Childless Not By Choice Group

Hi babyglaore, I m so sorry to hear abou tat. I know hw it feels to be kena retrenched, the loss of income really hv impact especially we r those who enjoyed financial freedom so much. But i m very sure tat u will get back the work force very soon. Try a break first coz we have worked for so many yrs n hvnt rested yet. Perhaps u will enjoy this period at hm coz u hv more time with ur princess. Let's pray for everything to be ok. Take care, sis
 


Hi BabyG and sisters, long time no 'see'. Hope all has been well and fine!

Hi Hopewaves, rest well and all the best! Have faith and be positive!

Hi BabyG, after so many years of battling with fertility, i have also come to realize that nothing else matters more than family well being and health! I have also faced setbacks at work, partly caused by my fertility struggles (all the HL and MCs taken for IVF and miscarriages has hit my performance appraisals) and will also lose advancement opportunities from now on, as blatantly informed by my boss. Maybe in time to come, i will also lose the job. But hey, every job is really just a job, no big deal. When God closes 1 door, he will open another. So take heart that your next job will be better! In the meantime, you have time and energy to catch up with your family and little one, thats something that no amount of money can buy, isnt it? Every cloud has a silver lining, everything has a purpose and there will always be a better tomorrow to look forward to! JY!

Hi Lyn, Dana, how are you gals? Planning to cycle anytime soon?

I am at the crossroads once again. Since my last miscarriage till now, i havent been planning anything concrete nor trying aggressively. Strangely, i just dont have that strong a desire anymore. And not trying so hard actually lifted alot of stress and burden so i actually felt more relaxed. But i know my hubby still want to keep trying. I also know somewhere in my heart, a little part still hope to have a child. And i also remember people keep saying IVF best try as young as possible, dont procrastinate. So here i am, about to face another IVF cycle in the next few months. But i really dont know if i should really just make that step forward cuz our problem not simple, could be embryo quality due to both female and male issues so even IVF may not bring us success (embryo may not even reach implantation). So even with IVF, we can only keep on humtum until hopefully and finally got 1 good embryo then can succeed. Sounds like very difficult and wishful thinking? Anyone has any view what you will do if you were me?
 
Hopewaves
Good luck!

Babyg
Totally understand how you are feeling right now. It sucks to be retrenched. Been thru that and still getting use to being sahm. And wondering wat kind if job i csn get in the future. But it is really heaven closes one door and opens another for you. Personally I wouldnt have resigned to be sahm although part of me wanted too. But after being retrenched, it sort of left me with no choice. But I'm glad for it as I get to spend mOre time with my boy. There are days where I pull my hair out and I miss the social interactions and freedom when working but I'm still glad that I have the chance to spend time with my boy. Think of it this way. To be able to be sahm is a priviledge. Not everyone can afford to do so. So take the chance and spend some time with your gal

Sunny
Hugs! Well if u ask me, go with the decision that leaves u the least regrets. That was my mindset when i was preparing for my 3rd ivf. I was still trying to plan it so that it did not affect my holidays. I knew that i have to give it another go at that point in time although i was sick of the entire thing. Part of me have already given up hope of having a baby.

And since it seems that your Hubby is Still keen and you do bear a little hope, y not give it a shot. You never know what might happen. Personally I wouldn't want to live with the regret of "what if I had gone for ivf again" but thats me lah.

Regarding the age thing, I guess it does matters. I did my first ivf at 28 which is pretty young I guess. But since it is statically proven that age matters, I went for it. Cause I wanted to ensure that I have done all the things within my control to ensure success.

But these are my own thots. You will need to decide and listen to your heart! All the best!
 
Hi sunflower, long time hvnt seen u around. I totally know how u feel n the fear of gg thru another cycle coz ivf is very emotional n physical draining. But on the other hand sometimes as a couple we still hv to go for it n at least to be fair to ur hubby. I think u shld sit down n discuss wif ur hubby as in when u shld stop but for nw maybe u shld go for another try. At least both of u will hv no regrets. Do it with an open heart n accept all outcomes n do not blame urself it things dnt go ur way. We can only do our best n let god do the rest. Sometimes things r really unexplainable n u will get it when u least expected it. Jia you!!

Liz, understand ur situation but u r a lucky Sahm nw.

Sisters, I personnally feel tat jobs r juz jobs. Ppl say dong jia bu Ta, Ta xi jia it's no big deal. We work only for survival who cares who we work for n whether we enjoyed our job. Sometimes it's really so angry that our boss dun really appreciate us n gv us problem but no choice but the good news is we only work for the money! If we strike toto, juz kick their ass! So sisters juz cheer up n dun feel dwn abt it. Ur gals must cherish the time wif ur precious prince n princess. God will plan the best for u.
 
Babygalore,

I'm sorry to hear about your retrenchement, though I can't say I totally understand how it feels, the closest I got to being jobless was a month when I also took the step to quit and concentrate on TTC. Like you, I also don't think I'm a "stay home" material so it was quite a struggle as the insecurity and aimlessness mounted. However, I really salute your abiility to see things in perspective and able to recognize what's really important in life, which I believe is the mark of true greatness. A greatness that has been moulded by challenging life experiences but yet remain resolute and positive. I browsed through some earlier posts and came across what you have written recently "for one tough mountain out there, there is always another tougher mountain and you are one tough mountain. You are a source of motivation for all of us here and your positiveness and the sunshine in you has rubbed us off". I want to remind you that YOU (underlined, highlighted and bolded) are the tough mountain and sunshine for all of us in the forum too!!! Without you, many of us will not have found such an invaluable source of comfort and support to weather through the TTC storm. You not only started the forum, you continue to be the "force" behind it, cheering the sisters on with your ever so profound yet humorous advice and guidance. I hope I don't sound patronising, but I really believe for someone like you who has gone through infertility, aborted ivf, D&C etc, you certainly have it in you to overcome anything else life throws at you =) I hope for you that when this door closes,a better one opens soon! (aka better pay, less hours, nicer bosses and great colligs!) =) Just a suggestion, you really have the gift of counselling, have you ever considered pursuing that track? =P

