(2009/03) March 2009 MTBs

mil commented the way i machine wash the clothes. 1x dark clothes and 1x white clothes once a week and hubby uniform twice a week. comment that i nvr scrub his collar, his white clothing so yellow. saying even grandma said wearing this kind of clothes no "hock ki"... told the maid to handwash my panty, cant put in the washing machine. how can she supersede my instruction and the way i taught our maid.
 


the first month we moved back, it was hell. the first month alot of quarrels. and we held a "family meeting". pil and us. hubby commented to them that i always feel that they dont treat me as dil. they claimed they are. but deep down i dont think so. fil told me dont be 2 head snake. whatever i m unhappy tell them direct dont keep "troubling" their son who has alot of stress at work..ok. i rem that. aft that, i tell mil direct, she not happy. go and tell fil. so the "world war" started last week end again cos mil told fil abt that i said to her. see, double std right. told me the rules of the game yet they are not following. mil can tell her husband and i cant tell my husband. i dont deny half the time i m complaining to hubby but he is my hubby, if i dont tell him then tell who? fil acted this way to protect his wife so y my hubby do the same... i simply cant live with them..
 
miss83, is it too early to intro 3 meals to the bb now? Cos i did read somewhere that bb from 6 to 12 mths need at least 500ml of milk each day in order to have sufficient of iron and nutrition supply.
 
reverie
so far i heard more stories on problems with ils rather than the other way round, even good relationships may become strained once there's bb cos that's where conflicts arises. Both sides want best for child but methods and mindsets are different so become tough to get along liao. Our hubbies will come into picture to play the mediator but if they can't understand what we are going thru then we'll feel worse. I'm glad my hubby give in to me by agreeing to move out. Hope your hubby can understand and give u support too. Even if can't move out now cos u just sold ur house n move in with il rite? hope he can help to balance the tension in the house then you'll feel better.

For me, initially hubby not very keen to move out. I told him its for the best of our child and for my well-being and also for his parents too cos if don't move then they will see my black face everyday not good wor.. so he agree to move out by this year instead of waiting another year.
 
they are worried the maid over work. they nvr care abt my health, whether i have enough rest, just see the bad things. see that i throw the bb to the maid and i go and zzz. see that i keep complaining to hubby. see that i complain abt every single thing.

divorcing is knocking on my door..
 
yuki29
everyone is clear that the folks caant change. hubby said if cant change he wont be talking for 30yrs.
i have explainted too that it is better for the bb..but he keeps saying no $..

guess i have to "highlight" to him abt divorce.. he wanna change job soon too.. i dont know when is the right time... sigh.
 
reverie
i can understand what u r going thru.. your situation quite tacky now cos kinda "declare war" hor. Aiyo i think if this continue may get worse? Unless one party gives in and endure endure endure...
 
scold me in front of maid...
last week end fil said y i complaining abt mil helping the maid do housework. they always claim maid alot of things to do. i told fil, my good intention is always being mistaken. i said leave the work to the maid while u guys can rest why help her. i said then nxt time i keep my mouth shut! he said "thank you, if u r silent no one will say u r dumb!" i said "fine! anw this is not my house!" he replied "exactly, this is not your house!" mil said "better make it clear otherwise someone will complain again (talking to the maid)"!

and all this in front of the maid.
 
Hi reverie island,

I read about your situation with your ils..and it brought back memories for me. That time when i got married we haven't got our own flat.
I moved in with ils for around 9mths or so. it is very inconvenient as we stayed in a 3 room flat. i know my hubby is not very keen to move away..cos' he kinda like staying with his parents maybe for security and he dun like to move out of his comfort zone..
I insisted on moving out and in order to prevent from staying with ils again, i agreed to buy a flat near my ils. my son is a blessing for me, because of him, my hubby realised that it is getting alittle too cramped for all of us and he agreed to start hse hunting. We found a flat opposite block from my ils and I moved in our new place officially 2 days after i was discharged from hospital.

I think in order for you to persuade your hubby to move out u may have to work to share the financial load if that's what your hubby is worried about.

