Anyone who has only one child

[newbie19]

I have a 3 year old child. I have always wanted 2 kids but currently my husband is not keen to have more than one kid.
He does not insist on it but his reasons are sound.
Firstly we married late - I was 34 and he was 35. I got pregnant soon after and gave birth to a lovely boy.
We bought a 3 room flat. But we asked his widowed mum to move in with us so that she could look after our child. She is elderly and I saw that the kid was a handful once he started walking so I got a maid as well. Now there are 4 adults and a kid in a 3 room flat. How to accommodate another child?
We are unable to upgrade to another flat in the near future (nest 2-3 years) cos of the current housing costs and loan rulings.
My age is 38 this year. My husband and I are both concerned about complications if I am to fall pregnant now. My first delivery was already a C-section and I had a bad time during the pregnancy.
If we wait and decide, I am afraid I may be too old and may have difficulty conceiving.

We also want to send our kids to good preschools and enrichment classes. With one child it is ok but 2 will eat into our savings.
So finally we decided to stop at one child.My husband and I have more than one sibling so I am not sure how my child will like growing up as an only child. Unfortunately he has no cousins and very few of my friends have kids his age.
I would like to hear form parents of a single child on how you feel about your decision to stop at one.

 

[vera_vera]

Hi fairygodma,

I had a girl at 6 now. Although love to have more but one is good enough for me and my hubby. Nowadays, work is stressful, taking care of kids is not like our parents in the past.

My girl goes to Childcare and she enjoy herself there plus she has few enrichment lessons which occupy most of her time. She is also keen to go to tis extra lesson.

I do understand every parents love to give all their best to their kids.

 

[cheeksymummy]

I am also planning to have one child. Like you, my son is going to be lonely in the family with no cousins. (My sis not keen in family planning and my bil still not married). My friend's are either too old or too young to mingle with. So we bring him to child care to mingle with peers. When I bring him to playground and seeing other kids has khakis to play with, it makes him looks outcasted and I feel sad not able to give him a sibling for many reasons, which I still make him an only child because I don't think I can handle two kids now, we can't afford it. With another kid, means my mil will need to juggle between my boy and a baby which is very tiring for her. She's not very fit in terms of both physically and mentally, and has been very helpful in taking care of my boy as I'm on shift work. My in laws dote at their only grandchild a lot and I appreciate their love and tolerance on him. My hubby's income is not stable. Everything we have now is just nice to live by. My mil find my boy easier to take care of compared to when he is younger and less tiring since he went to school in the day during weekdays and she can have personal time at home. My hubby and I still can find some private time to be together once in a while. My boy can have full attention from us since he is the only kid, he is currently not interested in having a sibling so it lessens the guilt in us. Once in a while, we can afford to bring him to eat in restaurants, if I have two, we definitely go broke lol... In my situation, I rather forgo a second child than to sacrifice the current peace I have now. Like Vera said, life and work is stressful. Just be happy with our healthy only child.
In an event my son hates being an only, then I will ask him to have more in future to keep us busy.

 

[babiesmeme]

I also have a boy and I am 40. he is 4 years old this year. I got two miscarriages a year ago in a row within six months time. the second is about 8 weeks old and the third is about 12 weeks old. The heart beat just stop and the third one has slight bleeding. I have tough time getting over it. My hub and I have decided to have him as the only child though we would like to give him a sister or brother. I am sure he would be a very good brother. Fate has drawn us to have him as the only child and we tell ourselves we have to love him even more than anything. When he need to someone to play with, we always be there for him. We laugh with him and joke with him. We enjoy each other company, think this is the most important. We promise ourselves that we will always be with him. Think in every child dream our presence is more important than an expensive toy.

 

[newbiemum]

actually it isnt too bad being a single child.. you wouldnt feel lonely and also wont know what it is like to have a sibling.. I know because i am the ONLY CHILD i do not have to vie for attention of my parents and also i have the sole responsibility to take care of them when they are older.. so no conflicts / arguments there...

 

[Poucette]

I think it's different with a boy or a girl. A boy might need not as much emotionally from his siblings as a girl? Then again, I know of girls, who when they grow up, cannot get along at all and then feel resentful when it comes to looking after the parents.

And having a child is both the husband's and wife's decision. While finance is a huge factor, I think that it doesn't really matter in the long run.
If you can put your children in good pre-schools and etc, why not? And if you can't because, well, I'm sure we all know many good people who didn't go to good pre-schools, etc. And they aren't failures in life.

If you really, really want another child, I say go for it. I don't think 38 is too old, BUT I do think your husband should want it just as much. My friend stopped trying for no 2 at 38 because she was afraid of the complications, etc. She had an emergency C- section and pregnancy wasn't that smooth. Her daughter is already in her teens and is a lovely girl.

I stopped at 1 because of health reasons. I do wish I had more, but doctors have advised against it. So, for eg, I try to make sure that my child is sociable and when they start school, you can try to arrange for playdates and etc. I feel one just has to make an extra effort to do things like that? Try joining the forum for 2010 babies?

And be aware of single child problems - spoilt, doesn't really know how to share, etc...and be aware and try not to let the child go too much in that direction.
Even if you have more than one child, there will be different problems. It's how we try our best to handle them.

In any case, at the end of the day, all we can do it our best for our child. And be prepared that our best may not be their best. lol

 

[vera_vera]

Hi, poucette,
I agree with u. But I also feel that parenting on one or many kids are equally important. We the parent have to help them find a balance in emotional and social. I growth up in a big family but always alone and lonely. So to me I see that if there are no proper way for parenting, having more or less make no different. I have a friend (Working mum) handle 3 kids and they are so well disciple and also friends who are only child so busy with their life.

 

[xlad]

hi

any mummies who has only 1 child keen for playdates for our only kid?
mine is a girl 3yrs+

 

[mlr]

I am 44 and hubs is 48, our boy will be 8 this year.

We started late and are blessed with one. We did try for #2 one yr after delivery, but was not successful, so we leave it as that.

Our boy went to infant care since he was 4 months old and was in childcare and now student care.
We don't hv a domestic helper and we choose not to involve our parents in taking care of our boy.
He is more independent and loving as compared to some of our friends' kids.
He is sociable and is confident to mix around, becos since young, we bring him with us everywhere we go.

The only thing that we have some issues with is him being very opinionated about things.
When he believes in or decide on something, it is very difficult to change his mind about it.
Since he started Primary 1, we have been called up by his teachers about him voicing out his opinions about things in class even without being asked.

As Poucette and Vera Vera pointed out, it is not in quantity, but in quality that counts.
More importantly, both your spouse and you must agree on the ways and principles in which and how to bring up your child.
The child is the mirror that shows the parents take in life.