(2011/07) July 2011

janice > once she comes and stay for weekend, won't u be afraid that she or hubby might make some excuse to stay permanently? i also afraid of the monster in law coming to stay permanently as i have spare room for now and monster in law always putting thoughts (like what to do with the spare room, suggesting ideas like hubby can put some of his stuffs into the room if masterbed room no space, etc) into hubby's head. she always thinking to occupy every crook and crane and every inch of the house with things and ignores 1)the fact that i also have my things to put! 2) that is not her house!

 


jan-ice: at least there are ways to solve the problem better then keep on quarreling on this topic.

what about flying back every month?

 
yeah Crystal,



nv ans back... and talk to MIl noicely is beri impt.. if not the r/s will turn bad..



Sometimes when i'm reali angry or fed up.. i rather voice to my HB.... or we talk outside the hse.



I rem there was 1 incident ... quite bad... den i got to date him at home to talk outside... hahah cos we dun 1 MIL to hear us.



and poor HB.. sometimes was being sandwich. Quite bad hor.

 
crystal_cloud> true, promise is a promise. but i seriously wish to hv my own place. anyway dun wish to ruin my r/s wif my MIL just coz we are staying together. now its good r/s.



xinyue> this is why i planned to convert half of one of e bedroom into my walk-in wardrobe. but i didnt do it on purpose, i actually dreams to have one long before getting married. now it becomes part of my plan. :p oh btw my hb is working in china, and fly back only once in a while. sometimes i can fly up to see him if $ permit.



J2010T> too ex, we rather spend e $ on something more impt like hdb loans, baby, his MIL's allowance..he will fly back once per many many months.

 
Modisch



Sorry ah, what I'm going to say might sound straight forward. I agree with Janice that the kid is not just for you. They need both fatherly and motherly love too for the sake of healthy childhood and it's a growing up thing. Hmm, maybe both you and hubby gotta work out something. If not really cannot sustain as it's going to be a long process. I think what matters now is relationship between the two of you, shouldn't have anything to do with MIL. But I can understand your anger when you mention that hubby only listens to his mum and not you. I think as a man they need to learn to please both sides.



Hmm i guess the only way to sort this out is through communication. For the sake of the kids also lah.

 
J2010T> oh i think u got mistaken. we only quarrel recently coz our BTO flat will be here soon (2012). this is why this topic arises. other days are quite ok. I always have my ways to deal wif my hb. heehee..eg i m asking for baby bonus from him too. you sort of have to 'train' a guy from the moment you two are dating. hahaa...

 
jgwee, agree that staying with ILs is not easy but as MIL takes care of my boy too ... i'm thankful for that. I dun even tell my hb about my unhappiness cos I dun want him to be stuck in between ... i go tell my dad and my sis and then my dad will advise me .

 
Today is the 3rd day I never da bian again.. Aiya... Always got da bian feeling but the moment I sit down on toilet bowl no feeling...



Seem to always alternate between diarrhea and constipation.

 
If there is air fare promotion then can fly back more often. But now u can't fly up. What abt after u give biRth baby?

 
Jan-ice: totally agreed with wat u say 'trained' a guy. How much u asking for? As for mi I ask for present for give birth a baby for him. We agreed on giving mi a 10K sum for getting back to my original size after giving birth in a period of 6 mths

 
Modisch> Daph is right. as far as i see, you need tactic when communicate wif ur hb. cannot use e hard way. must use e soft way. Use logical way maybe. try internet research on some tactics maybe.



we could understand tat it is a really difficult situation for you but there sure has a way. we all will tend to encounter this one way or another. after all she is not our real mother. you are not alone, gal. In e meantime, try to take it easy. try not to care too much of her ways.

 
cary> no no my MIL is not staying wif me, she is staying only over the weekends. e elder sis stays at their own place. she can still take cares of herself.



J2010T> wow, 10K so much. I only ask for 6066 cash. seems like i need to raise my stakes. hahaa...

 
cary> my plan: 1 room for baby, 1/2 room for guest room 1/2 room i will convert to my walk-in closet, master room for myself. this way i think she will automate ba, tat she wont convert to perm stay. wat a headache. i think i must tactfully hint to her on this.

