hihi mummies,
mia for a while coz was so vexed over childcare arrangements for my little boy. need to return to work next week and my mil who's supposed to be the caregiver after my return suddenly tell us she can't cope alone. sigh, can understand coz my little boy's quite difficult to take care of alone since he always wants to be carried esp when sleepy. but only tell us 3 weeks before my return is so rushed. hb and me went around maid agencies and even signed a contract and selected one. then i freaked out... somehow tinking of a stranger taking care of my bb freaks me out, esp when i tot of how she might be nasty or turns abusive to my little one. backs out of the contract last week and since then was discussing with my boss on options. just decided and confirmed this week that i'm joining the SAHM ranks. much prefer to look after him myself though am very worried about our finances since this is not planned at all. also, can't do part-time work as suggested by boss as i tried out a few days by being away half day and my little boy is not taking well to it, he kinda "protest" by not sleeping and drinking well. disrupt all his usual nap cycles and even wakes up in the middle of night to ask me to play with him...upsetting too to see him rejecting milk and latching on like a koala bear for up to 2 hrs when i'm with him. finally decided that resignation is the only solution. now so worried about him during my notice period. wonders how both he and me is going to cope. i'm as attached to him as he is clingy to me leh. how should we both cope being separated? since delivery these 4 mths, i went out less than 10 times without him, only to see doc or buy stuff nearby. can't imagine a whole day at work without him, sob. sigh...my brain's running crazy this few weeks, worries here and there and thinking of all sort of stuff. sorry for the long post, just want to vent a bit.