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Child Adoption

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by vmom, Nov 17, 2006.

  1. vmom

    vmom New Member

    I am planning on a child adoption as my DD is already 6 n i have not conceive since... n whenever i c my DD playing n talking to herself.. my tears rolls... my DH n i had decided to adopt a baby girl... we hinted to my DD abt it n she is excited abt it too n keep on asking when will her little sister come?

    I will not go to MCYS as another relative had been in the queue for more than 10yrs!!!

    I had relative in Indonesia. We will get her to keep a lookout for us. we asked her whether this will be difficult. She gave a firm NOT AT ALL!!! A LOT!!! cos those ppl r poor n cant efford to hv so many children... We even told her that we wanted a fair healthy chinese baby girl which is born in the year of pig. my mom told me the chinese in their village is very fair... yeah.. cos my relative whole family are fair!!!

    Now, i need advise on:

    1) once i found the baby girl thru my own channel... how do i go abt doing legal papers?

    2) Do i still hv to register with MCYS for adoption record purpose?

    2) what will they put on the BC for place of birth? eg. KKH

    3) where to get a health book for this baby?

    TQ
     


  2. vmom

    vmom New Member

    Added questions:

    1) Any valid or expiry date for the HSR?
    2) When will i need to get a HSR?
    3) can we example.. do the HSR now (cos i know we need to wait for abt 5wks for it to be ready!)
     
  3. liztan

    liztan Member

    Dear VMom

    I have an adopted daughter myself, now 3 years old, also from indonesia. Would be great if you are willing to keep in touch after you adopted, coz' I would really like my gal to know someone who is adopted like her, so that she wouldn't feel she is so alone.


    I'll try to answer your questions, but I adopted through agency:

    1)& 2) go to MCYS website, there is a very detailed procedure (i find it really comprehensive) as to how to go about adopting through various channels. Legal papers, just get a lawyer yourself.

    3)place of birth: indonesia

    4)I brought my baby for a health checkup to ensure she's healthy as recommended by agency. we went to a clinic in Mt Alvernia, so now she has a health book from Mt Alvernia, just like her younger sister, who is my natural child.

    sorry, can't answer the home study report part, coz' i really can't remember doing that, except going down to MCYS for an interview with the officers.

    all the best!
     
    Tessbaby8 likes this.
  4. vmom

    vmom New Member

    Hi Lis,

    I did not think that u will be the one to reply me... i read fm another adoption thread abt ur adopted girl n know that she is in "safe" hands plus having a lovingly environment!!! You r not in singapore now right? can u send me a photo of her NOW n Then(when u adopted her)? i m curious... as most fm previous thread commented that she looks singaporean!! I PM u my email add.

    Thks for answering my doubts. I read through the previous thread but did not find the answer to my questions so i started another thread.

    no problem if i adopt i will keep in touch with u. I wanted my adopt girl to make fren to someone who is adopted like her too! I added to my relative that my DH n i dont mind to adopt a twin girl or twin boy n girl but no twin boy... cos my main purpose of adopting is we wanted a companion for my DD... n my DD wanted a litle sister badly...

    so that means i can go up to MCYS website to check for adoption informations? i hope they r informative to me too!!!
     
  5. vmom

    vmom New Member

    Hi Lis,

    I would like to share with you. My aunt(now i know SHE is suppose to be my aunt!=P) fm indonesia called my mom just now, telling us that there will be a newborn girl and boy available for adoption, who will be borne in Jan2007!!!

    But after asking my mom what r my DH, DD n mine chinese horoscopes. My aunt said the newborns r not suitable for us as they will "Xiang-Cong" with 3 of us. She advised us to wait for 2007 after chinese new year's "little piggie" who will be good for 3 of us. I didn't know there r such believes too!! Anyway, i know my aunt is doing us good!!!
     
    Angel_Grape likes this.
  6. vmom

    vmom New Member

    Lis, to add. i had checked up the MCYS website.

