Advise on Baby & Maid Exps
- Thread starter erkerk
- Start date
Kalyn, Did I say you guys cant change maids? Did I say you cant post your thoughts here? Please re-read my post. This is a public forum. There are always alternative views whether you like it or not.
Tamarind, Im sure you are the sensible one. Harsh may my post be, but the essence of my point is there. It's not sugar-coated at all because it's done to death and it doesnt get through when most here like to wallow in self pity and get support for what they've done irregardless whether it is the right or humane thing to do.
Yes, this is a 'support' group and all but does it make it perfectly alright for some to encourage underhanded tactics to make a maid bow and kowtow to the employers? Surely not.
So what if I had a good maid or a bad maid or none at all? Does it mean I cannot highlight the fact that some of you are treating your maids ludicrously? And that this should be given a pat on the back?
I know by posting my differing views, I will get flamed like a little withhunt. But Ive said my piece and I dont regret it.
Better luck with all your maids next time.
Tamarind, Im sure you are the sensible one. Harsh may my post be, but the essence of my point is there. It's not sugar-coated at all because it's done to death and it doesnt get through when most here like to wallow in self pity and get support for what they've done irregardless whether it is the right or humane thing to do.
Yes, this is a 'support' group and all but does it make it perfectly alright for some to encourage underhanded tactics to make a maid bow and kowtow to the employers? Surely not.
So what if I had a good maid or a bad maid or none at all? Does it mean I cannot highlight the fact that some of you are treating your maids ludicrously? And that this should be given a pat on the back?
I know by posting my differing views, I will get flamed like a little withhunt. But Ive said my piece and I dont regret it.
Better luck with all your maids next time.
Elektra
i didnt quote u saying "cant change maids".. but the fact is that mummies change.. but i would like to quote this that u say "If you seem to be having probs with all 6 maids, does this not reflect the management style you have which may be the one creating all these problems in the first place? ".. how we managed maids here has got nothing to do with u.. its seems like a personal attack to the bunch of mummies here.. "There are horror maids and horror employers alike."
anyway.. u dun talk.. no one will say u are mute! hahhaha
i didnt quote u saying "cant change maids".. but the fact is that mummies change.. but i would like to quote this that u say "If you seem to be having probs with all 6 maids, does this not reflect the management style you have which may be the one creating all these problems in the first place? ".. how we managed maids here has got nothing to do with u.. its seems like a personal attack to the bunch of mummies here.. "There are horror maids and horror employers alike."
anyway.. u dun talk.. no one will say u are mute! hahhaha
Elektra..
wat makes u think that Kalyn & Jo are the same person? u mean both of us cant b using the same PC rite now at the same place? use ur pig brain la.. i think u are the silly one.. coming in here to go on personal attacks n get scolding instead from other mummies!
wat makes u think that Kalyn & Jo are the same person? u mean both of us cant b using the same PC rite now at the same place? use ur pig brain la.. i think u are the silly one.. coming in here to go on personal attacks n get scolding instead from other mummies!
Hahaha this is so funny ! May be Tamarind and Jo are the same person, because we both changed so many maids !
I consider everyone who post in this thread a friend, and when I write, I imagine myself talking to that person face to face. Even if I do not agree with what that person has done, I do not launch personal attacks. Do you do that to a friend, or even to someone you barely know ? It's basic courtesy. Hope that everyone who posts in this thread can keep this in mind, so that we can keep it a peaceful place for all mommies to come in and share their thoughts and feelings. Different opinions are welcome, but do not turn it into a flaming war.
I consider everyone who post in this thread a friend, and when I write, I imagine myself talking to that person face to face. Even if I do not agree with what that person has done, I do not launch personal attacks. Do you do that to a friend, or even to someone you barely know ? It's basic courtesy. Hope that everyone who posts in this thread can keep this in mind, so that we can keep it a peaceful place for all mommies to come in and share their thoughts and feelings. Different opinions are welcome, but do not turn it into a flaming war.
agree with tamarind,
if u dun agree with wat others might have said, u can voice out but not launch personal attacks. we might have been victims of our maids but that doesn't mean we r not nice to them. the safety n well being of our family members including ourselves r in the hands of our maids.
if u dun agree with wat others might have said, u can voice out but not launch personal attacks. we might have been victims of our maids but that doesn't mean we r not nice to them. the safety n well being of our family members including ourselves r in the hands of our maids.
