MOTHER-IN-LAW PROBLEMS

Hi all,

Well, as you know. A nanny aka baby sitter most of the time will not be only taking care of your child alone. The one my friend went to was taking care of 2 other toddlers too. Both boys.

My friend did stayed a day with her to see judge her ability of taking care of her 3 month old baby. And she's quite impressed by the way she kept everything in orderly manner. But, never in her wildest imagination, that was just a front the nanny put on to convince my friend.

One month after she placed her boy at the nanny's place, she felt that her son is losing weight. But the nanny just pacify her that the boy is at the third month passing phase where the baby rejects milk constantly. And my friend also witness and experienced that herself, she believed her. During 4th month, my friend brought her baby for hair shaving, only to find bruises at 2 parts of the head. She confronted the nanny and the nanny apologized to my friend that she had accidently bumped the head when she tried to reach the milk bottle she placed on the table.

Though very uncertain of continuing with the nanny, my friend was very tied up with choice as her mother is working and she had no MIL. Thus, she could only bear with it for a moment and tried looking for another. If possible, somewhere near too as her then nanny was only living 2 floors above.

But things got too late. when the Baby was almost 5 months old, my friend received an urgent call from the nanny that the Baby is foaming at the mouth and the eyes are rolled up. My friend rushed all the way over but by then the Baby had turned blue. Ambulance arrived soon later as my friend called for ambulance on the way there but paramedics announced the Baby dead upon arrival.

It was only then, my friend found out that the Nanny was also taking another job up to sustain her family. Which is washing of clothes and ironing. Quite often, the kids were left to play on their own. Her son was mostly placed on the Nanny's bed to sleep and that was when, the toddlers pulled the sleeping Baby and let the Baby fell to the floor. To the toddlers, it was considered a game.

What caused the death of the Baby is blood clots and severe brain damage. Due to more than 10 times of hard knocks to the brain. My friend was devastated but it was too late by then.

Thus, no matter what, I just couldn't find faith in Nannies anymore. I know that I'm being unfair in this sense but then, it's better be safe than sorry.

There's a long waiting list for infant care. In my assessible areas. So, right now, I have no choice but to bear with what my MIL is doing.... I don't know when will I really snap.
 


OMG, that's terrible! Any negligent action taken against the nanny? Ur friend should have brought her bb to PD for check up if she noticed something wrong with the bb already what. I check my bb everyday. Why still continue?
 
Hi Mrs Teo

Sorry to hear about your friend's baby - it's so sad and unfortunate :-(

By the way, I just want to reassure you that your baby's weight gain probably has nothing to do with your mil overfeeding your baby. My baby drinks Similac Excellence at 3 hour intervals 180 mls and she is light as a feather! Some babies put on weight more than others regardless of their diet. It's okay to feed based on timing for formula milk - breast milk is usually fed on demand because the caloric content tends to vary throughout the day.
 
Hi mm2,

Thanks for reassuring me that. My pediatrician had informed me to cut down on the feed as for a 4 months old Baby, 150ml per 3 hours is too much and my Baby is gaining weight too fast. That's why I tried reasoning with my MIL with this reason. Haiz... they still believe in 'I used to do that what. My babies all no problem mah'.

Honestly saying, I have brothers and sisters who are of the same age as my Brother in laws. But my BILs are all diagnosed with high blood pressure whereas my siblings are all very healthy. Why is that so? It also lies in the part on how the parents feed right? This is exactly why I'm so very worried! A healthy diet starts from young.

Hi Counter MIL,

The reason she had to go on is that she couldn't find another nanny who's very near to her home. Both she and her hubby don't drive and to travel some distance to drop the baby to a nanny who live elsewhere will be a bit of a problem.

Her hubby initially wanted to take legal action against the nanny for negligence. But the nanny's family member and the nanny actually kneeled in front of my friend and her hubby to begged for forgiveness. He is also quite soft hearted but he did inform the rest of the kids' parents of the negligence act by the nanny. All the kids withdrew and the nanny's reputation plummeted. What I know now is, she is no longer working as a nanny and while washing clothes in the night, she's working in Mcdonalds. She does look haggard. Guilt ridden I supposed.

I guess my friend is very very new to taking care of Babies and with traditional advice from her mum, she only messaged the baby's head for those swelling to go down. Even my friend's mum was so ridden with guilt and she did not dare approach my friend for a long long time.
 
Hello ladies
I am new here - Yah - wanna post some MIL issues i got as well.

