blessed - can i ask how long have you been ttc-ing? if you are not comfy sharing, it is ok.
as for testing hpts - after a while, I tell myself that I will only test if AF did not come after X number of days. and this X number that I give myself is a very high number. i guess that is the way i deal with it (or not deal with having a negative hpt), if you get what i mean.
i am not sure how regular your cycles are but if they are regular, you can try it.
and you are right, deep down inside each and everyone of us, we feel it. we get disappointed, sad etc. and each one of us have different ways of dealing with it. hope you will find one way that will work for you.
hang in there.....we are here for you.