night while it is such a blessing to be able to wake up in the middle of the night to feed him.

My 2nd pregnancy was 3 months after the 1st m/c and 3rd pregnancy was 6 months after the delivery. I went through 40 days confinement which I believe has helped to improve my health taking chicken essence, DOM, Yomeishu and ginseng. Although all tests showed that I am healthy, I still believe in Chinese medicine which provided me with more strength or "qi" which can't be proven by western medicine.

The road ahead might not be a smooth one, but I hope everyone will be able to get through and arrive at the destination. My dearie baby is sleeping soundly in his cot now and I hope the day will also come for all of you, very soon.

 

[shiseru]

I am sorry to hear about your 2nd one, but I admire your strength and the never give up attitude. This is definitely very encouraging, Lucky3. Thank you for sharing and be proud, you are an awesome mummy.

 

[monster]

Hi lucky3,

WELL DONE! and congratulations to u and ur hubby.u can be a proud mummy now.btw,ask a favour of u.do u think u can spare any HPT kit or O kit? the last time chewy spared me some O kit,and i got a BFP.it know this is bordering on supersitions and insanity,but desperate times calls for desperate measures.

hiyah,talking abt waking up to feed baby.so fed up with hubby's bestie's wife.put on FB (she juz had no.2) that she is so tired coz she has to pump 7x a day.i was telling chewy i was so tempted to put a nasty comment on her FB,but she's hubby's bestie's wife,and i don't want to sound like a sore loser.but it really irritates me to read of such things.all these feeding,waking up at night etc is part and parcel of motherhood and i will embrace it when my turn comes.like u,i think it's a blessing to be able to wake up at night to feed my baby.juz me and my baby,some bonding time.it's a pity i cannot share these tots with my hubby,coz that will evoke a quarrel.thank god i can share it with u gals here.

i'm now taking TCM to 'bu,bu,bu'.this is to make up for whatever western med cannot take care off.i've minimised consumption of green tea,cold drinks etc.

okie,darling,enjoy uself with ur little boy.i'm so happy for u.i teared when i read ur post,u know? i guess it's tears of joy for u.u deserve everything coz u worked hard for i.i hope my reward will come soon.i don't know how long this ttc journey will be for me this time

 

[mkchewy]

Hello Lucky3,
Congratulations and Thanks for not forgetting this thread. It's really good to hear some good news here.

Spread some needed Baby dusts to the rest of us !!! Enjoy your motherhood...

Bravo !!

Shiseru / Stefie,
I'm sorry to heard about your m/c.... it's never easy I bet for all of us here regardless of how many weeks we are in.

About me...
I had lost 3 so far ... #1 (Ectopic at Wk 5 in 2006), #2 (Lost of heartbeat at Wk 12 in 2008) and #3 (Unknown case at Wk 22 in May 2009)

As we celebrate our 6th Wedding Anniversary today.. I feel so moody ... just one of those BAD day I'm having... And dealing with the side effects of my GnRH jab i took for the womb. I'm like on a roller coaster ride.... my bp stand at 160/110 this morning..last evening was at 130/87. Driving me nuts.

So reading the thread over and over again and reading Good news from ladies like Lucky3 does give me some comforts... this site is like my "cup of comfort" or "chicken soup" for my soul

Mon,
LOL.. the O Kit was how our friendship begin. Go get some O kit from the others.. And next,you gonna send me one when I'm ready for TTC in Dec. Just to spread the baby dusts across.. you never know...

 

[lucky3]

Thanks, gals!

There is no way that I'll forget about this thread. This is also a place where I find support and to pour out all thoughts for losing the precious little one previously.

My hubby says he looks like his brother, although it is unfair to compare them, I feel so blessed to be able to have him now.

Mon

I do not use ovulation kit at all. I use the basal temperature thing to track my temperature first thing in the morning. This helps me to save costs for pregnancy test kit too as I can calculate how many days it was after ovulation, and whether I should open up that $10 pregnancy test kit and wasting them for a few times becos I just couldn't wait! The temperature tracking helped me, hope this will be useful for you.

I know how some people complains about waking up in the middle of the night for feedings. I am very tired but I feel so blessed to be able to wake up to feed him when he is crying for milk. Only we can understand.

Oh, in my previous post, I forgot to mention that apart from the tonics, I also take Dang Gui after my menses. My body is really suitable for all these herbal stuff so I am enjoying the confinement food. Don't take Dang Gui when you are having menses as it will cos more bleeding but you can take it at least once after menses.

Remember that I mentioned vitamin C containing Zinc, such as Redoxon or Watsons 1000mg type previously too? For both hubby and yourself before ovulation to keep your mucus healthy and the antibodies helps improve sperm quality.

I have passed all that I know and tried, good luck to all of you!

 

[monster]

Hi chewy,

yes,sure! once i have successfully given birth,i'll pass on some of my O strips and HPT kit.but i'll only do this after i successfully deliver.coz i'm sure all of us know our history here.so i deem it lucky only after i have delivered my baby.

when u mention abt u feeling moody,the 1st thing i did was to look at the calendar.and no,it's not the 12th of the mth.haha.yes,sometimes u still get bad days,it's normal.it's 1.5 yrs on for me already.so quick,and i'm still affected by preg issues.and u know wat? i was like u too.i read the post over and over again and i cry.it's really heartwreching.don't worry,it will get better

lucky3,

thanks for sharing.hope to catch some of ur bb dust

 

[shiseru]

w00t, just came back from Hongkong, shop like crazy, my colleague said I was smiling during my sleep guessed the trip has helped me relax. I also went to 黃大仙祠, I cried when I told my story to 佛祖, 觀音 & 黃大仙, I hope they heard me...