I gave brith to a baby gal in May - will be going back work in 2 weeks time.
Hubby is eldest son of 3 males in his family while i am the only child - well, same with Mrs Teo, i moved in with PIL after marriage while waiting for my flat. The second day after my wedding, MIL came telling me i must wash my hubby;s clothes and mine separately - MIL SHOULD NOT help DIL to wash cos "not nice" when people see. Well no choice (but most of my friends' MIL help them wash and iron)We took the smallest room cos we will be moving out withing a year......but when MIL vacuum or mop the floor, she will skip my room.......it is such a small room, with the bed, only less than ten tile to mop......imagine i=me carrying a pail and a mop to just clean 2 mins for those ten tiles??
Soon, i got pregnant. Anyway forgot to mention that MIL is suer stingy and scrimp and save on food. Rarely see Fish on the dinner table and mostly cucumbers and veges and cheap food. When she learnt that i got pregnant, she told me, no special food cos when she was pregnant last time, she ate overnight food for 3 days most of the time......that means no good food lah. So after a hard days work, usually i have no appetite to take her food - so someti8mes take bread etc.......this caused my baby to be very very small - only 2.5kg at birth(thankfully 2-3 times per week i went to my mum's place for good food and bird nest)
Now the real problem came...(already shifted to my new house now)...MIL said confinement should be done by my mum cos she knows what food i take - thank god- i had planned to leave baby to my mum to take care after i go back work - BUT MIL wants to take care also, saying she is paternally grandma - "bigger" . just on the 3rd day when i return home from hospital, she insisted we use the cloth diaper for the baby - so that can save money. I told her nevermind just use papmers as we buy liao - she ignore and just striped my baby off her pampers and put on the diapers. Told MIL very troublesome to wash - MILsaid "Tell your Mum to wash lah!" Mind you my mum hear that......she didn't argue back on the spot but told me that my MIL took her for a maid is it!such comments and actions continue and think both mothers 'against' each other liao. MIL kept visiting daily and carrying baby and PATTING her violently - told he my style is just put baby down and allow her to sleep independently.she stopped but face black black. and insisted my baby sleep sarong - say head will be round round nice nice - i refused.then tell me to lpace my newborn face down to sleep at night - wah piang......does she have any common sense??? Babies this yound dunno how to lift their heads - thus may cause SID........from confinemetn time till now - i have been crying every other day, after arguements with MIL and sometimes my hubby who will 'side with" his mum to prevent her from nagging! The thought of having a divorce also came........and now i rarely talk with my hubby and i pull a long face almost every day (i used to be very cheerful and smiling all the time) Conclusion now is MIL take care baby Mon and Wed while my mum Tue Thurs and friday. At least got my um to conpensate should MIL feed baby with cheap food etc since she is so stingy.

Sorry ladies so long winded - just wanna some place to vent my frustrations. Read if you have time, if not just ignore. i am just very "XIAN" now........
 
Hi Mrs Teo

Sad to hear the story of your friend baby, my mother was also a nanny but i feel that she treat other pple baby more careful than my cousin's baby as she always say pple hand their baby in her care means trust her so have to take care carefully.

If the baby fell down very hard (cos u know when they are learning walking they like to climb here and there so sometime sure miss and fell) my mum will get very worried and bring them to see doctor immediately but some parents don't understand that children like to explore and sure will fall one or two time mah, so they get very angry when they see big bun on their child, that's why my mum retired 1 year ago cos she say that very pressurised and stressful taking care other pple child as it require more attention and responsibility.
 
omigod, this is really tragic... hope your fren is feeling better. no words of comfort can be said to her or hubby that can make them feel better. Will pray for them so that they will be ok... i feel so sad and I count myself lucky that my mum is taking care of my little one.

hey Sing Yee,

My mum trained my maid to help me with my confinement. My confinment was done by my mother. As she was taking care of my niece and nephew, we cld only drop by my place in the morning. She wld come in the morning and bath the baby, prepare and instruct my maid how to cook lunch and dinner and she wld leave at abt 11am. She did this for 2 weeks and than my sister's maid did the other 2 weeks. My sister's maid was really good and she help to train my maid. Besides confinment food is really easy to cook and yummy. Lots of seseame oil and ginger. If you need some recipes, let me know and I can email them to you.

I never never allow my MIL to look after my baby. I don't trust her and she piss me off most of the time. I can only tell myself to "lun". This morning again piss me off. She knows that I have to sent megan to my mum's every morning even if it rains. As we were getting ready to leave, she said raining, u still want to send baby over? I replied her" even if raining i still have to send her cos' no one can look after her at home. we all have to work!" Damn irritating....
 
I feel that my MIL is an old witch, you all know what she done to my wedding day, she placed incense paper on the 4 corner of my wedding bed and put those burn for dead people coins in all my cupboard and drawer, the worst thing is on my wedding dinner she dress like a dance hostess (this what my relative and friends say about her)and laughing and drinking with her friend all the way like she is the one who get married, this never mind she even use our wedding photo without our permission and did'nt even discuss or consult us she print out into a discount voucher for her facial business and distrbuted out to the relatives and friends, i was told by my colleague and friends on the next day and they were so surprised that i didn't even know and how it look like, i will never forgive what she had done.

And now she is asking why i am not giving birth, so i told her financial not stable and she say FIL will pay for hospital bill and baby expenses and they just want me to give birth but i don't want history to repeat as i don't know what they will do to my baby (maybe i think too much). Haiz.. i also love baby but really very afraid leh.
 
Hi Mrs Teo,

So sad to read about what happen to your fren and the situation you are in. Having a baby is supposed to be something veyr joyous but some things can really ruin the situation.

Hi Chilipadi,
I am still looking for a CL now. Decided that I will have one but also thinking of getting a maid so that we have someone to look after the baby when i go back to work. I am thinking of using my last 4 weeks of maternity leave as half days so that i can spend longer time with baby and maid. Dunno whether my boss will agree but that's a plan at this moment. but will need someone to drop by once in a while to check on the maid. sometimes i regret moving too far from my parents but think i can only look forward and plan for my next place. what are the recipes you have? you can email me at [email protected]

how old is your baby?

