Child Adoption

Yuli, thanks for your tips. I add gripe whenever she drinks water if I don't, she will not take plain water. I've also been applying yuee oil diligently twice every day.

I'm quite worried too because she has not been sleeping well for the past two days eversince she received her second dose of Hepatitis B.

Also, I was told by the doctor during her 4 weeks development assessment three days ago, that she should be smiling by now. My baby has not given us her first smile yet. The doc said that by 5 weeks she should smile. Even when Lakshmi from Amman Adoption dropped by yesterday, she expressed surprise that my baby has not smiled yet. All this has got me rather worried.

Ladies, did any of your babies give their first smile after 1 month?

SAHM, thanks for the tips too! I think I will read up on the rotavirus jab and decide whether it is really necessary.

I agree with Elizabeth that we live in a cruel world. We just have to teach our kids to be strong.

I have had my share of annoying questions as well. Just the other day,a lady who found out that we had adopted, commented that we were 'garang' and then asked 'Her parents didn't want her? and then proceeded to ask how much she cost? I was so angry that I walked off and left my hubby to answer her stupid questions.
 


Janella (janella),

dun worry too much abt baby not smiling yet. Just remember that whatever we are being told abt baby's development is only a guide as every baby's development pace is different. however, if u are still worried, u can try surfing the net to find out more or speak to ur pd and ask fro advise.

I remember i was a total nervous wreck as a 1st time mom and i kept asking my sisters, friends and in laws. I even post questions here to get assurances from other mommies here and they have been a great help too. However, i begin to realise that everybody will give me different answers so i told myself as long as baby is normal, healthy and eats, sleep, poo well i think she is fine.

If i keep stressing myself with these unknown issues i will not be able to enjoy growing with my baby.

I was also very pissed when my own mom keeps saying baby is very tan looking. In fact, thinking back i was super sensitive to everything anyone comment on my baby or me. Then my sis highlighted to me it is due to insufficient rest hence we become emotionally upset easily.

So try to take it easy although i know it is not wasy cos i am still learning too.
 
Hi ladies,

do u know of anyone who may be keen to adopt local babies cos my agent currently has 2 babies waiting to be adopted. I think both will be due in oct/nov 2010, 1 of them is a girl and the other not sure about the sex yet.
 
Thanks for all your encouragement. Guess I was just being sensitive cos' some asked dun even know she is adopted. I've dealt with many more insensitive qns in the past but it is lesser days except this one still bugging so I have to learn to be more steady
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Elizabeth - thanks for sharing your story... much appreciated. Yes, we really need to stand by them and teaches them to be strong and courageous. Do you mind to share how did your disclosure go? When and how did it happen? Am preparing for mine now cos' baby grows up very fast.

Nicole - pneumoccocal jab is now compulsory so cost shd be cheaper. do you have to jab bb now? if not can still wait until you've got baby bonus. Thanks for the news... I will let my friend knows in case she is keen.

Janella - i really won't encourage you to serve bb water (add with gripe water) all day cos' you won't want to give something which you cannot take away later. am sure when she is really thirsty, she will drink plain water eventually. so keep trying. Otherwise, she is going to have a sweet tooth. In fact I did heard of parents against giving bb water due to water poison. So bb drink milk only but I didn't care much about that theory.

I agree with Nicole... take it easy. If you have been worried and not smiling then bb can sense it too. Maybe she smiled but you weren't there... you never know.

Take care ALL / Vanilla
 
Hi Vanilla,
Well i think i told her when she was around 3/4 it was easy because we were watching Tazan but I wasn't too sure if she really understood. However after telling her she said the most saddest thing every time she got upset with me...."I will do back to my birth mother"....boy did this hit me....and thinking she could think of it at such a young age... I was pretty upset and I spoke to her about it. Now we talk about her adoption very freely and she has never said it again.. i'm so glad that i told her early and now she can move on and try to understand why....
I'm sure ladies this is one area we all wonder how we will handle it...really there is no easy way but i do know if we tell them early and explain why people adopt and why mummies have to give up their child... will lessen the rejection they might feel....being open for them is the way to go.
 
