Child Adoption

[dimpyteddy]

Thank you Priya.

This means that i can submit the HSR myself.

Btw, how long is the process.

I would like to find out do we travel to the coutnry of birth of the baby to look at the little one, or we can see our to be little one in singapore.

Best regards

 

[sweethorizon]

Mrs Ha,
Thanks! We will take note of that.

dimpyteddy
yes you can submit urself. Hmm..i heard from someone its abt 4-6mths. I think u can view da baby in singapore. Need not travel there to do viewing.

 

[vickysmommy]

Hi Lyn, "Our Very Own" was just launched in Dec so there should be quite a lot more copies

I didn't manage to watch "Get Real" too and wonder how did they portray adoption. Must check on xinmsn to playback.

Mrs Chou: your info on how your Finnish friends journey with their children somewhat makes our process here seem almost like a walk in the park. I thank God even more!

dimpyteddy: download the HSR and submit it as best you can.

Mrs ha: I'm glad to hear things are moving for you.

 

[vickysmommy]

For those of you waiting for your babies; if you want to start reading, I'd recommend "What to Expect: the First Year" as it breaks down by month so you don't really hv to read the entire book but read month by month.

What other books would you recommend, Mommies?

 

[vanilla_latte]

Hey Andrea - don't bother to check on xinmsn for "Get Real!" playback cos' it is unavailable! Not anywhere on the Internet as well. I heard it from a friend but already missed all the repeat telecast. Sigh. Nevertheless, I've wrote in to CNA yesterday to ask if they will repeat telecast or at least tell me how and where I can view the episode. Am also very keen to see what they "talk about" adoption which is so close to our hearts. I will surely keep everyone posted here when they revert. I certainly hope they do.

Should anyone recorded the episode or knew how we can view it... please share! Thanks.

 

[mom_2_be]

Hi Ppl

Got an email from the HSR assessor reg the office interview to be held next week

But unfortunately he's verrry busy with his office. So, we had to reschedule for a different date.

Now that we're on the end of the loong awaited tunnel of the HSR interview, I have a couple of Qs...

a. Will they ask personal Qs like his schooling days, his financial stuffs etc., about my hubby to me & vice-versa? or do they stick to what we have written in the application form?

b. what's the most weird Q that you have come across during the interview? is there any Q the assessor asked u "off guard"? Any tips to overcome such stuffs..

c. other than caning, discipling the child, what other area do the assessor normally target?

OMG! I'm getting all kinds of bugs crawling in my tummy from this afternoon...

Need help please....

 

[angel_mummy]

Just got my hand on a copy of this book and was not able to close it until I finished it. Every stories bring tear to my eyes and a tug in my heart. http://adoption.tcs.org.sg/ourveryownbook.pdf

@Mrs Ha,
1) I dont really think there are really any "caught-us-off-guard" questions, we do get asked about the way our parents disciplining us and relate to us and how did we find it shaping our values and action today, or rather how have it shaped our perspective on parenting

2) my hubby do felt a lot of the questions are really personal and required him to go deep down to seek his views on it. But again we both felt it was good sessions for us to reflects on stuff we may not aridi know about ourselves.

3) Do remember one thing which many seniors here shared, the HSR officiers are not there to "failed" us. I dont think there are a definite right or wrong answer to many of those questions.

4)During HSR we were both rather proactive in posing a question back to the officier to ask if she does have any thought on the topic we were discussing esp since she has been in this journey w many parents before us. I think being humble to admit we are not "know-it-all" esp in the area of parenting and showing the attitude of being teachable is always something they are looking for.

The truth is one of the key characteristics of a parent is teachability ;P somehow these little Angels are God send to teach us new exciting stuff in life.

Just remember they need to go into details to protect the child who eventually become our child

U have come a long long way, CONGRATs on reaching this milestone to start HSR soon !!! Will be keeping hubby n you in our prayers !!!

