Child Adoption

Hi everyone! Fantastic to see so many newcomers on this thread! And also so nice to hear of the progress of some of you!

Hey Die! Glad that you’re starting on your adoption journey! I am so happy for you that the husband is so excited. It really helps and you both can fuel each other
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Strawberry susu, so glad things are moving along for you! Like you and Die, I also found the filling of the HSR really tedious. I was complaining a lot about filling it up, about how biological parents don’t have to prove why they deserve to be parents or be soooo scrutinised (cpf, iras, savings acc etc) before they become parents. BUT while filling the forms, I realise that it gave my husband and I time and opportunities to reflect and discuss issues that we may not otherwise talk about before baby comes.

Like iwantitvmuch, I’m really glad to see the thread come alive with so much buzz these days. It reminds me of when the first group of us were going through our HSRs and the waits. She’s absolutely right – stay close knitted cos you can be a support group for each other and the children can have each other for support too.

Someone asked about adopting locally. I don’t know about the status now but about a year ago while I was at your stage, I placed my names with several shelters and up till today, I haven’t heard back from them (instead I have heard back from the different agents I had enquired with) with any available child for adoption. I am told the queue for local babies is very long.

Talking about books on adoption related stuff. I agree that most books are US or UK centric. Has anyone come across any adoption books that are more asian-centric? Or come across any local blogs on adoption? What’s Andrea Yee’s book about? I have her lifebook.

Lubna, sorry to hear about the failure. I know how horrible it is.

I been meaning to join TAFNET but haven’t gotten down to filling the form and printing a photograph – wish they allowed us to just email a soft copy to them! Has anyone attended? What is it like? Do they tell you in advance what will be discussed at the mtg? Or is it like free for all, just go and discuss? Do the children go along?
 


hi yuli, the one that i've come across is titled "We Just Want You To Know" and i believe that it serves as an adoption disclosure tool. is this the same as the lifebook that you have?

dear all, i came across this poem which i wanted to share with everyone. it brought tears to my eyes with its tenderness, and at the same time the strength of a mum's resolve (unfortunately the site that i found this was not able to cite the author of this poem)

~~ LABOR OF MY HEART ~~
I would have given anything
to be the one to know
the pain of bringing you into this world
but it couldn’t be.
Though I did not bring you here
still I labored in my tears
through the long nights I prayed
you would come to me.
You are the labor of my heart Child,
you are the labor of my heart
with all my strength I prayed
till they laid you in my arms Child,
you are the labor of my heart.
Blessed be the maker
of bone of other bone.
He made flesh of my desire
and today I take you home.
You are the labor of my heart Child,
you are the labor of my heart
with all my strength I prayed
till they laid you in my arms Child,
you are the labor of my heart Child,
you are the labor of my heart.
 
Invictus,

Your poem made me cry..i've saved it to share with others later on..how touching and meaningful..tks for sharing

Tks everyone for ur positive vibes
 
Wow Times flies, I didnt notice I am so busy with my little girl I hv not come into this site for the last 2 weeks and so many updates and good news
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Today I bump into Ellebaby, her hubby and their princess at the Legal firm.

@Ellebaby, Ouwwwweee yr little princess is so cute
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Now that i got yr number and we are both living in the West. Will definitely arrange to catch up
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@BlesswBB (confuse), sorry for late reply do send a email to Ms Teo YuXian ([email protected]) from Fei Yue, she can assist you in the registration. The group next meeting will be 2nd Sat of Aug (as 1st Sat is NDP, usual meeting is every 1st Sat of the Month)

