(2008/01) Jan 2008 MTBs

Morning!

Pixie,
I forgot to pass those DVDs to MY last Friday. Will do so this Friday. Included the one Chaye had just finished watching.


tongtong,
I don't have time to do the photos yesterday. Doubt will have time tonight.


steph/aqua,
Ya lor, we were suggesting the next gathering will be on the 1st Oct. Central area? Rochester House is still west side hor. Pillowog is too east side. Botanic Garden?

Yesterday, it was me, yvonne, superbee, mylvera, Lynn and Mandy. Jacelyn couldn't make it as she has some errands to run last minute. JanBB couldn't make it as Jayden was running a fever. Luvv was having a bad backache and her hubby didn't want to let her come. Babe never replied e-mail so expected that she won't turn up at the end. And our lunch? Mylvera's hubby was so kind to go down stairs to dabao chicken rice for all of us :) The kids were playing together well, no crying at all, except HR who wanted Rayden's Mickey Mouse Playhouse water bottle badly :-( But I have to say, it's a very nice water bottle and plus that HR is very much into MM playhouse recently.

Brien is the cutest, put on his smile all the time! Adelle is the only girl and she is so well behave! Mylvera's #1 is very sociable, #2 is very polite and #3 is a real sweetie! Mandy's Jayden is also very sociable and a very happy little guy! Rayden is the tallest of all, and the first one to make "cake" after lunch :) HR is the grumpiest of all, probably feeling that his territory was intruded :)
 


Kam,

Thanks for your compliment for Jayden.
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Thanks for hosting us at your place too
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Did u manage to get a Mickey's water bottle for HR??
During the car ride home, Jayden was repeating that he needs to get a water bottle for HR!! Hehehheh
 
aqua,
Anywhere would be fine for me.


mandy,
Jayden is really so sweet leh. He kept wanting to help to sooth HR :)

Yes, we got a Mickey water bottle for HR and a Minnie one for XY. But it's those simple one with a Mickey Mouse head on it, not as nice as Rayden one. Think Lynn must have got it somewhere, probably Disneyland?
 
kam
aiyah now then u tell me. i was hoping to get it from MY today....sob sob but nevermind, im now reading books so at least got something to do during the weekend...
 
i cant join the 1st oct meetup coz i will be on leave from 4th to 8th...meaning 1 whole week no work liao. if i take 1st (friday) again, i think my boss will face black black...and i need to reserve my leave for "ban jia" move house!
sighs i so wish can meet u all leh...ok can consider geng MC heehee
 
Good morning

Need to vent frustration from the previous night.

Some background history: My MIL used to often come to my house when I’m at work & use my kitchen to cook black chicken soup & herbal drinks like barley and waterchestnut for my gal. Problem is, while her intentions are definitely good, she’s extremely messy & uses a lot of pots during the process, leaving me with a lot of extra washing to do when I reach home at 6.30pm. She does wash up before she leaves @ abt 5pm but there are many instances when she does not realise that there’s another pot somewhere which she uses but forgotten to wash up, places the pots, chopping board etc in different places & I’ve got to hunt around for it etc.

So we told her not to come by anymore to prevent such incidents & so she would arrange to meet hubby and pass the drink to him in a flask.

But yesterday, she decided to come by my house at 3plus when no one was at home & boiled waterchestnut for us & left it on the dining table. She has a habit of turning on the fire too strongly & resulting in it overflowing. So yesterday when I came back at 630pm:-
- I found a trail (actually its an army) of ants from my stove all the way to the wall reaching up the ceiling.
- The stove had hardened brown stuff which I realised is the sugar from the herbal drink on the metal ring and outside on the stove surface
- The pot which she used was washed but she didn’t realise the cover was coated with white residue. Gooey, sticky and gross.
- The bin had refuse in it & was not tied up.
- The electric kettle cover was removed to be used to cover something, thus the interior of the kettle was exposed.
- There was half a papaya (already cut but wrapped in a plastic bag) left outside the fridge (???) I threw it away cos I didn’t want anyone to eat it and get food poisoning.

So at 6.30, instead of starting to cook dinner for my gal, I had to kill ants, scrub the stove, wash the pot, wash the kettle. I really lost control, blew my top & called hubby to scream about wat had happened. Hubby in turn called MIL and his tone wasn’t too pleasant as well.

