Baby hates me?

I

IronMaiden80

Member
My baby is turning 7 weeks old and he hates it when I carry him, especially when I need to soothe him, he will wail even louder and it's very depressing. He uses his hands and legs to kick me away! My mil will barge in whenever he cries and snatch the baby away... To make things worst, my baby actually stops crying whenever he is in her arms. Now it has become a habit for her to grab my son away when he cries. Sometimes she will bring him into her room for quite some time until I ask my husband to check on baby. I've told her nicely many times not to carry him immediately because he will get used to it and it will be hard for me when I take care of him during the day as she is working and I'm left on my own with a baby who can't be pacified. I've asked her to teach me the right way to carry as I'm a first time mum but she will brush aside and tell me he doesn't like the way I carry as I am too skinny. She used to tell me not to carry my baby / order me to put him in his cot when I'm carrying him as he will be spoilt but she is not practicing what she preached! I am not stopping her from being a grandmother but I feel she can show me the way instead of snatching him which leaves me feeling very useless as a mother.

I love my son very much but I don't understand why he hates the way I carry him yet sometimes he can fall asleep on my chest. I feel so helpless everyday and get scared when he cries during the day as I'm afraid I can't soothe him. Is there anywhere I can get help / guidance on how to handle him?
 


Babies cry because that is their way of telling you they are uncomfortable. Go through a routine list to check what's bothering him.

Babies develop habits too. They can recognise smells. Maybe he is used to your MIL's smell and is soothed this way.

If your MIL refuses to teach you how to soothe the baby, the next time, watch what she does and copy that. You will get the hang of it.

Don't be silly. Your baby doesn't hate you. Give yourselves time to know each other. Good luck!
 
Have you tried laying your baby on your chest? Try different positions.. Preferably when mil is not around. If baby cries, don't worry, that's part of being a baby. Check out youtube videos on how to carry babies then try. Babies are sensitive to your emotions too.. If you are tensed, they tend to be uncomfortable too. But if you are relaxed, they will relax too :)

Good luck! We've all been there!
 
Hi there! My baby is about 6 weeks old and in the first 5 weeks, I felt the same way too! ( useless as a
Mom, why can't I sooth my baby?)

Until recently I started taking care of her full time then she started being more comfortable with me. It is true that when I'm tense, I feel that my baby become even more distress and when my mom came and carry her, usually laughing and talking to her while doing so, she tend to calm down abit. So slowly I observe and learn and it really work!

Another useful way of bonding is letting baby fall asleep on ur chest, let ur son get used to ur smell and slowly he will definitely be more comfortable:)

My mil is the same as ur mil, say we cannot keep carrying, touching or even patting her but she is definitely not preaching what she teach. I guess all grandparents are the same.. :)

Jiayou! Things will definitely be smoother as they grow.. Good luck to us all first time moms!
 
Hi Mummies,

Thank you all for your encouragement! I do realize that when baby cries, I can feel the tension and fear building up in me as I am afraid I won't be able to soothe him, especially in the evenings when mil is around, she will stand at the door to watch what I'm doing / barge in to want to take him away. He cries a fair bit in the evenings due to colic & reflux.

Sometimes, he will fall asleep on my chest. Must see his mood!

I will try my best to be calm down and handle him when I am not tensed up. Really hope this phase will pass!

Thank you everyone once again!
 
Dear mummies, hang in there k. Try to calm your mood down first. It could be that you are feeling frustrated or agitated when you carry the baby so the baby can sense it and became tense. TTC2014's tip is really true. In fact, we don't really have to cuddle the baby. We can just talk to them...look them into their eyes and smile a lot...babies love that...

Jiayou and Have fun! but by all means, step aside and take a deep breath if it all gets too much to you. Your own well-being is very important too. :)
 
IronMaiden80, good for you! I used to wait till my mil went out to spongebath my newborn coz her fussing was making me tensed then causing my baby to cry. When i found my rhythm, no amount of mil fussing rattled me. Mil was short of shocked to see how happy little one was while sponge bathing

Check baby's schedule too, it might be overtired that time in the evening.. If so, try adjusting your night routine :) parenting is trial and error! You'll get through this!
 
Newborn is very sensitive to our senses. When I am stress my baby will cry too when I carry her. I learnt to let go and just focus on her needs.
I was at my mum hse for confinement, imagine how stress I am when I move back to my own house. hahaha.
U try try to let her sleep on you. See my attached photo, that how I survive from her 1mth old plus to 3mth old.. Now she is 7mth old, sometimes when she sick or whiny, she will sleep on me like this.
 

