Glad you are feeling a little bit better today. Your grandma in heaven also wouldn't want to see you cry so hard and be so remorseful. There are other ways to be filial to our grandparents and parents besides giving them a great/grandchild, for example by spending time with them, caring for them... You have cared for your grandmother and done nice things for her, which made her happy. You have already tried your best as a granddaughter, dear.
Though I can't produce a grandchild to my parents and inlaws for years, I do the other things that are within my ability for them.
Pain has subsided now. Thanks. I didn't see doctor, as I have to continue to rush my work at home to meet deadline today. While you and
@happybb2015 are growing white spider webs, I'm growing white hairs lol.