(2011/02) Feb 2011

@choc: No use de. I can ask him 100 times, 1000 times. But if he don't want to talk means don't want to talk. Maybe he thought now that I'm pregnant by ignoring me is better then shouting at me. Cos he can be very scary when he's angry....



@charmaine: If I ignore him he'll flare up lor. Then I'll be so scared again. Like a cycle. *sigh* Very useless hor? I think his upcoming weekend also won't include me lor.

 


@charmaine - yes similar but it more effective. I tried the orange fibregel but not much effective. Same as u, i also refrain myself alot of yummy food in order to pass motion as i cannot stand not passing motion daily! My hubby always said why torture yourself and always eat same boring food [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif] On the other hand, it not good to eat same food as my body will immune to it so at times i try to switch but still have to remain of eating many high fibre food [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif] fyi, i suffered internal pile so will bleed if i exert too much force and any idea how to make stool soft? Dun eat expired food pls not good for u and most impt ur bb!



@pinkyval - sorry din read much on your post, but think positive k for the sake of your bb.

 
val... huh...he will exclude u for the weekend...omg.... vicious cycle... but he cant be doing such things to u leh....



how about going back find ur parents? kiao kar n relax for the long weekend...am sure ur parents will treat u like princess since u are preggy...and buy food u love n pamper u [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



else maybe can go have a haircut? think we can go cut hair liao..since 1st Trimester over....



charmaine... maybe let it be natural... so far me on iron n calcium..i must realli put in effort to drink water n take fruits... hai...



nvm...another 20+weeks to go! we are halfway thru!! yeah

 
Val,



Ya, I understand how you feel. We are more emotional compared to pre-pregnant and we might also feel more insecure currently, but don't let these negative thinking affect us and our little ones.

I just think that if we give in too often, our hubby will take it for granted and they will have this thinking that we can't live without them. It's human to err, and i believe your hubby also made mistake, right? but you also didn't treat him like what he did to you now, right?

So, just take this long weekend as cooling-off period. Maybe a short separation (2 - 3 days), can help to improve your relationship? I am not asking you to move out from your place, but just do your own thing, enjoy your own time and who knows later you hubby will take the initiative to talk to you?

 
Charmaine, not expired milk lah .. tht thot is too dangerous. Guava juice, I heard it's good for constipation cases.



Valerie, I don't know what happened to you and your hubby. The last time I know is becos that you bought food back to him late. Maybe is some other issues which until now, I had yet to get an answer from anyone. Ok, cut the story short and sweet. Past few weeks, my hubby also kept nitpicking every single little things. I am not teaching you to retaliate. But men are like tht. The moment you get soft, they will "eat" you up. If you think it's not your fault, reason out with him. And worse come to worse, show him a "black face". Last time, my hubby also resorted to bullying tactics and now I am smarter. Can't always have him to do it to me, if not, I will have endless of problems. So now, if his face is blacker, I will show him what's really black. I just won a cold war with him. It was only a minor thing but he blew it out of proportion. In the end, I dun even bother to look or talk to him and I slept separate rooms with him. If he's going out late, let him be. I dun think he will be so stupid to go out and fool around at this time. Once in a while, since this is your first child and do not need to stay home at night, go out with your friends. But if you are tired, just go home to your mother's plc to rest. Sometimes, dun think too much. You have to reverse tactics and deal with men. Sigh .. I learnt the hard way.

 
Pinkyval,

Why don't u just stay over at your mums over the long weekend. Don't answer his calls and don't let him find u. He's really taking this ignoring u thing too far, he deserves to be taught a lesson so that he'll not do this again. I seldom hear of men ignoring women wan leh....



And how can he flare up when u ignore him when he's the one who started everything??? Too much leh.



We as women must also have integrity and our limit. I always feel that by giving in all the time, the other party tend to go overboard.



U take care. Be strong gal.

 
Felpoo,



Ya, i think it's only over the buying food late issue cos Val was meeting her insurance agent to discuss about the insurance for baby.

Anyone update me if i am wrong.

