I have a 'small woman's rant'

Not sure how to put it. It is a trivial thing but as a petty woman, this incident just tick me off quite abit.

Last year's Christmas eve, my hubby's buddy and his wife came to our house in the evening to visit us and to celebrate the festive season eve. That was a great thing as me and hubby do not have kids and the house is kind of quiet most of the time. So to have visitors coming made me so excited.

They are also bringing along another friend, Mr A, also my hubby's friend but not close. Everything is fine. My hubby's buddy's wife, Ms Z is a chatty, cheerful well groom young mother of 3 daughters and she really mixed well with everyone she went out with.

A total opposite of me who is a shy, timid introvert. Ms Z is like human magnet, and her vibe literally draws most ppl to her, meaning, alot of ppl likes her for her positive vibe, including me as I find her really approachable.

Then as usual, we sit around a dinner table and start playing card games. As a shy and quiet person, I don't talk much. Ms Z will just keep starting conversation with the guys and really entertaining, cracking jokes and such.

Then out of nowhere, Mr A raise his voice and said, ' Ms Z is most slim mother ! Ms Z is the most beautiful mothers among our group of friends. '

Then as it was really past 12 am, I was so tired and bored. I decided to go to sleep without telling them out of courtesy that I am retiring to bed.

I suppose I did the right thing for myself ?

Then the next day, I ask my hubby what was the motive of Mr A saying those last night. My hubby said only he will praise Ms Z.

I was still ticked off quite abit whenever I recall that incident. It is the feeling of someone putting you down on purpose.

I told my hubby that I never want them into my house anymore if that was how they 'thank' the co-host.

Am I doing the right thing ?

By the way, I haven't seen this group of my hubby's friends many years already. The reason why I stopped joining them is the same reason - feeling bored whenever I go out with them. Whatmore with an attention seeker Ms Z around ?
 


Mongkok

Active Member
You felt cast-out. you wanted the compliment. u end up jealous of Ms Z...

look from another angle.
  1. Ms Z play host in your house, suppose you should be the one to entertain (you are the host). whr r u? she came to your space supposed to be entertained. end up she do your job. be grateful she leads and brought some life in the gathering. In every dead-air situation, u should thank the one who speaks up and create an enjoyable atmosphere. u fail to see the opportunity to tap on a topic and talk?
  2. you can claim the lead position as u r the host. u didnt. no thank u to Ms Z and end up being jealous.
  3. Mr A 'xian-ing' Ms Z? opps!
  4. You as a host, went to sleep without informing the guest. this is a rude gesture.
  5. When you don't recv a compliment... how to compliment you 'naturally' when u simply sit ard sulking? your guest felt your vibe lah. not that you dont want to meet them ever, i think they are relief you aren't joining further gatherings.
  6. "putting u down". any phrase along their conversation comment unfavourably about you? no compliment mean bad compliment? staying neutral means no? i think u are the one who look down on yourself.
  7. in short, to start a conversational topic is more difficult than joining one.
factually, if u wan to heard a compliment, join the conversation. this is a gathering and the atmosphere is supposed to be cheerful and light. no-one will take extra effort to lift a particular person's mood in such a light setting. it's either you are on the wagon or not.

you fear people having a bad impression on you when you speak up. please overcome this. ppl can't know u well if you stay quiet.

i should say, in all situations, ppl actually appreciate you talk. by joining a conversational topic, you share the other person's burden in carrying the mood of the space. hence instead of sulking from that incident, learn from it. however, don't expect yourself to be like her. diff character and personality. this is why diff ppl fit diff job.
 
You felt cast-out. you wanted the compliment. u end up jealous of Ms Z...

look from another angle.
  1. Ms Z play host in your house, suppose you should be the one to entertain (you are the host). whr r u? she came to your space supposed to be entertained. end up she do your job. be grateful she leads and brought some life in the gathering. In every dead-air situation, u should thank the one who speaks up and create an enjoyable atmosphere. u fail to see the opportunity to tap on a topic and talk?
  2. you can claim the lead position as u r the host. u didnt. no thank u to Ms Z and end up being jealous.
  3. Mr A 'xian-ing' Ms Z? opps!
  4. You as a host, went to sleep without informing the guest. this is a rude gesture.
  5. When you don't recv a compliment... how to compliment you 'naturally' when u simply sit ard sulking? your guest felt your vibe lah. not that you dont want to meet them ever, i think they are relief you aren't joining further gatherings.
  6. "putting u down". any phrase along their conversation comment unfavourably about you? no compliment mean bad compliment? staying neutral means no? i think u are the one who look down on yourself.
  7. in short, to start a conversational topic is more difficult than joining one.
factually, if u wan to heard a compliment, join the conversation. this is a gathering and the atmosphere is supposed to be cheerful and light. no-one will take extra effort to lift a particular person's mood in such a light setting. it's either you are on the wagon or not.

you fear people having a bad impression on you when you speak up. please overcome this. ppl can't know u well if you stay quiet.

i should say, in all situations, ppl actually appreciate you talk. by joining a conversational topic, you share the other person's burden in carrying the mood of the space. hence instead of sulking from that incident, learn from it. however, don't expect yourself to be like her. diff character and personality. this is why diff ppl fit diff job.
Thankyou for your criticism and lecture.

I am in fact not looking for compliments. I am not even jealous of Ms Z even if I give you the impression that I am.

I already mention I am an introvert, shy and timid. That is my character.

From the way you post and the way you keep implying I want/need compliments and without compliments I will 'die' , I also suppose you judge ppl without really hear ppl out.

I went to sleep without informing them and I was rude. Yes, this I know but they weren't polite to me either. This is due to the vibe they give me that hasn't changed.

Not everyone is a fantastic Speaker in a social setting. Obviously I am not. I am more a listener than an entertainer. And yes I agree that I have to talk but it is really tiring when ppl is just drawn to the entertainer without batting an eyelid at you.

I am sorry to sound like the bad person in this incident.

And yes I agree they should be relieved I am not around to join them in future. I feel relieved too.
 

wendy_reborn

Active Member
I think you were jealous of Z.
Although you doesn’t wan to admit it. The compliment to Z by A made you feel uneasy as you feel you are the host and they should say good words about you not Z.

And you have make your husband lose face by suddenly disappearing from the group.
How would your husband felt if his friend ask where are you and why suddenly you disappear
 

Stansy

Member
Hi Rasberry38,

as u alr called yourself petty, obviously you alr knew the answer.

when you came into this platform what’s ur objective? Seeking for opinions, ain’t you expect to seek to hear the truth or simply wanting sympathy? Yes, truth indeed hurts; is either you accept it otherwise dun post to seek for opinions.
 

annyeo

New Member
I think you were jealous of Z.
Although you doesn’t wan to admit it. The compliment to Z by A made you feel uneasy as you feel you are the host and they should say good words about you not Z.

And you have make your husband lose face by suddenly disappearing from the group.
How would your husband felt if his friend ask where are you and why suddenly you disappear
Agree, i think you were jealous despite you saying you are shy and introvert. I'm the same, very quiet but deep down i want to be appreciated or be at the center of attention or care or compliments in a group.
 

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