Hi Daughter in laws,
ha..you make my hubby sound so nice i m sure he will be pleased. he is on the defensive side when it comes to his mum so i must be very careful in what i say and how i say it if it concerns his mum. still learning....

Hi Yukiko,
having a baby is a decision between you and your husband. what does your HB think abt the whole situation? with a baby, PIL will definitely come into our lives more so must make sure your HB is supportive and on your side or there will sure be a lot of conflicts. but still...it's not a reason not to have one. imagine what you will be missing out just cos of your PIL...
 
Hi Mandy,

First of all, all I write is just what I thought, no offence, o.k.?
happy.gif


About MIL not washing you and your hubby clothes and mopping the floor in your room, I personally dun think it's anything wrong. In fact, I prefer it this way. When we went back to visit PILs, I kept all my clothes in the room and washed them at one go before we left. My MIL has her washing habbit while I have mine, I am very particular in the cleaniness of everything, so I dun think I will let her do the cleaning even if she's willing to.

However, while I was pregnant, I did let her cleaned my clothes once coz my tummy was so big and I couln't squat down to wash the clothes myself.

As for the house cores (in PILs' place), I left it with hubby, because I never treat it as my house - I am just a "guest" there, and guest dun do house core!! Similar rule apply to hubby when he come to my parents house. Fair enough right? :p

Nevertheless, I totally agree that PILs should not "intrude" our life once we move out - This is MY family and not theirs, they should only take care of their own. I hate when MIL came to our house and started to interfere my place, like throwing foods from my fridge (she is a vegetarian so she always like to throw away the meat in my fridge, at my absence), move and relocate the furniture according to what she think is better, things like that. I tolerated that before because I dun want to confront with her, make hubby difficult only.

However, after my girl passed away and she said some insensitive words to me, I decided not to tolerate her anymore. So I made it clear to hubby that she is not welcome (though she seldom come), and I purposely rent out the vacant room to students so that she got no place to stay if she come (of course I din tell hubby this, I just told him that the students in my office cannot find a place and the previous owner wanted the house back, they are very "cham" like that).

Hubby knew that I am mad with his mother so he dare not to ask his mother come over, he also dun dare to ask me to visit his parents because I told him if my PILs say nonsense again, I will throw my temper, NO MORE TOLERATION!!

Give you girls one link (if you can read chinese), I use the same reasoning to "brain wash" and persuage my hubby to side me..
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http://web.wenxuecity.com/BBSView.php?SubID=marriage&MsgID=1475555

Sometimes in the DIL vs MIL matters, we need to use some "politics" to win our hubby support.. :p

regards.
 
Hi Ladies

I have been following this thread since it started and read almost everyones pains with their MIL. Many a times, I have been tempted to contribute my story and had always held back, always tell myself to learn to forgive and forget.

Alas, I have failed and heres my story, a long one.

I was pregnant with twins last year, everyone in the family was ecstatic. MIL immediately offered to quit her job as a midwife to help look after the babies and said she would be the best candidate with 4 decades of experience handling babies. During my pregnancy, she said she would go buy birds nest for me. Hubby & I dissuaded her as she does not have much experience in buying birds nest, worried that she may be conned. She then said she would pay while my mum could buy on her behalf (my family has the habit of taking birds nest rather regularly). Though I am not hard-up for the money, but the offer never materialized. Instead, she would always question me whether my mum prepared any birds nest for me as if we owed it to her. My babies are almost 8 months old now and MIL has never spent a single cent on the birds nest that she has promised.

PIL are staying with BIL & SIL, a stone throw from my parents place. We were ready for PIL to move in with us since MIL will be taking care of babies. She was very insistent that she was able to cope with babies without a maids help, also insisted that there was no need for a CL.

Babies came last Nov, they were early because one of the water bags burst prematurely. All along, MIL knew of our plans to do confinement at my moms house, said she was fine with the arrangement and would be at my moms house to help take care of the babies.

Although she was supposed to take care of all things relating to babies, she had never washed their laundry, would not feed them if their feeding schedule coincided with her TV times (she watched TV serials from 1-5pm, then went back to her own home for another 2 hours), always not able to wake up for babies night feeds (once, babies were not fed for 5-6 hours, a strict no-no as they were premature babies), always criticized my moms cooking and things my parents bought (down to the kind of jam & bread they bought), implied that my mom had to serve her meals.

The interesting thing was when my hubby came home from work she would appear to be very helpful and always emphasized to him that she had done a lot during the day, how great she had been doing, how difficult it was to wake up in the middle of the night for feeds.

Anyway, to cut the story short, we fired her service after ten days. I had to start helping to take care of the babies during confinement as there was no maid and CL. Even my dad had to chip in to help.

Babies are now being taken care by my mom with the help of a maid. I have not spoken to MIL for the past 7 months, never brought babies to visit PIL as well. I used to respect her a lot, always wanted to regard her as my own mom but have been very disgusted by her hypocrisy. Now then I understand why my SIL refused to even greet MIL although they are staying together.