On hindsight as I write this, I feel I overreacted as my MIL came all the way from Jurong to the East to boil the herbal drink for my gal and us.

However, the last thing I want is for a messy kitchen to greet me when I come home from work. I had to handle #1 all alone, cook her dinner etc – the usual night routine basically.

Now MIL is offended cos hubby scolded her while I am still feeling very frustrated cos we have told her many times not to cook in our house yet she does it again and again. N I still can’t forget the army of ants.

And yesterday you can guess, when my mom fetched #1 home, I was already in a very bad mood & lost my temper at #1 when usually, I would not have scolded her over the minor things.

Thanks for listening to me vent.
 
oh no prata_queen
so sorry to hear that....
i only can have 1 suggestion - change locks
very evil right? but thats the only way. if your mil asked, then u said, you lost the bunch of housekeys (few days/weeks ago) and for security sake, need to change the locks.
if she asked you for it, just say not keen to give

btw, no offense but some of the stuff (exposed kettle/rubbish not tied etc) are the things i dont mind. maybe i very "dirty/messy" to begin with so i wont care.
now you having #2, pls try to "kan kai" ok?
 
prata_queen,
Oh, sorry that you had a bad night. Your MIL does really do it for a good intention. We said 一山不能藏二虎, this is particularly true with 2 women sharing/using 1 same kitchen. Bound to have differences.

From what you described, you sound to me that you are a clean freak? No offence. But I won't be not happy with half of the stuff you mentioned.

Have you/your husband ever tell her what you all practice in your kitchen? Ask her to respect and follow your rules. And tell her frankly if you can't follow your rules, then you prefer she doesn't come to cook at your kitchen.
 
Pixie and Kam

Thanks for replies and frank opinions of what happened yesterday night. I’m not offended because, yes, its true I like things in order, in the right place and cannot stand dirt. Especially ever since I had #1, I am very particular. Like the bin not tied up, if there’s only tissue paper or some plastic bags, it is ok to be left open. But if there’s wet refuse such as the fruit/vege peel or maybe soiled diaper, then, yes, hubby will always throw the bag of rubbish before we leave the house in the morning. If he forgets, I do get frustrated & will nag him until he dare not forget haha.

And when you have another woman in the kitchen who does not follow the same set of beliefs, practices and principles, you can imagine that conflict will arise & war will erupt.

Its not the first time this has happened, & it was especially bad last night becos of the ants & hardened stuff which I couldn’t remove initially. Mayb I was also tired (now already 37+wks) – maybe excuses for myself. But I just lost control last night. Even after sleeping through it overnight, I still can’t forget wat happened.

We did tell her not to cook at our house & she listened for one month? Then she resume coming again!!

Change locks – hehe our Yale lock quite expensive lei, so I dun tink hubby will wanna ‘waste’ the lock.

Kan kai cos #2 is coming – ya, I probably need to learn to relax. In fact, my MIL has told me face-to-face (in Chinese), you are so ‘ngiao’, how to handle everything without a full-time maid all by myself? So I replied, yes, I am, but this is my house.

I guess at the end of the day, I can tolerate a certain degree of mess and dirt if it occurs naturally, u know what I mean? But not if it is created unnecessarily within a short span of time. My kitchen was clean when I left the house in the morning & a disaster zone (the stove area) when I came home at night! And all this in order to derive a jug of herbal drink. Haiz.
 
prata_queen,
Hugz...cheer up ok, hope u feeling better now.
i seconded kam's 一山不能藏二虎 saying. Maybe it's due to your pregnancy hormones, u tend to be more emotional (激动), get pek chek easily thus overreacted. There was a period of time during my confinement (2mths) where my MIL stayed at my home & cooked confinement food & help me looked after baby(#2)+toddler(#1)...oso made my kitchen very oily, wet n messy but i closed both eyes, angry oso but she did it for a gd intention so it doesn't really bother me too much since she (MIL) not gonna stay with me for long term. For your case, your MIL only come once awhile to yr place so try not to take it to heart ok.
 
prata queen

cool down cool down.. now 37weeks liao baby can hear you scream and shout de...

is your mum helping you to take care of #1 & #2 after you deliver ?
 
step, chaye, thanks for also responding. My hubby still thinks I overreacted thought I suspect he agrees with me to a certain extent.

