(2008/01) Jan 2008 MTBs

Kam
I hope TT can be toilet train soon too. Recently he reversed back to pooing on his diaper ! Refuse potty totally ! But I let him be cos as same Steph, he doesnt poo everyday. So when he poo I am very happy le I dun mind in potty or not for now.

wah Pixie
you train him well leh !!! hahahaha
 


Correct me if I'm wrong

Psychologist are ppl who will talk to you. change your mindset but will not give you medicine.

Psychiatrist are ppl who can prescribe medicine izit ?
 
Correct me if I'm wrong

Psychologist are ppl who will talk to you. change your mindset but will not give you medicine.

Psychiatrist are ppl who can prescribe medicine izit ?
 
pixie,
i know what u mean but i've tried before, is just not working or rather i didn't insist and persist long enuff to change him bah. I am a Virgo (being the perfectionist) so perhaps i can't stand waiting or stop doing the hsework, is a natural habit in me since young...i do my own laundry since poly days, unlike my younger sis who still need my mum to help her wash her laundry on/off...spoilt child liao!
But when i do my hsework, my hubby will bond with the boys loh so i am ok lah. At least he is not playing his pc games or watching TV etc...spending time with the boys is important, that's why Z is a daddy's boy while R superglue to me more. And hor, not all man can be train de hor, some just too stubborn to change cos comfort zone (married for 7yrs) liao mah...as long he don't take me for granted, know how to appreciate me can liao.
U are good lah, at least yr hubby willing to change for u!

hey, thanks for the psychologist info. I am not sure i wanna look for/see a psychologist 1st or a psychiatrist. I suspect i got mild depression.
I read from google search... & i think i got the following symptom highlighted in red
sad.gif

Common signs and symptoms of depression:
Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
<font color="ff0000">Irritability or restlessness.</font> Feeling agitated, restless, or on edge. Your tolerance level is low; everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
<font color="ff0000">Loss of energy.</font> Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
<font color="ff0000">Concentration problems.</font> Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

Hmm...wonder if the above highlighted warrant any medical attention.....??
 
pixie,
i know what u mean but i've tried before, is just not working or rather i didn't insist and persist long enuff to change him bah. I am a Virgo (being the perfectionist) so perhaps i can't stand waiting or stop doing the hsework, is a natural habit in me since young...i do my own laundry since poly days, unlike my younger sis who still need my mum to help her wash her laundry on/off...spoilt child liao!
But when i do my hsework, my hubby will bond with the boys loh so i am ok lah. At least he is not playing his pc games or watching TV etc...spending time with the boys is important, that's why Z is a daddy's boy while R superglue to me more. And hor, not all man can be train de hor, some just too stubborn to change cos comfort zone (married for 7yrs) liao mah...as long he don't take me for granted, know how to appreciate me can liao.
U are good lah, at least yr hubby willing to change for u!

hey, thanks for the psychologist info. I am not sure i wanna look for/see a psychologist 1st or a psychiatrist. I suspect i got mild depression.
I read from google search... &amp; i think i got the following symptom highlighted in red
sad.gif

Common signs and symptoms of depression:
Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
<font color="ff0000">Irritability or restlessness.</font> Feeling agitated, restless, or on edge. Your tolerance level is low; everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
<font color="ff0000">Loss of energy.</font> Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
<font color="ff0000">Concentration problems.</font> Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

Hmm...wonder if the above highlighted warrant any medical attention.....??
 
Chaye,

Question: What Is the Difference Between a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist?
Answer: The simplest way to describe the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist is that a psychologist primarily aids the depressed patient by counseling and psychotherapy. A psychiatrist may also perform psychotherapy; but, in addition, can prescribe medications and perform ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). A psychiatrist is a medical doctor. A psychologist may hold a doctoral degree (Ph.D.) and be called "doctor"; but, is not a medical doctor (M.D.).
 
