Motherhood Life - sucks..

[jose]

Is anyone feeling the same as me?

I don't like my current life, even though 4 years into motherhood..I realise i dread this current situation so much but i have no choice to continue living in this miserable siutation...

Life after work dreads me, the thought of fetching my son from childcare centre, son will have dinner while i start the daily routine again..

Unpacked school bag, throw dirty laundry into washing machine while son having dinner..wash milk bottle, wash water bottle..Pack school bag for next day class..

Bath son, changed him, then it's almost 8pm..Hardly can enjoy an hr tv, its time to make milk and wash milk bottle again..Make sure he go toliet before bed..

Time is already 10pm..Hardly have any personal time to do things i want..In between intervals, there are also pestering from son to play with him or write/read books etc..

I am so sick of my life..Hubby hardly home to help out..Everyday the chores above seem like a after work part-time job except no pay is given..

though i dun need to do hsework or cook dinner as MIL is doing them, but i am feeling so miserable about doing all this..so bad so that i dread to go home after work..

I miss those singlehood days where i plan my own time to do things i want, to sleep,bath n eat whenever i want, now with a kid..no matter how tired i am, i can't even sleep a while after reaching home..The feeling is so torture to me..

I have tried to go out n relax myself, pamper myself with massage etc..but the minute i tink of facing my son and doing all this makes me dread going home so much..

But at times when he is out with MIL/hubby, the whole hse is so quiet n i start to miss him..when he is back..the phobia feeling is back..

I am feeling so confused with myself at times what exactly i want or need..

Employing a maid is out of the question..

Can anyone advise me how to enjoy motherhood more? I also dun get the affectionate feeling i want from my hubby..

Everything just add up and bottoms up within myself..

 

[xiaos]

Hi Jose,

i feel the same way u.. i din wan to have a baby and i was those who dun like kids and never deal with kids or babies all my life.. but well, accidents happen ..My boy is now 3.5 months...

i miss those carefree days leh.. i used to wake up the latest.. sleep early... can buy and do watever i want.. plus i have to give up some of my hobbies..=[. now is the reverse..wake up earliest, sleep the latest.. have to prepare milk pack this and that.. come home is all about baby and everyday's schedule seems to be so packed.. we are like working 24 by 7 without pay!!!

u mention ur MIL is helping u out right? u can take a little nap while she takes over.. i am sure she will understand and be glad to! Or u can ask ur hubby to help out more so that u can have time to yourself.. u know little things like put mask for that hour and surf net while ur hubby deals with the child. at least u will feel a bit more pampered. When u are out for massage or a meal just relax and enjoy to the fullest.. of course u will def miss ur child but that's the time u can put him at the back of ur mind for a little while.. dun feel guilty cos we mothers need to rest and recuperate for the long journey ahead!!!

sometimes u can take leave and go out to enjoy urself too! secretly lah.. so u can recharge better! dun burn urself out too much ya and u will enjoy motherhood more.

but sometimes when i play with baby it makes u happy cos they are so cute! i keep telling my hubby i am so tired.. with all those reasons like mothers need rest else they get depression etc.. iso he makes it a point to help me whenever he can.. come home early and let me catch a wink if i complain I am tired or gg to fall sick.. hahhaaa...

 

[jose]

Thank you Tasha..

I did feel better after typing out this bottom-up story in my heart...

All your method mentioned, i did try..in fact i got 2 days wkend off when i left my son at grandparents place but wkday life still feel so restricted to me...

I understand kids are cute..only when they laugh..but when they cry..it's like a ignition of the car..as though its on me..i will go mad hearing the crying, hate this terrible feeling.....so bad so that sometime outside when i hear other kids cry..it didn't even bother me or feel irritaed..as i know i need not handle the situation..but as for my kid..i will go crazy with his crying...

I appreciate your sharing with me..but may be i m looking for long term solution rather than short one...hubby come back early today to let me catch a wink or go out etc..i still did not regain my freedom of doing the things i like as and when i wish..

Having kids to me is like a 21 years commitment..so scared to commit a second child and the great responsibility...though i see my son so lonely at times with no sibling to play with him like other kids...I feel i owe him but may b i m a selfish mummy that think of myself first...coz i feel i suffer a lot..haha!

Like u say..we are the earliest to wake up, the latest to sleep...everything on kid decision from education to teaching well-being..everything seem to fall on me..mummy is always the first one to make sacrifics for kids..haiz...

In short..i m looking forward to another 17 years before my total freedom is regain..

I thank you again for sharing your story with me too...

 

[maesiew]

Those magazines showing mother and baby smiling, having fun, family outing with parents at the zoo, having 1st birthday celebrations, kids helping out with baking, teaching them ABCs.... All are false illusions!

And then especially those toy packagings that shows the baby enjoying the toy is also fake!! They don't like to play with it in real life and mom is always the best entertainer!!!!!!

The best thing about motherhood is being pregant - with the FIRST child!

I guess we are just not satisfied ba. When no children, find it bored as everyday can go movies, shopping with girlfriends, sleep in on off days, then felt no life like something missing in the family. Then when have a baby, we'd rather rot and die alone! However, when we don't see them for a day we miss them like mad.

 

[kittyminky]

Katie's mom, you are right! All those "happy" images are really false illusions! And the toy images too hehe!