Ya, maybe it’s the evil hormones :p I’m seriously dreading my confinement period when CL will come for 28 days and MIL will stay overnight for some days to help out. My house will truly be upside down. Yet, I need both their help so I need to close both eyes. But at least CL will listen & follow but my MIL is just…..plain stubborn or is it old/untidy habits die hard? I also tell myself her intentions are good. She’s really nice cos apart from the black chicken soup & herbal drink, she also mops the house and clean the parklon playmat if she has time.

I tink I was very worked up last nite & I hope #2 was not affected. My #1 was certainly alarmed by my outburst.

My #1 and #2 - #1 will continue at childcare while #2 will go to infant care at 5mo. During maternity leave, its CL for 1st month and me alone from 2nd to 4th month. MIL will offer to come and help but I may decline (politely).

Next time I’ll also be someone’s MIL. Hopefully I dun kenna bad karma for how I treat my MIL.
 
Next Gathering

Proposed date: 1st October, Friday
venue suggestion:
- Botanic Garden, Jacob Ballas Children's Garden
- Rochester House, The Playhse
- peek-a-boo at kallang lesiure park
- Marina Barrage
- Vivocity (Level 2: Play Court – Open-air courtyard featuring engaging and interactive water features
Level 3: Sky Park – Showcases an outdoor amphitheatre and play pools, the size of four Olympic swimming pools)
- book function room at someone's condo?
-

Let's brainstorm the venue since we've got plenty of time from 1st Oct ya
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yipee...gg for my body massage & foot reflexology later cos my massage therapist is free to take my booking cos usually she is fully booked in advance! Count myself lucky today
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Kam,
Thanks for hosting all of us yesterday! And sorry for leaving your living room in a mess when we left. B told me he still want to go to auntie's house next time...he really enjoyed himself but he was going "crazy" liao towards the end...hahaha...too much fun and snacks. He KO on the way home
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Re: 1 Oct Gathering
I can make it but depending on the venue also.

prata queen,
Aiyo, I would be very angry too cos I also don't like to have another person mess up my kitchen without telling me. The trail of ants you described would have been enough to make me scream! But your mil had good intentions too just that she's a bit messy?? Perhaps tell her your house got ants problem so cannot leave food/residue on table/stove etc and the next time she wants to cook gotta make sure everything is cleaned up nicely??
 
Kam,

Sorry can't make it as J is down with flu & cough the nite b4. Faint, i m attacked by the flu virus now too. Thankfully din bring him to your hse to spread to the rest of the todd. Seem that u all had a wonderful meetup ;)
 
so quiet in forum today....

May I ask what breakfast do you give your todds ? I only give him a slice of bread with either butter, kaya or jam. sometimes with a small packet of vitasoy, sometimes no. I duno wat else to give.. any recommendation ?
 
Raelynn has viral fever today and body and face covered with red spots since yesterday. Saw GP, luckily not HFMD. Just took panadol and anithistamine, hope she gets well soon. Today she is 9 months old but cannot take 'mei mei' monthly photo liao. Sigh, whole family sick including hubby, me falling sick soon. Throat very scratchy.... :p

Prataqueen, hope you cooled down by now. It is actually very nice of your MIL to boil herbal soup leh. My MIL won't initiate to make 'nan bei xing apple soup' for RaeAnne though she has a cough and now at MIL house. Wish she can lor cos I'm busy with mei Mei and got no time to make (plus need to cook Mei Mei porridge in the small slow cooker at 4+pm).

For me, I won't be upset with room temperature papaya as long as it is still fresh cos I don't want my gal to take cold fruit. I am also ok with untied bags as long as it is a covered dustbin. I hate ants too but maybe her eyesight no good, so cannot see the food remnants. I know a lot of old folks refuse to wear their 'lao hua' specs even though they can't see well. My mum is also like that... :p
 
Yvonne,
Not that messy lah. I will be very happy to see B again, I just love his smile, simlar to steph's Z :)


JanBB,
Aiyoh, you take good care, k! J recovered already?