Chaye,

Question: What Is the Difference Between a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist?
Answer: The simplest way to describe the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist is that a psychologist primarily aids the depressed patient by counseling and psychotherapy. A psychiatrist may also perform psychotherapy; but, in addition, can prescribe medications and perform ECT (electroconvulsive therapy). A psychiatrist is a medical doctor. A psychologist may hold a doctoral degree (Ph.D.) and be called "doctor"; but, is not a medical doctor (M.D.).
 
steph,
You are probably feeling down because of the kids fallen sick for the past weeks. Think you are exhausted more than depression? Irritability, loss of energy, and concentration problems are very common issues for many of us, FTWMs. Or maybe you are facing these issues for a long time already (like for a consecutive of 3 months or more) and it's doesn't get any better during this period? Then you may want to take it seriously. Can you see a GP first? Would that help?
 
steph,
You are probably feeling down because of the kids fallen sick for the past weeks. Think you are exhausted more than depression? Irritability, loss of energy, and concentration problems are very common issues for many of us, FTWMs. Or maybe you are facing these issues for a long time already (like for a consecutive of 3 months or more) and it's doesn't get any better during this period? Then you may want to take it seriously. Can you see a GP first? Would that help?
 
kam/steph

yayayaya I do have such symptons too. me too suspect that I have mild depressions too! sometimes I would flare up to the extreme like a crazy woman. Evil thoughts of ending my own life crossed my mind too at times. I have to quickly bring myself back to reality that I have 2 kids to look after ! Wonderful job, hubby and friends around me !

So if I can still bring myself back I'm not really in depression la hor..
 
kam/steph

yayayaya I do have such symptons too. me too suspect that I have mild depressions too! sometimes I would flare up to the extreme like a crazy woman. Evil thoughts of ending my own life crossed my mind too at times. I have to quickly bring myself back to reality that I have 2 kids to look after ! Wonderful job, hubby and friends around me !

So if I can still bring myself back I'm not really in depression la hor..
 
steph
if you are feeling blue EVERYDAY EVERY MIN for 2 weeks straight, then you will be classified as having depression.
depression oso got "grade" like mild, normal, or heavy etc (dunno how to use the right words to describe)
but if you are crying more often than not (apart from the cannot concentrate, listless, loss of energy), and have more negative thoughts than positive thoughts, then yes, most prob you are suffering from mild depression.

no need to see psychologist if you are having mild depression. just seeing those family counsellor can also help. easier to reach out to them and its cheaper too.
you need regular (1x a week) sessions of many sessions if you are seeing a psychologist. the travelling + time + $$ is another factor you may wish to consider

but then again, both counselling and psychologist can help you change mindset

i WAS a perfectionist once. i do my own laundry coz i cannot stand the way my hb does it. but AFTER seeing my psychologist, i realised just 2 words: KAN KAI
kan kai liao, i let my hb hang the laundry. it sucks but at least i dont have to
1. be tired coz i do most of the housework
2. get angry that my hb is not helping
3. throw tantrum and fume silently
4. vicious cycle

my psychologist always ask me - which one is more impt? do your own laundry and take on the above 4 points, or let your hb hang the laundry? if you cannot let go of your perfectionist trait then you have to bear alot of things yourself, you will only torture yourself mentally because with 2 kids you have thousand and 1 things to take care of

btw, i went for marriage counselling too. the counsellor said the same thing (above) to me too. both changed my mindset

your mindset if very impt.....in viewing many things in life

talk to me if you need further help yah?

paiseh long post
 
steph
if you are feeling blue EVERYDAY EVERY MIN for 2 weeks straight, then you will be classified as having depression.
depression oso got "grade" like mild, normal, or heavy etc (dunno how to use the right words to describe)
but if you are crying more often than not (apart from the cannot concentrate, listless, loss of energy), and have more negative thoughts than positive thoughts, then yes, most prob you are suffering from mild depression.