Well, there is still more but I would not like to bore all of you to tears. Thank you guys for reading.
 
Hi Sing Yee

My HB very side with his parents that's y i m so vexed, like the family photo which i say i don't want it to be displayed at our house but he was so afraid that his mum and despite i quarrel with him he still hang it up on our house, i really hate to see my MIL face and feel like tearing it into pieces but my MIL always come and spot check our house and after that she will asked how come your frigde so empty, how come this missing and that, alot of things i don't like it and quarrel with my HB a few times but in the end still end up in my house, so now i don't know i am the owner of this house or his mother when i asked him he always tell me don't be so petty it just a photo or.... why take it so hard

I always have a feeling that if i have baby sure got more problem. i no baby already got post-natal blue if got baby i think i might end up in woodbridge (just joking)
 
twins,

my MIL is quite like yours, except that she make it clear that my mum will take care of my baby till he's 3, then she'll take over because taking care of below 3 yrs kid is tedious as it needs a lot of attention.

before my pregnancy, while staying with her, she'll cook tonics for hubby only. she even tell me things like maid is not supposed to do washing for me as i did not paid for it when hubby not around. however, her attitude and words will totally changed when hubby's back.

during my pregnancy, she will say things like "ask your mum to cook bird nest for you as its good for the baby"; "ask your mum to buy ren-sheng, its very costly but its good for the baby", ... ... sometimes will ask hubby is the baby taking after my surname ^o^

My boy is around 3 now, PIL has never buy any clothes for him, not even a toy; for me, I seldom bring him to visit them too since MIL always refer him as "your son" while BIL's kids as her grandchildren. At times, do wonder am I too petty and would like to be nice to her, but whenever she starts pointing fingers and screaming at me, will just tell myself to forget it, she doesn't deserve me being nice to her since she din really treat me as her DIL.
 
Hi all,

I just got a comment from one of my male colleague who kaypoh come read this forum.

He was saying, what goes round, comes around.

I asked what he mean. Well, he said. DILs are here complaining about their MILs. And he looked at me saying, you are right now complaining about your MIL and sames goes to your SILs. Look through whether you can find their names? To you, your mother is your angel. To them, your mum is the devil. Cos, your mum is their mother-in-law mah.... right?

Any comments anyone?
 
I was reading the earlier postings about the terms of endearment for your bb to address your PILs. I wonder what do you all here call your PILs? Ma? Pa? Mom? Dad? Mother? Father? Or simply don't call?!!
 
MIL_DIL

When my MIL offered to look after my babies, she indicated that weekends will be her off days (which is fair). Besides, she would be off on a few week nights because she would have choir practices. These conditions sound fair but it was a pressure for hubby and I to rush home on the dot. Right now, we do not have to worry about rushing home on days when we need to work late, my mom is very flexible and there have been many times when she sacrificed her karaoke sessions to accomodate us.

Mrs Teo

My SIL ever "complained" that she did not understand why my mom was not anxious for her to have a baby, was it because my mom would not like to have a grandchild? In fact, my mom just did not want to give her undue pressure because we all knew that she had difficulty conceiving. My mom heaped tonics and bird's nest on my SIL during her pregnancy. It was my SIL who at times declined eating them. My mom bought $3000+ worth of bird's nest, divided into 3 portions & gave one to SIL and one to me. I left mine with mom. If my mom prepares bird's nest, my SIL would still be invited to share our portion. Basically, my mom will leave my bro & SIL alone if they prefer.

How does that sound?
 
Hi twins,

Totally agree with what you said. My mum also prepared bird nest for both of my SILs. none for me... sobz... I always feel that my mum treats my SILs really well. Cos she understands that they are the one to be with my brothers for the rest of their life. Not her.
 
rose, i used to address them as "mummy" and "dad". now i call "mother" and "father".

mrs teo, i'm shocked that ur fren did not take legal action. cruel as it sounds, even if u say ur fren is "new" to taking care of bb, i think ur fren is also at fault. she should have brought bb to doctor for thorough check up the minute she realise something is wrong instead of keeping quiet and massage bb head. i'm a new parent myself, small minor thing will also bring bb to see PD, even though must spend $$$. cos it's MY BB'S LIFE!

as for what ur colleague said, it is true. just like next time u will probably become a MIL and ur DIL/SIL will complain about u mah. basically most of what is being complained are because we cannot understand why their behaviour is different from ourselves. cos everyone is brought up differently with different personalities. i admit, my mum is not an angel (that's why i dun always see eye2eye with her) and my MIL is not a devil (even though i dun always like her way of doing things). if i were u, i will tell ur colleague "SOOO??? Will you rather I complain to you everyday???" as long as ur complaints are not malicious, why worry what he say/think?
 