Elektra,
Be it a personal attack to one person or the whole lot of mummies here, I think you should keep 'harsh' comment to yourself.
We are ALL here for ONE purpose that is to pour our hearts, give support, give advices, learn from each other on how to tackle situtation better BECOZ we need SUPPORT and listening ears and not to critise anyone. If any one is not happy to any approach, we may give advice or 'listen'. Dont need to create war here nor TO BOMBARD, PEOPLE!
Do you know it is no fun time changing maids again and again? I guess no one of right mind enjoys doing that. Imagine the pain and effort, the money, time, training, retraining, adapting a new person, and lots more of whatever....it is really a toll for us on top of what we have on hand! SO just be considerate and go away since you do not like to see some comments and BESIDES you are not very welcomed here.
Be it a personal attack to one person or the whole lot of mummies here, I think you should keep 'harsh' comment to yourself.
We are ALL here for ONE purpose that is to pour our hearts, give support, give advices, learn from each other on how to tackle situtation better BECOZ we need SUPPORT and listening ears and not to critise anyone. If any one is not happy to any approach, we may give advice or 'listen'. Dont need to create war here nor TO BOMBARD, PEOPLE!
Do you know it is no fun time changing maids again and again? I guess no one of right mind enjoys doing that. Imagine the pain and effort, the money, time, training, retraining, adapting a new person, and lots more of whatever....it is really a toll for us on top of what we have on hand! SO just be considerate and go away since you do not like to see some comments and BESIDES you are not very welcomed here.
ladies,
let's not get too emotional and carried away here. i believe everyone is entitled to their own opinions, no matter how controversial or extreme they may be. we may not agree with some of them, but then we still need to respect others' opinions. however, being responsible adults that we all are, we all need to be accountable for our own opinions and be prepared for the consequences, esp. if we post them on a public forum for all to see.
elektra,
i can understand where you're coming from. i agree with some of your points, to an extent. i consider myself extremely fortunate, since i am a 1st time maid employer and somehow managed to find an extremely woderful maid working for me. sometimes, the way we manage our maids do have an impact on their attitude and performance, but it may not be true with some other maids. i have seen my fair share of maids with bad attitudes and repeated poor work performance (from close friends and family members) and i can tell you that sometimes, even with good management and a caring attitude, some of the maids have taken advantage of the employers or grossly abused their trust. i guess we really need to assess the maid individually and see what management style suits them best (just like managing employees and subordinates in an office! remember Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs theory??). some maids may respond better to a more hands-on management style, while others respond better to a more hands-off style.
anyway, when it comes to my online postings, i live by this motto, "if i have nothing good or positive to say, i just don't say anything". it helps to keep the peace.
let's not get too emotional and carried away here. i believe everyone is entitled to their own opinions, no matter how controversial or extreme they may be. we may not agree with some of them, but then we still need to respect others' opinions. however, being responsible adults that we all are, we all need to be accountable for our own opinions and be prepared for the consequences, esp. if we post them on a public forum for all to see.
elektra,
i can understand where you're coming from. i agree with some of your points, to an extent. i consider myself extremely fortunate, since i am a 1st time maid employer and somehow managed to find an extremely woderful maid working for me. sometimes, the way we manage our maids do have an impact on their attitude and performance, but it may not be true with some other maids. i have seen my fair share of maids with bad attitudes and repeated poor work performance (from close friends and family members) and i can tell you that sometimes, even with good management and a caring attitude, some of the maids have taken advantage of the employers or grossly abused their trust. i guess we really need to assess the maid individually and see what management style suits them best (just like managing employees and subordinates in an office! remember Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs theory??). some maids may respond better to a more hands-on management style, while others respond better to a more hands-off style.
anyway, when it comes to my online postings, i live by this motto, "if i have nothing good or positive to say, i just don't say anything". it helps to keep the peace.
I personally feel that if we are really not pleased with our maid when they did something seriously wrong, there shd not be second chance..
My new maid does gets on my nerve but minor mistakes and my hubby keeps telling me not to be affected by it, not worth it..but how not to be affected..
That day my mom complained to me says she never ask her and take out all the vege in the fridge and cut them up..i already told her b4 to wait for instruction..
My new maid does gets on my nerve but minor mistakes and my hubby keeps telling me not to be affected by it, not worth it..but how not to be affected..
