(2010/01) January 2010 mtb

CocoMama:

I agree with on how kids should be taught when to stand up for themselves & also not to bully others. When Aly takes away some other kid's toy when that kid clearly has it first, i wont hesistate to tell her off. Likewise, if some other kid does the same thing to her, i will tell that kid off too & then explain to Aly that it's wrong to snatch. I would adopt this same approach for the other undesirable behaviours.

 


Callalily, yes, switzerland is really very beautiful too. Went there for honeymoon and would love to go there again. But I don't think I'll bring my kids until they are at least primary school cos I don't think they can appreciate the culture and history of the country yet. It's not a cheap destination (even the price of a Mac meal is Sgd20+ :p) and air tics are steep. I hope to bring them to Australia for farm stay first. Hee.



Kids violence

Since my no. 1 is around that age group, 3 yrs plus. Will share my experience. Unfortunately, my no. 1 was guilty of that too, cos she pushed one of her classmates when she was coming to 2 yrs old. I was most embarrassed and went personally to make sure that she apologised to the kid the next day. But her playgroup teacher reassured that kids this age don't know how to verbalise their frustration/anger when others invade their space (or take the toy they wanted), so some may push, some may bite and others may even beat others.



Of course, this behaviour is not right. So, it's still important for parents to stop the kids and tell them that what they are doing is wrong and punish accordingly. Now that she is older, she will occasionally tell me that her classmates are naughty and beat others (usually the younger ones) but she didn't cos she knows that it's not right. But when she is in a fit of anger and impatient, she forgets and gets violent again. sigh.

 
Smalldreams, yup.. It's almost like they feel like they're the 'king' when they manage to traumatise or 'harm' people younger than them. I read somewhere that around 3-5 years old, they're trying to show their independence and that they're not 'babies'.. But I guess their parents and other adults need to guide them to understand that they can play with and protect the younger ones rather than to bully them.



V_ni/callalily, it irks me when the toddlers' parents are nonchalent about their toddlers' misbehaviour. Sometimes can also see that some parents are around but chose to 'ignore' their child's behaviour and pretend not to see. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/sad.gif] I would always imagine what the child would turn out to be in the future if their parents continue to ignore such behaviour. It's quite sad cos these children are bright and would probably be really nice people when they grow up if their parents guide them more.



Callalily/Pauline, like Pauline, I guess I would wait til R's older before bringing him to Europe. For now, I guess would 'stay in' Asia and Australia/NZ.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Tam/Pauline:

Thanks for yr input on Switzerland. NZ sounds like a nice option. Easier to get around via driving than Switzerland too.



Tam, I feel suddenly i can write an essay on this topic of disciplining & guiding children! I think wat irks is more is not so much the child's undesirable behaviour but rather the irksome & nonchalent parents that they have. Since ages 3 to 5yo is a "vunerable" period, all the more i feel as parents we should be around to guide the kids more closely & inculcate gd values in them. Afterall, discipline should start at home, isn't it? It also irritates me when parents start complaining that the teachers in school are not doing a gd job in disciplining when they get called down to school for their kids' misbehaviour.

 
talking abt being "bullied" my boy was a victim, during cny, my grandma's neighbour got a kid visitor, who scratch n push A when he tried to walk past my hb who is carrying A. It was so fast, my hb n A both shocked. The boy is ard pri 1 or kindy ald. We came bk fr reunion dinner at the restuarant nearby to my granny's plc n came bk in big grp.Tink the boy got some prob cos my cousins told me he apparantly pushed anyone who is in the way. My hb n A were at the end of the corridor, A loves kids, he tried to make friend n this boy jus pushed A n my hb lifted A higher n moved aside to make space, this boy still push n scratch A in frustration. I wasn't there to witness but when my hb n cousin told me wat happen I was shocked n ask my hb y u nvr stop the boy, he said jus a small boy, my hb mite become the bully if he scold him... . The parents din even noe wat happen....

 
sp_callalily> i totally agree with you on parents complaining about teachers not doing a good job. it's as though they have no responsibility themselves.



pauline> i think you did the right thing. not only kids. sometimes as adults also we find it tough to contain our anger.

 
Pauline

I'd do the same if I were you too. And yes, can totally identify with the embarrassment bit. We adults point out, and they should get better as they grow up. It's all part of the learning journey.



But I read this somewhere & I think there's a lot of truth in it : We're better parents before we became one.



Before we became parents, we think parents should do this, shouldn't let their kids do that, blah blah. Only when we're parents, and experiencing the difficulty & trials & challenges of parenting a toddler, pre-schooler, can we understand what it's really like [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Hi mummies,



Anyone hv comments on lascal M1 carrier ?