 

[iwantitvmuch]

Andrea and Mrs Ha, I PM you about my views on Get Real cos I watch it. if i would to give it a rating, I think 3/5, no regrets if you miss it. But just be aware that illegal adoption is considered child trafficking. in a legalised adoption, you shouldn't need to pay any expenses to anyone at all. Hmmm, this is the hard truth but we can't be ignorant to it.

well, they also showed some shots of this forum thread. That's why it's very important what are being discussed about here. That's why I always harp on your adoption language. Don't discuss about the baby as if they are merchanises to be viewed. They are precious resources.

I'm not very good with adoption language but feels funny whenever someone mentions,'Have you got your baby?' I feel that Got is not a good word. (Vickysmommy and Mrs Chou), what would you use?

 

[die]

Mrs Ha,

Congrats on ur interview date.
Basically they will ask the same q as in the hsr so its gd to review what u wrote.

For my case they emphasized v. much on our relationship with our parents when growing up and now..n what did we learn fr our own parents marriage experience..if the assessor tries to clarify sumthing, its not that we answered inappropriately, its jus that she needs more details to write her report so do stay calm.

Also one q that kinda threw me off besides the caning issue was..what changes r we going to make reg our home environment

gd luck.

 

[babydust2]

Hi ladies,
Hope you are all well.
Die, Congrats on your little boy. Very happy for you

DO share your experiences as u go along.

I have the What to expect book as it was recommended by a friend. There is also a book called Parenting with Love and Logic that is good for parenting skills and helpful for the interviews, when asked how you would discipline your child or handle tantrums. of course there is no right or wrong answer to any of the questions, so not to worry those going thru HSR.


Another book is called Raising Adopted Children by Lois Ruskai Melina. Some ladies may have theses books already so perhaps can pass around. Mine is borrowed and has to be returned soon.

may i ask, who and where did you ladies go to for your medical check up in Spore ( Gleneagles, Mt Elizabeth or KKH) and what scans did they do?

In particular did any mothers out there go to KKH for the screening tests and what tests did they do? Which Dr did you see. I went to the KKH website but there is no information there abt who to see for adoption screening tests.... I would imagine this is more thorough than the usual newborn screen if it is a biological child as most things are screened from the parents and medical history is already known....

Any ideas?

Thanks .

 

[vanilla_latte]

Hi Babydust2 - I really don't think the check has any difference whether it is bio or adopted. For our case, we make appt to see our PD by informing them that it is for adoption medical check. After PD has examined our bb phyiscally, he only recommended us to do blood, urine and hearing test. He write a doc's letter and asked us to do tests at Mt Alvernia. Then he call us back when the results were out. PD did not recommend us to do heart/brain scan cos' he didn't think it was necessary. Mt Alvernia is good cos' there isn't any long wait. And whether bio or adopted, we have to be mentally prep that other developmental issues of the child may surface later. Even if you were to do all types of scans available now, it doesn't guarantee you it won't happen later. At best, seek 2nd opinion ie another PD if you don't want to just rely on one person's view. Hope you find my 2cents worth helps.

 

[babydust2]

Yes, very helpful .
Thanks

Open to any recommendations for doctors.

 

[mom_2_be]

Hey ppl

Our interview is on Feb 16th. all kinds of shivers are running down my spine from that time.

@angelmummy
Thanks a ton for keeping us in ur prayers

& ur valuable tips.

@iwantitvmuch
I dint get ur PM.Could you pls send it again

Hi die the newbie mummy
Glad u found sometime to write admist ur busy schedule..hows ur baby doing

thanks for sharing ur experience

@babydust2
thanks for sharing the book title. its on time for me to prepare for the HSR interview

seniors

I just wanna check whether do we need to carry with us for the interview all those books that we read through or the book that we had mentioned in the application form ("books read about adoption"), because the books I borrowed are from the regular library. So, do you suggest I carry a own copy of the book?

Bye ladies..

 

[die]

babydust,

I brought bb to Kidz clinic on 10th floor of Gleneagles medical centre. Just did a physical check and blood test. No scans done. Pd 3oo plus

 

[die]

Mrs Ha,

The assessor did not request to see any books that I read or ask for the titles even..

