Support Group - Mid Term Termination Of Pregnancy

hi gals...
i'm claire here...
i join ur thread hor...
cos i seriously wanna know what shiseru is talking abt during our conversation....
haha...
 


Hehe, i didn't realize the last post by Claire, why you stalker huh? :p

Mummies, mumwannabe. I am here to drop a message again. We are going to have a mini gathering next Friday 18 Dec, 7.30pm (we have the 1st one in Nov). Mummies who had went through the same experience but sharing the same goal now! Please do join us if you are keen to meet other mummies and make new friends. Drop me an email [email protected]
 
Merry Xmas and Happy New Year everyone! Hopefully soon we all hear Baby Tigers ROARR! 加油!

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Hello Ladies

I am posting now since Baby D is finally sleeping soundly for his nap. I am so thankful to have him with me although we lost his elder brother. I still miss him a lot even when admiring the charming Baby D. We will definitely share with him when he grows up, about his brother who was also in mummy's womb for 34 weeks.

I just want to wish all ladies here all the best. Do not give up! Best of luck in the year of tiger!
 
hey lucky3,

i'm so surprised to see this thread active! tot everyone has been quiet.btw,juz fyi,shiseru had a BFP! yeah! 3 cheers for her.she worked so hard & i think she really deserves this.ur darling must be almost 6 mths now? it's such a joy to be finally experiencing motherhood,isn't it? i always visualise myself having a child,& that positive visualisation keeps me going in tough times.just out of curiosity,how did u keep ur mind so positive all the while during the preg? didn't u get scared when 'the time' came close? how did u make it sanely thru' 'the time'.& how closely did ur gynae monitor u? sorry,i forgot wat happened to ur 1st child.was it like mine? suddenly no heartbeat?

ladies,

does anyone know where i can get a handheld doppler machine? my sis may be moving back fr australia permanently,so i'm thinking of getting one fr there.i can't find any in s'pore
 
Monster, I am sure you will, and all ladies here will become proud mothers one day.

lucky3, i am so happy to hear that you are enjoying your motherhood! I hope we will have the chance very soon too!

Monster, why you wanna buy the handheld doppler machine? To listen to baby's heartbeat? Doesn't it makes you stressful? Not sure if this is available in Singapore, but you should be able to find if you do a google, perhaps try ebay, and ask your sister to try looking for one in Australia too.
 
What's BFP? Anyway, sounds good, so congrats Shiseru.

Monster, yah, mine was the same as yours but I didnt have the courage to look at him to bid him farewell like you.I omly saw him in the trolley far away from the delivery bed.

This time we had to go for c-section at 37 weeks just in case. My gynae advised not to get the doppler as it is quite difficult for us to find the heartbeat and will make us more paranoid. I did kick counting. Maybe you want to consider? There was one week during the check up that the gynae had a hard time measuring the heartbeat. We could find it but cant measure due to Baby D's position. It took a while and I held my breath before Baby D cooperate. That convinced me not to get the doppler.

Baby D is 3 months now and starting to recognise me. He'll smile at me when pass by his cot. Everything is so worth it despite being sleep deprive! i am breastfeeding him now as I type.
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Jiayou!!!
 
Hi Shiseru,

i've always wanted to get the doppler,and i have a feeling it's not easy to get in s'pore.my sis may be moving back permanently.once she leave australia,it may be difficult for the aussie ppl to send to s'pore or i have to pay a lot more.and yes,handheld doppler to listen to bb's heartbeat.

lucky3,

BFP=big fat positive! yah,i rem u mentioned abt not getting handheld doppler when u were preg.i rem ur preg story.can i ask how come u went for c-section only at 37 wks? didn't ur gynae advise one at 36 wks? my gyane refuses to bargain with me.she says at least 36 wks.all the cards have been laid out for me a long long time ago.did u wait till 37 wks coz ur gynae wanted u to fin 36 wks? i dont' know wat my gynae means by 36 wks.coz if beginning of 36 wks that means actually the preg has only gone thru' 35 wks.i think when the time comes,i will beg & beg & beg.i'm juz too paranoid.it really comes down to a mind game,isn't it? keeping positive....i can feel ur joy,though i don't know u in person.the last part of ur post juz makes me smile,coz i know u were smiling when u wrote that
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BIG FAT POSITIVE!!! WOW!! Congrats again Shiseru!

