! Any advise from mummies with 2 kids?

preciousfaith07

preciousfaith07

Member
Hi mummies,
Im a bit stress by what I shd do. Im gonna deliver my 2nd baby in Jan'2011 and I am wondering if I shd get a confinement lady. My elder daughter will be 4 next year and will also start nursery in Jan'2011.

I always thought I shd be able to cope by myself becoz from experience of the 1st confinement. I hardly ate more than 2 meals becoz i had no appetite. I took care of my daughter round the clock becoz i breastfeed and dont express at all. That confinement lady got sacked after she need me to do mopping n cooking by myself. Maybe the problem will be on housework, I thought I can get those part-time cleaners to come to my house say 3 times a week to do simple housework.

I got reminded today that how can i carry my new born and bring my daughter down for school when my c-sect wound have not healed.

My husband is the sole breadwinner for now and i try to lighten his burden as much as i can. What should I do? My mum had passed away and my MIL is working. Hate the feeling that I need to rely on someone. Can mummies with 2 kids advise me how you went thru ur confinement? Is it possible to do it by ourselves?
 


hi julia,i'm also a mummy of 2, aged 3 & 5 now. I personally feel that it is quite difficult to cope by ourselves for the 2nd baby.Of coz if you can afford,it's better to get a confinement lady. I went through w/o a CL for my 1st baby at my mum's pl.I hv to take care of my baby most of the time n i nearly went crazy as my mum is also nt v xperience having giving birth so long ago.In the end, I engage a CL after a few days. Of coz for my 2nd baby, we engage a CL.My elder daughter is 2 yrs old n taken care by nanny at that time.I am fortunate that my nanny volunteers to come n fetch my girl in the morning as she lives jz opp. my block. Having 2nd baby,like what u hv mentioned,how r u gg to bring your daughter down with your new born? If you have the $,pls don't save on CL. Our health is most impt during this confinement stage.Furthermore,mentally n physically health are also impt.U can save on anything but not CL. Hope that u will pass this crucial period happily. ^-^
 
hi, i am also have two kids. I am luck to have my parent or in-laws to help me before the kids can be put in the childcare.
Agree with Chrisz,mentally n physically health are important. if money isn't a problem, then get some one to help you is much better.
 
Dear Chrisz & Wei,
Thanks for your advises. Recently I've met very nice and encouraging mummies here. Thanks.. I will definately think about it seriously.
happy.gif
 
hi julia

hope that u will be a happy & stress free mummy. as the chinese idom says 'chuan2 dao4 jiao2 tou2 zhi4 ran2 zhi2". ^-^
 
I am also a SAHM to 2 kids. I think for you to be able to carry the baby will be difficult. But you can always put the baby onto a stroller and then bring your girl down to school together. If it is quite far away, you may want to put your girl on school bus so it will be easier for you.

Doing everything yourself will really really be tiring for you. I had confinement lady for both kids. Really needed the rest. But I ate 5-6 meals a day cos I was really hungry after breastfeeding. If you can, take a confinement lady cos it will really help you rest during this critical month. Money can be saved in other ways after the confinement. Take that month to rest. You have more hard work coming up after your confinement.

Jia you! Jia you!
 
Julia,
OMG! I found someone in the same boat as me! xD I've a 13mos girl who I take care of, with no help (except hubby's).. And I'm pregnant with #2 (due in mid Apr).. I'm SO interested in your thread!

I had a "last minute" CL for my 1st.. 10am to 4pm.. Didn't help much.. This time round, not gonna hire one cos finance won't allow as hubby is the only breadwinner..

Intend to place #1 in childcare (18mos by then).. No choice, have to carry #2 to bring #1 to and fro when hubby's working.. He works shifts so he gets 3 or 4 off days a week, can help to fetch my girl to and fro..

Intended to hire a maid but cannot afford.. Would expect year 2011 to be very tough.. But no choice..

Intend to get tingkat (normal food) after the birth of #2.. No time to cook and cannot afford confinement tingkat.. Mom works, MIL is down with breast cancer.. Mom doesn't know how to cook (she's a "nu chiang ren".. Those super working, super freedom mom..) That's the best my family can do ba..

Any mommies got anymore suggestions?? Would appreciate a lot! TIA
 
Hi Julia and Pearly,

I am a working mum with 3 young kids - 4 year (turning 5 in Feb), 3 and 6 months.