no need to see psychologist if you are having mild depression. just seeing those family counsellor can also help. easier to reach out to them and its cheaper too.
you need regular (1x a week) sessions of many sessions if you are seeing a psychologist. the travelling + time + $$ is another factor you may wish to consider

but then again, both counselling and psychologist can help you change mindset

i WAS a perfectionist once. i do my own laundry coz i cannot stand the way my hb does it. but AFTER seeing my psychologist, i realised just 2 words: KAN KAI
kan kai liao, i let my hb hang the laundry. it sucks but at least i dont have to
1. be tired coz i do most of the housework
2. get angry that my hb is not helping
3. throw tantrum and fume silently
4. vicious cycle

my psychologist always ask me - which one is more impt? do your own laundry and take on the above 4 points, or let your hb hang the laundry? if you cannot let go of your perfectionist trait then you have to bear alot of things yourself, you will only torture yourself mentally because with 2 kids you have thousand and 1 things to take care of

btw, i went for marriage counselling too. the counsellor said the same thing (above) to me too. both changed my mindset

your mindset if very impt.....in viewing many things in life

talk to me if you need further help yah?

paiseh long post
 
chaye, steph
right about the role of psychiatrist and psychologist

last point - if you have mild depression, it is very impt that your spouse and family understands WHAT is depression.
its an illness. must be treated. it wont go off with the snap of the fingers. expectations have to be changed/adjusted...
without spousal support, i think its tough to ride out this storm
 
chaye, steph
right about the role of psychiatrist and psychologist

last point - if you have mild depression, it is very impt that your spouse and family understands WHAT is depression.
its an illness. must be treated. it wont go off with the snap of the fingers. expectations have to be changed/adjusted...
without spousal support, i think its tough to ride out this storm
 
pixie, me also one of those perfectionist! i handwash my laundry n all my girl clothes, do housewrk.. at times, i wish my hubby will help.
but it is either he takes a super long time to do my tasks, or he dint do it RIGHT (all the way i wan it to be) AND i rather he dun do now.

endup, i super unhappy n he also unhappy...

esp when my girl go cc, everymorn i rush like mad send her to sch, evening rush to fetch her home, then sometimes rush home cook her dinner, and goota rush to wash her uniforms n settle her to sleep by 9pm..all by myself!
i also very tired and stress, hence i can 'breakdown' quite often.

these 2 weeks my girl stop sch, i feel more relaxed. coz after wrk, no need rush like mad woman, can take my time to do housework
 
pixie, me also one of those perfectionist! i handwash my laundry n all my girl clothes, do housewrk.. at times, i wish my hubby will help.
but it is either he takes a super long time to do my tasks, or he dint do it RIGHT (all the way i wan it to be) AND i rather he dun do now.

endup, i super unhappy n he also unhappy...

esp when my girl go cc, everymorn i rush like mad send her to sch, evening rush to fetch her home, then sometimes rush home cook her dinner, and goota rush to wash her uniforms n settle her to sleep by 9pm..all by myself!
i also very tired and stress, hence i can 'breakdown' quite often.

these 2 weeks my girl stop sch, i feel more relaxed. coz after wrk, no need rush like mad woman, can take my time to do housework
 
aqua
thats why, my marriage counsellor said, rather than to create negative feelings in the family, especially between husband + wife, the perfectionist must learn to let go.
our hb can only achieve 50% eg of our standards when hanging laundry, washing plates etc. but nevermind. end product is

1. hb completes task, feels important
2. wife sees hb complete tasks, feels loved
3. hb appreciates wife's efforts last time just by doing the tasks
4. wife appreciates hb for helping out

thus creating a more loving relationship

if wife takes on the job herself
1. resentment, anger from wife
2. wife lashes out at hb
3. hb not sure why wife is angry suddenly. didnt like it, so lashes back
4. quarelling over minor stuff because negative feelings build up over and over again over these matters

which one will you all choose? scenario#1 or scenario#2?