Sunny,

Thanks for sharing so candidly about your thoughts, I'm sure it echos what many sisters here feel but find so hard to express. Basically the dilemma. Having seen 5 TCM doctors, done 1 IUI and 2 SO-IUI (1 abandoned last min) and now at the 2ww of my IVF, I also wonder at which point should I give up. I ask myself if giving up trying to conceive is a form of weakness, or is it actually a show of uncommon strength to know when to stop and consider a life without children. I agree with Liz and Lyn that to go with the decision that leaves you the least regrets. At least you know you have tried your best and given your all, that is something to be proud of isn't it =) I think it is definitely a very personal decision and I wish you all the best.

Recently I was at a seminar where 2 sisters from church were sharing about their lives, both may seem to be very "altogether" from the outside, one is a lecturer in NUS and the other is a GM of a private company, but they were sharing about their broken marriages. One of them, her husband cheated on her and they are divorced now, the other one, still in the marriage but husband is totally aloof and unconcerned. Can you imagine, when she contracted cancer and told him about it, all he did was to visit her in hospital once. ONCE! It made me very grateful for my marriage, for a husband who has stood by me through it all. In SGH the other day, he told me he doesn't know if he really wants a kid, he just hopes we strike in this ivf cos' he knows that will make me happy, and in turn he will be happy when I'm happy. I was so touched. Indeed, having a loving hubby beats having 10 children.. do you think so? I hope it encourages the sisters here to remember it is a blessing to have a doting hubby like we all have =)

I'm now on the 4th day of my 2 day transfer of 2 5-celled embryos. Though I'm not feeling the physical pain of the jabs etc now, the waiting is killing me. I have told myself 10000 times not to scour the internet googling "increase implantation success" or "5 celled embryo implantation" or "two week wait to dos" etc.. but I can't seem to stop!! LOL.. jialat, such a kan jiong spider!! I must say I feel very blessed this cycle because my mum has been very attentive to my needs, she is coming over to my place every afternoon to cook for me, and really serving me hand and foot. However there is also a certain pressure because she would say things like "your baby will be born next March" or " pregnant women cannot use scissors" and I'm scared that I will dissapoint her if it is a bfn. =(
 
Hey sisters sorry for being "Cheong hei" but hope you guys enjoy this article I came across =)

Ten Lessons for Women Failing to Conceive
Posted on April 20, 2011 by infertilityawakening ”Don’t waste your time hating failure. Failure is a greater teacher than success”
― Clarissa Pinkola Estés


I have wasted many months hating failure; failure month after month.

Failure to see two pink lines, failure to produce the miracle that is supposed to define the word “woman,” failure to give my husband the one missing piece, failure to keep my ideal weight while my hormones fly to Mars and back, and now, failure to even ovulate.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about toughing it out, yet this is a whole lotta failure for one girl to keep her chin up through.

So rather than hate all this failure, I think I may just extend the olive branch and see what it has come to teach me. When I do so, I realize just how phenomenal of a teacher this failure has been.

Ten Lessons for Women Failing to Conceive
1.Your husband does truly and deeply love you, to a depth you may never have realized without this catastrophic failure.
2. Taking care of yourself has to be your first priority. From the food you put into your mouth, to the time you set aside for naps, walks in the woods, and long hot baths– you must nurture and love yourself first.
3.Some friends will stand beside you, and others will drift away; this is the essence of life. It is not personal, it is not meant to hurt you, it is just the way relationships ebb and flow. Let them go in and out, as with the tide. Welcome their coming, and bless their leaving.
4.Jealousy comes from the root of fear. Letting go of the fear of your inadequacy, and of the unknown future, releases your jealousy of others whose belly’s are round.
5.Some gifts are greater than motherhood. We have all been given gifts, don’t waste yours. A baby may or may not come to you from your womb, yet pining only for this creation may cause you to lose sight of the one knocking at your back door to come in.
6.The world needs your light, don’t hide it. Infertility can cause self-esteem to plummet. Finding the courage to pull back the shades to stand firm in the miracle that is you, illuminates a world previously lit only by candlelight. The world needs your brilliance.
7.Your faith will be tested in nearly every way. Before reaching the top of Everest climbers encounter freezing temperatures, altitude illnesses, and constant setbacks. This is your Everest, don’t waste time journaling about your daily defeats, zip up your jacket and keep climbing.
8.There is a store of reserves you never knew you had. In Alaska there are three months of the year when it is dark 24-hours a day. Facing infertility means there are months when you will feel dark 24-hours a day. Keep holding on for the light, it always comes, and when it does you will realize the abundance of the storage you may have never known was in the cellar of your heart.
9.Gratitude–always have it. The ability to find it is developed on a road marked with fertility challenges as pit stops along the way. Be grateful for the struggle, it is teaching you to be strong.
10.Hope, never lose it. She will be the hand you hold while in the doctor’s office, the pillow your tears fall on when you learn the heart didn’t start beating, the blanket that encompasses you when you fall exhausted from the struggle. And hope will be the gentle shove pushing you forward when it is time to let go.
 
Thanks ladies for your sharing. You gals brought up a good point that i have forgotten ... whether will i regret whichever decision i make now? I turned 34 this year, guess i should not give up on myself so early yet? Guess i really have to think hard on this. Thanks gals! I hope i find peace within myself soon to make the right decision.

