(2011/11) Nov 2011

bleh,

haven't you heard? "when mummy says no, ask grandma/grandpa"!! i know my mum and dad will not spoil my girl. in fact my mum is the one who always tells me not to spoil her and give her food off our dining table, or carry her immediately when she cries. it's my PILs who will spoil her rotten! i am prepared to put my foot down and be very firm telling them not to give her sweets/chocolates or whatever snacks without telling/asking me first. my mil is the stubborn one. really dislike her mentality sometimes... she can keep asking me to go bathe, then sneakily bring my daughter downstairs without telling me, plus without closing the main door! irritating..

 


starry, same la. i put my foot down too! else, there's no control over the kids in future. sometimes, no choice but to tell my PILs not to give in to his every whine and cry. i do not have a helper and it's a gd thing he is carrying his own school bag and water bottle. he helps to put his dirty laundry into laundry basket too. but they think i'm asking him to do TOO MUCH... aiyo... my dad is the one who gives snacks and ice cream. headache!...



but i guess, sometimes really no choice but to close 1 eye or both. afterall, the grands are only showing their love to the kid (in an unapproving manner in our words, i know). end of the day, grandparents are a kid's best present u know? i have been a beneficial and so, i have to agree... lol

 
Thanks starry, bleh, & happymum!



Berrypie, i also want a girl girl too!



pigy, ya, we just wan to confirm n confirm n doouble confirm...hahaha

 
I used to sleep in the 'middle'. DH on my right and my boy on my left in the cot and when they both snore! It was like surround sound!



My DH whined more when it was just the both of us. Now with a son, the whiner is my boy! And the funny thing is, my DH cannot tahan my boy whining. I always laugh. *retribution*

 
awbb,

My DD is also still using her toddler bed (converted from the cot). I have the same headache, recently been measuring her room and trying to figure out what to do. Getting a super single bed barely leaves space to walk, while a single seemed so small...



j&k, happymum,

Thanks for the recommendation! Will go check out Natal Essentials. We are already on tingkat dinners, so it's a matter of switching to a confinement one when the time comes.



Welcome Jo!

 
happymum, hv you recover from spotting? i'm still hv it,so worry went to gynae yesterday to ask him to jab me.

Hopefully his hunch is right but my hb always told him didi coming soon..sianz

 
Berrypie, i still've brown discharge, taking duphaston 3 times daily. Jab is effective though painful. Did your gynae give u mc to rest? Remember to rest.

 
happymum, i rest for aday at home yesterday. Today back to work...i want to keep the mc for later part when necessary..am still taking duphaston 3x aday..the jab is still bearable, it's the ms and the vomitting tt made me sickening..taste bud is bitter even thou i take sweet stuff

 
Berrypie, I think the jab plus pills make hormone level high. I also have quite bad MS. For my #2, i had jab & pills then MS also very bad till I had to take medication to stop vomiting.



I think I've used up half of my mc entitlement, bed rest for almost 3 weeks.



Jo mummy, after u took duphaston, does it give u bad MS too?

 
Went for my jab jus now..resting at hm now...nausea is back...due to the jab I think..jab same side..not as pain as tt day but now still hurts to sit or lie on tt side...



Anyway pigy n Jo..its normal I tested dunno how many times..dh also think I mad until I explain to him why I'm testing n what im looking out for eg. Wks increasing or darker line then he understood..in fact when I used up all my tests alrdy..he ask me tt day so r u testing again today? I was like huh test for wat..the test only show till 3+ max..he was like oh u mean won't show 5 wks 6 wks etc etc ah...hahha

 
Berrypie, i think if u really tired, u better rest at home rather than keep the mc..bcos 1st trimester is also very impt stage for u...



happymum, so far i don hav MS. i only feel queasy in the late afternoon n after dinner...

 
welcome new moms [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



Jmi,

I never use any cl for my #1 but for #2 i think i will so that my mom not so stressed. I saw that there is a pre-arrival and departure ang bao? Can u share what are those? I know that need to give ang bao after confinement. That time i gave mkt rate to my mom (2k in 2008) besides grocery cost (1k) and ang bao but din know abt the pre-arrival ang bao.



Can other moms share what are the current rate of



CL stay-in (28days)

Pre-arrival ang bao

Departure ang bao

Food cost such as fish, veg, herbs etc



Need to plan. Who helps to take care of #1 and #2 for the 2nd/3rd time moms? Need to pay CL for extra duties to bath, feed #1, #2?

 
Thanks jo. Will take ur advice if realli tired.



happymum, u got so many MC. I tot standard is 14 days unless is hosptial leave 60 days.