@strawberrysusu, All the best 4 the home interview and will keep you n hubby in prayers for a smooth process and your destinated BB to come along soon
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Dont be too surprise when u have your BB pple will start commenting BB look like one of you
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In the meantime remember do rest well and stay healthy as strength and stamina are really required when yr BB arrived
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@die, yr hubby so cute in his response, i totally understd how u feel, as my hubby oso that kind who have little to no feeling about BB /Kids. Infact, he answers a few Fei Yue assessors qns so "factually" like "I really dont know how to answer you cos it has not happen to me"...i nearly break out in cold sweat and think gone case liao lah...but maybe becos he is a teacher, so assessor think he shld be able to handle kids. But guess what ! This ice-man just melt when our Angel come into our life, the 1st time in my life and even in his direct family members life seeing him making baby talks, carrying a BB, and start being the protective DD over his little Angel. Daddy always surprises us, their paternal love just emerge out of no where but always just in time
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@Lubna, IVF is a v tormenting journey for some of us. I did mind last yr, was conceived w twins, but have a miscarriage of my twin boys on 31 Dec 09 on the 17th week of gestation, on top of that I was hving Ante-Natal depression stared week 6 of gestation. It is definitely one of the darkest moment in my life.
I think you r doing totally the right thing to give yourself time to moan and grieve over your lost. We all deserve to be give the time as they are our children no matter in Heaven or on earth.
As for your consideration for adoption, beside checking on the cost do go for the Adoptive related workshops held by both TOUCH and Fei Yue, that can help you understand the process and most important the journey. Hubby and myself will be keeping u n hubby in our prayers
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Mrs chou, it's a wonderful coincidence to have met you too ! aww..thx u..she is my cutie angel (esp when she sleeps too!) ;P Sure, would love to catch up ! let me know.

Die, soo happy for you. You are closer to motherhood ! I can imagine your hubby face when he replied ! It is impt to have mutual support and it looks like he will !
Can't wait to hear more updates from you.

Meena, don't worry and be yourself. Like what iwantitvmuch say, they will ask you questions on what is on the HSR. It is sort of like cross-reference chk.

Lubna, I understand how you feel. It is natural to feel scared. Rest well. Do attend the adoptive workshop from Touch to understand the process.

strawberrysusu, clean up the house ! Once the home visit is done, you will get your hsr report. Your little one will be home soon.

invictus, thx u for sharing the beautiful poem. It's touches a raw part of my heart and speaks volume.

Yuli, I am also thinking of joining TAFNET but have not yet gotten the family photo. Plan to print it next week and send the form off.
I think iwantitvmuch and janella joined TAFNET but not sure how's is it.
 
Thanks for all your input. I never had to do the HSR cos mine is a local adoption, anyway, the interview was a very long one but it went okie. next is the home visit in 2 weeks time.

Do all of you here meet up for chit chat sessions?
 
@Yuli, For TAFNET sign up, I was filling up the form in my PC & copy and past a family photo on the form, print it out, sign on it and send in w the cheque. I think that is good enough for them no need to have really a photo paper print out.

btw for mummies who are interested in TAFNET, can consider signing up now as these few months are low to no activities months. This is becos they have a big group of Expat parents who usually need to travel back home for summer holiday during Jul/Aug. So if u sign up now, I believe will be just in time to join their home groups and outings which will start getting active in Q4. Hubby n I are waiting for our assignment to a home group, in the meantime we are enjoying the Fei Yue C.A.P get together w other parents once a month
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Ellebaby asked me why we join both group, well I guess it is just the way both hubby and me "operate", we agreed since long time back when we attended the TOUCH adoptive workshops, we want to learn from other parents' experiences (esp in disclosure) and provide our children a condusive environment where they grow up w oth darlings who are "Labour of our Heart" (quote from invictus shared poem). We personally believe it is part of the disclosure process
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hi all, glad that some of u have really enjoyed the poem. btw, we have just been told that our first intervew will likely be in early Sep .. *big smiles* .. we are also signing up for Fei Yue's disclosure talks scheduled for end Aug
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yuli, i just found out that the lifebook that you have from Andrea is probably the one i have been looking for. i've not had a chance to get it yet but also found out that Touch and Fei Yue both carry this title, so will be going to get a copy pretty soon.

strawberrysusu, all the best for tommorrow's home visit once again.
 
Hi everyone

It's great to see so many new faces as well as the thread being kept alive.

Strawberrysusu, Invictus, Die, congratulations for embarking on the adoption journey. I really feel so excited for you all.The paperwork can be very tedious but once you get into the momentum, you'll get used to it.

Invictus, the poem is really very moving.

Yuli, Elle, Mrs Chou, I'm in TAFNET and I've also joined their small home groups (SHG). So far, I've attend one of the SHG meetings. It was held at the leader's house. Only three couples attended out of ten. But it was quite a fruitful session. Most of the meetings will centre around disclosure.TAFNET is also organsing another talk on disclosure (12 August) which is a continuation of the first one. I would love to attend but can't make it.