Monster
The gynae said 37 weeks is best since the lungs are fully developed by then. Less chance of any complications. I know some gynae's benchmark is 36. I think it is also impt if your gynae is confident. A friend had c-section at 35+ weeks due to high blood pressure and the baby was only 1.9kg. Luckily everything has developed so he only stayed in special care for one day. He has caught up with the weight gain already.

We've been thru the tough time together in this forum and I really hope to bring some +ve vibes to you guys! I am glad it's working!
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Hi lucky3,

huh? ur friend's child is only 1.9kg at 35+ wks? isn't that a little small to start with? my friend delivered at 34 wks due to waterbag bursting & her child was 2kg.so safe.& she told me her child has always been in the 30th percentile,that's small already.small birth wt doesn't equate to small stature.

yes,we have been thru' so much together.seems like we know one another so well,but we haven't even met! haha.well,one days,our kids can all be good friends.
 
Hi shiseru,

May i know how long you wait to try again? I had a stillbirth when my gal was 35 weeks. Her heartbeat just stop and she is gone.

Hi Gals,
can i noe how many weeks you were when you lost your babys? Sorry if i have bring up your sad memories
 
shan81, my gynae said as long as i am ready, and to wait at least 1 cycle. After the birth, i bled for 2 weeks, then my first AF returned 1 month after the incident, no D&C done coz my placenta came out complete. I waited one cycle to complete and started TTC again.

*hugz.. I know it's hard but take care
 
Hi M/s Confused,

I'm so sorry to hear of ur situation *HUGS* how are u & ur hubby coping? it must be tough,isn't it? was that ur 1st child? 35 wks,so close,yet so far.that's y i'm looking at getting a doppler to monitor my baby's heartbeat.the gynae can only do so much.

i lost my gal at 29 wks.same thing,suddenly i felt no movement & when i went to the hospital,they couldn't find a heartbeat.it was the most painful experience of my life & it will remain the most painful experience of my life.but time will lessen the pain.trust me on that.another friend who also had a stillbirth told me this,and she was right.the 1st yr passed horribly slow.the whole world was delivering babies right in front of my face.friends were congratulating one & another upon the arrival of a new memeber of the family.i shunned all those.did that help? i don't know.did that make me look like a sore loser? i don't really care.coz at that moment,my emotional healing was all i cared abt.i put myself in 1st place.

i started trying after my 1st period.it took me 9 mths to succeed.that 9 mths were living hell.in the end,i tried TCM & it seemed to help.i also used preseed.the gal i lost took 2 mths to conceive.in the end,i ended up with a m/c for no.2.so now i'm on my way to no.3.well,as lucky3 says,hopefully,it's 3rd time lucky!
 
Hi Shiseru,
thanks!!i wanted to TTC again but the fear is there.

Hi monster,

Ya, its v v tough for us. Her EDD is in dec 09 and we have planned her baby shower, christmas and CNY.. she is our 1st after trying for 1.5 yrs. didn't you do any blood and placenta test after the incident? I'm still trying to find out why this had happen. My result shows that her blood has flown out to the maternal, but when i question my gynae he can even give me a specific ans. just tell me that the amount of blood(241.4ml) flown out is not significant to cause her death and mention that its due to "we are merely unlucky" that this had happen. Crue isnt it? after complaining to the CEO of NUH, the CEO's reply mentioning the amount of blood flown out is definatly the cause of her death as it is 90% of her blood for the weight of 2.445. it makes us even tougher as they are giving us 2 different ans. We are still trying to find out more on the cause. wrote to MOH but was refer back to NUH. Not sure what can we do now!!
 
Hi M/S Confused,

now i know y u gave urself that nick! looks like u're quite close to age as me,i assume u're a 1981 child? i'm 1980.

yes,i agree with u.the fear will always be there,even after u have a successful preg,coz u know these things can happen suddenly.my heart goes out to u & ur hubby.take time to grief.i think it really helps.after the incident,everyone is telling me to be strong,try again,etc.but it's not like failing an exam,try again.it's a life.a little life we have been looking fwd to.though i only tried 2 mths,we knew we wanted a child.and like u,her EDD was supposed to be in Oct 2008.i've planned to bring her to my cousin's wedding.i've even bought beautiful shoes for her to wear to the wedding,coz i think even though she's only a few mths old,but she has to be presentable.we got married in Feb 2008 (after CNY).i even said it's perfect! the 1st yr i have to give out red packets,my child will receive red packets.so don't lugi.haha.we r not that cheapskate,but i tot that would have been perfect.i envisioned her 1st mth celebration etc.everything u & ur hubby envisioned for ur gal.