 
Jan-ice: now we still gt value must take more :p the amount is said by him. Actually I wanted a hermes bag instead of the 10k. But he say too x onli can give 10k. Then just take. Lol

 
Hi mummies, quite smtime didnt log in liao, n just saw all ur posts on mil. I have been living with them since married. Initially, after my mil know tt i m preg, she say dun mind doing the confinement for me, so i didnt bother to look for a CL, but recently, i ask my hubby better cfm if she is reali doing the confinement for me as she needs to cook n look after the bb, could be quite tough. As during confinement, heard tt we shouldnt be touching water for washing etc..then the thot of day-time CL is preferred, cos we dun ve extra space for a full time CL!! faintz lor.. nw gt to start looking for one. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]

From the thread, understand that the good ones are already taken. Any mummies here have recommendation for day-time CL? TIA!

 
J2010T> i hv no idea how come air-flight from shanghai to sg could be tat ex. after tax, easily can cost S$700++. SQ even worst, more than S$1k. there is a lot of budget airlines to places like hkg, bkk, some resorts places, but to china, its very different rates. plus he cant afford to take so long leave. anyway he will be back in july for my delivery, and maybe in may. i m sort of used to it, although i do feel alone at times. but for e sake of 'survival' ($), so no choice.

 
janice, ya if we do that room plan then she also will get the hint [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



janice/J2010T, haha you gals really li hai to get $$$

 
ya jgwee,

husband also cham lah..so long as din stay together ok liao lah..consolation prize



Jan-ice,

i also converted half the bedroom next to my MBR for allowance for my walk in wardrobe..end up hor, after giving half to walk in wardrobe, the room very small, i used it as baby's room.

but if i have a choice agian, i wont want the walk in wardrobe..i will settle with a cupboard and have bigger kids room



xin yue, for my hse, all rooms are taken

4 room

study room has fixed desk and baby's room is half given to walk in wardrobe in master bedroom..masterbedroom is solely ours..so no room for another other person..



u can probably convert that empty room to kids' play room?!



daph, how many weeks are you? you begining to experience the constipation period?



jan-ice,

y will your MIL wana stay with you all during weekends? doesnt she find it troublesome?

not as if you have a baby for her to take care on weekends or wat..but moving around will be troublesome ma..u mean when she is around on weekends you all plan to stay in hse too to acc her and not go out? no plans on shoping for baby's stuffs etc?

 
cary> really? u think its workable?



crystal_cloud> actually i hv this worry too, but i will ask one of my hb's fren for opinion who is a hse designer. free help! hahaa..



crystal_cloud> oh i plan to put my baby at my MIL's care after I have found a job. original plan is weekdays baby at my MIL side, weekends i bring e baby back for my parents to see. After tat, the sudden weekend stay suggestion is coz my hb wants her to stay wif us once our new hse is here, which i m still fighting for my way. Yeah i wanna go out and still able to hang out wif my gfs once in a while. Maybe can still go clubbing once in a while. Hahaha...

 
Jan-ice: to shanghai is realli x. As budget airlines can't go there is becoz they using smaller aircrafts n flying non stop is onli up to 5hrs. Shanghai is even further. So let wish other budget airlines are flying there.



Cary: I not li hai ah. If I ask he dun give also no choice. Keke

 
janice, should work ... you just need to convince your hb on the going ahead with the room plan [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



J2010T, hee ... true too [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
cary> if she is not staying wif us, i can still invite you gals over for chitchat or gathering lor.



Yes! my aunt is on leave today. I m gg orchard to meet her now. so happy, didnt go orchard for a long time. yippeee!! happy chatting gals!!

 
Jan-ice: same same! I wanted 2 but he wants 3. Must pain for 3 times.



Audury: ur frenz v smart. But gold nw so x. Can't afford. Hehe

 
jan-ice,

i think your plan works well if you decided not to have study room..for me i made a mistake by having a big study room and a miserable small baby's room..need some alteration in future when baby is big!

probably switch place , study room will take over that small room and bb will have the big study room



or we will sell the hse away in 5 years



if your MIL is ok to live with then ok to accomodate lo, otherwise it's realli a diff story living under same roof





mummies,



i din know that daddies are supposed to give a token to mummies after giving birth?

i dun have leh [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]

and neither would i ask for it..my hubby and i would be broke for bb's arrival lo.so many stuffs to buy and pay for..

 
hello all,

wah, so happening!