Chaye,
On weekdays, HR has 240ml of FM as soon as he wakes up. Then he has his breakfast at school, whatever they feed him. On weekends, the 240ml of FM as usual, plus nothing else. Sometimes he wants to take whatever we are eating, but he is really not keen in food when the weekends come.

For breakfast idea, you can get a copy of the menu from http://littlegastronomy.blogspot.com/2008/05/freshly-baked-breakfast-menu-planner.html. I got the copy from her, but hasn't put it to good use yet :)
 
Hello mummies,
really sad not being able to make it to the gathering! missed all the fun! My lower backache is killing me now, stiff and painful, sometimes can barely walk properly...counting down to another 11 days only, time really flies.
 
prataqueen,
your mil is very nice, i would be very touched if mine does all that for us. Your hubby also nice to stand by you and give you that kind of support. Maybe it's me? i'm quite laid back therefore won't be too upset about messy but maybe will be upset if i see the trial of ants...

So you confirm going to induce already?
 
Hi Kam,

So sorry last min didn't turn up.

RE: Breakfast
I gave Javin 210mL of milk sometime he can;t finished left about 30-60mL then i will give either cube cheese or sliced cheese or a slice of bread with jam. He is used to taking food after milk in the morning. Weekend will take noodle or Mac breakfast.
 
Kam
Thanks for organising!
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Adelle had fun @ the gathering and she wanted to stay behind to play somemore when i told her we are going home.... :p Sorry that we didnt help to clean up your place when we left...

1st Oct gathering, i shd be coming since it is school holiday... how abt sand play like building sandcastle & picnic/breakfast @ beach?? i had organised one last mth with my #2 forum mummies & the todds enjoyed it....
 
Hi all

Yep, I know I’m one ungrateful DIL . Although I’m not the one to feedback to her last night, it was indeed my outburst that resulted in hubby scolding her. So I’m guilty nonetheless. But in the long-term, I dun tink I can keep quiet & let her continue to do what she loves to do (ie. Cook in my kitchen) becos tat will mean that I will have to do the clean-up after she finishes her cooking. It is not fair and extremely unpleasant for me when I reach home & want to start cooking but can’t becos I have to clear someone’s mess.

What I can do (now that I have cooled down after some of you speak up for my MIL) is to regret (but I can’t bring myself to aplogise :p so embarrasing) & be nicer to her next time she comes.

Luvv, I’m now 37+ weeks, next gynae appt is next Monday. Shall see what my gynae says. Meanwhile, playing the waiting game. I hope not to have to induce lei. Heard its painful to have the waterbag burst artificially.

You’re counting down to 11 days? Do you mean your EDD is 13 Sept?

Pauline, I dunno which is worse – a bo chup MIL like yours, or a nice but messy MIL like mine. Since young, I hate to do washing. At my mom house, I dun need to do much. After I got married, cos no maid, so I clean up my own mess, my hubby’s mess. But its too ultimate if I also have to clean up my MIL’s cooking mess.

But then, your MIL is not bo chup, at least she jaga your gals for you, even tho she may not like your maid to be at her house. She helps you out too, just in a different way bah.

Re room temperature papaya – she came at 3 plus and the papaya was left at room temperature until at night lei. So its really unhygienic rite? I really dun dare to have it or let hubby eat it up not to mention feed it to my #1. She cut the papaya into half cos me, hubby and #1 cannot finish the whole papaya.

Dustbin – the kitchen bin is not covered. If it is, I wouldn’t mind so much. Since it is open & contains wet refuse, its eeky to leave it open for too long. N I mentioned that she left the kettle open, so you neber know if the lizard went in for a swim.

Eyesight – maybe its really her eyesight. Sigh, but I cannot forever be clearing up mess which she can’t detect right? N considering I reach home at 630, I dun have much time to cook and my #1 will reach home already.

Yvonne, yep, but we already told her umpteenth times & she will listen for a while, then resume coming when no one is at home to start her cooking in my kitchen 

I tink there is no solution unless I change my lock but if I do tat, I tink it will be the last straw for my MIL & she will be very upset.
 
prata_queen,
Don't lah, don't change the lock lah. Don't have to go to that extend lah. You are all family mah, 三世修得同船渡, meaning it actually takes 3 round of rebirths to be related to one another. Think of your hubby's situation, it's his mum leh, don't even think of that path leh. If I am your MIL, I am not only upset, I will be heartpain till gone into depression :-(

Sure there is solution to this. Try different ways lah. One doesn't work, try another. How about assigning 1 set of cookware for her to use? Like that particular pot/cutting board only and tell her nicely that don't use others. Tell your hub if his mum is not able to clean those set of utensil, then he has to clean it.