    Thks, i find them informative too!!! First, we will do a HSR after my DH comes back fm his business trip. As HSR takes abt 5wks to be ready, n my aunt's side is like a lots of available babies!!! i think we hv to do it first!
     
  7. liztan

    liztan Member

    Hi VMom

    sorry for not replying your pm. just found out i am pregnant when i'm suppose to start work on a new job in a few days time...now very troubled...

    Glad that your adoption process is going on well. Ya, I think you are right to get the HSR ready first. You are lucky to have a resourceful aunt. At least next time your DD/DS want to find his/her natural parents, there will be some traces. I think this is important for the child.
    As for my girl's photo, pls give me some time to look for it, coz' my hubby took our shared labtop with all the digital photos with him overseas.

    take care, and all the best!!
     
  8. vmom

    vmom New Member

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! Lis, y r u troubled? Yr adopted daughter is indeed very lucky, to have bring herself 2 sisters!! it's a GREAT news!!! i started my previous job when i m pregnant too!! maybe u would like to let ur boss know abt it!

    check this thread often pls... seems like no others r in the same situation like me... sigh...

    Lis, do all ur relatives, be it ur DH's side or yours know abt ur adopted DD? how do u tell them abt it? I told my aunt who is very close to me, that my DH n i had decided to adopt a baby girl. she knows n understands our reason. i told her that, i hope others in the family will accept n love her as they love my DD... i can't imagine i m actually weeping when i told her abt it!!! She give me her blessings too!

    i m glad that my parent, elder brothers n sisters r very supportive abt it. i m just worry abt my DH's side as some of them r realistic! anyway, i already prepared that they will "look down" on her! But lucky, i can be sure that she will get the same fair share of love as my DD when she's in my family!!!
     
  9. liztan

    liztan Member

    hm...be prepared, adoptive parents are very alone in this forum. If you have read the other thread on "adoption", you will find that many mummies are contemplating to adopt, but so far none I know have actually adopted. My husband childhood friend also adopted an indo gal, but they don't like to talk much about it and they don't intend to tell their dd till she's 18 (she has to decide which citizenship she wants).

    I'm lucky, only my father objected in the first place, but not that strongly. others warned me about health related problems etc. but none really voiced out outwardly against the idea.I was most suprised when my husband's ah mah welcome my DD with open arms though she knew she is not our natural child (my hubby is the only grandson,sori loh, no one to pass down the line.)

    Do get yourself prepared. occasionally, feiyue or Touch organised adoption talks. I watched the adoption series on Hallmark, which is really helpful as it prepares me for emotional matters DD might be going through and how adoptive parents can react.

    Keep me update!
     
  10. vmom

    vmom New Member

    Lis, i agreed... actually when i started this thread i hope u will reply too! n i m bless too!! haha... true that we r quite alone here... i believe like u said most ppl do not wish to talk abt it further. i think if my adopted DD came i will hv to meet up with u... i hv alot to learn fm u!!

    after reading fm ur previous thread, i told my DH that we shall tell her that she is adopted fm young, hope that when she grows up, she will still choose to stay with us..( i think, i think too far liao!!) When will my ADD gets her Spore Citizenship?

    i watch the adoption series fm hallmark too! i m surprise that their whole family r actually FULLY SUPPORTING the adopted parent!!! both the family members n the adopted parent cried when they saw the babies!! i cried too!!! i m so touch, very touch indeed!!!

    as we can c when u r out in singapore, some westerners r holding or even feeding those children, who obviously r not theirs!! they r really patient n show love n concerns toward them!! i feel ashamed that we asians r still conservative over this adoption matters!!

    My DH n i told ourselves, our DD needs a companion whereas those babies need a home, better food/nutritions or even a better education which we can afford to give them. They will live better with us, than to end up on the street/roadside, or worse being killed or stuff inside a toilet bowl!!! we r indeed choosing a very nobel path!!

    i will drag my DH to attend those adoption talks, we can attend them even if we do not adopt fm them right?