Sorry to ask again but which carrier can allow bb to face front/outside, can use until 3yrs (ard 15kg) & budget less than $120-$140 ?

Thks !

 
TYL : Heee....lascal M1 carrier is selling at ard that price for BN one....;p

Althou pple said Ergo is gd for my HB prefer bb to face outwards....;p

 
mstan /pauline and Mindy -> your loot can be shipped liao. Will email u guys tonight.



Tam/ Vanillaberry/ Mel Gan / Melody -> Also ready but waiting for Melissa (tulips) to get back to me if she wants to tag.Please wait one more day.

 
smalldreams, agree with wat u say. Anyway, its always easier to say than to do it. Sometimes depends on the situation la....Some parents nvr practice corporal punishment or even punishment. They believe that you can do reasoning ( I dun tink I will have patience in doing so)

 
jessie> oops. u saw my email? anyway, can u help me calculate the amount if i tag with tam and if direct shipping? thanks a lot.



tyl> can't tag with u cos jessie say ur box v full already.

 
everyone who's waiting for me> i'm sooooo sorry! it's been a very bad week with bad news and lesson observations and long sch hours. thanks for waiting!

 
playground> that day i was watching a K2 boy and a younger girl bullying a K1 boy. I cannot stand it after a while and intervene. On the girl's father was there but no intervention. Only until i say that the girl stopped bullying and tried to prevent the two boys from "fighting". The rest of the parents not even there. V poor thing.



I've also seen kids that were not v friendly/even mean to enxi. guess what, parents not ard. i just bring enxi away and say it's ok, we can go walk around on our own or play with others who are friendly.



I feel that it'll be more difficult when a friend's kid doesn't treat ur kid properly cos it may not be nice to say the kid especially if your friend is not exactly that close. comments?

 
Melissa : Noted!



Tam /Melody / Vanillaberry and Mel Gan also ready for shipping.



Mel(jere) : got your payment liao [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Bullying : Cannot stand it, if I see bigger kid trying to snatch things from A, I will move A away. If A snatch things from others, I will immediately take it back from her and tell her no.

A has this habit of taking other babies' water bottle and go hide secretly one corner and drink all of it! Her nanny thot it was hilarious but I told her to stop A immediately, keke.



Today A so funny lor, normally bath time, we like to tickle her "breast" for fun, she ususally feel ticklish and laugh like mad. Today, she actually use her two hands to cover her eyes and blush! We were shock! I mean, huh? She can understand "shyness" now? So I told her nanny not to do it anymore cos she is now more aware of her body.

 
If friend's ah.. depends, I will still intervene gently but firmly. I mean I cannot just stand there and watch my girl being bully right? Most prob distract the kids with something. But I also feel ccannot open mouth and scold or say anything to the kid or mum cos some mothers take it very hard.

 
regards to bullying: my Hb cannot take it if Ashton is in slight danger.. some kids realli too hyper lo all we can do is to move our boy to more gentle places... for me i will do tt la.. for my hb cfm the kid kena scolded lo.. sometimes quite pai seh leh... heehee



jessie: A is so funny ... drink all the water hahaha so cute...



Ms Tan- ur girl still willing to use carrier? seems like u hv been looking for carrier =)



Melissa- many times when i bring Ashton out to any play grd / area.. many parents usually are not ard their Older kids.. just leave them there n went shopping alone.. n the kids will just go crazy ...

so we just hv to keep a look out for our child lo ..

 
Good morning all...



So the topic is on defending our child...



To me, I often bring Shayne to hang out with friends, going playdates and even public areas...

If the other kids were being rough to Shayne, I will just say nicely, gentle cos didi still young. I wont resort to telling them off or scolding. so far, it works for me...

only one or 2 occassions, i will just carry Shayne away and play with him...



Imagine, if you are the parent of the other kid who is rough just because they saw someone to play with and got excited, ended up got scolded, How will you feel? I think it's too much....



Shayne has his fair share of being treated roughly but that's not bullying.

It's just that the kids dunno their strength...

We are there, we can guide... [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



We are kids once too... and we were all left to defend for ourselves most of the time...

it's part and parcel of life.

in our cases, we are there, we have to explain to our children.



Jessie, Arwen is cute...



Melissa, I will adopt that method too...

At this age, our LO loves to play with slightly older kids but some not so friendly...



Afann, wah, your hubby fierce leh...

my Shayne also quite chor lor... next time playdate Mr B will scold me liao... hahahha...



think the kids not bullying lah...

if they can control their excitedness, they are not kids anymore. so just observe and tell nicely to the other ppl children lor...