Okay, okay, I know I am the least to be qualified to give advise on this, cos I don't have to deal with my MIL. Only see them once a year. But just wish you can keep a healthy relationship going.

Actually hor, when we were young living at kampung, not all families can afford fridge. Most fruits, papaya included, are left at room temperature from plucking down from the tree till consume. Everyone survives, no one ever get sick from the food poisoning. Unless it's not wrapped up or covered, otherwise it's perfectly safe to eat. Sometimes my #1 eats his apple half way, leave it on the table, one hour later, I still ask him to finish it off leh, keke :)
 
kam, no lah, i won't do that. Cos i also know she has no bad intentions, its just her character and bad habits. Good suggestion regarding the separate cookware but then tat means I got another set of cookware to store in my limited storage space lei. And I also can’t get another stove for her to use. Will certainly be nicer to her now tat I have cooled down. In fact, when my gal is ill and can’t go to CC, she will come and take care of her for as long as it takes for her to recover & nurse my gal back to health with all the herbal tea. Just that when I come home, I not only have to clean up the kitchen but also the whole house which is in a mess. But at least I will be mentally prepared. Yesterday night, I was so shocked cos she didn’t inform anyone she was coming over.

And there was once I was on MC & she came by once & I wasn’t wearing bra. I dashed into my room to wear 

Actually I asked my hubby why she takes the trouble to come all the way (Jurong to Pasir Ris including 1 feeder bus) and my hubby says, she knows my gal loves to drink the sugarcane/waterchestnut combination so she dun mind the trouble. I hear liao, feel even more guilty. Indeed, my gal enjoyed the drink last night & its nutritious & cooling.

Papaya – but the payaya is already cut lei, can keep at room temperature from afternoon to night? I keep fruits such as pear outside the fridge too, so that it can ripen easily but that is uncut pear.

Alamak, HR eats apple after 1 hour? But it would have turned black….. and skali got lizard take a bite how…
 
Prataqueen,
that's my chosen c sect date.
i think the fruits seller also leave the papaya in the open throughout the day/night at the stall, don't worry, won't get food poisoning one la.

Agree with Kam,i think your MIL's issues are small, i heard of terrible MILs who will cause upheavels to the family and some indirectly caused divorces or what..

I can't complain cos i'm not staying with my MIL and she's basically a very nice person. Even though she didn't go the extra mile for me or my girl, i appreciate that she doesn't try to interfere on what we do even though sometimes she does nag on why we waste $$ to go to deliver in private hospital la and things relating to money :p

Hope you have cooled down already.
 
Oic, good luck luvv. Where are u delivering? My Edd is 19 Sept but I may deliver anytime from now  Did you join the sept 2010 thread? I didn’t, no time.

And thanks, I have already cooled down.
 
prata_queen,
We are "underprotected" parents :) And we do believe a bit of dirt here and there won't do harm to their health, it's called the nature of survival, the body system knows how to expel those unwanted stuff out from our body. Apple turns black means already oxidized, that's it, still got nutrients, lizard take a bite also never mind, share with the lizard lah :) No lah just kidding, if I see it happened, then definitely throw the fruits away, but if I don't see it, take it as nothing happens. Food/fruits may turn bad if it's not covered/wrapped up. Same like when you leave your food in the container on the bench to cool down, must cover it with the lid, if left uncover, might invite the air-bound bacteria/virus to land on it and becomes poisonous.
 
Kam: thks for organising e gathering, ur hse was clean and big.
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i bought e bottle fr hk disneyland, if not i will get one for HR. Sorry for e mess. Rayden always make "cake" either aft lunch or aft his dinner... will upload e pic in my fb during wkends, hb took e cam overseas.

prataqueen: u r really very fortunate to have such a caring mil. Mine never done dat not even wen i was pregnant, a box of chicken essence also NO. My boy birthday also no gift at all.. i will b v happy if she will just buy a $5 toy for him but none.
 