In life you gain some and you lose some. For my case, i prefer to have freedom to do whatever i want in my own house. so I have no choice but to choose to leave my son with a bbsitter even though i would love to take care of him full time.
 
i feel like a refugee that. have to see pple face. like i live n eat on them.. which is in fact true too. i feel being cornered. hubby keeps telling me to look at the big pic n tolerate. even a patient person oso cant tolerate long..
 
strawberry79
the irony thing is , he dont like maid, bb sitter to take care of bb. in short only family members. so how could it be. even if i bear to leave the bb, who is going to take care of her. mil dont know and dont wanna take care of bb.
 
reverie island,

that sounds familiar. My hub said the same thing. hahaha..but in the end i told him nicely that we got to solve this problem. He knows he does not have a choice. So i got a bbsitter staying at the same block as my ils to look after our son during the day while i work.
 
strawberry79
same same! choose freedom! was renting out my house initially but now not gona rent out but move in ourselves instead. I rather lose out on the rental income in exchange for peace and harmony.
 
Hello reverie island

read about your ils problem. I empathise with you, it's understandable that you will feel so stifled living with your ils. I guess no matter wat in laws will not really treat us as their real daughters, just like we will not regard them as our own parents.

Mine is the other way round, my mil moved in to my place to take care of my triplets. But..do u know that this was decided by she herself, she just announced to hubby that she WANTS to move in and that's it. No need to ask me, like i'm not half the owner of the house!

I'm paying for half of everything in the house and yet i get no say in what my girls eat or even the simplest thing like how to treat the maids. In short, she is the dowager in MY HOUSE using MY MONEY. But..in order not to let my hubby be in a difficult position, i keep quiet. I chose to try to think on the bright side..

But would think that it is not easy cos i keep on complaining...
happy.gif
 
oh also, i asked mil not to use powder on my girl, she blatantly did it in front of me. asked her not to feed my girls bread cos they dun have teeth yet or got salt in bread, she DID it in front of me again. ask her to try let bb try new food after every 3 days, she let them try different food EVERYDAY! haiz. the things i say no power one..

in my confinement month i was so depressed by her that i wanted to end it all by jumping out of the window.
 
strawberry79
so u move in during confinement? can huh? aiyo i should have done that.. my hubby asked me to endure endure. 4 mths maternity leave in ils house almost made me crazy. Now cannot endure liao so got to move. hee
 
northvirgo
your endurance very good leh.. despite what your mil did you can endure hor. Actually my mil still treat me quite ok just that i can't tolerate the noise level in the house and other members in the family. Ya lor we got to ren in order to avoid head-on clashes. Moving out is to avoid and improve situation. If can't move out then got to endure liao.
 
*sayang reverie, strawberry & northvirgo*

im quite lucky actually... hubby and i attended pre marital course at my church... hb is not christian but luckily he went with me for the class... becos if wan to marry in my church, need to attend the course.. it was a real eye opener... it taught us a lot... and im very very grateful that we went for it... it basically says that when we marry, our spouses are #1, parents and kids are #2... nvr forsake ur spouses... i believe becos of this, we dont really have much issues with inlaws.. on and off of cos yes... but luckily hb though only son, has his own thinking and does chide his parents when they do or say funny things... sometimes its true, have to close one eye.. but at times its really impossible... like mil feeding Kirs rice -_-" and soup with salt -_-" i feedback to Hb and he told MIL not to do it again... and also luckily SIL also help sayin too young for such things... though i do feel a bit sad for my HB at times becos MIL prefers his sister to him... its really obvious de... anyway, everytime we bring Kirs over for them to see, i have to close both eyes.. and jus tahan... if anything, HB will do the chiding... i will jus tell him...

reverie - its sad if u really divorce becos of ur in laws... do try to talk to ur HB before it really gets totally out of hand and no return... easy for me to say but do try... but must say u really very strong... i doubt i can handle such inlaws... i wld bring bb and stay with my own parents... heh heh...

luckily we also bought our own home... though there were times we thought we shld have moved in with them, im glad to say i really appreciate having our own home with our own rules... but MIL also one kind... come to our home during confinement and commented on the decor, the kitchen, my ID, this n that, rearranged the kitchen stuff... pissed me off to the max... but i let my mum handle her... my mum says really typical cantonese MIL(no offence to anyone) LOL... says remind her of her own MIL(my ah ma) wahahaha! so my mum can understand my plight... kekeke...
 
