Advise on Baby & Maid Exps

Hi hi koh (liling), I just came upon this thread ...

B4 the maid arrives, you gotto get mattress/blanket/pillow (need nt be bed) & drawer/cupboar space for her to put her clothes. (Ours sleep on sofa bed in my kid's room)

I prepare shampoo + soap + towel + toothbrush + toothpaste (no shower gel as even my hubby & myself use soap) so that I pick the brand, not her. I also buy sanitary napkin for her. Dun need to buy every mth lah.

But other cost ... medical (if she falls sick + every 6mths MOM requirement checkup $38) ... dental (mine had rotton tooth and till fever/headache and it cost me $80+ @ subsidised polyclicnic but I think nowaday law change polyclinic dont subsidise anymore)... household expense every since she arrive my water + electricity all went up 50%-70% more... food & groceries also increased abt 30%, imagine feeding another adult.

But do consider your alternatives carefully before getting maid. Really alot of problem ...

If you become SAHM, perhaps you can nanny another older kid $500-600/mth. Or you can do part-time cleaner $15/hr x 2 hrs x 3 times wkly x 26 days a mth = $360. If u take 2 hseholds, it'll be $720. You can discuss with hubby to do it when ur hubby home to look after baby. Or tele-markteer. Is there a Family Service Centre @ your area? They can advise some part-time job they can get for you too ...

Should you decide to quit, certainly do that after 3mth confinement leave.

Think out of the box on owning a flat. Just imagine you pay rent $350 x 12 mth= $4200/yr. If you are 30yrs old & wk till 60 yrs old, so you can live another 30 yrs. Your rental for 30 yrs will be $126K.

Owning a 3 room flat @ Sengkang is $84K-$123K + renovation $20K min. So total approx $150K. As you cant take full loan, you'll still hv to cough up the deposit + renovation $$. And HDB will give you a loan of 20-30 yrs, of which you are just paying loan interest for 1st 10 yrs. SO meaning to own a flat, you actually payout at least $200K for the next 30 years.

BTW, did you know that if you rent 2 room from HDB (household income $800-1.5K) rental is $165.
 


kook_car,
Your advise is good ! As I have told Koh earlier, getting a maid does not solve her problem. She needs to think of other ways to reduce her expenses and earn extra income.

Our kids don't care how much money we have. What they need is Mommy's love and attention.
 
hi kook_car,
wah very sound advise.

hi koh,
try to tahan till maternity leave is over, at least u know u have income coming in during that time.
 
my maid on and off always feel sick, apply medicated oil and she cannot tell me what wrong. Ask her see doctor she says no need.

I see her like so sickly.also sian.
 
emma..

think ur maid just wanna chao gei.. mine last time oso like that.. say she vomit la.. this n that.. when no one actualli see her vomitting.. !!
 
walt&xan,
how come you changed your nick? you are jo right? cause i recognised both your ds names mah...heehee...
happy.gif
 
Emma, since ur maid dun wanna see doc, then you make her take home remedy lah. My maid will make herself ginger tea (pound giner & add hot water) to drink whenever she felt flu coming or vomit.

I'll tell her to inform me if she fever/cough/sore throat. Then I'll give her panadol/cough syrup/lozenges accordingly. Told her it is not just for her own good, but the kids too. Otherwise she'll spread to children.

And after 1 yr of good service with us, we bought multi-vit for her. She fell ill less thereafter.
 
kook, missk,
i've been in this thread for quite some time already. started off way back when i didn't have a maid, so just read thru all the advice given. then about 7-8mths ago i finally decided to get a maid, esp to help me with housework, and just so happen a mummy on the forum was looking to transfer her maid.
happy.gif
 
missk,
not much lah! usually when my dd is napping in the afternoon (about 1hr) then at night after she goes to bed. i don't just visit this forum, i also check emails, surf other websites, etc.
 
lani, yah ..same ..I try to limit my time on the internet. It was difficult at first. It can be so addictive. Time passes by without me even realising.
 
Lani & missk

Think we can start a thread on internet addiction mommies...
biggrin.gif


I read somewhere that some of the syptoms of internet addiction, ... if a person spends more than 2 hr @ an internet everyday, ... and feel impulsive to turn on the PC and check mail everyday.
 