 
Valerie, I understand what you mean the vicious cycle becos back then, this is what I was also afraid of. And becos of this, my husband has this manipulative streak in him, he took advantage of this. As mentioned by other mummies, you go "MIA" for a while but staying with ur parents, he will definitely get anxious and will know that you mean business. And secondly, he will also start to wonder what will your parents think abt him. At least, you are not staying with ur in-laws. Last time, I wanted to move back when hubby bullied me, also hv to think twice becos of my mil.

 
val, let him flare up coz he's the one who has been ignoring you. Since he wants to be alone, let him be and plan your weekends or programs w/o him. After a few days, you guys will start talking again



mrs ong, i tried fibregel but doesn't works for me. Will ask my gynae if i can take ebolin. Btw, my gynae has given me stool softener medication which is oredi an immediate relief for constipation but i'm kinda immuned to it le.



choc, i'm oredi taking lots of veg and fruits plus 3L of water daily. Dunno how much more veg/fruits i need to take once i'm on iron.. Really hope can reach edd soon. At least after i deliver, if i exert force, won't injure bb or have contractions.

 
Hi Kinderbueno,



Yap my Hubby say he will take 2weeks leave after my birth. He work on night shift on 4-3, 3-4days basis so not totally need to apply 2weeks.



Joanne

 
Valerie, if it's really what Jolin had mentioned. Then he's too much when he talked to his colleagues for long hours, he can buy food back to you late and take it as if nothing has happened. Sometimes, you know, it's also our fault. If my hubby treats me that way, I will show him a very black face letting him know tht I am pissed off. And that's becos, I seldom will get him to buy food back for me, unless I am feeling really unwell. If you call him, and said it's ok, he will take it nothing had happened.



I mean, I am very straightforward in this case and don't mean to add oil to fire. But this is how I feel.

 
Hi Val, really don't know how to advice you. sigh... its already hard enough to be pregnant and now to face a non-responsive hubby...

grr.....makes me boil when men are like that.

 
Dear mommies with constipation, no worries... I do it 4-5 days and checked with gynae. he say everyone is different and 4-5 days is normal for preggies... dont go and eat artificial medication to pass it out...just drink water, eat fruits. dont be stressed over poo-ing.

 
yeah...if i didnt remmeber wrongly..is only the buy food and the insurance issues mah...



agreed... no point let him manipulate till like that...esp when the baby not yet delivered he oredi treat you like that...if baby out and he went out late n ignore u how...



by then u will break down one... need to show him that u are angry too... *opps..i also not trying to add fire... but if my hb show me black face..my face wun be any better..HAHAHAHAHHAHA*

 
valerie: i must say.. ur hubby hor, really really very petty like girl.. over such a small matter must drag so long meh? no matter how petty he is one day is enough mah, need to cold war with u for so long? last time my hubby used to be like that. that is before we got married. he tend to flare up often and want everything to go his way. until a point of time i got scared and have to watch my every action and words.. he is also oversensitive and tend to over react negatively to what isay/do. seems like ur hubby is like that. i have more or less gotten over this stage, though sometimes i will have a relapse. sometimes i really think my hubby is a monster.. but end of the day, thats just how they are, we accepted them the moment we say those vows mah. we must learn to be clever so that we will not be affected by their actions, be it talk to them, or resort to cold war.. i think for ur hubby this kind of people ignoring is the best.. for such hardhearted people, we girls must stand up and be strong bcos they will exploit our weakness yah..



cheers.

 
val, i always think of this sentence whenever i quarrelled with my hubby. Hope you will find it helpful too.



"Husbands may not be forever and they may leave you someday but your child is yours and you will forever be their mummy"



Now you are preggie and your boy can feel how you feels. So protect him and cheer up [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
@Chairmaine: I am quite lucky as I go at least daily or 2x a day but I thk cos my tummy is sensitive to smthg but I cannot pinpoint the fd/ ingredient..I dun limit my fd but do try take veg & fruits as much as I can. And I practise drinking a glass of warm water as my last intake before sleeping. Dunno if it helps u.

 
Valerie, however on the other note, be smart and sms him and letting him know that you would like to spend his bday with him this weekend. And see whether does he reply to you. If he doesn't, sms him 3 times in the lapse of an hour. If by 3 smses, if he doesn't reply you, you dun bother him.



The reason why I asked you to do that is, you have made an effort to communicate with him, thus he can't fault you in the near future should there be any arguements. There was a year which I happened to have an arguement with my hubby and it was near his bday, and I didn't manage to celebrate with him. He always raised this issue up when we quarrelled. It shows how petty men can be.



And with 3 sms, he can't deny that he didn't receive your sms. And let's hope your hubby is not so petty as to not to reply you. At least, you tried but you are not giving in just becos you sms. After all, as a wife, you shld celebrate his bday with him. But he chose to ignore you, then you might as well forget about it.