Kam, I confess I’m very particular when it comes to hygiene but its my character bah. My mom also say I very fussy. Haha. My hubby says I have many house rules to follow which is very different when he was living with his own mum. His mum spoils him rotten. Anywas, that’s a story for another day. Ever since we got married, I slowly trained him to help out. He is improving slowly, esp now with me expecting #2, he is helping out more and more with #1 and with housework.

Cut fruits – I believe they should b stored in fridge once cut. If its cooked food, should be re-heated to kill bacteria. When hubby comes home late fr work, I’ll put the metal tingkat in the pot and steam for 10 min so he has hot dinner & more impt, dun kenna diarrhea.

Lynn, yes, I am fortunate. Despite knowing she’s nice, I still can’t help but grumble & complain. So next time when its my turn to be ‘bullied’ by my DIL, I will know why haha. I do believe in ‘what goes round comes round’.
 
Hi all

I am contemplating whether to quit my job after CNY to look after the kids myself now.. so far I still love my job, my salary, my colleagues and boss. But what prompted me to think is my #1 who has entered P1 this yr. I feel that she really need a proper guidance at home. After sch she will be at home idle. After home work she will idle, do nothing or watch tv. If no homework, it will be worst. Dont know what she do also ! How much can a maid do right ? No proper values impart downwards to her. We can only guide her that 1 or 2hrs after our day's work.

Almost half dead after a day battle at work right still must face solving her homework together. Frust over not packing her bag properly or not finishing her dinner. I can only call home and tell her to practise her piano or do her assessment but whether she practise or not I wouldnt know.

But it's really a big step to take to be a SAHM. Perhaps I should still work part time in the morning when #1 goes sch and #2 goes cc. Then come back afternoon can cook prepare lunch and guide #1 on her homework and do some assessment together.

I will lost my income if I quit my job. Got to take $$ from hubby every mth. Cut down on eating out in restaurants, buying clothes, etc
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and how much to get from hubby mthly is enuf to spend ? the heavy burden will all be on his shoulders. and what if he's out of job for whatever reason ? that will be scary right.

so many things to think thru before you really stamp your feet down and decide ! My hubby ask me to ask my boss to grant me 3 mth no pay leave to try it out and see how. But I dont it will be granted la.
 
kam,

thanks for hosting us n allowing us to mess up yr hse. sorry tat my boys kept bugging u to "open up" toys to play. they really buey paiseh.. haiz...

nice meeting the mummies.. was so busy in the day tat i dun hv time to post in forum. tmr till next week will b busy as well...

1 oct

i see if i can join.. but most likely will not join as tat's my gal's bday. tho the celebration will b earlier.. i still wana bring her out for another celebration. shall see how first.. tis lazy mummy yet to plan for her bday celebration n it's drawing nearer.... not planning to ask frds cos no time to prepare goodies bag .. hahha
 
Prataqueen, I will be very 'gan dong' too. Like Lyn, my MIL also never brew any tonic for me even when preggie but she did do it once or twice for my 1st pregnancy. Maybe jaded bah. Also, I'm grateful to her that she is happy to take care of RaeAnne in the day when I got to run errands or if Mei Mei is sick and we need to bring her to see doctor like today. So, it's all about give and take bah. I've got 2 gals so not so worried about bad karma being a MIL cos I think Son in laws are quite bo chap towards their MIL. hee hee.

Chaye, I got no allowance from my hubby though I do use his supp card when I need to spend $ and so far he has not questioned me cos he knows I got my limits. But my hubby has 'iron rice bowl' though pay not high lar. So, still got to give and take. I got no regrets being a SAHM though I may want to look for some form of employment next year cos don't want to see my hubby work so hard (he started giving tuition to supplement income recently). Thinking of doing property but only as an associate. Pay will be less but hours more regular. See how bah...
 
Chaye, your gal is now 6yo and in full day CC? Does the cc have student care/after school care? I think that's the best option.

Else, its also a better idea to work part time in the AM when she's in school & be part time sahm in the PM when she's back.

pauline, i agree, SonIL are bo chap towards MIL. watever my mom do or dun do for us, hubby dun care cos i gotta find some way to settle it.

re allowance from hubby
maybe we can discuss how to split finances if wife becomes sahm. the women also need to save for their retirement so its not enuf to take only household allowance from hubby with no savings at the end of the month.
 