Mummies,
Can you tell if the maid is lying when she said she has headache or stomache? The doc can't tell and I'm not sure whether to believe them or not?
 
sarah's mom,
it's really hard to say. must look at your maid and her characteristic - is she the type to usually tell lies or hardly ever? is she the type who usually tries to skive and get away with things, or hardly ever? sometimes your gut feeling/instinct can also help tell you if your maid is lying or is genuine.
 
Re: Internet addiction
My record is 8 hours of surfing a day
happy.gif


Sarah's mom,
If you have brought her to see the doctor, and the doctor cannot find anything wrong with her, then she is lying. Is she doing it very often ?
 
Hi mummies,

When you bring your helper to see the doctor, do you follow her into the doctor's consultation room?
Do you get your helper to tell the doctor what's wrong with her or you tell the doctor on her behalf?
What do you do if your helper said something different from the symptoms you've observed?
 
Lani/Tamarind,
My maid has been with us for only two weeks. Dun really know her in the first few days when she was with us. I got her tampe, long beans, sardine, chicken franks, fish balls etc for her to prepare her own lunch. Once I asked her why din she eat the veg, she said she had stomache.

Yesterday, she pulled a long face on the way to my dad's place (for his b'day celebration). My mum asked her what happened and she said she has headache. She had lied few times in other matters within the two weeks. So I really can't tell. I got her to take the panadol with water and she took it hesitantly. Right after, she rushed to the toilet and tried to vommit like a preggie woman. I stood there and watch, nothing came out of her mouth except one panadol and a spat of blood.

While waiting to see the doc, asked her why she looked so angry just now. SHe said coz I did not talk to her. I told her I did not expect myself to talk to her like a peer anymore since she breached my trust with lies and beating my baby's butt (caught her doing that when I came home from the back gate last week)

Followed her to the consultation room and she told the doc tt she feel hot, sore throat, cough/running nose, and headache. But when I asked her in my dad's place, she only said headache. I did ask her if her throat was painful and she said no. She even told doc that she had cough since she was in Indonesia. She was a transferred maid with 1st employer for two months. I asked her on the spot why the first boss did not bring her to see doc, she said they didn't believe her. I said I din hear her cough too and she said she only coughed at night.

Doc did all the examinations n told me that she din have sore throat, fever, running nose, n blood pressure okay. Except that he couldn't tell if she genuinely had headache. He suggested tt we get her medical report from the agency. The spat of blood was due to when one tried to cough or vommit very hard, a small little blood capillary will break, its not a major concern as the doc explained.

On the way back to my dad's place, I asked her why she din tell the doc during her 1st medical checkup abt her cough. She said she couldn't understand the doc as he spoke Chinese. I insisted tt all docs in Singapore speak English and then she said, the doc spoke to her "friend" in Chinese. I told her that her friend is not allowed to be in when performing medical checkup. Then she twisted saying "I dun know, he is an indian doc." I jumped at her as she was trying to confuse the world. I yelled at her and said how could an indian doc speaks Chinese. Again, she said "I dun know he speak to his friend." And I said, even if he spoke Chinese with his friend, that has nothing to do with you??? My quesion was simple. I just want to know why din you tell the doc abt your condition when you first did your medical checkup? She became frustrated and raise little of her voice at me.

My hb confronted her abt the indian doc, and she turned around saying that she din mention the word Chinese. I was so angry and lost my temper at her for mincing her words. She then told my hb that she din understand my question and hence lied to me. Really doesn't make sense...

After yesterday's incident, she lied again. Two days ago when I checked her belongings for the first time, I did not find any panties of hers. She claimed that she was wearing one and had soaked the other two for wash. Yesterday, I bought 3 for her and chanced upon the agency declaration after tt she should have 5. Today, I asked her to show me all of her 3 and she said she had thrown them. I asked her to go to the rubbish chute outside to search and show me as the rubbish collector will not come until days later. Then, in few mins., she said she actually had only one and had threw away. Asked her why she lied and she kept quiet. She had been lying conveniently and I had difficulty telling whether she is speaking the truth.