 
Simp, the amount in arrival and departure ang pow is entirely up to you. I gave my CL $38 for arrival ang pow and $138 for departure cos we were happy with the work she has done.

 
Slow down slow down!!!



This thread is fast!!



LOL! I tested twice and am still tempted to buy another.



Desertmoon: me too, headache abt this. How how?!?!?my room has no space for cot [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]



Starry: u very fertile hor hehe! Was u bfing? Ya, somehow we will all manage when time comes. Right now when thinking abt it abit scary isn't it .



Re: childcare



I was planning to send my boy only when he is 2.5 to 3 years old. I am wondering now if I send him when baby is out, will he feel neglected or??

 
Aw, the early you send your child to CC the better cos he can adapt faster if not will hv headache dealing with separate anxiety...

 
awbb,

i am also tempted to test again. haha! but so far refrained myself from doing that for more than 6 weeks le. i conceived this #2 when i stopped bfing my girl just as she turned 3 months. period came back and really very fertile lor. i told my hubby but he didn't believe. said if have, then have lor. and here we are, expecting our #2.



actually i was very scared that i won't be able to conceive after i give birth. 'cos heard of stories of how some women tried very hard for #2 but couldn't conceive. anyway, i'm really very very thankful that i am blessed with my girl and now this little one in the tummy. some ppl think kids are here to "collect ransom" from their parents but i think otherwise and believe that they are God's gifts to us. so must treasure. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Jmi,

I c. Thanks for the guideline. CL says she never take care of kids besides bb so wd need to top-up. She says she will check w her friend on the extra before coming to me.



Did ur cl only cook for u exclusively besides washing bb and our clothes and mopping floor? Is it necessary for cl to cook for hb and our #1, #2?



CL did tell me to find help to take care of #1 such as bathing, feeding since #1 not in childcare but preschool only. Maybe i need hb to help out or ask mom to buy grocery and take care of #1.



How did the rest of moms cope?

 
simp,

It's going to be my mum and I again this time round. She will take care of my girl and I will focus on the new baby. If need to, my grandmother can help out too. She's 70 plus but still very active and fit! So we will just cope like that without a CL. Once a routine sets it after a few days it will be easier. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
starry



I am also contemplating to check if my mom keen to do confinement but this time round at my flat. The last time as i was still overseas, i stayed in her flat so a bit troublesome. Now Im coming back to sg soon for good, maybe it is gd to have her ard. My mom can do everything except that i cannt bath [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif] Really stinky then. She can go wet market everyday and jalan jalan anywhere she likes and i know she can cook, clean and still take care of my #1 and my bb and me at the same time.Need to check with her if she is keen. Now she is already bbsitting my niece so not sure how it is going to be. But she is feeling the strain of old age so dun know how it goes. I wd check w her then.



That time #1 slept with me at night so i do tbf except on days when there is really no milk. After 2 weeks, csec moms are mobile like the rest so shd be easier.



It' always better to have our own moms taking care of us. u r very blessed to have both mom and grandma to help, super envy [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Berrypie, my workplace gives 30days outpatient leave. Worst come to worst, will have to use my own leave, no choice le.



Simp, for my #2, I got cl but daytime my #1 in childcare halfday, next halfday at mil's place, return home at night. Weekends my hb will handle #1. My cl helped with my hb laundry and did light house work. But my #1 kept falling sick at cc that time so we switched him to church kindergarten after that.

 
Hi ladies!



I went for my first check-up today! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] Pretty cool. Finally it becomes more real, seeing the little baby on the monitor and seeing and hearing the heartbeat! Really thankful. Life is so amazing, indeed life is a gift from God!



Just wanna ask you girls your opinion - many of you are not first-time moms. So for your other children, did you all do the non-invasive Oscar (Down's syndrome) test?



I'm also now thinking of the confinement plans and I feel like I want to be adventurous and not get a CL and just get the food from the caterers. (I can't wait to eat pig trotters vinegar!! Hahahaha!!) Hubby thinks I should just get a CL so I get more rest and recuperate well...Hmmm...

 
starry: Ohh oh oh! Totally unrelated...But you said you all have an office pup!! So fun! So you get to play with the office dog every day? What kind of dog is it?

 
Simp, my CL cooked enough for me, DH & herself.

Machine-washed for DH clothing, she helped to hang. CL handwashed my boy & my clothing.

She helped to mop and wipe as and when cos I have a part-time cleaning auntie that comes once a week to iron, wash toilets, mop, vacuum and dust my home.

 
Hi Nov11 MTB,



I will also be joining everyone here too. My EDD is 18 Nov 2011. Been reading this thread on and off since I came to know I'm pregnant and YES, I agree it moves fast, but that's because I think everyone is excited, even though it may not be the first child anymore.



