Sexless marriage

[Caramel candy]

Hi all

am in a very difficult situation now
i am married to a husband and he can never turn me on, despite discussed, he just goes with lubricant and penetrate. he thought through penetration i will be aroused but i wasnt, maybe because his penis was short to me. tbh i have no idea.

my concern is, lubricant has side effect and potential chemical in the body or might be causing cercival cancer, and sometimes i do have sexual frustration,

other concerns, he has oral odor, bad hygiene, this has been communicated, unable to improve, it's inbuilt, he doesnt brush teeth and shower in the morning. he finds it very troublesome
he has anxiety issues and had been on medication before we got married, and this resulted he has excessive sleep.. and if he doesnt sleep, his body wont be able to take it. which makes me feel disconnected and neglected. he requires to take 2-3hrs of nap daily.

i want second child so badly, i kinda have resentment towards him, but he doesnt want, we r financially very stable and more than sufficient to have second child.
other than that, he is a gentle man, and definitely wont cheat on me, family man, but neglect me and my child. i have been the caregvier to my child. he is living in the mindset that women shuld care more for kids, while he works outside.


statement:

i have a man who has been pursuing me lately, i see a chance to have a second child, he had bad temper. but not violent, he is also financially stable. he is willing to give up a lot of thgs and change for me of which he already done for me, he made some sacrficies for me, he gives me a hope to pursue and work on my dreams, he is also very active, unlike my spouse he prefers to nua/ rest the whole time, am someone who likes to travel and outdoors, he dotes on my child alot.


question:
should i divorce?

 

[PYHui]

Do you love your husband or not? You might not like everything about your husband but do you love him? Does he love you?

Yes, it is true that some of us might not "do" often, and some of us just don't *ahem* often. Sexual frustration is a thing for us sometimes, yes. Just focus on him lor, get him proud as a man and he'll probably be more active when he's inspired and you'll have a nice one. It's a minor thing that can be improved slowly.

If you want a child again, you have to do frequently at that time. From what you said, he does do and get to his end, and has no "man problems". If he cannot, you might need to get those fertility aids that are on FB everywhere. He produces and you do the rest yourself.

He does not seem to be a problem husband. As for women taking care of kids at home, if you're rich, enjoy it because many women would love to be able to take care of their young kids. Many do so even if they are not rich and they make sacrifices. You can always go back to work when the kids are ten or thirteen. PSLE mums and all, you know.

As for your new man, a bad temper is not a good sign, esp if you have a bad temper too. And you'll always have a distrust of him with your first child -- see all the news reports! Esp if it's a girl. He will always be biased if it's not his biological child.

You know your husband well but the new man is an unknown until you spend lots of time with him. Do you want to do that and cheat on your husband?

 

[Caramel candy]

he doesnt have sexual dysfunction problem, but he just wanna shoot and go and dont really care whether i feel good or not, in short, we have sexual incompatibility, and sexual frustration is also a red flag i believe.

as for the new man, yeah i dont know him long, but probably he can give me a second child and life i want. a present spouse than an absent one.

 

[hendri]

Hi all

am in a very difficult situation now
i am married to a husband and he can never turn me on, despite discussed, he just goes with lubricant and penetrate. he thought through penetration i will be aroused but i wasnt, maybe because his penis was short to me. tbh i have no idea.

my concern is, lubricant has side effect and potential chemical in the body or might be causing cercival cancer, and sometimes i do have sexual frustration,

other concerns, he has oral odor, bad hygiene, this has been communicated, unable to improve, it's inbuilt, he doesnt brush teeth and shower in the morning. he finds it very troublesome
he has anxiety issues and had been on medication before we got married, and this resulted he has excessive sleep.. and if he doesnt sleep, his body wont be able to take it. which makes me feel disconnected and neglected. he requires to take 2-3hrs of nap daily.

i want second child so badly, i kinda have resentment towards him, but he doesnt want, we r financially very stable and more than sufficient to have second child.
other than that, he is a gentle man, and definitely wont cheat on me, family man, but neglect me and my child. i have been the caregvier to my child. he is living in the mindset that women shuld care more for kids, while he works outside.


statement:

i have a man who has been pursuing me lately, i see a chance to have a second child, he had bad temper. but not violent, he is also financially stable. he is willing to give up a lot of thgs and change for me of which he already done for me, he made some sacrficies for me, he gives me a hope to pursue and work on my dreams, he is also very active, unlike my spouse he prefers to nua/ rest the whole time, am someone who likes to travel and outdoors, he dotes on my child alot.


question:
should i divorce?