Once I commented tt her T-shirt is nice and she said her mum made it. The T-shirt doesn't seems home tailored to me. I asked to see the label and it said made in Thailand. Strange...Then, few days later, she told my mum tt she doesn't have parents as she grew up in orphanage home. I asked her why then she told me tt the T-shirt was made by her mum, and she said its not her real mom. Sigh...twist and turn her words. Its not like she tell lies in 1 or 2 occasions to defend herself. But she could even tell lies in a casual chat...I suspect that its her habit.
 
Sarah's mom,
Your maid is certainly a liar. It is not advisable to keep a maid who tells lies so often. No need to get angry with her or scold her, this type of maid will never change. Just quietly send her back.

blueberries,
I normally don't follow the maid into the doctor's room. I find it unnecessary.
 
Oh...dun need to follow the helper into the consultation room ah?
My situation is a bit like sarah's mom on the doctor seeing part....my helper was with us for 1 night only and the next day I found that she kept clearing her throat....ahem, ahem the whole day through. Then the next day, she came down with running nose. We gave her some cold tablets and wanted to bring her to see the doctor, but her passport was not with us, so had to arrange to collect her passport from the agent. Delayed one more day then brought her to the doctor. Din kn whether she kns how to tell the doctor her symptoms so followed her into the consultation room. Was a bit surprised to hear her telling the doctor that she had a fever and she vomitted, but we din observe these and she never tell us when we asked her, and she wasn't having a fever when the nurse took her temp in the clinic. Also, she chose not to tell the doctor abt her "ahems" symptoms until I confronted her in front of the doctor. So, makes me think if I din follow her into the consultation room, I wouldn't kn what she had told the doctor. Anyway, her running nose got better after taking the medicine, but her "ahems" came back after her medication finished. Dun kn what to do 'cos cannot always see doctor, right? Really makes me wonder if she has got any pre-existing health problems though her medical report shows she's clear
sad.gif
.
 
blueberries,
I just brought my new maid for her medical checkup. The clinic nurse told me that the medical report checks only pregnancy, AIDS and other sexually transmitted disease. Nothing else ! I was a bit paranoid, so I asked the doctor to do the Hep A and B test also, got to pay extra money. Turns out my maid is OK, even got antibodies for Hep B.

The medical report really does not help. I got one ex-maid, who told me that she has high blood pressure, always feel faint and is on medication ! I sent her back very quickly.

The reason why I don't follow my maid into the consultation room, is because if she wants to work for me, she better get well soon. I don't care what she said to the doctor. If she continues to be sick, I am not going to spend money bringing her to the doctor again, I am just going to send her back to the agency and get a new maid.

Anyway you may want to observe your maid longer. If she continues to look sick, then she could be have low immunity. If you are very kind hearted, you may want to buy her some multi-vitamins to strengthen her body. But if it's me, I would most likely change a new maid.

In any case, you should trust the doctor, if he says there is nothing wrong with her, then she is the one who is lying.

I still remember when I was younger, I went to the polyclinic and told the doctor that I feel faint. Thinking I can get MC. The doctor took my blood pressure, said there was nothing wrong with me, and refused to give me MC !
 
huh? Got to bring helper to do extra tests? Alamak! I dun kn....thot it's a full body check-up but the medical report that I got from the agent looks v sketchy lor. I tot it's like that one 'cos a lot of doctors' writing like "chicken feet scratching in the sand". Aiyah, this is the 3rd week she's w me liao!
Must bring it up to HB later....can share with me where you send your helper for check-up and how much it cost?
 
blueberries,
I brought her to a clinic in Jurong Point. The medical checkup required by MOM costs about $26 (pregnancy, AIDS test only) The Hep A and B tests about $60. Anyway I did the extra tests because I don't want someone with Hep A and B and infect my family with it. It's up to you whether you want to do it or not. If you want to check for heart disease, lung problems, it will cost more.

In any case, unless you send her for health screening, you will not be able to detect everything that is wrong with her. Health screening can costs a few hundred dollars.