That day my mom complained to me says she never ask her and take out all the vege in the fridge and cut them up..i already told her b4 to wait for instruction..
elektra,
i dun think any of the mummies here r interested in changing maids for the sake of feeling "superior", like u said. it's a hassle to train a new maid n get used to a new person in the house. just bcos jo din go into the specifics of all the mistakes her maids commit every day does not mean that there were no mistakes made. to make judgements of another person's attitude based on public forum postings is really hasty, harsh n unnecessary.
btw, i appreciate where u r coming fr, but saying that there needs to be good management is quite a motherhood statement. many pple focus on how gd managers motivate their employees. however, pple forget that a gd manager is also one who knows when to cut losses. firing an ineffective maid is also a form of gd management.
i dun think any of the mummies here r interested in changing maids for the sake of feeling "superior", like u said. it's a hassle to train a new maid n get used to a new person in the house. just bcos jo din go into the specifics of all the mistakes her maids commit every day does not mean that there were no mistakes made. to make judgements of another person's attitude based on public forum postings is really hasty, harsh n unnecessary.
btw, i appreciate where u r coming fr, but saying that there needs to be good management is quite a motherhood statement. many pple focus on how gd managers motivate their employees. however, pple forget that a gd manager is also one who knows when to cut losses. firing an ineffective maid is also a form of gd management.
Lani,
Thanks for the advice on baju. Will take note of your tips.
Ladies
It's a fact not everyone is lucky to meet good maids but if you do please appreciate them. I have learnt that there is no perfect maid. As long as they look after your little ones well some things can close one eye. My maid is a glutton she was caught lying for eating our private food by chance. I am more concerned over the fact that she lied than she eating the food so had a pep talk with her. It seems she finds it hard to suppress her desire to eat what we have and she is too shy to ask even though we told her to be oen and ask for permission. So to solve the matter she will spend $10 a month to buy what she likes to eat (titbits) other than the main meals so she feel at ease eating without having to sneak around.
Thanks for the advice on baju. Will take note of your tips.
Ladies
It's a fact not everyone is lucky to meet good maids but if you do please appreciate them. I have learnt that there is no perfect maid. As long as they look after your little ones well some things can close one eye. My maid is a glutton she was caught lying for eating our private food by chance. I am more concerned over the fact that she lied than she eating the food so had a pep talk with her. It seems she finds it hard to suppress her desire to eat what we have and she is too shy to ask even though we told her to be oen and ask for permission. So to solve the matter she will spend $10 a month to buy what she likes to eat (titbits) other than the main meals so she feel at ease eating without having to sneak around.
courage,
you're welcome. and that idea you came up with for your maid - i think it's brilliant! it definitely shows flexibility and compromise on your part.
my maid is the opposite of yours leh, when it comes to eating. she wants to lose weight so badly, so is constantly on a diet (ie. will skip meals or eat very very little). until i always have to get her to eat, and i even ever had to give her a pep talk, about how it is very unhealthy to skip meals and eat so little, esp since she is doing housework, etc. i told her we don't want her to fall sick, and if we have a maid that constantly falls sick, we may be forced to change maid liao.
you're welcome. and that idea you came up with for your maid - i think it's brilliant! it definitely shows flexibility and compromise on your part.
my maid is the opposite of yours leh, when it comes to eating. she wants to lose weight so badly, so is constantly on a diet (ie. will skip meals or eat very very little). until i always have to get her to eat, and i even ever had to give her a pep talk, about how it is very unhealthy to skip meals and eat so little, esp since she is doing housework, etc. i told her we don't want her to fall sick, and if we have a maid that constantly falls sick, we may be forced to change maid liao.
dancestrella
New Member
Hi, I've been following this thread with interest cos I'm getting a maid to help out. She's arriving tomorrow. Right now, I'm a little freaked out by the horror stories, but I've also got some good pointers on how to manage her off this thread.
Tamarind, saw a letter to ST Forum about a maid which sounds a lot like your case. Kudos to you if you wrote it - hopefully MOM can take some action to prevent undesirable maids from getting employment in Singapore so easily.
Tamarind, saw a letter to ST Forum about a maid which sounds a lot like your case. Kudos to you if you wrote it - hopefully MOM can take some action to prevent undesirable maids from getting employment in Singapore so easily.
dewberries
Member
Hi ladies,
I've just confirmed a maid and she'll be arriving in abt 2-3 weeks' time. Wonder what things I shld prepare for her arrival apart from getting her a mattress and her toiletries. Can anyone help? Actually, what does toiletries include? Also, can someone share the house rules? TIA.