Chaye,

Its indeed a huge step to be a SAHM mum. For me i have no choice. After i delivered #2, got a maid whom dunno how to speak english and very rude, wanna change a maid but waited so long keep hunmting around can't find any suitable one. Applied for unpaid leave for another 3 months approved. Then my MIL give me prob... Say dun wan to help me in the morning to send Javin up the sch bus @ 8.30am. Spoke to boss, he worked out a plan that i worked from 9.30 to 4.30pm for a yr. I agreeded. Started for 1 day then see the maid really giving me headache then took leave 2 weeks again... Finally applied for 1 yr unpaid leave but disapproved so HB asked me to resign. After much thoughts plus crying finally left my job. It actually took me 3-4 months to get over that i am a SAHM and take $ from HB. Got too bored as i have a maid to do all the work so went to look for a PT job.
My advise is think twice before you leave the job... Afterall u have been working then suddenly lost of income u will feel weird. From my point of view.... Till now i feel i am a bit rush in resigning. But too late liao cannot find such a high pay job anymore.
 
Pauline

No allowance ?? Then mktg he pays ? Someimes u need to get something fr those shops tat cannot sign card leh?? And like wat prata queen said must save some fr the allowance so tat u will hv some for old age.. Oh,I didn't tot of tat ! And and.. Your own insurance leh ? I'm paying abt 500/mth for insurance leh.

Prataqueen
Nah.. Student care is out cos it's very rowdy. I dun like it :p
 
Ya Jaclyn
I hv this chong dong now to resign. I've to tell myself no wait. Sit down and calculate expenses and ask ard how it work for other couple as well first !! Finances wise if didn't discuss properly may sour the relation or not har ??

Now I spend mine he spend his a lot of freedom. Wat I wanna buy I buy. My fren who is a SAHM for many yrs didn't get to travel. Sold their car. Got to buy housebrand for most household items leh. I hear already i got freak out. Her hubby is a navy captain shd be earning a lit rite ??
 
Chaye,
allowance part or what, my believe that once we enter marriage hor, should not be so calculative about money, it's like the money should be pooled together as a whole though woman still practice things like secret stash of money etc. lolz...and SAHM deserve every bit to spend as long as she knows her limit and puts her family welfare as priority. As for hubby, doesn't mean that he brings home the bacon he has the loudest say lor...cos husband and wife contribute in different ways. Even if say for retirement, i feel that even if wife or husband saved separately or not, the other party will have to take care of you or vice versa even if one of you didn't not cater financially for retirement right? that's the basis of marriage....to stand by each other no matter what happens, so i don't see the point in saying..your money and my money...it should be OUR money...that's just my humble opinion...
 
Chaye, marketing I use NTUC credit card, giro deduct from his savings account. Whenever he withdraws cash from ATM, he will ask me if I need any and give to me. He will also 'auto' check my wallet, if got no cash, he will top up. He has been doing that even when I was a FTWM. Cos I got bad habit of not having enough cash on hand eg. being left with less than $5 in wallet, no $ to take taxi kind. :p

For insurance, I am using my own saving account to pay but he tops up my account whenever it gets too low cos I pay for the kids stuff using my account fund transfer especially BP and online buys.

But yes, I don't have separate retirement fund cos I trust that he will provide for me lor. Guess I am similar to Luvv. His money = my money to a certain extent but of course I will be more responsible with his $ lar. hahaha...
 
Luvv, yes, I consider myself very lucky cos my hubby is more of a saver than a spender. He hardly spends on himself, clothes will wear until faded and torn before he will change to new set. Wallet and car also the same. He is still using the old goldlion wallet that I bought for him 7 years ago. He has no indulgences except books and DVDs which he will only buy during special offer.