Lubna, I really feel for you. By all means, take the time to heal and adopt if both of you are very sure this is the option.As for me, I've gone through so many iui's and ivfs that i've lost count. Now I wonder why I wasted all my money and gone all through all the heartaches. My baby has brought me so much of joy that I have no desire to try and conceive ever again.
 
Hello all, I'm an adoptive mommy of 2 girls adopted locally; 5 yo & 5 mths and they are the love of our lives. The best decisions we've made in our lives : ) For those of you waiting for your angels, I know it's difficult; you just want them NOW, right? : ) Your baby will come when it's the right baby for you. Just pray for your perspective child's birthmother in the meantime.

Thank you, Invictus, for the poem & for enquiring about my book "We Just Want You to Know.. Our Journey to Becoming a Family." It is a book you can read to your little one as soon as you are ready to disclose his/her adoption. I wrote it whilst trying to formulate the best sentences to use when disclosing my girl's adoption. Realised that it all came out sounding really -ve so I started writing and refining them. I was then encouraged by a couple of friends in our support group to publish it. I've used animals & insects to represent different family types so it will be relevant to all. On majority of the pages, there are blank pages for you to paste your own notes and pictures to customise it for your child - his very own Life Book!

Please see: http://sg.******************/articles/we_just_want_you_to_know_andrea_yee

Meantime, keep this thread going - we are on this journey together : )

Have a good weekend ahead!
 
Lubna, yes I have adopted a baby girl. She is now 2 months old. I really can't gush enough about how much joy she gives us.

Andrea, welcome. Thanks for sharing with us. Is your book available at any of the local bookshops?
 
Hi Andrea, welcome ! It is great to see you joining this thread. Pls do join us often to share with us your experience and stories. I have gotten your book though I have yet to start. Thank you for writing this book.
 
Ashwin, Janella, both your sharing about the joys you have received is heartwarming.

Ashwin, i do hope the baby will find good parents to take care of her.

Andrea, it's great to meet you in this forum. Thanks again for sharing with me your experiences, and giving me such sound advice on my personal journey.
 
Thanks everyone ;)

For those of you waiting for your HSR interviews, do hang in there. Sometimes interview dates come sooner than the 5 mths the agencies hv told you. It's just that there are more applications now and perhaps not enough assessors. Apparently, all assessors must be qualified counsellors approved by MCYS and trained for some weeks before they can begin assessing families.

Once your interviews are done and out of the way, you'd be really surprised how fast your baby can come! Just met a couple last week who's baby came just 2 weeks after they completed their HSR! They had barely enough time to sneeze!

So for now, just read up, talk about how your relationship can and will change, how you'll ready yourselves for the new addition, how you'll manage your families (all grandparents might want to be involved so discuss how much involvement, etc, you'd want from all sides to remain fair), what changes you'd need to do to your current home, names, contact adoption lawyers.... or perhaps, finally just relax and go for that holiday you've been wanting to take but have had to postpone it because you don't want to disrupt your fertile periods just in case it will happen this month... see, there are lots to do! This is your 'gestation' period and hey, 5 mths is shorter than 9 mths, isn't it?
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You do have loads to do before baby comes! Enjoy your spouse's undivided company before baby comes cos, trust me, you will both be busy focussing on the little one from the day he/she comes!

Lastly, do discuss about how you are going to keep your marriage/spark alive when baby comes cos a strong marriage is what your child needs the most from now...
 
Hi everyone

Nice to see u all in good spirit. I had been out of touch from this forum because of my 2nd IVF...for some unknown reason,that cycle also failed. Giving me no other option, but to adopt a baby ASAP. But I haven't started my HSR. I should be submitting it in a couple of weeks time.

Meanwhile wanted to know, can anyone suggest a reliable adoption agency for Indian race babies? If any one of u have adopted any baby of Indian race please PM me reg ur agency,& how much was the fees?
 
Andrea, So nice to see you here ! We have met during last month TAFNET session. BTW, as promised I have Scanned your book (hope u dont mind) to my chinese friend who mentioned they can help in the translation, they have done very good translation for me in different events. But do give them sometime cos they are working parents so might take a bit more time, I hope to pass the translated copy to you soon, so that maybe in the near future couple who 1st language at home is mandarin can benefit from your beautiful book too
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PS : Don't worry, I will "destroy" the scan copy and wont be sending to anyone I promised
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I have also advise my friend to do the same after translation.
 