    Wow!! even ur DH's grandmother "welcome" ur ADD(Adopted DD)!! the rest of the family cant say anymore!! hahaha... nw that u r pregnant again.. i think most of ur family members will think that ur ADD is the lucky charm for both u n ur DH!!!

    Take great care! dont think negative abt ur pregnancy affecting ur new job! ur baby will be with u forever, not ur job!! remember, u r bless!!!
     
  11. jnjlim

    jnjlim New Member

    hm... what is the chances of anyone wanting to adopt a 18month old local CHinese girl?
     
  12. vmom

    vmom New Member

    Jolene, most ppl would very much wanted to adopt an infant as they shall be easier to "teach" but i believe there r ppl out there who r dying to adopt her too!!
     
  13. curl

    curl Member

    Hi Jolene

    May I know the reason that she is put up for adoption?
     
  14. samval

    samval New Member

    dear Vmom,
    can your friend in indonesia help to lookout for a toddler? hubby and in are ineterested to adopt a toddler around 2-3 years of age. thanks.

    dear jolene,
    can you pm me more details of the 18 month old baby? thanks.
     
  15. vmom

    vmom New Member

    Samval,
    jus to highlight to u that, both of u will need to spend more time n efforts on the toddler, compared to an infant. since he/she has already know who is his/her parents...

    i will inform my aunt in indonesia to keep a lookout for u...
     
  16. lotr

    lotr Member

    hi,do you have local babies for adoption. going thru overseas seems abit difficult.
     
  17. jnjlim

    jnjlim New Member

    Hi, this 18 month old girl is born to a single mother who is not married.

    Due to financial difficulties and lots of other problems like caregiver, the mother is contemplating giving her up for adoption.

    Anyone interested, please PM me
     
  18. helena

    helena New Member

    Jolene,
    One of my friends is looking at adopting a girl. Does she need to show IVF-related stuff to the authorities?
    Can you pm me the details too?
    Thanks.
     
  19. samval

    samval New Member

    jolene,
    i've pmed u
     
    RayGooh likes this.
  20. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    my situation is exactly the same like Vmom!!! i got my aunt to keep a lookout for me in indonesia too! seems like indon hv quite a number of children for adoption. i wanted a piggie bb too! hahaha...

    i m nw struggling thru the filling up of the HSR form which consist of 22 pages(best part is my PC crash so i need to fill them up all over again!!) n to gather all the necessary documents which needed when submitting the HSR.

    the process is really tough! i finally understand y some ppl r tempted to adopt but few of them actually take action!!

    Lis, i hope to keep in contact with u too when my adopted bb is here. Thks!
     
  21. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    i just called SBL today to check on the necessary documents to be produced together with the HSR application... WOW!! i should say its tough! so many documents to be prepared n so many forms to be filled up... i can tolerate these but i need to get a medical report fm my gynae, n the best/worse part is i can only c her in Feb07.... OMG!!! i shall hv to call now n then to check whether there r any slots which others cancel n they can fit me in..
     
  22. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    i just called SBL today to check on the necessary documents to be produced together with the HSR application... WOW!! i should say its tough! so many documents to be prepared n so many forms to be filled up... i can tolerate these but i need to get a medical report fm my gynae, n the best/worse part is i can only c her in Feb07.... OMG!!! i shall hv to call now n then to check whether there r any slots which others cancel n they can fit me in..
     
  23. silver_dolphin

    silver_dolphin New Member

    Hi folks, I am also in the process of adopting a baby from China although if there is any lobang for local babies, we don't mind too. Please keep me in the loop!
     
  24. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    Hi Clare,
    hv u done ur HSR? which agency u go thru? only touch n fei yue can bring in china babies right?

    i m doing it thru my own channel so can i ask u qns if i dont know? what other forms hv u fill up? i m so blur as too what forms to fill up???
     