yuki - actually my MIL also sometimes still okie... and i also cnt stand the noise at their home... have 2 boys (sil's kids) super noisy laaa... always fighting and shouting... whenever they see Kirsten, they will rush and want to carry and play with her which pisses me off becos they r loud and rough... MIL always wants to let them carry but they dont know how to do it properly which results in Kirsten crying -_-" i will jus show black face and HB will speak out... *phew* btw, the 2 boys are 10 and 12 yrs old... dunno if i shld be peeved abt this as well but Kirsten does look like the younger one... WAHAHAHA! maybe becos i keep thinking he is so spoilt la... they all favor the small one to the big one.. but i prefer the big one... the big one also looks like my HB.. LOLOL!!! sighhh...
 
but i will never forget what my MIL asked me the early days when I was dating HB... we were on the boat to Pulau Tekong to visit him... then she just asked me.. Why r u so fat? -_-" and she asked quite loudly some more...

anyway, my parents do not look down on my inlaws but just feel that they are very ... market 38 type of pple... dunno how to explain ba... but my inlaws uneducated so the way they potray themselves and talk and do things also one kind... maybe becos my parents educated so feel great difference ba... they way my MIL speaks also... always screaming and shouting at the 2 boys... -_-" no offense to those with parents who are uneducated and stuff... but i think some uneducated ones are very refined and hold/potray themselves well... ive met quite a few ah mas and ah kongs and aunties and uncles like that...

oh well... =P
 
blurjen
my boy milk intake is in the range of 500-600ml though i give him 3 meals..he doesn't eat alot..taking 2 tbsp max..
so it's still fine right if within 500-600ml intake?
i did read in tracy hogg book that on wk 3 after introducing solid, we can start with 3 meals already..
 
hi miss83
how did you intro the 3rd meal? what time? i dont know when to intro 3rd meal. at the moment my baby only take porridge at 11am and 5.30pm.
 
reverie
Do take care and talk to you hb about it. i think its important to let him know it affects your relationship...and things are getting worst.
 
3023853.gif
the ils... wahahhhahahha
dun take it to heart reverie, strawberry & northvirgo

reverie
dun divorce becoz of ur ils la.. itz not worth it.. u shld have a really good talks with

missy, my mil is like ur mil lo.. hahahha.. wat she say nv filter before saying one.. *faint*
 
victoria
this is my schedule
7am milk
8am puree or Heinz rusk biscuit
11am milk
1pm cereal
3pm milk
5pm cereal
6.30pm milk
11pm milk (but I want to stop giving him milk after he goes to sleep..coz he has 3 teeth already..afraid wont be good for the teeth)

p.s. he only takes 2 tbsp of cereal the max
and also in the morning he only takes a few spoons (his spoon) of puree..

oh u introduce porridge already? but i think 2x meals also ok lah..actually my boy also can be considered taking 2 meals also, since he doesnt take breakfast so much..it's just a snack to him hee..
 
misscandy
similar leh.. my sil got 2 boys (9yrs n 5yrs) always fighting n playing n making alot of noise. then mil will shout at them not to make so much noise but in fact her voice louder than theirs haha. I knw she didn't do it intentionally cos she's got a loud booming voice so even if she whisper it will still be loud. Me afraid she let the boys mishandle my gal if she carries her so will keep a watchful eye everytime she carries her. If dun feel good will nudge my hb or show black face and he'll open his mouth. hee
 
so far i only gave my gal one meal of brown rice per day (2 tbsp).. got to intro 2-3 meals per day huh?

reverie
ya don't D becos of inlaws cos not worth it le.. have a good talk with your hb and work things out. i believe should be able to finds some ways to soothe the situation.

serene
i'm not a camera expert but personally i prefer Canon. i'm currently using canon and i find it good.
 
serene
canon ixus 870is. bought this in feb this yr so its not new model anymore. heard there are newer ones.. at least 12megapixels.
 
yuki
i think it is for you to decide whether 1/2/3x meals per day..
happy.gif

coz once start on solids, the milk intake reduce..no matter we just give 1 or 2 meals (for my boy, it does reduce although it's just 1 meal/day)..that is why i decide to give more solids as well to maintain his weight n growth..
i think because the way they suck teat and the way they swallow food is different..once they get the hang of eating, the tounge reflux will reduce..that's why milk intake drops..hee this is just my theory..pls correct me if i'm wrong..
 
Hi lenny/northvirgo/reverie...