Thanks Andrea for ur advice.

im still waiting for that drats kk report b4 i can submit my documents..apparently they will take abt 3 wks to mail to me..hmm

i was so excited that i went out to buy a bjorn baby carrier. Then I shy..came home and hid it in the drawer hee..

we r required to furnish our bank statements in the HSR jus wondering, any idea how much 'savings' they want to see in our bank accounts? we do have some savings but not sure enough to fulfil any unspoken requirements?

Thanks for any advice. Going jogging now ;)
 
Hi Die, can fully understand the part about the baby carrier .. my wife and I were shopping for a baby carrier for one of our close friends who is expecting and after getting one for her nearly got one for ourselves as well. The only reason that we decided to wait and look around first was the fact that the one we saw was a little too small for me
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btw, is it compulsory to submit the reports from previous treatments? we did not include ours, and it did not seem to matter when the agency staff looked through our documentation.

as for savings, i heard that assessors and mcys are generally flexible on this, and i believe that as long as parents-to-be can prove that they are financially able to take care of baby should then not be a problem.

Hi andrea, focusing on preparing for baby during this period, like what you have mentioned, is proving so wonderful. we have even decided to take a holiday with our parents cos when baby comes it may be some time till we can travel
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Hi Andrea, thks for writing your book - it's such a marvelous piece of work. I had bought it a year ago, and was just working on selecting our pics to stick on now that my boy is 15 mths, then voila I saw u joining this thread. I could still remember how I had dreams of putting the lifebook together as my boy grows but busyness with my baby had taken a toll, and now you've inspired me to get it started again
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Hi Die, Baby Bjorn carrier is a good buy. I remember how my sister had given the thumbs up for it but i didn't get it as baby had come home too big for it to be fully utilised. But I know that should i have my next baby, i'll go for a Baby Bjorn too
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Reading of your journey is very rejunevating as it brings back fond memories of what my hubby n I had been through. U go gal! We're all rooting for u
 
Hi Mrs Ha

I've PMed you.

Die, I can feel your excitement! I remember being superstitious about getting baby stuff b4 baby's arrival. But when the time came, I only had 2 days to get all the stuff. So if you are not superstitious, it's a good idea to get some baby stuff now.
 
Nice to see all of you being so supportive here
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Andrea, we have not gotten your book yet but we looked through it and I must say your choice of words is really beautiful and well thought through! Thanks for sharing it with us.

For those who are waiting, we know how hard this period is, most of all because we feel that there's not much we can do that's within our control. It's great that Invictus is gg on holiday with your parents! We should do all the things that may not be so easy to do once the baby comes.

I was reading in Patricia Johnstone's book about what is termed "adoptive expectancy" - it's basically how we as adoptive parents won't have the nine months to prepare for the baby, but we should also begin to slowly prepare for the eventuality that we will be parents one day soon
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so don't feel bad about buying a few baby things here and there! We all have that excitement
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On a personal note, although things are still tentative, God has provided a baby boy for us, locally born. We are waiting for the papers to be signed this week. It has really been evidence that God provides! Will share more updates soon.

An agent in the meantime found another baby boy for us, but we are probably not adopting him as the other one is available. Do let me know if you know anyone who is looking, it's a 2 week old cute & chubby little boy.
 
firstly, i've to tk invictus for highlighting this thread to me. i had started a thread in 06 for couples facing infertility but hvn't really had time to revisit after my #1 got more and more active as babies do. I'm so glad Invictus is taking a holiday before baby comes cos yes, it will never be the same again... in a good way, of course! Hols with kids are often slower and expect to cover a lot less! I was stuck at playgrounds when I took #1 away last year, instead of prowling the shops!

die2, don't worry so much abt the $avings - there isn't a particular amount the assessors are looking for, i believe, as i know there are families with less than S$1500 monthly salary adopting. i think it's more the willingness to bring up a child in a loving environment than affording a child. I agree with strawberrysusu - buying stuff for the baby now is ok cos after the HSR, baby can come with extremely short notice - just like my #2 which was 24 hrs. I think we also deserve to enjoy the shopping as much as biologically expectant parents do.

We, too, use the Baby Bjorn - love it. Another brand which is popular is Ergo, where baby sits on your hips.

Mummyportia, thank you so much for buying my book. Your comments truly touched me too - this book is very close to my heart. I hope your angel is enjoying it.