 
@pinkyval: Having been with our husbands for some time, I am sure we know the best way to handle the matter. Mebbe he wan u say sorry & be the first one give in. Smtimes, when my hubby pettty cos he presume it's my fault, I do say sorry but once he cool off, I just tell him rfom my perspective. I used to take on cold war cos believe in defending my right but realise no point as we end up quarelling further etc. Not gd for relationship esp now with baby. So I jus swallow pride, say sorry jus to cool him off..then I will talk to him cos when he cool down, easier to get thru to him. Another tactic I use is if he thk only he has got a life, I show him I too am no dependant on him & haf a life..will go out wif frenz, jalan-jalan or go my mom's place etc. Then he will feel the voidness and somehow patch thgs up.

 
felpoo..agreed...make an effort to show that val is trying to date her hubby...if he choose to ignore...then forget it lor... go R&R without him...so that when another argument arises, he cant blame her for not celebrating such a "big" occassion..



haiz...Men!

 
oh dear...i've been playing jigsaw puzzles with my girl and cutting her nails while she slept on our bed all these while. cham la, will get worried liao. i seem to get anxious and worried over little things now. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]

 
Thank you mummies, I did say sorry to him. And I did sms him these 2 days and asked him don't ignore me. *sigh* Weakling hor? And his birthday is not this weekend, is 2 weeks later. Just that this week is long weekend, I thought maybe we can go out or something. Ever since I'm pregnant I'll be going over to my mum's place as she'll cook for me. But cos that day he was complaining said I didn't spend time with him and I felt bad. So I said let's go out last Saturday after his work. But who knows the unhappy thing happen on Friday and so he was out without me on Saturday and Sunday.



I'm staying with my mil. And there's no way I can move back home. First of all I don't want my parents to worry about us and secondly I don't want to make things worse between us. If things can be better for us, I'm willing to swallow my pride. And in my heart I don't think that's the thing that made him so angry. I also don't know why. Maybe he thinks that I always don't know how to sort the priority when it comes to doing things. And he's very fed up this time. I also don't know.. If only he can tell me.. =(

 
Charmaine: Try bananas or papaya ... always works for me [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] And consistency is best - do eat fruits everyday and as much veg as possible.



I find constipation extremely unpleasant. It's happened to me twice in my life - once during major exam, and once at the beg of this pregnancy - and I would really rather up my intake of fibre than go thru the stress of sitting in the toilet for long time [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif] I think high-fibre cereals also help alot. They don't taste very nice but they're good stuff. Just for these 9 months!

 
@ ladies with constipation prb: fybogel needs alot of water for it to move the stools...[IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] so if you take fybogel ...must drink alot of water.



oats help too...there is a protein drink that preggy women can drink called immunocal which 2 of my preg friends drank and they claim that it aids their bowel prb

 
Val



cheer up... must remind yourself that you have a backbone too! you've apologised already, so if you think that's not what he's upset abt then just directly say, yah sometimes i get my priorities mixed up, I'll think more next time. end of story. (Cos to be fair, insurance is just insurance. relationship more impt lah)



then if he doesn't un-freeze, then too bad for him. you've done your part. you're a young pretty 1.7m tall ex-stewardess leh! cannot go back to those days of waiting under the block for him! must have some 骨气。



between husband and wife, must communicate. bring things out in the open, and clear the air. if he wants to continue doing this ignore ignore thing, then he's really just not being a man.

 
Val

during the tm u were together did u ever get angry with him n he tried to pacify u? If not then he sounds like a real bully! Since u hv tried means and ways of making up n he's still giving u the cold shoulder then I guess it'll just be a waiting game lo. Meantime try to find some activities to do without him to keep yourself occupied in case he continues with this nonsense.



Or u casually mention to mil lo. Say duno wad hap to her precious son,ignore u for many days Liao c wad she says....

 
Val,



Don't put all blame on yourself.

You already apologize, and if he still want to angry, just let him be, he is not gentlemen.



Trinket is right. Between husband and wife, if there is any misunderstanding or unhappy, must communicate and straight it out. If he keeps mum and let you guess, how to solve the problem?

 
Valerie, I'm just like u when I was younger. Swallow my pride n in turn, was swallowed by him for the past 3 yrs. I had made a comeback during the last 1 yr n was pretty happy with results. N did ur mil ask u what happened? My mil back then keep blaming me for my husband's outburst until 1 day I turned "crazy". I shouted at all of them n I packed my stuff. From then, my mil kept quiet when we hv our arguements. Anyway, thts besides the point.