Don't need to worry lah. If the maid does not look healthy and is sick all the time, why spend any more money for her to see doctor ? There are many other healthy maids out there.
 
Oh, never realized that my previous posting for so long...Grandmother's story.

Tamarind,
I sent my maid for counselling this evening. Agent asked me to leave my maid with him for half hr. My maid admitted to him tt she had the habit of lying since in Indonesia. Claimed that she will correct the habit. Keep my finger cross..Saw her medical report,which is really brief and consists of only 1 page. Will call agent if it covers the hep a and b test. Overlooked this point. Thanks for highlighting...

Blueberries,
Did the doc comment anything abt her "ahem"? Or prescribed anything to clear her throat? If not, maybe the doc did not see that as a concern. You might want to expedite her recovery by getting her to drink lotsa water. Today, I insisted that my maid drank two glasses of water in my presence each time, at every two hours interval. First two glasses, she nearly threw up and looked at me hoping that I would stop forcing her. But she could drink the other 2 glasses much faster at the next interval.
 
sarah's mom,
yes can tell your maid is definitely a compulsive liar. this type of behaviour a bit hard to change leh, cause it's a disease.

with regards to maid's standard medical checkup. yes, it's only to test for pregnancy, aids. thats all. if you want anything else done then you gotta pay extra for it. you can bring to ANY s'pore registered doctor, so i just brought my maid to the clinic in front of my house.

when my maid went for medical checkup, i did not go into the room with her (she can speak & understand english fairly well), but i did request to the clinic asst. that i wanted to speak to the doctor 1st before my maid goes in to see him. so when it was my maid's turn the clinic asst called me and asked me to go inside the room 1st. after i spoke to him then he examined my maid.
 
missk,
Good point about TB. For those maids who keep coughing, who knows whether they got TB or not ?

Hi all,
Even if a maid pass the medical report, it does not mean that she is healthy. It is the maid agency's responsibility to make sure that they give you a healthy maid. I got a maid from Nation before, paid about $500 in agency fee. This maid kept sweating like rain coming out of her body. I went to question the staff at Nation. You know what she told me ? She waved the medical report and told me that the maid has passed the test, I can't complain to MOM about the agency. So angry with them.

Sarah's mom,
My advise to you is do not keep her. I made a mistake to keep a maid who always tell lies. In the end she did terrible things that could hurt my kids.
 
Sarah's mom,
I think a lot of Indo maids like to tell lies and does it so well that it becomes a habit or seems nothing to them. Sometimes, you want some truthful answer from them, they will give you a bunch of excuses or say something else, or push the blame on somebody's else as to protect or hide themselves. So this kind of person you want them to change or not to tell lies are rather simply difficult. If she keep doing it, maybe you should consider another maid.
 
Gd morning, ladies
happy.gif
.

Sarah's mom
The doc prescribe her lozenges 'cos she was having the symptoms of flu at that time when I brought her to the clinic. But I did observe that the doc spent quite a bit of time listening to her breathing with his stethescope (sp?).

Anyway, thanks to all for the advice. Now I know the standard medical checkup done by the agent covers so little. Regrettably, I din kn earlier. Think I need to seriously consider sending my helper for additional tests for the peace of mind 'cos I'm currently preggie and I've got young ones at home. Hope all turns out well.
 
lani..

u damn sharp le! hahha.. my nick kana suspended.. hai.. long story.. nvm.. forget it.. start afresh with the new nick.. oso my fav.. waltxan.
 
Lani/Tamarind/KC,
I am really hesitant to change as she's my 4th maid within 6 months. I sent my 1st maid away for telling a lie abt the capsicum (she got sent away by her next employer). 2nd maid (Myanmar) coz she has no initiative, wanted to colour her hair red and looked for Singapore husband (she got sent away by her next employer too). 3rd maid (Myanmar) told lies and gave my address to other people residing in Singapore, n my bb was scared of her.
I am not sure if MOM would grant me the next Work Permit, also, what if I got a worst maid since all maids lie..
But I've seen learnt a lesson, I will not treat my maid like friend when they first arrived.
 