Hopewaves, your mum is so sweet! She will definitely be a very doting grandma soon! U jiayou too! Thanks for sharing the 10 lessons!
 
Hi Sunny!
How are you? I think all sisters have given you very good advice. I also agree with them that you should take the route so that you have no regret in future. There is always some hope if you give it a try.

Of course, there is the mental fatigue part. So, take some time to think through and decide what you want to do. Once you have decided to give ivf another go, do it with a positive mindset and confidence. Mind power is a great force.

As for myself, I am seeing kkh Dr SF Loh this week. I am thinking of trying naturally for the rest of this year and perhaps go for ivf in Jan 12.

Hopewaves,
Thanks for sharing the 10 lessons. Very wise words.

Don't burden yourself of possibility of disappointing your mum. She dotes on you and will do it regardless of the end result. Concentrate on resting well and enjoy the pampering. Good news will be on the way
happy.gif


Lyn,
Hello and how are you? Agree that a job is just a job. Sometimes, we spend so much time on our job that we allow our jobs to define us. Must try to separate our personal lives from our jobs.

Liz,
Hello
happy.gif
Hope you are fine.
 
Oh, Sunny, just to add, sometimes, I also feel like a moth flying towards light and getting myself burnt. I ask myself when to stop or is it time to stop now. I have lots of doubts. It seems that it is a fine line between never give up and futile trying. I don't know which side I am on. I hope I will know for sure 1 day. In the mean time, I just tell myself to keep on trying.
 
Hi sisters,

My BT last Friday came back with a BFN. I'm alright, just cried a little and back to work today again. As expected, the hard part was trying not to feel that I've let my mum down. Kinda lost as to what I should do now.. no courage to do next fresh cycle, and no frozen to do FET..
 
Hugssssssssss, hopewaves.

Cry if you need to, don't bottle up your feelings. Don't rush into any decision yet. Just let yourself recover physically and psychologically 1st. Pamper yourself as much as possible. Give yourself a pat on the back for a battle well fought
happy.gif
You have tried your best regardless of the outcome.

Jiayou!
 
Hi hope wave, juz wanna tell u dun feel sad n dun give up. Try again coz u r still young n ur responses to the sitmulation is good, so there isn't any reason u shldnt gv it a shot again. Or perhaps u will strike it naturally? Meanwhile pamper urself n be happy, I envy u for having such a caring mum. U will not disappoint her coz I know u will hv a baby soon... Jia you
 
Hello everyone,

Am new to this thread but got to know abt it thru another 'sister' in this forum.

I'm currently in my 2ww, day 2 now.

Hopewave, is that you I had lunch with at Thai place last Fri? If it is, hello! Been trying to send you a PM but can't seem to be able to.
 
Hey sisters,

Hope u girls are all living well. I will write properly soon
happy.gif



In the meantime, Hopewaves, this is just a warm-up attempt. U will have good luck soon, my six sense tells me and my six sense is often very true..(thicked-skinned but true still). Pls don't worry a single bit about your mom being disappointed. I can tell u 100% that ur mom will be more worried about ur feeling post this cycle and have


Lyn,
I very busy recently both at home and at work (looking for job). But taking time to catch a breath lately.


Hey Kimmy,
Welcome and bbdusts to u..2ww is tough but worth it..Is this your first attempt at ivf?
 
Hopewaves,
I can tell u 100% that ur mom will be more worried about ur feelings post this cycle and have no time for any disappointment. U are a strong gal and spirited gal and continue to stay strong and emerge even tougher after the grinding of all those injections.
 
ladies, can I join you guys? feel completly lost - being TTC for many years. all the treatments and failures are wearing me down..
sad.gif
 
hi babygalore,

thanks! yes this is my 1st attempt at ivf after 4 so-iui and ttc-ing for 3 years... I'm 3 days shy of BT/HCG test on Friday. Eeeps! Scary but its very heartening to have a 'support grp' around. In the last 1.5 weeks, I've almost forgotten that I have embryos inside me, and bloat very badly that I look 3-4 months preggy - bad side effects of pregnyl jabs. After each jab I would also experience sharp pains & pulling sensations in the morning to the point that I almost wanted to admit myself to kkh yesterday.
I sincerely hope & pray all these pays off.

Anyone else here in 2ww? :D

Hello Becky,
I'm new to here as well :]
 
hello kimmy, all the best as you near the end of your 2ww. I know the bloating feeling as i had it when we used injections for IUI. only yours must be tougher. take care and hugs.
 
Welcome Kimmy and becky

Kimmy
Hope to hear good news from you soon!

Becky
Welcome! Don't be disheartened. Don't give up. We have a few miracle babies here
happy.gif
want to tell us more abt yourself so that we can see if we can help in anyway or just feel free to vent here
happy.gif
the sisters here are very friendly and babyg is very knowledgeable
 
hello Liz,

thanks for your kind words dear
happy.gif
. i've been TTC for 4 years and have done many IUIs. i have PCOS also. few months before i started TCM, as all the medicines and jabs were getting too much for me. i am taking a break before moving in to IVF. it scares me thinking of IVF, but that looks like the obvious next step. what did you guys do to prepare for IVF? i so stressed thinking about it
sad.gif
.
anyways thanks for welcoming me in to this group. really appreciate that.
 
Hi Liz,

Thanks! 2 more days...I hope to get good news too now that my bloat is subsiding. I feel bad that just yesterday over lunch my family was talking and assuming that I will already be pregnant till full 9 months and said things like when I pass first tri, they will accompany me to yoga and all....Yeaps, I don't know where to hide my face if the news is anything but good. Trying to stay positive for another 2 more days....

