Ladies (myself inclusive), take a step back and ponder... suppose....
suppose we are such a wife to our hubby:-
1) We take care of household chores
2) We give our children good upbringing
3) We maintain our wardrobe according to our hubby's fancies (eg. what colored bras, what type of short skirts, etc etc)
4) We give in to his every sexual fantasy (swallow cum, piss play, whatever crap)
5) We dun take a single cent from him
6) We dun nag at him
7) .... you get the gist of it
Suppose we can do all that, do you think the bloody guy will fool around outside?
Come on... in life, we are all guilty of "imperfections".
We under declare our income
We over claim our tax reliefs
We 'geng' MC
We take super long leave during peak periods / school holidays
We 'siam' our in-laws
We gossip
We cursed and sweared the lady who did not throw her pad properly.
We 'hiam' our hubby for cumming to soon
everything...
and then we breakdown when our hubby cheats.....
seriously?
what i am implying is, we are imperfect, so are our hubby....
come on, gals, for example, suppose we give in to his EVERY sexually fantasy... do you seriously think he will still fool around outside?
he cant wait to get home everyday, put the kids to bed and then obtain action from us, i tell you.. wanna bet?
say for example, today I WhatsApp my hubby, with a photo of my innocent-looking face:- "dear ah, lets try your fantasy of pissing on me tonight, k?"
he will cant wait to rush home.... SYT? ONS? he will cancel all "ECAs"....
yeah... i know where you are coming from...
but well, we cant have our cake and also eat it, right?
either we become a sex-object or we risk losing to those SYTs...
no boobs can defy gravity once they breastfeed... its how we make them look sexy and perky again that counts...
after all, objectively speaking, theres no ugly woman. only lazy woman....
for example, while missionary style, instead of just lying there, we can push our boobs together...
another example, say we enter the bathroom while hubby is peeing... instead of backing off, we can volunteer to hold his dick while he pees.. just wash off afterwards lah, no biggie deal, right?
we must not stop trying... that is my message...
cant resist temptation, you say?
then we be THE temptation!
how about gargle his cum in our mouths? that will be tempting enough for him to wanna us try again and again and again...
too yucky you say?
fine.
go braless and go downstairs buy grocery together. that will be exciting for him...
not brave enough to try that, i hear?
okay....
while eating potato chips, get him to cum inside the bag of chips!
pretend to eat the "cum-soaked chips". actually, try ur best to avoid taking up a piece of cum-soaked chip...
harmless, right? yet exciting
cant resist temptation, you say?
then we be THE temptation!
how about gargle his cum in our mouths? that will be tempting enough for him to wanna us try again and again and again...
too yucky you say?
fine.
go braless and go downstairs buy grocery together. that will be exciting for him...
not brave enough to try that, i hear?
okay....
while eating potato chips, get him to cum inside the bag of chips!
pretend to eat the "cum-soaked chips". actually, try ur best to avoid taking up a piece of cum-soaked chip...
harmless, right? yet exciting
its a dilemna...
are we a perfect citizen? no.. we overclaim tax reliefs, under declare income, when our hubby needs to go for reservist, we nag or tell him to 'geng' dun go...
are we a perfect worker? no.. we 'geng' MC, we 'chop' annual leave on school holidays, we constantly keep a lookout for better jobs elsewhere...we take more than 1 hour lunches...
are we a perfect DIL? no.. we 'siam' the in-laws, we gossip, we emo towards them, we nag when going to the in-laws place
are we a perfect child to our parents? no.. we side with our hubby, we love our children more than we love our parents...
are we a perfect wife? no... we take hubby for granted....
and then we act all virgin and innocent and demand true love, demand perfect love....
come on ladies...give life a break. theres a reason for eveything in this world... we all know why we cut corners for all/some of the examples I listed above... similarly, hubby will also have his reason for fooling around outside... self-reflect
enough said....
all in all, its all in the mind... dun expect too much, the higher our expectations, the harder it will be for our hubby to meet...
i mean, come on, do we want our hubby to expect us to have perky boobs and HSD when we at our 40s? do we want our hubby to expect us to swallow every drop of his oh-so-precious-and-yummy semen every single time?