Ya, tamarind. Is that your case on the ST forum? Actually, I was thinking if MOM can restrict the number of times an employer can change maids within a year, then they shld also impose the same type of restriction to maids seeking to change employers.
I've just confirmed a maid and she'll be arriving in abt 2-3 weeks' time. Wonder what things I shld prepare for her arrival apart from getting her a mattress and her toiletries. Can anyone help? Actually, what does toiletries include? Also, can someone share the house rules? TIA.
Ya, tamarind. Is that your case on the ST forum? Actually, I was thinking if MOM can restrict the number of times an employer can change maids within a year, then they shld also impose the same type of restriction to maids seeking to change employers.
wow... seems I missed the drama in this thread but would just like to comment, even if it's a few days late. While I can see the point Elektra was trying to make, she probably came on too strong and said things the wrong way... though some of the reactions on here by the others were also a bit below the belt??
Having a maid is never easy, but it often takes two hands to clap. Some people react better to the softly softly approach while some need the strong hand tactics. From my experience with maids in the Philippines(I grew up in a household with 5 maids and 3 drivers), most of them appreciate being spoken to kindly, rather than being screamed at/threatened. My nanny stayed with us for 30 years until she retired due to old age and my dad's driver is still with us after 27 years! As kids we were instructed to say please and thank you to them, and respect them at all times. If we're caught shouting or being mean to them for whatever reason, we were punished by having to do their chores (i.e. wash dishes, sweep floor, etc). Most of the maids stay with us minimum 5-8 years giving my mum minimum problems. I guess what I am trying to say here is that most maids are simple people, you treat them nicely they will react and try to please you too...
Of course there are cases where you give them your right hand they will try to take your left(i.e. abuse your kindness) then if that's the case then no point keeping these kind of maids and just change them.
For those like me who work, having a maid who is able to care for our children is most important. We have to be able to close one eye to their less major faults. Reading/watching TV/talking on the phone while watching the baby is a definite no no, but things like eating more/less, sitting on bed while looking after baby could probably be forgiven as long as the baby thrives well with the maid?? It's a personal thing I guess...
just my two cents worth
Having a maid is never easy, but it often takes two hands to clap. Some people react better to the softly softly approach while some need the strong hand tactics. From my experience with maids in the Philippines(I grew up in a household with 5 maids and 3 drivers), most of them appreciate being spoken to kindly, rather than being screamed at/threatened. My nanny stayed with us for 30 years until she retired due to old age and my dad's driver is still with us after 27 years! As kids we were instructed to say please and thank you to them, and respect them at all times. If we're caught shouting or being mean to them for whatever reason, we were punished by having to do their chores (i.e. wash dishes, sweep floor, etc). Most of the maids stay with us minimum 5-8 years giving my mum minimum problems. I guess what I am trying to say here is that most maids are simple people, you treat them nicely they will react and try to please you too...
Of course there are cases where you give them your right hand they will try to take your left(i.e. abuse your kindness) then if that's the case then no point keeping these kind of maids and just change them.
For those like me who work, having a maid who is able to care for our children is most important. We have to be able to close one eye to their less major faults. Reading/watching TV/talking on the phone while watching the baby is a definite no no, but things like eating more/less, sitting on bed while looking after baby could probably be forgiven as long as the baby thrives well with the maid?? It's a personal thing I guess...
just my two cents worth
Hi Ladies
My maid jus joined my hsehold 2 wks ago...so far...shez pretty okie...(tho it may be too soon to conclude)...can I find out...does anyone do addn screenin for their maids on Hep A n B...n Im oso a bit jittery...as the HIV window period is 6 mths...can anyone share wif me the ways to keep the family members safe fm potential health hazards?
My maid jus joined my hsehold 2 wks ago...so far...shez pretty okie...(tho it may be too soon to conclude)...can I find out...does anyone do addn screenin for their maids on Hep A n B...n Im oso a bit jittery...as the HIV window period is 6 mths...can anyone share wif me the ways to keep the family members safe fm potential health hazards?
ann
Active Member
Emma,
For the first 6 months, I let my maid call home every month once to make sure her family know that she's fine and she also misses them. But after she got her salary, she got to pay for her phone card etc...
Think is better to let your maid call home...she'll be happy and also more hardworking hee........
For the first 6 months, I let my maid call home every month once to make sure her family know that she's fine and she also misses them. But after she got her salary, she got to pay for her phone card etc...
Think is better to let your maid call home...she'll be happy and also more hardworking hee........