Jose,

Have you been feeling this way since your baby was born? Or only recently?

 

[babelee]

I felt like crying when I saw this thread, because I have been feeling exactly Jose and Tasha since the day I delivered my baby 4 months ago.

Hubby and I were enjoying the high life as DINKS, and then baby came very unexpectedly. Our life now revolves around baby and I really resent it. I too am not the kind who coos and ahhs over babies. Til now when I see or hear babies cry or make lots of noise outside I will feel like smacking them. After having my own baby my feelings towards kids still have not changed.

Now I am a full time SAHM. I face the baby 24/7 with zero personal time, let alone a social life. I told hubby our baby will be an only child as I could not bear the thought of going through another pregnancy, the endless feedings, washings...

Sometimes I envy those women who loves children or have strong maternal instincts. I wonder if there is something wrong with me.

 

[kittyminky]

babelee,

Take heart, there are other mothers out there who feel exactly like you do.

I'm one of them. My girl is 8mths old and it is only very recently that I started to have more positive feelings towards her.

When she was smaller, I really resented being a SAHM. Sometimes, I even regretted having a baby.

Even though things are better now, there are days when I really wish I had my old life back. But that will never happen.

Being a mother involves an entire lifestyle change. I keep telling myself that since it is impossible for life to be as before, I have to be positive about this.

 

[babelee]

highheels,

It's consoling to know there are other mummies out there feeling the same, going through the same emotions and situation. I still have not come to terms with the fact that we can't go back to our old lives again.

Glad that you are able to be positive about things now. I hope I will be able to 'see open' and develop a happy and positive attitude towards my new life.

 

[maesiew]

It's really tough looking at baby 24/7. The only ME time is when we are in the toilet and that has to be a swift one too!

I used to take care of everything myself but now I let my mom handle it. Cuz at mom's place there's company other than seeing me and hubby only. I let her stay at mom's place so at night I can have a peaceful sleep and waking up refreshed!

It' been a few months now and I appreciated my time more with baby.

I would suggest tat if facing the baby too much is not making you love him more, go back to work and get mom, MIL, nanny, infant care to look after the baby.

 

[jose]

I am so glad to see replies that i am not the only mother feeling the above..Before this, i always wonder mother on the street look so happy and jovial with their kids..so much patience and bringing them out to shopping and i seldom bring my son around unless necessary..

I start to think if i am the only mother feeling this, wondering if things are normal..y am i doing this and that..thinking of this and that..I start to question myself and losing more confidence of myself...

After reading other mummies feelings, i actually felt much better and relived..thank you..

I hope to read more up more about other mummies feeling..do share with me..what really makes one feeling better?

Kids at times are so cute but a terror in the next minutes..All this up n downs..increase anxiety and adrenaline in me..haha!

May things be better as days goes ahead...Jia you! all mummies!!

 

[maesiew]

I think it's all "I see u good, you see me good" kind of situation! We always see other kids as more obedient than ours... Maybe we had not spent time with them yet. Haha!

Mine is very sticky to me, won't let anyone even daddy to carry when we go out so most of the time i am lugging her. I see other bb not this anti-social as mine!

However, if i am not around, she is not that demanding. So I will throw her to my parents so that they can bring her out n i can have a breather!

 

[flos]

Jose:

You mentioned u r working right? Is it not relatively better than staying at home to do this on a full-time basis? If you've 6 days of childcare leave annually, you can consume them and go shopping and do your spa, instead of heading for the office, right?

Why doesn'y your hubby help you out at night? It's extremely tiring to take over from your MIL without your hubby's support. Maybe you can talk to your hubby and get him to be more involved? Or at least on weekends, you can ask him to lend you a helping hand?

 

[jose]

Hi Flos,

6 days is not enough..haha! we have 365 days a year leh..Ya..hubby usually out with friends or tired from work..

I have my Godma to help me out on wkends..That is really a big relief to me..i really appreciate her help all this while..

Are you also feeling e same as me too? U working?

 

[kokoon]

Hey..happen to see this thread and read happily..

Just want to share my condition ..hope this can make other feel grateful compare to my condition

I am FTWM with 2yr+ kid, since 2.5 months put at child care. noone helps me daily since hb always busy with job till over midnite..and he seems not interested in helping doing housecore oso.
Hired PT Maid 4hr during wiken.
So all task to take care of kid is mine..start getting up early and sleep quite late.
Very sian..coz most leave is taken for kid when he is sick, so no remaining for myself..
No MIL/parents since they are staying oversea

 

[animator]

I think motherhood is a process because our job never end.

My 14 mths old girl is staying in JB with my MIL and i only get to see her every weekend. Thanks GOD as she likes me and stick to me although I only spending time with her in the weekend. Sometimes I do envy mummies who can take care their kid themselves. It's true that I got lot of freedom to do anything with my MIL's help. But I feel something is missing in my motherhood..

 

[jose]

Hi Grace,

U can consider taking care of your gal in singapore..if financial permits..put in childcare..if you really love to bond with her..only then u will realise that kids take up lots of your time..haha!

U tend to miss her coz u only get to see her over wkend..just like i will feel the same if i m overseas for just 1-2 days..