Nice to knwo your hubby being so thoughtful.

for mine, he not romantic type now, cos got son, so his way of showing is helping with housework and take care of son. the toughest work is patting son to z, can take up to an hour! so its free time for me!



PIL, i live in only if hub went overseas. then realise different habits mean a lot!

the maddening thing is, cannot mix my clothes with theirs, even if i wan to use washing m/c also cant. also no place to hang, cos the older HDB, if u hang some clothes, must position above u such that not your undies or pants.

so pantang!

so i have to go back my home to wash clothes evry few days if this case.

Good to have my roof over my head!

 
Cary > lol.. miscommunication here..



All> Sigh.. my house 3 rooms - one is Masterbed room, one is hubby's study room (yet to furnish it), one is spare room which we agreed on that it is to be my spare room till baby comes. Monster empress dowager is always aiming that spare room and always suggesting/thinking of ways to put things into that room. she so 'ba dao' that she can even say how to arrange the furniture in my masterbed room.. what the hell...

 
crystal cloud,

i did hint to him that my frens got "delivery gift" from hub.

but he din give anythg lor.

just be by my side during delivery and hospital stay. we took 1 bedder so he can stay in.

 
intend to convert the spare room into baby's room.. but baby yet to come out and still early to do so. then monster already planting all sort of ideas into hubby's head. monster keep saying but baby into masterbed room.. hubby told her room so small, we even have problems walking.. monster said, where got small, still got space ma. i personally think that monster is harbouring thought of having the spare room all to herself and her husband. the study room for her younger son.

 
Crystal: we mummies so xin ku give birth a baby. So HD must give token to thanks mummies for our hard wk.



I think I am falling sick. My nose is block n I am feeling cold. After looking after my HD for 2 days of sickness. OMG! How?

 
kimifin, I dun have delivery gift too [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] I also took 1 bedder and he stayed in with me.



J2010T, you better take care of yourself ...

 
xin yue, it's ridiculous! just ignore her lah!! that is BB"s room



kimifin,

i din know got delivery gift de..how to hint?!

hubby going to pay for his car installment and raod tax insurance that month also!! dont wana stress him :S



i also took 1 bedder

ask you har, if i wan 1 bedder do i have to book with hopsital early??



xin yue u tell your mil,

day time is bb room, bb play room, night time bb in your room..thats wat i will do.

goodness your inlaws!



j2010T, how the hubby picks up idea needs to give token to mummy?

i nv read this and if i say this to hubby he sure upset and say i monkey see monkey do!! lol he very vexed about money liao..

 
cary,

yah, his type is like dat, dun say so much, did the work. though I sometime din realise.

until my fren told me the 5 languages of love. got this book but haven got the time to read...

in short:

Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.





crystal cloud,

no need, a mth before, let your clinic know cos thk the clinic help to book, got a form to fill in.

but once you check in, need to inform.

my time, they say 1 bedder is full, so i took deluxe. that was MAH.

 
J2010T> i only wan 1 kid. cannot afford e pain as well as e $. hahhaa..hb wants 2 but after my persuasion, he say ok 1 is 1. :D



crystal_cloud> yeah no study room. but i hv to think of some areas to put laptop. actually my hb never mentioned baby bonus. but i find it must make him work a bit for me, since i m giving him a baby. so tough. so one day while watching tv together, i tactfully mentioned abt getting a gift from him but later i gradually convert it to cash. hehee..i think he cannot afford to give me alot. so ok la, 6066, i m happy. cannot be too greedy if not i will get nothing in e end. do it while ur hb is in GOOD mood. :D

 
crystal cloud > if ignore her, she can start moving things over.. she already done it. at times, when we visit her and she offers us somethings, hubby said don't want this or that. next round when she visit, she actually brings it with her!



i scare she will say, baby can sleep in living room, play there also in day time. easier to monitor.. argh. nvm, see how it goes ba..