Hi Becky,
Thanks for the reassurance. Right now experiencing soft stools. Yikes! I also started TCM, but since last July and for this ivf, I quit my job (not easy because everyone ard me starting saying how I need to quit my job to conceive meh?) and waited 2.5 months before I could start on my ivf cycle cuz of wait list. But during this time, I would accompany some sisters on their 2ww and feel so excited for them. So when my turn finally came for ivf, wasn't as panicky as I thought I will be...
Was very grateful I had sisters from the forum answering my doubts throughout. So I think you will definitely be in good hands for your cycle. Just don't over think everything and trust God.
happy.gif


Hope this helps ;]
 
Becky
Preparing for ivf... Erm. Save money!!! Lol. Just kidding. When I was preparing for ivf, I did Tcm and accu, avoid coffee, cold drinks. Eat healthy. Exercise( tried too) :p

Hb took supplements. Ate all sort of funny things suppose to boost sperm quality. Tomato juice, wheatgerm extract, Tcm, accu

I have pcos too. One thing abt ivf and pcos is that u will be at higher risk of Ohss. So during stimulation got to take lots of protein like egg whites and/or immunocal. I had to take 10
Egg whites daily. Yikes! Put me off eggs for a while

Btw are u insulin resistant? Did any blood test? Hb sperm count? MorpholOgy? Hba factor? All ok?

I managed to strike naturally after 5 years of ttc and 2 failed ivfs. Just to share. I took royal jelly and plenty of guava the few months before I strike. My hb also had poor
Morphology and hba. Doc gave him vit e and some green oats thingy. Oh ya. Was drinking plenty of wine during that period too. Hahaha something whIch I nvr did. : p

Kimmy
Good luck! Don't read too much into the symptoms. I didn't even know I was preg till I was spotting and doc told me to test. Thought my cycle went haywire again. Anyway jia you!!!
 
Becky
I was also on metaformin. My cycle was 60 over days kind. Metaformin help to shorten it to 45 days and royal jelly helped to shorten it further to 35 days. Metaformin is a diabetic drug. Help to regulate my insulin levels which was causing the prob. Btw which doc are u with?

Kimmy
Don't feel bad abt facing your family. It is a tough journey. No
Point making it harder on yourself. getting preg and having a
Kid is a personal thing. If it fails(god forbids), your family will be there to support you. Btw, loose stools is a good sign. I had that when I was in my first tri.

Ladies sorry for the piece meal response cause using iphone
 
Hey kimmy,

Yes we has lunch together the other day at downtown east! So sorry I haven't been up on this forum for a while, trying to enjoy my post-failed-ivf days without any reminders of TTC haha. To do anything and eat anything I like without varying about TTC is actually quite emancipating, like stuffing myself with ice cream and fried oily stuff. And yes, not having to pop any of the 1000 pills and vitamins I used to take during ivf.
happy.gif


That said, I wish you all the best for ur ivf!! Is your BT today or tomorrow? Hope you strike at first round. Yah I know what you mean by family members assuming you're pregnant etc, but like what Babyg told me, they care more about you and your feelings rather than whether you're pregnant so don't feel like you're letting them down or anything. Keep us posted of the good news ok!
happy.gif


Hi Becky,

Welcome too! I know what you mean, the words "ivf" were really terrifying to me too before I embarked on it. It sounded like a super scary, long drawn, painful and expensive process. I felt like if I did ivf, would I just be confirming my inability to give birth on my own ever again, and also how would the procedure cause defects to my child..etc etc. So I only did ivf after 3.5yrs of TTC. As someone who has failed the first ivf, honestly I would say I wish I can gone ahead and done it earlier. Age is the major determinant in the success of ivf and everyday we get older. Also, I feel empowered when I am doing ivf, like I am taking concrete steps to "master my destiny" and take charge of my fertility rather than mope around (which the sisters here know I am very good at Hee Hee) also, I can tell myself 3 times is the max, so if all my ivf fails (hopefully not), I can think about adoption or at least closing the chapter knowing I have done my best. But hey, this is only my personal views, you know your situation best so I'm sure you"ll make the right decision for yourself. Whichever you decide, the sisters here will always be the bedrock of support you can turn to
happy.gif
I'm thinking of doing my 2nd round in late sep/ early oct, we could even be cycle buddies if u like!

Hey Liz and Babyg,
Big hi to you gals too!! You guys are like the pillars of this thread, always there as our "big sisters"
happy.gif
just to share with you guys, after my failed ivf, I spoke to my boss abt perhaps quitting my job as it was quite stressful, in the end she propose for me to do telecommute, which is a great idea. So now I only go to office 2 or 3 times a week, other than that work from home. Grateful for this arrangement, which will come in handy when I do ivf again
happy.gif


What abt you guys.. Are you coping well with your babies? Any updates on your job situations? =) miss you guys.. Lets do our next outing soon
 
liz
thanks so much for your response. really appreciate it. i am on metformin as well as i am insulin resistant. my cycles are all over the place. after TCM and metformin it seems ok but never reached the normal 30 days till now. since last month(after another failed IUI), i have stopped taking any vitamins and metformin..it just got too much for me. i know its not good but its just that i feel whats the point?

[my hubby has low morphology, though count is ok. what is hba?]

anyways , i need to get back on track i guess. thanks for the input. any idea where i can get royal jelly from (and how does it taste?). also you ate pink guava is it?

i know what you mean by ohss. the first time i did IUI with injections, i could hardly stand
sad.gif
. i dont know how old you guys are ..I am 33..soon celebrating by 6th wedding anniversary. i sometimes think if things had fallen in place i would have had a 3 year old now..sigh..sniff

Kimmy

all the best and take care.
 