How's ur relations with ur mil? Maybe u just let her know tht u feel tired n would like to rest at ur mun's plc for a number of days. N I agreed with Charmaine abt the saying. I hold tht mentality for the past 2 yrs telling myself tht my children are everything to me. If hubby wants to fault me, I will go on separate ways with him. Remember I told u tht I was on the verge of divorce with him when I relised I was pregnant. He knows it himself if I cannot stand his way, with or without a child, I will still opt for divorce. Hving this child is his saving grace.



My hubby was like urs. Everything must conform to his requirement. I let him know tht everyone has different ways of managing and dealing with things and as long as it works for me, I dun interfere in his n so does he. If u allow him to conform to the way how he wants thing to be, I bet with u after ur first kid, u won't hv a amicable relation with him n u will always be arguing non stop with him. U will definitely be in my shoes. Unless he changes his way

 
@trinket: Haha~ You very funny leh. But sad to say in front of him I really have no 骨气. *sigh*



@First mum: It's very easy for him to pacify cos I laughed very easily. So it's never a problem for him to pacify me. But when he's angry I'll have a hard time....



And he doesn't really listen to his mother. Most of the time is his mother listen to him. So, no point telling my mil also. She'll ask me don't do things that he doesn't like. Cos she also know he's a 大男人.

 
re: cutting/sewing/stuff on bed



this is what my mil told me.. when she was carrying her 2nd child, she was cutting, sewing, and even using a hammer on bed(i dont knw why she using hammer on bed). throughout her pregnancy as she dont believe anything will happen.. she then gave birth to her daughter with cleft lips(though its been corrected already). so though i am still not totally convinced i think better safe then sorry bah..

 
Val,

poor thing. Hope sunshine comes after the rain soon! Cheer up, eat something u like, do something you like. We don't have to live only for our men all the time.



Mummies,

it's finally my turn for check up tmr! Mummies who already know bbs' gender, how confident is ur gynae? Or did they add a disclaimer that best to confirm after detailed scan? Cos mine said that for my last kid.

 
@Charmaine: Sometimes got signal, sometimes even until 3rd day also don’t have.. So I just ignore.. But will feel abit pek chek coz I keep farting.. Haha..



@pyng: That’s why I will get hubby to change when I am out of the house..



@Felpoo: Take the “so many days Coleslaw” will lead to food poisoning instead leh.. Haha..



@Val: You should really talk to him.. Ask him now he preggy or you preggy?? Or he menopause?? If you carry on like that, I scared you will kana depression lor.. Please, for the bb sake, talk to him.. Let him know how sad you are feeling!!! If he still don't understand, I would suggest you shift home.. Don't think that by staying there keeping quiet can already.. How long can you endure?? Maybe after you left then he will wake up from his stupid idea.. 加油! 你行的..



@Choc: Provided got enough milk for bb coz I heard not all will have [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]..



@Myproud: 不知者无罪.. Just don’t do it again now that you know..

 
Val,



Hope the best for you, and remember, stay happy, okay?

You are no longer alone (one body), a new life is growing each day inside you. So must stay happy and positive everyday yah.

Come to forum whenever you need to rant, don't keep everything to yourself, ok?



First Mum,

Feel excited for you. How many weeks are you now?

My last visit to gynae (16 weeks), my gynae was quite confirmed to announce that mine is baby girl. I even saw he wrote down the baby gender on my medical card.

Oh ya, talk to your baby and ask you baby to pose nicely so that you able to tell the gender, hehe. No scientific proof, but quite zun for me and some mummies here.

Good luck

 
Thanks First Mum and precious babi and all the mummies. Maybe I'll monitor the condition first. *sigh* So depressing just to think about it. Wish I can stop thinking. Hmm...

 
btw, just a curious question. do mummies carrying boys feel more horny than mummies carrying girls? just wondering... scratching head.

 
myproud, my first is girl. Now is boy.



I can't remember the horniness. I know that my first one I can do abt 3-4 times each week. Now is 1 time every 3-4 weeks.



1st, busy taking care of my girl seems to take a toll on me.



2nd, certain angles seem to hurt more as compared to the first one.



Horny.. hmm .. maybe slightly more than usual. Sometimes, I also wonder why my hubby can tolerate so long by not doing it. Maybe tonite, have to go back and ask him.

 
Charmaine,

I normally clear my bowels once every 1 to 2 days ..

I try to eat more fruits / veg and drink more water ..

But Earl Grey tea seems to have a laxative effect on me .. So I will rely on the tea rather than medicine ..



Valerie,

Sometimes, is it better for a 3rd party to mediate ? Rather than a cold war ? And get depressed ?

Hope you are feeling better now and do take care of yourself and your bb ..