Attachments

  • 2015-08-19 16.52.52.jpg
    2015-08-19 16.52.52.jpg
    100.9 KB · Views: 234
Hi Sunflower and all Mummies,

Today I let go of all insecurities and approached my son but he still refused to let me cradle hold him when he cried. I have to put him high on my shoulder and this trick doesn't work all the time too. (Again, it depends on this emperor's mood). Luckily today it did and he managed to sleep on my chest.

I tried to copy mil's way of cradling him but still he rejects me. Maybe my mil is right, I'm too skinny for his liking, no cushion feel! :) I won't give up and will continue to try all means until he accepts the way I carry him.
 
IronMaiden80, do what works for you and your baby. Your way may not be the same as your mil's. Although it doesn't get better, you will get better at this! Talk to the little emperor. He knows your voice since he was in your tummy :)

Chest sleeping saved us alot of energy. I even taught my hubby so he substituted a few times. He loved it too!
 
Hey, it's normal. I am skinny too and my MIL is erm more fleshy. My #1 has colic and starts crying once the sun sets. ONLY my MIL can pacify him. At first I was sad too but after a while I just let it be. Of course I try to learn and improve but when MIL takes over from me, I know that she just wants to make the baby feel better, so I let her.

My boy is now 3 years old and he is very close to me even though he grew up in a big family with grandparents and aunties. No worries about that. Children all know who are their mummies are. If you can't master carrying him now, or soothing him now, just spend more time in other ways. Play time - talk to him, make funny faces, sing to him. These are ways to bond too. My MIL admits that she doesn't know how to play with children as well as I do. Just complement each other's shortcomings and work as a team.

Try not to fret over these things. Enjoy the motherhood! :)
 
Hi Mummies,

Unfortunately I don't bf as I've very low supply and son gets frustrated due to that. So I try to bond with him in other ways like giving him massages and talking / singing to him.

My son has colic / reflux so you can imagine the amount of crying in the evenings as well. Last night hubby was carrying him but also failed to pacify him, mil barged in again and demanded the baby but hubby told her to guide him how to carry the baby but she still insisted on having the baby. I witnessed the whole scene. Hubby gave the baby to her and she started laughing and saying it's easy to handle him. He knows his mother too well, he said she likes the feeling and wants to be the ONLY person in the household to be able to pacify my son but she didn't think how useless she makes her own son and dil feel.

I admit I was affected by what happened, I don't understand how a person can be so selfish, even to her own family. I've never stopped her from coming into my room to see her grandson and I don't even close the door when we sleep but she still has this kind of character which makes me lose respect for her. I just tell myself things will improve in time to come. I'm after all his mother, he will soon realize that. Just find that sometimes staying together can be really tough...
 
Awww.. IronMaiden80, i feel for you as we have been in that situation. Sometimes mil still acts as if she knows our kid better than us parents. It must be a grandparent thing.

Don't give up trying to learn how to pacify your baby. Colic is tricky. Hubby and I tried the football hold to burp little girl. It helped with the gas that was bothering our little one. Oh and we also tried gripe water. That one can get frm pharmacy in the baby section. Combination of both burping and gripe water did the trick.
 
Hi Karoosel,

Doctor prescribed Zantac and nutramigen for colic and reflux. I've heard of gripe water but haven't tried, will buy to try. We are burping this emperor every hour as well. Hopefully he will outgrow this and things will improve, for him and the situation at home. :)
 
Gripe water seems to be an old remedy. Mil said she remembered using it on her boys too. We finished 1.5 bottles of it till little girl outgrew the pesky colic.
 
Hi IronMaiden80,

Can totally relate to how you are feeling as sometimes my mom and mil does the same as well. I was really affected during confinement when my mom and mil kept saying they know the best etc..

But just suan le.. Now spending more time with my girl in this 2 weeks time, combined with observing their skills and "customised service" to my girl, she is bonding with me more. So don't lose heart!

We are all here to support you:))
 
Hi TTC2014,

It's sad yet somewhat comforting that we are all in the same situation. I'm glad we can find support here. :)

There's improvement these days, baby can actually fall asleep in my arms now though I still can't calm him down when he cries despite ensuring his needs are met. Mil also has openly announced she will resign and take care of baby when I go back to work. As much as I am unwilling to let her take care of him, it's better than putting him with infant care. I have to "see open" and accept her help graciously.