 

[animator]

Hi Jose,
Occasionally my gal will stay in sg for a week, so I get to see her after work for that week. In fact, my MIL is a very nice & patient woman. At the time I got pregnant she was very eager to help up. I thought I shld be able to cope the separation .. I end up missing her so much and video call her every night.

I am so happy that she finally turn 1 yr old and will be here soon for Playgroup and nursery.. am targetting Learning Vision at Republic Poly

 

[honey_bunny]

Hi all,

I m a new mummy.. really new. my bb is only about 18 days old. when i was pregnant with him, i knew i'll lose alot of ME time. during that period, i was oreadi afraid of motherhood.

Now I have stepped into it, i felt terrible... especially when he cries. he needs alot of attention which i find it very draining. when i want to take a winky, he cries again. if not i will be busy feeding him.

there was once i smack his backside cos he just cries too much. i know he don't understand anything but how i wish he can just sleep once i finish the feed

 

[jose]

Hi Ahwee,

I hope there is someone who help u during your confinement period..this is very important that u have enough rest and will not sunk into depression..

Do not feel bad if your in-laws are helping you to take care of the baby etc..Do let others help u whenever they can during this period so that you can rest well enough to take care of the baby in future..

I have been through wat u did..wish he could sleep immediately after u change him, feed him..at least let u take a breather etc..

Do share your thoughts n feeling with your husband..voice out whatever u can...dun keep things to yourself..or depression will just sunk in without you realising it...

I wish you all the best and hope things will get better soon..rem rest well n take good care during confinement period..this is extremely important...

 

[jiayi]

Ahwee: your bb may feel pain when u smack his backside, and he's too young to understand why u smacked him. Do you have anyone helping u w ur confinement? It will be good to hv 2 persons, excluding urself, to help so that u can hv ample rest. Beginning is like this, bb will cry a lot and want to feed a lot. Don't fall into depression. Talk to ur Hubby n get help w ur bb.

 

[jbaby]

Think we are going thru the same process, work, home take care of kids. No personal time, not to mention shopping. If let mil take care of kids for too long, also guilty. Positively thinking, kids stick to us now, when they are bigger, they don even want to follow you around, they will have their own life. So, enjoy the time when they just tag whenever you go. My kids are 7 and 3 yrs old now.. long way to go..

 

[xiaos]

Hi Jose, Babelee

yeah.. know wat u mean exactly! =p its like a nightmare with #1 already. not to mention #2. i am sooo scared of getting pregnant again and i will not want tat anymore. my frens keep telling me that soon i will see that my boy is playing alone and then i will feel that he needs a little bro/sis to play with. gosh... its already soo busy now with the sleepless nights.. i cant imagine gg thru ANOTHER cycle of nonsense!

so i will try to be positive and channel my focus on just one!

we even have to deal with MIL etc... i just dunno how much i can last longer... and 6 days child care leave is just sooo little!! boohoo!!!

i think gov should be more benefits to be MUMMY!!

Ahwee
dun smack the baby pls dearie... cos they are too young to understand. plus it will make them cry even more cos they are already uncomfortable.. go out to the room, take in a few deep breathes.. calm down then attend to the baby again.. i hope it will help a little.. at least that's wat i try to do =] jia you!

 

[xiaos]

Jose,

just to share...

as i think about wat u mention.. another 17 years to total freedom.. i think as the child grows up he will want frens of his/her own.. go out and not be so sticky with us anymore.. by the time we might even feel weird. haha.. i dunno cos i haven reach that stage..

but still we will be full of worries and thinking the best for our thekids education etc.. its an endless journey i would say..

even tho after 21 years old, there are still other worries and changes to be faced.. just that we will def have more time for ourselves... then again, i might be old and the need for so much freedom is not impt anymore...

wat is ur take?

 

[sci10270]

WTF is wrong with some woman nowadays?

Pardon my tone but I find it freaking annoying that you all are whining about losing your so-called freedom when you are the ones who wanted to have the baby.

My wife probably felt the same way when she left me and our son. Freedom to go out and enjoy herself. Right, I term that as irresponsibility.

Those magazines showing mother and baby smiling, having fun, family outing with parents at the zoo, having 1st birthday celebrations, kids helping out with baking, teaching them ABCs.... All are false illusions!

Fake illusions? Get a life. What makes you think those are false?

To those who are not ready for this milestone, please do whatever is needed and for god sake, DUN BE A IRRESPONSIBLE MOTHER.

 

[xiaos]

How about guys who sit around and watch tv. let the wife do lots stuff.. is that call responsible? there are aso guys who go out late at night or rather stay at work then come home to look after the baby and hear their cries..

stepping into motherhood is overwhelming...coupled with physical exhaustion. do u men really think that that woman should not whine at all? cmon, from the 9 monthsthe baby grows inside us, suck all our nutrients, upsetting our hormones, all the physical and emotional changes... do u think its easy? after delivery, not only do we have to recuperate our body after some stupid stitches, loss of god i wonder how much blood , yet we have to bf baby, work and handle so many stuff!! do u really think that that stupid 1 month confinement is sufficient! u are wrong! woman body needs at least a year to recuperate.. and best is not to work at all.. but how many woman has this luxury nowadays? some men will say, woman are born to do all these.. and woman are suppose to do these? pls.. do u men really understand wat we are going thru? i think if some guys bleed for a week... they will be complaining that they wanna die already...

are u husbands out there really are as worried as us? from wat kind of food to eat, wat brand, wat is the nutritional value etc? do u all need to handle such details?

maybe last time managing kids was easy and all.. not so stressful. and now society as shaped our lives differently...