  25. liztan

    liztan Member

    wow,never expect this thread to be so alive!! Started a thread some time ago, but no one is certain whether to adopt or not. Now this is real different!

    babies from china will take a long time rite? My ex-collegue adopted from china. The first time he saw baby was very tiny when baby is finally able to come over, already 9months and looks totally different!

    hey, i really can't remember doing much for the HSR, maybe my time need less paper work?

    anyway, good luck gals! My dd is coming 4 this March! And finally she sort of understand she really has 2 papa and 2 mamas.
     
  26. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    Oh Lis! u r back! saw previous posting that u r pregnant!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! i saw ur posting fm another thread too!!! How r u nw? feeling better?

    i m blessed too! i had almost done my 22 pages HSR in my PC n it CRASH!!! BUT the IT expert of my hse(my elder brother) helped me retrieve those files.... i really wanted to kiss him just nw!! hahaha..... so happy!!

    Lis,
    u r lucky that ur time do not hv to do HSR!!! if i know earlier that i hv difficulity conceiving, i should hv adopt 1 earlier.. so the age gap fm my DD to this bb wont b too many years... but my DD is still waiting patiently for little sister to arrive...
     
  27. liztan

    liztan Member

    hi VQ
    thanks, i'm still struggling with preggy discomfort, really xian. Also constantly worrying about how's my bb's growing due to bad miscarriages experience.

    I also need to provide letters to MCYS for adoption, but not from gynae, rather it's from 2 friends who can "testify" my hubby and I can be good parents. Also, i adopt through agency, so they took care of some of the paper work too, like advising us how to write our side of letter, stating our desire to adopt blah blah blah.
    so are u planning to adopt internationally? if so, from where?
     
  28. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    Hi Lis,

    2 friends to 'testify'? i guess they r reference letters... we need it too n it's 2 reference ltrs each for both my DH n me! so there will b 4 ltrs!!!

    i will be adopting fm indonesia. same as u n Vmom. i will be adopting 1 of my aunt's friend's friend's neighbour's DD.. WOW! that's close!! hahah....

    do u think i shall bring my adopted DD back to her hometown like once a year or twice? do i need to still contact them? i do intend to tell my adopted DD abt her identity too...
     
  29. liztan

    liztan Member

    hi VQ
    personally, i think once a year is too frequent. Do u know what's the reason the natural parents are giving up the baby? Are u prepare for the heartbreak if they want the baby back after a few years? Keeping in contact with the natural parents will be good, but letting your baby will keep in close contact with them really depends on how the natural parents are like.
    I've started tellling my dd that she is adopted (in different phrasing of course, frankly, i also don't want my maid to know in case she treats my gals differently), and will let her go if she plans to return to her natural parents when she reaches 18 (the year which she has to decide to keep her singapore citizenship or go back to indonesia), but for the time being, I don't think i want her to meet her natural parents.
    Just my very personal thoughts.
     
  30. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    Hi Lis,
    Thks for replying. i didn't know whether i should let my ADD visit her natural parent actually. that's y i m asking... but i agreed n will listen to ur advise.. Thks!

    i ever asked my DH abt what if 1 day our ADD wanted to return to her natural parent? guess what my DH said: she wont!! cos i m going to love her like nobody business then i kick her also she wont leave!! hahaha... this is a joke... but he said later: let it be! we r doing a good deed nw by saving her fm being abandon or starving. if we wouldn't let her go when she wanted to, we will be committing a sin for wanting to separate them... i m so touch when my DH said that! i agree with him too!!
     
  31. lauramok

    lauramok Member

    Hi mummy,

    my friend has been asking me how much money is needed for adopting a baby girl, anyone can advise me?
     
  32. liztan

    liztan Member

    hi VQ
    that's very touching! When i first heard my ex-colleague said the same thing (if she wants to go back to her natural parents, so be it!), I almost cried. I think I'm not so brave, and I think i'll have a hard time when the time comes.
     
  33. liztan

    liztan Member

    hi Laura
    tried to pm u, but you don't accept pm.
     
  34. lauramok

    lauramok Member

    Hi lis,

    Pls try to PM me again.
     