Dear Greent3a90,
I would say, do you still need this man? For anything... monetary, sexually, emotionally, anything... majority wins...
if you simply dun need this man... point him the EXIT
If you are charming/capable enough to find a better (step)father for the kids, go ahead... dun let this bastard stop you... remember... we dun get younger every day, yah...
our boobs sag, no matter how big (or small); our V loosens, no matter what was our method of delivery.. our thighs thickens, etc etc... so, if a new man says he likes you... we need salt here...
HOWEVER, if you dun have confidence in your charm/career/capability, then please stick with him and make him pay, literally...
make him your sex slave, get as much $$ from him as possible, delegate household chores to him.. embarress him in front of his frens/family, anything and everything, just make him pay...
Once we are at such a stage in life, we should stop expecting true love and fairy tales endings... be practical... make the correct decision for your life and for your kids..
they need a father? fine, stick with the bastard.
you need monetary support? fine, stick with the bastard.
you need a cock and tongue ? fine, stick with the bastard.
you need in-laws to care for kids while you go holiday? fine, stick with the bastard.
you need someone to hug? just hug your kids..
you need to release your sexual tensions? just push his head down and keep it there...
you need $$ to buy a new Praaaada wallet? f**k, just take his card and swipe..
you need someone to talk to? shit, just come to this forum...
You need someone to accompany you to go PTC? just go alone and take the chance to bio other handsome fathers!
you getting my drift?
I saw that the last post was on Oct 2015... Is there a support group anywhere?
This is the third time I found my husband breaking our promises... I find that I am in a very different position. I did not even cry... I think I need help.
Hi, choose your path and use the best method to do it.I've tried everything to save the marriage before and yet he still choose to go and beg me to stop trying.. I guess I will not take him back and restore this marriage now
I understand how u feel...I went for counselling alone too is really quite useless since the other party is not keen to participate. Try to loves urself more, make time for urself.I made appointment to go counseling - alone. My husband finds that it is pointless for me to go. In the end I didn't go for it... I postponed it till further notice.
I have my daily tasks required of me as a mom. I also have to help with the business. I don't have time to 'be myself' (as in emotionally). It is more convenient to not address issues and just behave like there are no issues - Everything is Fine, all is well.
I've already signed the separation deed last yr, witnessed by my lawyer etc..I have tried to salvage initially but since my ex insist there's no more love in him really no point even if I had been too counselling and got all his relatives help..it takes 2 hands to clap.Hi, choose your path and use the best method to do it.
If u want to salvage your marriage, look for all ways, counselling, friend m relatives help, more communication.
If u going for divorce, get the best evidence u need then get a lawyer, don't simply go around n listen to people who are not train legally, look for professional to end this ASAP. No two case is the same.
Ya she told me abt there might be dispute when comes to divorce.oops...may be your lawyer never mention... for your info...woman charter chapt 353 defines it all.
Furthermore, do you know whatever you signed on that piece of paper (pay 3-5k) will change when it come to Divorce. The terms are allow to change from housing to child care/control. Did your lawyer mention ? well may he just want to close you or whatever. But it's sure easy $$$
Hi all,
If I found out my hubby visited and flirt with pros in Feb 2016 (am having my maternity leave then after giving birth to my second child), after a whirlwind 6 to 8 months of digging And confrontation and finding evidence to Prove that he lied to me about the timeline and extent he cheated when I exposed him initially, he finally admitted that he is a Sex addict. It started with him being a porn addict before I met him and it escalated to sex addict after he chose ponography as a form of escape from work stress and family commitment (we are married with two kids). The constant surfing at sammyboy forum changed his mindset about infidelity and diseases and he had his first dirty massage at a Phuket team building trip after which he continued and escalated his activities to visiting prostitutes in spore. Although both of us think that it's all his fault for deciding to cheat, I can't deny that he is indeed sexually frustrated Too because I rejected him and is always not interested in sex during our marriage.