"when you are the ones who wanted to have the baby" - says who? a lot of times guys wants the baby too! and woman are just the child bearing machine, feeding machine, super nanny, maid etc.. i believe there are tons of mummies out there who knows wat i am trying to say.

everybody whines and complains.. so this is an avenue where mummies share our tots and of course try to encourage each other during this difficult phase positively.. if u really understand woman.. all we wan is someone to listen to.. sometimes solve our problems when we need..

"Get a life?" wat kind of comment is that in this thread? I am not trying to be rude here cant u put it across positively? there are times when mummies are down.. so if u think its true.. can u pls paint a nice picture for us?

i am sorry ur wife left.. i guess from ur tone u are upset.. then again, pls hang on and be happy with ur son. Stay strong and i wish u all the best!

 

[jj_ttc]

Might be post natal depression.
But pls do cherish yr little bb's its really a miracle to be blessed with a child.

For myself, having a hard time conceiving so having a bb will be a blessing. Be grateful for your little one's.

 

[sci10270]

@Kitty: Appreciate the comments. Let's not pull other factors into the debate for now. Who knows, the husband has been very supportive but yet, the wife just felt that it's not enough.

I agree that most of the time, only moms pay attention to those small lil things like what kinda food, nutritional values, etc. Well we all grew up without these "details".

I apologise for the wrong use of word. I meant "when you are the ones who agreed to have the baby". It's a agreement between the 2 parents. But how come moms nowadays are crying over it?

My wife had the luxury of staying at home to look after our son, going thru all the growing up stages. No need for household chores, got maid. No need to work, just take care of son.

Eventually? She got bored. Started late night clubbing sessions and finally left. Nvm these.

What I meant was, why are there more n more such complaints about the changed lifestyle after having a offspring? One got to learn how to manage expectations and changes.

I know this forum is an avenue for mothers to share their experiences, be it joy or pain.

Why do people here agree that all the happy portraits painted in magazines & media are FALSE ILLUSIONS? I dun get it.

Once again I apologise for my tone and thanks for the well wishes.

 

[jiayi]

Despair_guy: I emphathise with your situation, but hope u understand not every woman in this forum is like your ex-wife who gets to stay at home, with a maid etc. There are many mothers here who still need to help bring the bread to the table, not to add on that they may have unhelpful husbands. Most mummies will want to stay home n watch their baby's firsts. Although I personally may not agree with all the mummies' comments in this thread, it's not fair for us to judge. Each family has their own difficulties. Given your experience, I can understand how u felt. I am not sure about your case per se. It's takes both parties to maintain a marriage. Of course, there are always cases where it's purely one party's fault that the marriage ends. Anyway, hope u r enjoying ur life w ur child. Treasure every moment w ur child.

 

[honey_bunny]

Actually my MIL is helping me during the confinement period. But I felt that she's "taking my bb away from me". I voiced out to my hubby abt this tot, he reckon that i misunderstood her intention. my hubby's stand is that my MIL merely wants me to rest and on the other hand i can learn things from her

 

[maesiew]

Despair_guy, you are quoting my words ar?

So sorry for your loss... Maybe something went wrong with u and wife at that time? She might have everything but don't have you, maybe? So got bored and went out to play.

At least you got your son, so cheer up! Just that both of u got no affinity to be together.

Now u are spending time with your son, u should get the meaning of false illusions from the mag that u will ALWAYS be smiling when playing with your child.

The actual scenerio is they just do to opposites. A 3 second smile in exchange for hours of entertaining a day from dawn is no fun. Teach them ABCs, read to them they run away, and there goes my pride, thinking, "OMG, do I sound that bad?!"

It's just a forum here for us to vent our anger and we just shoot and forgets about it and won't get caught! =p

 

[jiayi]

Ahwee: u worry too much! Let ur mil help. My mil helped me during my confinement. My bb cries a lot non stop at night, ne n mu Hubby being inexperience, young and shrt-tempered, we get fed up easily. I am also damn tired from my c-sect n bf bb. My mil was the one who workn help soothe my bb. To hv a harmonious relationship w ur mil, just let her do things her style. Afterall, she brgt ur husband up.

 

[jose]

Ahwee, you should feel blessed that your mother-in-law is willing to take up the chore and help you with your bb while u can rest well..

Please dun feel that she is taking your bb away..i may not understand this situation as well as u do..but after delivering, you could be feeling unemotional stable and mistook your your MIL goodwill intention..

Trust me, tink positively..voice out your thoughts and share views with your MIL to a compromise level..Next time u will learn to appreciate your MIL...her efforts...

There may be things that you dun like the style your MIL do to your baby such as pacifier or change a new towel for wipes etc..u can always tell or share your view y you would prefer to do tat..explain to them..they will understand..

I been thru this..an example is hanging the pacifier without cover on the yao-lan, then put inside the mouth whenever baby cries..the yaolan could have contain dust etc..which makes the baby more vulnerable to bacteria all that..so i explain to her my views..hope she understand..Every grandparents would want the best for her grandchild..despite old mind thinking etc..they will learn to accept and they can feel you are sincere and not targetting them...

