Hi Ladies,
First of all, I will like to congratulate all those on the forum who have succeeded.
Well a little update on myself, I asked for an early test today because I have a strong nagging feeling that I did not succeed this time and I am usually quite spot on with my gut feel. I had heavy menses cramps these 2 days and these are not the stomach cramps.
Well I just called up for my results and true enough, it is a BFN. Although I half expected it but I still cried after hearing the results. Well the bad thing is I am still in the office which is totally open so I can only try to cover up though not very successful. Anyway the worst is over, I actually spent 2-3 hours crying 2 nights ago when the menses cramps first came on. I guess I know my body best. This is a miserable birthday present for me.
I really really wanted so badly for this to succeed this time round but I guess ultimately it is Gods will over mine. Over the past few days, my emotions were swinging from 1 end to another end. For my case, there was no male factor issue and I have no obvious problems so I really duno what is the problem. With no problems on the male fertility, I felt that the whole problem/issue lies with me. I felt so bad for the pple who have put in the faith and hope in me for this cycle. I just felt that I have let the whole world down.
Today, I hit the magic number 8. 8 failed attempts in 3 years is no mean feat! Ha ha and I did it. I have 6 failed IUIs, 1 failed SO-IUI and 1 failed IVF.
I asked myself what else can I do right? I took TCM for close to 1 year, I did my acupuncture, I took leave to relax during the 2ww and for the first time ever, I did not work from home in order not to be stressed up with work. I was hopeful that I will make it in the beginning but this feeling diminished as the days passed.
I have not figured what is my next step. This question has been popping up on my mind the past few days: at which point do you say it is Gods will and I should just leave it to God? Or should I continue trying? I dont have an answer to this. At this point, I am beginning to have a phobia of TTCing.
Sorry to blabber so much. I have to figure a way to break this news to Dr Zou later. Sigh... felt bad for bringing down her success rate as well.
Sorry for not bringing good news to this forum and I really apologise if I have dampened your mood. I guess I just need a place to pour out my grief.
I might be away for a while to figure out what I want to do going forward. But I believe I will be able to get up on my feet soon and move on with my life, whichever decision I make.
So for now, jia you girls!!! thanks for the encouragement for the past 2 weeks! Hopes, ML I have not forgotten abt the 2 of you and I pray that the Lord will bless you with beautiful babies this time. Jia you!!!