Itz really tough enduring e ils...crap...a pity we hav so few positive stories abt them...not tat my relationship w my mil is in top form but @ least now i getting to noe her hot buttons n i hope she noes mine gradually...

reverie, noe u desperate to e max...many hugs to u...u r a SAHM by choice yar? Mayb there will b a stronger case if u restep into society? Somehow e pr balance bet hb n wifey might improve if wife can find some income...like wat u say, now ur hb family mbrs mindset is ni chi wo de chuan wo de (u eat mine wear mine) no wonder u hav no say @ home...n they a bit 'perverted' to verbally bully u by not being happy w WHATEVER u do...heck!!! Be strong...liek e workplace no rite or wrong, jus who's strong or weak!!!

Don say e D word...itz very hurting...esp to u n bb n hb...when my hb was still half hearted in moving out...itz me tat made a stand to let my boi b taken care of by my mom...simple reason, i cant take care of him 24/7; still a child @ heart myself...wan to relax a while too...Moreover, itz easier to speak my mind to my mom...my mil protested initially over my decision but i heck care...now things turn out well leh...everybody can care for abel but not 24/7...i hav my rest too...ur hb may not like a 3rd party to care for bb but u take care of bb now n still muz do this do that...a bit impossible lar?
Like wat some ladies say...if moving out is not an option for e time being, do share w ur mom if anything else can b done...feel ur painful struggles...pls don tink of divorce unless itz adultery...
another way is heh heh develop e skin of an elephant n treat their comments as yes WHOLLY transparent...

Lenny
though i hav no idea why things turned sour...but i like u get very agitated when my mil questioned e way my mom cared for abel initially...i get very protective n defensive if someone speaks bad of my mom...i a mama gal so i can understand ur anger towards ur ils...in short...jus learn to walk away if they so high maintenance...no pt getting angry over everything they do...we oredi give a lot of nutrients to bb, so very 'fragile' now...youth bank depleting fast leh...b cheerful n positive eh...

Northvirgo
Hee my mil had e same title as ur mil!!! As secretly said by others...mayb itz due to e fact tat she led a tai tai life for a long while...so much so tat my dad oso commented she very xiao che (fussy)...but no ill feelings lar...initially my mom worried tat i might get bullied as we frm a humble backgrd while they more well off...I was so called lucky as i preggy qite sn after wedding...

Venice...ya ya slimming still on but stop for a while can wear back most dresses but not e shorts yet? U?
Tink im halfway thru e slimming treatment but hor, im trying out e Aimin accpuncture treatment...sponsored by my beloved hb as he had a few sessions left...

gee...was looking @ my honeymoon pix n realize preg changed me qite a bit physically...kinda miss my long hair but hey mayb this time round when i grow it back, may try soft perm...
 
ladies btw...sometimes e old folks may get a little bit obnoxious cos they wan others to still c them as useful n of worth n value...not some unwanted junk...

so they kinda like to hoard n fuss over our LOs...

Itz a psychological phase all of us will go thru...itz jus how each individual handles e situation...
happy.gif


read this during one of my module in psychology...easy to noe but hard to transfer it into actn...im still learning how to get along w my parents n mil...haha...
happy.gif
 
miss83
ok thks.. hee.. will slowly increase her solid intake. But i notice my gal's milk intake increase though with 1 meal per day haha. mayb the brown rice cereal makes her hungrier heehee
 
Thanks everyone for sharing, consoling and encouragement... i hope things will get well. and i really fear of having a second bb with the current situation...

BIG THANK YOU MUMMIES FOR YOUR SUPPORT!
 
yuki
thats good
happy.gif

maybe she's having growth spurt? (if she's already 6m old, be ready for growth spurt)..my baby boy just turn 6m today..still no sign of growth spurt..

reverie
true..true..i didnt see Heinz organic just now at sengkang cold storage..

re: cereal
anyone tried barley cereal (healthy times). alot of babies like it..my boy loves it too..
 
Nice catching up with fellow mommies at lunch today.

Inya, really really love your shoes. Beautiful! But ever since I became a SAHM I cannot bear spending money on shoes. I got to admit, I miss dressing up and shopping without constraints. Aiiiiiiiii cannot lah. Must save.

Annmelody, aiiiiiii feel so tired on your behalf re IL problems. Then read the above posts by other mommies and I have to say I am very blessed to have my own place. My ILs are also, by comparison, nice to me. Don't know how to console you ... best thing is still to get your own place and hire a maid to go over to your ILs place with baby while you work.