Hi All,

me too same like u, just tat mine is FIL instead of MIL.. I also never address him ever since i gave birth to my son... Last time i used to address him every time i c him(btw, i stayed with him). What i hate most is that whenever me, hubby n bb at home, he will just treat us as transparent, even my son... ( my hubby the only son, n my son the biggest grandson).. but when ever my SILs are around, he will comment this n that to them, saying my son so clever lah, this n that... but in front of me, he will not play with my son n will ignore him!!! if he have any ??, y can't he ask me but instead ask my SIL, won't me as the mother knows better??? Normally i also never ask my son to play with him or call him, cos i tot since u r so busy n treat him transparent then that it.. but sometime think back , it abit too much cos he also so old liao, so will purposely bring my son to him but he will just play awile(a few mins) then go off!!! So now only when i m on gd mood , then i will bring my son to him.. hahhaa..
He has never bought anything for me to eat during pregnacy or even confinement, now my son alreay 1.5 yrs, he also never ever buy him any toys or things at all..
Sometime think back also sian, but no choice, cos hubby only son.. if not i already shift out liao..
 
twins,
my mum is taking care of my boy now, which is good as my job does require me to fly quite often. if leave my baby with MIL, think she'll complaint again!

rose,
i addressed PIL as "father" & "mother".

how about kids of BIL/SIL (hubby side)? do they address you?
my hubby's niece & nephew dun call me whenever they see me, they'll just call hubby and the parents just act blur.
initially din not my boy to call them too, but come to think of it, why make my boy as "mei jia jiao" as them (that's what my friends n colleagues said so).

hubby said i too petty, what u gals think?
 
Hi Mrs Teo,
Couldn't accept that would happen! Such a irresponsible nanny! It will be guilt ridden for her whole life... and also it will be forever pain to baby's parents! i believe even readers here couldn't take it, so heart broken liao, duno wat to say...

yukiko: ur MIL tell u your FIL will pay for the baby expenese, are you sure? Sounds to me like your MIL is the 'self-centered" type, those who do things only think of themselves and what benefiting themselves without considering other people. So if you agree to have baby just because your FIL will pay, then you need to consider carefully. Later if any disagreement arises between your PIL, they will start to bring up this as an excuse to attack you. U get what I mean? Say if you disagree them to do this and that to you baby, they will tell you "who pay for your baby expenses?", "you don;t have right to say anything.." etc... I can't predict, but just what i think will happen. Just to share with you my thinking only.
 
Hi bitbit

ya, precisely cos it's happening to one of my friend and when my friend decided to divorce, the PIL and her husband gang up together to fight for the case and of cos she lose cos they have all the evident showing that hospital bill, baby expenses all paid by them and my friend have no contribution and the PIL even teach the child not to call her. My friend leave the family with a broken heart and she never get married again till now.

Ya, my MIL is the 'self-centered' type, she do whatever things she want even her own children & husband object she will still do it as long as she feel is nothing wrong if they really strongly object then i tell you she will scream and scold everyone until everyone surrender. I think my PIL just want me to give birth and say alot of good things to us but for my case i just let it be nature if pregnant i'll give birth but if dont have then maybe it a blessing for me also, is a bit selfish but i really don't want my friend story to happen to me.
 
Hi MIL_DIL,

Think you be gracious and teach your boy to address everybody. Kids like to learn from each other and I'm sure the rest of the kids might follow one day. People will praise you for your teaching.

Whatever you Siblings-in-law want to teach their kids, that's their problem right? We won't lose not even a strand of hair even if they don't address us right? We have nothing to lose.
 
rose:
You will be strange to hear that for my PILs, I simply don't call... Surprised?

Firstly, MIL mentally senile, call aso won;t get response. I suppose she dun even know I m married to his son if my SIL never tell her? Anyway I heard from my SIL said that MIL thought I was FAT (dun even know I am pregnant). Once she scold me when I was angry at my husband for something. That means she can still response to something, so why my SIL says MIL dun know i am preganat and can still think i am fat.. Suspect SIL want to side her own mum.

After delivered my boy, wah quickly dash to my house during my CF with her senile mum to look at my son. Keep asking my son to call MIL "Ah mah". My son dun even call me mummy yet hor and the one taking care of my son full time is my own mom, my son dun even starts to call her po-po yet! I think I am petty & "buei kum wan" & jealous down there. My hb thought I had post-natal blue. I told him I just dun feel good in my heart because they hack care me during my pregnancy & even trying to provoke me this and that. Now only to come to look at baby after that. Think I what? A delivering machine? What they contributes to my pregnancy? SIL even disappeared to Australia leaving the senile MIL at home during my delivery in the hospital. Then my poor hb had to run 2 side everyday. Go back to feed her breakfast, then come hosp, then back to feed her lunch, back hosp, then go back feed dinner, then back hosp to accompany me till next morning. i told my hb not to come if not free since the nurses and my mom will be around to attend me during my stay at hosp, but he insist on coming.

yukiko: saying about the family photo which you say u feel like tearing it down because of MIL face is there. I remember my case once when they said they wanted to shift over to stay with us and sold their old house, I rejected saying that i hate them bringing all the old furnitures over and hanging that stupid family photo on the wall which does not even include me inside. I paid for the HDB with all my CPF, why I should let them hang their photo, then i would rather hang my late's father photo, I said. Can you imagine your hang your neighbour photo in your own house, how you feel? Guess i am about crazy liao... maybe just out of anger hor...? Sometimes I had an arguement with my husband i also feel like tearing down our wedding photo. There was once something big happened, also regarding my hb's family members. Did something I really cannot tahan. I bring our wedding photo and dump it straight into recycle bin. Refusing to talk to me, he later found out that our wedding photo was missing and i told him that I dump it so that I can clear that space to put his mother & sister face there and I can give up the Master BR, so ask him to married his sister and sleep with them on that bed.