My bb has developed a face rash. Nappy area and neck area also prone to rash. Rash comes n goes..v frustrating..My body is getting used to being sleep-deprived but its still hard to do the night feeds n then try to coax a cranky bb back to sleep in the middle of the night ;( Really hope it gets better as bb grows older?

 

[die]

OMG My baby is going to be 3 mths old in a few days' time. He is getting so cute n responsive as each day goes by. Our dreams are so fulfilled by him..he is the apple of our eyes!

Other mummies-to-be on this journey, your day will come! Its indeed a wonderful world.

 

[mom_2_be]

Hey ppl

got a mail from the assessor that we need to go through a standard IMH screening!!!!! it was totally weird to me...Has anyone gone through such screenings?????

why just me

 

[die]

We paid $30 for IMH screening but didnt need to do anything or make a trip down. Just signed a form to give permission to check that we dun have record at IMH.Maybe u are not spore citizen dats why u need to go thru more extensive screening?

 

[mom_2_be]

@die

I couldn't sleep the whole night....the thought of me entering IMH for a screening is very taunting

I wish my 'screening' goes as good as yours

@iwantvmuch

got ur PM (part1).waiting for part 2

 

[iwantitvmuch]

mrs ha, what is part 2?? haha, u confused me.
what IMH screening?? which service centre did you go to for your HSR? I thought they can just ask IMH if they have any record of you?
abit scary. What if IMH ask you questions and you answered wrongly? Would they then think that you are ding dong??
HAHAHA, I'm kidding! i'm abit mischievous.

 

[vickysmommy]

Mrs Ha- I'm so happy to hear u hv an appt date now. I'd just say go with the flow la whatever reports they want. At least now you hv an appt date, right? It is moving. Don't worry so much ok? It's all part of the process n gotta be done. U just focus on spending time with yr hubby, family n close friends until bb comes.

Die2- wow!! Bb is almost 3 mths already? So fast!! So happy to hear it is all going well.

Hv a gd rest of the week everyone!

 

[mom_2_be]

@iwantitvmuch

I went to touch for my HSR. My country only takes Touch's HSR, that's why I went there...Its all scary

I don't know what kind of stuffs are they gonna check

(

@andrea

thanks for ur warming words. to get me out of the stress my hubby has promised me for a vacation, but again my luck

we had to postpone it, b'cos of his office works.

Ppl

what kind of guardian consent letter have you all submitted while going for HSR interview? should the guardian sign the letter or its just the adoptive parents write the letter & submitt the letter with guardian's details?

 

[iwantitvmuch]

Mrs Ha, don't worry lah. I don't think they will make things difficult for you. So Touch has changed their process?? Usually, they will just ask IMH for a report. Hmmm, let me ask Touch about that.
Treat it as an experience and tell us what goes on at IMH

 

[mom_2_be]

Sure...

I'll share what i was put through to everyone

 

[mom_2_be]

Hey the new parents & the parents-to-be

Please read & follow the instructions given in the link

http://singaporeseen.stomp.com.sg/stomp/sgseen/this_urban_jungle/543450/new_to_parenting_you_might_want_to_read_these_instructions_first.html

 

[angel_mummy]

Hi gorgeous ladies,
Dropping by to say "Gong Xi Fai Cai" with good health and blessings ! And for those of us awaiting for our Bundle of Joy, May you be blessed with your heart's desires this coming year

Cheers

Mrs Ha, "Great" instructions hahaha...good sense of humour, with that you are all ready to be a parents

We need to laugh at ourselves at times haha

 

[mom_2_be]

hi ppl

Hope you would have enjoyed ur CNY celebrations

Today, I summed up all my mighty strength in me to call IMH to check about the "standard screening" package... To my surprise, they told me....there's no such package

..hehehehe

Don't know, what I'm gonna be put through next week....

 

[invictus]

Hi mrs ha, not to worry .. I believe what they meant by screenIng is that the agency will write in to IMH to ask whether the couple has any prior records with IMH. It's not likely to be an actual examination by their medical staff

 

[lady1978]

Mrs ha, shld be nonthing very tedious. Shld be juz some questions to make sure u r suffering any mental illnesses.