who was ur gynae at that time? i was with KKH.but there's really no one to blame coz 1 wk prior to the incident,i had a detailed scan (detailed scan some more!) & everything was fine.yes,i did a full post mortem.i was juz in a daze,and gyne said we may not find out answer,coz most of the time,there is no answer.but hubby wanted to see if there was a cause so that we can prevent it fr happening again.a thrombus (blood clot) was found in the umbilical vein.so the gynae tot it was the cause.she's a friend of a friend some more.but she said she'll put me on asprin for the next preg & hope for the best.when i heard that,i told my hubby i'm never going back to her.i know she may not be able to do more for me,but i don't want to hope for the best.i want my gynae,the person who has the most knowledge of preg,to try his/her best for me.my choices for gynae during that preg was A/Prof Mary rauff (NUH) or that gynae fr KKH.in the end,i chose KKH coz it was closer to my workplace & i tot if there's any emergency,i can get there easier.6 mths after the incident,when i started picking myself up,i consulted prof mary rauff.i'm still with her now.she said the blood clot prob occurred after the birth.i tend to agree more with her.to have a blood clot kill the baby,it would take a really really huge clot,coz there's are many many vessels in the umbilical cord.& that would have to travel fr somewhere in my body to the umbilical cord.it would have prob killed me 1st.i always believe (& i still do) that a mother's body is very protective.i guess ur question now is: how did the blood leakage occur & was there anyway it could have been picked up? well,u held on until 35 wks,even if u get ur gynae to deliver u at 35 wks,i think ur gynae will agree.mine is still borderline,so my gynae will never agree to deliver me that early.

i don't think there's any use complaining to MOH,coz the hospital wasn't negligent in anyway,neither was the doctor.unless it was a defect that could have been picked up,then u have a chance of sueing the hospital.we still have no answers now.1.5 yrs on,i'm coping a lot better.i decided to do my post grad studies & the moment i got into the programme,i found myself preg again.life is so ironic.but that preg didn't last long.i accepted that loss coz it was an early 1st trimester loss,which is very common.it's juz natural selection.

the fear will be there.but if u don't try,u have no chance of becoming a mother at all.if u try,u may be fearful,but at least u have a chance.this chance is so important to me that i treasure it & i'm willing to go thru' it emotionally.it's never abt the physical,it's the emotional challenge.there are success stories in this thread too.take that as inspirations.

come here & pour out ur thoughts and get info exchanged if u need.this forum was the only thing that got me thru' my toughest time.it helped a lot of ladies here too.w/o this forum,i think i would have gone mad coz i hardly had any support fr my hubby.
 
hi monster,
Thanks for ur words. I just wanted to have a closure for her death.. I did nt have a specific gynae. I'm under the subsidize patient.. I choose Nuh as its near my hse.. Which gynae u with in kkh? Is prof Mary consultation reasonable? Heard she is v Gd.
 
Hi M/s Confused,

are u doing ur confinement now? i had to do 1 mth confinement.it may not b a bad thing.rest more,ur body needs to rest in order for it to be ready to try again.

i don't think i ever had closure.but time will lessen the pain.it will never go away,but it will get better.believe me on that.i juz accept that it's not meant to be.

my choice of hospital has always been NUH or KKH coz i believe both of them have the best neonatal care in s'pore.i think i want the best neonatal care for my child (w/o any delay) if my child needs it.in private hospital,if they cannot handle,they will still send to NUH or KKH.

my KKH gynae was Dr.shamini Nair.

yes,A/Prof Mary rauff is wonderful.she has a wealth of experience.her consultation charges are reasonable,though higher than most coz she's senior consultant.but the money i pay her is worth every single cent.& the staff at the women's clinic are wonderful.

i'll give u the no.in case u decide to go c her for a consult.sometimes having a 2nd opnion may not be a bad idea.

NUH women's clinic 6772 2277
 
Hi Monster,

I've done my confinement in Nov. nw on ML. No gynae will speak out the truth cos i spoken to a lawyerand she mention if they will to do so it will affect their rice bowl. Its something like betraying their own colleague. i don't think i will go back NUH..
 