We are feel gulity to let our in laws to take care of our kids..even just a little longer..sometimes its really no choice then i trouble them, else i would prefer to do it myself too..not that i enjoy doing it but i dun wanna be gulity to tire them out etc..Taking care of a baby is really tiring both mentally n physicially if you really want to do a super good job...

Hope u can be enlighten and have many happy days ahead sharing views with your MIL...

 

[jose]

Hi Kiity,

I certainly can't help to 100% agreed with you on your views - Kids sticking to us only a period of time..the deepest impression is

"even tho after 21 years old, there are still other worries and changes to be faced.. just that we will def have more time for ourselves... then again, i might be old and the need for so much freedom is not impt anymore..."

Yeah, probably by then, we have lesser commitment in life, no longer need to work and have more personal life to ourselves, hence the freedom we yearn for now is no longer impt..be it partying at friends place, late night clubbing or shopping, we longer may have the energy or feeling to do it..like wat we yearn to do now...

I certainly agree to your views that you reply to despair_guy..u seem to speak the "xin-sheng" of we women...

Despair_guy, i think u are a nice man to being able to provide your wife the luxury of a maid and do not need to work..i also wish that i could enjoy such luxury but i dun have such blessed life as your wife..

Probably if your wife have taken up a part-time job and lead a fulfilling life instead of partying away..may b life would not be the same now..Having a job creates responsibility indirectly for yourself and family and to the company too..

She wont feel bored looking after the son, it seem like her world only evolves around the kid, at least with work, she have friends, colleagues..a balanced life, a meaningful one too..

I been thru the 4 mths maternity without work and life seem to be only baby baby and baby...this 4 mths seem to be out of contact and stranger to the world..i seem to know nothing and friends even tell me off - is baby the only thing u can talk about..then i realise how bored and how much i have change..life is back to the same when i return to the working life again..

I also wish you all the best..being so nice to your wife..it ur wife loss to leave u..
I wish your wife be sensible to realise her loss of such a good hubby to provide her e freedom of whether to work or not..u have also provide her a maid so that she can lead a better life and do not need to do housework..Not many ppl have such luxury...I do envy her..

I hope things be better for you..treasure each day with you son..be it a smiling or sad day..lead everyday a fulfiling one..your son will be grateful to you for providing him n doing so much for him when he grows up...

All the best...=)

 

[xiaos]

Despair Guy

i agree with Jose that u are nice to provide ur wife such a luxury and entitlement which many mummies do not have. She is indeed very blessed.

Like u say, one needs to manage expectation and changes and its takes the couple to endure and manage these changes together hand in hand. Most of the time, a lot of couples fail to communicate effectively. Men dun listen and women just dun talk.. that starts the chain of breakdown points.. i believe men used to think how come woman just dun tell me but bottle up then one day just blow up? that's just the innate structure of man and woman... both need to change and try to understand this "2 very different species". its a tough journey but lets all put our heads tog and sail through this positively.. i think one impt thing here i would like to share it always rem the good things about ur partner as time goes by and not to harp on wat he/she did not do. We all sometimes forget why we got married in the first place. Of course, not all are smooth sailing, but we all try our best for love and for our kids. =]

Pls be happy fpr ur son.. i am sure he is a bundle of joy for u all the time. dun let the past incident affect u but move on with the good things that will come to ur life soon.. i am sure.

Jose
haha.. ya about the "xin sheng".. i feel that its good to let man know the details and how we feel so that they will also understand us. Its really great to air my views and i feel more relaxed sharing my 2 cents worth here. Its great to hear from so many mummies too! =]

ahwee

i know that feeling.. initially i aso feel that my MIL was taking my baby away from me.. but its great to have ur MIL to help u and u can actually rest and recuperate. somtimes its just the tone and words that is being put across that create misunderstanding.. well, older folks tend to have a different wavelength as us.. once u know her "pattern". it should be easier to deal with her =] we are all tired and overwhelmed after delivery... so get all the help u can have.. u will do just great!

 

[sci10270]

I do smile alot and enjoy myself when I spend time with my son =)

I believe that most parents would feel that spending precious time with their child is ENJOYABLE. Never mind that their child might be running away or throwing tantrums. It's all part of parenthood. It's rare to find a child who would quietly sit down and listen to all our instructions.

Well a forum, IMO, is for people to share their views & opinions. Not to shoot & forget. lol

About the views of MIL "taking" away the baby, it seemed that most "new" mothers would feel anxious when their MIL offer to help take care of their baby. But after time, most would feel glad for the help & assistance rendered.

Communication is the key I agree!

 

[maesiew]

I guess I've spent too much time with my kid until she's so so sticky to me. Was a SAHM since pregancy as I was so freaking tired whole day. Should had visited tcm then!

Whenever I'm around she's super cranky, only wants me to follow her around the house! So stressful when I just walk away awhile to the toilet, grab things, do some hsework she cries!

However, when I'm not around she can entertain herself!!!!!! What's e meaning?! Characters clash huh?!

At home hubby never help with chores after work comes back left with half life, watch tv, login FB play games. Told me, "what to do? She don't want to play with me."

so I'm putting her in childcare n mom to look after her I will just be a weekend mom!