just 2 words: kan kai
 
aqua
thats why, my marriage counsellor said, rather than to create negative feelings in the family, especially between husband + wife, the perfectionist must learn to let go.
our hb can only achieve 50% eg of our standards when hanging laundry, washing plates etc. but nevermind. end product is

1. hb completes task, feels important
2. wife sees hb complete tasks, feels loved
3. hb appreciates wife's efforts last time just by doing the tasks
4. wife appreciates hb for helping out

thus creating a more loving relationship

if wife takes on the job herself
1. resentment, anger from wife
2. wife lashes out at hb
3. hb not sure why wife is angry suddenly. didnt like it, so lashes back
4. quarelling over minor stuff because negative feelings build up over and over again over these matters

which one will you all choose? scenario#1 or scenario#2?

just 2 words: kan kai
 
pixie, u are always very optimistic, easier said than done. mebe coz my dad has been a SUPERB one, it is hard to change my expectations of wat a gd daddy should do.... takes time n takes a BIG BIG HEART too
 
pixie, u are always very optimistic, easier said than done. mebe coz my dad has been a SUPERB one, it is hard to change my expectations of wat a gd daddy should do.... takes time n takes a BIG BIG HEART too
 
Aqua
my optimism stems from being kan Kai, changed mindset, and my religion (soka)
I think my psychologist n marriage counsellor helped me alot in the path of my life, ESP these past 6yrs

it can be done. Slowly but surely. We are the sun of the family. Without our rays, our family will be in gloom. Mothers n wives play a very impt part in a family
 
Aqua
my optimism stems from being kan Kai, changed mindset, and my religion (soka)
I think my psychologist n marriage counsellor helped me alot in the path of my life, ESP these past 6yrs

it can be done. Slowly but surely. We are the sun of the family. Without our rays, our family will be in gloom. Mothers n wives play a very impt part in a family
 
pixie, in my own family, my dad is the sun of the family, coz my mum is the super bochap type! when we were sick in the past, my dad is the one who bring us to doc, send us to sch daily and buy meals for us...even till now!

and i tink i follow my dad, wana try to carry the big burden on myself...yet i cant manage...
 
pixie, in my own family, my dad is the sun of the family, coz my mum is the super bochap type! when we were sick in the past, my dad is the one who bring us to doc, send us to sch daily and buy meals for us...even till now!

and i tink i follow my dad, wana try to carry the big burden on myself...yet i cant manage...
 
pixie,
I think X will get a hand on toilet training pretty soon. B also went through a phase when he didn't poo in diapers nor toilet for 2 days. He's aware that he shouldn't poo in diapers and yet he hasn't really accepted the toilet? But he overcomed it and is able to poo into the toilet now. Still not 100% toilet-trained yet but we're nearly there liao. I just relax and let him take is own sweet time lor
happy.gif


Re: Housework
Even though I'm a SAHM now, my hubby still got to do his share of the chores although slightly lesser than before. This is also his home so he has to share the chores too. Even if their standards are not up to our expectation also close one eye and let them do. Otherwise they will take for granted that we can do everything perfectly without their help.

I think alot of us here are perfectionist...I'm one as well. Being a perfectionist only make our lives more difficult...hahaha! Like what pixie said, once we can let go, things will look brighter immediately. Somtimes we just need to find a solution, a simple one, and we will realise that it's really not a big deal. Really must learn to kan kai lor.
 
pixie,
I think X will get a hand on toilet training pretty soon. B also went through a phase when he didn't poo in diapers nor toilet for 2 days. He's aware that he shouldn't poo in diapers and yet he hasn't really accepted the toilet? But he overcomed it and is able to poo into the toilet now. Still not 100% toilet-trained yet but we're nearly there liao. I just relax and let him take is own sweet time lor
happy.gif


Re: Housework
Even though I'm a SAHM now, my hubby still got to do his share of the chores although slightly lesser than before. This is also his home so he has to share the chores too. Even if their standards are not up to our expectation also close one eye and let them do. Otherwise they will take for granted that we can do everything perfectly without their help.