Hey Sisters,
I really appreciate all your jiayous and encouragement. These few weeks have been hectic for me but I am taking one step at a time to settle things down. A little update, jobs search ongoing, going for interviews is quite siong for me as have not done so for very long.

Outside of work, baby is doing well, taking food better than while my mom has been a great help. Personally I need to rest more as can feel more hormones are not good, dry hair, dry skin. I have signed up for a massage package, and looking forward to that.


Dana,
Hey, thanks lots lots for your encouragement
happy.gif
As I am in a niche area in banking&finance, so there are not that many choices but luckily my co has given us three months notice which has given some breathing space and also will get some retrenchment benefits. But one thing for sure is the the job market is starting to slow down toward year end.

U are absolutely right, I was just telling my hb that day that having gone through so much fertility challenges, can really cope with retrenchment better. At least I did not break down after receiving the pinkslip as its so commonly expected. Job can find anytime and family happiness and trust is top priority. Everytime when I find that looking for a new job is stressful, I will look at all my family members including my mom and as long as they are healthy, what more can I ask for. U are also right in that we gain some we lose some, we cannot win all the time.

Ur friend's experience is definitely a wakeup call for all of us is that we must value what is right in front of us. It also reminds me a real life situation I have encountered of a friend. She was not on good terms with hb after one yr of marriage and decided to have a baby to make the marriage closer and lessen the boredom, however, the baby did not manage to make the marriage work and they still ended up splitting. So its clear that the prelude to anything is to make the marriage work. At the end of the day, its our partner that will accompany us to our white hair days.

And do keep trying naturally sis, u will really never know.




Lyn,
Correct, even if I manage to find a new job, I will ask to take a break, I am thinking about bring my parents for a short trip as my mom has been very xin1ku3 babysitting and its really no joke for someone her age. If don’t go for a short trip, I will also spend some time to "nua" at home. How is ur mom? She will be staying with you from now is it?

U still spotting your sexy curly long hair?
happy.gif





Sunny,
Heeee..
happy.gif
Everytime I lose something, that phrase "when God closes 1 door, he will open another" will always come up in my mind and overtime, it is always true. That is really a thought that has helped tremendously through all the trying times.

Ur boss is very direct. I can tell my current boss also thinks the same way but only not so balant. In fact, when I first joined the co (I was late 20s then), he asked my col if I will be doing family planning. So its on many bosss's minds of how they can discount us if we are trying for a baby. That is a harsh reality but nothing will change the fact that family comes first. Put it this way, many times, even if we never take a single day of MC, always put in 100%, come appraisal time, we will still not get 5/5. They will find some ways to mark us down so that they don't have to pay good increment and bonuses. That is what one of my young male col said.

Hey sis
I agree with Liz, Lyn, Hopewaves and Danad that go with the choice with tht least regrets. Just continue to humtum and live life for yourself at the same time. TTC and living for ourselves are not mutually exclusive although if we indulge in ttc (I am gulity of that before), its can easily become mutually exclusive. Please keep ttcing and hold on to that hope but let it be 2nd on the to-do list. First on the to-do list is to live everyday for yourself and your hb. Your prospective baby is waiting there to enter your life but he or she only wants a mom who can enjoy life and help he or she enjoy life when he or she is really to report..heeee..
happy.gif
I am confident you can do that as you feel you are already more relaxed now.




Liz,
I am absolutely using this window period to benefit my bb..heeeheee..have been spending a lot of time buying things for her that I have no time to buy previously. Can u imagine, so far, a lot of her clothes were bought by my elder sister as I have little time for shopping. Although burning a big in the creditcard bill now but feels good to buy things loh
happy.gif
Now I understand why you bought so many clothes liao..heheee..and as you said, take chance to spend time with them as they grow so fast. Now Mel is closer to my mom then me as she prefers my mom to carry her, shows the sadness of a working mom. U are right in that we would unlikely resign to be sahm if not for the retrenchment, so there is probably a reason for everything.




Hopewaves.
Huggsss and I am very touched by your encouragement sis…I believe going though all these will definitely make each and everyone of us a better person..as the saying goes, what does not break you will make you. For someone like me who has worked all my life, losing a job can threaten to lose my sense of identity but as all of you have said, family first and whenever I have a feeling of losing that sense of identity, I will remind myself that personally, nothing is more painful then that mc that I have gone through before, to have a life dying inside the body. So kena discarded by my co is not as bad as losing a life. Ur words have reinforced my fighting spirit. To be honest, I have heard of gossips floating back to me that so and so have been saying to so and so that people from our co very sad, got retrenched, whole co relocating, got chop brutally, blah blah blah but after hearing what you girls said, it has reinforced to me that this is not a major an episode as some have made it out to be. I have not told many about the past fertility issues, if I have done so, I can imagine more gossips flying around and those are definitely more major (juicy) then just being retrenched.

The reality is that I have gotten more out from you girls than I have given..that is why nothing in life is ever predictable
happy.gif
Heeeee…I am not qualified to counsel professionally but one thing for sure is that after I retire, I will help out at the down syndrome associate of singapore if they don't find me too old..heeeee..Got a calling to do something for those miracle children (always find that they are miracles as they can survive despite having an extra chromosome in all their cells) as bbs I have lost are also trisomies and the society really look at them with tinted lenses. If u also free by the time you retire, I will rope u in one de
happy.gif


Sis, you are right, have a doting hubby beats 10 children. Ur hb is very sweet. I would love to meet him one day if got chance.