Found alot married couples in this forum that they are not that loving after baby arrives. The father always kana scolding cuz it's obvious to us moms that MEN JUST DON'T GET IT!!!

 

[attigal]

I hope the thread starter can exercise more sensitivity in naming this thread. Please be aware while you are here complaining about the trials of motherhood, there are also many women out there who wants badly the opportunity to be a mum. Ladies who had multiple IVF failures, miscarriages or stillbirth. These women will give anything to be in your shoes to have a healthy child.

Kindly take their feelings into consideration.

Motherhood is a noble undertaking. No one ever said it was easy.

 

[shiseru]

I concur with your comments, attigal and thanks.

We are from the stillbirth and miscarriage thread. Yes, you are right, we will sacrifice anything just to have a healthy baby to carry home. We will be more than happy to take up the responsibility and will accept with pride and be proud mothers.

I hope God will bless those who are ready to undertake motherhood with healthy children, we will sacrifice all our comforts and will work ceaselessly in the home without expecting any monetary reward, only to take care of our children.

 

[xiaochuan]

Dear all

If i may add on, everything is about striking a balance.

When u think taking care of the child is taking a toll, then have hubby take over or get paid help eg: put the child for few hours at day care centre. Mummy can then take a breather.

I am a FTWM. I rush home each day to fetch my boy after work. At home, i need to make sure he dress for bed, brush teeth.. drink milk etc.. by the time he sleeps at abt 9pm, i shower, eat something and do housework. Most of the time, i would also need to continue with my office work till late. No idea what's on TV either. Next morning still got to wake up early to prepare him for school. Yes, there are times when i felt very very tired...

As i watch my boy grow up and watch him achieve his every FIRSTs, i feel that it's all worth it. I never regretted or feel bad about losing "freedom". Think of it as a change in lifestyle.... having a child juz means a more disciplined and structured lifestyle.... and with proper time management, one can include some personal hobby or meet up with frens occasionally as well. It's good to have proper time management rite?

I learn a lot in my motherhood journey, and am still learning new things from my child each day. When one is positive, everything looks rosier. I hope u ladies will embrace motherhood with a more positive attitude.

Perhaps, when u so feel fed up/ sick of your daily routine, have a read over the Stillbirth/ Miscarriage/ Parenting Special needs children threads. There are many mummies out there working/ trying to cope with a zillion tonne more stress n tasks... all for the love of their children.

 

[small_one]

I came across this thread and though I did not finish all the post in the thread, this is my personal view of motherhood and of marriage.

Imagine you are brewing a pot of herbal soup. There are several factors that can affect the way the soup turns out:
- amount of ingredients
- quality of ingredients
- the type of heat (high-heat, medium-heat or low heat)
- the time spent on the stove, etc

The pot of soup represents our journey in marriage and in motherhood. If we brew it for too long, the soup will be burnt and there may be nothing left. Too little time spent on the stove, the flavours would not come out.

We have the ability to choose how this pot of soup would turn out.

We can do it with love, though it calls us to make a lot of sacrifices for our children and our spouse. But they can see the sacrifices and feel the love in the things we do.

We can gripe, whine and complain, but what would the consequences be? Children who would be more defiant? Spouses who would always quarrel with us?

Negative words can ruin relationships. And sometimes we may not put our feelings into words, but they do translate into the way we treat our spouse and children. Are we constantly shouting at them?

I celebrate every firsts that my 21 month old girl achieves. It's her journey, but how I choose to walk with her affects her personal outlook on who she is and how she would live on for the rest of her life.

I am preganant with my #2. And though I am a SAHM with a maid, I enjoy the process of being able to spend quality time with my older girl and my unborn #2.

My husband flies frequently for his job and he is away from home almost 3/4 of the year. Though he is not with me all the time, I know he is working hard to bring home the bacon.

He may not help with our girl when he is back, but I create opportunities for him like asking him to bring #1 to the nearby playground to play together, watch her favourite Disney cartoon together, or just simple story-telling or indoor play with her.

My girl sticks to me as well. Of course, now with a maid, she is also close to the maid. But if our relationship with our children is not close, how can we teach instill discipline or teach them the right way of living?

Relish in the relationship you have with your spouse and your children. Enjoy the children's innocence, cries and whines. When they grow older and move out to have their own family, you may not even see them as often anymore.

All the best!

 

[jose]

I do not consider myself NOT exercising any sensitivity in naming this thread or start this thread..

At the point of time when i start this thread, i am feeling so yucky about the feeling inside me,that had been bottled up for so long, just can't get over myself why am i feeling this way? I just wrote my true feelings with the intention if other mothers is feeling the same as me, in fact, i do wonder at times, am i a cruel and heartless mother who keep feeling negative thoughts about my son, keep thinking he is a burden who robbed away my freedom to do anything, any time i want..I only have the intention to know if other mothers are feeling the same as me, and what do they do to make themselves feel better or tackle the issue. After reading so many thread reply, i certainly feel much better, at least i dun feel tat i am such a weirdo to have such negative thoughts about myself n son all the time, this is normal for all working mothers, who faced them too..

Like Xiaochuan mention - she is so busy about her work, her son, her hsework etc, she have no idea what on TV...probably this is something that i cannot never do it..I m such a TV addict that i doubt i can achieve what xiaochuan is doing and scarific for her son..Least i know her existence and will try to convince myself tat if others can do tat, i should try to do it too..i may not be able to achieve what she had done but least i can try..