Hoping for better days ahead for all of us! :)
 
Hey don't feel this way... at such a young age the baby wont hate anyone...
Don't be too sensitive and affect you...
Try carry the baby in a different position.
Maybe he don't feel comfortable with the position you are carrying ...
When he cries try talking to him, sing him a song softly etc ...
Your little baby will love you.... as you are the mother of his ...

Putting baby into infant care there are lots of factors to consider as well.
It is not as easy as you think...
My LO is in infant care so i know...
Nothing is easy be it infant care, maid, MIL or nanny...
Cheer up ... Be positive ... Stay strong and happy :p
 
Hi IronMaiden80, that is what my MIL does exactly, worst for my case, she is a housewife so she is at home 24/7. Yes, I do observe how she carries the baby and imitate her. However, I also realise it may not work because our build, smell are all different. Anyway, cheers up, guess what, after a while, baby changed "pattern", now he don't want my MIL, so instead when I asked my baby to be passed back to me, baby kept quiet now. So my MIL has to hand my baby back to me willingly… Also, when the baby keep wanting my MIL to carry, she realise she is too tired from all the carrying, so when baby dozed off, she will pass back to me. Take that chance to bond with your baby as well even though baby is asleep so you can adjust the position well while both of you are comfortable :p
 
Last edited:
IronMaiden80 said:
Hi Mummies,

Unfortunately I don't bf as I've very low supply and son gets frustrated due to that. So I try to bond with him in other ways like giving him massages and talking / singing to him.

My son has colic / reflux so you can imagine the amount of crying in the evenings as well. Last night hubby was carrying him but also failed to pacify him, mil barged in again and demanded the baby but hubby told her to guide him how to carry the baby but she still insisted on having the baby. I witnessed the whole scene. Hubby gave the baby to her and she started laughing and saying it's easy to handle him. He knows his mother too well, he said she likes the feeling and wants to be the ONLY person in the household to be able to pacify my son but she didn't think how useless she makes her own son and dil feel.

I admit I was affected by what happened, I don't understand how a person can be so selfish, even to her own family. I've never stopped her from coming into my room to see her grandson and I don't even close the door when we sleep but she still has this kind of character which makes me lose respect for her. I just tell myself things will improve in time to come. I'm after all his mother, he will soon realize that. Just find that sometimes staying together can be really tough...
Click to expand...

I closed my doors and yet my MIL knocked on it and invite herself in to soothe my baby lo. So you can imagine.. even my hubby asked her not to do that else we can't handle baby and let me do it. Still she say, let her calm the baby down before returning the baby back to us. Faint.. I did tell her before, what if you are sick one day and can't carry the baby and no one can soothe the baby? Which apparently it did happen, btw.. Also, I realise it is also true that they are not good at playing with baby, that is where we step up too. So now, I also let her soothe the baby while I feed and play with baby lo.. Soon, you can worked out a way to work as a team..
 
Hi,
Please don't feel that way, baby is just getting used to you, they can't hate their mother who carried them 10months and they are too young to hate. You just have to relax yourself and take it easy. Don't get too stress up over the fact that you think that your baby hate you. They don't. Maybe your baby is getting too use to your mil who is always sticking around with your baby. Your baby is used to the comfort that your MIL is giving. You may want to try talking out with your husband in a nice way and find a solution. Be prepare that he might side your MIL over the issue but you have to calm yourself and always be nice in talking this kind of issue as it is quite sensitive topic. Lastly, I repeat myself that your baby doesn't hate you, is just that he find your comfort unfamiliar.
 
I encountered the same problem with my MIL when i just gave birth. She will snatch my baby from me then say that I dunno how to carry and cause the baby to cry. I was so upset about it. Then a good gf told me to tell my mil this "I dont know, so I must learn! i'm the MOTHER ma! how can the MOTHER not know how to carry her OWN BABY" (emphasizing the words in CAPS) very sternly. Then i will turn around and block her from taking the baby away from me. Yes, I am defiant but I was really upset initially!

My point is that you have to slowly adapt and baby also has to adapt to you and your way of carrying. We will become better mothers as the day go by. Now my toddler girl can tell everyone that she loves Mummy when she is being asked. Dont give up. Just continue trying. Be stern and firm but not rude. Just tell her that you have to learn cos you are the mother and maybe add that everyone has to start somewhere. ask for her guidance but dont let her take baby away.