Hi M/s Confused,

good that u can rest during ur ML.make full use of it since it's ur entitlement.i'm self employed,so i went back to work after 1 mth.WOW! u went to a lawyer?

it's such a pity that u don't intend to go back to NUH.there are many good gynaes there.i've been having treatment under them since beginning of 2009.my main gynae is A/Prof Mary Rauff.i've had IUI under Prof PC Wong,also very experienced.i've had resection of my uterine septum under Dr.Fong Yoke Fai (senior consultant).

u know,after my 2 failed IUIs,i was so miserable coz i was trying a long time for no.2.i decided to see a private gynae (he's also quite popular)for a fresh perspective on my case.he recommended the ressection of my septum,referred my hubby to a urologist coz of poor sperm analysis result.the urologist was recommending a whole host of treatment coz it was tot that my hubby's vericocele has affected his sperm quality.he recommended surgery,even suggested if we really wanted,we can extract the sperm fr the testes & mature them in the lab for a more viable preg.he gave a very rosy picture of high take home baby rate.all his recommended treatment was nearly 10K.& i was already preg at that time.i didn't know it coz when i consulted this gynae,i was in 2 waiting weeks.so my hubby started on hormones with this gynae (oral) that cost $500+ for a few mths' supply.can't rem how many mths exactly.but i was already preg & we didn't know.seriously,if my hubby's sperm was so so so poor,how did he get me preg naturally twice?

i then went for an IVF talk chaired by Prof PC Wong.a question on vericocele was brought up.he said no surgery is required coz a large proportion of men have this & they all father children.if surgery was required to treat this,most men in the auditorium would need surgery.

that got me thinking of restructured hospital gynaes & private gynaes.i don't think i want to c a private gynae coz i juz don't know what they recommend is really necessary for me.imagine if we spent all that money & undergone surgery? in the end,i decided on undergoing surgery myself coz i tot since i'm the one who carries the baby,it is good that i eliminate 1 factor that could possibly be unfavourable to me.

if u want to change gynae,think carefully of ur choice of gynae.
 
Hi monster
My heart really went all the way out for u and at the same time encourage by u.

I just lost my bb boy at 19 weeks last Monday. I had to deliver him out and went thru 6 hrs of labour pain. I had no signs or symptoms and experience no pain prior to all this.
Now both me and my hb is still trying to cope with this lost. We are really devasted as everything went on so well. I had a beri ez pregnancy. No morning sickness no pain etc... Just can't believe my boy had left us. Still waiting for all the investigations results.

We are hoping to try once I am ready but yet fearful. Hope we can have our no. 2 soon.
 
Hi all,
i am so glad i found this tread, i was so lost when i lost my baby gal a month ago at 17 weeks.
all posts here made me stay stronger... thanks really.
 
Hi Mitch,
sorry for asking... how u found out your boy is in danger as u have so sign/no symptoms? if dont mind to share?

my cervix dono why dilated and water bag came out. gynae suspect i have incompetence cervix..
 
Hi Ethan mum
i was perfectly well and on last Monday went for gynae check up cos I pass out one small tiny clot of blood in urine. There and Then my boy's heartbeat is no longer there. Estimated his heart stopped around 17wks. I was 19 wks on mon.
Tml I am gg for my gynae Appt . As far as I know all results were normal too... So will have to see wat the gynae have to say....
 
Hi Mitch,
sometime i think why baby stopped their heart beat when there are already 17wks, in Monter's case, her baby already 29weeks? the baby should already stable?!

is your menses came already? how long it took after the D&C? mine still not come yet...
 
Nope in fact I just deliver my boy last mon and bleeding just stopped like yesterday ... I guess menses will come in 4-6 weeks? Well all thinks when u reached 2 trimester shld be safe but unfortunately 40-60% y heart beat stopped there is no explaination to it.
Now I am waiting to see my gynea and will update the cause of there is any.
 
Hi Ethan mum
just as I expected it.... No explanation to cause of fetal death.
Will have to closely monitor and put on aspirin for nxt pregnancy. But at least I am healthy that's the onli good news.
Will be ttc again in 2-3 mths time.... Hopefully can have a full term healthy bb
 
Hi Mitch,
your doc adv u to take aspirin for the next pregnancy? what's aspirin for?
ya, hope all of us will have a full term healthy bb. let's jia you together.
 
Aspirin is suppose to thin the bld and make it ez for circulation for bb ie from mother to placenta to bb.... just a preventive matter....
 
oh, any side effect? i knew a lady fm forum, she had 3 miscarriages, her gynae adv her to take both aspirin and duphaston for her future pregnancy.
 
Hi Mitch, Ethan_mum..