I think alot of us here are perfectionist...I'm one as well. Being a perfectionist only make our lives more difficult...hahaha! Like what pixie said, once we can let go, things will look brighter immediately. Somtimes we just need to find a solution, a simple one, and we will realise that it's really not a big deal. Really must learn to kan kai lor.
 
Back from lunch
happy.gif
had sliced fish porridge with lotsa chilli padi &amp; home-made ice lemon tea *slurp* later i think will have a hot ass due to too much chilli intake:p Oops!

Kam,
i dunno, perhaps u r right too. I am just probably feeling down, exhausted &amp; restless. I only know i get agitated easily especially when Z throw tantrum &amp; refuse to listen to me. Recently (on national day), i got so angry (out of my control), i grab him so tightly &amp; throw him onto the sofa...his head nearly hit the wooden resting arm of the sofa! I got scare &amp; shock of my action too. Later, will hug him &amp; regret what i did to him. I think i am too uptight. Gotta learn to relax. And nope i am not facing these issues for a long time, is just once in a blue moon perhaps, or when the kids are just uncooperative bah.

pixie,
Thanks for listening to me &amp; sharing what u have been thru. really appreciate.
Nope, i am not feeling blue EVERYDAY EVERY MIN and i am not crying more often. My positive thoughts balance out my negative thoughts so i think i am still doing okay so not considering having mild depression? yes/no..dunno?

Perhaps i need to take a break from work &amp; the kids bah...will have a good talk with my hubby soon cos he is kinda busy with his heavy work schedule now.

Thanks all for sharing &amp; hearing me out
happy.gif
 
Back from lunch
happy.gif
had sliced fish porridge with lotsa chilli padi &amp; home-made ice lemon tea *slurp* later i think will have a hot ass due to too much chilli intake:p Oops!

Kam,
i dunno, perhaps u r right too. I am just probably feeling down, exhausted &amp; restless. I only know i get agitated easily especially when Z throw tantrum &amp; refuse to listen to me. Recently (on national day), i got so angry (out of my control), i grab him so tightly &amp; throw him onto the sofa...his head nearly hit the wooden resting arm of the sofa! I got scare &amp; shock of my action too. Later, will hug him &amp; regret what i did to him. I think i am too uptight. Gotta learn to relax. And nope i am not facing these issues for a long time, is just once in a blue moon perhaps, or when the kids are just uncooperative bah.

pixie,
Thanks for listening to me &amp; sharing what u have been thru. really appreciate.
Nope, i am not feeling blue EVERYDAY EVERY MIN and i am not crying more often. My positive thoughts balance out my negative thoughts so i think i am still doing okay so not considering having mild depression? yes/no..dunno?

Perhaps i need to take a break from work &amp; the kids bah...will have a good talk with my hubby soon cos he is kinda busy with his heavy work schedule now.

Thanks all for sharing &amp; hearing me out
happy.gif
 
steph
then most prob you are not having a depression. just feeling stressed out.
you need some "ME" time lah. easier said than done but you just have to do it. recharge so that you can go further

when i was diagnosed with mild depression, i had the same 3 traits as yours, plus more negative thoughts than positive ones, and crying every now and then for no reason....
then it escalated to suicidal thought

this one classified as mild depression leh

my psychologist said, its mild because i (and i think as well as the mummies here) are smart enough to quickly adapt to new mindset - after taking her sessions.

aqua
to carry such a big burden, one must be capable enough. if you cant, does not meant that you are not capable. it only means you have only a pair of hands (like what kam said), and 1 day only 24hrs. we are not god.
to be the sun of the family needs a strong fighting spirit
 
steph
then most prob you are not having a depression. just feeling stressed out.
you need some "ME" time lah. easier said than done but you just have to do it. recharge so that you can go further

when i was diagnosed with mild depression, i had the same 3 traits as yours, plus more negative thoughts than positive ones, and crying every now and then for no reason....
then it escalated to suicidal thought

this one classified as mild depression leh

my psychologist said, its mild because i (and i think as well as the mummies here) are smart enough to quickly adapt to new mindset - after taking her sessions.