Wait till ours are at their Terrible Two and older, ours might get scolded by other parents too... this is child play... if we are there, we dun feel good too and may even broke up into quarrels...





So chill everyone...

It's a Friday.... [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Afann : heee.....is it too late to get another new carrier now ? She rejected carrier when she is much younger.....;p

Actually she can walk now, but she's very timid in crowded area & always wat us to carry her instead of walking (dun really like stroller too).....;p...so the thought of carrier comes back to me again & again....;p

My frd said no need to get carrier at this time as cant use for long....;p

So, always half-hearted lor as carrier really not cheap....;p



Actually, to think abt it, will only use carrier when we go shopping on Sat or if we do go overseas....;p

 
ayden doesn't like the sling anymore but he's still happy to be carried in his carrier. He sleeps quite well in it too.



febie>totally agree with what you said. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]



mel>paiseh, didn't realise my box so full

 
TGIF !!



Yeah looking forward to my weekend Off...



Jessie> Arwen & Letty can shake hands, Letty also likes to take others bottle & drink. She drank from Indian Macho Chris sprout bottle too. Haha...



Febie> I also have to be cautions whenever she is playing with others. She can be mischevious at times. On our way to kindermusik with Sherry & Shernise, both were playing in the cab with a capsule ball than she throw at shernise than pretend to pass & take back. She can be quite rough at times especially she can walk quite a bit i worry she pounce on other kids too! Hehee...



Tyl> Letty also sleeps quite well in her ergo & i luvs it too, Only bad point is they cant face out.

 
cy>I chose my pikkolo because it can face out. But I seldom use it cos I find I prefer ayden to face me. easier for me to see if he's tired and to hong him to sleep. so cannot face out not that bad lah. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif] If he wants to see the side, he'll turn his head anyway

 
morning mummies..



mstan,

if u really need carrier to go overseas, try to borrow instead? agree tat if u buy nw, really can only use for a short while... plus the weight of LO, cant really use the carrier for long also...



jessie,

not sure if u've received my mail... already trsf to u via atm... big thanks for organising the spree again...



re: bullying,

agree with febie tat most of the time its the older kids not knowing their strength n ended up being alittle too rough... thus if the kids ard are all older than our LO, guess we as parents hv to be ard to look out for our LOs... will try to 'educate' the older kid if getting rough but if after a few 'talks' n still like tat, i don tink my patience will last forever... lol...

 
Tyl>Head turn to the side very tired leh.. mine so kpo all she wan to see. Tat's y i got tat carrier/stroller but tat she will never sleep in it so got to bring both out :D

 
febie,

Thanks for sharing your rational thoughts, I have been reading the reactions of mummies here on bullying, and was hesitant to post.



My older kids (last time) have been treated roughly as part of growing up but to me that's not bullying.

As kids, they do not know their strengths and limits. So instead of jumping straight to conclude other children as bullies, and tell them off, or pass a judgement on their parents, I feel we should guide the learning process and cool it.



I have seen parents get into verbal catfights which is unbecoming lor.



Even if my kids turn up as bullies, and other parents tell me about it, I will not get angry lah... But will find out why he is aggressive and work on resolving their emotions. I mean bullies become one for some reasons.

 
To actully sum up, as long as we are there, we can guide our lil one.. teach them right and wrong...



I take the opportunity to teach Shayne to share too...



I was so keen to get the ergo but because cant face forward, so decided against it...



I have an Elite carrier, not so bad but not perfect... [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

I still love my babasling... [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
well, all parents hv own ways of treating rough kids.. for my hb becos he is wrking most of the time ( at least he is protective of his own son n doesnt want harm to happen on him) n he wont understand the kids excitment when seeing playgrd .. maybe becos his own son is not tt level yet.. wait till he become one of those rough kids i think he will put himself into the situation n think for others too...

My hb wont scold a 1 yr old kid lah.. -_-

 
Re : bullying

Heee....u know my bb very timid - she was already "bullied" when she's only abt 6-9mths old.

My MIL bought her downstairs & there is this bb girl (3mths younger than my bb) - during conversation by both adults (carrying the bb), the other bb girl pull my bb top & refuse to let go....;p....my MIL still tell me that my bb quietly let her pull her blouse/top & didnt do anything....;p

 
Haaa....my gf told me that her younger son (abt 1yr old) likes to "bully" his elder brother (abt 4yrs old). The elder brother gd-tempered & takes care of his younger bro....;p

 
good to know that so many mommies here are so rationale and level-headed.



i guess it's depends on what's considered as bullying for each person. rough play is to be expected, especially from young boys. i consider intentional intimidation as bullying. how we want to deal with the situation is again very subjective. be it removing your own child or speaking to the other child, i feel that it is necessary to do something.



furby> you are one cool mummy. like it or not, the children's behaviour do reflect on the parents to a certain extend (which I find scary)...