Since exposure, some things have been put in place to earn back my trust:
1) his pay credited to my account and he only has 10 dollar a day to eat
2) I can demand photos from him anytime
3) he gives me a miss call using office phone when he reach office and before he leaves
4) video cam installed in car and I can request to view as and when I like
5) I can check his phone and pc anytime
6) he has no more OT and I can request for his leaves quotas anytime I like
7) I have his colleagues number and I m free to check whether he is in office anytime I like if i m not able to contact him through phone
8) he has apologised to me and admit it is his fault solely and claim that he will not repeat again. Almost a year now and no signs that he repeats because I use Google timeline to check his whereabouts (though not 100 percent accurate) And Google activity to track the websites he visited (although he can still delete the history if he wants to)
Things he agreed but I have not carry out actions yet due to money issues:
1) go to lawyer and get a post nuptial agreement
2) yearly checkup report (after I discover his betrayal, he went for checkup once and gotten urea plasma which he took antibiotics for treatment), I told him that I may want him to go checkup yearly just to show he is healthy.
3) may ask for lie detector test yearly if I feel like it
May I ask, do your think that given my circumstances, I should give him a second chance? I m still struggling with his betrayal And I know I m still not healed yet, it's almost a year now. He didn't show any weird signs but I find it tough to totally trust again despite his efforts.
By the way, apart from the betrayal, he is all good. No smoke no cigarette, no verbal or physical abuse, talks to me nicely And active in parenting. Respect my parents and helps me in household chores etc. He is also the main breadwinner. After the discovery of betrayal, he is still doing all these plus those extra efforts to gain back my trust. Should I give him a chance?
Hi 1sttimemum,If my hubby is willing to do what your hubby did, I will definitely give it a try again. I always wanted a complete family for my kids and to me this is very important. Everyone makes mistake but willing to admit and make effort to change is not easy but he is doing it now. Of course, trust need to be earn and u might take more time to heal but learn to look forward is the best u can do. If u don't look forward and kept staying at the same spot where u feel pain, u will feel betrayed forever then this relationship will never work again.
I am not an expert to give advise but I am speaking from what I hope to happen. If my hubby can do just 50% of what yr hubby does, I am already willing to work for it.
Hi 1sttimemum,
So you feel that what my hubby did is enough to prove his sincerity and if you were me, you will give it a chance?
Dear Kopi,Hi 1sttimemum,
Thank you for your response,
May I know your story and is your hubby sorry for what he did? You mentioned he is not even doing 50 percent of what my hubby is doing, but is he even doing anything? So you feel that what my hubby did is enough to prove his sincerity and if you were me, you will give it a chance?
Hi thank you for reminding me that my hubby is doing a lot, I m still skeptical about how a cheater will ever Mend their ways because I m a strong believer that a leopard never change its spots and a cheater is always a cheater. I know he has done a lot and I need to fight the negative thoughts in my head in order to live at ease.Dear Kopi,
My hubby never admit the relation between him and that woman. They have been together as long as i can remember. Its 8 years already. We are married for 11 years and he started with this woman as friend when i am pregnant with #2 which he do not want. This i guess is why he find that woman better as she really can manipulate people. I get to know her after a while as i call her to ask her what is the relationship between both of them and she told me they are friends or buddy.. hahaha. The naive me actually believe. But after 1 year, i saw very intimate message (kiss, hug and sex etc) on going and its the worst when i already know her. She say 1 thing in front of me and another infront of my hubby. Long story short, they are still together but my hubby is good to the kids, not fantastically good but ok. Responsible in a way, but with me, he respect me as in he won't talk to that woman when at home or message unless he think i sleep already. Sometimes, that woman will call in the morning as I usually went out earlier than hubby so sometime i am not working, it will be caught in surprise. I dun tell my hubby when i am on leave.