aqua
to carry such a big burden, one must be capable enough. if you cant, does not meant that you are not capable. it only means you have only a pair of hands (like what kam said), and 1 day only 24hrs. we are not god.
to be the sun of the family needs a strong fighting spirit
 
btw, i had handmade noodles with lots of chilli. i finished the vege + soup, ate few strings of noodles. later also will be having hot ass :p
 
btw, i had handmade noodles with lots of chilli. i finished the vege + soup, ate few strings of noodles. later also will be having hot ass :p
 
steph, hope u can find some 'ME TIME',we reali need to relax more.. hw abt going for a short holiday? life is definitely stressful in sg. recently, i also v unhappy with wrk coz of the new mgt probing in...new lousy office... sighs sighs..
 
steph, hope u can find some 'ME TIME',we reali need to relax more.. hw abt going for a short holiday? life is definitely stressful in sg. recently, i also v unhappy with wrk coz of the new mgt probing in...new lousy office... sighs sighs..
 
RE: Perfectionist
Like Yvonne said, most of us here are perfectionist, esp after being a mum, we want to make sure we do the best for our kids and family, right?

But you have to readjust to find a balance. Cos like pixie said, no matter how many children you have, you still have 1 pair of hand and 24 hours of day, you just can't do things the same way or the way that you wish. Fine tune your mindset and have different expectation. By doing this, doesn't mean that you are compromising to be a non-perfectionist. You can still call yourself a perfectionist, but now with different set of expectations. For example, previously you have to clean the kitchen until spotless then you call it perfect; now you clean until there is no oil stain then you call it perfect. Being perfect is a subjective thing anyway, so I am very sure you can change your mindset and expectations as times go. And mind you, there is actually no one judging you, it's you yourself that do the judging. So be fair to yourself too!

What Pixie shared is very good! Really. What matters most to you? Think. And think. Then adjust your inner mind. Jia you!


Aqua,
It's actually unfair to compare your hub with your dad. Every individual is different and you just can't expect your hub to be on par with your dad. I am sure he cares very much for your and your daughter, but just in a different way.


steph,
Go for a break without the kids!
 
RE: Perfectionist
Like Yvonne said, most of us here are perfectionist, esp after being a mum, we want to make sure we do the best for our kids and family, right?

But you have to readjust to find a balance. Cos like pixie said, no matter how many children you have, you still have 1 pair of hand and 24 hours of day, you just can't do things the same way or the way that you wish. Fine tune your mindset and have different expectation. By doing this, doesn't mean that you are compromising to be a non-perfectionist. You can still call yourself a perfectionist, but now with different set of expectations. For example, previously you have to clean the kitchen until spotless then you call it perfect; now you clean until there is no oil stain then you call it perfect. Being perfect is a subjective thing anyway, so I am very sure you can change your mindset and expectations as times go. And mind you, there is actually no one judging you, it's you yourself that do the judging. So be fair to yourself too!

What Pixie shared is very good! Really. What matters most to you? Think. And think. Then adjust your inner mind. Jia you!


Aqua,
It's actually unfair to compare your hub with your dad. Every individual is different and you just can't expect your hub to be on par with your dad. I am sure he cares very much for your and your daughter, but just in a different way.


steph,
Go for a break without the kids!
 
kam, steph, aqua, all
i just want to share a session i had with my psychologist. then you mummies will know how "DUH" it was.

i got very pek chek when i have to walk behind ppl who walked so slow, especially after work. i just want to rush home and relax, see my dog, be with my parents etc (married with no children time).

psychologist: why you pek chek
me: coz i cant stand ppl who walk slower than me
p: what is your aim in getting home fast?
m: i want to see my dog
p: how much time can you save if you walk fast, rush home etc?
m: *thinks hard*....errr...10mins?
p: ok. if you get pek chek, how would you feel?
m: helplessness, frustrated, hot (walk too fast), easily irritated
p: so by feeling all these negative feelings + high BP; do you think its worth the 10mins you have saved?
me:........................................