Sometimes i really think that I am crazy also, but out of anger, one can say and do something funny.
 
thanks, I wish I could bring myself to utter those words out 'father' and 'mother'...

I don't know if your HBs are still giving money to your in-laws after you got married, or after you have your kids. You know what I hated about mine? She got the cheek to tell me in my face that married or not married, still must give! And of course, my stupid HB still remits monthly allowance to them...We're already not very rich, and now trying to start a family...AND still got to service mortgage, yet she demands us to pay her this token! I really hate it when she plays mahjong all day long...most likely she gambles the token away!

She tried to brainwash my HB to let them 'rent' my five-room flat, upon hearing that we were looking for tenants to rent our aprts. PS: We are working abroad, so we can rent out entire flat. She said she would pay the same rental as what we would charge the prospective tenant, and then my PILs will in turn rent their own little 3-rm flat which is near the MRT (i.e. very easy to rent to PRs and expats).

HELLLLOOOO! We're living in the NE, which is goddamn boring for those old folks who must play mahjong with kakis nightly. WHat the hell is their rationale, or should I say, strategy for thinking of this 'bo lui tan' (no gain) arrangement?!!

My HB reasoned that it was because we are living in a larger flat and it'll be nice to let them stay in a bigger place! WHAT LOGIC?? One pocket money comes in, the other pocket money goes out! How much can you gain from a stupid situation like this at all?

It was not our fault that they downgraded to a smaller flat after all their kids got married. And now, my calculative MIL can devise a scheme that perfect for her to make 'income' for renting out her own little flat that is geographically better located than ours, and then give an excuse to 'rent' ours so that she can 'INVADE' our premises for indefinite period...

I told my HB...Wah...your Mom very clever hor...rent out her own flat and come and squeeze into our flat for indefinitely! Do you think you'll have the heart to demand for rental after the first couple of months as a SON!? Don't deceive yourself that you would make your parents pay the utilities...I mean, would you have the cheek to do a thing like that, compared to what you would to a stranger-tenant?!! For strangers, you can chase monthly rental if it's late. For relatives, how to open your mouth to chase?!

He was dumbfounded and told me it was only a proposal and don't overreact! My foot! Proposal! I've heard that proposal 3 years ago when we were just married. She was always toying with that idea and I was outraged that she still harbours those wishful thinking till this day!

Last time, Plan A was for them to sell their exec flat to us cheaply (i.e. they pocket the monies) and get to stay with us under one roof! Wah...so smart of her to have this calculation...she wanted to have her cake and eat it!

I subverted Plan A and dragged my HB to buy our own. Then comes Plan B...I was angry that she's been eyeing on my aprt for 3 years, since it was vacant when we lived overseas...If I had let her foot into my house, I'd find it hard to chase them out next time right?!!

Some years back when they were moving house, she asked to park her barang at my vacant flat while she renovated her flat (that time just got keys, haven't renovated). Out of pity, I agreed...THAT PARKING LASTED FOR MONTHS! I was so mad that I told my HB, enough is enough! I don't mean to be selfish to let her put her one-roomful of barang to 'tide her over' this renovation period...BUT when it was time for us to renovate our flat, I reminded her to remove her things as my contractors found it difficult to paint and install things with her fridge, washing machine, luggage, my SIL and BIL's old collectibles, their antique furniture, etc, parked around!

Fair enough, she cried father cried mother to her own HB, complained to my HB's friends about this treatment...One week later she finally did remove her stuff, but leaving MYSTERIOUSLY 2 luggage full of clothing. I kept reminding my HB to tell them to take it away whenever we went back Singapore for hols. But she just wouldn't have her remnants removed.

I suspected it was her ploy to leave some of her assets here, so that she could have the excuse to come to my place to stay. Finally, ren wu ke ren! I told my HB I'd throw those luggage downstairs! THey were frightened and quickly came to pick them up! WAh Liao! THEY REALLY SO PURPOSEFUL!

Sigh...I've my own complaints too...it's endless...
 
on the subject of how to address PIL, i was just thinking abt it last weekend. up till now, me and my hb still say 'his mum' 'my mum' etc and i find it quite stupid. was thinking for consistency and understanding (so that we know who we are referring to), maybe one set of parents call "father" mother" and the other set call "daddy" mummy". cos he doesn't really call his parents and i am always the one who call. but when we converse, i think it's dumb to say 'your mum' ' my mum'. anyone can advise how to bring this up cos i dun want to sound like i m drawing a clear line.
 
talking about what to call? I called my parents (Pa , Mother), i called his parents (father, mother). But now that his parents are staying with me, my mouth sealed.
 
Hi Rose,

Envy you. Seems that you still have the power over your hubby. Whenever I protest to my hubby, it's like a mouse squeaking... Haiz...

I call my PIL father and mother also. My hubby followed me... call my parents Ma and Daddy... he he... quite a combo
 
ladies, i wonder if it's easy if we juz call PIL "father, mother", as if calling a dog as dog and a cat as cat.(BTW, I am not refering PIL to dog and cat, dun get mistaken, else I would be hit here in forum like "peanut" issue).