I am not targetting at anyone, neither am i not sparing any thought for those are trying hard to conceive, been thru multiple IVF failures, miscarriages or stillbirth and sacrifice anything just to have a healthy baby to carry home..I do empathise with them and feel that their courage to go thru the process is admirable.

I don't think i am posting my thread at wrong section - this is the matters of the heart, not stillbirth or miscarriages. Not sure in the first place, is there any segmentation for different subject under different thread. Yet i feel pinpoint by posting such a thread subject..

It's just a thread subject which best describle my feelings at the point of time when i start writting for this thread..

I take this chance to thank each and everyone who reads and share their views with me, that really helps in enlightening and all the positive views shared...

 

[fairyprincess]

Hi Jose,

As long as this is a public forum- anyone and everyone can write their views...so there will always be people who emphatize with you, and others who feel differently ya, no need to feel you have to justify yourself here...

 

[attigal]

If motherhood is such a trial, why not give your kid up for adoption? There, problem solved. No more troublesome son, no more clingy daughter, more time to do the things you want, more affection from your HBs.

Right?

Plenty of couples out there who can't wait to have your kind of problems. Don't deprive them of the opportunity to appreciate the children you don't.

 

[janey09]

hi attigally, I guess some ppl are more repsonsible than others. It's like having problems with the husband or wife. If it's like what u say so easy then just divorce la. But things are not so straight forward.

 

[jose]

I agree with Janey, if things can be so simple and straight forward, everyone would be so happy living on without fights, quarrels, or even wars..

Give up children for adoption doesnt mean that the child would be happy or the real parents. It is just a temporary solve to the current issue.

Here with this thread is like sharing views and trying to be strong and a listening ear..

I am sure God would bless those who really want to have kids, want to love and scarific for their kids, have their wishes granted soon, only then i believe their thinking would be on par with me..even just for few seconds..i think only mothers esp FTWM will feel or gone through what i have gone through, no matter how strong your love and patience you have..

 

[mamalyn]

hi, i believe there's frustrating period for every phase.. it will become worse during toddler period when they are undergg toilet training (like what i'm doing now, washing my blankets and bedsheet every other day).. Coming from a ftwm, i understand how tired it is after a day of hardwork and followed by picking up ur child from caretaker or cc and dinner, laundry, shower and lastly putting the kids to bed.

I too do not have the help from in-law or mum..
"Sacrifice" is how u see it.. eg. i cant catch a movie now but i'll be able to do it in a few years time..

Try looking at a brighter side, i broke down on serveral occasions (cries, lose my patience etc) and blame my child.. to think back, they are innocent.. you will feel guilty while watching ur child asleep like an angel.

Take it easy, everything is worth it in return with the goodnite kisses and huggs and 'i love you' from them

oh ya, occassionally you can take leave from work and relax for a spa/facial treatment, shopping, catch a movie etc before picking up the child.. it helps..

just my two cents.. take care!

 

[jose]

Hi Mamalyn,

I do experience the same as you, blame and scold the child for the mess etc, but when they are asleep, i will normally whisper and apologise to them that mummy didn't mean to do that...

I feel so silly at times but i really hope they can hear it and feel it. I know kids are innocent..but at times really can't help it..

Only can wish they will achieve independence and pick up more things as time goes..

 

[september]

Jose,

I am also a FTWM with a 20mth boy. At this age, he is beri active which also mean tiring for me. Like u, i was a TV program addict too...but i will steal time to watch lor...like on weekend when he is taking his nap....or even he wake up, i let him play around while i watch lor...

also, i hv 'lose' my freedom....i got no time for karaoke, movie, spa etc. but i will steal time to do it....for facial, spa or shopping, i will at times take leave to do while he is taken care by his nanny. for karaoke...no chance yet....hahaha...but planning to get my mum to take care of him then i go when he is older.

even wen i mit up wif my gf...if can, i will bring him along...or else, i will leave him wif hb and at times get my parent to help hb out.

yes, it is beri tiring and at times, i will be angry at him for being 'naughty' but then at times i will tell myself, he is juz being curious abt tings which we already noe but he dun thus we label those as naughty but the truth is he is curious.

but all this xi sheng, to me is worthwhile de.....esp when he smile at me or kiss me. ya, my boy is rather sweet at times....the latest sweetest ting he did when i teared while watching one of the episode of the life transformer (xin qing zong dong yuan) he actually gif me all his blocks which he is holding, then laid his head on my lap and later touch (wipe) my tears....

 

[jose]

Hi September,

Thank you for sharing with me..
Your little boy is so understanding, so sweet at this age..He had learned to share and give his ulmost love you..when you are down..

That moment must be really sweet and memorable!