Considering he is so disciplined with savings & money, it is very sweet that he allows me to be a SAHM and buys things for me though I won't be contributing to our nest egg for a while. ;P
 
Chaye,
being a SAHM is a big step but can be done. u need to really consider what yr priority is. if yr priority is to guide yr kids through school and spend more time with them then shouldn't be too concerned abt the loss of income. if yr priority is financial freedom then of cos u need to keep yr job. but to me, the 2 are not comparable lor.

i remember my ex colleague told me once before that is always possible to live on a single income. just a matter of whether u can adjust and accept it.

for me, when i quit my job, we lost 30% of our household income. i am very fortunate that my hb never tot that to be an issue and never tot twice abt our loss of income. we still live very comfortably, eating out at restaurants whenever we want, traveling and buying almost anything we want. maybe we've always been quite prudent abt spending and we've never been big spenders so we dun really feel the pinch.
but yes, we do hv to give up some things, like we can't change cars as and when we like and we can't upgrade from our 5 rm hdb flat anytime soon.

as for expenses, when i became SAHM i discussed with my hb wat is a comfortable amt he feel he can give me every mth. admittedly it is a pathetic amt but that's truly 'my' money cos he pays for everything else. he pays all the bills and when we go out he pays for everything as well. he also pays for my insurance premiums and i see that as also part of my 'allowance'
on my part i also try not to be so calculative, like sometimes buy small things from the market or elsewhere if i use cash i dun 'claim' back from him. i also take the initiative to pay for things which are truly for myself only, like clothes, haircut, spa etc even though he doesn't even keep track how i pay for these things.

but yes, u do need to sit down and seriously discuss with yr hb. cos if yr hb feels like it is a strain for him to bear the entire financial burden, then it will lead to resentment and stress in the family which is not good also.
 
Chaye,
I also feel the same way as grumpus...it's possible to survive on single income, earn less spend less. When I got retrenched, we lost 40% of our family income but we were already planning for me to quit so we were not worried.

But of course we have been saving up so we were comfortable with hubby's single income. I used to spend lots more when I was FTWM cos earn already will definitely spend but now really got nothing to spend on. SAHM don't need so much new clothes, shoes, bags, makeup, etc so naturally not much spending liao.

Hubby gives me a fixed amount every month to cover all expenses including my mom's allowance and my insurance. He's mentality is that my savings should be left untouched (except for investment) for rainy days and whatever expenses should be paid by him. So all big ticket expense are paid by him. Good thing is hubby is a saver and "financial planning addict" - He'll read up on financial investing, planning, etc and makes plans to grow our money. So I just sit back and relax lor...hahaha.

But actually my hubby was a bit concerned in the beginning cos he thought I would still spend like before but now already 1 year plus liao, he's very comfortable and really doesn't mind being the sole-breadwinner cos he feels it's much better for my boy and we're getting on just fine. Of course not big houses or big cars lor but it's fine with us.

Before you really make that decision gotta ensure that both you and hubby are on the same wavelength regarding money matters. Both parties have to make small sacrifices and you must be comfortable with your current financial situation. Must take all outstanding loans, etc into consideration and ensure you're both ready to take that step.
 
Chaye,
I think no matter what decision you are going to make, it's important that you and hub talk it through and both agree and be comfortable with the decision. Anything is possible if a good planning is in place. If part time is an option for you, that's probably a good way to try out?

Though, on another note, me and my siblings were having the exactly lifestyle that you described - came back from school, finished all the homework, then it's play, play and play and watch tv and watch tv, did nothing "meaningful" for the whole day. But we all survived and made it through to uni :) I know that's the good old days, but we did enjoy our childhood very very much! Most important was my parents have implanted the right values in us, and that brings us a long long way!
 
very interesting discussion.

i agree pauline's hubby is extremely sweet.

i dun tink kids nowadays can survive P1 if they watch tv the whole day. that's why chaye is thinking of becoming sahm. Its so different from our time 20 yrs ago.

i'm sending #1 to Berries next year for chinese & intend to coach English at home myself. What abt u guys, any enrichment planned?
 

Re: Enrichment classes
Like Kam, I really hope B can have a childhood similar to mine...stress-free, just watch TV, play and minimial homework required...hahaha! Of course I know it's not possible but I'm not going to freak out now. Since they won't have exams until P3 (or P4?) in future, I can only try to enrol him in a good primary school and hope the teachers engage him enough for him to love learning. Right now I'd rather focus on character building and engage him in sports activities. I want to keep the learning process fun for him for as long as possible. I feel that too much enrichment classes will only make him dread learning. But if he really can't catch up or is very slow in his work when he hits P1, then maybe I'll consider enrichment classes.
 
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