It's my first and I've been having many mood swings. Mainly on the low side, cause I'm having very bad MS. I'm into my 6 weeks 4 days today! Week 4 was great, could eat and generally happy. Week 5 the MS started and it was like every meal I eat, I puke, one or two mouths out. Week 6, was worst. I almost puke out everything each time. Doc says its normal - eat less than a quarter of a potion, puke, lose weight. But I feel very sad each time I puke initially. My hubby also has a part, as he was worried that baby wasn't getting enough nutrition, etc. But we have overcome that, as doctor also consoled us that while I'm puking my stomach out, it also means that baby is growing. Did my own reading that the hormone (hCG) involves in helping the pregnancy and baby is also the culprit for the MS, so that's why the doctor says look on the bright side. Yesterday, I was reading another thread somewhere in the forum about spotting. It was kinda scary - some women who suddenly lose all those usual pregnancy symptoms like breast tenderness, MS, and come spotting! And then a MC... So, I tried telling myself, never mind, its alright that I still feel nausea even though I'm although lying down, at least I know my body is producing the hormones to help the pregnancy. My hubby is also now more supportive of my MS and tell me, "Vomit out, lah. u'll feel better. Later eat again." He also "kan kai le" (see through) rather I eat something, digest abit and vomit out than I become scare to eat because I dun wanna vomit.



I think coming here to read up was good to help me lighten up and feel less upset. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] I'm also looking around to see where should I start.



1) Doc - Dr Wong Mun Tat from TMC. Should be delivering there I suppose. Just dunno what kind of bedding options yet. I'm very scare of pain actually. So, birthing method wise, the least torturing is of top piority!! I keep having this idea that C-S is the easy option, like having a surgery and take out baby while I'm asleep. Please correct me if I'm wrong, cos I really have no idea.



2) CL or maid? Due to limited funding (who isn't?), I need to think wisely, if hiring a CL to do confinement is better or getting a maid to help with chores and getting those confinement food delivery to get by? $$$ will definitely be becoming an issue.



3) Should I continue my work after the 4 months of maternity leave or take no pay leave to care for my child? I really dun like the idea of the maid taking care of MY CHILD. U really dun know what they do and do not do when u'r not around.



I think I really ask too many questions / ponder on too many issues for the first post. :p

 
happymum

Oh u r not alone. Last time my colleague' #1 & #2, for each pregnancy she took 4mths of mc including unpaid leave. She had such bad ms that she cannt work. It did affect her aws and bonus but it was worth it. It is important to have supportive colleagues and supervisors [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



Thanks happymum and jmi for the sharing. Yes maybe i shd prepare hb to hand-ons more for #2. He only came to visit me for a week or 2 when #1 came then i was alone with my mom' family.



Maybe i need to standby part-time help as well as i dun think maid is needed at the moment. Jmi, can u pm the contact of ur cleaner and the rate and details. Think i need help to iron clothes, wash toilet etc.



Mommies, keep ur sharing coming so that the 1st time moms can also prepare themselves [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



ent29

is there a diff between non-invasive and invasive oscar test? I did the oscar test and thought it was necessary for all pregnant moms esp if u r past 30s? I believe i need to do that as well for #2. When is this again? 4th or 5th mth?



I wd be visiting my gynae for 1st time this thurs finally. My #1 has been bugging to see #2 hence wd be bringing her to see the scan as well.

 
ptsmallbear: Congrats and welcome!! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] I think many of the ladies here also psychoed me to think that MS = good sign cos it shows that you have a little one growing inside you! So that's what I keep telling myself even though I feel super crappy! Anyway, many of my questions are the same as yours...And really need to think through. One of them, like you, is about taking extra no-paid leave. That will have implications on my hubby working and my own bonuses and such. May I know what your occupation is?



Simp: Yup! There's a difference! The non-invasive test is just a normal blood test - they will take your ages, take the mother's blood and take baby's neck width...Then do a calculation to see if it's high risk or low risk. Then after that, you can decide whether or not you want to do the invasive test - there are 2 - amniocentris and something else...I'm not past 30 yet, so dunno if should take or not. Cos the argument is if I am going to keep the baby no matter what, or if I am not going to do the invasive test, then why even do the non-invasive one...

 
Jmi: Oooh, I also would like the part-time cleaner's rate and details!! That sounds like a goooood option!! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Sorry babes, not that I do not want to share but my part-time cleaning auntie is full and can't take in anymore unless any of her clients drop her.