SingYee: when my hb & i talk about parent, also same case as you... "your mum, my mum" is mentioned.

Yukiko: are u able to pay for those hosp bill and baby expenses by yourselves (husband & u)? I duno your age, but if u r still young, maybe still can wait, but depending on your decision. Do not let PIL's problem obstruct you from starting new family.

I pity your friend who had to leave her child to PIL & HB's dispose. It's very hurting to the lady because she is the one who is carrying baby to term. During the pregnancy process, she experience alot of bliss especially when the baby turn and kick. Of course then she scarfice alot of things like doing shopping, travelling, doing sports with friends etc.. At birth, she take all the pains and suffering.. then she had to scarfice time for the baby after delivery. each day, she feed the baby and baby grows, each day baby cry and baby laugh, giggle and smile at her.. Then come the day when the baby is "snatch" away by those people (PIL etc...) from her, worst even ask the child not to acknowledge his/her own mother, so ungrateful and inhuman! I really understand how your friend feel, just like cutting a piece of meat from her own flesh...
 
hee...sometimes reading the thread here makes me realise how similar we all are.

bitbit,
i think it's really funny to have a conversation with my HB like that but seems to be quite common.

yukiko,
does your hb know how you feel? where PIL are concerned, must always have hb to convey the msg across.
 
one thing, when i told my MIL to wean my bb of pacifier, she refused! She commented that my bb is difficult to handle, tats why need pacifier, when i told her last time we din need it.

Her chinese goes " Yi Qian Ni Men Rong Yi Dai"

I tot, what the heck? My bb so difficult? Anyway i proof her wrong
 
Hi Staywithmil,

Nowadays, most MIL will comment that babies are hard to handle and will give them many funny funny thing.

My MIL also tried giving my son the pacifier, and my son always rejects the pacifier. And she actually resorted to pressing my son's face against her chest. To force him accept! What the hack?!!!! And she dare to show it off to us!!! Immediately after that, in front of her, I took the pacifier and threw it down the rubbish chute. She so smart, go buy herself la.

No matter what, this is only their grandchildren and not their own kids. Of course they will find no patience in what they used to do with their own kids. But please la, that doesn't give them the right to impose all those bad habits upon our poor little ones right?!

So angry!
 
can I ask u ladies, what's wrong wif pacifier because my son was given it since birth. What to do now? My mom and husband did not reject pacifier although i reject it from the very start. My mom says if dun give him pacifier, he will cry and my hb says he rather give pacifier than to let him cry, scaly get colic. My rejection was thus overthrown and now my son use pacifier... if he do not have it, he cannot sleep. He is 7 months already. He is using the flat top type.
 
Mrs Teo
Same here! my mil forced it into his mouth by using her hand to cover his mouth.
 
Hi bitbit

I m already 32 yrs old and not young, i have my own saving which still can afford for the baby bill & expenses but HB told me he don't have any saving and to be frank my HB can't even afford to give me any 'jia yong' but can give to his mother so i always say it very unfair then he will say i oso got give my mum 'jia yong' and so we start our arguement. I also very angry wif my HB, he is the only son but don't have any say in his family, always anything the sisters will have the say, especially his youngest sister, very KPO like the mother's character & oso very sarcastic.

Hi SY

My HB is always the middle person, he always convey MIL message to me & my message to MIL but in the end he is always the one who got the scolding and end up he give in to his mother bcos he know i soft hearted and more easily to persuade so now u know why those things i don't like but still end up in my house and i think MIL is more expert in brainwash him than me
 
re: pacifier
initially i never give. hb bth bb cry so ask me to give. by that time bb already smart, only want my breast, dun want pacifier, can take out and put back herself. nowadays, bb will use the pacifier 50% of the time when she want to sleep. the other 50% will use her human pacifier, aka me.
 
bit bit

saying about the wedding photo, there was one time i very very angry after having a disagreement with my HB, i took the wedding photo cut it into pieces and throw the frame away, ha ha, then one of the day my MIL came & same lor do her routine spot checked and can't find the wedding photo so she asked my HB but my HB dare not tell her the truth just tell her we keep it in a place.
 
bitbit
i am not sure what is wrong. maybe nothing wrong with using pacifier. just that i am afraid that my bb will be addicted to it and therefore difficult to kick that habit
 
Hi bitbit,

Pacifier are known to cause obstruction of teeth growth. Esp the front 2 teeth, it will grow with a space in between.

Staywithmil,

We are really poor thing. face the same shit from our MIL. Sometimes, I got the urge to ask her what kind of food she don't like to eat. And after that, purposely buy that food and force it in her mouth and see how she feel. I know I naughty in thinking of this, but I used this example and argue with hubby.
 
Mrs Teo
lol, your example is so cute. actually we and the babies are poor thing
sad.gif
 
Mrs Teo

I used pacifier when i was a kid. I had perfectly aligned bb teeth. So i think pacifiers are not as bad as everyone thinks. After all, bb will suck something, if drinking from bottle will such the teats too. If not, they might develop a worse habit of sucking their thumbs.
 
Hi Mashy Brainz,

I also use pacifier as a kid. And my teeth are very aligned. I tried to use that reason to stop my MIL also because my Baby many times use the choking method to make her pull out. But she still continue forcing the pacifier into his mouth after the 'choking' stop.