Elizabeth - Thanks for sharing and I agree telling them early and being open is the key to healing and it helps to foster a trusting relationship. It is a sad truth that most pple incl my own family members and friends are against of early disclosure. I've stopped trying to explain them already. Sigh.

I've attended a recent TAFNET workshop "What adoptees wants parents to know". It was quite insightful to hear a panel of adult adoptees sharing their journey and thoughts. In fact, one adoptee shared that be prepared to hear angry sentences like "I will go back to my birth mom" but they do not meant what they says but just merely testing their boundaries. One also shared not to be overly cautious or react on such matter but handle it like you would for any other issues. I know it's easy to say that "am prepared for it" but when it happens... am sure it is hard to swallow and handle. Guess I will just take one step at one time.
 
We Jus got the email and confirmation from TAFNET, awaiting for the small group allocation
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@Elizabeth, SAHM, thanks for sharing your experiences and thots.

Even though the TAS workshops has prepared us on different situation we may be facing, I am sure I will still get hit like Elizabeth ;P Well part and parcel of parenthood I guess
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@ashwin, i totally understand wat you and wifey r going thru, we decided to met our Angel when we are in the midst of the interviews while waiting for the HSR. It was nerve wreaking, I spends some nights crying myself to sleep worrying will we not get the approval esp deep in our hearts we have already take her as our daughter. Actually my whole family was "grumbling" why it take so long to get the HSR as they all fall totally in love w her esp my mum and mother in law :D

Like both of you we visit our girl everyday. Hubby and myself will keep your wife, your baby and you in our prayers
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Do keep us updated with the good news ok
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Hi Mrs Chou,
We got the TAFNET confirmation around the same time. For all u know, we may end up in the same small group as we both have babies born in the same month last year
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Wl keep u posted ya
 
Hi Nicole

I am interested in knowing more about the local babies that are up for adoption. Could you let me know more...I am happily married, with a son and looking for another child to round off our family. Please email me at [email protected] with info on how I can get more info on the babies. Many thanks, julie
 
@Mummyportia,
I will keep u posted once we got the assignment of the group too
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Tomorrow we will be joining our 1st session with Fei Yue C.A.D workshop....a parent Ms Andrea Yee is sharing her experiences about disclosure with her 2 kids. Apparantly she is the 1st person who come out with a Local Book on Adoption
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Ashwin - Congrats!! Mental agony?! Hahaha... this is just the beginning cos' next you are going to fret about when the adoption procedures will be over and at the same time enduring your sleepless nights. But take courage cos' all of us here probably have gone thru the agony state in some extend but it's all worth the pain
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Enjoy parenthood and remember to take lots of pics!!

Mrs Chou - I've got a copy of Andrea Yee's book as well... met her in one of the TAFNET session. I thought it was a brilliant idea to use it as a lifebook.
 
Ashwin - Congrats! Your life will never be the same again, but much richer n fuller
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Enjoy every stage of the process..

Mrs Chou - O Andrea has 2 kids now? I remember hearing her speak at 1 of the TAFNET sessions 2 years back. Did u enjoy the Fei Yue sharing?
 
ashwin, Congratulations to you. Parenthood is great and rewarding! For me, mental agony is having to answer questions like, "do you have kids?","why not?", "have you tried this","or that", etc.

I wish I have someone who will adopt the baby boy you mentioned. Hopefully, a good family will adopt him soon.

Mummyportia, Mrs CHou, let me know when you attend any talk. I want to come along.
 
@iwantitvmuch, the one I attended is by Fei Yue C.A.P (Connect Adoptive Parents) group. Is a new group set up by Fei Yue similiar to that of TAFNET. As we signed up for both C.A.P and TAFNET thus will be send invitation to these workshops
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Can you PM me your email ? I can than keep u posted about the coming workshops.