Strawberrysusu, congratulations to you & yr hubby on the arrival of your baby boy! It is soooo exciting I'm having goosebumps now! Wonderful news! Have you washed all the clothes? Remember to sterilise the bottles the moment you leave home to take him home. You are absolutely right, God does provide albeit sometimes not in the form we want but we have to trust that He knows what's best for us. As parents to both our girls, we really don't want them any other way. Pls discuss with yr hubby on what will go into your baby's 'press release'; my advise is as little as possible. Go on 1) where is he born, 2) his weight, height, 3) from large family or unexpected pregnancy (optional). Don't need to say more cos info will spread esp if it is "interesting" to kaypohs (even within the family) and you don't want it to come back to your baby, when he's older, in a negative form. If ppl ask how much, just say "legal & hospitalisation fees like any other births" and leave it. If they persist, ask if they are interested in adopting. Asking how much is a very S'porean thing so don't take too much offence. Other than this, just enjoy your last nites of good FULL sleep haha : ) and enjoy your baby when he comes home!
 
Tks Mrs Chou,

I will be attending that workshop. Have already sent in the chq last wk. If any of u see a plump girl with long hair and a muscular dark blond hair man, that will be me n hubby..hee actually we look better than it sounds in words la..

wonder if that is considered the compulsory disclosure wkshop adotive parents need to attend? Hope i didnt sign up 4 the wrong one..

Waa dis week my hubby clear up all his junk in the hse he say need to make hse look more homely n not look like warehouse..n he say looking forward to having a maid in the house again when bb arrives so we can relax no hse work to do..seems like hes doing some nesting ..n we haven even submit hsr yet!! ;) positive signs of involvement yes?? i so proud of my tall dark muscle man showing his tender side
 
Hi everyone,
I stimbled upon this forum by accident and pleasantly surprised that adoption is an option more popular than I expected, especially in Singapore with lots of traditional asian ideas.

I am really happy to read about the successful adoptions tories.

I have been thinking of adopting 3 years ago but I dropped the idea later as I was told that it is applicable only for married couples. Yes, thats right, I am single, in my 40s and although I want to have a child, I dont want to rush into marriage just for that reason.

Does anyone knows anything about singles adopting successfully , be it foreign or local babies?
Thanks
 
Hi,

I have read an online testimonial on a child adoption website of a local single mother who adopted 2 girls. I think its possible. Do find out more. Gd Luck!
 
Hi Lubna, i really feel for u and at the same time i was tearing too coz like u i also failed my first ivf in april this year..That was really a nightmare coz its juz so disappointment to receive the BFN! I was trying to escape from reality from may till now but i know its time for me to make a decision in order to make my family a complete one. I m not completely ready to go into adoption coz i know this is rather big step to take and hubby is not into it yet too... but on the other hand when i see babies i have to urge to have a baby in my arms soon... So perhaps we really need some more time to decide.

Janella, i m very touched that u r so much happier now that u have adopted and u r proud mummy now!

Invictus, how i hope my hubby is like u so supportive of adoption. Care to share with me wat makes u wanna adoption in a mens' point of view? TIA...

Ladies, i m very happy that this thread is coming alive again...
 
Hi Lynn

Sorry I dun know where i have read it already..it was some time ago when i was surfing for child adoption agencies but as far as i know criteria and guidelines published on Touch aND MCYS website for adoptive parents didnt state married couple as a criteria.

Amy, easiest way to find out would be to call MCYS or Touch Community Services to enquire on the possibility.

Lynn,

I was on the IVF thread with u last year.I failed my IVF in June 2009. We knew then that we did not want to go the IVF route again and were very disappointed that our dream of having a biological child was dashed. At that time we did find out abt adoption and that was when i stumbled on this thread. I got back to work at a new job which took my mind off desperately wanting a baby. Over a year and more, as we went abt our day, we talked abt adoption, i shared with hubby abt wat other mummies shared on this thread etc. After a while, we both felt that it didnt matter if we couldnt have a biological child, we could still love and accept a baby into our lives and adoption was the key to our happiness.

It took a year from the failed IVF to actually downloading the HSR forms. Also, it gave us an opportunity to save up financially. Most importantly, it took us time to get over the knowledge and give up the thot of having our own biological child. For my hubby, he had to accept that our baby may not look like him and carry his genes.