Mangogal,
yes yes do show me how baby caroline terrorizes the terrier! hahaha must be a very cute sight.

Babydreams, Ivy,
hope your meeting/site reviews went well. You ladies look so chic. Made me kind of miss my working days. Can wear high heels and dress up in style. No worries about nursing requirements!

Sinmey,
So happy for you. Here's wishing you plenty of business to come!

Lenny,
a shame you couldn't join us today. Nevermind, there is always next time. Must join the next one ok? Think we all miss you and baby Bree!

Irene,
no idea re batting as I don't use it. Same. I hasve no choice but to buy filling from spotlight too. Freaking expensive.

Yuki,
yes best to use the munchkin duckie in your bath tub la. It is very difficult to transfer it with water inside.

strawberrys79,
i bought the lamaze fish toy 2nd hand as well. heeeeeee actually i wonder if amazon made a mistake cos i only see one type pf leapfrog counting pal in singapore. besides i couldn't figure out the difference between their plush and non plush ones.

re: the leapfrog drum i posted earlier/ saw it selling at $49.50 at mothercare mtero paragon today.

***** reply the rest tomorrow. need to latch liao. reverie, *hugs*
 
riverie island,

Hugs.. i understand what you are going through. try to talk to your hubby.. if not move out with bb to ur mum's place to give each other space first...

i don't mind sharing my ILs situation with you cos i posted before.. don't wanna say it again and again la.. some forum mummies will get sick of it hearing it again.
 
<font color="ff0000">ayambunny</font> - me...nvr embarked on any slimming prog lor. can wear back my pants but not those fitting skirts yet.

anyway now got to wear the waist braces so also cannot wear fitting clothes. keep wearing those babydoll dresses.

my sis went to the slimming salon at bedok/parkway, drank replacement meals for 2 weeks n lose 5 kg. Then now only need to replace 1 meal + some accupunture sessions. I am waiting to see the results. heehee
 
*hugs* to all have IL issues.

In comparison, I should consider myself lucky lioaz. Don't stay with ILs but I hardly talk to them also lah...now bb at my mum's place so also hardly return.

But <font color="ff0000">reverie</font> don't give up ur marriage easily esp its cos of IL issues like many mummies agrees too.
 
Hugs to Lenny, Northvirgo,Reverie reguarding ILs problem.Dun understand y they think we r nobody's child huh? wonder wat ll happen to em when they grow OLD and who is going to take care of em? NO ONE!!

I m also staying with my ILs, in fact i m quite grateful to MIL for looking after BB and doing the housework all by herself. i only help out on weekends @ times.
Its always my 'dream' to ve my own house since young but hubby is only son and he wants to stay with parents so i ok lo. Envy those who ve their own nest.

Hope those who ve ILs prob ll get over it SOON.

&amp; reverie..pls dun mention D juz becos of those OlD ppl, dun fall into their trap! I see ur post liao really angry.Really dunno y such people exists
 
still up at this hr...actually i went to sleep after petting Baby hy to sleep..but woke up to surf net and do a bit of laundry!haha..

Yuki29,
Yah...i moved in my new hse right after discharge. This was our plan actually. We had 'officially' moved in on the morning before my waterbag burst. After that i still went back to office to work and then i even went back to our new hse to wait for my new tv console. Then that night my waterbag burst! I guess Baby hy wants to stay in his new hse soon too! hahaha

Missycandy,
thks for your 'sayang'! haha
my mil also say in my face that im fat!(last night i was just more fleshy..) even the relative also quite bluntly commented on that topic of 'fat' before. I told my mom..she ask me to ignore them cos they are from kampung one. :p Not much education mah. I think my mom say this to stop me from taking 'revenge' cos i can be quite spiteful.

P3pp3r,
sama sama...inlaws always never filter out their speech. very sian so i try to ignore.

Alfafa,
leapfrog..never make a mistake..im the one that did. hahaha..i've just checked..mine is Alphabet pal..hahah..not counting pal..:p solly solly!

to all,
you know..im so bad at replying to postings here, that i need to take down what i would like to reply on a paper before i can type it out.:p
can't seems to remember who to reply to abt wat nowadays..
brain cells dying..
 


Bonjour everyone!!!!!

Finally have a few mins of internet haha

Went to LV today, going to Longchamp on Sat.
So tiring to shop with a baby in tow!
But lovely to be here.

xxx from Baby A
 
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