Maybe you can try some retail therapy .. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
First Mum,

my gynae is quite sure i'm having a gal this time...said 90% sure.

For my 1st one, during the scan, he said 70% it's a boy and detailed scan confirmed as boy.

However, with that said, my hubs colleague was told they r having a boy, even during detailed scan but then turns out to b gal!!

Good luck to u and no matter boy or gal, both mum n babe healthy is most impt! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



Val,

*sayang sayang* try not to think so much. Mayb can divert your mind to other things and dun dwell too much on it. Mayb read a book, go shopping, etc! [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] Cheer up!!! :D



felpoo,

b careful leh...dun eat expired or 'unfresh' food. Will do more harm than good... For me, i'm taking this product called 'Evernew' and I find is very gd for bowel movement as it has very high soluble and non-soluble fiber among other things. You can read more from following link or pm me http://www.eexcelasia.com/2007/en/Product/sv/evernew-O.htm

 
Val:



Poor gal.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif] Preggy woman should be happy de, end up having such lousy time. *Hugz*



I have a gf who was was like you, her dh was so 'da nan ren' and suka suka can give her cold shoulders also. She went through crying, nice talk, begging etc, but dh just kept repeating the behaviour (I think he already knows that his tactic works and enjoys mentally torturing his wife)



End up, my friend woke up one day suddenly when her mom cried seeing my friend suffering in the marriage. And she stood up- as in turn she refused to be torture by the big bully anymore. Spent money doll herself well, become very independent. She will not call her dh for transport, sick also see Dr herself, even bring children out all by herself without any help from the husband, socialise herself etc. Totally treat her dh transparent. End up the dh cannot take it, yell and jump to get her attention back- she just smile coldly at him never quarrel, cry or anything. Just smile..



They are still together, the husband also tone down alot cse he was so shock to see the change in his wife. But the morale of the story is my friend find other happiness in life, she is more positive now.



I look forward to see you finding your light one day too. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
@unicorn: He doesn't listen to other people. There was once we had a very big fight and my parents asked to meet up with him to talk to him. But he finds it useless to get others involved. So that's why I didn't want to go back to my parents' place in case history repeats again.



@su: Thank you.. I'll try to watch my drama tonight.. If I can concentrate.. Hmm..



@cecelia: Your friend is so brave. But are they happily together? Or they are still doing things individually?

 
hi charmaine i also having the same problem wat i do i will go to chinese med hall to buy this blue colour pump with liquid inside to pump into my ass then less then 1 min everything will come out.

 
Hi Val



may u ask if u r feeling insecure rite from the start when u started with ur hubby? U need to understand y u r feelings before anything can done to improve the relationship. In a couple relationship, things must or shd b equal, from the look of it, it seems ur hubby is eating u which might not b heathly in long run n especially with the Bb is out.



If u r afraid of being alone, not to worry, u r not alone, u hv ur Bb with u n when he is born, Bb will be ur company n ur hubby will b a subsidary. Lol



Cheer up ok;) I'm still in a cold war with my husband n I'm happy just playing with my girl. ;)

 
Val,



She will still do her things individually. Happy together? Hmmm.. I suppose they r still clinging on for show ba. Takes 2 hands to works out a happy marriage rite? It will not get anywhere if 1 is stubborn to give in.



But my msg here of cse is not to encourage u to be like them. Instead hope u will be strong one day to see things at a brighter side. I believe whatever u can do, u must have tried but things just dun go according to yr way.



I can also imagine u facing all these by yourselves. Living with a man tat treats u transparent, and still gotta swallow yr tears and act normal in front of your parents... [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif]



Be strong gal.. We can choose to become what we want to be.. Now, our baby is the most important being in our life rite? :p Wat r those man..! Pui!! (Oops, too vulgar liao) Just wanna cheer u up.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
@baywater: Hmm... As time goes by I'll insecure lor. Especially so when he's angry. Cos I'll start thinking who is he out with.



@cecelia: Haha! Thanks cecelia. That's what I don't want. Clinging on for show. So I'd rather be the one that gives in. Hmm...

 
unicorn, tea doesn't work for me but lucky strong coffee works but i tried dun drink everyday.



elise, i used tat once when i'm in 1st trimester. Got scolded by my gynae coz he said using that will cause early contractions.

 
@Val: 明天会更好! Cheers [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



@Fiona: Received with thanks.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



@SEX: Mummies, you mean you still have sex now?? Erm, won’t it hurt the bb? Though gynae say can, but I just don’t feel like lor.. Scared wait hurt bb.. Haha..

 



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