For me. I have to get over the thot that life has cheated me of a pregnancy and birthing experience. That I will never get to wear maternity clothes, that my hubby will never rub my pregnant belly, that i will never feel life squirming inside my belly. That i will never know wat its like to be treated like a queen for nine mths.

That is a lot to get over for the couple and i believe that takes time. So go easy on yourself and ur hubby. Take ur time to decide wats best. During the year off, my hubby n i took 3 holidays together and we talked abt the subject alot alot alot. After a while we jus knew that was wat we destined to do and i dun look back.

Now i tell myself lucky dun have to go thru pain and disfugurement of pregnancy. Also i always had a battle with my weight so can also console myself that at least i wont put on any pregnancy weight.

Hope it helps. ;)
 
Hi die, thanks for sharing your inner most true feelings with me. Yes, its rather dishearting when i think of not able to go thru child bearing, pregnancy and also hubby touching my tummy... I still cry whenever i think of that, hubby not ready to talk abt adoption so do i. Yes, i hope time can heal all wounds and able to move on from here.

Yes, u r also right that we can count ourself lucky in the sense for some ppl pregnancy can be challenging etc viomitting 30 times daily, fatigue, pre and postnatal depression and also losing of figure.. Well, i m trying to console myself daily by thinking God have better plans for me i shall not give up and one day i be blessed with a bundle of joy in either way..
 
Yes thats rite Lynn

U need to give urselves time to grieve b4 u can move on. I was there too so i totally understand. Hugs.
 
Hi Die,
I do not think this is the mandatory workshop but do call up TAS to check. The Mandatory workshop for the adoption procedure is usually call "Disclosure Workshop" or "Pre-adoption Workshop - organised by TOUCH Adoption Services" TOUCH have one on 24 Sep (http://www.touch.org.sg/news_events). Usually Fei Yue and TAS held in alternate months
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If you have time I think would still be good to go for the one you aridi sign up, hubby and myself actually attended many workshops TAS run as we really want to hear from other adoptive parents their experiences and to use it do a self check if we are ready
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Hi there! Hope you all had a great long weekend. It's really heart warming seeing such great support amongst each other on this thread again.

@Andrea - Nice to have you here and thanks for taking time to share your journey.

@Mrs Chou - hope you are enjoying every minute of motherhood.

@Amy - Yes, I did hear about single parent adoption. Surely, it would remain challenging b4 and after adoption. However, if your heart is set to do it, am sure you can overcome all obstacles. Wish you all the best.

@Die - I could hear all your excitement about it and the way you "talked" about your hubby... am certain you both will raise a kid with good humor too. Yup... keep on smiling
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@Lyn - Give yourself and hubby time to heal. When the time is right, you both will know it esp your bio clock will also hint to you. It took me and husband 7 years to ding dong ding dong b4 we took action. Otherwise, my kid is now in primary 1 already (sigh). But we never regret it cos' it won't be the same kid anymore
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My hubby was too against adoption initially and insisted on having bio child and even suggested we try surrogacy overseas. I almost fainted so I also suggested him to marry another woman (Haha). Slowly, over the years, he became less resistance. Fast forward, I asked him recently if it still bothers him about not having bio child. He said he actually felt no difference btw bio nor adopted cos' he does not carry the child. He realized it is the nurturing and bonding process that counts. And now whenever my kid calls him "papa", he would just meltz and do anything for her. I hope this would encourage you.
 
Hi all, hope everyone's been keeping well.

Die, your exuberance and enthusiasm for your coming bb, and forever family, is absolutely infective. Your sharing on the IVF journey is so familiar. It's a tough tough journey for any couple, and I believe even more so for the wife. Sometimes, I feel that for couples going through fertility treatments, IVF can be such a cruel procedure, cos it is able to give a couple such great hope, and it is also capable of delivering such crushing disappointment. But I'm sure that many will agree that most couples have grown stronger after going through the tough journey together.

Die, another thing, as for the disclosure talk, Fei Yue has one on 26 Aug 10 @1930hrs. My wife and I are attending .. you can consider signing up for this.