  35. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    <font color="aa00aa">Lis,</font>
    i agree with u. this thread is really very quiet. My aunt in indonesia bring me good news that there will be 3 or 4 newborn in apr/may for adoption. my DH n i r so happy... of cos my DD too... she is overjoy!!! hehhee.....

    But my aunt said she will go checkout those parents background n reasons for giving up their girls for adoption. then she will get back to us... so when they r born in april, i will be busy travelling there to pick my ADD... DH n i r happy too!!
     
  36. qry

    qry New Member

    Hi..All

    I'm new to this forum and really excited with the information sharing that i am getting from all.
    We have plans to embark on foreign adoption too.
    I have contacted MCYS and the first step is to apply for the HSR.
    I do agree the 22 pages of question is a real killer..but nothing comes easy.

    Our plans is to adopt from either Indonesia or Malaysia.
    Howevery I do have a question, can we just bring the child in to Singapore or do we need some clearance from the country where the child is born.
    Anyone has any experience on this.
     
  37. shasha

    shasha New Member

    Maz,

    I am just wondering, are the questions very personal and lenghty.. We are planning to adopt soon, too
     
  38. kathng

    kathng New Member

    Hi Folks, asking this on behalf of a friend:

    Anyone out there keen to be god parents to a 20 month old girl from a single parent family?

    The mother is out working all the time, and the girl is always alone.
    She would like to the child to have a family environment feel.
    And also to have the right values and upbringing.
     
  39. kathng

    kathng New Member

    btw, if any of you need legal advice regarding adoption process and to do actual proceedings can contact me [​IMG]
    Can get my partner to do that for you at a discount [​IMG]
     
    Angel_Grape likes this.
  40. shasha

    shasha New Member

    Thanks Kat, that's nice to know. Now , I can be sure that I have lobang for the legal aspects.
     
  41. liztan

    liztan Member

    hi VQ
    I'm excited for you too! Good luck n keep us updated!!
     
  42. kathng

    kathng New Member

    No worries [​IMG]
    Good luck in your search for a suitable baby [​IMG]
     
  43. qry

    qry New Member

    Hi..Shasha..
    Apologies..for the late reply..it has been a hectic week..

    The questions are quite personal.
    You could view samples of the HSR from the following site:-
    http://www.sblvisionfsc.org.sg/downloads.php

    This agency is one of the accredited agencies which could asses and approve the HSR.

    I am still waiting for my gynaes report as it is one of the items which need to be submitted.

    Adopting is a long journey and process but I think for our desire to be parents..Well be able to overcome the challenges.

    Anytime, you need to talk or chat..just PM me [​IMG]

    I myself was actually very clueless when I first started..and found it hard to find an avenue on the countless of questions which I had.
    Luckily I found this forum and also other couples who are embarking on the same journey.

    Good luck to all!!
     
  44. sasha4real

    sasha4real Member

    hi all,

    i am in the process of adopting a singaporean child but am a bit confused what has been posted wt regards to the postings in the thread.

    1. i dont seem to recall having to fill up the 22page HSR forms

    2. called up MCYS earlier before beginning process & was told to ctc a lawyer's office to assist wt application & court proceedings

    3. how many references do we need? so far i was told 2 by a close friend who knows both me & hubby. someone had stated she needed 4

    4. was told both HB & i needed to go for health check-up. can we go to our GP or do i need the report specifically frm my gynae?

    5. i also hv to go for interview at MCYS. can anybody share on the duration of the interview & what to look out for?

    6. what abt the home visit?

    appreciate all feedback frm you. thanks in advance
     
  45. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    <font color="0077aa">sasha,</font>

    1) HSR is only needed IF u adopt a foreign baby

    2) yes heard that need to find our own lawyer

    3) we need 2 references for each applicant. that means for both u n ur DH, u need a total of 4. But saw fm another website that we can hv a reference who know both DH n myself, so we need to find another 1 for each of us.