Hi invictus, long time hvnt hear from u. How's things at ur side?

 

[yuli]

Hi Mrs Ha, I completed my hsr in 2009 n if I remember correctly, yr assesor will contact imh on yr behalf 2 c if u hv any records with them, that's all. There wasn't a trip 2 imh nor were there any interview/qns by imh officers. Dun worry ok? All the best as u journey towards yr waiting child

 

[mom_2_be]

hi ladies

Yahoooooo! the assessor called me to inform about the "IMH screening"

As per her, its just a couple of forms that we need to sign & pay $32.10 & they would forward those papers to IMH to verify about the us...whether we had any consultation with them.

thanks to all wonderful ladies who made me comfortable about the topic.

 

[invictus]

hi lyn, everything's wonderful

baby has been with us since late last year and we couldn't be happier .. parenthood is fantastic and baby is thriving with all the love and attention from everyone around her

mrs ha, now you can rest more easy

actually, you can email the assessor with any queries you have along the way. This way you can put your mind at ease. The assessors understand the anxieties applicants have so I am very sure they will not mind

dear mommies and daddies-to-be, the anxiety and the worry and the long wait will be worth it .. the joy when baby chooses you to be her parents will overshadow them. I believe that "sometimes God delays the answer to our prayers so as to enlarge our capacity to receive". We become much more involved-parents, and are aware that it is in fact a special privelege to be a mother or a father, as we have travelled the longer road

 

[die]

Hi Invictus,

Glad to hear ur update. Me too enjoying motherhood now. Cheers!

Mummies-to-be, jiayou!

 

[invictus]

hi die

have not taken the opportunity to congratulate you yet! Betcha can't wait to get home from work each day to see your little one

 

[lady1978]

Hi invictus, happy to know that u n ur wife is a proud parents n enjoying parenthood now! Is a prince or a princess?

 

[mom_2_be]

Hey Priya,

where r u? how is ur HSR coming up? what's the update /

Hi ppl

Quite excited about tomorrow's interview

Keep u posted after the interview

 

[die]

Mrs Ha,

Gd luck! Yahoo One step closer!

 

[invictus]

hey lyn, she's the cutest little princess who is the apple of her daddy's and mummy's eyes

Mrs Ha, all the best for the interview tmr!

 

[angel_mummy]

Hi all, TAS is holding this workshop "The 3As of Adoptive Parenting" coming 24 Feb (Thur) check it out

http://www.touch.org.sg/files/whatsnew/events_workshop_tas_2011_02_24.pdf

@invictus, totally understd what u mean by cant to get back home from work to see her daily ;P

Mrs Ha, Jia You Jia You !!!

 

[mom_2_be]

Hi ladies

Yahoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The interview went on very well. the assessor made us feel very comfortable. she was very sweet & understanding.

We were able to get through the "discipling" of the baby section, quite comfortably. Thanks

to one of the ladies who had posted a tip to read through the book..."parenting with love & logic" (got the book from our regular library)...wonderful book that helped me to pass through the HSR Qs...

We're getting the home visit on 1st March.

thanks to all very wonderful souls who prayed for us...thanks again

 

[mom_2_be]

Hi ladies

Why is the thread so silent??????????????

 

[lady1978]

Hi ladies n mrs ha, yes the thread is so quite!!!

 

[mom_2_be]

Hi ladies

ladies, I'm having home visit next week. Any tips for getting through it

Just got a few doubts. I'm sure for ladies who had just finished the adoption process, would be able to guide me on this.

a. After we had identified the baby, normally what is the timeline for us to obtain the final adoption order from court?

b. After the dependent pass is issued to the baby, has anyone taken the baby overseas? was there any problems if you had taken baby out?

thanks for the help

 

[nic_dol]

HI Mrs ha and all the ladies,

it's been a while since i logged in as i was really tied up with my little gal. Honestly speaking, she was really a handful for me to take care of all by myself and on top of that having to do all the household chores and cook.

I didn't want to come here and complain so much and made mothers to be here feel stress jsut bcos I am not coping well.