Lyn, not to worry. i'm sure your hubby just needs a little more time. Maybe, depending on his comfort level, you could introduce to him some materials on adoption stories, and even share with him some of the experiences on this forum. If he likes reading, there is this book titled the Brotherhood of Joseph, written by Brooks Hansen. It talks about a couple's journey with fertility treatments, and finally adoption, from a husband's perspective. Many of the emotions in the book, especially during the treatments, resonated with me. You can get it from the library. But do stay strong in your convictions. I always tell myself that although my wife and I will not have given our soon-to-be bb the gift of life, we are certain that the love we will be providing her will be real and true
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Amy, i'm pretty certain that it's possible. Do call up MCYS to check. All the best!
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Just a random sharing: I was struggling with my spirituality some time back, and was asking God, why as "democratic" an act as childbirth was being denied to us as a couple .. someone said to me that as long as there are babies out there who are in need of love and protection, and a family, there will always be couples who aren't able to have their own bio-child. Perhaps this is but one way to look at things. Coupled with my other reflections, I then chose not to focus on the fairness or otherwise of our situation, but to believe that there is such a thing as a destiny (be it God's will or something else), and somehow that this is right for me and my wife .. and to embrace it wholeheartedly .. not sure whether i'm making any sense *haha* :p

wishing everyone a good and restful eveing ahead
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Tks Mrs Chou, I will still attend it to find out more.

Lynn, Not yet..im still compiling my HSR

Thanks SAHM, Invictus
Yup I will attend that too. ;)
As i describe earlier, u will know wat we look like oredi ;)
 
Invictus,

I jus visited Fei Yue's website n could not locate the workshop u mentioned on 26 aug.. Where can i find the brochure? Thanks ;)
 
Hi invictus, i m very touched by ur words! I myself was very against adoption in the past coz i feel i m not confidence in giving love to a child not bio mine but overy the years and also someone told me before... if everyone in this world can conceive easily then who is gtg to love a child who is abandoned by their parents.. so my thinking now is at the end of the day its all GOD's will...

SAHM, yes i also ask my hubby to look for another women coz i seriously feels unfair for him coz he deserves to be a daddy... but hubby say he feels very sad coz juz becoz we have no children i ask him to go for another women and it hurts him deeply so from then on i dare not say already.. so i m thinking since everyone in this world including me and hubby so maybe adopiton is our next avaliable option but we both need more time to think abt it coz adoption is a lifetime commitment and we have to be 100 percent responsiblity for the chid when he/she comes to our family.

M very happy to c many mommies and daddy to have a wonderful parenthood after adopting and thats gv me alot of encouragement....
 
Die, you could email [email protected], or contact Ms Christina Lau at 63666141 for the details. I actually have the brochure on softcopy but the PM function does not allow attachments. Do hope to meet up with you and ur hubby there
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Lyn, I'm sure you will grow in confidence. My wife and I are still waiting to do our first interview, but the many parents here have provided us the much needed support when we were only just silent followers of the forum. I know how ur hubby feels (and vanilla_latte's hubby too).. the lady we married is our #1 no matter what comes our way
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Mrs Chou, I'm attending the workshop on Thursday on sensitive questions, honest answer.

Andrea, I've also bought your book! I need to update the book with pictures. I'm sure my baby would love to have her own story book. If I'm not wrong, I went to a workshop which you share about your story.It was so touching and I remembering tearing. Good to have you here on the thread.

Die, hope you will complete your HSR with ease. Better to photo-copy an extra sets of documents. You will need to photocopy a few times for other prcoesses, including baby bonus. :cool:
 
Hello all,
I've been super busy lately & now #1's down with stomach flu and will be home all week - always wanting to do something - I'm so tired!! : )

Wow! This site is definitely lively - great!

Amy: In Tafnet (support group in Touch), there are a few single ladies who have adopted and are very happy. One of them has 2 girls! If it's something you really wanna do, explore it - the process, the waiting time, etc and decide. I would say go for it if you have good family support to help you with the baby/child. If not, yes, it can be tough but not impossible.