You hubby is doing alot already. Not all man can do what your hubby is currently doing. But you have to learn to trust and communicate with him. if you cannot work forward, you will suffer forever. There will be a scar forever in your heart, that is for sure but work on this marriage if it can still be salvage. I am not giving you any advise as i think i am not fit to do so. But i am hoping if 1 day my own hubby can do what you hubby do, I will forgive him and move on. This is for my kids and also for myself. I will never forget which i will tell him but i will also tell him, give me time to heal and I will love you again.
I have friend choose to forgive and now is their 20 years anniversary already. We never what will happen in future so it is really up to you what you want. No one can decide for you but only yourself.
Hi ADHD.dad,
Dear Kopi,Hi thank you for reminding me that my hubby is doing a lot, I m still skeptical about how a cheater will ever Mend their ways because I m a strong believer that a leopard never change its spots and a cheater is always a cheater. I know he has done a lot and I need to fight the negative thoughts in my head in order to live at ease.
From reading so many posts from the wives here, I really am admiring all of you. So many of you still pin hopes on hubbies and want to salvage if they are willing to salvage. And there are Husbands with continuous affairs but wives still hope they change etc some Husband say harsh words but wives still hope Husband can love them again and they will try to salvage. I can only say so many of you are so kind human beings and the husbands really don't know what they are missing. My hubby just need to betray me once and I am already still struggling whether I should still trust him and move on even though he is doing all these reassurances now. I think I m a very protective person and I just don't wish to put myself in a situation where I m not sure whether I will have heartache again.
My Husband still deny that the prostitutes are pretty. He said if they are that pretty, they would become celebrities already. I don't believe him because I saw the pics in the forum. Right now when I see Thai women on the streets, I still get affected and that hatred is still there. I wished I never met my hubby in my whole life. It's an irony how I used to tell him that knowing him and having a relationship with Him is the best thing that ever happen to me but now everything becomes opposite. I still have resentment against him for making me a Mother and I have to take care of two young kids.Is it possible to add me into the support group too? I found out my husband has been visiting prostitutes at those massage parlors for the past 5 years even before we got married. From his sammyboyforum posts he even visited one right within one month of our ROM. I found out all these during my pregnancy last December. I went into preterm labour due to my emotional state. After I gave birth in end of January I went into severe depression and am now still on medication. I am working things out with my husband but I'm still very hurt and angry. Like Kopi Lim my husband admitted to being a sex addict but I still find it very hard to accept the things he's done to me and our child. He also admitted that those prostitutes he had sex with were pretty and attractive and gentle that's why he succumbed to them. It really hurt me and I have no idea how to work on this relationship when my husband has urge to have sex with other women... hope to get some support from the group... thanks.
My Husband still deny that the prostitutes are pretty. He said if they are that pretty, they would become celebrities already. I don't believe him because I saw the pics in the forum. Right now when I see Thai women on the streets, I still get affected and that hatred is still there. I wished I never met my hubby in my whole life. It's an irony how I used to tell him that knowing him and having a relationship with Him is the best thing that ever happen to me but now everything becomes opposite. I still have resentment against him for making me a Mother and I have to take care of two young kids.
Yes my hubby has done quite a lot to assure me but somehow, I find it unbelievable that he will never ever stray again. I don't know how to have feelings for him like how I used to and ten twenty years down the road, I find it unbelievable that he will only have intimacy with me for the rest of his lives. Deep down I still hope there's a way out for me to leave the marriage and being able to provide the same standard of living for my kids and I still hope there's some other man who can give me the "love" that I want. Maybe I find it tough to accept a betrayal and hence it's tough for me even when my hubby has done a Lot to show repentance.
Is there anybody out there who has gone throug the same things a few years back but managed to salvage their marriage after their hubbies betrayal with prostitutes?