Sorry to hear about ur story... Hope you will slowly get over it.. although said is easy than done.. it really take time.. My daughter has left mi coming 5 mths me n my hubby is still missing her..

Mitch, agreed what u say abt heartbeat.. i think we will onli feel sucure when our next bb is born.. May i noe who is your gynae?
 
I'm glad to have found this thread as this is just the right place for me now. The thread has been quiet since Mar'10, I wonder if anyone would read. I'm not hoping to gain sympathy but would like to seek calmness and peace by letting it out here.

Yesterday, my baby gal is confirmed to be diagnosed with hydrocephalus. The situation is pretty bad as her brain has been squeezed to the side and majority of the brain cavity is filled with fluid. My gynae has sent me for a 2nd opinion by his partner practising in the same clinic and both experienced doctors have confirmed the diagnosis. Gynae told us that in some cases, a shunt can be inserted into the brain of a newborn to drain out the brain fluid but this only manages the problem, not curing it. There will be other complications associated with the shunt procedure. What's more, my baby is only 21 weeks now, making it impossible to deliver her and do the shunt now. To make things worse, it's not just the brain fluid we are facing, her upper face from nosebridge is not fully developed, this will pose another set of issues in future if we decide to keep her. If we persist to hold things till she is able to deliver, she might not be able to survive long after birth, or might be born a vegetable. In short, the doctors are not optimistic and chances of good, normal survival of my baby is almost equal to zero. By Singapore law, the legal timeframe to have an abortion is by week 24, afterwhich the baby needs to be carried to full term. This left us with not much time to decide.

There is no difference between a terrible and horrible decision, both are just heartwrenching. Apparently, we see no other options but to let her go. We understood the facts and data before us, what's very painful is to say that we will let her go. I had 2 failed pregnancies last year, resulting in miscarriages in the 1st trimester. We were very hopeful for a healthy baby finally this round after passing the 1st trimester but just when we thought things are looking good up till week20, the brain scan during the detailed scan has to show something drastic. Beside having to cope with letting her go, I have to face the fear and pain of delivering her. I dont know what to expect in a natural delivery - the pain, the hrs of labour, the pushing and breathing etc. I am all not prepared for a natural delivery at this time.

I feel that when things bad happen to us, it will always be the worst and extreme of all, worst of the worst. While some medical problems can work out by taking medicine or having a workaround, it has never been any leeway out for us, not at least for the 3 failed pregnancies.

My hubby has been yearning for a baby, esp a girl eversince we got married 7 yrs ago. I feel very sorry and sad that he got disappointed again and again. I wish there is someting I can do to comfort him. Although he is not showing his grief, I know he is also bleeding inside.

Baby Kayla will be let go next Monday. May she go to heaven and meet many nice friends to play with. We will miss her and her kicks always....
 
Furlin,

I am so sorry to have to hear your story! Although I have not personally went through a stillbirth and hope no one ever should have I share something in common with you. I lose 3 pregnancies in the last short 15 months.

I dont know what to say to make you feel better because we never will be. A part of us just falter.

We are behind you in this!
 
Hi furlin (furlin)

My heart goes to you for all that you are going through.

It's never an easy decision to make in circumstances like this.

Stay strong. The worst has happened and will be over, life will be good for you and your hubby after that. Nothing goes negative forever. What goes down must come up, right.
 
hi furlin,
the pain is intense, i share ur feelings... be strong and move a step at a time... since the decision is made for the better, let time heal ur emotions... *hugz*
u opt for natural birth or C-Sec?
 
hi all, thanks very much for your support and kind words!

Very true, no words from anyone can make us feel better. I dont wish to talk to anyone else in fact and just hope to recover in my own comfort zone. Some people said it's faster to recover if we talk about the unpleasant incident but my tears will just flow down when I read SMSes or emails from friends who are showing their concern.

I just feel very mentally exhausted after all these. The thought of having to go through the agony like the 2 previous miscarriages really puts me off. I dont dare to think about what will happen after this. I dont think I will have enough courage soon enough to try again. I just feel very 不甘愿 that I got 'barred' from carrying on a healthy pregnancy after few fails and trying so hard while others around me could have an easy pregnancy without much planning and congratulating each other for expecting. I'm not trying to be mean but I just cant stand why I'm the one left out. I'm getting to hate baby showers, 1st year birthday parties etc.