For those of you who are considering adopting: I was the more resistant one when my hubby brought it up. After all the treatment I had gone through - don't mention the weight gain! - I felt that adopting meant rendering it all futile. I was wrong. Adopting doesn't mean you stop trying. You may end up with 2 kids! Won't that be great! I'll speak for myself; after adopting, the need to experience pregnancy/baby in the belly thingy became such a small part of being a parent. Pregnancy is just 9 mths, being a parent is the whole life. I've 2 lovely girls whom I love dearly - SAHM is right, I wouldn't want it any other way now cos it wouldn't be them. Yes, I still do wonder how a biological child would look like but again, that's just a novelty to me. Nice to have but not the most important. Die2's right; take your time to grieve that conceiving may not be possible. I grieved when I had my #1 in the earlier months. Although I was elated that I finally have a child of my own in my arms, I grieved that I didn't carry her in my belly. A little funny to have both sadness & happiness interwined but it was necessary otherwise it might be difficult to bond with your adopted baby. Have you attended a Pre-Adoption Workshop to have a glimpse into what to expect? Perhaps you can do that. Amy, you too. From there, decide if it's something you want to do and when you want to begin the journey. Don't forget that the waiting time for your HSR interview is now about 5 months - that's plenty of time to change your minds.

It's funny now that I read your threads : ) I, too, asked my hubby to look for someone else who can bear him a child... phew! I feel normal now! This 'benefit' has definitely been revoked since our girls came along!

You know the pain some of us have gone through with the treatments, I'd like to highlight that even when adopting, the 'miscarriages' & 'stillborns' can still happen. 'Miscarriage' is whilst waiting for your baby to be born, birthmom/family change their minds and decide to keep the baby. 'Stillborn' is when birthmom decides to keep her baby after she delivers. I've friends who went through that and the grieving after was as painful as a failed IVF or actual miscarriage. However, they perservered and their kids now are 3 & 4 yo now - you see, it was all meant to be. You will be matched with a baby who will be YOUR baby. The disappointments we have all experienced must not be in vain. It is so that we will meet OUR OWN BABY; biological or not, he/she will just be OURS. We just sometimes gotta leave it to the forces greater than us to pave the way. Our humanness just want what we want NOW... which is what I often ask - so what is the lesson here... for somethings I'm still wondering. haha!
 
Hi all,

I'm new to this thread. Am checking up on adoption issues for a close friend who has an adopted girl in Primary 1 this year.
Have been googling for adoption support groups and so far not much luck.

Would really appreciate it very much if there are anyone who have adopted children and is/are willing to share experience/advice on the growing years of adopted children.

my email address is [email protected].

Thank you and warm regards
 
@iwantitvmuch, die, are you both at the TAS workshop today ? I dont really know who you are cos we all use nick here but if u r there Hubby n Me r rather "obvious" cos We r the only ones who bring our BB girl and yes she make some noise in between the session cos today she just got her 4th month 5-in-1 jab....so abit grouchy ;P

@Andrea, Even though I might have heard some of your sharing last month at C.A.P but it still gives me goose-pimples when I am listening to the sharing of the panel of parents (incl You) today.
Really fruitful session again for hubby and me, we discussed some of the things you guys shared while driving back
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Invictus - thanks for your sharing.. that was a good one. I guess we all struggled spiritually at some point but never lose faith cos' God's delay is not always his denial. Keep us posted on your progress... we will be cheering for you.

Lyn - You are absolutely right and it is normal to have your reservations. We went thru the same thinking process. It takes time to let it settle down. Perhaps like what Andrea suggested - go and attend the pre-adoption workshop, it really helps. In fact, on contrary, right after we've attended the pre-adoption workshop, we decided NOT to adopt cos' didn't feel right at that time but least it gives us an idea what to expect.

Dais - Both TOUCH and Fei Yue has adoption support group. Do suggest your friend to join. I think you can download form from their website and pay a nominal fee will do. They organized workshops, talks and social gathering regularly.

Am all excited and nervous about our first family holiday coming up next week. Never knew packing up for a toddler is like moving house. Hope I survive on the plane. Wish me luck
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angel_mummy, oh, you were the mom who brought the baby. Baby's cries sounded so cute. I was looking behind whenever baby made noise cos it sounded so cute, so 'manja'.
I am quite tall and was wearing a brown shirt in case you noticed. we shld have connect via vickysmommy.
I thought it was only me because I was tearing all the time from the time I heard the first speaker to the last. so embarrassing.
I think it will break my heart when my girl wants to know and be with her tummy mommy. But I tell myself that she has given us so much joy. If she wants to be unite with her own tummy mommy when she grows up, it's up to her. Cos she would have enrich our marriage and lives. If it's only me and my hubby in the golden years, we will just the world ourselves. haha
 
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