She's been with us since 2008 and I don't intend to drop her anytime cos I don't wanna hire a maid (unless absolutely necessary). The hassle of looking after an adult doesn't appeal to me.

 
ent29: Exactly! My hubby is working but his pay I dun tink is enough for us to survive. My occupation is civil servant lah. So no scare my boss dun give me the no pay leave. Is only how to survive if I'm not working. I'm currently on doc's ML till this Fri (when I will see my gynae again) but I dun tink I'm ready to be back to work, but my miserable 14 days of ML is definitely finishing up. Sigh...

 
ent29, I did the non-invasive OSCAR time. Although we are Catholics, but after much discussion, we won't not have kept the baby if it has down syndrome. We will not be around forever to take care of him/her.



I know to some of you, it may seem cruel but to bring him/her into this world and not being able to be around to provide would have been worse.

 
ptsmallbear: I is civil servant also. Muahaha. So is hubby. So I should have no probs with no-pay leave also, but yeah, everything else will be affected lor.



Jmi: Hehe, no problem! Am sure there are many part-time aunties around...Glad you found your solution! Anyway, I know where you're coming from...And yeah, am battling between what I know God can do, but at the same time, my own human mind about practicalities and the world's suffering too.

 
ent29, yeah I did battle with the decision too. I told DH that we should keep no matter what. He threw the question back at me, if we would be around forever to take care. With the world's suffering and practicalities, he/she will suffer. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]



My SIL's friend who was in her late 20s was pregnant 2 years back and the 1st test did not pick up down syndrome, even the 2nd test didn't quite picked up. In her 7th month, an ultrascan showed baby's tongue drooping out at the side of the mouth, a sign of down syndrome and in SG, they cannot terminate the pregnancy, so her gynea wrote her a letter and arranged for her to fly to India for an early induction. 2 years on, they are now proud parents of a healthy baby boy.

 
ent29

Oh i c. Oscar test that i did is the non-invasive one, so this time wd do that again. Like what jmi said, i think what her hb said is true, wont be ard forever to take care of them. Im a Christian too but i dun think im brave enough to go thr this. As always i always worry on the health of bb. It is ok to have either boy or girl as long as he/she is healthy. I wd rather take any suffering for them in place if i have any choice.



Jmi, no worries abt the contact. If ur cleaner has lobangs or friends, pls keep me in the loop too. I prefer to have chinese cleaner than to go through agency.



welcome ptsmallbear [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

Im having lots of mood swings and my #1 has been getting from my short and quick temper. I have been telling myself to control control and control but i have not been able to. That' so terrible.



As for birthing, i always encourage mothers to go thr the full cycle of natural birth if their body is able to. This is part of life, a day of labour is better than recovering from csec. I do not have a choice so i do admire and envy moms who can have natural birth. In anycase, all moms are brave and strong to go thr whatever we need to [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



CL or maid. I think cl is expensive seriously esp for those who have been thr 1st birth. Usually it is to relieve the moms to rest and build up the health. for natural delivery, moms recovery is so fast. It is a luxury practice for chinese moms. csec moms, it is necessary to have temporary help as u cant move much when u r recovering from the cut. Cannt bend, carry heavy stuff, cook and take care of kids if u have. Maid, u can always prepare and teach her in advance the food to cook. BB wise, all mothers can manage if u have help ard such as hb, mom, mil or maid.



If i have natural birth, i think i wont get cl. I prob get part-time help or force hb to help out more. Ask hb/mom/mil to buy foodstuff or do it myself. Csec moms dont really have a choice, def need cl/maid/someone. Japanese, caucasians do not practice or have our luxury. Hence i say this is chinese moms' privilege to have confinement [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] Really nice to be pampered to rest, eat during this time

 
simp,

i am also very thankful that i have my mum and grandma to help out! both of them are very active. will wake up at like 5.30am and go exercise kind. my mum also told me to have kids while she is still young, can help me take care of them. she always reminds me that one of the best gifts i can give to my children is my own good health, just like what she's doing now. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



like you, i had my girl sleeping on the same bed with me throughout my confinement period also. when she was hungry and woke up for milk, i could immediately bf her. i remember i was very mobile on the day i came back from hospital. abdomen ached a bit, but otherwise everything back to normal.



ent29,

glad you saw the little heartbeat! so exciting, yeah? [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] you will see little hands and feet waving/dancing in the weeks to come. hee hee! very cute. actually the office pup isn't a pup liao. it's an old toy poodle. he is 10 yrs old! 77yo in human years. but he behaves very much like a pup. lol!



smallbear,

congrats on having your first baby! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] with regards to your qns...