mind you. you bring the negative mood back home. you unwillingly lash it out onto your family members. is it fair to them?


like what kam said: what matters more to you? think of the pros and cons. then you will know what to do. we all cannot be having our own perfectionist ways all the time
 
kam, steph, aqua, all
i just want to share a session i had with my psychologist. then you mummies will know how "DUH" it was.

i got very pek chek when i have to walk behind ppl who walked so slow, especially after work. i just want to rush home and relax, see my dog, be with my parents etc (married with no children time).

psychologist: why you pek chek
me: coz i cant stand ppl who walk slower than me
p: what is your aim in getting home fast?
m: i want to see my dog
p: how much time can you save if you walk fast, rush home etc?
m: *thinks hard*....errr...10mins?
p: ok. if you get pek chek, how would you feel?
m: helplessness, frustrated, hot (walk too fast), easily irritated
p: so by feeling all these negative feelings + high BP; do you think its worth the 10mins you have saved?
me:........................................

mind you. you bring the negative mood back home. you unwillingly lash it out onto your family members. is it fair to them?


like what kam said: what matters more to you? think of the pros and cons. then you will know what to do. we all cannot be having our own perfectionist ways all the time
 
pixie

sometimes when frustration hit me it's not easy to stop and think and tell myself that it's not worth the anger. Unless before that I can count myself from 1-10 to calm myself which is even harder. Cos sometimes when I try to suppress I got even angrier and flare up even more at a later time. Or it may actually accumulating inside me cos each time I tell myself to cool down cool down but actually it's all been accumulating inside and once it cannot keep anymore I just download all to the kids and family all at once.
 
pixie

sometimes when frustration hit me it's not easy to stop and think and tell myself that it's not worth the anger. Unless before that I can count myself from 1-10 to calm myself which is even harder. Cos sometimes when I try to suppress I got even angrier and flare up even more at a later time. Or it may actually accumulating inside me cos each time I tell myself to cool down cool down but actually it's all been accumulating inside and once it cannot keep anymore I just download all to the kids and family all at once.
 
chaye
ahhh. thats another topic that we touched on...
anger will have a threshold. once our anger hits the threshold, we will past the point of no return. then there is really NO WAY you can calm youself down than to lash it out to anyone, anywhere

so my psychologist taught me to "catch" the anger before it HITS the threshold.
then i have to "challenge" myself (all these to be done very quickly)
1. find the source
2. resolve the source
3. find a way to lower you anger level

bear in mind once anger level hits the threshold, you cannot pull it back. must let it all out kind. then you'll be a dr jekyl &amp; mr hyde. very scary. so must "talk" to yourself in your mind more often than not
 
chaye
ahhh. thats another topic that we touched on...
anger will have a threshold. once our anger hits the threshold, we will past the point of no return. then there is really NO WAY you can calm youself down than to lash it out to anyone, anywhere

so my psychologist taught me to "catch" the anger before it HITS the threshold.
then i have to "challenge" myself (all these to be done very quickly)
1. find the source
2. resolve the source
3. find a way to lower you anger level

bear in mind once anger level hits the threshold, you cannot pull it back. must let it all out kind. then you'll be a dr jekyl &amp; mr hyde. very scary. so must "talk" to yourself in your mind more often than not
 

hmmmm how should i put it?
im not perfect, sometimes i get angry or pek chek if my hb keeps on playing games rather than spend time with x. accumulate liao i oso download all onto him. i got the source liao but i also cannot resolve the source (get hb to play lesser games??!) because it takes time.
then i still get angry rite
then i still get pek chek rite
then i still download to hb rite

so how?

kan kai lor

my psychologist say - you want ur hb to follow ur way. but in the end both got hurt (resentful against each other)... worth it?

vicious cycle....right?
 
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