Anyway, that reason is given by pediatricians.
 
Mrs Teo

Your MIL's doing a very dangerous act. Bb can get choked like that. If anything happens to bb, how's she going to give ur bb back? Good that u threw it away in front of her.
 
yukiko: seems tat both of us have similar fate.. hv same problems dealing wif SIL & MIL and the wedding photos' thing, sigh... Guess my neighbour could hear us becos tat night we were shouting so loud as both of us were very fierce when we quarreled.

Also u noe, we r about the same age group, wooh, then hv to hurry to have bb else become old and chance of having DS baby is higher. Dun care about tat 2 stupid fellows lor.

Same here I have my own saving which still can afford for the baby bill & expenses too! Tatz y I go dun care tat 2 stupid fellows and TTC to start our own family. My HB also dun have any saving and never give me any 'jia yong' too. Can you umagine how similar are we? Yes, my HB only fork out his monthly salary to sustain his mum's daily feeding (ie. similar to giving "jia yong" to them isn;t it?) and of course I also give my own mom 'jia yong' because my brother cannot afford. If i dun support my mom, who will? My father had already passed away. My HB is not the only son, but is as good as the ONLY son coz his elder brother is already out of the picture. (Here i dun wan to elaborate what happen to the elder brother) and his sis (ie. my SIL), aso the KPO type, only know how to psyco and "act" in front of my HB. My HB the soft-heart & helpful (KPO in this case?) type would only listen mostly to her thikig that his sister will not do any harm to me! Infact what she siad before had already hurt me! You remember I told you she said that after I married in changed their family's life? She think that i had changed my hb into another person! So sacarsitic!

btw, yukiko & ladies, i will b off tomolo for business trip to KL, see u all on Friday!
 
i find u gals have a warped attitude. Ok, not all. But some of u. Some of u have got a genuine case against their in laws, but some are just a petty, selfish bunch of pp.

I think it's perfectly alright for the hubbies to give their mothers allowance. It's a form of filial piety. Why can u be so generous with your own family but cannot do the same for your ILs. It's their son too. They've raised their sons not to give them away. And it doesn't matter whether they have other children or not. My father and all my uncles & aunties still give my grandma jia yong. Remember, last time, they have even bigger families. And children are their retirement plans unlike what we have now. Unless u have a genuine case whereby u are so broke that u can't even feed yourself or are jobless, i don't see why your hbs shouldn't give them allowance. Perhaps why don't u look at it, when you're old, would u want your son not to give u a cent in future?

As for jia yong, if you're working, and have worked out how you're going to split the finances, why should u be demanding jia yong from your hbs? Jia yong is only for housewives! It seems so petty to quarrel with your husbands over such things. No wonder u have so many domestic problems! And no wonder your relationship with your ILs are so bad.

If u treat them nicely no matter how they treat u, sooner or later, they'll change their attitudes towards u.
 
Apple
this is a thread for people to vent their frustrations. even if they or even we are selfish bunch of pp, that's us. why are you here to be so cynical
 


mm.. hi everyone... came in here and saw some of the postings here.. kinda find it funny to have such mils ard.. well.. nonetheless.. am in the same plight.

i am into my 26weeks of pregnancy.. before pregnancy.. i was.. staying with my pil for a month.. and we had quite a few conflicts then.. but i usually will end up brushing it off.. and apologize.. (must be crazy ba..)

then.. one fine day.. mil was quarrelling with her son.. threw her son out.. and poor me being there.. stuck at a corner.. was also shouted at and she asked me to get out of the house... and christ.. *ouch* that hurts when i heard it... i teared.. and i went to pack my stuffs.. with my hubby.. and we went back to my own place. i really couldn't imagine that i had been chased out by her!! for no reason. oh yea.. prior to this.. she told me.. not to use her daughter's bathroom and told me that its not that she doesn't like me.. its just that she treats every ex gf of her son's like this.(felt like telling her.. auntie.. i'm his wife not gf) but me being me.. i kept quiet and i left..

just feels hurt when i'm reminded of this. thereafter.. my house finally came after one month of stay at my own place.. phew.. what a relief.. but i told my hubby clearly that his mother will not be mentioned at any point of time to me. i figured i was damn angry then..

things were ok once we moved out.. i don't have to see them.. and i think thats pretty fine.. but as u see.. my hb works for the dad..(family business) so he sees them everyday..(they actually keeps telling my hb that i am not a good wife!!!) who are they to judge me? u mean i must still live in the old days.. whereby wife must listen/obey the hb? do housework and expects the house to be clean and everything? go marry a maid then, why marry me?

anyway... after that.. when they knew tht am pregnant.. they didn't really ask about anything.. except fil asked about the edd.. and for mil.. no news nothing.. feels kinda hurt but again.. i think to myself.. isn't it better? i have always wanted to avoid them at all cost.. now that she's not seeing me... she's not provoking me.

just wondering if i have to address her 'mother' after my son comes out or auntie as usual? (i have been addressing her as auntie till now) i mean up till before she chased me out of the house. after that i refuse to acknowledge her presence. (sorry that i am so mean)
what will my son call her then? mmm..*confused*
 
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