When I had my first 2 kids, my confinements were in my MIL house. No confinement lady -only MIL and myself. Hubby at that time was working in China.Even though I don't have to cook and do housework during that period, I find it very tiring as I have to keep waking up for nite feed.
Daytime, still have to look after baby.

6 months ago, had my 3rd child. This time around, I had my confinement at my own place with the help of my mum. My mum voluntereed to look after my baby at nite but I declined coz it will be too tiring for her.

The reason why I don't want a CL/ maid is because me and my hubby feel uneasy having a stranger at home.

You must be mentally and physically prepared for not having a CL/maid. It will be super tiring! There's no time for yourself, esp this is your 2nd baby. Do remember that the elder kid will still need your attention. You have to juggle between baby, your elder kid and house chores.

So, if you can afford or is comfortable with having someone else at home, pls pls pls get yourself a helper/CL.
 
Wee S E,
Thanks for your advice~ xD I also wish I can hired a proper CL.. Someone who can help me overnight, especially.. My previous last minute CL was a very nice lady but she only did 10am-4pm.. Considering asking her again.. She charged us $900 excl food..

But, honestly, 10am to 4pm not really that much help..

10am - Sleep (once she gets here, like the appearance of an angel.. haha)
1-2pm - She wakes me for lunch..
2-4pm - Rest a bit then she goes off liao.. Sometimes she goes off at 3+ cos she has twin grandchildren to look after also..

She leaves dinner for me to heat up when I'm ready to eat, which I usually don't anyway.. Cos too tired, no appetite.. *haiz*

Then it's back to my nightmare again.. At night, I didn't get to sleep cos my hubby works day and he has to sleep at night.. Now, my hubby works night but he still has to sleep in the day.. *headache*
 
Hi there. I didn't have any CL for my first and second baby. For second baby, I have only confinement food sent to our place, I took care of my son by myself. Hubby sent my then 2 years old gal to school, then she spent some time with MIL. We didn't have any maid.

MIL help with some house work, but we just let the house be, during that period. My confinement not really a confinement, I still helped in the shop during busy days. I brought my son along to the shop.
 
Thanks mummies for all your advises and sharing of your experiences..

After lots of considerations, we hired a maid! Called several CLs but because Im due around 25th Jan'11, either they are taken up or they'll want to charge me like $2,500 for 22days (with leave on that 5 chinese new year days) or $3,200 for 28 days including chinese new yr's day. Thats soooo expensive isnt it?!

So my hubby n me reluctantly hired a maid
sad.gif
. We have never like the idea of a maid but oso i will never pay $3,200 for a CL! I find that getting a CL is "by luck" whether or not you get a good one! The lady at the agent told us that give ourselves say 5-6mths, if I can handle my kids by myself and have recovered, then, return the maid to them and they will refund me the bond that we have paid in advance.

After considering her advise then we agree to take up a maid.. I rather spread that $2k++ into 5-6mths on a maid rather than 1mth on a CL..

Pearly: If i had found a day time CL that cost $900, I would have gotten her ald! Cos my main worry is still about no one bringing my daughter down and fetching from school bus. Since the day we hired the maid, hubby n me having nitemares, dunt knoe hw it will be like having a stranger staying with us (mountain tortise right?
blush.gif
). I pray that God will send us good help.
 
Julia,
CL really very expensive hor.. *haiz* The luxuries of life become no more when no one can help us with confinement.. hehe..

Another reason my hubby prefer NOT to hire maid is becos he say it might add on to my stress of taking care of the newborn also.. Means I have to take care of #2, plus watch over #1 AND the maid.. *headache* So he agree with my friend that it's a better choice to send #1 to childcare loh..

My CL is not really a "formal" CL.. She's a friend of my MIL's cousin or something.. "Auntie network" de la.. xD Wat time is the school bus? Cos asking the CL to come help me, also may not be able to send my girl to CC in time.. So have to carry my #2 and walk with my #1 to CC loh.. Luckily just downstairs only.. hehe.. Anyway, we asked her to do for us again.. Not sure if she ok with it onot.. hehe.. Hope to hear good news from her loh..

As for maid agency, I hear it's easy to hire maid but not easy to "exchange/return".. Hope it goes well for u..

Everything will go well de.. Don't stress too much.. xD Take care!
 