Sarah's mom,
Have you tried getting a maid who has worked in Singapore for at least 3 years for the same employer ? You can check her employment history in MOM online. Usually these maids have not much problem, otherwise she would have been sent back already.

Jo or Walt&Xan,
Even if you come back with a new nick, the administrator or moderators can ban your IP address permanently.
 
Jo:
Seems like u are in the mess of the milk powder thing? If you are being wrongly accused, pls come forward and explain to CL or to the group of mummies who have bought the milk powder(which i am of one of them) or the single mum's donation thing.... Otherwise, pple will be mislead even if there is any misunderstanding involved.
 
Tamarind,
Thanks for sharing with us abt using WP online to check history. I did what you taught last time and hence knew that my 1st and 2nd maid got kicked out by their next employer after me within 1-2 months.

Guess what. I left for my lunch just now and came back to find that she did not wash my guest's toilet. But only changed floor mat and wiped the vanity top. I asked her politely to wash the toilet when I found out and she lied that she had done so. After confrontation, she finally admitted that she did not. What a liar..
 
emma,
i admit that i don't do it all the time. but my maid is very very good, so when she does do something i will say thank you. if however if my maid is horrible i doubt i will ever say thank you to her.

is your hubby the type who is naturally polite and says thank you to everyone, even to you? or he only says it to the maid? if it's the 1st situation then maybe he is just being himself, but if 2nd situation then maybe you talk to him nicely and indrectly, and tell him no need to thank the maid all the time? that she's after all just doing her job? for eg, does he ever say thank you to you for clearing dishes after dinner, for washing the plates, for hanging laundry, etc? if he doesn't then ask him why then must he thank the maid for doing such chores ard the house?
 
emma, why does it make you mad? your hubby's just being polite and courteous to a fellow human being, basic manners i would think. I mean if he thanks her for washing the dishes i would think it's too much but if he's thanking her for like bringing him a snack or a cup of coffee i see no reason why it should make you mad if he thanks her.

when i ask my maid to like bring me a glass of water while i look after my DD, i would thank her. Saying please and thank you to anyone whether maids, sales people, waiters, your parents, hb, child etc is just good manners and right conduct anyway --- remember the government's courtesy campaign???
 
Emma,
I actually make it a point to say "Please" and "Thank you" to my maid. I do it because my kids are watching, and I want them to learn good manners. I also make my girl say please and thank you to the maid. Young kids cannot understand that a maid is paid to work for us. To them the maid is another adult. If we want our kids to respect us, we have to teach them to respect the maid too.

Sarah's mom,
If my maid lied that she has wash the toilet, but I suspect she hasn't, I will say "It's not clean enough, wash it again". I will make her clean until I am satisfied.

This is the problem when you have a maid that lies, you will never know what is the truth. I will advise you never to leave your kids alone with her.

Lani,
I so envy you have a very very good maid ! Next time you don't need the maid must pass to me OK ? Must put me at the top of your waiting list
happy.gif
 
KC,
Both Jo and waltxan accounts have been suspended already. I think Chin Leng would have suspended her IP address too. Don't think she can reply anymore. Unless she go and find an outside PC to register a new NICK. Actually I don't know anything about the milk powder thing, missed the entire episode.
 
Tamarind, same reason also for me... we always have to set a good example to the kids else they will grow up disrepecting us too.. besides, think it's basic courtesy to say thank you and please.

Re maids in general, it's very worrying that there are so many mums on here with problems with their maids. I was talking to my hb about this and we were wondering why the government isn't doing something about lying/stealing/problematic maids. Specially those that may cause irreparable harm to our children and other family members, pets included! Is there no counselling that could be given these maids outside of their embassies to determine where their problem lies? Could it be homesickness? Spoiled by expats? Laziness?

I've helped one of the mums here in the forum speak to her Filipina maid and don't mind helping other mums too... just send me a PM.
 