StickyBFP,
Natural delivery is the no. 1 option recommended by my gynae. Both of them do not recommend c-sec as they dont see why I should risk hurting my uterus by c-sec. If a full term natural delivery's pain is 10 on a 1-10 scale, I should be expecting a no.5 pain according to my gynae. I will be delivering in a ward instead of a delivery ward as they will not be monitoring the fetus. This fact makes me sadder further
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My baby is kicking me everyday frequently, even now when I'm typing this post. How can I believe that she is not coming to this world afterall and how do I bear to let her go...
 
Hi Furlin,

*hugs* this thread being inactive is actually quite a good thing.it's so heart breaking to see someone new like u in this thread.my heart goes out to u & ur hubby.

I can feel the intensity of ur pain.like u,i had a stillbirth in july 2008,a m/c in july 2009,a uterine surgery in Aug 2009,and finally,a successful birth in july 2010.See how it all happened in july? it seems like heaven is making fun of me.it took me 2 yrs to have a healthy child.

That mental anguish is not what everyone can understand.ppl told me,"u're young,u can have another child".i wanted to punch them in the face.how can anyone replace my lost child? it's like saying,"ur mum has passed away,u can find another mum".even till today,i always say my boy is an ADDITION to the family,not a replacement for the lost child.my hubby & i never forgot our girl.Juz on sun,he told me he wanted to buy a new car.Coz his present car was bought when we upgraded our car to a larger one,awaiting the arrival of our baby girl.so in some sense,this present car was 'bought for her'.he said he wanted to be fair to our little boy.

Actually,i teared when i read ur post.I'm so bz,but i still want to write something to u.u're correct,it's mentally exhausting.when i delievered my girl,i did it in the delivery ward.my ward was the only quiet one.it's so painful hearing the suction going and the baby's cries coming fr other delivery wards.when i left hospital,i had nothing to carry in my arms.instead,i carried home a bleeding heart.u know,when i went back for my post delivery review,i saw a lady cry in the waiting room.the amt of tears she shed and the agony on her face said it all.i told my hubby I think she juz lost a baby,and my hubby said yes,coz he overheard the lady's hubby talk to the nurse.only someone who had been thru' what we have can instantly sense that pain.my heart bled for her.i wanted to go up & hug her.coz i was once like that.i cried the whole night.when i went back to see my gyane (i went to A&E when there was no foetal movements) the next morn,i was still crying & i didn't care if the whole world was watching me cry,coz i was absorbed in my own world.

i hated all baby showers.and hubby's friend actually chucked his baby in my arms a few mths after my stillbirth.can u believe other ppl's insensitivity? everyone else ard me was getting preg,including cousins.i refused to go for any 1st yr b'day.my parent knew,so when i said i wouldn't go,no one probed further.the 1st yr was the darkest period of my life.i thought i would never have survived,but i did.surprise,surprise.this thread and the stillbirth thread helped me a lot.i cried every single day during my confinement.i asked why i had to do confinement when i had no baby,but i was forced to.

U know,the worst thing was when hubby's friends were popping babies like nobody's business.some were popping no.2 somemore.as for my side,i didn't feel as bad,coz hubby was 'shielded' fr all the birth announcements,parties etc.i felt i couldn't put him on the same 'platform' as his friend coz he didn't have a kid.can u imagine going out with a bunch of families with kids,seing them so happy,thinking:if only i didn't lose my child.hubby and his friends eventually drifted apart,partly coz of me,coz i refused to attend any of their parties.i feel i should protect myself 1st & foremost.if i didn't want to go,i shouldn't have to.

it took me 9 long mths to conceive no.2,only to lose the child coz no heartbeat at 10wks.hubby was devastated.we drifted apart again,coz we juz quarrelled so much.i was trying to terribly hard to give him a child,but he wouldn't co-operate coz he thought i wasn't ready to have another child.I think after we lost the 2nd one,it dawned upon him that getting preg wasn't so easy afterall.our 1st one came easy,after 2 mths of trying.

Furlin,cry if u need to.u will see the light at the end of the tunnel one day.it took me 1 yr....it was a very tough journey.i never forget,but i will move on slowly.and i have moved on...my girl still has a special place in my heart.and ur kayla will have a special place in ur heart too.
 
dear furlin,
which hospital will u be doing the procedure... sounds like kkh... if so, pls change hospitial... recently i witness my gf stillbirth at kkh... it was terrible... i dun wanna tarnish kkh reputation online... ur pm on ma? i email u abt it...
 
dear Monster,
Thanks very much for your comforting words & writing to me despite your busy schedule. Very much appreciated and reassuring. Of cos it will be best if this thread is as quiet as possible cos this is not a good place to be in. I just thought I might be talking to myself as I saw the thread has been quiet.