Moreover, I also don't feel good complaining all the time about my gal. If she knows abt it when she grows up, she will not like it too, i think. Hence, I have also been busy surfing the net looking for solutions and asking for my sisters for help.

However, I have been following the thread and am glad to hear so many good news. Esp Mrs ha, who has come to almost the stage of seeing her baby, congrats. I did not adopt my gal from overseas but we have a close fren who did, so i will try to answer ur qns.

a. i think she took abt 7 or 8 mths to finally get her baby's birth cert + passport.

b. She didn't bring her baby out of s'pore till they got the final birth cert + passport as they worry there may be problems.

 

[die]

Hi everyone,

Sorry I havent been checking in. Baby Ace is turning 4 mths old in 5 days' time. Last week I discovered an ectopic pregnancy and had to
undergo emergency surgery to remove the left fallopian tube! Although was an unplanned accident, still sad because it was a live 5 weeks pregnancy with a heartbeat but in the fallopian tube ;( Hubby and I were not trying to get preggy and definetly not in the future too! On top of this ectopic pregnancy, I have had 4 d&c miscarriages and at least 4 more natural miscarriages including one from ivf. This cant happen again! I need to stay alive and preserve my health for my baby Ace! This is the final straw to us that we will never have a biological child. We may or may not adopt a baby girl in a few years' time depending on our finances and how we are coping. It doesnt matter anymore. Nothing else matters because Ace has fulfilled our dream and desire and our family is complete with him.

As it was a major surgery, I am now on 33 days hospitalization leave after taking my one month adoption leave! Do you think I may lose my job? I have been with the company for 16 mths and was promoted from teacher to supervisor just 3 mths ago. I really hope not cuz its a great job with good pay and a good boss. I plan to take all the 33 days hospitalization leave to maximize my bonding time with Baby Ace. Guess I got to work harder after that when I return! Hope boss doesnt fire me before my return! Come to think of it, its not too bad rite, since other mummies get 4 mths maternity leave lei..

Mrs Ha,
a. Baby Ace came home on 30th December 2010. We got the dependent pass on 1st Feb 2011. Final adoption order court hearing is on 4th March. Before that we will have an mcys home visit. After the adoption order is passed can apply citizenship alrdy.

b. Agent advised us not to bring baby to Malaysia even though has dependent pass because the malaysian side may create trouble for us and question us as to why 2 singaporean parents bringing a malaysian baby across the border etc.maybe they want kopi money etc. so to avoid trouble we will not travel until bb has spore citizenship and passport. cant wait though..feels like i need a holiday! can maid with work permit travel with us?

 

[mom_2_be]

Hey die

That really sounds like baby Ace is really filling in ur time

Don't worry.... for ur good heart, everything will happen good to you.

Pls take care of ur health for Baby Ace

Regarding ur job, I'm sure ur boss will know, how good & dedicated u r in ur job

Don't worry, she won't fire u

ok. got ur advice on taking baby overseas. Since I have to go visit my people in May, I believe I'll be bringing my baby home only after my visit.

 

[nic_dol]

Hi die,

sorry to hear abt ur ectopic pregnancy, u take good care of your health 1st b4 u start worrying about the rest cos it's with good health then u can take care of Ace and ur job, rite.

 

[die]

Thanks Mrs Ha and Nicole
Im feeling much better now. Yesterday even popped into the office to get my paycheck and settle some administrative work. I offered to return to work but my boss insisted that I finish all my hospital leave since it has overlapped with my adoption leave anyway. Such a great boss right. I told her to call me if she really needs me to return earlier.

Kind of a blessing in disguise. I can bond with Baby Ace for another full month! I am enjoying him so so much. He is so fun and cute!

 

[plee]

Hi everyone, sorry I've been out of touch, been busy moving. I'm now living in Moscow.

Die - do take care. Btw, your bub and mine is about the same age. Very chatty now right?

 

[die]

Hi Percy,

Is it always cold in Moscow? How long r u goin to be there for? Yup Ace is very chatty now and likes to blow bubbles. I have started him on Frisocreme rice cereal. One scoop to spoonfeed for lunch and one scoop added into his last milk feed at night before bedtime.