@Mumnmyportia, yes now Andrea has 2 darlings, the group has about 10 families thus rather cozy and sharing is very open, both hubby n me enjoyed it v much
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Next session will be on 2nd Sat of Aug. Looking forward to it. TAFNET is quiet usually in this period due to School holidays and Summer Holidays for the expats families. I think the next time we will be joining a group will be in Sep :D

@SAHM, I think Andrea's book come right in time for us esp being 1st time parent w a new baby, so occupied by her daily needs and do not have a time to start on her life book which I hv been wanting to. I think it is a impt tool to help us in the disclosure process :D
 
iwantitvmuch, yes currently the FY CAD ones are open for members only.

I think Touch do hold adoption related workshops (beside disclosure) occasionally and are open to all. Can check those out in their website
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We just found out on Fri that our first office interview is this coming week! Qte excited as it's a month earlier than expected
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the home interview will follow in 2-3 weeks' time. Thankful!
 
strawberrysusu, Great!! You are one step closer to motherhood. Please go through what you filled up in the forms and start to take notes of the dates of interviews. You can track these memorable dates.
All the best to your interview. Relax, the social worker is there to help and get to know you. They are not there to make things difficult at all.
 
Thanks, iwantitverymuch. We have finished out office interview and are now waiting for our home visit next week. We enjoyed the interview and it was great learning all we could from the SW.

Was wondering if we want to adopt locally what our chances will be?
 
Dear all,

Do u remember me? I have not been posting cuz nothing to contribute but have been reading up on all ur posts ;)
I have downloaded the adoption application forms from SBL Vision and start filling up today..
 
die,
yes, we definitely remember you. Good to hear from you. I haven't heard about SBL Vision. Are they efficient?

ashwin,
CONGRATS!!!! Enjoy parenthood! Yoohoo!

lalithamalini, Sorry that you can't keep the baby. But kudos to you for giving birth even though you can't keep her. You are very noble in this way. Maybe you can approach an agent for help. I only know one agent and she's from Lotus. All the best to you. wish i can cradle your girl.
 
strawberrysusu, I feel that the chances of you adopting locally is high. My agent handled a few local babies. But you have to wait abit cos alot of Singaporean like to give up their babies to foreigners.
 
Strawberrysusu,
Great news! One step closer to motherhood. Excited for you. Can't wait to read about your progress!

Die
Of course I remember you and your plan! Good luck in filling up the forms. Getting closer to motherhood!
 
Hi everyone
my wife and I have been following this forum for some time, albeit silently, and we wanted to say that you have all been a source of remarkable inspiration and encouragement for us. so firstly, thank you ..

strawberrysusu
all the very best for the home visit!

ashwin
congrats! enjoy the wonders of parenthood!

die
we have just submitted our forms a few weeks back so wanted to take this opportunity to wish you the very best .. it is quite a bit of documentation but I must add that there was a certain joy to doing the file up
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Hi all, i recently failed my 1st ivf cycle and we too scared to try it again. we were thinking if by 5 years time, we are still not blessed with children, we are thinking of adopting. May i know the cost and the procedure?
 
Invictus, Thanks.
U r rite, it is a kind of affirmation when hubby n i did the paperwork together..kind of like a tag-team ;) All the best to u too.

Lubna,

U can start by downloading application forms from websites like Touch, Fei Yue, SBL Vision. Upon sending in ur paperwork and documents, u will need to attend an office interview and a home interview. After passed approval, u can approach child adoption agency to look for a baby. Most will charge around 25k. Once selected a baby, can apply for dependents pass follow by birth cert.

Let me know if any other queries? BTW, I also had one failed IVF cycle prior to this.
 
Hi everyone!
I am not new here. I have been following this thread over the last couple of months. I have a 9 week old baby boy . My hubby and I brought him home when he was just 29 hours old.
Can those of you who have been for your interviews with MCYS please share with me what kinds of question do they ask?
 
strawberrysusu,
all the best in your home interview.

Lubna,
It depends whether you are interested in local or foreign bb. Think local will be easier. For foreign, die has given you the procedure. But as cost it will depend on the agency. Some charge at 27k some at 25k.

lalithamalini,
is better to go thru an agent to find a good home for your child. U wont want yr child to end up in a family that doesnt love her.
 