I guess our lives are tougher and harder than others. We need to put in much more effort than others to get a healthy baby. Sometimes I wonder if I'm jinxed, just dont seem to get out of the vicious cycle.

I'm glad that you now have a boy after what has happened. I hope I will be like you soon.

Yah, I know what you are saying about baby showers and the baby chucking part. I think some people believe if you carry a newborn, you will be blessed with one soon. I genna this during CNY this year & I really hate it! I refuse to carry the baby end up my hubby carried
happy.gif
Maybe their intention is good for us but I just dont like the execution part.

Friends around us are popping or already popped babies. I also feel the 'inbalance' during such gatherings so if it's really close friends gathering, then I'll attend. I dont know how I should behave. If I show my unhappy face, is like spoiling the gathering mood; if I show like nothing happened, I find it tough and unfair to my unborns. There will always be people who doesnt know my history and will start asking when we are having a kid, I dont know how to answer and either I got reminded of my sad history or I'll feel offended by such insensitivity. Well, sometimes people just need to be sensitive, esp when they know we have been married for long, they should know either we have no plans to have a baby or prob there might be something physically wrong with the couple. Else, any normal couple would have had a kid after so many years of marriage.

This round, because the baby has been formed, we will be doing a proper cremation for her on our own as we are not sure how the hospital will handle her. I cant imagine that they would just dump her off as bio-waste :_(

I'll be doing confinement, I did so for my last 2 miscarriages as well. Since no harm to my body, I'll try to stick to it and make sure all is good for conception next time. I'm thinking to get a Malay masseur to do postnatal massage for me too.

I'm feeling calmer today though I would still tear when I read your post. Everything feel just as normal as before we know about Kayla. I know next week will be tougher cos that's when the reality will really set in....Today a lady gave up her seat to me in the MRT. At that moment, I felt blessed becos people can see I'm pregnant. I'm enjoying my pregnancy and my bump. It saddened me the next moment to think that this is not going to last.

Hi Sticky,
Not KKH, I'm doing at Mt E. I had a laparscopy surgery at Mt E too during my 2nd miscarriage, stayed a night there and I think the staff there was ok. Anyway, my PM should be on, if there's anything you need to tell me, pls feel free.

Thanks to all of you for 'listening' to me and sharing/giving your thoughts...they have been helpful.
 
Hi Furlin,

Your account touched my heart becos we went through something. We had 3 MCs / termination of pregnancy before my wife gave birth to a baby girl.

The 3rd pregnancy was something like a mid-term termination becos wifey suffered from incompetent
cervix, the baby was coming out and very pre-mature. We have no choice but to terminate. The final moment was heart wrenching and even typing this, i have to fight back tears. It was unfair and it was terrible and we felt absolutely devastated to hold the baby and on our chest and let her life ebb away...she was wimpering and it grew weaker and weaker...wifey clung onto her refusing to let go even after she went...and i remembered she was so small and fragile...

we hugged and we cried before i have to steel my heart to ask the nurse to come in to do the post-delivery.

The most difficult period was coming to terms after the process and I was quite angry when one of the nurse came up to ask me if I wanted to take photo or footprint as a memoto.

Like what you wrote, we shunned baby showers and for a long while, I could see wifey looking at other babies with pain in her eyes. We din talk about the topic after that, I don't know if it is right and every once a while, wifey will wake up in middle of night sobbing and crying. I hugged her comfort her, I know implicitly why she is crying - who wouldn't. Sometimes, i don't even know how to comfort her...just hug her and told her not to cry so much, take care of her health, bb has became angel, she chose not to be with us....

Whenever people around us ask me why don't we have a kid? I will shrug and smile...how can I tell them actually if everything was fine, I will be a father of 3 ? No, people won't understand, and I don't bother to explain.

Explain for what? TO get their sympathy? TO get them to say Sorry? does not help right? It does not help the pain / anguish go away.

Now we finally have a bb girl - we went to the extreme during this pregnancy - confined to bed, wifey stopped work completely to rest for the entire pregnancy, we got a maid to do the household chores, injections to stablise the womb, a wheelchair to ferry her around to minimise walking....all for the sake of bb.

I sometimes tell wifey...donch u worry i will stray - after going through these lows...our relationship is forged through such challenging times...