 
kimifin/crystal> different couples have different ways of affections. as long as you two are romantic, a good hb and a good father, baby bonus doesn't matter. for us, we dun hv a car and he is not wif me most of e time, so i hv to fight for myself at times. very different from you gals.

 
crystal, your gynae's nurse will ask you a few months prior on your bedding choice and they will book for you one ;) which hospital will you be delivering?

 
janice,



u r tough, u stay with ur family now? sorrie, din follow from the start.



i thk once he see the bb so cute, he will have alternative plans.



thk my hub is more "productive" in work, now cant wait to b home to see bb. Dun thk we both can be weekend parents!

 
Jan-ice: so gd! He willing to give up. I say so many times to HD I wants two baby. PLZ! He still insist to have 3. I think my up coming birthday wish that I will have twins for the next baby. Lol

 
daph, what throne are you sitting on now? haha



i'm having my lunch now - ham & cheese sandwich with horlicks ...

 
Hi girls, finally read finished the posts.. haha! So much about monsters in law. hehe..



I dun intend to get delivery gift as well cos my hubby paying everything and i keep my own salary and give my own parents and younger sisters allowance, he never expect me to pay anything and i felt so long he dotes me and staying happily together is the most impt. He always get me what i wants so long he can afford so it never cross my mind about getting a present. I will also be getting one bedder and hubby will stay with me.



For Mil, i think after reading all these stories, i felt i am blissful. Hmn.. I stayed with my MIL even since me and hubby got together as a couple, about 7 years now. So far, we never got into quarrels so far. I moved with them from HDB flat to landed and i am staying on the third floor (some sort like a one bedroom style) and her mum never interfere and find any trouble. She only comes up to third floor to ask me to come down to eat dinner etc. Cause they got a maid at home, thus i am not expected to do any housework or cooking etc. Sometimes we chat and talk about hubby and i always ask her to help me keep an eye on him! haha.. Cos my hubby operates coffeeshop and mil will help out at night. Haha.. And she always come to gossip with me about XYZ girls asking for hubby contact. hehe.. So, we "ba-ka" together and if hubby got "houseflies" i will tell her and if hubby bullys me haha.. So, she can help me kill those "houseflies" in coffeeshop! hehe..



For CNY dinner, normally we will eat on the same day, let say my family eat at earlier slot. This year, MIL says they want to eat earlier cos sil going back china to celebrate thus, we will be eating before CNY eve. hehe.. Normally, CNY i will be at my parents place cos my hubby will be busy at his shop and my mil dun expect me to stay at home to accompany his relatives de.



Though we have our own HDB flat ( my mum staying with my sisters cos mummy divorced), and i did crave to have my own kitchen or free space at times, but i always cant bring myself to ask hubby to move out and leave mil alone. Cos pil will be all alone and i know hubby is filial so i dun want anyone to be unhappy. Hubby's younger brother and sil is moving out soon (she is pregnant) and i am of cos envious though MIL last time says no one can move out but my sil insists so she give in. But, i always tell myself, i am happily staying with everyone so be contented. I keep telling my hubby, i will be filial to ur mum and you have to treat my parents as yours as well. I wish to take care of my mum till she is old, and i can stay with ur mil, so you can do ur part as a son. I felt that if hubby is filial in nature, he will be filial to my family. I think that is why my hubby and my mum is also very close and he always drive me to my mum's place and we have chit chats and dinner together a few times a week.



I always heard about horrible ILs but afterall it ended well for me till now. Seriously, alot of work needs to be spend to get good relationships with mil (of cos, some really are bad i guess and cant work out no matter wat). Thus, jia you everyone esp those who stays with ILs. =) Open communication is very important.

 
oic thaks kimifin i also wanted 1 bedder

what is deluxe?



cary

i chose mt a for delivery



daph u are 3 more weeks than i.

your tummy already shown ah?

 

wendy, think your jiayou should give to those who are not staying with ILs cos those who are staying with ILs (like myself) are so far ok hee ... but good, at least you get the 3rd floor to yourself [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



crytal, nice hospital - quiet and very serene [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
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