1. keep an open mind about birthing options. don't 'die die' stick to one plan 'cos most of the times, things don't go the way you have planned. csect got 3 kinds. emergency c-sect (usually under GA and you'd wanna avoid this at all cost), epidural c-sect (lower body numb but you are fully awake) and GA c-sect (knocked out completely). i went thru GA c-sect and i HATED it. the trauma of waking up haunts me to this day. but again, this is personal. some ppl do not experience such thing with GA. if you freak out at the slightest bit of pain, ask for epidural EARLY! don't be garang and endure until cannot endure then request for it. usually by then gynae will tell you to bite the bullet, baby's crowning!



2. my personal opinion is to go for CL instead of maid. an infant isn't so difficult to handle on your own. CLs are generally helpful although some may have quirks and traditional opinions which you need to either ignore, or simply tell them off if you are not comfortable with them. maids are permanent and a good one is hard to come by nowadays, somemore one who knows basic infant care. again, this is my personal opinion as i have nv hired a maid before and don't intend to get one.



3. you can decide whether or not you want to extend your ML and take no pay leave later. sleep on this for now. another option if you don't feel good with a maid, get a nanny or have your baby enrolled into infant care. bear in mind infant care babies fall sick more easily but you be assured they are properly taken care of by trained care-givers.



hope this helps!!

 
ent29, Simp, where do you guys stay, I can ask my cleaning auntie when she comes tomorrow morning if she has any friends that does your area.

 
jmi,

i share the same sentiments as you about the oscar and DS. just asked my hubby if we wanna do oscar again this time round and he said definitely.

 
starry

yes even my #1 still sleeps with me, im so no good with training her to sleep on her bed. Total disaster for me. So i dun know how when #2 comes out, she will also sleep in cot in same room after cl leaves. Plan to train both to sleep on their rooms. Have been buying princess things for flat to encourage #1 to sleep and tell her to take care of #2. Dun know if this is even possible



jmi,

i live in tiong bahru area so if ur cleaner has friends, keep me posted. Think with 2 kids ard, to keep me sane, need pt helper to iron, clean the house. Already cooking and doing laundry can kill me. And if i start to look for job to supplement income, i think i wd def need pt helper. Want to avoid getting maid as flat no space for maid and we have too many things. Hb already taking up a room for his toys. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Congrats ptsmallbear!



I am also a civil servant, thinking of getting unpaid leave also but my dept understaffed, and a few on part-time so not sure if mgr will approve.



Ent, happy for u ;o)



As for the DS test, I went for both blood test and detailed scan. For my #2, detailed scan picked up a dot in one side of her heart, it's not a hole, termed golf ball. gynae said

westerners associated this with DS but for Asians it's like 1 in

50 will have this and normal. I was very worried then. Thank god, my girl is okie.



For this one, am 34 le, not sure if need to do the invasive test.

 
happymum

How much is the detailed oscar scan? The invasive test means do what test, is it a v-scan? I remembered i did 2 test, one in 2nd trimester and one in 3rd trimester. Is the one in 3rd trimester detailed scan? I totally cannt remember, all i knew was that i did at tmc center instead of my gynae' clinic.



I am 34 this year too. Anymore 30s or 34 like us? Are we the oldest here haha? Im sure we are not the only 30s here [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] Sg girls marry and give birth late.

 
I just turned 34 2 weeks back. My gynea did mentioned that hopefully the non-invasive test result will be good enough; so I won't need to go for the invasive test.

 
Congrats and welcome ptsmallbear [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

Re Oscar:

My gynae say have to let him know on my next appt whether I wanna do Oscar or triple test..and I think I will go ahead and do the Oscar. It cost ard $300 plus to do the Oscar in TMC.

 
Jmi

[IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] Seems like i managed to find a few 34 moms. Im turning 34 in a few more months too [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] Yeah, i hope the non-invasive test and other kind of test for us will turn out well to give us a peace of mind. Babies please grow well and strong.



M not eating very healthy food, did snack on biscuits and junk food. With this #2 im less careful in many ways esp with food. I hope all will be well. Need to be more disciplined on food and activity.

 
Simp, i paid about $280 in yr 2009 at mt E, done by my gynae's brother.



I just finished watching 拍卖。tomorrow last episode ;o)

 
phoenixmisi

Yes that sounds familiar. Hope gynae will advise which test to take. Triple test or oscar. Any case, having all this check-up really not cheap. BB are expensive but we all love them, dun we [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
拍卖 must be very nice. I miss watching tv serials in sg. Soon i wd be able to glue to tv. One of my fav hobby at home [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 

Happy mum, Simp, Jmi,



I am 32 this year too. Initially I'm thinking of trying for #3 before 35 but this pregnancy's bad MS is putting me off. Think I will stop at #2.

 
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