    4) Health Checkup for both of u & a gynae report for u
     
  46. sasha4real

    sasha4real Member

    hi VQ,

    thanks for your clarifications. as said by you, the MCYS officer cfm that we only needed 2 references by friends we both know.

    as for the health check up, why wld i need a gynae report for? she told us that we can juz drop by a GP. did not mention gynae report.

    juz want to be prepared wt all the documents before the interview so feeling bit tensed up.
     
  47. vinegarqueen

    vinegarqueen New Member

    <font color="0077aa">Sasha,</font>
    i prepared my documents according to the checklist for the application of a HSR.
     
  48. catyeo

    catyeo Member

    Hi Lis,

    I have an adopted son (local) who has been with us since he was about 5 months old. He is now 2 and a half and really a joy to have, though he is getting naughtier by the day.

    I want to know how you explained to your daughter about adoption.

    How old was she when you first broached the subject?

    Do you talk about it on a regular basis? I've heard some people celebrating 'coming-home' day every year - the day when the adopted child was brought home to the new parents. Wouldn't this 'reminder' be kind of painful if the child minds his/her adoptive status?

    I've bought some books from Kinokuniya concerning this subject but haven't really got down to reading all of them. I also think real-life testimonies, especially local ones, will be more useful.

    Care to share your experiences?

    Thanks.
     
  49. liztan

    liztan Member

    hi Catherine

    I find explaining about adoption difficult.

    I learnt from my ex-collegue who also adopted, by telling my gal that she has 2 papas and 2 mamas since she was very young, I think, before she was 2. However, it takes a long time for her to understand (but not thoroughly)that 1 is overseas, the other is by her side.

    However, I talk to her when no one else is ard. I think constant reminder is painful as the child grows older, I hope to let her decide who she wants to know she's adopted, so I don't disclose her adoption to everybody, only "inevitable"ones like relatives or close frens who know i didn't get pregnant ard that time.

    do share with us if you find something useful in the books you read. support group for parents who adopt is relatively small, as i know it's still a taboo to adopt in our society.
     
  50. catyeo

    catyeo Member

    Hi Lis,

    I disagree with you and some of the others that adoption is 'taboo' here. Most of us have heard of somebody's friend or colleague who has adopted, and most are 'happy stories'...

    One of my sisters adopted a girl and a boy, many years apart and my bro-in-law has an adopted son. So between the 2 extended families, we have 4 adopted children!

    There is no need to be secretive as it may affect the child emotionally. There is no need to tell everyone either. Tell friends and relatives and neighbours. No need to tell those people you meet casually at the market or playground. One more 'problem' that I did not anticipate (besides the big one of how to explain 'adoption' to my son) was how other family members should explain to their own kids about this new relative. I realized this when my sis asked me how she should explain it to her daughter... so not only should you prepare yourself, you should prepare your family too.

    When we first brought our son home, we introduced him to most of our neighbours (we live in a small private estate)... he was an instant hit with them and continues to be... everyone seems to be tracking his progress... 'how big he has grown'... we feel this kind of introduction as a celebration of sorts. We might have to tell his teachers at childcare soon 'cos if we start talking to him about it, he may talk about it in school too... we told/e-mailed friends that we have not met in years, people in church whom we do not really know nodded in approval when we first brought him there... I must admit I was uncomfortable at first, having an 'instant' baby when people at church, at our regular coffeeshop (and other regular places)always see only the 2, not 3 of us.

    There'll also be a problem of those one-time people that you meet (e.g. contractors, hawkers, sales people, etc) who may comment that your kid doesn't look like you... you don't have to feel bad... in fact I learnt this reply from one such person who said that my son looked like himself... so now I tell people who makes such comments that yes, my son doesn't look like me or my husband... he looks like himself! I feel most uncomfortable when people comment that he looks like me or my husband... I feel like I'm trying to make some physical association when there is none and I don't want to agree - usually I just say, 'oh, is that so?'....

    There are lots of other experiences... perhaps I'll share more if people are interested...
     

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