Rest well, cry and slowly get back on your feet...it is long and painful...our babies hve became angels in the sky..
 
furlin, *hugs* to you as I could fully undertand the pain of it.

It used to be my healing therapy when i posted my story here.

Pls come here to "chat" if you need any listening ear.
 
hey all...

sorrie to hear your stories, and hope you will stay strong regardless. i have not lost a child, but i would like to share my story about my special child.

in the 5th wk of my pregnancy, before i even tested positive on the urine stick, i experienced two cramps in 3 days and went to KKH A&E. they could not detect sac even via V-scan & had to do the blood test to determine. when i went to see my gynae, he told me there is oni 50% chance my baby will survive cos the sac is too small @ 6weeks. i was very upset as tis was our first born, and we were newlyweds, so when my fren intro another gynae, we went to see him. he was very confident tat he can save my baby and i was put on hormone pills and jabs, and was throwing up violently till 2nd tri. but i bear w it, cos baby was developing normally. even then, my family doc told me to still do an amnio cos baby was abnormal to begin with.

juz a wk b4 my amnio, my colleague went for hers, and had threatened m/c & was put on bed rest. we chickened out & decided not to do it since baby is developing. throughout the pregnancy, we detect nothing abnormal. i had a long labour, & in the end had to c-sec cos baby could not descend. when i woke up, hubby juz told me baby needed oxygen so i had a 5sec glance @ her & off to NICU she went.

it was oni the next morn tat he broke the news to me. baby was a suspected chromosome disorder case, with multiple medical conditions. wen we subsequently moved her to kkh, her diagnosis was chromosome disorder (but she did not get it from us), with heart problems, cleft palate, intestine problems, brain tumour... and many more came along the way. initially, she was given 2 weeks to live, but she is still w us now & will be celebrating her 6YO birthday next month.

you muz think i am very lucky to have her. no doubt i love her & hv been blessed to survive these 6 years, but it has been a really really tough journey. i had to stop work cos cannot find gd maid, and the hospital is our 2nd home. we know so many medicine and medical procedures ppl often mistake tat we were nurses before. my ger has gone for no less than 15 ops, with many more still to come, but we've decided not to put her thru unncessary ones to reduce her pain. she does not feed thru a mouth, oni milk thru a button on her tummy. she cant talk, walk, or understand us, as she is like a baby.

last year, we tot we would lose her as she went thru an 8hr heart op, twice as long as the docs estimated. by the 7th hour, i was crying outside the theatre as i tot i wun get to see her a last time and regretted sending her for the op. we have cried till no tears, but everytime something comes up, our hearts pained more than pain we go thru ourselves.

wat i wan to say is, much as you miss your lost child, i wouldnt want anyone to go thru wat i went either. it was my insistence to keep the child, and she has to suffer as a result of our decision. if i had not taken the jabs, i would prob has lost her and we wouldnt be stuck here. much as we love her, we hope she will go to a better place one day, so we can all "restart" our lives. i now have no life, and my life revolves around her oni. but sadly, there are worse cases than mine that i have come to know off, and most of us do wish somehow our children were never born and didn't hv to suffer.

my family doc told me once that nature does its own selection, and as advanced as we are in medicine, we should not interfere. singapore is no place to bring up a special child, and it is already a huge blessing we are not in debts, unlike some other families we know.

your child has gone to a better place, without suffering, and i hope my child will one day go there too, where she can run free, and no more pain.

i hope i have not offended anyone by posting here, and i apologise if you are.
 
are,
I'm very touched.. my tears dropped & I felt really sorry that this has happened.. after reading your experience, I'm felt much enlightened..coz I have somehow blamed on my gynae's nurse for not doing something for me when I have bleeding during my 4-5th week..from here, I learnt that if it meant not to be ours, we shouldn't insisted... I felt my pain has somehow lifted and I thanked you for sharing this experience with us..

I hoped that your daughter could do thing freely & be happy.. I understand your anguish & pain for going thru this and I really salute your bravery & strength.. Every mother is the greatest!
 
are

All I can say is that you are a very brave mother of a very special child.

When we are down, we will think that he might have left us for the better. No need to apologise. There is no best or better senerio here but just a place to share with everyone what we are going through and getting some strength from strangers whom we have never met but someone who can understand better.
 


Are, i hope your girl will be well, she is indeed a special child, she is born with a reason, to get a chance to be love, and to see how beautiful their parents are, and she manage to, and she sees it.

furlin, hope you are recovering well now, be it physically or emotionally.
 
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