Bad temper seems like a bad indication. Consider carefully.

 

[Stansy]

My dear… being desperate of having a 2nd child.. it just fulfill your wish but this is being fair to the kids especially now you are having issue with your hubby and getting yourself into BiG SHIT of contemplating to stay with another man.. for heaven sake,, please WAKE UP & GROW UP!!’

 

[TazAngg]

You need to ask yourself. Is your lust or needs stronger? Lust as in sex while needs is child.

Tbh, for your hubby, since you want just child, no need to really turn on for yourself right? Just do and make baby.
Of course if in turn lust is stronger, than different. Of course we all wish to enjoy the sex and have baby. But sometimes if really want a baby, have to forgo some stuff.

In turn if turning on really is an important for you, then you can consider divorcing with your hubby, and go with the man. However tbh, am not sure if by then the man will still willing to be with you or even give you a proper family.

 

[jmetta]

Decent man will not woo a married woman. of cos he is nice and great now. everything also listens to you and will change for you - which man (or woman) doesn't do that during dating time? meet up a few hours of course can pretend no longer bad temper. Its a false front. put it bluntly, his aim is to bed you and no need to be responsible if you ever get pregnant. I know a few sicko guy who likes to bed married woman as clean (usually married woman dont sleep around except with husband unless those in open relationship), no need to pay (foc as good as fwb) plus if accidently get pregnant - just "return" her to her hubby (no responsibility).

U sure after separation, your new man will be there to marry you? you sure your new man will be a nice loving and hands on man? u sure your child is safe with this new step dad who is bad tempered? usually active people aren't the stay at home type. they are busy with their outdoor activities. If u have 2 kids you think you can follow him and be just as active? u might be dump at home with 2 kids or bring there to take care of 2 kids while he is having fun.

If you really tired taking care of your 1st child and bored as your hubby needs to nap and likes to nua daily, please do not have a 2nd baby. what makes u want a 2nd baby? to make you more busy? Plus It doesn't pay to cheat. Dont let your hubby get depression on top of being anxious. if really cannot tahan your hubby, Divorce first and find yourself a new man. Else focus on bringing up your child, be faithful and loving to your hubby. Plan your family activities and ask him to go along.

be more mature. dont pin your hopes and dreams on another person.

 

[lakshsony]

Hi all

am in a very difficult situation now
i am married to a husband and he can never turn me on, despite discussed, he just goes with lubricant and penetrate. he thought through penetration i will be aroused but i wasnt, maybe because his penis was short to me. tbh i have no idea.

my concern is, lubricant has side effect and potential chemical in the body or might be causing cercival cancer, and sometimes i do have sexual frustration,

other concerns, he has oral odor, bad hygiene, this has been communicated, unable to improve, it's inbuilt, he doesnt brush teeth and shower in the morning. he finds it very troublesome
he has anxiety issues and had been on medication before we got married, and this resulted he has excessive sleep.. and if he doesnt sleep, his body wont be able to take it. which makes me feel disconnected and neglected. he requires to take 2-3hrs of nap daily.

i want second child so badly, i kinda have resentment towards him, but he doesnt want, we r financially very stable and more than sufficient to have second child.
other than that, he is a gentle man, and definitely wont cheat on me, family man, but neglect me and my child. i have been the caregvier to my child. he is living in the mindset that women shuld care more for kids, while he works outside.


statement:

i have a man who has been pursuing me lately, i see a chance to have a second child, he had bad temper. but not violent, he is also financially stable. he is willing to give up a lot of thgs and change for me of which he already done for me, he made some sacrficies for me, he gives me a hope to pursue and work on my dreams, he is also very active, unlike my spouse he prefers to nua/ rest the whole time, am someone who likes to travel and outdoors, he dotes on my child alot.


question:
should i divorce?

Do you still love him or not? From your write up, it seems he is still in love with you and trying to save the relationship. If you truly understand what love is, then sex shouldn't be a problems, there is always a way to handle it. And about the other man, no decent men will go after a married woman knowing his involvement would just ruin a family.