 
Jessie/cy, my boy oso likes to drink fr ppl's bottle, he dun snatch buy bring in discreetly to 1 corner n drink.....I have to tell him its nt hse n give it back etc.....



Re: bully

I am ok with kids getting excited n gets rough in the event but nt pushing him, scratch, pinch etc. I usually will leave them alone if its nt too dangerous to see how my boy reacts, he will push them away or run away from them if he doesn't like the way he is being treated or shout in frustration. But if the bully is too persistant, I carry A away. I heartpain but no choice. Sometimes they need to learn how to react/stand up for themselves without parents' intervention, cos we cannot be there 24/7 for them next time. A got quite alot of hair n he always gets his hair pulled by younger babies, he gets angry n pushed them away or run away fr them hahaha!



furby, u very cool n level headed. I tink some parents are very protective n always tink its other ppl's fault instead of their own child.I try not to scold other ppl's kid cos I won't like it too if my boy gets scolded, I wld prefer him to be discipline by us instead of other ppl. I will try to just let the parent know to take note of their kids behaviour

 
Afann: My DH like yours eh! So many times I have to tell him off cos if some other kids like push A abit, he immediately run and carried her away while glaring at the other kid. SO PAISEH LOH! Once he even curse and swear when a 3 year old nearly step on Arwen feet. I had to tell him to cool off or I won't bring him to the playground liao! LOL!

 
Cocomama, i agree with you, only if its intentional, then i will take as its bullying. Kids are kids, they doesn't know how to control their strength, if the kid is too rowdy, it would be better get his/her parents to look after, but I did ever seen some parents who will threaten the other kid to stay away infront of their own kids, i wonder, if is a right role model for their own kid?



Every kid is their parent's precious baby, i cannot control how other kids want to behave but i will make sure i set the right example for mine as i won't be able to be with him 24/7 like what firipy mentioned. Perhaps for me, as Oli is in infant care, i am more tolerant of pushing and pulling. I can't be asking teacher to isolate him if i am afraid of kids playing rough?



Its a fine line between over protective parents and a "bullying" kid...

 
Is good tt we as parents must stay cool headed ! ( mus always remind my hb this )

but then if only ALL parents hv such thinking like us! If they knw their kids r rough then personally I feel tt they should be ard them watching them play in case they accidently hurt someone .. Must monitor lo.. I'm not pleased with parents Treating like"hey cool dw , nth wrong here is just kids play" .. If they dun like their kids to b scolded cos is their precious ! Then hello !!! Same to us .. We dun welcome others to step on our kids they r our precious TOO..

Parents must play a part mah.. Leave them to play yes ! Ok .. But I dun agree with leaving them there to play n yet not supervisor.. At least anything wrong my kid do I can apologies to the other parents .. This is basic responsibility ..



Jessie - haha ya sometimes I oso pai seh until I tell myself next time go play dun ask him along hehehe .. Slight push ok la .. As long not injured n must sayang them back n say is ok the gor gor Jie jie don't mean to.. [IMG=http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/clipart/happy.gif]

 
Jessie :

Juz transferred into yr acct for the TB loots.

To Account POSB Savings

112-19501-7 Jessie Tan-SH

Amount S$167.90

Transaction Reference 6643189762



Thanks so much !!!

 
Afann, agree with u that parents must supervise. Its our words against theirs, argue when nt ard no pt ald. I dun like to scold other ppls kid but sometimes i buay tahan oso haha!Just like bring dogs for walk Is the same mah, cant possibly risk to let the pet run amok n go bite ppl .

 
sometimes, its not other kids we need to worry about. :p my neighbour adores ayden and always wants to play with him. Problem is her nails are long and she likes to tickle him which means she pokes him quite a lot with her fingernails. V paiseh for us not to let her play with him so we normally carry him a bit further so she can't reach him to poke him.



but yesterday, when ayden was standing at the gate waiting for his father, he quickly crawled away when she appeared. Think he really didn't want to be poked. I think kids will learn how to protect themselves. :p

 
Haha, that why sometimes, I will just stare at my DH and Arwen and exclaimed "seriously.. should I have a 3rd kid?"



Yah, DH is overprotective to the point, I sometimes have to nag at him before we go out . I have to say "don't be negative, be positive, don't go nuts if some people walk too slow in front of the stroller, don't be pissed if other kids poke Arwen, don't be angry if some people dun give way to us blah blah blah on and off. After that, he behave better! HAHAHA!

 


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