Dear Julia

Glad that you managed to solve ur problem finally! Just to share with you, I have 2boys, aged 5 and 4yrs. Both were taken care of by me and hb during my confinement.

It was tough but we survived! What I've learnt is, support from Hb and friens works wonders!

Jia You! & Congrats on ur 2nd bb!
 
Hi Christine,
Wow.. your boys are only 1 yr apart. It must have been really tough on you.. good job mummy!

Making it thru the hard times, i believe nothing will wear you out now. May God bless you and your family with peace n joy this special season. Good luck n take care..
happy.gif
 
hi mommies, i gave birth 4 months ago and mine! I understand what it really means to be a mom of 2 young children.

though i have the luxury of maid, it's not a bed of roses. there's maid "issues" to take care of.

however, if you are interested in a good CL, email me 'cos I engaged CL for my 2 kids. She cooks for whole family (must state yr expectation) and takes care of me & bb really well, yes night feeds included. To find one good CL who loves your bb like yourself isn't easy & God blesses me with one.

yes, price for CL is really expensive now hovering 2K (non-peak season) to 3.8K (for CNY periods)...
 
Hi mommies, i had my 1st confinement at my mil house (3 yrs ago) and it was a nightmare. I was given lunch at 2.30pm and need to take care of my baby day and night, cos i was too tired and hungry to eat, mil will complain to my hubby tat i waste food and my hubby will ask me why i nvr finish my food. Recently just gave birth, it was a breeze as got CL and maid, really can rest well. I was not working during my 1st pregnancy but went back to workforce after delivery and currently also a SAHM.Health is still the most impt thing. take care
 
my CL which I hired for my 2nd delivery before also sucks !!! never wake up in the nite when my baby cries and the best part is keep on asking me not to BF but told me want to buy a pump for her daughter as she is going to due soon !!!
angry.gif
 
Hi Mummies, really happy to find this thread. I have just found out that I'm pregnant with #2 and my #1 is just going to be 1 yr old in 2 weeks time.. Feel so worried about many thing. I am still working at the moment. Any mummy who is having children 1 or 1.5 year apart, how do you manage to take care of #1 who is still learning to stand/walk (needs to be carried most of the time and needs your attention all of the time) and at the same time being heavily pregnant. Can share your experience ? TqTq

And also, I'm planning to hire a maid to help with the house chores. Although worried that not getting a good one.
 
Hi Julia,
Actually confinement period is very important for ladies. It is the crucial period for us to recover, replenish and recharge to get us back to normal.
Saving on CL unless you have relatives to help, I had bad experience with CL before but I also tried to pick up skills and dish cooking from them during that period, its a hell period for me but I had to so as not to add on burden to my hubby. So I suggest you use the money for CL to good use, like ordering tingkat confinement food and hire a maid to help.
If you are not comfortable with mai, then get a part time housekeeping purely for house work or request for her to bring your daughter down.
 
Hi. I am a FTWM of 2 - my girls were born only 15 months apart. They are now 4 and 5 years old. I delivered both girls via c-sect.

I can empathise with TS. When i returned home after delivering no. 2, my husband was sent overseas for 2 weeks and i had to take care of a newborn, an active 15-month old and myself!! I didn't do confinement but after having two kids, the husband finally gave in and allowed me to have a part-time helper who comes once a week to clean the house, iron clothes. He's not comfortable in having a live-in maid.

Things are easier now that the girls are older and they have been in a child care centre since they were a few months old.

mummy, it was hard in the beginning. i had complications with my 2nd pregnancy and was told not to carry my 1st born but how can i do that when she's just a baby herself? at that time we lived in a walk-up apartment on the 2nd floor. every working day was a task for me - push her in stroller every morning to child care centre, go to work, push her and bags back home (it's uphill on the way back) and then when we arrive, i usually leave all the stuff downstairs while i carry her up to the flat, leave her playing with toys and quickly walk down to pick up stroller and bags before coming back again. I did this until i was about 6-7 months pregnant. at that point, i was beyond exhausted but what did we do? moved home! yes, the husband decided that we couldn't stay there anymore so we moved home. so then i had to deal with finding a new place, packing and unpacking, making sure that no 1 accepts the new place and get ready for no 2.

but i am lucky that i have family to count on for help, especially for those time when i need to catch up on sleep or when i need some alone time.
 
Accept offers of help from relatives and friends you trust.

Any help is better than none at all.

And these will form your support network.

All the best!
 
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