Kopi Lim, my husband went for PRC prostitutes and if you look at all the sgwolf or sglonelyguy websites, they are indeed young and pretty... I share your exact sentiments really... you totall speak my mind... my husband is doing a lot too but I'm not convinced as I married him believing that I found the true love I've been looking for. He's always been very kind and never once raised his voice at me. But he did this to me... even during my pregnancy... he willingly break our marriage and our family for his desires for these prostitutes, so clearly he doesn't value our relationship and our family much... he is seeing doctor and counselor at the national addiction management center but it's still very unacceptable for me to know that he has sexual desires for these women. Every young Chinese ladies I see out on the street scares me too... I sometimes wonder do I not deserve better? I also resented him for wanting a child when he knows he has such issues. I suffered very depressing start to my motherhood and I saw my friends who post happy family photos on Facebook I get very angry and I don't think I'll ever be happy like they do.
We are now seeing counselor and she's very good even though I'm still not convinced. But she manages to help me through very tough times and help me put a few things in perspectives. If you're interested we can exchange contacts and I can give u her contact.
How much are you paying for your own counsellor? I have Budget issues as I m jobless. Is the counsellor really good? I didn't know about sgwolf or sglonelyguy. I only know my hubby use sammyboy forum and there are many Sex service websites in sammyboy. Do you think we can all come together and raise this serious issues to the MPs and get them to do something about it? They have been encouraging birth rates but how can our children grow up in complete family when all these sex website are so easily available
I agree that they are everywhere and it's up to a guy whether he wants to do it or not. However, I also believe in evil eyes. You put a person in an environment surrounded by all these activities and in the Long term, all these activities become normal in his eyes and therefore it's normal to take part in it. For example, in a work environment where everyone around you is behaving professional, you will also get affected and more aware of being professional. Go to a pub with people around you dressing sexily, drinking and dancing and socialising around, one will usually become bolder and join in the mood and the fun.Honestly, these websites have been around a long time. And while I agree that they can be harmful in some ways... it is up to a guy if he chooses to use the services on them. I am personally shocked by some of the stuff on that site myself. I guess stressed people have weird fetishes and fantasies. (some guys actually like to be cuckolded)
If Sammyboy didn't exist, another one probably will take its place. So I think it won't really do much good to try and take down these sites. I think the biggest problem these days is the infiltration of social media and apps into our lives. It is so easy to get on Wechat, WhatsApp etc and have improper relationships etc.
The evils of the modern world indeed.
But don't you agree that it's much easier to resist temptation with a supportive and loving wife?
Just like how it's much easier to go through pregnancy with a supportive husband, the same applies.
To those unfaithful husbands who did not cheat before marriage. They would definitely be hesitant towards cheating, thinking twice before doing it, but if they did not have a strong relationship with their wife, it would be much harder to resist, and they would surely give in to temptation.
s phone and pc any
Kopi Lim, my husband went for PRC prostitutes and if you look at all the sgwolf or sglonelyguy websites, they are indeed young and pretty... I share your exact sentiments really... you totall speak my mind... my husband is doing a lot too but I'm not convinced as I married him believing that I found the true love I've been looking for. He's always been very kind and never once raised his voice at me. But he did this to me... even during my pregnancy... he willingly break our marriage and our family for his desires for these prostitutes, so clearly he doesn't value our relationship and our family much... he is seeing doctor and counselor at the national addiction management center but it's still very unacceptable for me to know that he has sexual desires for these women. Every young Chinese ladies I see out on the street scares me too... I sometimes wonder do I not deserve better? I also resented him for wanting a child when he knows he has such issues. I suffered very depressing start to my motherhood and I saw my friends who post happy family photos on Facebook I get very angry and I don't think I'll ever be happy like they do.
We are now seeing counselor and she's very good even though I'm still not convinced. But she manages to help me through very tough times and help me put a few things in perspectives. If you're interested we can exchange contacts and I can give u her contact.