Something cute to share with everyone..

My hubby got so excited since we started compiling the HSR, I mentioned that later on when we have a home interview, we need to straighten the house and show the social worker where the baby cot will be, where the food preparation etc..he said gotta move the tv/computer table out of the room to put baby cot. Then i casually asked, 'Then cannot watch tv how?' He stared at me and said 'Which one more important???' Coming from him, really very cute lor..haha if u could see his serious expression ;)
 
Die
Yep, your hubby is ready! Hooray! Can't wait to read your updates!!

Rameena
Congrats! you are indeed very fortunate that baby was home with you so soon. Understand from the ladies here that the assessor would ask you questions that are similar to the questions raised in the HSR. If yours is a local adoption, just go through TOUCH website and download the form for HSR to have an idea about what they will ask. Good luck to you.

Invictus
Welcome! It is good to have new sisters. Need to keep this thread alive to inspire others as well.

Lubna
It is good that you are giving yourself some time limit. For local baby, you can approach MCYS. I think there is a long queue or you can contact local agents. FYI, there is requirement for HSR for local babies. All the bests.
 
iwantitvmuch,

sorry,
missed ur post earlier, i dun know if they r efficient but the social worker i spoke to was nice and they said upon sending in hsr they will take 3-4 mths to the office interview.

Dream, tks..im so excited too we even kinda agreed on a name for baby liao hee..kiasu
 
Die, happy and excited for you! Preparing the HSR is tedious but we did enjoy the process of reflecting on the questions asked.

Invictus, glad you;ve handed yours in! Now it's just a period of waiting and preparing yourselves for the prospect of parenthood
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Lubna, praying for you. IVF is an emotional rollercoaster and it can be a tiring process. Do take time to recover.

Iwantitverymuch, I made some calls to local hotlines and shelters, and it appears local babies are qte rare.

We are meeting up with a few agents next week. Our home visit is on Tue! Qte exciting, our house needs some straightening out before that
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Hi die, my wife and I are doing the exact same thing!! we have started sharing our thoughts on what would be a nice name. I know that it's still early in the process, but we are just so excited
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strawberrysusu, thanks much. I've met a couple of agents too. Perhaps later we could share our experiences and thoughts on the meetings.

lubna, keep well. we have gone through IVF several times, so we can understand how you feel. if you enjoy reading, you could trawl our libraries for books on adoption. there are both books on preparing oneself for the adoption process (most books are US-centric and UK-centric) as well as those featuring true-to-life stories. I found them useful and in many cases so touching.

rameena, congrats and all the very best for the interviews .. from what has been shared here in the forum as well as from what i have gathered from my reading, the assessors are there to help and support us in this process
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Lubna, good that you are taking your time to think things over after your first IVF. You need time to recover. Sometimes, I feel that after IVF, my hormones were still out of swing sometimes. Rushing into adoption might be too emotional.
If you are waiting for another 5 years, a lot might have changed in terms of procedures and regulations. We have to go through physical examinations to ensure that we are fit enough to adopt too. So, you have to weight all options while considering.

Die, very excited for you. I'm glad that your hubby is so supportive now. That's the thing with guys. Once they warm up to the idea, they are very involved. Wait till you see how protective he will be of the child in future, it will be even cuter.

M.R.Kumar, the social worker will ask you questions similar to the HSR. Basically, they want to verify what you wrote and clarify any points which are unclear. SOmetimes, they will also share their experiences and all in all, they are there to help us. Don't worry.

I'm so glad the thread is growing!! I strongly encourage those who are going through the process now to stay closely knitted. This will help you with the wait and provide support and comfort.
 
girls: ya, now im trying my best to recover emotionally and physically. Really wish i can carry my own baby soon as i tend to get so depressed looking other baby. Thanks for your wishes.
 


hey all, i read previously from the thread that andrea yee's books are pretty good, coming with a local context, but i have not been able to find them at kino, borders or popular. would anyone know where i can get a copy? she has a lifebook as well right?
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