I love the article u share and the choice of the word Clarissa used: "catastrophic failure". Indeed, many women around us always make it sound like not having children is a catastrophic failure. "why no kids! Must have!" "kids complete the family" "must have kids young, you don't want to run after them at only 40!". Feel like telling them, a family is not completed with kids, its with love. With10 kids and a couple that only lives togther for the seek of the kids, there is still a big imcomplete hole there. And a complete family is not one that churns out bbs.

And I love all the 10 points. All downright true.




Becky,
Warm welcome
happy.gif


Don't feel lost and if you feel lost, lets feel it together k. The sisters here are all very familiar with that lost and alone feeling and when I was about that do ivf for first time, the feeling was so scary that I joined the ivf support thread since May09 when I only planned to do end 2009 as I was super scared. Its normal to be afraid.

There are many things we can do to prepare and feel more in control. In summary:

1. Start to detox the body. Try to bring BMI to a more optimum level. If overweight, try to cut down a bit, if under, eat more good food.
Can use many methods to detox including drinking hot lemon water for 7 days (will write more if anyone interested to know) and starting a gentle exercising regime.
2. Start to do acu say 1/2 months before ivf
3. Start with a pre-natal multi-vit (blackmores is a good brand as it comes with fishoil and Co10) 3 months before.
Depending on body condition, some supplements like royal jelly can also boost health in general and egg quality. Best to consume 3 months before ivf. Rule of the thumb is to take supplement 3 months before ivf for them to take effort.
4. Start some destressing regime such as soft music, start to prepare hb and gain his support
5. Into the actual cycling, there is a to do and not to do list what I will attach here again.

And Liz is our Pcos Consultant..I learnt a lot fr her about how to boost egg quality too.




Kimmy,
Good luck good luck and good luck..keeping my fingers crossed for you
happy.gif




Sisters,
During the days that I would test with a hpt exactly 12 days after ovulation (12 days was the average due date that the embryo will implant after fertilisation) and continue to test everyday until the menses finally arrive, wasting so many hpt and hoping with every strip that I would be greeted with a double line, only to be disappointed time and again right up the stage that I don't bother to buy hpt anymore (that was the time I wrote the first post and decided to love myself more), this clinche yet important quote has accompanied me all these while as I printed it and pasted it on my study's wall:


When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.


It is with ttcing that we will never ever know "how close we are to the golden crown". Never give up as next month might be the month. Never give up but also don't live for the seek of ttcing. Remember that your prospective child will not want a ttcing machine as a mom. He or she wants a positive and strong mom who loves life and can teach him or her how to love life too in due time.
 
Hopewaves,

*wave wave
happy.gif
* We posted at the same time
happy.gif


Hands up legs up..I fully agree, you have put what I cannot put into words so well: "I feel empowered when I am doing ivf, like I am taking concrete steps to "master my destiny" and take charge of my fertility rather than mope around "

These were exactly my feelings for deciding to do ivf. In a sense, of course it will be perfect with a bfp but I did it back in 2009 with the goal of wanting to at least give it a try and not always having to live with the question mark of "what if I have done it?".

I am impressed with your boss. Your work arrangement is perfect
happy.gif
I just wanted to sms you and u appeared here
happy.gif


Shall we fix up lunch on a fri soon? We can go indulge at some places with nice dessert too
happy.gif
And for any sis who are interested (whether we have met before or not), we will keep u girls in the loop. All are welcome to join, based on past experience, we all "blend" very fast and easily
happy.gif


I apologise for not having organised a weekend meeting yet as my mil has not warmed up to bb yet and I must let my mom rest on the weekend.


Becky,
Liz will give u a good idea on how to consume royal jelly as she was the one who suggested that to me then too. I know she gets hers from GNC, the semi-liquid bottle type.
 
Becky,

If you are tired of vitamins, take a break first and once u are ready again, start again..taking a break every now and then is healthy and necessary de
happy.gif
 
becky
hba is some sperm binding factor that shows how well the sperm is able to bind to the egg. my hb failed that as well. but after the doc supplements, he managed to passed all the morphology, count and HBA.

I bought the royal jelly from GNC. bought the liquid form which is mixed with honey. need to take it in the morning on an empty stomach. need to use a plastic spoon. take 1 tablespoon daily. u can take it straight or mix it with water.

For PCOS, u can also try a low GI diet. Low GI means to take foods that releases sugars slowly into the system. this will prevent a spike in sugar levels and over production of insulin. it does not only mean low sugar foods only. Gardenia has a low GI bread and some yoghurts like yoplait is also low GI. I have a book on it. can pass it to you if we meet. so basically, u need to cut down on carbo or if taking carbo, choose high fibre carbo like brown rice. eat more vegs and meat. things like white rice is a no-no. certain fruits too. can try and google too.

I took the normal guavas. just happen that I had a crazy craving for guava at that time. hahaha.

btw, i am 32 and my hb is 34 this year. don't think abt "what ifs" for me, if i was as lucky as my friends, my kid should be in P1 next year liaoz. take it that someone up there has plans for us. Like I have always said, we go through this journey for a purpose. it will make us better parents and make us treasure our kiddos even more. studies have shown that IVF kids are actually brighter than kids born "normally". it also gives us the chance to do things that we like and could never do if we had a kid earlier. i would not have backpacked in europe and japan. would not have enjoyed my carefree life. i think the journey helped prepare us for parenthood and changes our perspective on life. don't get me wrong, not trying to rub salt onto your wounds. but having a kid changes everything. there are really restrictions to your life. yes, it sucks to try so hard for a baby and yield nil results but take this chance to enjoy your life and do things that you want to pamper yourself!!! u deserve it.

don't give up hope. think of it another way. at least now there is ivf to give us an avenue to be a mom. must have faith. in the past, what else can we do. like what hopewaves says, embarking on this journey means taking your own faith in your hands. u are actively doing something about it. understand that there will always be this nagging thought of that if this doesn't work, does this mean this is the end and there is no hope. but in this journey, all we can do it hope and do all things within our means and pray for the best. take a break and battle on sister!!!