 

[joanne03]

Hi Jose and gals,

Am very upset after reading your post actually. May I asks are you very young to have your current baby?
Motherhood is a wonderful experience at least to me. I have a boy currently 7yrs old, though he is a boy now but he always bring colour, happiness to my world. I really can't imagine my life without him. Do you gals ever imagine that how quiet your home will be like without a kid? How bored it will be to face just your hubby everyday? Yes, I do agree that the day your baby is born, you will have to sacrifice alot of your freedom and time. But when you see him grow up everyday, when he smiling at you, when he use his sweetest voice to call you mummy. Don't you feel that all the sacrifice is worthwhile?
For me, ever since my boy is born, I look forward to go home everyday. I miss him so much when don't see him. Though I am tired after a days work, but when I see him, my tiredness all gone. Infact seeing him smile, cute face really makes me more relax from a day of tired work.
When he is around 5 yrs old, he starts to go to school, so he is under my mum care who is staying quite far from where i stay. Hence, I become a weekend parent. I cry every Sunday for at least few months initially after I brought him to my mum place. As I miss him so much when back at home. Yes, I do have more time and freedom but I rather I don't want all these but want my son to be with me everyday. So I start to pester my hubby to move house, to move nearer to my parent place so that we can bring him home everyday. Due to where my mum stay is town area, is really not easy and cheap for us to get a place there. My hubby don't want since he feels that the house at town area is too expensive. I cry on and off when I tell and complain to my hubby on how much i wish to be with him, to see him grow up, to be there for him when he wants to share his day to me but I can't. So when he finally agree to buy a house nearby my mum place, I immediately start looking at newspaper but is really not easy for us since we took 2 yrs and still can't find a flat that suits us with the pricing and yet not so old. Now my son is in primary school, I yearn to bring him to school every morning since he is in the morning session. I dont mind to wake up at six plus to prepare his breakfast even though I can wake up at 7:30... but I can't do all this since I am staying too far. I am feeling upset again.. but god finally pity me... I manage to find a house with reasonable rates last week. It is abit old though, a 22yrs old house but I don't care now. Most important is my son can be with me everyday. That's what I have always been looking forward to. Finally I can be there for my son DAILY... I am so happy these few days, can't wait to move house..

Now I am hoping for another long awaited things to happen. That is another baby... Have been trying to conceive for the past 5yrs but heaven is making a sport on me. I loves baby/kids alot and able to conceive my boy naturally so not sure why that I can't conceive till today.. few years ago, had already see a gynea and was prescribe clomid. Take for at least nine months but still no news, have been trying out at least 4 top gynea (SF Loh, LC Cheng, Peter Chew, etc),trying out top TCM (Eu Yan Sang Dr Xia etc) can you imagine how much $$ I spend for the past few years.. at least more than 20k... and still no news... so last year, I finally try SO-IUI, needle injection no problem for me as long as I can have a baby again, all these pain is nothing to me... I don't mind all the sacrifice on myself, people take leaves to rest to relax...but most of my leaves are safe to see gynea or TCM... Am so happy when I finally conceive beginning of last year thru SO-IUI... but the happiness is short, I have a natural Miscarriage at week six. I hate chicken essence but hoping to have a healthy preganncy... things that are so bitter or disgusting, i don't mind to pour down my throat as long as I know is good for my body. As I want a healthy baby and pregnancy.. So after rest half year, I try SO-IUI again and very happy that I conceive last year July thru that. But every scan I go, my heart almost stop for that few minutes due to my sad experience earlier..I am so happy that at least I can see heartbeat that time.. but Again, heaven is making a sport on me, my bb stop growing at week 7. This time, i have to do a D&C operation since there is baby detected. I cry alot and feeling so upset that period of time. So this time, I went to tiao by TCM since I feel that it must be my weak body that result in two times miscarriage.. After three months of TCM, my TCM doctor finally gives me green light to try this month and I am fully prepared to try my best and hope that I can conceive naturally. But I have no patient.. if I fail again for another two months (touchwood), I will go for SO-IUI again. During these few years of treatment, I have gain alot of weight (at least 10kg), sacrifice alot of $$ and freedom since I don't have much saving after seeing gynea, do you think I still can travel overseas? Still can have luxury things on myself? I spend my $$ all on my son, which I will not feel heartpain at all. But if on me, I will... so I stop buying any branded things. A wallet can use for at least few years until tear and still using it now. No saving for past few years too except CPF contribution...but I never regret what I did.

Gals, Do you think I deserve all these? After so many years until today, I can tell you loudly that I never regret spending so much time and effort trying to conceive. And yes, if time going to rewind, I will still do all these again. Reason being that I miss those times having a baby to hug, wake up in the middle of night to feed him, seeing their adorable smile...everytime when my hubby play with my son, I am very touch and always drop a tear by looking at the happy picture infront of me... I really miss those days when my son is still a baby too and am glad that god gives me a chance to have my boy , to have someone calling you mummy is something so miracle and sweet.The sweetest word i look forward to hear everyday is not i love you fr my hubby but is "Mummy" fr my lovely son!! I will never give up trying as long as I am still less than 40yrs old. Gals, do you think my sacrifice is less than you? But I will never say that motherhood sulks, this is an insult to me and to all gals who are trying to conceive out there and no results still. There are so many people wants to be mummy but have no chance, I feel upset for them...and I tresure my time with my son so much, I never regret what I have did for my son or for my future baby (will I have?) as I feel, our mummy gives us love and we should pass down her loves to our children.
No offence to what I wrote but writing such a long post is to tell you gals that please please please tressure what you have. Don't ever take things for granted and be a responsible mother since you already give birth to your baby. Trust me, all the sacrifice is worthwhile when you see him grow up day by day... Cheers...