Tamarind,
Since she admitted that she lied, I asked her to wash the toilet right away. She was in the toilet for a while, came back and said washed. I checked and to my disappointment, she lied again!! When I followed her to get the cleaning tools, realized that she hasn't been brushing the toilet tiles since second day of her arrival. She even kept my dd's comb and toys (for chewing and water play) in the rack with all the household detergents) at the maid's toilet.
Later in the evening, when I prepared for bb's dinner with cheese. Realised that all the cheese are gone. She then admitted that she ate them. Inaddition, she had also admitted that she ate approx. 4 small tub of my baby's yogurts while feeding her. I'm quite sure that she was using the same baby spoon (dare not ask further as I'm afraid to hear the truth.) I did not send her for the hep A n B and TB examination. Really worried...
I gave her a dressing down again (one in the afternoon regarding toilet). She then went to her room and packed her bag asking us to send her to the agency.
 
sarah's mum,
since she already packed her bag and asked you to send her to agency then you know what to do already right? send her off! obviously she is not repentent over what she did, as she jolly well knows that if you don't like the way she does things she can just ask to be sent back to agency and be transferred to another employer! to her the problem is easily solved! besides, it is no longer safe to have her in the house, esp since she is taking care of your bb. reading what you wrote, about all the things she did, really makes my blood boil!

when it comes to maids that have just started working for you, you need to be very diligent in checking on them, doing spot checks, asking them things, showing them things, observing them do their work, etc.

when my maid 1st started working for me i really left no stones unturned when it came to training her and showing her EVERYTHING and how EVERYTHING in the house has to be done/kept, etc according to my standards. then when she started doing all the chores i would also observe and immed correct her if anything were done wrongly. even today after working for me for almost 7mths, i still do spot checks on her work and i never hesitate to point out any mistakes and get her to correct them immed. she knows i am diligent when it comes to this so it keeps her on her toes.

tamarind,
ok will keep you in mind. but then actually hor, i also intend to keep my maid for as long as possible leh! i am really hoping she will agree to renew her contract! i am even willing to give her a pay increment!
 
Lani,
Yah I know once you found a good maid, why would you let her go right ? I still haven't found a very good maid yet
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Sarah's mom,
I am shocked that your maid ate your baby's food ! So sickening. One of the rules (I got about 30 rules) for my maid is that she cannot eat anything unless I give it to her. I told her that we will be very angry if we cannot find our food. My maid respects this rule. If you have already told your maid this rule and she still breaks it, then there is no point keeping her.

I totally agree with Lani that we have to be very diligent checking the maid, every single day that they work for us.

Patsy,
You mention before that you grow up in a household with 4 maids, right ?

The main problem with maids in Singapore, is that most households only have 1 maid, and expect that maid to do everything, from taking care of babies to cleaning the house to cooking. On top of that, maids are expected to be honest, hardworking and cheerful. Our expectation for the maid is simply too high.

I got 2 maids now. One maid is to look after my father who was ill. Since my father has recovered already, I also ask her to help watch my kids. She is honest, reliable and very attentive. But she is very slow in doing housework. The second maid is to take care of my kids, cook and do housework. She respects all my houserules, follows all instructions, mild and soft spoken. But she is also slow and not much initiative.

If I were to use only one of them, I would be very stressed out. But with 2 of them together, I got no problem ! You see my point ?

But then it will be a heavy burden to me to continue to use 2 maids, so my aim is still to find a "super" maid so that I only need one maid !
 


Tamarind: totally see your point! it does put us employers in a dilema sometimes coz we want the maids to look after our babies well, but at the same time, must follow our standards in terms of cleanliness, then cook according to what we like too! Like you said, super maid!! That's why for me, i've learned to be less demanding on things I don't consider that critical, but make sure that anything to do with my DD is done as per what I ask her, specially coz my daughter has a heart condition and has to avoid getting sick as much as possible! For us, I cook dinner everynight (my HB helps) but I will leave instructions with her if i need anything prepared. So far my maid is quite ok, very neat and tidy (think Lani met her at one of the birthday parties) so I consider myself quite lucky I found her. it does help too that i was able to do a trial with her before i brought her back here to singapore so I knew exactly what I was getting.

Would it be an option for you to assess one of your maids, motivate her to work better and keep her and let the other go? Try the reward system perhaps? If your kids are a bit bigger they won't need such constant supervision anyway, right? At least you have less financial burden of supporting 2 maids!
 
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