BabyG
thanks for the "tall hat" but i am no expert. just sharing what i have found out when i was ttcing and hope some sisters can benefit from it.
happy.gif
love to meet up again soon.

hopewaves
dear sis. hope that the IVF has "reset" your system and u will be able to strike naturally soon.
 
hello liz, baby galore, hopewaves, becky and sisters here...

thanks for your best wishes & luck! got a call from kkh in the afternoon and was told that I'm pregnant! Very happy!! I was in midst of watching harry potter with husband and was in tears after that, cant concentrate on the movie (as never receive a positive b4 and was just so surreal that it happened).

Liz,
thanks for reaffirming about the loose stools part, I was a little worried cuz I had that on my BT day and the nurse that took my blood stil say "wah you very jialat leh..." and also I have it until today but in terms of colour and quantity its getting much better (doesn't look as toxic as before - sorry for too much info) and I googled to have some peace of mind and realized that loose stools is due to increased progesterone in the body. And it always happens when I take chilli. So am cutting back on that! Praise God for the miracle. hoooray!

btw, after bfp can continue to take Conceive well? anyone knows?

hopewaves,
i'm rooting for you. jiayou jiayou! And its good that you took some time 'off' to do the things you like. I indulged myself too before my cycle to start myself on a 'high' note. Let me know if you want a lunch kaki again!
 
Hi kimmy, congrats! When u scan gg to be?

Hi Becky, totally understand ur feelings. Guess we r the same age, n I'm celebrating my 7th year of marriage. Sometimes it's really faith n perseverance to success, so endure alittle more n u will be there soon....

Hi babyg, I hv cut my hair short already coz losing lots of hairs due to hormonal changes so hv to cut it before I lost more.
 
hi LYn, yes we are the same age if i go by 1978 in your profile name
happy.gif
Thanks for asking me to pesevere.Take care sis.

Sisters

Have you been at the mercy of the attendants/receptionist/nurse (whatever you call them) when you visit a gynae?? I just feel so frustrated when they seem so high and mighty. I ask my docs nurse for appointment and she tells me that only 3.15 pm is available. She warns me to come exactly at 3.15. I rush there (Gleneagles) from my work (city area) and I have to wait for 45 mins! The doc's room was literally empty and she could have very well scheduled my appointment properly. When I asked her she was so rude.I literally felt like crying.. This is not the first time that she has been so insensitive. Last time when I asked her if she can give me a morning slot because I work she said 'take half day leave lah'. Sometimes I think if it werent for TTC I would not have to endure such treatment from these women..

Sorry for the rant
sad.gif
 
Kimmy,

Congratulations to u and looking forward to the new joys in life
happy.gif
Take good care of yourself k..
happy.gif
U will manage pregnancy with kkh?

Usually in the first trimester, gynae will advise u to eat folic acid (to prevent spinal issues) and fish oil (for baby brain to grow). Its when u reach that u will be given a multivit. I would say perhaps you can stop on Conceive well and ask your gynae for the folic acid and fish oil.


Lyn,
Good move to cut hair, anyway, hair can grow long very fast once hormones settle down de..u are right, maintain hair volume is more important
happy.gif



Becky,
Totally understand the situation you went through with that woman. Its like you are trying to clear a hurdle and others are out to make it tougher. I have had that feeling before and it makes me really feel like bursting. I would say she has very little common sense to begin with in that not anyone can take leave at our whims and fancies. But take heart that you are not the one with the problem but she is. Most likely she woke up at the wrong side of the bed that day or she is nasty by nature that she feels happy by making life difficult for other people. Tell yourself that by seeing her uncouth behavior will only remind us to be more considerate and sensitive and nicer people. And I am very sure that she is the loser and not the patients. Without the patients visiting the clinic, she can go and eat grass.

There is another sis (Liz) here who has had nasty experiences like these. Wait for her to come back fr Australia and she can tell more here. Some of the nurses at GEH can be quite nasty. Another sister I knew from the forum did clearing of the womb after her miscarriage. After she woke up from the GA, one of the nurses swinged a bag that contained her small baby inside right in front of her eyes before dumping the bag on her stomach and even said "nah, here's your baby". Its plain cruelty. And when such a thing happen, I always believe that the person who does it is insulting herself and not the person she did it do.

This TTC journey will definitely strengthen u and make u into a stronger person
happy.gif
Tell yourself that you can endure their uncouth behavior as you have a purpose and goal while they can be as uncouth as they want, its their loss and bad karma.
 
Becky,
One thought that came to my mine. Another possible reason that she is so nasty is that she is unhappy with your gynae (working hours, pay etc) that she is taking it out on the patients..
 
Hey babygalore,

Thanks so much for your perspective. I agree with what you said that the TTC journey will strengthen us and make us stronger persons. I have learnt to be much more considerate since the TTC journey. I cant even imagine what that sister went through at GEH. Its so cruel.

Anyways I do believe that there is a God above who sees it all. Rather than dwell on reasons on why she spoke/acted that way, better to deal with it in dignity like you said.

However, there was one instance where I complained to the doctor, when it was unbearable. I told him that we who are TTC have our own stress and to be treated like this can be quite painful. I narrated the specific incident and he actually took it well. Told me that the front office staff generally dont stay long with doctors so he has a tough time finding good staff. He said he has already cautioned some of them on their attitude but sometimes feels that its good to close one eye. Not that it solved my problem, but felt that at least he is aware.