Another alternative is to learn to baby wear. I learnt how to sling my baby close to me, which is not a feat easily replicated. Through this, baby feels safe and the bonding is there. you can try joining baby wearing facebook group and seek help and advice on how to wear a baby the correct way.
 
IronMaiden80 said:
Hi Mummies,

Thank you all for your encouragement! I do realize that when baby cries, I can feel the tension and fear building up in me as I am afraid I won't be able to soothe him, especially in the evenings when mil is around, she will stand at the door to watch what I'm doing / barge in to want to take him away. He cries a fair bit in the evenings due to colic & reflux.

Sometimes, he will fall asleep on my chest. Must see his mood!

I will try my best to be calm down and handle him when I am not tensed up. Really hope this phase will pass!

Thank you everyone once again!
Click to expand...
Yea colic cause lots of problems for us mummies, however i read that this phase will be over at around 4 months of age! We just have to be patient, there are many reasons baby cry so be on the look out. Soon we will be able to tell why our baby cry how to deal with it. Goodluck.
 
Hi mummies, i experience the same as you guys. My boy is 9 weeks now. Before 2 months, i find it difficult to pacify him. My mil has a way with him. Because she has a loud and clear voice whereas m a soft spoken. However, gradually i start to observe my mil way of carrying him and somehow he is ok w me carrying him now. Before 2 months, i felt depressed as well cos i fed him formula and as my breastmilk has not kicked in yet. Still there are latching problems and he fall asleep at my chest each time, causing me to feel extremely tired during my confinement month. In addition, due to extensive worrying of insufficient breastmilk and sleepless nights, my hubby was a totally changed man. I start to see a different side of him. He actually told me off many times due to some baby safety issues. I was at the point of feeling distraught that i feel like leabing home and crying almost every other night during the first 2 weeks.

But now, i am. proud to say that i have overcome some obstacles. But there are still times i feel down when i cannot pacify him esp. in the evenings due to his colic. Ironmaiden80, sometimes i try to move away frm my mil when she say she want to carry, and i try to pacify him agn. I wanted to show her i have the confidence to do it. So she will see that baby needs mother too. My mil is not a difficult person. Instead she has been a great help. But sometimes she will make comment like"breastmilk drink not full" and "you all dont know how to carry him, he is uncomfortable". She also like to boast that my son wants her to carry and “sayang”. I felt defeated as a new mum. I know she dont mean to hurt me. But just felt emotionally drained. Now she complain backache due to prolonged carrying and let him lie on the pram. Isnt it contradicting.. anyway, I guess she is proud to be a grandmother of my son and i admit that my mil does a good job. Since she love carrying my baby i jus let her be cos i know i cannot interfere with her way of doing things. Most important is my baby acknowledge me, smiles and enjoy my company, and my baby is healthy.

Now 9 weeks, he start to smile at me and i latch him more, i also purposely say loudly when my boy smile at me. So my mil knows my boy enjoy being with me.

So hang in there! My boy starts to cry agn!
 
Last edited:
Hi Mummies, months have flown by so fast... DS is now 10 months old. It was very tough initially but I guess my efforts paid off as he is very attached to me now and reaches out for me to carry him when I come home from work. (Sometimes he even rejects my mil when she tries to take him back from me). I learnt so much during this period - the bond between a mother and child is indeed unbreakable regardless of who the primary caregiver is as long as we shower our little ones with our unconditional love and attention. Currently expecting #2 and I hope to apply what I have learnt from all of you to him as well. Good luck to all the Mummies out there! :)
 
Good job for all mummies!!! Everyone wants to lay claim on the new pride and joy of the family. It's normal. Mums will be mums, nobody can replace us.
 
Wow you girls are really awesome. So noble. Anyone did that to me, we wouldn't be living in the same house anymore, sorry, but it's all about respecting each other. No respect? You're out.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

P
Cheated from courtship till married
Replies
32
Views
2K
margret
M
A
Husband wants a divorce
Replies
46
Views
4K
Mongkok
M
T
Divorce?
Replies
17
Views
2K
Tracer
T
M
To stay or leave?
Replies
4
Views
5K
mimgoh
mimgoh
Q
Husband makes me feel isolated from his family
2
Replies
64
Views
6K
Mongkok
M

Back
Top