When we were shopping in Hongkong, there was this man carrying a baby boy walked past us and the baby SMILED at me and aww it made my heart melt ya know, the feeling was strong and felt warmth.

Ohhh, BB dust, come to us! Let us have healthy babies! ^^

 

[monster]

hi Shiseru,

it's really good u enjoyed ur trip.something to make u smile.i went to Shanghai a few mths after the stillbirth.i've always wanted to go to shanghai.but i was so moody the whole time and this is my 1st trip i didn't really enjoy.i was in a daze,juz not mentally there.the 1st trip i really enjoyed was this April when i went to japan.and 2 mths later,i BFP.

aiyah,i know that warm,fuzzy feeling abt seeing cute kids.one day....like lucky 3,1 day we will get it.i hope my one day comes soon.i've been waiting fr 2 yrs already

 

[shiseru]

I am sure we will. I am glad I have found this forum/the support group as it helped me through very difficult times.

Losing a baby is a traumatic event so let's take one day at a time, count our blessing, good relationship, family. We won’t forget this period of our life but the pain will definitely lessen eventually.

Perhaps one day we should arrange a gathering for mum-wannabe like us then we can all yak and talk nonsense! ^^

 

[loveym]

hi ladies - sorry for not writing. the thread moved so fast...

hi lucky3 - congrats! thanks for sharing the tips and the 'bu' stuffs. I heard cant take tcm when preg. Is this true? Can u share whether did u stop work when u preg this time? can u recommend who is your doc caring for u? u must be well taken care of. hope u dun mind sharing wif the rest of us here what are the dos and donts when u preg this time and managed to carry till full term. I guess alot of ladies here look upon you for advice. a real success story...

 

[stefie2104]

Hi Lucky3,

Gongxi Gongxi

thanks for sharing this wonderful news with us

Nothing beats having healthy babies in our arms to bring home. Yes only us who had went thro' M/C would appreciate motherhood more

I feel much more positive now for my next pregnancy. Thanks for sharing the tips, I will be TTC once my sinseh say can go ahead. Cannot wait liao

Hope to catch some babydust from you

Hi Monster,

Jia you

Babydust to you

Hi Chewy,

Thank you. The pain will make us enjoy our motherhood more. We would have healthy babies in our arms to bring home. Be positive, brave Jiayou together.

Babydust to all

Jia you

 

[mkchewy]

Stefie,

* High 5 *
Yes, the journey to have babies in arms to bring home is long and trying. However, all the pains/ efforts will make us appreciate every little things to make us a even BETTER MUM and enjoy motherhood.

JIA U !! Btw, which TCM are you with now?

 

[twinkle_33]

Hi Chewy,

I'm here to join as well...

 

[mkchewy]

Welcome Yeng,
you mentioned you lost yours at wk 21 due to infection. Would you share with me beside bleeding, do you experience any other things else?

 

[stefie2104]

Hi Chewy,

Jia you

Be positive. Our turn will come.

I am with Dr Chan from Ban Choon Chan at Marine Parade central. He is my 2nd TCM sinseh actually. Was with Pauline from Chong Poh at Serangoon North after my dnc, her stuff very ex cos she kept pushing her MLM USANA stuff to me, within 2 weeks I spend $300+ for Multi-vits and supplements ($140+), Chinese Medicines ($50), some tonics for my confinement ($120). I gave up in the end cos too ex to maintain and need to see her every week plus my gynae said must take pure folic acid (10mg cos my baby deformity cos lack of Folic acid) and not just depends on Multi-vits. So have to stop the MLM supplements if not I will be overdose with Folic acid 15 mg (10mg from folic acid pill + 5mg from MLM multi-vits). I am taking pre-natal multi vits (Obimin) which cost only $22 for 100 pills.

So went to see Dr Chan on my 2nd week after the procedure. Paid $45 for 3 packets of herbs which need to brew and drink once every week. Only needs to see him once per month. But only thing weekend the queue maybe very long. To me it is okay as long as it is only once per month.

Hth

 

[mkchewy]

Thx Stefie,
guess a few of us here same age group. I seen the TCM at Jurong East in the past. But now only doing acupuncture with Raffles Hospital. No more med .. just needles.

Not sure if I read before.. who is your Dr HOPE? I'm in the mist of looking for another dr @ KKH ...

 

[stefie2104]

Hi Chewy,

My Dr Hope is Dr Adrian Woodworth. I gave him that nick cos I trust and like him alot. See him make me happy like my idol, he like got halo on his head like that. Silly me

Maybe cos I had 2 m/cs already, I think he is the 'one' that will help me to fufill my dream of having babies in my arms to bring home (Planning to have as many babies as possibe).

I told my hubby I am attracted to Dr Hope, he almost faint. Ha!! ha!! Cos Dr Hope make me feel secure and safe

That's why I am very positive about my future pregnancies. Heng my next appointment will be in 3 months time, if not I will have butterflies in my stomach if I see him. Ha!! ha!! Pardon me for my siao siaoness