Anyways hope you guys enjoyed national day holiday.


Kimmy,

Hope you are well and enjoying this time. Hope all goes well for you.
 
Hi Lyn,

Thanks! My next kk scan is on Tues, 16th. But because I kiasu and kancheong papaya so I went to see my pte gynae and saw hb & sac yesterday liaos :D

Hi babygalore,
Thanks! Definitely taking more care of myself. Haha I don't even dare go near my 15 mths nephew now (even tho he's staying for another 2 weeks more) because recently he went PAT PAT PAT on my tummy. He wanted to sayang me but quite hard cuz I think can't control yet. So hahaha yeah... Thanks for the tips on the fish oil & multi vits. Yeps, turns out pte gynae prescribed them to me so I'm a pill popper every morning but a very happy one.

Becky,
Hmm I know what U mean. I went to Glen E before for my previous IUIs and I find they treat people differently & rudely too. But I will just ignore them and ask them to clarify "like what you mean by this this this that that that" I mean not like we're consulting for free right? I will ask them matter of factly on things. Or what you can also do is next time joke "nurse, you today bad mood ah?" ahahhaha. I think she don't know where to hide her face! And definitely ask your doc to give you the mc or sick leave instead. Some nurse thinks just bcuz they work there for a while, then they can do things as they pleased. Grrrr. I feel you. Thank you, I'm more anxious during this period actually but telling myself to just chill and enjoy every moment. BTW, r u with O&G? *Curious* hehe
 
Becky - not for this ivf cycle. I went with kkh this time... I used to be with O&G for my 4 previous so-iuis last year...
 
Good morning everyone!

Just wanted to bounce off some paranoia. I got hit by a motorized wheelchair yesterday in the train because I didn't get out of the person's way in time and he was reversing in really fast. Is my precious okay? I didn't think about it last night but woke up today thinking about it and wondering if I 'hurt' bb.
 
Hi kimmy, relieved to hear bb hb. For kk appt hv to wait till week six when be too long. As for the being hit part, as long as no bleeding from below after tat shld be ok. If u really worried then make an appt with ur pte dr to check.

Becky, I also used to see dr foong frm o and g. I only feel his nurse Angeline is ok, the rest of those nurses attitude sucks.
 
Becky,
Yes, sama sama as u, Becky, u might think I am crazy to think and am saying what I am going to say because I already have a chilid but it’s the downright truth. Actually I see two of myself: one who supposedly has no problem in conceiving, complacent and a naïve individual and another one who is mellowed by these fertility struggles. Without any second thought, I definitely like the second person better and if I have a choice, I would want myself to be the second person despite all the fertility struggles. And I strongly believe you are also the second person and all these experiences, pleasant and unpleasant will only help to prepare u to be a better mom in due course.

Three cheers for telling the dr about it. By doing so, you are helping other patients. Ur gynae has said out the trouble of local healthcare, not enough incentives to incentivise graduating students to be trained as professional nurses. But there are going to address this issue soon by increasing the base salary.



Kimmy,
Wait till your tum tum gets bigger and more prominent, think ur nephew will love it more
happy.gif
heeheee…So make sure u preempt and stop him way in advance before he starts to sayang u..

Yeah, Lyn is right, as long as no cramps or bleeding (touch wood), its ok. The aminotic fluid will provide enough cushion in most cases.
 
Good morning Sunny
happy.gif


Sounds very nice and appropriate to say good morning sunny (sunshine!)..heeeee...

Have you been busy with work? It seems that our economy is going downhill such that every worker has to take on more work for the same amount of pay.

Come and visit whenever u can ok..understand its extremely difficult to post when there is a firewall at office.
 
Thanks Lyn & babygalore for the advice
happy.gif
Really appreciate it.
yeah now nephew gives me strange look when he sees everyone eager to carry him but I stop him before he can lunge himself forward onto me. Haha. No bleeding from that incident too, and a recent scan on Tues at KKH shows its ok...

Happy Weekend everyone~
 
Good evening BabyG! hehehe
happy.gif


Yup, hope everyone's day is always sunny!!
happy.gif


Yup, busy with work. But i thinking to approach my boss soon. She has made me expand my workscope, take on more staff, have more responsibilities yet some things that i can no longer watch over seconds sensitive due to increased load, she hasnt remove. And all these with no career advancement in sight since she say cannot promote me already. Taken for granted already. I am gonna request her review. As it is, even i lunch in daily also never have enough time already.
sad.gif


Ya, back to this thread whenever i can and hoping everyone is well and read more *good news*!
happy.gif
 


Lyn, my days are drawing near cuz coming to end of 4 months on DHEA soon, i need decide soon whether to cycle 1 more time. *shivers* Scared to make the call.

Recently, one of my friends who tried as long as me strike naturally! Then at the ivf thread, i read a sister's cousin try 8 times finally kenna triplets! So miraculous right?! Gave me cheer and hope.
happy.gif


I have also tried 8 times if count fresh + fet. All i got was 2 miscarriages. I once say never mind, keep trying, cannot be 10 times also not once successful right? Looks like my big mouth is gonna spot on, going to hit 10 times liao lor. Really hope can succeed once, i dont ask for children already, now i ask for child. But i will keep the faith, God willing, i shall have more than 1 somehow! Hehehe
happy.gif


Sometimes the memories of my MC come back fast and harsh, i find myself tearing. I find myself wondering if the 2 angels were boys or gals. How nice if they were born, now will be toddlers already. But then i quickly remind myself, like what some of you say "we go through this journey for a purpose" and "what does not break you will make you", then i found the courage to stand and walk on.
happy.gif
 

Back
Top